Broken
by mamasutra
Summary: What if the person you loved kept hurting you all in the name of loving you? When would enough be enough? Is there any coming back from that type of hurt? AU Human, Edward & Bella with mostly cannon pairing.
1. The Kiss

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but I have seen Eclipse now 3 times. God, I really liked this movie and that is huge since I was not so crazy about Twilight or New Moon ( well, shirtless Rob was hot).

When I was 14 I fell in love with Edward Cullen prior to that it was just a deep friendship based on mutual interest of music and reading, but then he kissed me and it all changed. I remember it so clearly that sometimes it feel like I am still there living that moment over and over.

Edward had come into what was considered my room at his house. He had a book in his hands like he always did. He pulled back my covers and got in beside me, forcing me to move over to give him room. That was so like Edward. He would move you just to get what he wanted.

I remember that there had been a shift in our relationship at that point of time. I think it started when Edward had walked in on me changing. I stood there in a towel, dripping wet from the shower and he just stood there gawking at me for a moment, before I finally asked him to leave so I could get dressed. The days since then were tense and Edward had stayed away from me. That was the first night he was back and acting like nothing had happened.

Once he was settled in my bed there was silence as if he was reading, but I knew he wasn't. I could feel his eyes on me, staring, watching waiting for something, but I had no idea what it was. I looked over at him and raised an eyebrow in silent question._ What is wrong?_

Edward said nothing, but instead just shifted in the small bed that held us. He ran his hand through his hair and then looked at me with an intense look that made me lose my breath for a moment.

"I just want to try something," he whispered since we were always trying to be quiet. We didn't want to wake up his parents with our discussions over the books we were reading. He turned so that he was facing me instead of sitting beside me like he had been. Our knees were touching and for some reason it just seemed so intimate to me, but I was a 14 year old girl so what did I know about intimacy?

I sat there watching him as he seemed to debating something internally and then he moved. Edward was leaning forward. He had placed his hands on my face, cupping it as if to keep it in one place. I opened my mouth to protest whatever the hell he was planning when I felt his mouth against mine.

I opened my eyes and saw that his eyes were closed. The panic seemed to take over me as I sat there stiffly. I felt his lips move against mine in an encouraging manner, teasing me if you will, to respond to him. It took all of 10 seconds for my body to respond.

My arms went up instantly and found purchase on his shoulders before intertwining my hands in his hair. His hair was so soft that it surprised me. I felt his hands caress my cheeks as we kissed. The kiss was soft and awkward, but at the same time even know looking back on it I knew that he was it for me just by that one awkward kiss.

Our lips parted and slowly I felt his tongue move against mine. It was teasing and sensual. I remember how the want for him burned in my belly and how the feeling was so new and frightening to me. Edward was best friend and I had secretly had a crush on him, but this was new and well, I wanted it so badly.

I twisted myself closer to him wanting more, all the while he was holding me off a little. I don't think that he wanted me to come in contact with his hard on even though I could feel it as I slid upon his lap. It made me do a mental victory dance that I, Bella Swan, queen of all that was normal had gotten such a positive reaction from Edward Cullen, who was walking beauty personified.

Edward pulled away from me with his green eyes bright with victory and lust. I wanted to continue on with our kissing, but he had stopped. He looked so beautiful sitting that close to me it almost hurt to look at him. He was like an angel with a perfect Greek god looking face. His nose was straight; he had a strong jaw, full kissable lips, and perfect cheek bones. Truly it was as if God had made him just to show off.

"Go to sleep Bella," Edward said with a sigh as he moved and situated himself beside me now with the book back in his hands. I watched for a moment as he tried to reign in his breathlessness and focus on the book once more.

He would look at me with a smile and then go back to reading. I would have to say that as far as first kisses go that was amazing. I closed my eyes and dreamt dreams of Edward and I being together. I didn't know. I just didn't know how fucked up it was going to be with him or how far I would lower myself for him. Maybe if I had known I would have changed things. Maybe I would have figured out a way not to fall in love him. I don't know.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Thanks for reading! It means the world to me that you take your time to do so!**

**Xxoo**

**Mama Sutra**


	2. The Beginning

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight. I do own this twisted story of love, loss and betrayal. Edward maybe hard to like this one, but I hope that I can redeem him somehow. _xxoo ms ; )_

I have loved Edward Cullen since as far back as I can remember. He always has been the first thought that entered my mind in the morning and the last thing I thought of as I drifted off to sleep at night. He was what completed me.

We grew up together in a rainy town called Forks n the state of Washington, well, him, me and his twin brother Emmett. It was a tiny town and there was really nothing to do there except gossip and that is what lead me to the Cullen's in the first place.

Esme Cullen was that eccentric woman in town that every one talked about. She was married to the only surgeon in the area, Dr. Carlisle Cullen so people thought she was richer God himself. You know the type, the one that wears fashion that hasn't reached your area yet and the one who has a million bowls outside their house because they feed all the strays nearby. That is what I was, a stray, that Esme found in the grocery store when I was ten years old.

I was the topic of a lot of gossip at the point in time, or at least my parents were. My mom Renee, the school's kindergarten teacher just left my dad, Charlie, the chief of police. She had run away with Phil, who was 24 years old fresh out of college and Forks High's newest football coach.

The affair and her leaving was good gossip in a small town. They talked about the age difference since mom was 28 and Phil was 24. The ladies talked about my poor dad, who was a walking zombie since mom left. They also talked about poor Bella Swan, that's me. The kid that was left alone all the time and was forced into taking over being the lady of the house, if by being the lady of the house meant that I cooked and cleaned for dad and I.

That fateful day I was grocery shopping for dad and me when Esme Cullen approached me with Edward and Emmett in tow. She talked all sugary sweet to me, but I knew that she was fishing for information. They followed me throughout the store even though I hated it. Esme would ask me what I was planning on cooking for dinner. She was treating me like any other house wife I guess.

Once I was done they gave me a ride home and then Emmett and Edward helped carrying in the groceries. I offered them ice tea just like the good lady of the house I was. They stayed for awhile and while they did I talked with all of them. I had known Emmett from school. We were in the same home room. Edward and I were in the same advanced placement classes.

After that day I spent a lot of time at the Cullen residence. I was told much later that after that fateful visit that Esme went to Charlie while he was at work and spoke with him concerning me. Esme arranged for me stay with a lot. Charlie didn't mind. I think he was actually glad to have me gone. I reminded him too much of mom I guess.

The years past and during them I fell in love with both Cullen brothers in very, very different ways. My love for Emmett all stemmed from a brotherly affection. He was my teddy bear. He was the one I went to with my problems. He was my rock. I depended on him just as he depended on me. Our relationship was built on trust and a crazy type of love that made me warm on a winter's night.

He was my physical opposite. I was short and petite and he was tall and built like a fucking mountain. We both had dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. We used to tease that we were twins separated at birth since I looked more like him than his brother Edward did.

Edward was tall and lanky. He had a swimmers build that was lean and yet muscular. He had crazy hair that was brown with red highlights. Emmett used to tease him about wanting to steal his lucky charms because his hair would go so red. Edward would always tell him to fuck off, that he could never get me away from him. I still find it to be funny that he thought I was his lucky charm.

I fell in love with Edward when I was 14 years old. To me, he was the picture of perfection and he treated me like a princess. We had so many things in common from our love of music to books. It was like it was meant to be and I was so young and stupid that I couldn't see that there was trouble brewing for us. Big trouble.

I used to basically live at the Cullen's house. Carlisle had fixed their guest room into my bed room and the boys helped paint it. Edward picked out the color of hot pink since it went well with black and Carlisle said we couldn't paint it black, which was my true favorite color. Edward just got me and I loved him for it.

Many nights he would sneak into my room which was only down the hall from his. He would arrive wordlessly and then slip into bed beside me. We would read side by side until the early hours of the morning or until one of us fell asleep. It was my slice of heaven and I looked forward to those quiet times, if only I had known they wouldn't last.

**AN: Howdy all! I wanted to throw this out there since I cannot get this story out of my head. It will be different than Finding My Way Home since this will be a mostly Bella POV story. I will also try to keep the chapters short & update very frequently. Once more I am in the market for a beta so if you are interested in please PM me! I am not giving up on FMWH, I just need to get this story out there as well.**

**Take care!**

**Mama Sutra**

**xxoo**


	3. The first time my heart broke

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I wish I did, but alas, I don't.

After that night with the kiss, my first kiss to be exact, Edward kept coming back for more. It was a perfect way to spend the summer before starting high school in my opinion. I dreamt of walking the halls of Forks High holding his hand and kissing before classes, but it was only a dream.

We would spend out days reading together and then sometimes going for walks. We found a meadow that was so perfect and beautiful that we claimed it as ours. We would spend some days in there kissing in the rain and what little sun Forks would get during the summer. It was those days that I still refer to as days of gold since they were perfect and I was his. I could see it in his eyes that I was jis and that made it all worthwhile.

The summer was ending and as it did Edward became distance. I tried to tell myself that it was due to the stress of the advanced placement classes that we would be facing that fall, but I was so fucking wrong that it was laughable. I talked to Emmett, the only other person who knew about Edward and me.

Em though I was being dumb. He told me so on many occasions.

"Bella, you are going to get hurt. You don't know Edward the way I do and I am here to tell you that he is not right for you," Emmett said as we lounged on his bed after one of his football practices. Emmett was one of the best defensive ends that the state of Washington had ever seen and much of his time was spent on the sport as well as homework.

"You are so wrong," I replied back smugly as I smiled at him. How could he know my Edward? My Edward who was well read. My Edward, who loved foreign films like me. My Edward, who held me and kissed me like I was the most precious thing to him ever.

"Just trust me Bella. Please, for me, end it with him," Em pleaded with me, but I didn't listen. I wish I had, maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much.

We left his room and went down stairs to discover that Edward was gone. We were told he left with a friend, but I couldn't figure out who and Em, he just looked sick.

We had plans Emmett and I to go to the movies that night. Em was not one for foreign films and really we could only see those in Seattle. The forks movie theater never showed such films. They claimed no one would go to them, but I would have.

We picked a brainless action and then settled in with our goodies. The movie theater was dark and the was starting just as I first heard it. It was the sound of a laugh. I would know that laugh anywhere. I was Edward.

I scanned the dark room and found him sitting by a girl. It was the beautiful Tanya Denali, the queen of our class. She commanded the higher social scale with the ease of a heartless general leaving people hurt and broken in her path. I felt sick as I watched him lean close to her and whisper in her ear.

I looked over at Emmett who had a sick and yet sorry look on his face. He had known about this. He had known and brought me here to witness it. I watched as Edward began to stroke her strawberry blonde curls in such a loving manner. He had never done that with me.

I watched in horror as he leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft, romantic kiss that quickly turned heated. It was at this point that I felt the bile rise up in my throat and I climbed over Emmett to get out of the theater before puking all over the floor.

I dashed into the ladies room just in time to throw up in the sink. I could hear Em outside, begging me to come out. Once I was done I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was red and my eyes were bloodshot. I looked like hell. I felt like my heart had been fractured in two.

I took a deep breath and walked out to find that Emmett was right by the door waiting for me. The look on his face was one of sorrow and that made me cry. I was such a fool. Why did I think that Edward would want me? What the hell?

Em pulled me into an empty theater and we talked. He told me of how Tanya had been calling and Edward was talking with her. He told me that when he confronted Edward about what was going on he was told that we were just practicing kissing. That it was truly nothing between friends. It was then that he started his campaign for me to end it with Edward. I cried while he spoke. I had never felt more foolish in my life. I wish I could only say that was the only time that I had cried over Edward Cullen, but it wouldn't be.

We stayed up there until the end of the movie since we had no way home until Esme came to pick us up. Once the movie ended and Emmett assured me that I looked fine we walked out to wait for our ride. We walked out at the same time as Edward and Tanya walked out holding hands.

Edward refused to look at us and Tanya looked at me and rolled her eyes.

"Please tell me that your brother is not dating _her,_" I heard her whisper to him in disgust. I wanted to go and kick her ass, but Emmett held me back.

"Nope, I think he has better taste than that," Edward whispered back to her and then laughed right along with her at my expense. Emmett growled at him while my heart shattered into a million pieces.

We stood there and watched them go out. Mr. Denali was waiting for them in his car and once they were inside off they went. Esme pulled up shortly to get us. It was a long, silent ride since there really was nothing to say.

Edward had beaten us home and when walked in he was waiting for us on the couch in the front room with a smile on his face. Emmett wanted to beat his ass, but I stopped him. I told him that it wasn't worth it, but the truth was I couldn't bear for Edward to get hurt even though he had just killed me.

He tried to make small talk with Em and I until I finally stood up and went to bed. Once inside my make shift room I locked the door. It was the first I had ever locked the door, perfectly locking Edward out of the room and my life. If only I had kept the door locked.

Edward showed up at my door a few hours later. I listened as he tried to turn the handle once and then twice. After that there was silence and I felt the mixed emotions of dread that I had locked him out mixed with elation that I had locked him out. My feelings didn't last long when the door opened and Edward walked in with a puzzled look. He had picked the lock to let himself in. Typical Edward, if he doesn't get his way he would just force the situation.

"Why is your door locked?" he asked me as he stood there in all his glory. He was wearing a baggy t-shirt and running shorts that he slept in. His eyes were bright, happy and I was sick that it wasn't me that put that look on his face.

"I just wanted to be alone," I replied back with edge to my voice that seemed to surprise him. He looked around concerned for a moment and then back to me with a very puzzled look now.

"What's wrong?" he asked me as he stepped forward, getting closer to me as I lay on my bed.

"When were you going to tell me?" I asked him as I watched his puzzled look morph into one of laughter.

"You mean Tanya?" he asked with a laugh like it was the funniest thing ever. I wanted to fucking slap him. I nodded at him since I could not trust myself to speak.

"Oh, Bella, I though you knew that what w had going on was just fun," he replied with a laugh as he sat down.

"You know, practicing for the right one," he said as he looked at me with laughter in his eyes.

"And Tanya is the right one?" I asked him trying not to cry, but I wanted to, badly.

"Yeah, I can feel it. I think that I love her," he whispered to me with a sigh. I fought the urge to puke again as he looked off all fucking dreamy like.

"You're my best friend Bella, I knew that you would understand," Edward said with a smile as he looked at me so fucking happy.

"You should have told me," I replied hoping that he would understand that I meant that he should have told me that he was playing around with the kissing.

"Sorry about that. Do you forgive me?" he asked and then gave me a smile that could rival an angel's smile. There was no way I could say no to him when he did that. I kind of hated him for it.

"Why did you make fun of me?" I asked as I felt the whole in my chest where my heart should have been started to ache.

"Yeah, well, sorry about that Bella. Tanya is well, Tanya and other girls that aren't her friends are a threat to her," Edward said with a dreamy smile like it was ok that she was a huge bitch. Not just ok, but endearing in fact. It made the bile in my throat rise once again. He didn't seem to notice.

"Just think Bella, this year I will be sitting at Tanya's table," he said with a laugh. It was truly amazing since up until now Edward was no one on the social scale at our school, just like me. Now that he was with Tanya he would rocket up the scale and be part of the so called cool clique. It made me kind of hate him.

"Yeah, well, I'm tired so, I'm going to bed now. Good night," I said and then turned off the light on the night stand even though he was still sitting on my bed. He actually looked confused for a moment and then he spoke.

"Good night Bella," he whispered and then leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my forehead that made me want to cry. I watched as he walked out of my room and then shut the door. I waited until I heard his door open and shut before I cried about him, for him and for us. It wouldn't be the first time I cried myself to sleep over him and it would not be the last.


	4. Freshman Year

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Freshman year of high school started off as terrible as I thought it would. I was an outcast by this time since Tanya seemed to make her daily mission to harass me and Edward did nothing to stop this campaign of terror. He sat back and allowed her and her goons to trip me as I walked by or, make cat calls when I was gym. I hated them.

Emmett's football career was going well. He started on the varsity team which was amazing considering he was a freshman. He was my saving grace since I sat by him every day at lunch, well, him and some of his friends. They discovered that that I wasn't just the odd ball girl that would rather read a book or write in a journal and I discovered that behind all of their toughness they had hearts of gold.

Edward on the other hand had done as I had projected. He had shot off into the social stratosphere as Tanya's loyal little lap dog. Pretty, pretty lap dog. While in school he never looked at me or acted like he knew me. It hurt like fucking hell, but I learned to mask the pain.

At home Edward would talk and laugh with me like old time, unless Tanya was there. To me, this behavior only made it worse. My head would spin all time, unsure of what Edward would greet me each day. This behavior also put Emmett on edge. On more than one occasion I had to talk him out of beating the hell out of Edward, even though he deserved it.

One time that I really had to talk Emmett out of kicking Edward's ass was over my birthday. Edward brought Tanya to my so called family party with the Cullen's. She sat there and made fun of me to the point that Esme asked Edward to have her leave.

"I will mom, but I want to see Bella open her gifts," Edward said as he smiled sweetly at his mother while Tanya gave her an I'll_ be good look._

I started to open my gifts to find a rare book that I wanted badly from Carlisle and Esme. Emmett had gotten me concert tickets to a band that I was dying to see with the promise of going with me to Seattle to see them. The final gift was from Edward. I dreaded opening it. I didn't know this Edward anymore and could not think of what he would get me.

I could feel my heart pounding as I opened the wrapping paper and box. I pulled off the lid to discover a box that was full of makeup and how to put it on books as well as a baby t shirt that said flirty across the chest. I looked up at him and he started to laugh a long with Tanya, but I didn't get the joke.

"Bella, I just thought that you would want to, I don't know, update your look. You know maybe look more like the others," Edward said with a shrug as I stared at him lost over his gift. Was he saying that I was ugly? Was he saying that I needed to change?

"There's nothing wrong with Bella," Em quickly stepped in saying as I sat there dumbfounded by this very insulting gift. I looked over at Em and could see that he was fighting the urge to punch Edward, but I never wanted to be the cause of a fight between them so I decided to try to smooth it over a bit, even if it made me want to puke.

"Thanks Edward, I'll keep it in mind," I replied coolly as Esme shook her head as if she had no idea what to say while Tanya started to snicker.

After dinner when Edward left with Esme to drop Tanya off at home Emmett and I went outside with Edward's gift. I was still silent since I had nothing to say now.

"You know Bella, you are beautiful and that Tanya bitch is just jealous," Em said as he started to put some wood in their burn pile.

"Oh, yeah, I can see how jealous she is," I replied mockingly as I rolled my eyes at him. He was so full of shit, but it did make me feel a bit better. Em started the fire and we started to burn the makeup and books. It felt good to burn the shitty gift. We were sitting there laughing when Edward appeared out of nowhere. He had a pained look on his face. He had seen that we burned it.

"You didn't like it?" he asked me as Emmett rolled his eyes and huffed.

"You have to be fucking kidding me!" Em said as he stood up and looked over at Edward who was on the outside of the circle from where we sat

"You and that witch basically call her ugly and she's supposed to like it?" Emmett demanded from him as he stepped closer to Edward in a menacing manner that made me cringe.

"I didn't call her ugly, I just thought things would be easier for her if she tried a little harder, that's all," Edward said with a shrug as he gave me an innocent look. Did he really believe that?

"You forgive me right?" he asked me with the smile of an angel. I couldn't respond to him at all. I stood up and walked away from him. I tried not to cry as I walked. I used to be good enough for him, but not anymore.

The year wore on and as it did Em and I got to witness the grossness of Edward and Tanya. They would walk hand and hand in the halls. They would kiss before class. They would sit by each other at lunch, touch, caressing, whispering, and laughing. I would spend most lunches trying not to throw up at the spectacle of it all.

At the end of freshman year I had basically cut Edward out of every aspect of my life that I could, but no matter how many times I did this, he would always come barraging back into my life. It was almost like he was refusing for me to let him go. I hated him. I loved him. It hurt to look at him most days. He never seemed bothered by me at all. I think that is what hurt the most, his lack care.

**AN: I had a friend like Edward in high school. I hated him & still hate him now over his treatment**. **Thanks for reading!**

**Xxoo **

**Mama sutra**


	5. The summer between freshmand & spohmore

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight; if I did the movies would be better even though I really liked Eclipse.

The summer between freshman and sophomore year was something I was dreading. It meant more free time which sucked since that meant more time for me to think about Edward and it also meant that Edward would be around more. If Edward was around more so would be Tanya since they were still together.

I had decided to be proactive about my time off and spend more time at my actual home. Emmett planned on being there with me since he couldn't stand what Edward had turned into as well. Charlie, my dad, was never home so it meant that we had the whole house to ourselves, which was nice. Esme never cared that we were there alone. She knew that Em and I loved each other too much to be sexual. It would have been weird, plus I wasn't over Edward even if had been a year.

A new family had moved into town over the summer from Seattle. They had kids that were about our age and that is how I met Charlotte Masen. She was my age and she was a freak herself as well. She took pictures and was damn good at it. Emmett was in love instantly, but Charlotte kept him at an arms length distance at all time. We discovered later that Charlotte was gay and that leads to many conversations over whether or not Em turned her towards women. Charlotte would always tease him by saying that seeing his naked yeti ass was the straw that broke the camel's back. God, I love her, but not like that.

She was soul sister. She got my love of writing and instantly became my partner in it. She would read all my stories and help edit them. Charlotte quickly started to fill one of the voids that were left when Edward left me behind for a life of social acceptance in high school. She became my best friend in ways that Em was just not able to fix even though he tried.

Charlotte had an older brother by the name of Peter. Peter was 2 years older and was beautiful. He had bright blue eyes that reminded me of the sky around here when there wasn't rain. He had dark brown hair and a face that only the angels could have crafted. He almost was more beautiful than Edward. Almost.

One night at the Cullen's house Charlotte was staying the night and Em was right in my room with us, laughing and talking about what our plans for tomorrow would be. We were lucky; Em had turned 16 and was given a car for his birthday just the same as Edward since they shared the day. Em was now our link out of this small town and many times we would just all get in his car and go.

That night in question Charlotte was teasing me about Peter. Peter liked me and for some reason I found it to be so odd. Maybe it was all the time that I was told that I was plain by Tanya or Edward or maybe it was the fact that I was still reeling from Edward's rejection that made me doubt myself and how a guy could actually find me attractive. If I could go back in time to my teenage self I would tell myself that I was beautiful and not to listen to prick who tried to keep me down, but I can't, I can only go forward.

That night Edward appeared in my door way. I don't know how long was had been listening, but he just stood there and stared at me like I had grown a second head or something. It was unnerving how he stared. It made me feel naked and vulnerable. I hated it. I refused to look him in eye and then finally without a word he left. I breathed in a sigh of relief as he walked away while Emmett laughed. I didn't get why he laughed.

"You would think after the way he looks her he wouldn't be too damn surprised that someone else might be interested in her" Char said with a laugh as she rolled her eyes at Edward's behavior.

"He's a dick, forget him," Em said with an eye roll and with that we went on with our conversation.

It was after that night that I found Edward trying to worm his way back into my life, something that I had tried so hard to keep him from doing, but it was Edward and he was not one to be denied. I would find him showing up in the middle of the night while I was awake and reading. He would just walk into my room and sit down on the bed next to me. He would have a book with him and he would read in silence alongside me like he used, except this time he never got under the covers with me and when I would wake up he would be gone.

I also noticed that Edward would come along with Em, me and Char to Seattle or wherever little road trip we would decide upon. It was awkward and the conversations were stilted, but he was there without Tanya no less. It was as if he was looking for something, but I had no idea what.

One night when Em was staying with Char and me at my house so I could avoid Edward and his silent stares for just one night Edward showed up at my door. I'll never forget how bright his green eyes looked when he smiled at me.

"Why are you here?" I asked him, hoping that it didn't sound too rude, but honestly I had no clue as to why he was here.

"Because you're here," he replied with a smile that dazzled me long enough for him to get inside the house.

We all sat there silently, awkwardly watching a movie when there was a knock on the door. I opened and to find Tanya and three of her friends standing there with sarcastic smiles on their face. Sadly, I felt nothing but relief that Edward would be leaving with them, taking all the awkwardness with him.

The girls walked into my house and then decided to make themselves at home. I looked over at Edward who glanced at me with an apologetic shrug as she all sat down. In the next 20 minutes my house filled with people that I could not stand and who could not stand me.

They started to go through my things and then the liquor cabinet was open and they all were drinking. I looked around for Edward so that he could get his fuckhead friends out of there, but I could not find him or Tanya anywhere.

Char called Peter who promptly came over and tried to get a handle on things for me since no one was listening to what I had say as usual. Em tried to kick people out, but they just seemed to keep coming back.

"Bella, I know this is a bad time, but I wanted to let you know that I read your story that you left with Char. It's amazing Bella!" Peter said as he pulled me aside in the kitchen. I looked up in to his bright blue eyes and sighed. He was so damn pretty.

His complements always surprised me, but I tried to accept them gracefully. I thanked him and then we both looked over towards the pantry since we could hear what could only be described as sex sounds coming from the panty. The moaning, the panty and the chanting of _oh god._

He walked over to the door with the promise that he would kick out whoever was in there. He flung the door open and there we found Tanya. She was bent over at the waist with her skirt flipped up exposing her bare ass. I cringed as I looked at the guy in the situation since I full expected to find Edward there balls deep in Tanya, but instead there stood Mike Newton with the most retarded looking _O_ face that I have seen to date.

While I was happy it wasn't Edward, it did break my heart a little for him since it was his whore of a girlfriend with one of his tool bag friends. Peter ushered them out and then soon the party broke up as the whore queen demanded that everyone should this is lame place behind as she walked out like nothing happened.

Peter and I stood in the kitchen looking at each other for a moment before starting to laugh at the stupidity that was going on around us. It was nice to laugh with someone again.

"Bella, go out on a date with me," he said simply as he took hold of my hand. His grip was nice, but there was no electricity in his touch, not like someone I know. I thought about it for only a moment before telling him yes. It was time to move on from Edward, especially since he wasn't coming back for me any time soon.

The moment I said yes to Peter there was a loud bang n the next room like someone had punched something. We both left to look and see what the hell had happened to cause that type of noise.

The room was trashed. In the short time those fuckers had been there they had emptied my dad's booze and managed to tear up pillows and rearrange the furniture. They had no respect for anyone. It was at that moment that I discovered a hole in the front room wall. Some asshole had punched a hole in the wall. How the hell was I supposed to explain that to Charlie?

I looked around for Edward only to find him out front with Em and Char who were still chasing people away while Edward stood there, still as stone. The moment I saw him I debated if I should tell him about Tanya. I wanted to tell him. I also wanted to say that's what you get for dating a whore, but when I opened my mouth I couldn't find the word.

The look on Edward's angel face stopped me dead in my tracks. It was a look of deep sorrow and grief. I wondered if he knew already so I kept my mouth shut. Looking back, I realize that I should have told him.

"Are you going to help clean up this mess?" I demanded of him since it was his friends that caused it. Edward remained silent as he looked at me.

"Eddie honey, she can clean it up. It's her house," Tanya called as she got in a car with some of the others. Edward looked from me to her and then back again. I knew what was coming now.

"Sorry Bella, but I have to go now. I'll come back tomorrow to help out," he said with such a dead voice that it surprised me, but then he followed it up with that smile of his that now made me want to kill him.

I watched him walk away and get in the car with the whore as we now referred to her as, and her friends. He never came back the next day.

**AN:**

**Howdy all! Hope all is going well! Thanks for reading!**

**Take care,**

**Mama Sutra**

**xxoo**


	6. The first time I was published

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

Sophomore year was actually quite good with some exceptions. I was dating Peter and he was for all accounts an amazing guy. He was kind, caring, and very thoughtful. He remembered my birthday and our anniversary of the weeks and months that we were together, but it was lacking.

Char noticed it that it was lacking too, but she agreed with me that I should just roll with it since being with Peter was better than being alone. It was better for me, but not for Peter. Tanya and her whore brigade had backed up on tormenting me at school, but unfortunately for Peter the guys in their little social group of fuckheads seemed to harass him nonstop. I would ask Edward to have it stopped and he would just nod his head, but never did anything.

It was that year that I first became a published author of sorts. Char had submitted a short story of mine to a Seattle Writer's magazine. It was story of love and loss, two things that I knew about it or at least I thought I knew about at that time. Shockingly enough, the editors liked my story and published it. I got a complimentary copy of the magazine and a check for $1000.00.

I didn't tell anyone since I was kind of embarrassed of it. It was a story of love between a mortal girl names Cecelia and her vampire lover Preston. At the end of the short story Preston drains Cecelia since he couldn't overcome his desire to kill her, effecting creating his own loss of love. When I wrote it I thought of Edward. When I pictured Preston I saw Edward. It was me writing about how he was slowly killing me, draining me of any life that I had in me by his odd behavior and cold attitude.

I was scared that others would see through the story and the similarities of Preston to Edward as well as Cecelia to me so I tried to keep it secret until Peter found out. He appeared one night that I was having dinner at the Cullen's house. I will never forget Carlisle bringing him in as we all sat at the table eating. He smiled so brightly at me and then tossed the magazine down on the table as if everyone would know what the hell he was talking about. I instantly cringed because of it and Edward noticed this with a scowl towards Peter.

"Why didn't you tell me you got published?" he exclaimed all happy and shit like it was the best news ever. It was great new, I just didn't want to share it. Edward took the magazine and started to thumb through it as I tried to explain to my adopted family how I wrote short story and now it was published. I also mentioned the money.

Carlisle went on a tangent about how I should start to apply for scholarships and how this will help with college. I am sure that he is right, but I just wanted to drop it for now. Esme went on about how after dinner she was going to go and buy every copy that she could find. I didn't have the heart to tell her that there would be nowhere in Forks to get that magazine. She was just beaming with pride.

Em got up and hugged me like I had won a Nobel Prize instead of writing a sad little vampire story. I love him so. He told me of how I was on my way and how I was going to be bigger than Ann Rice. Em was dreamer and I loved him for it.

Edward sat there reading my story while everyone around him talked. I felt his eyes on me and when I looked over at him he gave me a smile, but his eyes looked angry. I prayed that he didn't notice that it was about him. I watched as he stood up and then came to hug me very stiffly before leaving the room.

The night wore on and Edward did not come back. Char came over and Esme and Carlisle broke out the Champaign in celebration of my first publishing. It was nice and I was actually happy, but then again the tension that is Edward was not there to mar it either and that made me sad too. He should have been there celebrating, but yet again he left me. I should have seen the pattern of his behavior by this time, but I was stupid young girl who somehow believed in him still.

At the night ended and Char went home with Peter. I kissed the Cullen's good night as I normally did and went off to bed. I changed in the bathroom as I spent that time talking with Em who was telling me how I needed to write a story about him and I promptly promised him that I would. I finally made it to my room and as I closed the door I breathed a sigh of relief. I leaned against the door and locked it. It was my nightly routine now to try to keep Edward out, not that it ever worked. If he wanted in he just picked the lock and walked in, not caring at all that I had locked the door in the first place.

"Why do lock me out?" a voice asked me in the darkness that caused me to jump and scream at the same time. Fucking Edward.

"Why are you sitting in the dark like a fucking creepy stalker," I replied to him, pissed that he was sitting there, basically laying in wait for me. It creeped me out like nothing else.

"You didn't answer me," he said as he turned on the light so that I could see that he was sitting on my bed, back against the head board like he always did. He was wearing his jeans and t-shirt from earlier. No, I didn't answer him, but really what did he want me to say?

Did he really want me to tell him that I cannot stand the tension and awkwardness that seems to follow him whenever he is around? I decided not to say anything at all. When he figured out that I was not going to tell him started to continue talking.

"I read your story," he said in a soft tone that reminded me of the old Edward I knew, the one that actually cared about me or so I thought. I held my breath for a moment since I had no idea what he would think and I prayed once more that the similarities between him and my character Preston were lost to him.

"I liked it, but it was a little on the sad side don't you think?" he said with a sad smile that seemed to shine right out of those bright green eyes.

"I'm glad you liked it, but I don't think that it was too sad," I said as I defended my work, after all my story was my baby in a way.

"Yeah, it was. Preston finds the love of his life and it's this amazing girl. She's more than he could ever dream of and then at the end he kills her, that's sad," Edward said with a playful look that seemed to be masking something else, but I couldn't tell what. I felt like I was being lead into a trap of some sort by Edward. I suddenly felt all nervous as he motioned for me to sit down by him. My legs took me to the bed and I sat by him, resting against the head board just like he was.

Once I was seated Edward moved. He moved so that he was sitting right in front of me, with our knees touching as we sat cross legged in front of each other. It was the same exact position that we were in for the first time that he kissed me, just thinking of that made me squirm a little since I had no idea what his plans were.

"How do you come up with your stories Bella?" he asked in almost a whisper of a voice while his eyes burned into mine with an intense look that made me sick to my stomach. I answered him in an odd, detached voice, telling him that I draw off my own experiences as well as my imagination. This was my standard answer for anyone who might ask.

"Who's sucking the life out of you Bella?" Edward asked me in a soft, almost sensual tone that took me by surprise. I looked into his eyes and they were still burning with an intensity that made me gasp as it became quite clear that he knew. The bastard knew it was about him.

I fought the urge to throw up as he reached over and took hold of my cold, clammy hand in his warm one while I waited for him to continue on with his speech. My hand felt good in his as my blood started to sing in delight from the electricity that sparked between our skin, just like it did in the past whenever we touched. I had missed that, the spark, the electricity.

Edward was silent, holding my hand in his. He stared at my hand as he flipped it over in his and began to caress my palm, which caused me to shiver in delight while making me feel instantly guilty. I had been dating Peter for almost a year. We had touch, kissed, and caresses each other. We had been naked together, explored each other's bodies with our hands and mouths. Peter had brought me to orgasms that had made me scream in delight with his fingers, tongue and mouth in my pussy, but never once had I shuddered from an innocent touch of his. I never burned for him like this. Only Edward could set me on fire from such a simple touch.

"I think that you owe Preston a better ending the one you gave him," Edward purred at me in a voice that dripped with the promise of sex, while holding my gaze with his intense green one. I felt like I was trapped in his gaze, like he was hypnotizing me. It was making me feel a little dizzy and kind of sick.

I remained silent as we were locked in our odd stare down, after all, what could I say to him? I sat there frozen in my spot as I watched Edward lean forward closing the space between us. His forehead was almost resting against mine as he let out a soft breath that fanned against my face. His breath smelled minty like he had brushed his teeth or something. I could my own breath starting to come faster just as his was speeding up as well.

Edward then moved. It was quick and surprising, but I suddenly felt his lips pressed against mine. The burn of the electricity from our touch caused me to gasp. Edward quickly used that to his advantage by opening his mouth as well and sliding his tongue against mine until our tongues were tangling together.

It started as a soft kiss and then quickly morphed into a powerful, passionate kiss that was overpowering. I felt his one hand come up to rest on my cheek as to hold my head to his while the other can held my hand tightly in his grip.

Edward was kissing me like a desperate man, like one who had gone without for too long and now was gorging himself. I was desperate as well, for him, desperate for his touch, his kiss and yet all of it was killing me slowly, just like my story.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Edward pulled away from me until our foreheads were resting against each other. He was panting for air just like I was, trying to calm down the feelings raging inside that told us to strip each other naked and fuck like animal on my bed until we had consumed each other completely.

My blood was singing in my veins for him and yet I felt dread settle in over me since I knew that this was wrong. Edward closed his eyes as we stayed in that frozen position. I guess the internal battle was a tough one for him for some reason. When he opened his eyes again he looked like he was in better control of his urges since his eyes weren't so wild looking.

"Good night Bella," he whispered to me and then brushed his lips against mine one last time before standing up and walking towards my door. I watched him go, like the stupid girl I was. Edward paused briefly before walking out. He turned to look at me one more time as if he was going to say something and in his eyes I could see sadness mixed with another intense emotion that made me stutter to breathe.

I waited for him to say he was sorry for his actions, for kissing me the way he did, but as always Edward surprised me. He said nothing more, but instead offered me a slight, sad smile before walking out of my room without another word being said.

Once he was gone I got up and promptly locked the door, not that it mattered. If Edward wanted in he would let himself in, no matter what I did. I slumped down the door frame and sat on the carpeted floor below in shock as what had transpired set in for me.

He knew about my story and wanted a different ending for the characters that were us on paper. I should have told him that I could not see a better ending for these two. I should have told him that he always would be the slow death of me; little did know how true that would be.

**AN:**

**Thanks to all that are reading this! Sorry I didn't get this out yester day like I had planned, but I had a test to take in my summer class so RL had to take priority for change. I'm also sorry about the length of this chapter. I have been trying to keep them short and easy to read, right around 2000 words and this one is more close to 2500 words including this AN. I am thinking about throwing in an EPOV so tell me what you think about that if you would like that or not. This story will get to be more present time once I can get them out of high school. I just l feel like it is important to know their history. I hope to update another chapter yet today, but no promises since I have no idea what today may hold in store for me.**

**Take care,**

**Mama Sutra**

**xxoo**


	7. The first time I went to a party

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The summer between sophomore year and junior year was one that was filled with excitement and bittersweet sorrow. Peter had graduated from high school which was good for him, but by the end of summer he would be leaving me behind to attend college in California. I tried to be happy for him, but all I could think of was that I was being left once more and that hurt even if I did not love Peter.

I spent the first part of summer in a flurry of writing. I had decided that I would give Em his story about himself for his birthday. I would spend days and nights hold up with the new sleek laptop that my absent dad gave me as a gift for getting published. I think the gift helped ease his guilty mind of leaving me to the Cullen's the way he did.

Em's story was an easy one to write. I named my character inspired by him Michael, its Em's middle name, and he had the powers of strength, speed and loyalty. He was a vampire of course, but unlike Preston who bubbled with intensity, Michael was calm, normal if you will, just like Em.

I wrote a story of Michael and of his finding his true love Beatrice who was a blonde haired, blue eyed beauty. They fought off a bad vampire clan and rode off happily ever after. It was short, sweet, action pack and even had some hot sex in it. It was just the type of story that Em would love.

Once when I was writing his story while sitting in the kitchen at 3 in the morning I looked up to discover that Edward was there watching me. He had a slight smile on his face as if he was enjoying watching me write. It was the first time since the night he kissed me that we were alone again without the buffer of the others in his family.

I instantly felt this longing to go to him, but I fought it since I knew that Edward was lost to me. I had no idea why he kept hovering, but he did and it made me feel sick. It was the first time that I just wished he would go, but not the last time I wished that for him.

His words from that night that he spoke to me before he kissed me went through my head. _I think you owe Preston a better ending then the one you gave him. _I knew at that moment what I would do. I would give Preston the ending that he longed for. I would give Edward the ending that could be his if he wasn't such an asshole. I finished the story for Em and then started back on my story with Preston and Cecelia.

Nights seemed to go for me like that. I would write furiously and then I would look up to find Edward watching me. It was odd, but it seemed to help in channeling what I needed to say to him concerning this alternate ending that was tailor made just for him.

When I would decide to write in my room I would even leave the door unlocked for him and the first time he discovered that he didn't need to pick the lock he walked in chuckling. He would then sit on the bed next to me and read just like he used to. I should have thrown him out. I should have never even written what could have been between Preston and Cecelia/ Edward and me since it hung out there like a broken window reminding me always for what could have, should have been.

When I done pouring my heart and soul into my story for Edward I stepped back and reread. It was a different ending alright. Preston didn't kill Cecelia, but instead he loved her, he changed her to be like him so he could have her forever. Their love over powered his need to control and kill. Cecelia's faith in Preston saved not only her, but him as well. They went off into eternity making love, laughing and being blissfully happy. It was a good ending.

I had both books printed and bound in a leather case for each of them to present to them on their birthday. I gave Em his story in front of the family. They all ooh and awed as he smiled in delight at the surprise of it.

I couldn't Edward's gift in front of everyone so instead what was given in front of the family was a gift certificate to a book store in Seattle for him to enjoy. He seemed relieved and yet a little sad it seemed like as he thanked me for the card, all the while his book was wrapped in a box with a big red bow sitting in the middle of his bed waiting for him.

I had placed it there earlier when I knew that he was busy with his mom. I snuck into his room and was instantly surprised by the lack pictures of Tanya. I would have thought that he would have had one up of her, but there was nothing on his mostly bare gold colored walls. I walked over to his large bed that was covered in a black bedspread and placed my gift wrapped package in the center and then looked t his night stand to discover that there was a framed picture of him, me and Em from our last family outing to Walt Disneyland. It had been taken earlier in the year and we all looked so happy, which was odd since typically the strain of tension could be seen between us all.

I walked out of his room then leaving my present for him to find later. He never said anything to me about the present or what his reaction was to my different ending for him. As I look back on the situation I realize now that his silence spoke volumes that words couldn't.

After I had given Edward the story I didn't see him hardly at all, which was fine by me I guess. It was like he had dropped off the side of the planet. We would only see each other in passing and when we did I would only get a tight lipped smile from him. It was irritating, but I figured that this was the Edward I was used to now.

The summer was passing and I was trying to make the most of my time with Peter before he left. We would go shopping for his dorm things that he needed and then spend the rest of the night kissing up to the point of losing control. I knew that Peter wanted to have sex with me. I knew that we could only finger, and blow each other so much before he would at least try to talk me into having full on sex with him, but honestly I just couldn't do it. When I thought about my first time my only thought was that it had to count for something, it had to mean something since you only get that one first time.

I can't really say that I had someone in mind since the only other person I had ever done anything remotely sexual with was Edward and he was out of the question. I just knew that I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved and who loved me. I didn't think that it was too much to ask. I knew that Peter loved me, but I didn't love him so I just couldn't do it. This lack of full on sex never stopped us from fucking around and Peter never complained, especially considering how good I got at giving head.

In the last weeks of summer Peter invited me to go with him to a party that one of his former classmates was throwing as a good bye party. I did not want to go since I knew Tanya would be there. That whore never missed a party and if she was there it also meant that most likely Edward would be there. I didn't know if I could stand to see them together, especially after knowing about her fucking Mike Newton. I ended up going to the party any way even though I tried to talk Peter out of it.

That night as we walked in Peter was handed a cup of something, I think it was a mixed drink and he started drinking. We had never really drank before together and for some reason I could not shake the idea that drinking that night would be bad thing so I did not drink. I watched Peter get hammered and then tried to lead him away from the party in hopes that I could get his keys to drive us home.

At the party there were some kids I knew from school, but mostly it was Edward's friends and God knows that I hated them all. They were louder and more dickheadish when they were drinking. It was almost too much to take.

I looked around the crowded room for Edward, but I never found him. I found Tanya sprawled across Mike Newton and my stomach heaved at the sight. They were still screwing around behind Edward' back like the cowards they were.

Peter was about to pass out and Tyler Crowley suggested that I take him to lay down in the back room. Tyler was friends with Peter and he was going to try to track down Char, who was not at the party, to see if she and Em could help get us out of there.

I had helped him down the hallway and had just gotten him in the room when I noticed a shadow behind me in the door way. I was fully expecting it to be Edward since he had a knack of popping up out of thin air, but was shocked to see it was Mike Newton leaning in the doorway. He had a leering look about him that set off warning bells inside. I knew that I was in danger.

I walked closer to him, thinking that if I could get him out in the hall I could possibly get away. Mike watched me as I walked closer. I was just brushing past him to head back to the party when he reached out and grabbed my left wrist and squeezed it hard.

"Where are you going?" he said to me in a slur that was thick with alcohol. I fought off a dry heave as I thought about all the self defense bull shit that Charlie had shown me at one time when he discovered that the Cullen brothers were becoming men. I knew that Mike was up to no good and if he thought I was just going to lie down to take whatever sexual assault or rape he had in mind for me he was wrong.

I promptly brought my right hand back, curled it into a fist liked Edward had shown me years ago and then punched him in the nose with all the strength I could summon. I heard a crunching sound as I felt his nose seem to give a little. Mike staggered backwards from the force of my blow and as he did he let go of my wrist to clutch his nose that now had blood streaming from it.

When he let go of me I scrambled back into the bedroom where Peter lay, pasted out, blissfully unaware of what had just happened. I slammed the door shut and locked it before sliding down the door to sit on the floor in front of it. I could hear Mike cussing and spitting in the hallway.

I knew that I needed help. I pulled out my phone and instantly thought of Emmett. He would come in here with guns blazing and beat the piss out of Mike Newton to get me out of here. I quickly hit the number on my speed dial and waited as the phone started to ring on the other end.

"What's wrong?' the concerned voice asked me on the other end. I almost dropped the phone in surprise since I had dialed Edward, not Emmett.

"Bella, are you ok?" he asked me getting agitated that I was not answering.

"Uh, yes…no. Edward, I need help," I finally whimpered into the phone just as my right hand started to throb.

I explained to him what had happened. I told him about Peter passing out and I could hear his sharp intake of air as I told him about Mike. He asked me specifically were I was and then told me to stay with him. I could hear movement in the back ground on his line.

"Open the damn door you stupid bitch!"Mike yelled as he pounded on the door to the point where the frame was shaking. Edward could hear him through the phone line.

"I'm in my car, Bella; I'll be there in 5 minutes. Just stay with me. I won't let him hurt you," he cooed to me, trying to keep me calm I'm sure.

"If you broke my nose I will kill you, you little freak," Mike yelled as the assault on the door continued.

"I'm inside the house Bella, I'm seconds away from you now,' Edward cooed again, as I sighed into the phone. Thank god he was here, I didn't think the door could take much more and I knew I couldn't take any more.

"I'm here," Edward cooed one last time to me and then there was silence on the other side of the door. I knew he was in the hallway with Mike. I knew that I was taking a chance on Edward, a big chance considering that in the last 2 years he had chosen his friends over me time and time again.

I couldn't bear not to see what was going on so I opened the door like the dummy I am. My reasoning behind such a foolish move was that if Edward was going to betray me I wanted to see it with my own eyes.

The door opened and there stood Edward, he had Mike Newton pinned up against the wall in a choke hold. I had never seen him look so enraged, it was frightening. I reached forward and took hold of his arm. My hand touched his bare skin since he was only wearing a t-shirt and instantly he turned to look at me.

"Are you ok?" he asked me calmly as if nothing was going on, not that he wasn't choking out Mike right there.

"Yeah, let's go," I said to him as I motioned for him to let go of Mike. Edward eyed me skeptically for a moment and then let go of Mike. We watched as Mike slid down the wall to a crumpled pile on the floor.

"I see you remembered how to throw a punch,' Edward said with a laugh as he pointed at Mike's bloody and now swollen nose. I could only smile in return, since yes, I had remembered. I watched as Edward leaned down to talk to Mike who was still gasping for air.

"If I find out that you have hurt her more than what she is telling me right now, I will come back to finish you, ok?" Edward said in a cold, dead manner with eyes that matched his tone as Mike flinched in front of him.

I lead Edward to where Peter was laying. We agreed to leave him be and told Tyler on our way out that Peter was sleeping it off back there. Tyler didn't care; I guess it had been Peter's plan all along to stay over.

I followed Edward out to his silver Volvo. It was so different that the huge red Jeep that Em had. He opened the door for me and then got in. the drive back to his house was quiet and I was thankful for that.

We walked into the silent house and Edward lead me upstairs. He instructed me to change and that he would be back. I switched into a t-shirt and boxers to sleep in just like I did every night.

He came back with a bag of ice for my hand and then we sat together in his room watching TV. It was quiet and nice, no awkwardness, no tension for a change. I looked over at Edward, who was watching me like he always seemed to, and gave him a smile of thanks. He just nodded his head as if he understood what I was trying to wordlessly say.

I fell asleep sometime during that night while watching a very lame movie with him. I barely remember him tucking me under the covers of his bed and then joining me there. I could kind of remember feeling the bare skin of his chest against my arms as he pulled me close since I could feel the zing of electricity pass between us. I sort of remembered the feel of his lips pressed against my forehead as he gave me a goodnight kiss.

"Thank you for my gift. I like your ending better now. It suits them better. They belong together you know," he whispered against my skin as I agreed sleepily with him that he was right. He laughed at me softly as I yawned while agreeing.

"Go to sleep my Bella,' he whispered and then I felt his lips brush against mine before I fell back to sleep. I felt warm and the crackle of the electricity that passed between us seemed to be lulling me back into a deep sleep.

In the morning I awoke alone in my bed, not his, with a sore hand. It was the only proof I had that the night in question even happened at all.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Once again this chapter is longer than my 2000 word goal by about a 1000 words, but I needed to get a few things in there so I guess that is how it goes! Is anyone interested in an Edward point of view? Do you think that it would throw off this Bella told story or are you wondering what the hell is going through his mind anyway? Let me know!**

**Take care,**

**Mama Sutra**

**xxoo**


	8. The first time I was left alone pt 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

My junior year of high school sucked ass. There was no other way around it. It just sucked. Edward's heroics the night of the ill fated party was twisted into a perverted mess. The rumor mill turned that night from me being attacked by Mike to Edward just showing up and fucking me in the car outside of the house while my boyfriend was passed out inside.

The first time Emmett heard some fuckhead from the cool table cough _whore_ as I walked by in the lunch room he lost his mind. He got up and promptly punched the guy in the nose, breaking it. I liked to tease Em about it since it was Mike Newton and I had already broken his nose so I must have weakened the spot for him.

Em tried to figure out what the hell was going on with the whole calling me a whore. He talked to Edward and told him to get this cleared up with his friends. I told Em that the truth does not always over power gossip, especially when the gossip is so good like the story that was going around about me, but I silently prayed that Edward would take care of this. Char told me not to hold my breath, she was right as usual.

We discovered that while Edward was not saying that it was true that we had sex, but at the same time he was not denying it either. As a matter of fact it seemed like he was almost implying that we were together like that. Once more Em lost his shit when he found about this. I walked into the lunch room that day to discover that Em had Edward by his neck just like Darth Vader had that guy in Star Wars, basically choking him out. I laughed as I watched Mr. Hutchinson, who was our sociology teacher; try to pull Em off Edward since Em was not budging at all.

I walked over and placed my hand on Em, telling him to let Edward go and then snickered as Edward dropped to the ground with a huff.

"If you would just listen I will explain," Edward said, all pissed off at Em as he shoved him. I stepped between the two and placed my hand on Edward's arm to stop him. He stopped moving and looked at me with sad eyes that about killed me. He always killed me.

"Oh, you'll explain alright, I'm calling your dad!" Mr. Hutchinson yelled and then dragged them both out of the lunch room. Char and I sat there dumbfounded by it all and hoped that Em would tell us later on what the hell was going on, but he never did. If Edward explained his behavior I never heard what his reasons were.

The rumor mill of course had a hey day with the latest installment of what Char and I loving called The Life of Bella Swan: Town Whore. I guess according to these people it was now a love triangle between Em, Edward and me. Which Cullen brother would I choose?

Char and I laughed about this all time since otherwise I probably would have cried about it. Em would sometime get in on the joke and give me a list over why he was the better Cullen brother, but his list typically started with dick size and from there would get worse. Like I said, at least we could laugh about it.

The year passed slowly and I rarely saw Edward. He didn't sit in the lunch room any more with his so called fuckhead friends. I didn't know where he was hiding, but he wasn't here. We were in some classes together, but we didn't sit by each other unless we had to. It was just easier that way. I could enjoy the class without the tension of being right next to him and he could stare at me from a distance. He seemed to like that.

I would think often of Peter. I would wonder how he was doing in California, away from the drudgery that this small town brought. We would exchange emails, but they were becoming fewer and further between. I think he may have found a girl and if he did I wished him nothing but happiness. Peter was a great guy and he deserved nothing but the best.

Peter came back at Christmas. My guess was correct, there was a girl. I think that he was actually worried about telling me. I'll be honest. I was relieved to hear that he had moved on. I didn't want to think about him looming out there, waiting for me like I was some sort of prize. I was glad to have him gone.

I would spend most nights back at the Cullen's house in my make shift bedroom that they gave me. Since the year was just so shitty I spent a lot of time writing. This thrilled Char since she kept telling me that my writing was improving. She would continue to submit stories to the Seattle's Writers Magazine and they would publish them.

My story collection grew as did my bank account. My adopted family would all go one with fan fair about my writing, well, all of them except Edward. He would remain silent when they spoke of it. I often wondered what he was thinking concerning my writing, but I never had the nerve to ask him.

I would find myself writing until late at night and just like some of the times before I would find Edward there in the shadows watching me. When I was on a writers frenzy I would leave my door open and unlocked, silently inviting him in to sit by me. Most nights that I did this he would gladly show up without a word, but with a book in hand.

Since it was junior year we all started to look at colleges. Emmett was being recruited by many schools for football and with the grades that Edward and I pulled we were a shoe in no matter where we went. Em was focused on going to the Big Ten, which would put him at schools located in the Midwest. He was a fan of the smash mouth football that was played there verses the stylized football of the PAC 10. Me, well, I was just looking for any means out of Forks that would take me far away so the Midwest was looking pretty good. I wasn't sure about Edward. I was never sure about Edward.

After several campus visits I was torn between the University of Iowa and Northwestern. The University of Iowa had the great writer's program, but Northwestern had Chicago. It was a tough call. I know that Em was leaning towards Iowa and that helped a little in my deciding factor.

One night during one of our trips to Iowa to check out the campus I noticed that Edward was watching me with a concerned look. I was used to him watching me, but the concerned look was new. We were in our hotel room that we shared with Em. I would be sleeping by Em of course, which was hard since Em snored like he was cutting logs. When I couldn't take him looking at me any more I asked him what his problem was.

"I don't have a problem. I'm just trying to figure out why you are so hell bent on leaving Washington behind," he replied softly so he would not wake Em up. No one wanted to wake Em up since he was such a dick if you did. I walked over so I was sitting by him on his bed so that we could talk without talking over Emmett.

"I just need to leave it and all the bad memories that it brings behind me," I said softly as I slid a little closer to him. I waited for him to move since I was rather close now, close enough that I could feel his body heat radiating off him.

"All your memories are bad there?" he questioned me as his green eyes locked with mine. I knew what he was asking, he was asking about leaving him behind. Did I consider him a bad memory? At times I did, and yes, the thought of hurting him like he has hurt me did sound appealing in the most childish way possible, but that wasn't me. I couldn't do that to him, even if he deserved to have his ego crushed a little.

"Not all my memories, but quite a few of them," I replied as I held his gaze. I watched him nod his head as if he understood what I was implying.

"So, Iowa huh?' he asked me, trying to get me to commit to a school. This was first time he had ever tried to get me to commit to anything.

"Yeah, I think so. They have a great program for writers and if the writing thing doesn't work out I'll get my law degree and become an attorney," I replied back with all the confidence in my voice that I really lacked in my decisions. Edward nodded his head again, but didn't offer up what his plans were. I figured his plans would take him where ever Tanya was and who knew what community college that would be? Her grades were shit since she spent all her time fucking and getting drunk.

After we got home from Iowa things went back to normal. Well, normal for us. School was the same. The same fuckheads with their cough,_ whore,_ cough, although sometime they varied it up by interchanging _whore_ with _freak._ It was a good day when it was _freak_. The same classes that seemed never ending, the same people, the same everything.

Edward was the same as well. Sometimes I would see him with his friends in the lunch room and sometimes I would not. He ignored me like he didn't know me most days, which was something that still hurt like a motherfucker, but I was used to it by now since it had been 3 years. There were also some days that he actually sat with Em, me and Char at lunch. Those days were typically more stressful since everyone stared at us. The gossip mill also justified him sitting by me at lunch by saying that I had blown him in the guy's bathroom right before so he was just giving me some pity attention. It was always after his visits that the cough, cough,_ whore _ would start up back up when I would walk by his friends.

What I didn't understand was why Tanya was basically leaving me alone? I would have thought that she would have been all over the idea of me cheating with her man, but she wasn't. Don't get me wrong, the evil whore was still just as bitchy as ever, but she left me alone for the most part.

One day in the spring of Junior while I was in advanced Chemistry the school nurse/counselor came to our class looking for me. This was a class that I shared with Edward and one of the few classes that we actually sat by each other in. I looked over at him as I got up to walk out to see what was going on, just to see if he knew anything about this and he just shrugged as if he was as lost as I was concerning this.

Once Nurse Clark had me in the hall way I saw Officer Sam Uley standing there looking at me with such sorrowful eyes. I still had no idea what was going on.

"Bella, dear, your father has been shot," Nurse Clark started out saying, but I didn't hear the rest. I think I started to scream, but I'm not sure. The next thing I remember is Edward kneeling there in front of me with a panicked look in his eyes as he asked me to breathe as I lay on the hard, hallway floor.

Officer Uley led me and Edward out to his car. He was taking us to the hospital to see my dad. The school officials tried to keep Edward in class, but he insisted on going and then I demanded that he leave with me. I needed him. I needed the support.

We sat there in the back of the squad car with Edward's warm hand holding my cold one while he texted Em and then his mom with the other free hand. Carlisle already knew since he was at the hospital, most likely treating my dad.

On the drive over I discovered that my dad was shot in the line of duty. He had pulled over a questionable car and as he walked up the guy inside opened fire. My dad was shot twice in the chest and he wasn't wearing his bullet proof vest that day since he was coming back from some luncheon with the Mayor and saw no need for it.

At the hospital I was greeted by other members of the police force, but I wanted to be left alone. I just wanted to know how my dad was, but there was no one to tell me since they were still working on him. I sat in a chair at the far end of the waiting room with Edward wrapped around me in a protective manner, it was like he was trying to shield me from the circus that was occurring before us. I gladly tried to take cover in his arms since I hated the attention.

I don't know how long it took, but it seemed like hours before Esme and Emmett showed up with Char in tow. They rushed past the others and took seats by Edward and I. Esme held my other free hand and whispered to me that everything would be fine and as much as I hoped it would I just couldn't believe her.

I hadn't cried yet and everyone seemed to be concerned about this fact. I guess they thought that as his only daughter I should be a blubbering mess at this point, but I couldn't cry. I really didn't know my dad. He had happily turned me over to Esme once mom left and he really wasn't ever around. It was like being asked to cry over a stranger.

Every time one of the men from the police force would come up I could feel Edward's arm tighten around my shoulders. I would look at him and he would dismiss the guy like he was holding court in the waiting room. I think of all the times that I hated his dismissive attitude and now there I sat being thankful that he was such a prick at times.

Carlisle finally emerged from the surgery area after what had to have been hours. He was wearing blue scrubs that appeared to be clean since there was not a drop of blood on them. He walked past the crowd that kept calling for him to come over and instead headed right for me. He looked at me with sad green eyes that looked so similar to Edward's. I had never noticed how similar they were until this moment.

"Bella, honey, I'm sorry we did all we could," he said in a sad, but yet authorative voice as he kneeled in front of my chair.

It's funny the things you notice in life changing moments like. I noticed how the florescent lights made Carlisle's hair look white instead of blonde. I noticed the purple bags under Edward's eyes. I noticed that Em was crying. I had never seen him cry before, not even when he broke his leg when we were 12. I could hear the collective gasp from police officers as they news spread in the room. I could hear Esme whispering to me that it would be ok. It was comforting even if it was a lie. Nothing was going ok.

I asked Carlisle if I could see my dad, even though all the cops started saying that I shouldn't. He thankfully ignored them and told me to give him a moment and then he looked at Edward and smiled slightly. It was at that time that I noticed that I had a white knuckled death grip on Edward's hand.

"Sorry," I whispered to him as I tried to let go a little, but he refused to let go of my hand.

"No need to be sorry," he whispered back and then squeezed my hand while his mom continued to chant that all would be fine next to me.

Carlisle reappeared a few minutes later and ushered me into a private room, leaving Edward behind even though he looked worried for me. I stopped as I reached the door way. I could see my dad laying there on the gurney. There was a sheet that was brought up to his shoulders. Carlisle had instructed me not to move the sheet.

I walked closed to look at him and was surprised over how peaceful he looked in death. His eyes were closed and his face was wiped clean of any worry lines. He looked years younger than 35. His dark hair had been combed that was obvious to me since I had never seen it lay so flat except for in pictures. His brush moustache was hiding his mouth, but I swear to you I thought I saw a smile there.

I stepped closer and touched his arm. He was still warm to the touch. It was so odd that he was dead. I couldn't seem to wrap my head around it. He was only 35, how could he be dead? I stood there touching his arm, feeling it cool beneath my finger tips, when Carlisle walked in. I looked back at him and saw that Edward was lurking in the shadows outside the door, waiting for me, like usual.

"Bella we have some decisions to make," Carlisle began out as he stepped closer to me. I knew what was coming. We needed to set up his funeral. We needed to look into life insurance. We needed to see what would happen to me.

"I've called your mom," Carlisle said and it was that statement that brought back to reality. I did not want my mom around. She left and when she left she did not look back. I've never heard from her, ever, No Christmas cards, birthday cards, nothing. She was the last person I needed now.

I looked over at Edward who was still lurking outside and once our eyes met he came into the room, he walked over and took hold of my hand once more. I looked up at him with what I was sure a panicked look and he answered it with one of his own.

"I don't want my mom involved. She left Carlisle, and hasn't bothered to look back in 7 years. She doesn't need to be here," I replied calmly as I squeezed the life out of Edward's hand.

"Ok, let's call an attorney as well," he replied as he looked me over with a concerned look before stepping out, leaving me and Edward alone with my dad. I looked back at my dad, he seemed almost happy now.

The men from the police station started coming in to the room. I guess someone told them it was ok to come back. It wasn't me that was for sure. A police officer that I did not recognize came up to me and tried to pull me aside, but I wouldn't budge. Whatever he had to say he could say right there.

"I was the first one to respond when your dad was shot. I wanted to let you know that before he passed out he told me to tell you that you would be ok. He said tell Bella she'll be ok,' the young officer said to me. He looked traumatized. I almost felt bad for him.

I needed to get out of there. I tugged on Edward's hand telling him it was time to go and he quickly pushed our way out of the crowded room so we were in the hall. I looked down one hall and could see the TV cameras there all ready to capture what should be the tear covered face of the dead Chief of Police's daughter. I was going to disappoint them since I just couldn't find it in me to cry.

"Come on, I know another way out," Edward said as he tugged on my hand, pulling me in the other direction. I followed him blindly, trusting him to get me out of this mess while my hand clasped his tightly. This would not be the first time I trusted him to lead us to some other safe haven away from the peril that was real life.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Sorry, but I have to make ch8 a 2 parter. There is just too much going on here so I wanted to break it up. Chapter 9 will be the continuation of Bella's junior year and what happens from Charlie's death. I will start to work on it as soon as I post this chapter so I won't leave you hanging for long I promise!Thank you all for reading and for reviewing. It makes me giddy that you do read & review! After some of you wonderful people have responded to my question concerning an EPOV I wanted to share that I will provide one, but it will be an outtake or something like that so that way it does not take away from Bella's story here and yes, Edward has a story as well!**

**Take care!**

**Mama Sutra**

**xxoo**


	9. The first time I was left alone pt 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Shocking huh?

Part 2

Edward was able to lead me out of the maze that was the underbelly of the Forks General Hospital. I discovered that he had lead us out the back and once we were there Esme, Em and Char were waiting for us. I guess Edward let them know we were on our way out and were to find us, but I don't remember him stopping to call or text.

I glanced at my phone to discover that it was 6PM. I had been at the hospital all day. It didn't really seem that long. Esme made getting dinner the first order of business and then getting us home. Edward stayed by my side the entire time except for the 20 minutes that he and Em were gone getting Edward's car from school. While he was gone he left Char with strict orders to call him if I needed him.

I wasn't sure if I needed him or not. I wanted him sure, but the Edward that he had been for the last three years left me worried that once I would learn to lean on him that he would just leave me once more.

The night wore on and Carlisle came home. The house was silent and heavy. I could feel the heaviness in the air making it hard for me to breathe. I constantly felt like I was just on the edge of falling, it made me more anxious.

Edward was my constant, which was making me feel odd as well. He was everywhere. His hand in mine, his eyes on me, watching me like I was about to shatter, which looking back I guess I looked that way.

At about 9 o'clock that night the door bell rang and I cringed. Reporters had been trying to get a hold of me all night trying for a statement. We had taken the phone off the hook just to avoid them. Carlisle came back in the room from answering the door with some people in tow.

It was Billy Black and his son Jacob. Billy was my dad's lifelong best friend. On the weekends if Dad was around so was Billy. Billy had lost his wife to a car wreck years earlier and so with dad being a lone as well they hung out a lot. I used to tease dad that Billy was his lover, which would promptly earn me a scowl of displeasure.

I guess he had looked for me at the hospital, but with my great escape with Edward he had missed me. I asked him to help with the funeral planning since I did not need the stupid police force to do this. My dad's job was a police officer, but that wasn't who he was, you know. He was a guy with a daughter, had hobbies just like the rest of us and that was what I wanted to project at his service. Billy agreed and offered to help sort pictures tomorrow since the funeral home would want them for some DVD that they do.

Billy walked off with Carlisle leaving Jake with Em, Char, me and Edward. Jake was the type of guy that nothing bothered so being in a room with others that he didn't know didn't faze him at all.

"So, the word is that you are a famous author," Jake started with a teasing smile. I love Jake. He always knew how to make me smile. He just knew that in all this heavy I would need some sunshine.

"I read your stories. I love them by the way, but did you have to include the tribe's legend? You know I almost got my ass kicked when Sam figured out that it had to be me that told you the story," He said with a laugh that made me laugh. It felt good to laugh at that moment.

"But Jake, I put you in the story,' I replied to him. I had put him the story. I had created a character based on him that was just as warm and loving as what he was.

Billy and Jake left and as they did the heaviness returned. I hadn't eaten yet and here it was 10 at night. Edward was practically begging me eat so I said I would drink a malt and with that we left in search of the Dairy Freeze that was open until 11.

We had to drive by where the ill fated stop was that ended my dad's life on the way there. I tried not to look as we drove by on the other side of the road. Edward grabbed my hand and held it in his as we drove by. He didn't look either.

After getting the malt we had to drive back. I knew that he was thinking of ways to avoid the sight, but I told him I was fine. We drove and as we got to the spot I noticed that he was speeding. It was at that moment that I felt the need to stop. I needed to see the spot for some morbid reason. Maybe it was because that was the last place my dad was alive and healthy? Maybe it was because I needed to see the place that my dad laid, knowing that he was dying? Maybe it was because I thought that if I was there I could make better sense of what the hell he meant by saying that I would be ok?

I made Edward stop and I got out. He quickly followed behind me. It was strange standing there. People had already littered the area with crosses and flowers as well as a few pictures of my dad. There was broken glass there. I guess a window had been shot out.

I could feel Edward behind me as I kneeled down on the gravel. I needed to feel where my dad rested, where he waited for help and determined that he would die. I wondered what he thought about. I wondered if his life flashed before his eyes. I wondered if I was more than just a passing thought to him. I wondered if he viewed me like a mistake like my mom did.

Once back at the Cullen's I ate my malt while Edward watched me silently. I was used to his eyes on me all the time so it didn't bother me like it should have I guess. Once I was done I decided that I would try to sleep. I took off alone and changed into my shirt and boxers.

When I stepped out of the bathroom both Em and Edward were waiting in the hall for me. They followed me into my room and as I got into bed the followed me there as well so I was sandwiched between the two of them. I could not help thinking about what people would say if some of the whores from school saw this since it would really add to the story line of my love triangle between Edward and Em. I let out an involuntary giggle as I thought of that stupidity.

"I know what you are thinking you pervert," Em said as he heard me giggle. He rolled over to face me since before we had been smashed together with Edward's chest against my back and my chest into Em's back. His movement almost sent Edward pilling off the bed, causing him to grab me to hold him in place.

Of course Em would know. He was right there with me on most days that we would hear about my sordid love triangle.

"I think mom should get a picture of this and leak it. The caption could be" The decision has been made," Em said with a dramatic tone that made me laugh even more. It felt good to laugh.

"What the hell are you two talking about?" Edward asked as he pulled on me, trying to get me to turn a bit to look at him.

"Bella's love triangle between you and me, it's all the hot gossip," Em said with a snicker. I looked back at Edward who just looked confused and a little hurt.

"Oh come on, you know," I said with a sigh as I looked anywhere, but in his eyes. Edward claimed not to know anything so I explained that his friends had created this amazing story line in which I was a whore that was shared by the Cullen brothers. As I told the story I watched as his eyes started to glow with anger.

"Who said this?" he demanded as he sat up in bed, causing Em to fall off the other side with a thud.

"Your friends, that's who," I said as my anger started to rise. It pissed me off to think that he was just going to play stupid with me.

"You know cough, cough, _whore_?" I said to him reminding him of what they did.

"They called you a whore?" he asked as he stood up and started to pace. I nodded at him since he looked almost scary as he paced back in forth in my room like a tiger waiting to pounce. He then stopped suddenly and walked out.

I looked at Em trying to figure out what had happened and he just shrugged a little.

"I don't think he knew. They never did that in front of him you know," Em said with a shrug as he got back in bed beside me. Could it be true that all of this mistreatment was something that Edward was oblivious to?

"But you told him to have it stopped," I replied trying to figure out what the hell happened.

"I told him to have his friends leave you alone. He told me he had no control, but he would do what he could. I never told him what was being said," Em said with a sigh as he frowned at me.

"But you threatened him in the lunch room," I countered back, knowing that my voice was all high pitched like it gets right before I go into hysterics.

"I threatened him because he wasn't denying that he had sex with you. He told me the same thing you did about gossip and said that if he denied it that every one would think it was true. He also said that maybe if people thought you were together they would drop it. It seemed like a logical thing; unfortunately the scene I caused started the whole love triangle when it probably would have gone away on its own. I'm sorry Bella," Em said with such a sad look on his face.

I couldn't be mad at Em. He was just trying to help and I guess so was Edward in his own twisted way. Thinking back Edward wasn't ever there when I was called a whore. He wasn't with his friends a whole lot looking back on it.

I tried to understand Edward's logic behind the handling of people saying that I had sex with him and I guess I could see it even though it pissed me off still. He was right. If he had outright denied it everyone would have thought that it was true, not just hot gossip to talk about.

I stood up with a heavy sigh, knowing that I needed to talk to Edward even though I was in mood and the timing was shit since I had dad's death to deal with. I should have known that timing would always be shit when it came to Edward. I walked out of my room, leaving Em behind. He knew I was off to find Edward so there was no need to explain where I was going.

I found Edward in his room He was putting clothes on.

"Where are you going?" I asked him as I sat down on his bed. He paused long enough to stare at me. I knew where he was going. He was off to kick someone's ass.

"Just stop ok? It's no big deal. People have gossiped about me since I was a baby Edward," I replied with a laugh as I shook my head. Edward stopped what he was doing and walked over in front of me. He dropped to his knees and suddenly we were about eye to eye as I sat there. It was unnerving to see him so defeated like that.

"It is a big deal, Bella," he replied softly as he looked at me with eyes blazing. There was an intensity there that made me sick to my stomach.

We were silent then, just looking at each other. I sat there with Edward kneeling and wedged between my legs. He had a look of pain on his face as he sighed in defeat. He then began to tell me what had happened. He told me of how he had come to some conclusion and decided that he was done. He was done with the Forks elite scene, as I called them.

Edward assured me that he had no idea about the name calling. He knew that they were assholes, but that was why he was done. I wondered what had happened to cause him to be done so I asked and the only answer he would give me is 'you don't want to know trust me on that'. That answer left me wanting to know the answer even more, but he would not budge on it.

"I'm so sorry Bella. If I had known that Mike was harassing you…" he started out saying as he looked down at the gold carpet that was on the floor him.

"Edward,…" I started out saying. I was going to tell him my new favorite line of the night which was 'everything will be ok', but once I looked at his face I stopped dead in my tracks. His eyes might mine and they were wet with unshed tears swimming in them. It was another first since I had never, ever seen Edward cry. I found myself speechless.

"I, uh, I tried so hard to avoid you getting hurt, but yet…" he said slowly as he paused for a moment like he was collecting his thoughts while I was still rendered speechless.

"I, uh, I don't deserve it, but would you please forgive me?" he said in a whisper of his voice. It was heartbreaking and emotional. I had no idea why he was so broken over it, but like the stupid girl I am I could not tell him no. I nodded a yes to him and then found myself in a tight hug. I could hear Edward sigh in relief as I felt my stomach twist into knots.

After a moment of just hugging Edward let me go and we walked back into my room where Em was waiting on us.

"Did you kiss and make up?" Em teased as I crawled in next to him as he settled himself on his side so I could press my body next to his as Edward pressed next to me.

"Yes, well, we made up anyway," Edward said back with a sigh as he wrapped an arm around my middle and pulled me back so I was closer to him. I closed eyes and sleep found me.

The next morning Esme got us all up and did not say a word about all of us in bed together, which I was glad. I think she understood that I needed the comfort that these boys could provide. It was a safe feeling being cocooned in around them and it made Esme smile to see me using Em as a pillow while Edward used me as one as well.

Esme sent us off to get dressed since this would be a big day. When a person has to bury a family member or loved one there is laundry list of things that need to be done. You have to pick out the casket, flowers, and arrange the service. The funeral home may want pictures from when they were alive to have around to remind people of the good times. It just goes on and on. In my case I needed to do all of that plus more since my dad was the Chief of Police and there would be a grand hoopla made of his funeral. Thankfully I had Esme to really handle it for me since I did not want to be the conductor on that crazy train.

I stepped into shower and quickly found comfort as the hot water hit me. I had only been a while and started to wash my hair when I heard a noise outside of the shower. I poked my head out from behind the curtain and discovered Edward was sitting on the vanity waiting for me.

"What are you doing?" I asked him as I looked at his face that seemed to be wiped free of any emotion.

"I came to check on you. You have been in here a while," he replied in a sheepish tone. He should be embarrassed. I was in no mood to be messed with, even if he was just trying to be nice. I grumbled as I finished my hair and then asked him to step out so I could get out.

I walked past him in a towel towards my room to put some clothes on earning a cat call from Em like I do every morning except this time Edward told him to shut it.

While I was in the shower Esme, the wonder woman had arranged my father's funeral and what was questionable she left to Billy Black to make the decision. I could not have been happier since I would have bigger issues to deal with than what flowers to pick. My mom was on her way here according to Carlisle.

I guess she had called while I was still a sleep and informed them she was on her way to collect me. Collect me? What was I? Was I just some item that she needed to get? I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I slipped on my panties and bra. I stood in front of my closet unsure of what to wear since what do you wear to see an attorney who may or may not be able to help you?

My bedroom door opened and in walked Edward followed by Emmett. Edward stopped in mid stride once he realized that I wasn't really dressed.

"Did you just pick her lock? Seriously man, you have some control and some space issues," I heard Em say as he stepped in the room and bumped into Edward. That statement was the statement of a lifetime since it summed Edward up completely.

They stood there for a full minute before walking out once more without another word. I decided on my jeans and a dark blue v-neck t-shirt. It would have to be good enough; I was in mourning after all.

We drove to Seattle while listening to music to fill the silence in the car. I sat in the back by Edward, who held my hand. I would look over to see him watching me every once in awhile. It made me nervous.

Once there the attorney assured me that Charlie had life insurance. As a matter of fact he had a lot of life insurance, plus money in a trust from his mother. When Charlie said I would be ok, he meant it. Financially, I would be wonderful, without a dad, but wonderful. I would have rather had a dad.

I spoke with the attorney about my concerns over my mom. I explained that I was not leaving to go to Arizona to be with her. Edward squeezed my hand when the attorney said that there may not be much that can be done concerning that. I remember how my heart sank until Esme suggested being an emancipated minor, after all I was about 4 months away from my 18th birthday.

The attorney agreed it was worth a shot and quickly began the paper work. I offered to pay more if he could get them filed that day and he assured me it would be done. I remember leaving his office feeling better, lighter that I had a defense against my mom.

When we arrived back at the Cullen's house I was told my mom would be there that night. Edward offered to take me somewhere to avoid her, but there would be no avoiding her so, I decided to stay.

I remember feeling sick to my stomach as I watched the time pass. I was in Edward's room lounging on his bed reading while he played on the computer when the door bell rang. I looked over at him in a panicked look.

"Don't worry, it'll be ok" he said to me as I sat there while he shut down his computer. Once he was done he walked over to stand in front of me.

"No it won't," I replied as I grimaced at him. He knew I was right, no matter what he said. It would not be alright since no matter the outcome it was going to hurt since I would either be leaving all the people I love or I would be saying a permanent good bye to my mom at the same time as I say good bye to my dad.

Edward held out his hand to me to offer to help me up. I took hold of it and gripped it tightly. I wanted to tell him not to leave me, but I didn't. I wanted to tell him that I loved him just in case this was it for us, but I didn't.

I looked in to his eyes and saw fear mixed with an emotion that I could not name. Edward pulled me close to him and whispered once more that it would be fine, but it came across like he was trying to convince himself more than me. I stood up on my tip toes and placed a kiss on his lips that were set in a determined line. This seemed to startle him since I had never kissed him first, ever.

"Come on, let's go," I whispered to him and then walked out of his room dragging him behind me to face whatever was waiting for me down stairs. This wouldn't be the last time that I lead Edward out to face some demon.

**AN: Hello all! Hope all is well! I guess we'll face Renee next time. I am sorry that these chapters are going on, but as some of you have said in reviews Charlie's death is a turning point for Bella as well as for Edward and their relationship. Once again, thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**Luv,**

**Mama Sutra**

**xxoo **


	10. The last time I said good by to my mom

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I lead Edward down the open stair case. He tried to stop me more than once on the way down. I would turn and look at him to see what the issue was, but he would say nothing. It was the look on his face. I could see fear in his eyes. What was he so scared of? It wasn't like he was possibly leaving.

I continued to walk and Edward continued to hold tight to my one hand dragging me down. It really was a great shining example of us with me trying to get away and Edward dragging me to him. At the bottom of the stairs there was no one waiting, but instead there was a person in the living room sitting with Carlisle and Esme. I took a deep breath and walked in, dragging Edward behind me as he tightened his death grip on my hand.

Carlisle looked over at us with a worried look before standing up to introduce our guest. I looked over fully, expecting to find my mother sitting there, but instead found the young police officer who approached me at the hospital. He was wearing his uniform like he had just left work or something.

"Bella do you remember Officer James Laurent?" Carlisle asked as I stepped further into the room while Edward pulled me back. I could see Carlisle giving Edward a disapproving look, but he only scowled in return.

I hadn't remembered his name, but yeah, I knew him from yesterday. I nodded a hello and then James asked if he and I could talk. Sure, why not right? I excused us from the room and showed him to the patio area off the kitchen. I looked at Edward who scowled at me as I walked away. He was acting so odd. He was refusing to let me out of his sight and it was starting to wear on me.

Once outside James launched in why he was here. James had my dad's badge and wanted to make that I would get it. I guess he didn't really trust the other police officers to follow through on that task for some reason. He asked if I would like to go to the station to clean out my dad's desk. I had forgotten that that would need to be done. I quickly set up a time later today to do that since I guess the sooner I did this the better.

"Your boyfriend is really protective of you," James said with a chuckle as he looked over my shoulder at something.

"Boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend," I replied as I shook my head no at him in confusion.

"Really? You should tell that to him," James said with a chuckle as he motioned towards the door. I looked over to find Edward watching us through the glass sliding door. Once he saw that I was watching him he moved a bit, but I saw him all the same.

I didn't have time to think about Edward or his creepy stalker tendencies since once James left I had received a phone call from Billy Black that there was some things at my dad's house that I needed to see.

I left for my dad's house with Esme, Em and Edward. It felt strange pulling up in front. It was my house too, but yet it wasn't. I basically lived with the Cullen's. I will never forget getting out of the car and standing there just looking at the house. It seemed so empty, like it was dead now too.

I took a deep breath and was about to walk forward when I felt Edward take my hand in his once more. I sighed as I felt the electricity that always happened when Edward and I touched start to course through my system. It was calming and wrong all at the same time. It was what I needed to walk forward and face this.

I didn't look over at Edward, but I knew that he was watching me since that was what he always did. I felt his squeeze my hand gently and then we both started to walk again. It was hard to walk towards the house since I was instantly flooded with images of when I was a small child. I remembered getting on the bus on the first day of school. It was my dad waiting out there with me, not mom, I remembered my dad running alongside me as I learned how to ride a bike. I remembered carving pumpkins out there on the porch with my dad. It was weird that in all of these memories, memories of before Mom left, that she wasn't in one.

I approached the door and suddenly it flew open. The sudden movement scared me causing me to jump back into Edward, who tried to step in front of me as if to shield me from whatever or whoever threw open the door. I could hear Em snicker behind us as I squealed a little in fear. It was only Billy at the door.

We all walked in and started to sit down in the living room. I looked over at the recliner that Billy was now sitting in. It was my dad's chair. That's where he sat to watch sports and whatever crime show was on TV. I was pulled down on the couch by Edward so that I was sitting nearly in his lap. I could not focus on what Billy was saying. It was like he was speaking in a foreign language to me. I glanced over at Edward and he just looked at me like had been doing recently. It made my stomach flip flop.

Billy had been hard at work that day. He had piles of picture out that he though should be included in the memorial DVD that the funeral home was going to put together. They needed up to 100 pictures and Billy wanted my approval on them.

I excused myself as I untangled my hand from Edward's death grip to go to the kitchen. I just needed a moment to get my bearing since I felt light headed. In the kitchen I felt the burning need to run. I wanted to run far away and not deal with all of this. I was too young to have to deal with burying my dad.

I could feel the panic rise up in my chest as I thought about what might happen to me. I mean, dad did say that I would be ok, but that did cover everything. Money is always good since it pays bills, however the thought if being forced to leave Forks behind made me sick. The thought of leaving Edward behind kind of made me sick.

I leaned against the counter looking out the back window when I felt him come up from behind. Edward wrapped his arms around me middle and pulled me back to him in a somewhat loose one side hug so that my back was flush with his chest. It was comforting and fucked up all at once just like us.

I leaned back into him and just enjoyed the moment for however brief it would last since I only ever got snippets of Edward.

"We can leave?" he offered in a soft voice against my cheek.

"Where would we go?" I asked him, honestly wanting to know what his plan would be. Maybe if it was a good enough one I would take him up on it.

"Anywhere you want. We could go to Chicago. I have family in Chicago," he whispered to me as he squeezed me tighter. I thought about it for a moment. The idea of leaving with Edward was tempting, but then I thought about what would happen when he would tire of me, like he always does. I would surely find myself stuck in some truck stop in the middle of Nebraska being forced to call Carlisle for help.

I shook my head no and then explained that this needed to be taken care of. Edward dropped his arms and we went back to the others without another word.

We sat around going over pictures of my dad's life. Em laughed about how young dad looked holding a new born version of myself and I reminded him that he was 18 when I was born. I guess that sobered him a bit since he remembered that he would be turning 18 in a month.

Carlisle arrived at my house at about 7 to tell me that my mother had called and would see tomorrow. I felt myself sigh with the reprieve that I had been given even though a small part of me just wanted it to be over.

He also informed me that my attorney was able to file the papers and he had a friend rush them in front of a family judge. He was stated saying that he could not see a problem with my case since my mother had made no contact in 7 years as well as the fact that I was 4 months away from being of legal adult age.

We were getting ready to leave when Billy pulled me aside. He told me of how he found a couple of boxes of journals that were written by my dad. He had placed them in my bedroom and wanted me know that they were there waiting for me.

I wondered what my dad had written since he had always been the story teller in my life. It was from him that I had gotten my need to write so part of me was dying to see what he had written and the other dreaded it. Esme announced it was time to go and we all left, leaving behind my dad's journals for now.

At the Cullen's we ate pizza and drank beer in celebration of my good news from my attorney. It was rare that Carlisle or Esme would allow us to drink, but they had stated that this night could be an exception we took full advantage of it.

The beer mellowed me as well as the others and soon I could not stop laughing at Emmett. He was trying to make me laugh and yes, it was working. I could even see the beer mellowing Edward since his ever present look of pain on his face faded as he laughed along with us.

The night wore on and soon I found myself in a pizza and beer induced coma on the front room couch while using Edward's chest as my pillow while Em crashed in the recliner next to us. I fell asleep sometime in the process of laying there, but was awoken about an hour later by a dream. I couldn't quite remember what the dream was, but it was enough to startle me awake.

I got up leaving behind my sleeping protectors as I sought out some sort of comfort to ease this ill feeling that I was left with after my dream. I walked into the empty kitchen and looked around as if the room would hold the answer for me, but there nothing there. I walked back into the front room and looked over at Emmett. He was sprawled out in the chair and snoring loudly. He had a relaxed look on his handsome face. I wondered how it was that I had never noticed how handsome he was.

I looked over at Edward and smiled as well. His brown red locks were all but standing on end from the amount of times that he rakes his hands through it. At this rate he would bald by the time he was 25. He looked angelic in his sleep. It made my heart ache to look at him.

I stood there watching these sleeping boys when it dawned on me what I needed to do, what was calling me. It was my dad calling me, or at least his journals. I needed to know what he had been thinking. I needed to know what he thought of me.

I walked over to slip on my shoes since I had decided that I would go back to my house to read them now. It was only about 11 at night so I had plenty of time in the night left to make a dent in them. I looked around wondering if I should take Em's Jeep, but then decided against it even thought I was sure he wouldn't care.

I walked out of the house and started what would be a long 25 minute walk back to my house. It was dark and drizzling rain so the walk was far from pleasant and by the time I stepped up on my front porch I swore to myself that my first order of business once I was granted access to the $3.8 million in life insurance I was going to buy myself a car.

I had just unlocked the door to let myself in when a car came screaming up the deserted street. It came to screeching halt in my dad's driveway making me flinch in surprise. I barely had time to register anything I when I found Edward standing in front of me.

His eyes were blazing in anger and his hands were shaking as he brought them up to take hold of my shoulders.

"What the hell are you thinking?" he demanded as he held me at an arms lengths distance from himself. I didn't have time to answer before he launched into his next question.

"Do you have any idea what could have happened to you?" he demanded as he almost shook me with his anger. I had no idea why he was so pissed, but for whatever reason, Edward was about to lose it. I tried to explain to him that I was ok and there was nothing wrong with a late night walk.

"You have no idea of all the bad things that go on after dark in this town!" Edward yelled at me as the anger took hold of him again to the point where my shoulders ached from where his hands were gripping me.

"You're hurting me," I yelled at him trying to get his attention and as soon as the words registered with him his hands dropped away from me.

He had a look of regret and was instantly apologizing to me for losing his temper. He tried to explain that he was just so worried and that there are bad people out there that would love to find a girl alone in a wooded area like this. I told him that Forks was about the lamest town around and there was no one out that I saw when I walked here.

Edward looked around from the darkness of the porch to the wooded area that surrounded the neighborhood with a menacing eye as if he was trying to see whatever phantom might have been chasing me.

"Just trust me Bella there are bad people everywhere and I would never forgive myself if you ever got hurt," he said as he pulled me close to him in an awkward hug before shoving me inside the house. Once inside he promptly locked the door and then let out a sigh.

I walked away from him just as confused as ever as I turned on the lights before making my way up the stairs. I paused outside of dad's room before going into my room. I had always liked my room. It was painted a light purple and I had a dark purple bed spread that was made of velvet. It was soft and always made me want to touch it.

I saw the boxes, three in total that had been placed in my room by Billy. I opened the first box just as Edward walked in to see what I was doing. The box was filled with composition note books that had dates written on the outside cover. They seemed to start as I was born. I looked over at Edward and he knew why I was here now.

"Are these written by your dad?" he asked me as he sat down on my bed by me. I could only nod in response to him. He said he would be back; he was going to make some coffee for us since this might take awhile to read. When he left I pulled out the oldest notebook and began to read.

The journals were written to me in almost a letter like format. It would start with _Dear Bella_ and then go from there over what he was thinking about. They were not consistent in the amount of times that he would write. Sometimes he would write day after day sometime he went months between writing. Edward joined me with 2 cups of coffee and sat down by me.

I would finish one journal and hand it to him since he was reading them too. Maybe I should have cared that he was reading my father's words to me, but really I didn't care. Edward would know anyway since I was always such an open book with him even when I shouldn't have been while he was always closed to me anymore.

I read journal after journal. Sometimes I would laugh and sometimes I would cry at whatever memory or thought that my dad wanted to share with me. When I would laugh I would share what was funny with Edward and when I cried he would hold me close in comfort while kissing away my tears.

It was 3 in the morning when I finished the last one which was current to what had been happen in my life as well as his before his death. I sat there dumbfounded afterwards while Edward just had his arms wrapped around me, holding me there.

All the times that I thought I was an afterthought to my dad I wasn't. I was always first and foremost on his mind. He had loved me from the moment he knew my mom was pregnant with me even if was a senior in high school at the time. He had always wanted me. I was never a mistake to him.

I sat there trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I was loved more than I could even imagine by this man. I thought of reading how broken he was when mom left and how he hoped that I would know that love was always worth the risk of getting hurt. He thought that Esme Cullen was angel for stepping in to help me grow into a woman since that was not something he could really help me with and my mom was not around to do her job.

He thought that I was beautiful and resembled his sister that had died in a traffic accident when she was 20. I had never met her. He thought that I was smart, too smart to be stuck in a small town. He thought that I someday I would be famous with my writing since he felt it was just that good. He wanted the world for me. He knew about the torment I went though at school even though I tried to keep it quiet. He offered me sage advice and reminded me the world was bigger than the city limits of Forks Washington. He prayed that he had given me everything that I needed and that included the Cullen's as parents in my life as well as himself. He loved me more than life itself and I was cherished by him.

I sat there crying after reading the notebooks. My dad had loved me and even though he wasn't the best about showing it there was no doubting that he loved me. It made my heart fill with happiness as well as the most crushing sadness that I had ever felt since now my dad was gone and I was alone.

Edward held me as I cried. He would stroke my hair or try to kiss away some of my tears, but would not say anything. I think he knew that I was on word over load and anything more would have sent me over the edge.

Once my tears dried up I laid wrapped in his arms with my head on his chest listening to his heart beat. I knew he wasn't a sleep either.

"Don't leave me," he whispered into my hair as he held me closer to him. I didn't answer him. I just squeezed him closer to me using the hold I had on him from around his waist. I had no words of comfort to say to him since really nothing had been determined. The court would decide my outcome, not me.

I closed my eyes and nuzzled closer into his warm chest as I slowly sound sleep with Edward clinging tightly to me.

When I woke up a few hours later I was still I Edward's arms. He hadn't left me at night like he normally did since my dad died. I loved waking up next to him, but I knew not to get my hopes up since I knew that Edward would go back to being his normal dickhead self once the novelty wore off.

We left to go back to his house once we woke up. When we got there I was quickly informed that my mom was on her way over. I ran up the stairs to get dressed since she didn't need to see me all rumpled and tear stained.

The shower I took was quick, but it provided me with some clarity as I washed my hair. I decided that it did not matter what the fuck the courts side I wasn't going with her. I stepped out of the shower and was surprised to see Edward at the sink shaving in his boxers, looking amazing as usual. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I was. I grabbed a towel and left him there without a word as I walked to my room to get dressed. I wasn't so comfortable with him being in there while I was naked, but if wanted to act like it was no big then I could too.

I had just managed to get my clothes on when I heard a car pull up. I went to my window and looked out, hoping like hell it wasn't her, but it was. I felt Edward next to me. He must have heard the car as well. I watched as my mom got out the passenger's side door. Her blonde hair was pulled up into a pony tail and she was wearing a large blouse with jeans. I looked closer and realized that she was pregnant. I felt myself gasp as I watched her pause to open the door to the back seat and out tumbled a little blonde boy followed by another little blonde boy.

I had siblings. My mom had other children and didn't tell me. I had brothers, half brothers that I had never met before. I watched in horror as Phil who was dressed in jeans and a button up shirt walked around the car, took hold of one of the little boys and then laughed about something that was said before kissing my mom. They were a family and I was not invited to be a part of that family.

I turned to look at Edward who met my own gaze with one of his own. I felt him wrap his arms around me and pull me close. I felt his lips pressed against my forehead in a soft kiss. I heard his pleading whisper, begging me almost, not to leave him, but I couldn't respond. I had lost my words. I heard them enter the house and I could hear Esme being the perfect hostess even though it sounded forced even to me. I then heard Carlisle call for me. It was time.

I looked up at Edward, whose eyes were pleading with me and I just nodded. I hoped that he understood that I meant I wasn't going anywhere. Em appeared in my door way with a sick look on his face, waiting for us. I motioned him ahead saying that I would be right behind him as I started to walk towards my door with Edward still holding me awkwardly as I walked. I paused at my dresser and picked up my dad's badge. I would need him with me to face her and so I prayed that he would be with me spiritually in this show down as I held his badge in my hand.

I started out the door of my room when Edward stopped me. He pulled me against him quickly and then grasped my cheeks in his hands. He quickly pressed his lips to mine before I had a chance to protest. It was a hard, demanding kiss that had an edge of desperation to it before he pulled away abruptly.

We stood there staring at each other for a moment as I tried to figure out where the hell his mind was in all of this, but then he caught me off guard by leaning in and kissing me again. I heard Carlisle call for me again as Em explained that I would be right down.

Edward took hold of my hand in his and we left my room. We walked slowly down the stairs side by side. It was like a death march. I could hear Phil talking to Esme about the children as we walked in the room.

The room went silent as we walked in. I gripped dad's badge tightly in one hand while Edward clung to mine. I felt like I was going to throw up as I stood there. I looked at my mom. She looked older. I had always remembered her as being pretty with blue eyes and a button nose, but she just looked worn out sitting there on the couch.

"How are you Isabella?"She asked me as she gave me a fake smile that made me cringe. I fucking hate fake people.

"This is my family," she said with a wave of her hand towards Phil who was holding on to 2 blonde boys that I saw from the window. She said their names, but I wasn't listening since I was stuck on the fact that she had introduced them as _her_ family, not these are your brothers or anything that might make it sound like I would be included. I was pissed.

I listen to her talk about going back to Arizona and with the money that Charlie must have left her that they would build a house and of course I would have a room there. The more she spoke the madder I got. The bitch was thinking that she could walk in her, take the money and leave. I could feel Edward's hand tighten around mine as I squeezed the life out of his hand.

"This is my family," I said abruptly as interrupted her plans of what she was going to with money that she would never see. She stopped and stared at me as I introduced each Cullen by name. Em moved so that he was closer to me as I stood there with Edward. I knew that they both were on the verge of yanking me out of the room.

Mom looked pissed as she sat there staring at me after my outburst, but I couldn't let her just walk in here and just make her demands. I looked over at Phil who suddenly looked very nervous. Since there was a lull in the conversation I explained to her that I would not be leaving and that if she had any questions she could contact my attorney. It was with that statement that my mom blew up.

"Isabella you will not tell me what you are going to do, you are a child and you will answer to me. I am your mother!" she said in a harsh tone. I could tell that she was about to start yelling.

"I am considered legally a minor for 4 more months and as far as you being my mother you gave up that title the moment you left town and started a new life," I yelled at her as she glared at me.

"7 years mom and no phone call, no letter, no nothing. You marry Phil and I don't get invited! You have another family and you don't tell me! You have lost your right to be called my mother!" I yelled as I squeezed dad's badge in, my hand until it hurt.

"You never paid dad child support," I said as I tried to calm down. I could feel Edward holding my hand softly, it was calming to me.

"I had a family support," she replied as she looked at me and then around the room trying to get us to understand her lack of care.

"I was your family first," I replied to her softly.

"You don't understand," she replied to me with a shake of her head as if I was a dumb child.

"I understand just fine. You had moved on and I was no longer a part of your life," I said with a shrug as I took a deep breath.

"That's ok though. Dad was looking out for me and then there was Esme. She has been a great mom and took care of things that dad could not handle," I said as I willed myself to relax a little.

"Do you remember when I first got my period and I swore that I was bleeding to death?" I asked Esme with a laugh that made her laugh as well.

"Yes, I do. I think your dad was about ready to pass out when he showed up with you," Esme said with a slight laugh as mom looked on confused.

"Yes, and you talked with me and then we made it a special day," I said with a laugh as I remembered it. Esme actually made it a wonderful day after explaining to me how I was blessed to be a woman.

"You weren't there for any of it mom. You weren't there when my heart was first broken and Esme and I ate double fudge brownie ice cream and Charlie bought me a shot gun so I could kill the bastard," I said with a laugh while Em snickered as well. He knew I was talking about Edward.

"You weren't there. You were off with your family and I was with mine," I said softly as I looked over at Esme with a smile that she answered with one of own. Yes, Esme Cullen was a mother to me.

After that I explained to my mom that all money left behind my dad was left to me. I explained that I had petitioned the court system to be an emancipated minor since I did not want to go with her and her family. I explained that while I wished her well I wanted nothing to do with her just as she had wanted nothing to do with me.

The conversation was heated and not pleasant. I think she fully thought that dad would have left her everything since at one point he loved her so, but after speaking with my attorney she resigned to the fact that it was not the case.

My mom left without any fan fare. She left with barely a good bye to me even though knowing that we probably would not see each other again. She said that she would stay around until Dad's funeral, but I was not about to hold my breath for that.

I kept thinking that I should be more upset with her, but I wasn't. I felt relief as I watched them pile back into the rental car and drive away. I stood on the porch long after they were gone as it sunk in that I was really alone. It was at that moment that I felt Edward take hold of my hand again. I wanted to believe that he would be there for me, but somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that this too would pass.

**AN:**

**Hello! Sorry I didn't update over the weekend, but it is near impossible to do that with my hubby home demanding attention! Thank you all for reading and reviewing!**

**Mama Sutra**

**xxoo **


	11. The last time I said good by to my dad

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

The day I buried my father was a typical rainy day in Forks. We had spent the previous night at the Prince of Peace Lutheran Church for dad's visitation. It really was a who's who of Forks town folk. I found it to be unpleasant and uncomfortable at best.

Em and Char were on one side of me while Edward, ever present Edward, was there holding my hand like I bolt from the room if he let go. The funny thing is that if he let go I probably would have ran out.

I remember looking at my dad in as he lay in the dark blue steel casket. He was dressed in his dress uniform and looked shockingly handsome for a dead guy. It felt so weird to be there, so I tried to stay in the back even though Esme made sure that I was upfront as much as possible.

The bitches I hate from school came through the line and I waited for Edward to jerk his hand away from mine, but even with Tanya standing in front of us he held my hand firmly in his. I squirmed under her critical gaze while she tried to tell me how sorry she was.

The next person in line behind her was Mike Newton. I instantly felt Edward stiffen beside me as Mike smirked at me in an inappropriate manner for being at a visitation.

"I saw you the other night," Mike said with a smirk that confused me.

"I saw you walking to your house from Cullen's," he clarified for me as I gave him a dumb look. Edward shifted next to me so that he was almost in front of me, blocking me from Mike. Is that what he freaked out about that night? Before I had time to really think it through as to what this meant the line moved and Mike was gone.

After the visitation I went back to the Cullen's. I didn't even bother to stay in my room after changing I just opened my door and found Edward there waiting for me in his shorts and t-shirt that he slept in. He led me to his room and I was asleep before Em ever walked into the room.

My dad's funeral was held in the high school gym since they were expecting a very large turn out that might include the governor as well as our state representatives and not to forget every single person in Forks which would put it at around 3000 people. I just saw it as another reason as to why I would always hate gym class since going forward I would always picture this moment when I came here.

We arrived at the school shortly before the funeral was to start since I was asked to follow the casket inside being that I was dad's only family member. I held Edward's hand all the way up to the point where they would have to leave me in the back alone. I could see it in his eyes that he did not want to leave me, but he had no choice.

I stood in the back alone now that everyone was seated. It was a very large that turned out and I was suddenly very nervous. I tried to deep breath, but it wasn't helping. Just as I was about to go into a panic attack I felt a hand touch my back. I spun around to find Edward and Emmett standing there, both of them looking handsome as hell in their black suites.

"Go back to your seats, I have to do this one on my own," I told them both as I waved them on even though I wanted them to stay. Em gave me a questioning look and then said that he would be waiting for me. Edward, being Edward he just stood and looked at me.

"Please Edward," I whispered to him as he gave me a frown to show his displeasure. He turned as if he was going to leave and then stopped.

"I'll wait for you upfront," he said and then leaned in closer to kiss my cheek. It was a soft kiss.

After he left I took a deep breath and then waited for my signal for me to go. Once the funeral director gave me the ok, I walked up the make shift aisle in the gym. There was some sort of music playing, but I had no idea what idea the music was. I tried not to look at the crowd of people in the gym instead I focused on my dad's casket as it lay there up front until I made it to my seat. It was in a long empty row.

Once I was seated I heard a motion behind me. The Cullen's were right behind me since I had insisted that they sit there. I felt the movement of air and then suddenly I found Edward at my side sitting there. He took hold of my hand once more.

I looked at the odd boy who sat by me. He gave me a sheepish look and then smiled as Em moved so that he now standing at the end of the aisle demanding that I move down a seat so he could be on my other side. When Edward smiled he looked like an angel. I moved down so that Em could sit and then found my other hand in his.

The funeral was long and drawn out. My dad would not have liked it at all, but it is what the city wanted so that is what happened. I said a silent apology to my dad as I sat there. After about an hour and half of people talking the service was over and we moved on to the grave side service.

I rode with Edward and Emmett in Em's Jeep to the grave yard. We watched as the police force carried my dad's casket to his final resting spot. It was a beautiful location, full of trees and all the natural beauty that the Pacific Northwest could offer. I was sure my dad would have been pleased with it.

The minister took over the service and this part of the process actually went fast. People left leaving me behind with my dad's casket before they buried him so that way they could go to the luncheon that was being held back at the high school in his honor.

I lingered in the commentary. I wanted one more moment with dad. I placed my hand upon his casket and silently told him I loved him. I thanked him for everything and then asked him to always watch over me before walking away leaving him there.

I think that was the hardest part, leaving him there alone until the crew came back to bury him. I climbed into the back of Em's Jeep so I could sit by Edward while Em drove with Char at his side. We were silent as we drove. I felt Edward's hand creep back into mine and I sighed as I felt the electricity that was us start to hum inside me once more.

The luncheon was boring and I finally had enough. I asked Em to take me home, to which Edward agreed to go with me. Em dropped me off at the Cullen's house with Edward and we both in. I didn't want to be there either if truth be known so when Edward said we should go I was all for it.

We didn't even change out of our dress clothes before we left. It was nice just to go. Edward drove along the back roads until we came upon a dead end. The raining at stopped and we had gotten out of the car. The sun was actually shining and it made Edward's hair shine red with its highlights.

We sat in his car holding hands, listening to music. I wanted to ask him if he would go back to being an asshole now that my dad was buried. I wanted to ask him about where would we go from here, but I couldn't find my words.

I think he was struggling as well with what he wanted to say. He opened his car door and suggested we go for a walk. I followed him in heels that sunk in the mud because I was dumb and would follow him every where he asked. I wasn't paying attention until we reached our destination. It was a meadow. It was the meadow, our meadow.

I turned to look at him and was greeted with such a conflicted look. His eyes were dark and there was pain in them as well as something that looked a little like lust. I opened my mouth to ask him what was going on, but was cut off by Edward.

He had moved so that he could hold me and in one swift movement our lips were touching in a kiss. This kiss was tentative as if he was scared. I responded to him slowly, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him closer to me.

Once he felt me pull him he quickly started grow in confidence. His hands sunk into my hair holding my face to his, I opened my mouth under his to deepen our kiss since I wanted to feel the burn of our connection. This only made hum in delight as he slide his tongue against mine causing me to moan.

I knew that I was wrong to allow this, but I couldn't stop. I wanted to feel him. I wanted to feel something after feeling the emptiness of these last couple of days. I needed this and even though I would probably leave to regret my actions I wanted to spend my time kissing him, touching him, doing whatever with him.

Edward broke away from our kiss to give me a dazzling smile that was full of temptation and sin as he pulled me over to where there was a fallen tree, but then it started to rain hard.

We both laugh as we tried to make it back to the car, but my heels where slowing me up due to the mud. Edward stopped and picked me up to carry me the rest of the way back. Once in the car he started it and put the heat on full blast since I was shivering.

We sat there for a moment before he pulled me over to him. Our lips met and we continued kissing from there. He was a better kisser than the last time we had kissed for an extended amount of time. I tried not to think about that since it would have been Tanya that would have taught him. The thought of Tanya instantly sobered me.

"What about Tanya?" I asked him breathless as he grinned at me after I pulled away from his kiss. Once I said Tanya face fell a little.

"I haven't dated her in a while," Edward replied as I felt his hand spread over my back pushing me closer to him. I could feel him hard and ready against my thigh as I straddled his lap.

"Are you seeing anyone?" he asked me in a nervous tone as I felt him move his hands to my hips, holding me against him as I sat on his lap.

I shook my head no and then closed the space between us with a kiss before sinking my fingers in his crazy hair that I had always loved so much. He murmured a happy hum as I pressed closer to him. The pounding rain was the only sound in the car outside of our sighs and moans as we kissed and grinded against each other.

It felt perfect and wrong to be with him like that. It made my blood sing and I wondered if I was using him just to feel again. I knew that once he retreated to his world of asshole friends and I was forced back into being a no one to him that I suffer from these actions, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to feel his lips on me, his body pressed into me. I needed it and him like I needed the air I breathe. It was too late for me and I didn't even know it.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Here is a second update today for you all since you were so patient with me over the weekend! I am already working on the next installment so maybe later today? Thank you for reading!**

**Take care,**

**Mama Sutra**

**Xxoo**


	12. The first promise that Edward ever made

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

I finished up my junior year without any real fanfare. Everyone in school as well as around town would give me moony eyed looks of sadness. These looks of pity irritated me.

At the end of junior year we had the options of going to prom. Edward asked me if I was going to prom, but did not ask me to go with him. We had been a little off since the night of my dad's funeral. I had used him to get off while making out. It was beautifully wrong and I would dream about it, but I tried not to feel bad about it since he had used me once before. Since that night we were back to being awkward and unsure with each other. I could tell it was somehow bothering Edward, but to me it was just like old times.

I had already made plans of going to Seattle with Emmett and Char to see a band play instead of prom. We had decided long before Edward's reappearance in our lives that prom would be lame so we should get a hotel room and drink instead. I told Edward of my plans and suddenly he was going with us which were odd since he was set to win a spot on the junior prom court.

Edward's decision to join us did make Emmett happy though since it meant that he could have a separate room with Char when typically we all shared together. The idea of getting lucky wasn't the only reason why Em was happy with it. I think he was just genuinely happy that Edward was trying once more. I didn't trust Edward; I had been burned once and did not want to relive that pain. If only I had stuck to that game plan.

I remember the weekend of what would have been my junior prom. We had Esme reserve our hotel room. She had chosen a nice Marriott with joining rooms that was somewhat close to the districts in Seattle that we were headed to as well had a shuttle to take us to the dive that the band that we were going to see was playing at since no one wanted to drive there.

I remember the drive to Seattle. We were all excited and acting stupid. I remember Char teasing Edward since in the almost 4 years that she had lived in Forks this is the most that she had ever seen him smile or laugh. It was true. Edward did smile more and laugh more while I hated myself for noticing.

I sat in the back by Edward since he had opted not to drive which was odd since he always liked being in control. In the back seat Edward had his arm around me as if we were together and would whisper in my ear about Em's behavior with Char. I wasn't sure quite how to take him. I wanted to believe that things were different, but there was this lingering doubt in my mind. At the time I called it paranoia, but looking back on the situation it was most likely self preservation.

We had made it to Seattle in one piece and managed to check into our hotel room. Edward and I broke off from Em and Char as we opened the door to our room. It was a lovely room with one large queen sized bed in the middle of it glaring at me. I instantly felt awkward even though I shouldn't have. I had been sleeping beside Edward since my dad's death; however there was typically the buffer of Em in there with us. Tonight it would just be us.

Edward was watching me like he always did. I could feel his eyes on me as I stared at anything but the bed. I wondered if he felt uncomfortable. I wondered if he was regretting not going to prom with his dickhead friends. I wondered if he would kiss me tonight. The door that joined our room to Em's swung open and suddenly the awkwardness vanished as Char walked in, saving me from dealing with Edward.

The night wore on and soon we were on our way to our destination which was a seedy bar where a band that we all were dying to see was going to play. We all had fake ids courtesy of my connections within the Forks Police Department. I probably should not have taken James up on his offer to get them for us, but I think that he was just trying to help out somehow.

Once we go there I felt Edward's hand slip into mine. We had been holding hands all day, but somehow in the darkness of the bar it seemed more like he was claiming me as his and not so much as a sweet display affection type of thing. I could feel his eyes roaming over me, taking in my change of clothes and change of makeup.

Char and I had both changed into something a little more adult like or slutty looking as she liked to call it, but I didn't think it looked slutty. It was blue jean minis with multi colored tights along with a long sleeve tight t-shirt over a looser t-shirt. We actually blended in with some of the other older women there so I thought it was a good pick. We had also darkened our make up for evening.

I looked over at Edward and could see that he had mixed emotions concerning what I was wearing. I could see that he liked it, but at the same time it irritated him. The boy was so odd.

"You look beautiful, but you don't need all the make-up," he whispered in my ear making me shiver as he pulled me close against his chest.

I instantly thought about his birthday gift from a few years ago that I burned in anger. I opened my mouth to say something snide about make-up, reminding him of the time that he thought I needed to change, but I stopped once I saw his face. He had a twisted look on his face that morphed into embarrassment. Something told me that he remembered his gift as well.

"I have always thought that you were beautiful," he whispered in my ear. I knew that he was trying to make up for the past. My heart started to pound at his declaration. I should have told him to fuck off at that point, but I didn't.

The rest of the night went that way. It consisted of Edward whispering complements to me and me blushing like an idiot for him. Once the band came on Char and I got up and danced liked we always did. It was fun and liberating from all the crap that I have had to deal with recently.

The music slowed and I found a strong pair of arms wrap around me to pull me close. I spun around and found Edward there, holding me. His eyes were dark and kind of wild looking as I am sure mine were as well due to the alcohol that we had been drinking.

"Dance with me," he whispered directly in my ear making me shiver in the most delightful of ways. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him close as he chuckled at my eagerness. When I drank I became a bit of a horny drunk.

It was intoxicating to be wrapped up in his arms swaying to the slow song. I pressed my face into his neck breathing him in as I felt him slide his hand up under my t-shirts so that his hands were touching the skin of my lower back. I think he liked the buzz of electricity more than I did from our skin touching.

"Do you wish you were at prom?" I asked him without thinking. That was another side effect of alcohol with me, I had no barriers, and I would ask whatever it was that I needed to know as well as share more information than what was needed. It was embarrassing.

"No. I would only want to be there if you were there," he replied back simply as he looked down at me with a soft smile that made me smile.

"So, that's why you're here?" I asked him as I started to run my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.

"I would be anywhere that you are," Edward replied with a sigh in true cryptic Edward fashion.

The night wrapped up and we eventually made it back to our hotel room. Edward carried me in since by then I was pretty drunk, but then again so was he. We flopped down on the bed with a laugh as he rolled over so that he was crushing me with his body. It was close and intimate and made me want to throw up a little.

I looked up into his bright green eyes and they were wild looking from the rum and cokes that he had been drinking, but I also saw something glowing in them that I hadn't seen in years. It made my breathing hitch and made me freeze as I laid there beneath him.

"I think I like you Bella," he whispered as he leaned down and brushed his lips against mine while never taking his eyes off of mine.

I wanted to cry at his statement. It was good. It was horrible. I had no fucking clue over how to respond to that since I had loved him forever and had given up on him, but yet here he was.

"You don't know me any more Edward," I replied to him in a soft voice. I wanted to tell him that I was not the same stupid girl that I once was. I wanted him to know that I would not tolerate his bad behavior. I wanted to tell him that I had loved him for almost 4 years now and if he broke my heart again I think I would actually die this time, but I couldn't seem to say the words. I still live that regret today.

"I want to know you again," he replied and then kissed me softly. I should have told him that was out of the question and to go to hell, but I could never resist him so I didn't.

Our kiss deepened and morphed into a passionate one where our hands wondered across each other's bodies over the tops of our clothes since Edward was trying to be a gentleman.

"Please let me know you again," he would whisper against my skin as his kissed and sucked on my neck causing me moan.

"Let me show how we belong together," he whispered against my lips as he moved back up to claim my mouth once more in a kiss. I looked into his green eyes and could see how earnest he was being as he pleaded with me.

I could not tell him no so instead I moaned yes like the sell out whore I was. I was rewarded with a passionate kiss that took my breath away.

"You won't regret this, I promise," Edward whispered to me with his eyes shining bright and his lips swollen from our kissing before he kissed my mouth softly as if to seal the deal. That was the first promise he ever broke with me.

**AN:**

**Hello! Thank you all for reading and reviewing! Sorry that this chapter is shorter, but I needed it to a transition chapter for Edward and Bella. Thanks you all for your kind words and for taking your time to read and share!**

**Take care!**

**Mama Sutra**

**xxoo**


	13. The first time I made a decision

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The summer between junior and senior year of high school started out as an odd one all due to Edward. Ever since that night in Seattle things were different. We didn't have sex that night. I probably could have if I had really wanted to since I doubt if Edward would have said no, but thankfully the alcohol that I had drank that night did not completely erase all of my common sense even if it did alter it a bit.

That night in question we did nothing more than to kiss and make out. Once we settled down a bit Edward just held me like he did at night anyway. He would whisper his thanks for giving him a chance. It was sweet in a way and it left us in an odd position in the morning since we would have to start somewhere.

I really thought that Edward would just back away from me slowly, creating a distance that would allow him to be able to leave me as he usual did, however that wasn't really the case. The next morning Edward woke up before me and went to get me coffee and pain killers. It was a simple act, but one that I was not expecting.

Once our classes were done for the year Edward was with me for every waking minute. At first it was hard since there were times that we were still uncomfortable with each other, but once we started talking or reading or whatever the awkwardness seemed to pass.

Our first date was a double date with Em and Char. Edward had awkwardly asked me out after dinner one night. He looked nervous and like he might throw up. I paused for a moment before I answered him since I still wasn't sure about this. I was full expecting Edward to go back to being Edward, but so far he was trying to change. When I paused before answering I watched his face morph into a look of panic. It was entertaining to see him so bothered even if it did last for only a moment. Of course, I said yes to him that I would go out. I couldn't seem to ever say no to him and that would lead to my demise.

That very first actual date was sweet. He held open doors and held my hand. He was charming and very respectful. It was so weird. It was like I was with Edward's good twin, you know, the one who had a heart and cared verses the evil twin that I had been dealing with for 3 years now that was a huge asshole. Or maybe Edward had a split personality or something. Either way the change was setting me on edge.

That night when we got back to his house we watched Em go inside and then Edward walked me to the door. He paused for a moment, telling me what a great time he had and then asked if he could see me again, which was ridiculous since I would see him inside in 10 seconds. He leaned in for a good night kiss. It was simple, sweet and very chaste considering that we had made out twice at this point in time; it left me feeling like I needed to cry.

We walked inside together and then headed up to change. I grabbed my clothes and headed to the bathroom to wash my face. Once I got in there I turned on the water and began to cry, letting out the tears that I had been holding inside. They were tears of frustration, irritation and loss. I prayed that the sound of the water would cover up my sobbing as I heard myself crying echoing off the bathroom tiles.

Once I let out all of my pent up emotions I washed my face, scrubbing it clean of any traces of any of the tears I had cried since Em would ask me what was going on if he saw that I had cried. I looked in the mirror somewhat happy over how I looked. The tears were gone and my eyes barely looked red so I opened the door to step out. I found Edward in the hall waiting. He looked at me with an uncertain look on his face. I wondered if he had heard me.

We went into Em's room. He was waiting for us with the TV on. He wanted to talk about Char, but we talked him into watching some TV. Once we all got a settled in I found myself between Em and Edward like I was most nights but this time instead of Edward just draping an arm around my middle he held me tight. He was basically holding me to him; it reminded me of when my mom was coming to get me since there was a tinge of desperation in the way he held me tight.

I was starting to feel uncomfortable. It was like the pressure of his hold as well as the tension that was building in me was starting to suffocate me. I needed to get out and get away from Edward. I excused myself and then untangled my body from Edward's grasp as I slid out of Em's bed. I used the excuse that I was hungry and that I would be back as I walked out of the room, avoiding Edward's critical stare.

I instantly felt better and yet worse the more space I put between Edward and I. I walked down the stairs and head towards the kitchen. The house was silent as I walked in so I was startled to see Esme sitting at the breakfast bar. I smiled at her as she held her arms out to me for a hung. She gave the best hugs.

"How was your date dear?" she asked she hugged me, causing me to stiffen in her arms. I didn't know that she knew about that. I stepped back so I could see her face as I thought about how I would explain that I was dating her son, the same one that I lived with as well as slept by at night, and oh yeah, we aren't having sex.

"Edward ask me if it was alright to date you since you live with us and he did not want me mad," Esme said to me as she smiled a little, instantly stopping my internal worrying over her reaction. I watched her get up and pull a cheesecake out of the fridge. It was white chocolate and raspberry cheesecake, my favorite.

"I told him I wouldn't be happy about it, but I guess I could allow it," Esme said as she pulled out plates and utensils for us. She motioned with her head, asking me if I wanted a piece, which of course I agreed even though I felt nauseous.

"Why were you not happy?" I asked her in a voice that sounded strange even to me.

"Oh, come on, Bella," Esme said as she looked over at me and then rolled her eyes. It was so much like Edward I cringed a little. She brought over our cheesecake and we sat down together to eat.

I knew what she was implying. She had been there when Edward ditched me for Tanya when we were 14. Esme sat with me and ate obscene amounts of Double Fudge Brownie ice cream as I cried to her about what had happened. This happened only after Esme basically hounded me for a week over what was going on.

I had forgotten that she knew. She knew how he behaved. She knew how badly Tanya treated me and how Edward did nothing. She knew how he ignored me in school. She knew it all and yet here she was with me, trying to protect me if she could.

"But you're his mom," I whispered to her, suddenly embarrassed that whatever it was between Edward and me was now becoming a family affair.

"Yes, and I love him, but that doesn't mean that approve of everything that he does. He is a man after all," she said with a smile that looked a little sad to me.

"And you are my daughter. I love you and do not want to see you get hurt again," she said as her smile turned a little brighter for me. Did she think that I was making a mistake?

I heard a noise; it was the sound of footsteps. I looked up to see Carlisle with Edward in tow going into the front room. Edward had a sick look on his face and Carlisle appeared to be trying to calm him. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I could hear Esme snort in amusement as she sat beside me.

"Serves him right,' she mumbled as she licked the cheesecake off her spoon. I looked at her like she was crazy.

"So, tell me what is bothering you," she said as she looked at me.

I didn't know where to start so I took a deep breath and told her everything. I told her about my fears. I told her that I doubted Edward's sincerity. I told her that I was sure that once senior year started that I would be replaced once more. I told her about Edward being so sweet and charming. I told her about making out with him and using him, which made her laugh. I tried not to leave out anything since I wanted her perspective. She was older, wise and had a better idea of the big picture than what I did. I trusted her and looking back at this moment now I can see how hard of a moment this must have been for her.

I watched her take a deep breath as contemplated over what to say. I could see her wavering, but then stopped and looked at me with a compassionate look that made my heart melt.

"Bella, I know that you are scared. I would be too. Edward does not have the best history with you does he?" she asked as took another bite of cheesecake. I wanted to defend Edward suddenly, but I swallowed that need with another bite of cheesecake.

"I know that he is trying. I know this because I have over heard him talking with Carlisle about you," she said with a contemplative look on her face as if she was thinking over the messed up situation while I looked at her in horror.

"He went to Carlisle to get some help on getting you to like him," Esme said with a laugh as she looked at me with a smile.

"Why would he even care," I replied with a frown as I thought about him and Carlisle taking about me.

"Oh, honey, he cares. He cares a lot, he always has. I think that's way he has always acted like an asshole to you," she said laughing as I rolled my eyes at her. Did she really think that I would buy that lame excuse?

"You scare him, Bella. You are not like the other girls here. You are smart, funny, and beautiful and you do not need him for anything since you can take care of yourself. This scares him since he has no idea what he is bringing to this relationship with you," Esme said as she took another bite of cheesecake.

I wondered if this was true. Did he really doubt what he brought to our so called relationship?

"I'm not giving him excuses Bella, but I know that is what is bothering him. He can see how amazing you are, how special you are and he doesn't see himself as being worth it," she said as I laughed out loud. The idea of cocky Edward Cullen having self worth issues was downright laughable to me.

"Believe what you want, but that's it Bella. I know it is. He has always been able to see how special you are and it scares him. Being with Tanya was easy for him since not only did he get his ego stroked a little, she needs him," Esme said as I tried to calm my laughter. At the mention of Tanya I quieted down immediately.

"Do you think that he'll go back to her?" I whispered to her, not sure if I wanted her opinion or not since if she said yes I was certain I would throw up on her clean kitchen floor.

"No, I don't think so. Edward is too wrapped in you to even notice her. You know he dumped her once you started dating Peter right?" Esme gossiped like a teenage girl with a twinkle in her eye.

I had no idea that he broke it off with her. He had told me that he hadn't dated her in a while, but that didn't mean that they were through.

"What do you think I should do? Should I trust him?" I asked her, looking at her for some sort of guidance in this mess.

"I don't know. I know he's trying with you. I know that Carlisle has told him to try to create opportunities to rebuild your trust in him and not to rush anything physical if he really wanted to have whatever it is between the two of you to have the chance to blossom," Esme said with a sigh. Well, that explains the chaste kisses.

"I know that he is crazy about you, everyone can see that when you two are together," She said with a smile that made me turn red.

"I don't know about him being crazy about me, I think he is just crazy," I said with a forced laugh as Esme smiled wider at him.

"Well, yeah, he is crazy. He's a teenage boy honey, and most of them have no clue at all. I don't know what to tell you, honey, it's all your decision over whether or not you give him any more of a chance. I did tell him that if he hurt you again that it wouldn't matter that he was my son I would still gut him like a fish. We girls have to stick together, you know," Esme said and then bumped shoulder with me in a teasing manner.

We got up and put our dishes in the sink and then walked up the stairs together. I gave her a brief hug before going into my room. I needed space from Em and Edward so I crawled in my own bed alone.

I had a lot think about. I mean, I had agreed to give Edward a chance to get to know me, but I was still on guard. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak where Edward would suddenly dump me once more. It wasn't really fair to him, but my justification was that I was protecting myself.

I laid in the dark thinking back to Edward's behavior, both past and present as I thought of what Esme said. Was he really scared of me? Was I really all that special? I couldn't see myself as anything more than just a girl who wrote some lame stories, nothing special at all really.

I thought about what my dad had written in his journals. I thought of his hopes for me and how he told me that he hoped that his life would not taint me on love. He had said that love was worth the risk of getting hurt. I just had to decide if Edward's love was worth the risk of getting hurt.

I was still laying in the dark when my bedroom door opened softly. It was Edward. I did not roll over to look at him, but instead I just laid there in bed thinking. I felt him move the blankets and crawl in bedside me. I felt him wrap his arms around me to pull me close and then bury his nose in my hair like he always did. I heard him sigh as I felt his body relax next to me, into me. I felt the electricity hum between us happily as we lay there like that.

I thought about Edward and me. I knew that if I did not give him a fair chance at my heart, even if he did already own it, that I would spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been. I would wonder what was the point of giving him the book with the happy ending for Cecelia and Preston if I was not willing to take a risk to get my own happily ever after with Edward.

I felt Edward stir beside me. I felt him tighten his grip on my hip and nuzzle closer as if he knew that I was thinking of him. I felt his lips on the side on my neck as he breathed in against me. I felt his heart beating against my back like it was answering the beating of my heart beat for beat.

It was at that moment that I made the life altering decision that changed everything for me going forward from there. I decided that loving Edward was worth the risk. I decided that Edward loving me was worth the risk. Looking back I didn't know at the time how much of myself I was truly risking or how I would regret that decision later.

**AN:**

**Thank you all for reading! I truly appreciate you taking your time to read my story. I heart you all! I have a poll on my author's page asking what you think about Emmett becoming a love interest for Bella when and if the bottom falls out with Edward once more. This idea was placed out thereby a great reader so I thought I would see what everyone thinks. You are welcomed to vote your opinion there since I would love to know what you are thinking about that. I am still planning on my EPOV so expect that as well. Until next time….**

**Take care,**

**Mama Sutra**

**xxoo**


	14. the first time I met his friends

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

The next morning after making that fated decision I awoke wrapped in Edward and my bed sheets. I looked over at him since he was still a sleep. He looked like angel. I smiled at him and then snuggled closer. If I was going to give this risk a try I then I was going to try harder as well.

I pressed my face into the side of neck and breathed in the scent that was just Edward. It was spicy and well, just boy like. I loved it. I pressed my lips to his neck to give him a soft kiss there. He moved a little as I did this. I moved my attention from his neck to his stubble covered jaw line. It was perfect and made you want to lick it, but instead I peppered the scruffy skin there with soft kisses leading their way up to his chin. I placed a soft kiss on the dimple he had there and then finally to his soft lips that were softly parted in sleep.

His eyes shot open when I pressed my lips to his for the second time. It made me giggle over how shocked he looked.

"Bella?" he asked me in a sleepy questioning tone that made me smile at him. I watched as he started to smile at me, he was slowly figuring out that what I wasn't saying out loud. It was dawning on him that I was taking a risk on him.

He rolled me over slowly, tangling the sheets around me more so that we were bound together in them as he covered my body with his. He gave me a glorious smile that shined brighter than the sun before he leaned down and resumed our kissing. It was morning breath be damned as our lips met. I could feel him hard and ready pressing into my stomach. I wondered what it would be like to be intimate with Edward. We kissed for a few minutes before we heard his mother at my door.

"When you two are in there from now on the door must stay open at all times, ok?" she called as she knocked on the door loudly. I guess she knew my decision now as well.

Edward went to move off me, but I was too quick for him since before he moved I had wrapped myself around him so that I held him to me. I shifted a little rubbing against his hard on, earning a gasp of delight as I did this. He started to laugh a little and we resumed our kissing until Em knocked on the door demanding that we stop before he threw up.

The summer was flying by as we passed Edward and Em's birthday. They were 18. It was a small party that consisted of them, me, Char, Carlisle and Esme. We grilled out and drank beer. Edward kissed me in front of his parent for the first time that night. They weren't surprised by it even though I was.

We were sitting on their deck and the sun was setting. I was curled next to Edward who had wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I remember looking over at him and just being so shocked over how happy he looked. It was at that moment that he smiled at me. It was one of his heart stopping smiles that always left me stunned. He took advantage of my momentary lapse in judgment to lean over and kiss me. Esme and Carlisle tried to look the other way, but Em yelled out that we were disgusting which only made me blush while Edward laughed.

Dating Edward this time was very different than whatever it was that we did at 14 years old. For starters, he was very affectionate and did not care if we were in public or not. His hands were always on me, wandering, roaming, and claiming the territory as his in the most delightful way.

Public displays of affections were not embarrassing to him at all; he seemed to enjoy the thrill of it. He would stop in the middle of the grocery store and give me a kiss if the mood struck him. It was annoying and yet endearing at the same time.

As we approached the 4th of July Edward asked me if I would like to go out with him and some of his friends. The thought of spending time with any of these people still made me sick, but I knew that school would start and I would be forced to deal with them or lose Edward, so I said yes.

I learned that Edward's friends would have a party over the 4th so that was where we were going. I had asked him if Mike Newton would be there since I just did not think that I could handle a night around Mike. He assured me that Mike would not be there, but I wasn't so sure. I wanted to ask about Tanya, but I didn't.

I had seen Mike everywhere. It was like he was following me. If I went anywhere by myself I would find him even if that meant that I would see him driving down the road that the Cullen's lived on. He would always smile at me and wave hello, but honestly it just creeped me out. I hadn't mentioned it to Edward since anytime Mike was mentioned he instantly got pissed.

The night we went out with his friends I was especially nervous, but he assured me that all would be fine and I should have believed him since it was. We met up with Angela Weber and Ben Cheney at the local diner. Tyler Madison and Jessica Stanley showed up not long after them. I didn't mind these people. I would say out of that group they were the nicest.

Angela walked up to the table where I was sitting with Edward and quickly sat down. I listened to them greet each other as Ben approached. I looked over at her and she was eyeing me like she was unsure what to say. It was at that time that Edward introduced me as his girlfriend. The title shocked me since we hadn't ready talked about it, but I managed to put a smile on my face and said hello while inside I was reeling from his statement.

"This is you right?" Angela asked me as she produced one of the Seattle Writers Magazines. It was the issue from last year with my first publication, my story of Cecelia and Preston. The pages of the magazine was open to my story with my name listed I.M. Swan beneath it.

This was all we needed in efforts for a conversation starter. Angela was great as was Jessica, but I kind of already knew that from being in class with them. We talked and laughed while Edward ran his hand up and down my sundress covered thigh that as next to him. The feeling of his hand on me made me tingle as I tried to concentrate on the conversation, but my mind would wander on to Edward and the physical side of things between us.

In all reality we didn't really have a physical side of things outside of kissing. Edward was going especially slow in my opinion since I was more than ready to move on to touching him without clothing or other things as well. We didn't even dry hump or anything like that so many nights I was left at my bedroom door frustrated as hell, but I kept telling myself that the wait would be worth it.

That night with Edward's friends I found out more about Edward that I had before. I discovered that he had been watching me since our sophomore year. I learned that every dance that I went to with Em or Peter he would go to and watch me there to see if I was having a good time. It was flattering and yet creeptastic all at once.

We left the diner and headed out to this area in the back of Angela's house where she had a bon fire going. It was nice. I hadn't really ever hung out with anyone outside of Em so to be there was different, but yet pleasant. After a while Angela pulled me and Jess away from the guys so we could talk without them listening. I could feel Edward watching with a smile on his face from across the fire as he talked with Ben and Tyler.

"I have to say that it was about time that Edward grew a pair and asked you out," Angela said with a laugh as she leaned back to look at the night sky. It was truly beautiful out, but I was still caught in what she said, so I questioned her about it.

"Edward has been trying to figure out how to ask you out since the beginning of last year," she said as she looked at me funny as if I had lost my mind. I guess I had since that was all news to me.

Jess quickly filled me on how they would laugh about Edward's crush on me, which made me roll my eyes a little since I knew they were full of shit, but I let her go on.

"It's nice to see him smile and laugh now. I don't think that we have ever seen him look so happy," Angela said with a sigh as she looked over at the group of guys across the way that was lost in their own conversation. Edward would look over at me and smile. I think he was happy that I liked his friends.

"I'm so glad that Mike or Tanya isn't here tonight," I said as I took a drink from the bottle of beer that Angela handed me. My statement was met with silence as Jess looked nervous and Angela squirmed a bit. There was something wrong. I waited to see if they would explain without me asking.

"Uh, we don't get along with them. We haven't in a while now," Jess started to say in a nervous tone that made me go on edge.

"Has Edward told you anything about what went on?" Angela asked me as she sat down by me with a curious look on her pretty face. I looked over at Edward, who was laughing over something one of the guys said. I shook my head no, I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear this or not since Angela was making it sound like it was kind of bad and I did not want to lose whatever feeling I had building for him.

"We used to all go out, even though being around Mike and Tanya was hard," Jess started as she looked off into the fire. I knew that at one time she had dated Mike and when they broke up it made good gossip. I had always wondered what had happened, but really didn't care enough to find out.

"Mike, as you know is a total tool, and he has some of the younger classmen who just think he is a god so he acts worse at times," Jess said like she was giving him some excuse. I watched as Angela huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Mike was no worse that Tanya and those bitches that follow her around," Angela said as she rolled her eyes at me. Yes, I knew exactly what she was talking about.

"Well, anyway it all started at the end of sophomore year. Edward broke up with Tanya they night they showed up and trashed your house and then Tanya went little nuts. Mike thought that this would be a great time to dump Jess and go after Tanya," Angela began out like she was explaining the plot of some soap opera.

"Wait minute, he broke up with her that night?" I asked them as I looked over from Edward to them again. Angela nodded yes and then opened her mouth to continue, but I cut her off.

"I found Mike with Tanya that night," I said quickly and then watched their stunned faces. After a moment Angela launched back into the story.

Angela stated that after that night people went their separate ways and it appeared that all was well. I mean, well Jess was hurt but outside of that it wasn't that bad. They had their own little group that constituted of Edward, her, Ben, Tyler and Jess. They stayed pretty low key and avoid the others as best they could until one night. There as a party just outside of the reservation. They were there and so were the others. I remembered that party. Em and I had gone. We got there and after a while Edward stormed over demanding that Em take me home, that I did not belong there. At the time I was so fucking hurt by that I could barely stand it, but maybe as this story comes to light I can see why he insisted that I leave.

That night according to Angela Mike raped a girl. It was a girl from the reservation. He had spiked her drink with something that he got from Tanya. No one really knew what was going on until Mike appeared from a bed room and yelled next as if people would be lined up to fuck an unconscious girl. It was at that time that Ben and Edward called the cops. It was a bold move since no one really every crossed Mike that like that before. I was told my dad responded and things went from there.

I sat there shocked over the story. I knew that Mike was bad news I just never knew how bad. I must have had a sick look on my face since when I looked up I found Edward watching me concerned over what was going on.

The rest of night I was pretty quiet since I was still lost in my head over their story. Why hadn't Edward told me any of this? I was lost as I sat there.

At the end of the night Edward took me by the hand and we got back into his car. I turned to him before he had a chance to start it.

"When were you going to tell me?" I asked him as we sat in the dark car together. I could feel the heaviness of the situation settle in around us. Edward started the car, but remained quiet. I looked over at him and he had a grim look on his face. He started to drive, but still said nothing.

"Where are we going?" I demanded from him as I jerked my hand out of his to look behind us as he pulled off the main highway into a service entrance of some sort that lead into the forest. I suddenly felt very nervous. I knew that he wouldn't hurt me, but it didn't stop me from being fearful.

Once we were stopped, Edward shut off the engine and sat there, silent in the dark for a moment.

"Angela told you about Mike" he said in a defeated tone that surprised me and yet angered me all the same.

"Why didn't you tell me? Is this why you demanded that I leave the party that night? Do you have any idea how hurt I was by that? I left there thinking that you were being your typical asshole self and didn't want me around," I yelled at him as I felt my anger start to spiral out of control.

"Didn't want you? I always wanted you with me! Why do you think I was always around you?" he yelled at me, losing his temper as well. I knew that all this yelling would lead to nowhere so I took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

"I didn't tell you Bella, because I didn't need another reason for you to hate me," Edward said in a huff as he tried to calm down as well.

"Why would I hate you over this?" I asked him as I turned in my seat to look at him better. Edward sat slump in defeat in the driver's seat of the car. His had his hands in his hair, tugging on the wayward strands a bit. His green eyes would not meet mine. I watched him take a deep breath and then let it out in a shuddering manner that kind of scared me while I waited for his answer.

"Mike was all over you that night if you remember. I knew something was up and I had to get you out of there. I knew, I knew that he was going to do something so I ordered Em to take you home," he said with a sad sigh. He looked over at me with sad eyes that were dark like the angry sea before a storm.

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but I knew that he would try something so I did what I could," he replied as he held my eye contact. I reached out and traced his jaw line which was starting to have a little stubble on it. He closed his eyes under my touch as if he was relishing it.

"That doesn't explain everything," I whispered to him as I moved my hand up to cup his cheek.

"Once you left I stopped watching Mike and the next thing I knew he was in the bedroom with a girl that was unconscious. I found out that he had slipped something into her drink. Tanya gave him the drugs. I'm sure it was meant for you," he said in a soft voice as he leaned into my touch.

"I called you dad and he came over and broke up the party. The girl was taken to the hospital," Edward sighed as he finally opened his eyes to look at me.

"Ok," I replied waiting for him to continue on, but he sat there looking at me confused as I was.

"Don't you see? If I had been watching Mike still the girl wouldn't have gotten hurt," Edward said as he looked at me with a serious look.

"You think this is your fault?" I demanded from him as he shook his head yes.

"You are as delusional as always Edward," I said as I looked at him and then shook my head. He had always been this way. Everything was his fault, but I guess you believed that when you thought that the sun rose around you.

"You can't control Mike and while maybe you knew something was up you didn't know for sure so, you have to let it go. You called the cops and did everything could do so now drop it," I said in a firm voice that seemed to surprise him by the shocked look on his face.

"You aren't mad at me?" he asked me as if he was truly surprised by this development.

"No, I am not. Now is there anything else you need to tell me or confess?" I asked as I looked at him, waiting to see what he would say.

"Uh, yes, I do have a confession," he said with a nervous smile as he looked me funny.

"The night you got busted for skinny dipping with Em, Char, and Peter I was the one who took your clothes and then called Charlie," he said in a nervous rush as he turned his head to avoid my shocked look.

I remembered that night clearly. We had been drinking like we always did since that was about all a person could do in a small town like Forks. It was a hot summer night and in our drunken state we thought it would be nice to cool down with a swim in Mrs. Thompson's pool. We had laughed about her earlier since who in their right minds had a pool in Forks since the sun was only out maybe 3 days out of the year.

We walked over there, stripped down and then jumped in. We had only been in the pool a few minutes when my dad pulled up in his cop car and flashed the spotlight on us. When we got out on his demands our clothes were gone. I was forced to wear to an old Fork City Police t-shirt that was 10 sizes too big back to the Cullen's house while Em was wearing prison garb. It was embarrassing, but it didn't stop there. The next day I was forced into a sex talk with dad, Carlisle and Esme. I wanted to die at the time.

I stared at Edward in shock, trying to decide if I should kill him or not. Edward watched me with an amused look on his face as he waited for my response. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off.

"I am not sorry about it either so, don't ask me to be. You shouldn't have been naked with Peter or Em around," he said with a slight laugh as he watched me, his eyes burning into mine.

"Why is that?" I asked him as I felt my face burn with a blush that stained my cheeks.

"Because your mine," he said softly with such confidence that it scared me as he held my gaze. His eyes were so green and they blazed with an emotion that startled me with its depth. I sat there, stunned, as he leaned forward and captured my lips with his in a kiss.

I was his. He had branded me as his and there would be no escaping it no matter how hard I would try.

**AN:**

**Thank you all for reading! I am off to see Eclipse again now with some of my daughters!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	15. The first time something was off

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

It seemed like ever since I found out about what happened with Mike and the party that Edward just seemed lighter. It was as if he was freed from the baggage. I liked the freed version of Edward. He was fun. His smiles were wider. His laughter was more infectious. His kisses were more passionate and demanding.

The summer reached it midway point to me any way when we celebrated the 4th of July. Forks celebrated like many other small towns do with parades full of little league teams and local beauty queens as well as fireworks at night. It was lame and tragically beautiful in the way that everyone lined the streets to watch this, Edward and I were no exceptions. We stood with his family clapping as the marching band from school walked marched by.

The day wore on and Esme had once more out done herself with an elaborate spread of food that we gored ourselves on. The day was perfect and was quickly morphing into a perfect evening as well. We broke off from his family for the fireworks, taking a path to the meadow that we used to go to kiss in when we were younger. I hadn't been back there in forever and when I did go back it was really just to cry over my loss of Edward so this was a bit of change for me.

I watched with a slight smile as Edward spread out the blanket on the ground that was covered with small purple flowers and then patted the spot next to him for me to sit by him with a smile. God, I loved his smile.

We laid there in our perfect little meadow, kissing in the dark while the fireworks started to boom. We could see them perfectly from where we were and when you watched them as the lightening bugs that would flash we seemed to have the best show in town.

Edward, in true Edward fashion, would hold me to him and whisper in my ear all things sweet in between kissing me senseless. He would tell me how beautiful he thought I was. He would tell me how much he adored me. He would tell that I was his and more importantly, that he was mine. It was hard not a swoon when he acted like this and as much as I would try to remember that I was giving him a chance there was always that nagging voice in the back of my head that would tell me that I needed to be wary of him. If only I had listened.

The summer progressed on; however our physical relationship seemed to be at a bit of stand still. I wanted more. I wanted to feel his skin against mine. I wanted to taste him everywhere, however Edward was holding back. He was worried and I could see it. What exactly he was so worried about I wasn't sure.

One day we had spent together alone outside along one of the many streams that seemed to empty into the ocean here and I found it near impossible to stay away from him. He was in his board shorts that were his swimming trunks. They were low on his hips and showed off his amazing physic. He had a broad chest now and amazing abs that were ridged with muscle that were now on display since he was shirtless. I loved how low the shorts dipped on him since they showed off that sexy v on his hips as well as drawing attention to the line of hair that went from his belly button down below his pants in the most frustratingly teasing manner.

I would watch him from where I laid wearing the dark blue bikini that seemed to make him stutter while trying to catch what little sun was shining. He was glorious to watch as he walked along the stream with his sun glasses on. I loved how muscles rippled as he walked. I wondered what they would feel like moving like that under my hand. It was maddening to be close to him, but yet so far away.

The day passed and soon the dark thunder clouds rolled in and we were caught in a thunder storm with rain that came down in buckets. We both laughed as we scrambled to grab the blanket that we had been laying on as well as the books we were reading at the time. Edward had to park a ways off the trail there so we first found cover under a laugh pine tree. The water dripped down through the tree as I tried to slide on my jean shorts so that I was wearing something more than my bikini.

I felt Edward holding me to steady me as I stepped into shorts. The electricity that passed between us seemed amplified as he touched me. I looked at his face and he had a closed expression on his face. I had no idea as to what he was thinking until he pulled me closer so that he could kiss me.

It was a hard, passionate kiss that pulled the air out of my lungs, causing me to gasp in to his mouth in surprise. He hadn't kissed me like that in a while and I forgotten how good it felt. I pulled him closer so I could feel his bare skin against mine which caused him to moan as we touched, skin to skin our chest with only the small triangles of cloth that covered my breast separating us.

Edward pulled his mouth away from mine and looked at me. I was still dazed from our kiss as I looked up at him while trying to keep the rain out of my eyes. His eyes were so dark and dangerous looking that I gasped. He looked like he wanted to eat me for dinner, not just kiss me.

"We need to make it back to the car," he whispered to me as I he looked at me so oddly. I could not find my voice so I only nodded instead in agreement instead.

He took hold of, my hand and we ran to his car that was somewhat close. Once there Edward quickly got me inside before tossing the blanket in the back seat and then running around to get in on the driver's side. I watched his body move in the down pour of rain. I laughed as he nearly fell on his ass in front of the car.

Once inside the car Edward looked over at me with a dark look. I wasn't sure what he was so torn over, but either way he seemed to be deciding something as we sat there staring at each other like the idiots we were. After a moment of silence, he looked over at me and reached out his hand. I took hold of it and then found myself being pulled into his lap much to my delight. Soon I was straddling him as he kissed my mouth in a forceful manner that surprised me a little. Edward was never forceful.

I tangled my tongue with his as I felt his hand holding my hips as he brought his hips up so that he was rubbing his hard on against me in a demanding manner, as if I could ignore him hard and ready, pressed into me so that the aching between my legs increased tenfold.

His mouth moved from mine so that he was kissing my neck, sucking, nipping, licking, just the way I liked him to. I ran my hands along his bare shoulders, and then down along his back feeling the muscles that I had just imagined feeling except now his skin was slick from the rain.

He worked his mouth further down until he was at the base of my throat. I could feel his tongue flick against my skin there, tasting me and rain mixed together. I could feel his hand creep up my sides until he was ghosting the sides of my breast which were practically exposed by my swim suit. I could feel his mouth, all hot and hungry, kissing and sucking at my exposed breast bone. It was like he was trying to leave a mark.

I sunk my hand into his wet hair and enjoyed how soft it felt even when it was wet. I could hear him whispering against my skin and it sounded like a prayer with my name in it as the aching in my belly and between my legs intensified. I found myself rocking against his hard erection without even thinking about the action. It was like I was on a mission, seeking fulfillment from him and he was pleased to satisfy me this way.

I felt his hand move and slowly expose my breast from behind the dark blue fabric. Before I could even feel the cool air against my skin Edward's mouth covered my breast, kissing, sucking my nipple as I was whipped into a frenzy of lust.

I wanted him. I wanted him right there in the car. I wanted to feel his skin slide against mine. I wanted to feel him inside me. It was a consuming need. It burned me like a wild fire out of control. I could tell that Edward was at the breaking point as well just by house roughly he was tugging on the material that covered my other breast that he was demanding be exposed to him.

I tugged on his hair which caused him to look up at me. It was a fiery look that I will never forget. He seemed like a man posed as he looked up at me, eyes blazing and his mouth firmly attached to my nipple as he lavished it with his velvety tongue. The sight of him with his mouth on me like that caused me to spasm and cum right there as I rubbed against his erection.

I couldn't seem to find my words except for his name as I clung to him tightly, holding on for dear life as the bliss took me over. I could feel Edward release me from his mouth as he moved his hands so that he was holding me stead by my hips on his lap.

"So beautiful," he whispered as he watched me with heavy eyes. I leaned forward and pressed my forehead against his to kiss him, but just as I moved in to kiss him his phone went off causing us both to jump in surprise. It was Esme.

I barely listened to his conversation with his mother as I lay with my head on his shoulder and my bare chest pressed against his. I could feel his free hand skimming over the skin of my back, running a circuit over my spine up to my neck and back. It was calming and made me sigh.

Once he hung up the phone we sat there like that for a moment before he pulled me back to look at me. He gave me a slight smile and then kissed me softly; all the while he was helping me slip my breast back into their proper place in my bikini. Once they were properly covered Edward pulled away from our kiss.

"You're beautiful," he whispered in such a way that made me feel cherished as if I was some sort of treasure to him.

"So are you," I whispered back as I brought my hand up to caress his cheek softly, which made him smile brightly. For some reason he liked it when I told him he was beautiful. He leaned forward and kissed me again before explaining that we were needed at home. I crawled off his lap and back into my own seat while he watched me. I was used to him watching me by now.

The drive home we held hands and talked about our plans as summer was coming to close, but I could tell something was off. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was off. I could feel it in the air around us. It was heavy and smothering us like a blanket. I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but I couldn't it I was almost scared to. I had let myself get to close to him and now I was living with the anxiety that was being with Edward since I knew just based on past behavior that any given moment that my time with him could be up. If only I had known at the time how short _our _time would be.

**AN:**

**Howdy all! I hope you all had a great weekend. I did. Sorry I didn't get a chance to update before, but my hubs wanted all of my attention. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. It always makes my day to see what you think will happen or what your reaction is to this story!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	16. The first time we touched

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Once back at home Edward and walked in hand in hand, however I could not seem to shake my sense of dread. It was heavy in the air. I could almost taste it. I would look over at him and for the first time in a while he wasn't looking at me. This only added to my fear and confusion.

The night wore on and soon it was time for bed. I changed quickly and then retreated to my room. Edward was not supposed to come into my room any more to sleep now that we were dating. Esme said that the temptation would be too much and she was right since I was dying to touch him most of the time, however this night I just wanted to be left alone.

I sat there reading, trying to get my mind off of Edward when my door opened. It was Emmett. One of the many things that I had regretted once Edward took over my life was my losing time with Em. As I watched him come in and then plop on my bed beside me I made a promise that going forward that I would spend more time with him.

Em wanted to talk about Char. He always wanted to talk about Char. This was before he found out that she was gay. Before he knew he would spend time agonizing over what he was doing wrong, it was cruel of her to keep it from him as well me for as long as what she did, but I guess I understood why. She was worried that we wouldn't love her anymore, like that could happen.

I talked with Em about Edward. I told him how off he seemed and Em offered some great insight. Maybe Edward was just nervous. This seemed like bullshit to me, but I let it go since I just wanted the lightness that followed Em around and to shake off the darkness that seemed to be creeping closer to me.

After our talk and Em left for his room I turned off my light. I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep. It took a bit longer that night since I was feeling nervous, but after a while sleep finally came to me.

Normally I did not have nightmares, not even when my dad died did I have a nightmare, but that night with all the oddness I did. It was a very vivid dream. I was in the woods with Edward and he left me there. There was no good bye, just him turning and leaving. No matter how many times I called for him he just kept walking. It was disturbing.

I woke up in a panic. I sat up and quickly looked around to see if Edward was beside me since most nights even though he wasn't supposed to be in there with me he would sneak into bed beside me once I was asleep, however tonight there was no Edward.

I felt myself starting to hyperventilate as I thought of him leaving me once more. I got up and opened my door to cross the hall to his room. I opened the door and walked into the darkness. The room was silent except with the sound of breathing. I shut the door behind me and clicked the lock.

As I walked closer to his bed I could see his sleeping form. He was shirtless and the moonlight that came through the window bleached out his skin to a milky white color. His face was relaxed and had a slight smile on it. He looked like a sleeping angel with his messy brown hair standing up in every direction.

I moved closer and moved his sheets to crawl under the blanket with him like he always did with me. Once I was in his bed I scooted closer to him slowly, hoping like hell that I would not wake him up since that was not my intention. I just wanted to be close to him, I needed to be close to him after a dream like that. Once I was close enough to him where I could wrap my arms around his waist I did and then pulled him closer to me slowly.

It was at that moment that Edward's eyes came open. At first he looked at me and gave me a sleepy smile, but then he looked startled as if someone shocked him.

"b-Bella," he stuttered as he moved away from me a little in a frantic motion. I had no idea what his problem was.

"Bella, stop," he whispered as I moved closer to him again. I looked at him confused as he held up his hand to me as if to stop me. I could feel my heart starting to crumble as he motioned for me to stop getting closer to him.

"What is going on?" I asked him as I sat up and put some space between us, just like he wanted.

"Bella, I need, I need to put my boxers back on," he stammered as he ran a hand through his hair in a nervous fashion.

"What?" I asked him, unsure of what he said as I sat there confused still over his behavior.

"I need to put some clothes on," he whispered as he took hold of my hand in his to stop me from touching him. I looked at him and could see a slight blush on his cheeks as we sat in the moonlight together on his bed.

"Are you naked?" I asked him as I looked at him surprised that he would not have his boxers on.

"Yes, please let me put my boxers on," he whispered in a defeated manner that made me giggle.

"Why?" I asked him as I looked at him. He had his eyes closed as if he was praying. I could see the frustration on his face that I was causing.

"Why?" he repeated back to me with an eye roll as he looked me over, but I said nothing.

"Why put them back on? Is that what you are asking me?" he asked me in dark whisper as he moved closer to me, closing in the small distance between us.

I suddenly felt nervous as I realized that a very naked Edward was moving so that we would be touching. I could feel his body heat as he leaned closer to me while the sheet dipped low on his waist. I nodded my head yes in defiance. He was trying to intimidate me I could feel it, but I was not about to let him this time.

"Because if I don't I will want more," he whispered to me as he moved so that He was bracing himself beside me. I looked into his eyes since I was amazed over how dark his eyes were. They seemed black in the darkness of his room. They also seemed to shine with a light from within. I wanted to touch that light.

"What makes you think that I don't want that too?" I asked him as I looked at his beautiful face. The clouds shifted outside allowing some moonlight to fill the room. It was casting shadows across his face causing it to look unearthly.

"Bella, what….you just…you don't know what you are asking," he whispered as he leaned closer and brushed his lips against mine as he shifted so that he was almost hovering above me like a specter.

I wanted to tell him that I knew exactly what I was asking. I wanted him. I wanted his skin against mine. I wanted to taste him. It was a burning need that consumed me every time we were close like this.

Edward was watching me with heavy eyes. He shifted again and I could feel his bare legs against mine causing the nervous ache in my belly to increase as the hair on his legs tickled me.

I looked into his eyes and was amazed by the fire that was burning there. I wondered if my eyes held the same fie as he looked at me. I wondered if he could see the emotions burning me from the inside out, making me feel like I was on fire for him.

"Please tell me you want this," I could hear him whisper as he pulled me closer and brushed his lips against his softly, with uncertainty that surprised me a little. The words spoken were so soft that I almost didn't hear him.

"I want you," I whispered back to him and then wrapped my arm around his neck to pull him closer to me so that there was very little space between us. I could hear him gasp a little at the close contact. It made me feel bold.

I slid my other hand down his chest slowly and silently cheered to myself as I felt him shudder against me. This feeling, the control was intoxicating. Edward's lips met mine in a soft kiss as she shivered against me making me smile against his lips.

"I want to… I want to kiss you all over, I want to taste your skin, I want to…" Edward whispered against my lips in a hurried fashion like there were thoughts running through his head as he kissed me.

They were deliciously sweet words and wanted him to act on all of these thoughts since I wanted that too. I sighed yes against his lips as he continued to ramble his list of wants with me causing him to chuckle darkly as if he was imagining all the gloriously erotic things that we could do to each other.

The list of wants suddenly stopped and Edward pulled away from me. I missed his warmth and the taste of his lips. I looked at him, unsure of what he was doing, but was met with a very odd look on his face. There was a question that he was wrestling with; I could see it so I waited for a moment allowing him to find his words to ask me whatever it was that he needed to.

"Bella, are you a virgin?" he finally asked me in a nervous voice that surprised me. This was his big question? I guess I understood why he wanted to ask, after all I was in bed with him naked basically going over a list of things that we wanted to do to each other and it would be good to know what experience the other person has had, but I to be honest I didn't want to talk about it.

I didn't want to talk about it because I did not want to image of Tanya to mar anything that I had going on between me and Edward. I did not want to think about whatever it was that he has done with her. I know that it was stupid, but I wasn't sure I could handle it.

After a moment of silence while we stared at each other I explained to him that I was. I told him that I just could never see doing that with Peter. I told him how I just felt that it should be different, better than what I had. It just should mean more. I felt myself blush as I admitted all of this, and thankfully in the dark he could not see it, but he brought his hand up to my cheek so I knew that he could feel the heat of my blush against his skin.

I watched Edward's face as I talked. I expected to see amusement at my inner thoughts concerning sex and its need to be meaningful, but the amusement never came. I saw a look of relief wash over his face as I talked and then I saw nothing but understanding. I could feel his hand caressing my cheek, moving along my jaw in a soft caress as I spoke.

"You are so cute when you blush," he whispered to me with a smile and then leaned in for a kiss, which almost distracted me from my question for him. I had told him and now I needed to know where he stood on the virginity matter.

"What about you?" I asked him in a whisper as I moved my hand so that I was caressing his bare arm that he was leaning on so that he was close to me without being on top on me. The words sounded confident as I asked him; however inside I was waiting on baited breath. I felt like I might puke once the truth was out there since if he had fucked Tanya I don't think that I could ever get over that as dumb as that sounds.

"Uh…yeah. I'm a virgin," he stammered as he looked at me with an embarrassed look before looking away. I wanted to laugh out loud as I heard his answer since I would have never thought that. Edward quickly picked up on my almost laughter as he scowled at me.

"What? Did you think that I wasn't?" he asked me in an irritated tone that was kind of loud. He obviously had forgotten how much trouble we would face if we were caught in bed together with him naked. Esme would not be happy about that.

"Well, you know Tanya…" I started to reply, trying to offer him an explanation as to why I would laugh or doubt him in this matter. Tanya was a huge slut and so the thought that he was with her for at least a year and nothing happened I found to be shocking.

"Yeah, well, I didn't have sex with her," Edward said in a defensive tone.

He went on to tell me how he just thought that 15 was too young considering birth control doesn't always work and the thought of being a father so young scared the hell out of him. He also talked about how they were never alone any way since her friends were always there so there wasn't much of a chance to do anything unless you wanted to give a show to people.

I was silently giddy with delight as he told me of how little he had done with her and then wrapped up his confession by telling me that being with her horrible since he always felt like he was just a display, a prize, not anything more. I didn't have the heart to tell him that as an outsider that was what it looked like as well.

Once he was done we were left sitting there looking at each other in the dark. It was comforting to know that we were basically on the same page sexually speaking at least. I reached out and pulled him to me once more. I sighed as our lips met, relishing the electricity that was us as it coursed between us.

Edward shifted pulling us down so that we were lying down together. I reached over and started to trace patterns on his chest. I loved how hard his chest was and the scattering of hair that grew there. I moved my hands lower so that I was tracing over his abs. This action caused his muscles to twitch below my finger tips.

"So, why are your boxers off?" I asked him teasingly as I moved closer to him so that I was pressed against his side. Edward's lips moved over my cheek back to my lips before answering me with an eye roll and huff.

"Why do you think?" he responded in a sarcastic tone as he turned so that he was sliding his hand up under my shirt so that his hand was pressed against my hip where the edge of my panties were. I felt his fingers tracing the edge in a teasing manner.

Yes, I knew why he was naked. He had obviously gone to his room and had taken the edge off from our date by jerking off. A part of me was irritated that he was able to find some relief when I had not and another part of me was sickly delighted that he needed to find a means of release because our date. It was a fine line to walk.

Edward rolled so that we were facing each other and resumed kissing me. The kisses were soft and sweet, but quickly morphed into heated, passion filled kisses that left me breathless. I could feel him, all of him as I pressed close to him. His hands tugged at my shirt, twisting it and lifting it until it was pushed up under my arms. I pushed away from him for a moment and pulled my shirt off over my heard so that I was bare except for the boy shorts I was wearing.

Our chests pressed together and as we touch I gasped from the feeling of it all and so did Edward. It was an overwhelming feeling, the feel of his hard chest that was a little course pressed into my soft chest. I rubbed my chest against his a little as I sucked his tongue into my mouth earning myself a moan from him. I loved it when he moaned for me.

Edward rolled me over so I was on my back, giving him full access to my body which only made me smile in delight. His hands were everywhere as he kissed me. His mouth slowly worked from my mouth to my neck and then finally my breasts. Edward was obsessed with my breast in the way he kissed, sucked and nipped at my skin there. I twisted beneath him at the pleasure he was giving me, which only seemed to incite him to do more.

I could feel his hand running along the lace edge of my panties until he slipped his fingers underneath. I sucked in a gust of air that tasted like him as he came back up to kiss my lips again. I could feel his fingers moving slowly, teasingly until they were sliding along my lips there, feeling the moisture that was seeping from me.

My legs moved on their own accord, spreading, welcoming his fingers, allowing him better access to my most private area. My hips jerked upward as he ghosted over my clit which caused him to moan into my mouth. I could feel him create a pattern of circling my entrance and then up to tease my clit causing me to pant into his mouth as my body ached for more.

He slowly slid one of his long fingers inside me causing me to gasp in surprise as it filled me, but it wasn't enough. He began to thrust in and out of me matching a rhythm that was set by his tongue in my mouth that was doing the same thing. I sensation of being filled by him was causing my brain not to function. I could feel him slip in another finger, stretching me as I moaned against his tongue in delight which he answered with a moan of his own that caused him to pull away from my mouth.

I could feel his hips thrusting against my side, rubbing his hard cock against my thigh that was pressed into him there. I could feel his precum dripping on my leg, giving him some lubrication as he rubbed himself against me. It was warm and sticky and I wanted to touch it.

I could hear the wet sounds that were being made as he thrust his fingers in and out of me rapidly. I should have been embarrassed by how wet I was, but Edward just was enthralled by it somehow. I looked at Edward since he now was licking along my neck. He was watching his fingers disappear and reappear from inside me like it was the most erotic thing ever and truly it was since just the sight alone of being somewhat connected like this was too much to take in.

I was close to being complete I could feel it with the coiling in my belly and the ache that was increasing as he thrust inside me. I pulled on Edward hair as he sucked on my breast, which caused him to look up. He looked like the devil. His hair was standing up in points as if they were horns and his eyes glowed green with lust and excitement.

He moved so that his face was next to mine and then he smiled a devious smile as he thrust deep with his fingers causing me to arch a little off the bed. He seemed to love having me like this and I was starting to love being at his mercy like this.

"Bella, love," he whispered against my lips and then his hand twisted inside me causing a chain reaction. I was instantly cumming and it was so beautifully violent that I arched off the bed in response. I was lost in the sensation as I found myself chanting his name over and over again like a prayer that I was reciting. Edward quickly covered his mouth with mine in a kiss as I chanted his name.

I could feel the bliss roar through me down to the tips of my toes as I clung to him tightly. I could hear him whispering against my lips, "Bella, my Bella," in a ragged voice that seemed distant to me, as if he was talking to me from far away. I could feel the gush of wetness that came from me as his fingers still moved inside me in a slower manner, helping me come down from my high until finally I was able to be coherent again.

I looked over to find Edward watching me with a somewhat proud smirk on his face. He took hold of my face with his free hand and kissed me hard. It was perfect and I felt perfect.

"You are breathtaking," he whispered as he looked at me with his green eyes still glowing.

"This was better than what I imagined. It was perfect," he whispered against my lips, echoing my thoughts. I smiled against his lips as I thought about him imagining being with me. I could still feel him hard against my side.

I rolled a little and trailed my hand down to his line of hair that would connect to where his cock was. As I rolled over I pushed him on his back, letting him know that it was now his turn to feel good. He protested a little, claiming that as long as I felt good he was fine, but then quickly changed his mind as I grasped his hard cock in my hand with a firm grip.

"Show me how to love you," I whispered in his ear while he moaned softly as I stroked him, using his precum as lube in my hand. He was large in my hand, larger than Peter, not that I was about to comment on that.

Edward slowly took hold of my hand and pulled it away from his cock. I was about to protest when he reached over me to his night and tried to grab a bottle of lotion there. He had to move to grab it, but once he had it in his hands he laid back down by me. He held my eye contact as he put lotion in my hand. His eyes were bright and lust filled as he guided my hand back to his hard awaiting cock.

I wrapped my hand around him, marveling in his size as I slowly started to stroke him up and down. His hand was holding the outside of my hand guiding me in how he liked to be touched. I captured his lips with mine as he started to moan a little louder than what I thought he should as we pumped him. His moans turned into pants in my mouth that I greedily swallowed.

I pulled a little back from his face to look at him. He eyes were trying to hold mine, but every once and a while they would roll in the back of his head over my touch.

"Bella," he whispered as he took his free hand and brought it to my face to bring me back to him to kiss. Our kisses were hot and tongue filled as I picked up speed in stroking him. His hips started to thrust up to met my touch as his words started to stutter against my lips.

I could tell he was close by how his voice changed and how he would thrust his tongue into my mouth as if he was fucking me with his tongue. I could feel his cock become harder and then it seemed to swell larger before he erupted in bliss.

He made a sound that was a cross between a growl and a hiss as he came hard in my hand. His cum spurted out with a force that I was surprised by, landing on his stomach in three separate jerks. I continued to stroke him softly until his hand stilled mine. He hissed as I slid my hand off of his still somewhat erect member.

Once let go of him I felt his arm come up around me and pull me in close to him. His mouth found mine and soon we were kissing. It was a kiss that started out hard and passionate, however was slowly turning into a soft romantic kiss. It was a kiss of gratitude.

We both laughed a little over the fact that he was coated in cum on his stomach, but it wasn't an awkward laugh. It was a laugh shared between lovers. I offered to get up and get a wash cloth since he was a little disposed at the moment, but he said no need and then grabbed the Kleenexes on his night stand to wipe up with. I guess he was prepared.

Once we were settled and reluctantly slipped back on our clothes just in case anyone came to his room Edward held me close. His nose was buried in my hair breathing me in with a smile on his face. I had never felt so close to him as I did at this moment.

"Not that I am not thankful or anything, but why were you up in the middle of the night?" Edward asked me in a sleepy tone that made me yawn.

I explained to him my bad dream and when I did he held me tighter to him and kissed my neck making me sigh.

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere. Not without you anyway," he whispered as he kissed my neck slowly. It made me feel warm, his kisses and his touch.

"I missed you," I whispered as I pressed myself tighter to him.

"No need to miss me, I'm right here," he whispered back as he held me close.

"I'll always be right here," he whispered and then snuggled closer to me to sleep. That would be the second promise that he would break to me.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Thank you for taking your time to read my story. Also thank you to all who have reviewed. You have no idea how happy your words make me! Ok, so there it is a little lemon. Love it or hate, either way, there it is! I am not so good with the lemons so if it is horrible I am soo sorry, but I wanted to move their relationship on a bit. I am already hard at work on the next chapter so hopefully it won't take too long to update. Until then….**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	17. The first time he told me he loved me

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The rest of the summer became a blur of rainy days, kisses, and Edward. We would spend our days and nights together, sometimes with our friends and sometimes alone. I think I preferred the alone nights better since then I had him all to myself.

After our night of exploring each other in his room it was like whatever defensive wall that he still had up was suddenly gone. I was full immersed in his world and it was amazing. He was attentive and caring. It's not like he wasn't that way before that night, but before there was always this distance between us where as now there was none.

This lack of distance was replaced with intimacy. I had never felt closer to him. He was everywhere to me. He was the air that I breathed. He was the beating of my heart. He was my home and I was his.

I wasn't the only one who had noticed this shift in our relationship. Esme noticed as well. She would watch us with a smile as we sat together on the couch watching a movie or reading. She would laugh at us when we would argue over who was cheating who when playing cards. I think us being together made her happy in some sort of twisted manner even though typically Em was make a gagging sound when we were close by.

As the summer passed I also had to deal with my dad's house as well as what would happen to me. I guess according to my attorney that the court was so backed up that by the time my emancipation case would make it before I judge I would be 18. We still left in the court system just encase my mom decided to do anything about it, but basically I was free and clear.

My dad's house was another matter. I would spend nights agonizing over what to do with it. I finally decided after a few sleepless nights curled around Edward in my old house that I would not sale it. It was my link to my dad as odd as that sounds and for some reason I needed it. Edward, Em, Carlisle and Esme were completely supportive over my decision.

While Edward took a lot of my time that summer I found my way back to writing. It started one night after Edward had snuck into my bedroom. We had kissed, touched and caressed until we both were spent from our orgasms. Usually after such a high from Edward I would be too blissed out to move let alone be able to form a conscious thought, however that night it was different.

It was like there was a story bubbling up in me. It was choking me until I finally pulled out my lap top and started to write. As soon as I opened the word document the words poured out of me as if I was pouring out my soul. I wrote hard and fast. I lost track of time everything around me except for the feel of Edward's body pressed into my side since Edward now needed to be touching me to sleep at night. He was my anchor in my chaotic world and I was his.

I was not sure how long I had been typing, pouring out my heart into that word document, when I felt Edward stir beside me. I looked over to find that he was a wake and watching me with a grin on his face.

"I love it when you get lost like that," he whispered as he reached up and brushed his hand against my cheek. I felt myself blush at his words.

"What do you mean?" I asked him trying to play off my blush a little.

"When you get lost in your thoughts, your story, I love that. You are so focused on what you are doing and then you will pause and just touch me as if I was part of your process in it all," he whispered with a sleepy smile as he sat up next to me. He was still shirtless from before and his hair was standing up in points from where my hands had tugged on it during our passionate make out session. He looked completely edible and yet had an innocent look about him.

"You are a part of it all. Without you there is no reality," I said to him with a smile as I felt him move so that he was behind me with his long legs stretched out with mine as I sat where I could lean my back against his hard chest that I loved so much.

I could hear him scoff in laughter as He leaned forward and kissed my shoulder that was bare from the tank top I was wearing.

"What are you writing now?" he asked me with a smile in his voice as he wrapped his arms around my middle.

"I think it's a love story," I replied slowly, unsure of what to say to him since I wasn't sure if I should tell him or not.

The story that was choking me was my story of Cecelia and Preston. It was starting from the beginning, over how they met. He had read the portion of the story that was published where everything came to a head in their love story, but the story I was writing now was different. It was going back in time to show how they met, how they fell in love and then maybe going towards a happy ending.

"A love story huh?" he asked teasing me as he moved my hair so that he could kiss my neck while I balanced my lap top on my lap.

I took a deep breath and told him what exactly I was writing. I could feel his arms tighten around me, but I couldn't see his face since he was sitting behind me.

"I think that sounds amazing," he whispered against my skin making me shiver in his arms.

"You know I have a weakness for Preston and Cecelia," he whispered with a chuckle as he rested his head against mine. Yes, I knew he had a weakness for their story. It was us and to him whatever I wrote it was like reading my mind or at least that was what he told me.

"Cecelia is amazing. She's so smart and beautiful. She has a wicked sense of humor and makes Preston laugh all the time, but I have to say that she has bad taste in men," he said as I huffed at his statement.

"Preston is a prick. She could do better," he whispered as he held me.

"Yeah, well, she loves him so it doesn't matter," I whispered back to him defensively as I leaned back against his chest. I hated it when he would bash on himself or in this case his fictional self, Preston.

Once the words left my mouth it dawned on me that I had told him that I loved him in around about way. I went silent as I prayed that he didn't notice, but there would be no such luck.

"She does huh?" he asked in teasing voice as he squeezed me tight in a hug. I could feel myself go red in a violent blush.

When I didn't respond after a moment Edward kissed my neck again I think to distract me and it worked since I found myself moving so he would have better access to my neck to continue kissing me.

"Baby, let's go to sleep," he whispered against my skin as he held me close. I loved being held by him. I always felt so safe in his arms. I closed up my writing and then moved so that I could lay back down by him as he moved to be by my side.

I looked over at Edward since now I could finally see his face. He gave me a bright, but sleepy smile. It was a smile of victory. It was as if he had won something. I looked at him and rolled my eyes since I knew it had to do with my omission. This action only made him smile more while I fought the urge to punch him. We lay together until he pulled me close so that I was lulled back to sleep by the beating of his heart.

The next day was all rainy so for the most part we were trapped inside, but that did nothing to dispel Edward's amazing mood. He was just so damn happy that it was irritating.

I tried work on my story and once I did Edward was there sitting by me, trying to read it as I wrote. I asked him what in the hell he was doing, but he only responded that reading our story was addictive and he couldn't help himself with it. He needed to read it like he needed to breathe is what he tried to tell me. So, I would find myself sitting with Edward wrapped around me reading as I typed furiously on the key board trying to get our story out so that it wasn't burning me up from the inside.

After working for a while I found myself needing a break. I stood up and stretched while Edward read what I wrote. I could feel his eyes following me as I twisted from one side to another. I looked out the window to see that it was raining once more. It always rained here.

I walked out of the room towards the kitchen. I had decided that what I needed was to touch the rain. It was odd, but I was compelled to. It was like it was calling me.

I opened up the patio door and walked out into the down pour of our yard. The rain felt cold and good against my skin. It made me feel alive. I tilted my face up towards the heaven in silent thanks for this moment.

I could feel Edward close by as I stood there with my arms extended at my sides enjoying the feeling of the rain as it landed on me.

"Bella," he called as I could hear him get closer to me.

I opened my eyes to look at him. I knew what he had read inside. It was my description of him, how I saw him. I stared at him in this rain as he stared at me with a smile on his face. I tried not to think about my confession of loving him and his lack of response last night. I tried to remember that loving Edward Cullen was not an easy task. He made it difficult by his lack of communication, not that I was any better than him, after all, I had told him that a fictional character loved another fictional character. I did not come out and say 'I love you' to him.

I watched as the rain soaked his t-shirt and shorts as we stood there looking at each other. He opened his mouth to speak as he stepped closer to me.

"I love you Bella Swan,' he said simply as he stood there, looking at me, his clothes soaked and clinging to him like a second skin. His green eyes were glowing with a wild emotion. It was the same emotion that I had seen in them before, but did not have a name for it. His wild hair was laying flat on his head from the rain and he had his long arms now outstretched to me as if he was inviting me in for a an embrace.

I wasn't sure if I had heard him right to be honest since I was not expecting such a declaration from this boy. I looked at him with what had to be a confused look as he stood there in down pour of rain waiting for my response.

There was nothing I could do, but to step forward into his awaiting arms and embrace him as well.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," he kept whispering in my ear as he held me close. The rain was making it hard to hear him, but I didn't care. I looked up at him and soon his lips met mine. The kiss was a soft passionate one that made me feel cherished, loved if you will.

I pulled back from the kiss and took hold of his face in my hands, pulling it down so that we were more eye level.

"I love you Edward Cullen," I whispered softly and then leaned forward to give a sweet kiss on his lips that he quickly responded to. I could feel him laughing as we kissed and he held me close. It was as if telling me that he loved me was liberating to him. It made me smile as well.

We stood there in the rain kissing like fools, smiling at each other like it was fucking amazing that we had found love in each other after all the bullshit that had occurred. None of it mattered anymore. We had each other and that was enough, or so we thought.

**AN:**

**Hello All! I hope this update finds you well. Thank you so much for taking your time to read my story. I heart you all so much that it is silly! **

**Take care until next time,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	18. The first time we were caught

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Senior year. Most kids dream of their senior year, but to me it was just a means to an end. I was glad to be about done with high school. I had never fit in. I was always different. I think some of my teachers had called me a dreamer, but I didn't care. I know this sounds arrogant, but I knew that these were not the best days of my life like everyone said. Don't get me wrong, my days were good, especially that year, but I knew I had better days to come. Unfortunately, there were many of my classmates that this would be the pinnacle of their dull little lives so they were determined to make the most of it.

Looking back on my last year of high school all I can say is that it was good. I had amazing friends and a boyfriend that loved me just as I loved him.

I was unsure when the year started over what would happen between Edward and me, but after his declaration of love I knew we would be fine, or at least I thought so anyway. I didn't know that this would start the countdown to our demise.

The days at school were the same as last year in a way. There were the same people in the halls and the same type of classes. Tanya was there of course, with her pack of skanks. She left me alone for the most part, except when Edward was with me. When he was with me she would flirt shamelessly with him. Mike wasn't around. The word was that his parents sent him away to some all boys' school, but I wasn't sure about that.

School had been in for about a week when Edward and I came home to an empty house. We had been told that Em and his parents would be up in Seattle until dinner time for something to do with football. The empty house was too tempting and soon after a couple of suggestive smiles from Edward we found ourselves on the couch.

There was something completely devious about having him on the couch where we would be watching movies with his parents later on and thankfully Edward could not agree with me more. He always did like the fact that I had a filthy mind and was so willing to act upon it. I made quick work of kissing him while stroking his already hard cock through his jeans while he moaned into my mouth. Edward was almost always hard.

We became tangled in each other as we sat there with me mostly on his lap. I moved so that he would lie down and I smiled as I watched the knowing grin spread across his beautiful face. He knew that I was going to make good on promise from earlier that day. When we were in AP Biology together I leaned over and had whispered in his ear that I wanted to taste him. I think that he had spent the rest of day at school with a hard on, which would have been embarrassing, especially when you consider that he had gym class that day.

He lay back with that silly grin on his beautiful face while his hair stood up in wicked points from where my hands where tugging on it. I pushed his t-shirt up a little since I had always found the line of hair that went from his bellybutton to his cock to be one of the sexiest things about him. Sometimes just looking at it would make me hot. Weird, I know. I traced my fingers down that line, slowly, teasingly, until my fingers reached the buttons of his jeans. I slowly started to unbutton his jeans. Edward had a thing for button fly jeans.

I looked up at his face to find him watching me with that grin plastered to his face like a fool. I loved feeling his eyes on me. It made me feel powerful, strong, loved.

"I love you," he said simply with a smile as the last button on his fly came undone so that all that stood between me and his rock hard cock was the thin cotton of his boxers.

"You say that because I am about ready to lick you," I teased him as I ran my fingers along his hard member from over the top of his boxers causing him to do a quick intake of air.

"No, I say that because it's true. I love you because you are always taking care of me and not just like this," he said in a soft voice as I tugged his boxers and jeans down a little.

"I love you because you are a dreamer. You dream big dreams that always include me," he said in a strained voice as he lifted his hips up to help my tug down his pants.

"I love you because you are smart and beautiful and make me laugh, and are the strongest person I know," he said as he tried to still my hands from touching him for a moment causing me to stop and look at him. His eyes were shining at me in a way that made my heart pound unevenly in chest

"You are perfect and you're mine," he finished in a whisper ash he ran his hand up my arm a little. I could not help but to lean over and kiss him hard after such a declaration. I should have known that Edward was always full of declarations.

Once I pulled away from him I leaned back and looked at his hard cock that was now exposed to me. Before Edward I had always thought that cocks were kind of ugly, they served their purpose and all, but ugly just the same. Then there was Edward, even his cock was perfect. It was kind of disturbing I guess when I actually thought about it.

I shimmied down and proceeded to give his hard member a long lick which earned me a low moan. I looked up at Edward and chuckled as I noticed how glossed over his eyes looked. I thought back to the first time that I had ever tasted him like this. He was surprised and so fucking thrilled that it was almost too much. I loved his reactions to my movements. I loved hearing his moans and hisses as I worked him over with my mouth. I loved hearing him chant my name and having his hips thrust up forcing himself deeper in my throat as he slowly lost control. When he was done he pulled me up, and kissed me senseless as while holding me close in a tight embrace. I think he may have offered to build a temple in my honor too.

As we lay on the couch I continued to lick and suck on his hard member until he lost control and finally came in my mouth which I quickly swallowed. Once I freed him, Edward pulled me up to him like he always did and whispered words of love in my ear before rolling me over so that I was on my back with him on top of me. He only paused long enough to pull his pants back up since his jeans kept getting tangled around his ankles.

We were kissing heavily with his hand up my shirt caressing my breast as he ground his cock which was hard once more since he had amazing recovery times up against my jean covered pussy. I was aching now and needed release. I pushed my hips up against his, hoping like hell he would take the hint and pull my pants down. I wanted to fill his fingers and tongue inside me. I was starting to tug on his hair when I heard a gasp and it wasn't Edward.

We stopped kissing and looked over to find Em, Esme and Carlisle standing there staring at us as we laid tangled and straining against each other on the front room couch. They all were wearing the same shocked look on their faces. I wanted to laugh out loud since I thought about if they had walked in about 15 minutes earlier they could have found me with their son's dick in my mouth and that would have really been shocking, not this.

Edward got off me quickly and pulled me up to sitting beside him. I looked over at Edward who was running a hand through his hair as if to try to tame it from all the tugging I had done it. We casually greeted his family as if nothing was going on, not that they had caught us dry humping on their couch in a tangle of arms, legs and tongues.

"Edward," Carlisle said and then motioned for Edward to follow him. Edward looked over at me with a look of regret before standing up. As he stood up his hard on became more obvious since his pants were undone and you could see it straining against his boxers. I fought the urge to laugh at him.

"Your pants Edward," Carlisle said as he motioned towards Edward's fly, as if he didn't know that his pants were undone and he was all but hanging out for all of us to see. I tried not to watch as Edward struggled with adjusting his hard on while buttoning up his pants. After a moment and another remorseful look back at me Edward was gone with Carlisle leaving me with Emmett and Esme. This was not going to be fun.

"Jesus, Bells, you were dry humping Edward," Em said as he shuddered like it was the grossest thing that he had ever seen which made me laugh. Once I laughed I was read the riot act by Esme. She was not at all pleased about walking in on us like that.

One she finished with yelling about how unhappy she was and how she might buy a new couch now after we had defiled her's, the conversation turned more serious. She talked about birth control and offered to take me to her gynecologist to get on the pill. She talked about how sometimes it is hard not to get swept up in the emotions and she was too young to be grandma. I told her I could not agree more and not worry that it would not come to that. I was not about to let it.

I had already decided before this little disaster that I was going on the pill. I had already made my appointment with a clinic in Seattle and was set to go that Saturday for my appointment. I didn't want to tell her about this and this was a first for Esme and me.

I just couldn't talk to her about being sexual with her son. It was too weird. I didn't need her knowing that I wanted to have sex with her son or all the things that him and I did together. I thought it was enough for her to know that I loved Edward and that I would never do anything to jeopardize his future or mine for that matter. This seemed to appease her and she soon left. I am sure that the awkwardness of the situation left her wanting to bolt from the room as much as I did since as I spoke to her all I could think about was whether or not she could smell her son on me.

After Esme left I looked over at Emmett who sat there shaking his head at me in a sorrowful manner.

"You're going to do it aren't you?" he asked me as he sat in the chair by the couch with a worried look. I just rolled my eyes at him and then looked away.

"Fine Bella, I won't tell you how much of a mistake I think you are making. I won't tell you that I know that this won't end well. I won't tell you that you are being stupid with your heart," Em said in an angry tone as he scowled at me. When he scowled he looked like Edward. I refused to look at him.

"Fine, whatever, but at least tell me you'll be careful," he said in a defeated sigh. I had no idea why he was so pissed about this at the time, but looking back I should have known something was up.

I told him about my appointment and asked him to go with me since I didn't want to go alone.

"You are crazy if you think that I am going with you to get pills so you can screw my brother," he said and paused as he looked at me. He must have noticed how I flinched at his words. I watched him sigh another sigh of defeat.

"Fine, Bella. I'll go. Just let me know when," he said and then left the room leaving me alone.

I spent the rest of the night alone in my room. I didn't want to face anyone and I was sure they had seen enough of me today. At about 10pm Esme stuck her head in my room and said good night as did Carlisle. It was a bit of a stiff good night, but it was something.

Time passed more and there was no Edward. I had hoped to see him before going to bed, but he never showed up. I fell asleep that night writing in my bed, waiting for him.

I wasn't sure what time it was, but I woke up just as Edward was moving my lap top off me.

"Sorry," he whispered as he pulled the blankets up around me, but didn't get under the covers with me.

"What's wrong?" I asked him as I reached out to him, but he just sat there on the edge of my bed looking at me with dark eyes.

"I'm sorry that you got in trouble," he whispered as he finally took hold of my hand. I told him about my conversation with Esme and then he told me about his conversation with Carlisle, which was pretty similar to mine. We kind of laughed about it which eased the tension in the room.

"Esme asked me to go get on the pill," I told him as he crawled under the covers with me. He stopped and looked at me. I knew that he was unsure of what to say back to that.

"I told her no," I said and then watched his face fall a little.

"Well, that's your choice and all,' Edward said softly in a very non emotional voice that seemed off.

"I didn't think it was any of her business that I had already made an appointment up in Seattle this weekend to go on the pill. I just think that it would be weird discussing sex or having sex when it's her son that is involved," I said with a shrug as I looked over at him.

"You're going on the pill?" he asked me with a slight smile as he looked at me with his bright green eyes that always made me weak.

"Uh, yeah, I want to be that close to you and I won't jeopardize your future with taking risks like possibly getting pregnant. We are both too young for that," I replied as I turned to face him a little. He was full on smiling at me now.

"I want to be that close to you too," he said and then leaned over to kiss me softly. I knew that he did.

"Now, I think that I owe you something from earlier," he said with an teasing smile as he pushed me back in bed and rolled his body on top of mine so I was completely covered by him.

"If your mom catches us," I whispered and then kissed his lips once more.

"She won't. They are a sleep. It's just you and me if you can be quiet," he snickered at me because he knew how when he would go down on me it was hard for me not to be loud just over how good it felt. I nodded that I could and then sighed as he started kissing me. I closed my eyes to the sensation as I tried to block out Emmett's warnings from my mind. I should have listened.

**AN: Howdy all! Thank you all for reading and for reviewing. In case you are curious this is the start of the end for them so enjoy them while they are still happy. Not much to say today since I am soo tired! **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	19. The first time I went to the doctor

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

Edward had shown me his extreme appreciation over my decision to go on the pill with his most talented tongue until I was a limp noodle in the middle of my bed. I fell asleep early that morning being held in his arms a very happy girl. It would always amaze me the pleasure that Edward seemed to get by loving me with his mouth like that. He loved for me to lose it and chant his name. The more I would chant the more crazed he would become.

In the morning I awoke alone. I hated waking up alone. I wanted him by me still, even though I knew especially after being caught yesterday, that Esme and Carlisle would be pissed about it. I looked over at where Edward should be and found a note instead.

_Some day-Love always, Edward_

It was like he could read my mind at times or maybe he just wanted the same thing that I did.

I got up and showered to dress for school. I kept looking towards Edward's room as I passed it in the hall, but the door was closed so I did not get a chance to see him. Once I was dressed I headed down stairs for breakfast with a small prayer that the awkwardness from yesterday would have passed over since I was in no mood for it this morning.

Thankfully, it did since Esme and Carlisle was there and they greeted me as if nothing was wrong. I quickly went about getting some breakfast and sat at the table by Emmett. I looked around for Edward, but he wasn't there as I ate my breakfast and made small talk with Em.

I felt Edward enter the room before I actually saw him. I couldn't help but to smile as I felt the energy that would pass between us increase as I felt him come up from behind. I could feel him lean over me until his mouth was by my ear.

"I could still taste you on my lips when I woke up this morning," he whispered in a breathy manner that made me shiver which caused him to chuckle darkly like he always does when he get a reaction from me that he likes. He loved whispering dirty things to me, making me shiver in delight or in anticipation for him and I loved it when it did those things. I blushed at his words.

"Pervert," I whispered back with a smile as I turned my head a little so that my mouth was close to his. I giggled as I heard him snort in laughter and then he kissed my cheek before walking away to grab some breakfast.

"What's going on?" Esme asked teasingly as she looked over at us. While I knew that she was not happy about finding us dry humping on her couch, I did know that over all she was quite pleased that we were back together.

"Edward is dirty talking with Bella this morning," Em said as he rolled his eyes and then elbowed me playfully.

"I am not," Edward protested with a shocked looked on his face as he looked at his parents who were watching him closely.

"Really? Then why did she call you a pervert?" Em asked as he stood up and then put his dirty dishes in the sink.

"I did not," I protested as I looked over at Esme and Carlisle. I could tell that Carlisle was trying not to laugh at us. I wondered what he knew or if he knew things about us at all.

Esme was a doll and quickly changed the subject from the mess that was occurring to talk of my birthday which was the next day. I rolled my eyes as I looked from Em, who started laughing since he knew how much I hated the productions that Esme made birthdays in to and then settled on Edward who was smiling brightly at me as if he had something secret that was killing him to keep it quite.

We all left for school shortly afterwards with me riding with Edward since Em was off to pick up Char. It was a quick drive and so we found ourselves sitting in the car talking before walking inside to face another day.

I told Edward about my appointment on Saturday which was only 4 days way and he told me how he was coming along with.

"Why do you want to go?" I asked him as I looked over at him surprised that he would want to go, but yet happy that he would be there.

"Why wouldn't I go? I want to be there for you. If you are willing to do this for us then I should be there too," he said with a shrug as he looked over at me with his green eyes just glowing at me. I knew that he was right. I knew that this was important to him too and so it was with a heavy heart that I had to tell him that I had asked Em to go along with me.

The look of shock on his face was overwhelming as I explained all of it wrapping up by saying that I wasn't thinking. I didn't think that he would want to be there. I just thought I would want a friend to go and Em is my friend. Edward sat there for a moment looking at me and then shook his head.

"Like hell he is going. This is between you and me, no one else. This is _us_ taking a very big step and Emmett is not a part of that," Edward said in an irritated tone as he looked over at me with his eyes blazing fire.

"I shouldn't have asked him," I whispered as I looked away, but then I felt Edward reach over and run his hand along my cheek causing me to look back.

"No, I get why you asked him, but please in the future know that anything that involves you I want to be a part of. I want to be your first thought, not Emmett," He said as his eyes locked with mine. They were soft and warm, filled with love. They held my gaze and made me sigh.

"Trust me when I say I was only thinking of you when I made that appointment," I replied back with a slight smile which made him laugh as I watched his face go slightly red in a blush that surprised me.

"Good to know, now, I need to take care of something," he replied as he laughed still before leaning over and kissing me quickly. I watched as he scrambled out of the car quickly. Normally, he walks around and opens my door, but this time he just got out and walked quickly as if he was on a mission. It was only once he was out of the car that I could see what he was going to do. He was off to confront Emmett.

I sat in the car dumbfounded as I watched him approach Em. They were far enough away that I could not hear what was being said, but I could tell that it could not have been good just by the expression on Char's face since she looked from Edward to Emmett with surprise. I could see Edward's face and he seemed calm as he spoke, but Emmett, he looked kind of pissed off.

I opened the door just in time to hear Edward say something with a sarcastic laugh. I walked as quickly as I could to see what the hell was going on, but as I approached Edward turned to look at me with a slight smile as his eyes told a different story. He was mad.

Edward took hold of my hand and pulled me to him so that I was pressed flush against him. I felt him wrap his arms around me and then he took a calming breath.

"Are you ok?" I whispered as I wrapped my arms around his wait to hold him to me as I looked up into his eyes. He was still staring at Emmett, but I did not look over Em. I was only concerned about Edward. Finally he looked down at me and gave me a real smile.

"Yeah, I'm good," he whispered and then he leaned down and kissed me. It was a hard kiss as if he was proving a point of some sort. When he pulled away I looked at him questioningly, but he just kissed me again which caused me to smile. We walked away then leaving whatever was going on there with Em behind us to start the day.

The next day was my 18th birthday. It was sad since my dad was not there. I missed him. I did manage to talk Esme in to not making a big deal of it since we were going to Seattle on Saturday for my birthday or at least that was what she thought. The plan was that we would meet her and Carlisle at a car dealership since I was going to look at cars to buy then we would have a nice dinner before we left to see a band play. We were all staying over in Seattle and so hotel rooms would be needed. That morning Edward was taking me to my favorite book store for some shopping before meeting up; it was a good plan even if part of it was a lie. Sure, we had plans of going to the book store, but that was after my appointment.

We ended the night with cake and candles along with the promise that I would get my gifts on Saturday. I was fine with that since I really did hate my birthday. I just never really saw the big deal over it.

I sat in my bed writing as I heard the door open and in walked Edward. He looked glorious in his shorts and t-shirt that he slept in. He had a smile on his face as he walked in and sat down by me. I was so wrapped up in watching Edward that I did not notice that Carlisle was in the door way watching us.

"OK, you can be here for a while, but the door stays open and no funny business you two," Carlisle said as he motioned between us with a smile on his face. I looked at him like he had lost his mind.

"Oh, and happy birthday Bella," he called as he left leaving Edward there with me. I looked over at Edward now since I had no idea what he was up to.

"I came to give you your gift," he said with a big smile as he handed me a small box that was wrapped in birthday wrapping paper. I instantly felt myself blush as I took the box in my hand. I had told him no gifts. I had him and that was more than I ever thought I would have.

"Just open it," he encouraged with a smile that always made me melt and he knew it. I opened his present to discover a gold chain bracelet with a crystal heart charm on it. It was beautiful and simple and just so me.

I looked over at him with a smile and then threw myself in his lap as he laughed at me.

"So you like it right?" he asked as he held me close. I couldn't find my words so I only nodded.

"I love it," I whispered as I finally found my voice.

"I just thought since you have my heart anyway you might as well wear it where everyone can see it," he whispered softly as he held me close to him.

I promptly kissed him and soon our kissing took off into soft, romantic kissing that melted my bones into him.

"You know you didn't have to. My birthday is no big deal," I said to him as I pulled away from his addictive kisses.

"Sure it is. It's the day you were born and that is a big deal to me. I love you Bella and without you I would be lost," he whispered as he looked into my eyes. His green eyes just burned into mine. I could see the love in them, it was bright and shining. It was glorious.

We resumed our kissing until Carlisle appeared and cleared his throat to get our attention. I guess Edward had made a deal with him for some alone time with the promise that we would be good and since Carlisle had a soft spot for romance he could not say no.

I watched as Edward left me to return to his room alone, but I knew that he would be back once Carlisle was asleep and he was. He held me all night kissing, whispering his love and adoration. It was the best birthday I would have for awhile.

The rest of the week went by in a blur until finally it was Saturday morning. Edward and I left early since my appointment was earlier that morning. I found it to be funny over how nervous he was.

"You know, it's not you that they will be checking under the hood," I teased him as he pulled over to get me some coffee from a gas station.

"I know that, but I'm nervous for you, how's that?" he replied and then started laughing at me.

"Checking under the hood huh?' he teased as he took hold of my hand once we started driving again.

"Yeah, I guess I could have said getting your cooter poked, but that didn't seem right," I replied with a sly smile as I looked at him.

This conversation quickly morphed into terms that could be used for a vagina. We both agreed that cooter was too funny and that vajayjay was overdone due to Oparh, plus it was just dumb. Edward had suggested honey hole, but I told him that was just as vulgar as pussy and with that we dissolved into a fit of laughter since it was just so stupid. The good thing was that all this discussion over the proper slang term for a vagina caused us to relax a bit as we laughed and it took up the remaining time that was left on our drive.

We were still laughing as we pulled up in front of the women's clinic. We held hands as we walked in and then checked in. The lobby was filled with young women. Some were pregnant and some were not. When I was finally called back Edward came with me even though I told him I was fine. I honestly think that he was more nervous than me still.

We were lead to a small room where I was told to change into this horrible looking hospital gown that made Edward snicker. I sat on the table and waited for the doctor to come in and then finally he did.

Dr. Young was a young, hot doctor that made me suddenly embarrassed that he would be checking me out so intimately. I looked over at Edward and had to stifle a laugh since he was scowling in the chair like an idiot. He was clearly not so happy with the fact that Dr. Young was so attractive.

The check up was going well and Dr. Young was amazingly kind. He laughed with us and teased Edward a bit as well over him being so uncomfortable. Finally it came to the actual exam it's self and I felt like I wanted to die as Edward sat up by the head of the table trying not to look while a spot light was placed between my legs.

It was horrible and awkward. Dr. Young told me to try to relax which was easier said than done since I had some strange guy down in my whoohaa with a nurse standing over his shoulder while my boyfriend sat there holding my hand. I closed my eyes and felt my face grow red as I blushed. It was horrible and I kind of wanted the earth to open up and swallow me to avoid this embarrassment any longer.

It was at the moment that I felt Edward lean over and whisper in my ear. He starting telling me this incredibly dumb story about when he was little he had pushed dried beans from the game Don't Spill the Beans up his nose. These beans became lodged up his nose and he had to go to the emergency room with his mom. This only made him cry which caused the beans to swell inside his nose. He was laughing softly, rubbing my face and hair with his hand as he told me of how the doctors in the emergency room had to get tongs to pull the beans out. By the time he was done telling me the story I was laughing over the insane childhood story that he had shared with me. It was also at that moment that I discovered that Dr. Young was done with his internal exam as well.

Dr. Young wrote me a prescription for the birth control pill and then said he would be right back. We were left alone in the room for all of maybe a minute before he returned with a brown paper bag full of items. We went over the proper taking of the pill and then I was told I was done.

Once the doctor left I started to get dressed while Edward watched. It was making me nervous to have him watch me get dressed. I mean, he had seen me naked before, but typically he was naked too so it wasn't that big of a deal to me.

"Would you stop staring at me" I said as I blushed bright red under his gaze. I refused to look at him.

"No way, you're gorgeous," he said as he stood up and then pulled me in for a kiss before handing me my chucks to put back on. Once I was dressed I grabbed my goodie bag as Edward referred to it and we left.

In the car I finally looked in the bag. I was surprised to see it full of spermicide and condoms. Some of the condoms were flavored which made me laugh a little as I looked it over. Edward peered into the bag and started to laugh red faced as well. We joked about how obviously the good doctor thought we needed these items so maybe we could them to good use.

The rest of the day went fast and we soon met up with his family. The dinner went well and soon Esme was waving us off as we left with Char and Emmett. The band we saw was great, but it wouldn't have mattered if they weren't I was just happy to be with Edward.

The night passed and soon we made it back to the hotel room. We all shared with the door that made our room adjoining to Carlisle and Este's room left open. I changed as quickly as I could so I could slip into bed by Edward, even though I was supposed to sleep by Char not him.

Once in bed we laid together, wrapped around each other, just holding each other.

"I love you Bella,' he whispered in the dark to me with a drunken slur since we had been drinking to celebrate my birthday, causing me to shiver next to him as I snuggled in closer to his body. I felt him play with my bracelet and then squeeze me closer to him.

"I love you," I whispered back in a soft voice that I was sure sounded just as fucked up as his did. This caused him to laugh as he pressed a sloppy kiss on my lips and then my nose before he pressed his face into my hair to sleep.

I was just drifting off to sleep when I heard what sounded like sniffling in the room. I wondered if Char was upset. She had seemed off tonight and so did Emmett. I decided that I would ask her in the morning when we were alone what was going on. Looking back on that night I wish I had stopped and asked then, but I didn't. In the morning I had long forgotten the sound of crying and did not ask what was going on until it was too late.

**AN:**

**Hello all! I hope you had a great weekend! I did. Sorry about the late update, but I was working on the timeline of what was going to happen here. I will be adding the EPOV soon since I think there is always too sides to this story. Hope you enjoyed the fluff this time.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	20. The first time we made love

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

September gave way to October and I was happy that it did. I had always loved Halloween and so did Esme. She had the Cullen house decorated fully with jack o'laterns and ghosts. They were everywhere and the house just seemed a little creepier because of it, but in a delightful way.

I had been on the pill for a month now and so it was officially effective according to the directions of it all. I was kind of happy about that, however with its effectiveness came some nervousness. I kept thinking about when we should have sex until I just gave up and decided that when it was time it was time, I would just know when it was right.

Edward, on the other hand, was not accepting my idea at all. He was all wrapped in the thought of making everything perfect. I knew that he was thinking of hotel rooms and candle light, I just wanted to make sure that it would not be the back seat of his Volvo.

We had been invited to a Halloween party that Angela Weber was throwing. I was excited to go since I was supposed to stay over with Angela as Edward did with Ben since Carlisle and Esme were going to Seattle over night on Halloween. I could not think of the last time that I had stayed over with anyone other than Char or the Cullen's and the Cullen's didn't count any more since it was my home.

The night of the party Edward came into my room dress normally except for the fact that he looked a little pale. I was unsure of what to go as so seeing him in the same attire as what he was wearing from before was a little disappointing.

"Aren't you going to get dressed?" he asked as he sat down on my bed and looked at me with a smile in his eyes.

"Aren't you?" I teased him as I went to my closet to look around for something. I think that I had a white dress in there and Esme had some wings so I could probably go as an angel.

"I am dressed," he defended with a smile as I stopped looking for my dress and looked back at him. It was at that moment that I noticed his teeth. He had put in vampire fangs, the kind that are glued to your teeth. I could not help but to break out laughing which caused him to laugh too. He was dressed as my character Preston.

"Oh, Preston, I have missed you" I said mockingly as I came over and wrapped him up in an embrace. We laughed together as I sat in his lap. He kissed me and then handed me my set of glue on teeth since I could be Cecelia, after she was changed into a vampire, of course. I loved the idea since it left little for me to do as far as a costume went since creativity in that area was something I was lacking.

"You know, maybe later we could leave these teeth on," I said suggestively as I squeezed his ass causing him to smile widely. His vampire teeth looked real as he did this.

"You are such a dirty girl with your vampire fetitish," he said with a soft laugh as he leaned down and kissed me softly before deepening our kiss. I opened my mouth to him to invite his tongue in as we kissed and shockingly the teeth did not get in the way. I made a mental note about that for later on tonight.

We left for the party not bothering to take his car since Angela's house was just down the street and by the time we got there the place was packed. There were people everywhere and the drinking had already started.

I stayed close by Edward. I was never a big fan of parties and even though I was friendly with everyone there, they just made me nervous. I drank and enjoyed the feeling of the alcohol causing my tension to ebb away. I knew that this was not the way to loosen up, but that night I didn't care.

I talked with several other people, but kept a watch out for Emmett and Char. They were supposed to be there and as the night wore on they were a no show. I was worried since they never missed and if they were late I would get a call or text, but that night there was nothing.

The night wore on and as it did the party amped up. The noise was louder and the people were bolder as the drinks became stronger. It was becoming too much.

Edward pulled me out of the house to the calm darkness of the porch. I wrapped myself around him and as I pulled his face down to mine for a kiss. I loved kissing Edward, but when we were drinking the feeling of dizziness that came when I was kissing Edward increased as well as his boldness since typically he was pretty much a gentleman, even when I didn't want him to be one.

We had stepped into the dark shadows of the porch as we continued to kiss under the crisp night air until it started to rain once more. I had suggested that we go back in, but neither of us wanted to deal with the noise and people so Edward suggested that we go back home. It would be quiet there since no one was to be there and to me that sounded like heaven.

He took hold of my hand and we started walking home in the rain. We were midway home when Edward pulled me close and kissed me again. I had discovered in my time with Edward that he had a thing for kissing in the rain. He liked it. He had told me that it made it seem like we were the only ones around when we were in the rain like that. It was endearing to me that he felt that way.

The rain was soaking our clothes as we kissed under the tree in the front yard of one of our neighbors on the street, but I did not care. We stayed like that kissing, touching, and caressing each other in the rain until the bright lights of a truck or something shined on us causing us to stop in surprise.

We looked at each other like we forgot we were standing in the rain making out until that very moment. When our eyes met we started laughing insanely since it just seemed so damn funny to be out there like that.

Edward took my hand and we started back home once more. He only paused to pick me up and carry me piggy back style in efforts to speed up our trip home since the rain started coming done harder now. I clung to him like a second skin as my legs wrapped around his waist holding him snuggly there while my arms wrapped around his neck. I would forward and whisper all the dirty things that I wanted to do to him once we got home causing him to groan as he walked.

We finally reached his parents house and from the outside it looked haunted in a way. The lights were out and in each window there was a jack o'latern glowing a menacing face. Edward carried me up to the porch and then set me down. I was back in his arms before he had a chance to unlock the door.

We finally made it inside and as we did he shut the door and locked it behind us. The house was empty and silent. I loved the silence of it. I wanted to fill that silence with the sounds that Edward makes when I touch him.

He reached for me as we stood in the front entry and pulled me to him. We kicked off our wet chucks as we held each other in an awkward kiss. This continued as we each toed off our socks so that we were bare foot, but still dripping wet from the rain.

I felt his hand roam over me until he had a hold of the hem of my shirt. I started walked backwards, pulling him into the front room as he slowly started to peal the wet shirt off my frame. Once my shirt was gone I pulled his shirt off as well and then pressed myself back into his arms.

I looked up into his eyes and could see the fire in them. It was breath taking and I wanted to touch that fire. I wanted to be burned by that fire. I wanted it to consume me in the most violent way possible.

Our kisses continued as we fumbled in the front room. I touched the muscles of his back, enjoying how they moved as he touched me. I slide my hands down his chest, feeling the rain wet skin as I went until I reached his button fly of his jeans.

I slowly unbuttoned his jeans, earning myself a moan for each button that came undone until his fly was open and his boxers exposed. I placed my hands back on his narrow hips and tugged quickly, pulling his wet jeans down until they were tangled on his legs. He quickly did the same to mine until we both had to step back to step out of our wet jeans so that we would be facing each other in our underwear only.

At that moment when we stood there it dawned on me that this was it. I wanted him and I was not going to wait any more. I think that it was at the same time that Edward came to the same conclusion since he slowed from a frantic pace of getting me naked to just stopping and looking at me longingly as I stood before him in nothing but my bra and panties, soaking wet from the rain.

We looked each other over, still panting from before as we stared. His eyes, god, they were so beautiful. They burned as they held mine. I wanted to touch the light in his eyes.

Slowly he stepped forward and reached out to pull me to him until our bodies were touching. I could feel him hard and ready against my stomach so I rubbed him a little with a slight grin as he moaned softly for me.

We both knew there was no going back. This was it and like or not sex changes everything. I was positive that whatever changes that it could bring that I was fully prepared for them, but you know hindsight is always 20/20.

Edward quickly picked me up before I had a chance to react and started up the stairs to his room. While he carried me I kissed his neck, face, ear, and any other skin that I could reach on him. We made it to his room where he set me down on the bed softly as if I were a child.

The room was dark except for the glow from the electric jack o latern that was in the window. I sat there as he left the room and came back just as quick with his mom's tulip scented candle that he lit sometime in the process of getting it so that we had a little more light.

"Edward, you are such a dork," I said with laugh as I watched the candle light up his face. He was so fucking beautiful that it hurt me to look at him.

"What? What's wrong with some candle light? I'm just setting the mood," he said back with a teasing laugh as he sat it down on the bedside table before turning to look at me with a grin that made me smile in return.

"Should I turn on some Frank Sinatra?" I teased him as I laughed at him. I held my arms out to him to invite him to me.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Marvin Gay," he said with a laugh as he crawled on the bed to reach me. I laughed at him and the whole damn situation of it all as he laughed along with me.

Once we touched he pulled me close so that we were pressed together tightly and I could feel how hard he was against me.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered as he looked down into my eyes causing me to blush. I watched as he grinned at my blush. He had always told me how much he loved my blushes.

"Tell me," he whispered in commanding tone that made me smile again. He could be so damn demanding.

"I love you Edward," I whispered as I pressed closer to him, urging him on.

"I love you Bella, always" he whispered as he started to brush his lips against mine and then we kissed.

Our kissing continued until reaching a fevered pitch just like they always had done. We explored each other's bodies except this time we each seemed to be more confident in our quest to please each other. Edward would not let me focus on him. He insisted that all the focus be on me.

I relished his attention. He was thoughtful and loving as he loved me so thoroughly. He wanted to make sure that I got as much pleasure as I could beforehand since we knew that the first time for girls weren't always that pleasant. I loved watching him try to please me. I loved how his eyes would light up as I moaned his name. I loved how he would catch my gaze and smile a knowing smile, like he knew how much he was driving me crazy with his touch.

Slowly he moved so that he was resting between my thighs, all the way peppering my body with kisses before licking and sucking at my breasts. We had never lain together without any clothing on like this before. The last time we were close like this we had the barrier of my panties, but this time there was nothing and I will not lie when I say it felt amazing as he rubbed the head of his cock against my over excited pussy. I jumped against him as it bumped against my clit causing us both to groan a little.

"I need, I need…" Edward said as he grabbed hold of my hips a little as if to steady himself against me.

I encouraged him as I spread my legs wider, allowing him more access as he lined up his cock with my entrance. Our eyes locked for a moment and I knew what he was doing. He was giving me one last chance to back out of doing this, but I refused by grabbing his face and pulling him down for a deep kiss that he seemed to sink into.

"Bella, baby, you have to tell me if it hurts too much. I won't know…" he stuttered in between kissing my lips. I agreed and then shifted my hips upward, encouraging him to move once more. This was the only encouragement that Edward needed since it was at that moment that he slowly pushed into me.

It was amazing. I think that is the only way I could describe it. I could feel him inside me, stretching me, making me adjust to him. It didn't really hurt, but then again he wasn't fully inside me yet.

Edward would press in and then pull out of me slowly, each pass back inside he would press in further until he was finally all the way inside me. It was at that moment that it actually hurt a little, but not bad. It was maybe a slight sting, but the overwhelming feeling of being so full combined with the fact that it was Edward that I was connected to made tears come to my eyes. I felt like my heart was ready to burst with all the feelings that were running through me and soon the tears that filled my eyes were spilling down my cheeks.

Edward stopped moving inside me once he noticed my tears.

"Oh my god, Bella," he panted in fear as he looked down at me while stopping his movement against me. I could feel him trying to slip out of me, but I stopped him as I wrapped my legs around his waist and held him to me.

"It's ok, I'm just emotional," I said as I wrapped my arms around torso to hold him to me as well. He looked down at me. I could see his arms straining and quivering as he tried to control his body, but it was becoming too much.

"Ok," he whispered in a breathy voice as he looked at me. He looked skeptical.

"Please Edward," I pleaded with him, unsure of what I was pleading for, but then slowly he started to move again, but this time as he kissed me I could hear and feel him mumbling "I love you" against my skin as he continued to slide in out of me.

I found that with each movement I could feel a small zing of pleasure. I found my hips moving as if they knew what the hell to do. I found that as I did this Edward moved faster against me and started to moan lowly against my lips. I could hear the wet sounds our bodies made as they came together and oddly enough the wet sounds of us were making me hot with desire for this boy who was straining against me.

I kissed his lips as his mouth was open, chanting my name as if I was prayer. I turned my head and licked and sucked on his neck just as he liked when he thrust forward hard against me and then stilled as he spilled everything he had inside me.

Edward quickly grabbed my face and kissed me everywhere. He kissed away my tears that would not stop coming and it was at that moment that I discovered that his eyes were wet too so I kissed his eyes also. It was beautiful and heartbreaking. It was everything that I knew it could be and more. It was perfect and we were perfect in that moment.

We lay together like that for quite a while with him on top of me, still inside me. He would try to move and I would just hold him tighter which made him laugh a sleepy laugh before squishing me closer to him. It was with soft words of love whispered to each other that we fell asleep like that to the sound of rain against the window.

When I awoke Edward was already awake, watching me sleep like the creepy stalker he could be. We both got up and washed up a bit before heading back to bed. He had convinced me to sleep naked next to him, not which took a lot of convincing, since I had wanted to sleep naked by him for a long time. He also promised that he would change his sheets before Esme had a reason to question to slight blood stain in the middle of them.

Edward brought me some pain killers and then slipped into bed next to me, holding me tight as the storm outside grew stronger. There seemed to be an eerie sense of calm in the air as if the storm was a precursor for something more deadly coming our way. I didn't like it all. I asked Edward to hold me tighter as if his arms could stop what was already set into motion. He happily agreed to hold tighter as if he knew something was wrong too.

We were both almost asleep when we heard a sound that sounded oddly like a door opening and closing. Edward went off to investigate, but found nothing. We chalked up the noise to our over excited imagination and the cuddled back together to sleep. Looking back now, he should have checked more thoroughly.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Ok, we have about 1 maybe 2 more chapters until things start going all funny. I will be posting EPOV before things head south to give you the option to read what is going on with him during the whole mess. Well….. Once more thank you for reading as well as reviewing. I love you all!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**Xxoo**


	21. The first time I graduated

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The morning after we made love was amazing. I awoke to find the sun out, which was odd in our rainy little town and since his parents weren't home we decided to act up on our baser needs once more. I will say the second time around was even better than the first. I could enjoy it more and as my pleasure increased so did Edward's. I loved his groans and stuttering words of love as he filled my body with his. I loved how he would say my name as if I was the reason he existed when he loved me like that. I loved how he would kiss me like mad once we had reached our peak as if he hated to break the connection we had created in that moment as much as I did.

We laid in bed together naked, pressed together as if even an inch of space between our skin was too far away from each other, talking and making love until we finally had to get up before his parents returned home. I rooted around for clothes while Edward changed the sheets on his bed so Esme wouldn't see the evidence of our night. I laughed at him as he hid the incriminating sheets in a gym bag in the back of his closet. It was so odd and just so Edward.

Once we had some clothes and things in his room were kind of back to normal I left for the shower with Edward following close behind me. The hot water felt good against my body since my hips, and thighs were sore from muscles being used that were not used to such activities, not to mention the dull ache between my legs from where Edward claimed me as his last night and well into the morning that day.

Edward got in the shower with me and we washed each other in a slow loving manner. We made love once more with my back pressed against the cold shower tiles. The contrast between the cold tiles and his hot skin was almost enough to cause me to go into sensory overload from the feel of it all.

Once we showered and dried off Edward slipped on a pair of boxers that he had brought in the bathroom with him however I was forced to walk to my room to get my clothes since I had left them on my bed. This was nothing new since almost every morning I would make the short walk from the bathroom to my room in a towel to finish getting dressed. He opened the door slowly as he turned to make sure that I was covered before stepping out into the hall. I followed behind him quickly and then stepped around him to make a beeline for my room, but I stopped as I saw Emmett standing in the hall as if he was waiting for us. He had angry look on his face as he looked at the both of us.

Edward reached out and pulled me behind him as if he was shielding me from a bullet or something. I wanted to roll my eyes at him, but since he couldn't see me it didn't matter. I waited for a moment as the two brothers stared each other down. Finally, Edward started to move, taking me with him until we reached my door. He turned so he was facing me and gave me a sweet, but yet tense smile before leaning in and whispering in my ear.

"As much as I hate to ask you this, but will you please put some clothes on sweetheart?" he asked in a soft, sensual tone that makes me shiver. Once he got the reaction from me that he wants he kisses me softly and then pulls back, looking at me expectantly as if he was waiting for me to step into my room. I gave him a questioning look that he does not respond to so I roll my eyes at him before going in my room and closing my door.

I could hear the muffled sounds of Edward and Emmett talking outside of my door and then finally a door slamming shut. I wasn't sure what was going on with those two, but then again they did not always get a long so I took it as that. I shouldn't have been so stupid.

Later that day once Esme and Carlisle was home Carlisle pulled Edward away to walk about some exam he had coming up Em was finally able to talk to me. He was irritated.

"You slept with him," he said in flat, but yet disgusted tone. It was quite the way to start the conversation with as we sat outside in the brisk fall air.

"That is none of your business Em," I replied back with a sigh as I looked over at my friend. His dark hair was starting to show more curls now that he was growing it longer. His eyes that were similar in shape to Edward's, but were blue instead of green, looked troubled.

"Ok, fine. It's not, but don't come crying to me when he breaks your heart and you know he will. It's just a matter of time," Em said with a sad sigh before getting up and walking away from me, leaving me alone. I sat outside until Edward found me and wrapped me up in his warm embrace, while I tried not to think about Em's words.

Edward and my relationship continued to grow as time passed. He was of the school of thought that as far as sex went practice makes perfect and we took every opportunity to be together like that when those opportunities came around. We had mastered each other's bodies. I knew every freckle, and every mole I knew every place on his body that would make him sigh, giggle, groan or pant in desire just as he knew me.

It had bothered him that for whatever reason I had not been able to find my orgasm with him inside me even though to me it wasn't a big deal since he was always so adamant with making sure I had one before he was ever inside me. I guess it was his poor male ego that was taking a hit. The day that I actually came with him inside me he reacted like he had won the Nobel Peace Prize. It was comical and I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't since he was just so damn proud of himself. It was shockingly cute and lucky for me that moment was a turning point for us. It was like he had turn on a faucet and now I could not help but to cum when we were together. He loved it and it really stroked his ego.

I was right with my original thoughts from the first night that we made love that sex would change everything since it did. Edward was more protective of me than ever now that I was his in every sense of the word. We were attuned to each other. I could almost feel what he was feeling and he would tell me that it was the same for him.

I would hunger for him with an ache that I had never had before and I knew that he had the same ache since I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me. We would steal away moments at school where it could be just us trying to satisfy this need, but it was never enough

Edward eclipsed everything in my life. He became my everything and I became his. It was over powering and scary that I could want, need someone like I needed him.

I would discover that it was same feeling for him, however at times he would react to it. He would hold me tighter; breathe me in as if this would ease the ache that would happen when we were apart.

He would talk crazy talk, about other boys coming between us, as if that would happen. He would say that someday I would see that there were others out there that were better for me, but to me this was just laughable.

Emmett would tell me that this was not healthy between Edward and me. He would try to talk me into breaking up with him, but I just ignored him. He didn't understand. Looking back, maybe I should have listened.

Christmas that year at the Cullen house was an odd one since Esme's family was coming in from Chicago. I had met them a few times before, but this was the first time that I could remember that they would be staying over the holiday.

Esme's family consisted of her sister Catherine, her husband Quil and their son Paul. Paul was a sophomore in college at Northwestern in Chicago. I had given up my room for them and was being allowed to room in with Edward, which was odd, but Carlisle was allowing it much to Edward and my delight.

Paul was incredibly flirty. He would tease and try to touch me. It was oddly charming and if I had not been with Edward I would have considered him. Paul was good looking. He was tall, with a muscular build that wasn't as bulky as Emmett and not as lanky as Edward. He had beautiful hazel eyes that were the color of moss and dark brown hair that was cut short to his head. His eyes would sparkle and he looked like he would be fun, but I had Edward and there was no one that could compare to him.

Unfortunately, Edward could not get beyond the fact that Paul would flirt with me. He was pissed beyond measure that this was occurring so it was as the house filled with guest from town on Christmas Eve for Esme's famous Christmas Eve party that I drug him away to his room.

Once we were alone in his room I sat on his desk while he paced the floor like a mad man as I waited for him to calm down.

"I ought to go down there and beat the hell out of him for …" he started out as his eyes blazed with anger. He was flexing his large hands and then stopped raked his hands through his hair.

"Why?" I asked him in a bored tone that I knew would piss him off.

"Why? He was touching you! He is not to touch you! You are mine Bella," he nearly yelled at me as I sat there looking at him. He was scared that I would leave him. I could see it in his green eyes. It was funny since I had never given him a reason to believe that I would ever leave.

I sat there as Edward stalked forward towards me with a determined look on his face. I wanted to laugh at his anger over Paul, but I knew that if it was another girl flirting with him that I would be all pissed as well so I didn't. He stepped close to me so that his body was so close that it was almost touching mine as he looked at me.

"I think I know what might make you feel better," I whispered as he looked at me funny for moment before I grabbed him by his tie that Esme forced him into wearing with his dress pants and pulled him down for a kiss. It was a hard, demanding kiss. I poured everything I had into that kiss to tell him that it was only him for me. He quickly responded, just as demanding as I was.

We were a flurry of kisses and touches that quickly morphed into dress pants tangled with boxers around his ankles. Edward nearly growled as he tossed my panties over his shoulders while he pushed my skirt up over my hips harshly. I was demanding that he claim me as his once more and he was more than happy to fulfill that request.

Our love making, if you want to call it that, was hard and fast. He pounded into me, all the while whispering how I was his and his alone. He would kiss me hard and then move lower to suck on my neck while his hands caressed my flesh. I chanted his name as I reached my peak, overwhelmed by the feelings coursing inside me as he claimed me harshly as if he was bending me to his will.

I understood that he needed this. He needed me to relent to him and I happily gave to him so that he could find whatever it was he needed inside me to ease his frustrations concerning Paul. I held him as tight as our position allowed as he came with a growl and my name on his lips. I always loved hearing him say my name as he came. It was powerful to know that I had that hold on him. I whispered my words of love telling him that I was his and that he was mine, to which he breathlessly agreed

Once we came down from our high Edward helped me put my clothes back on. He would offer me small apologetic smiles that I would kiss away since I was not complaining about what had just transpired.

He watched as I fixed my hair in the mirror in his room with a slight a smile. I adjusted my shirt a little to try to cover the little love bite that was forming on my neck from all his kissing and sucking there. I looked at him and just shook my head which caused him to laugh. I knew that he was pleased himself about the mark. It was marking me as his. What a dork.

He quickly walked over and wrapped me up in his arms in a tight embrace. He kissed me softly as he held me closely. I loved it best when he did that, plus after the crazed desk fucking that we had just enjoyed it was such a contrast in emotions.

"Thank you," he whispered in my ear as he held me and kissed me senseless while making me sigh.

I tried to excuse myself to go to the bathroom to clean up a little, but he stopped me.

"You know if I go back to the party like this I will smell like you and sex," I said as it adjusted his tie that was crooked. I could smell myself on him as well. It was kind of an odd turn on.

"Oh, I know," he said smugly as he smiled like a jack ass at me. He wanted me to go there around his cousin smelling like him, marked by him. He wanted to go into the room being a possessive prick, showing the whole damn party that I was his, but I didn't care. I was happy to be his and didn't mind if everyone knew.

We left his room and resumed in the party. If anyone had noticed that we were gone they did not mention it. Edward didn't leave my side. He held my hand and did not flinch too much when Paul flirted a little, but for the most part Paul backed off completely.

At the end of the night I crawled into bed with Edward wearing only his t-shirt and my still damp panties from his release earlier that night. The room was spinning a little from all the mulled wine that I drank earlier, which was causing me to giggle a little. My laughter caused Edward to laugh at me since for some reason he found it to be endearing when I was drunk. He crawled in beside me and then pulled me into his embrace. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips kiss my face, and then neck as I fell asleep. It was heavenly.

Christmas was spent quietly with family. I spent most of the day wrapped up in Edward while Catherine and Esme whispered about us. I could hear snippets of their conversations and they thought Edward and I were too serious, or at least Catherine did. I breathed a sigh of relief when they left to go back to Chicago.

New Years came and went until we were finally back in our last semester of high school. I was happy to be almost done. I could not wait for the time to pass so I could be out of this hell hole that was called Forks High.

The year was passing at a shocking speed with only constant being Edward. I had him and my writing. I found that as I drew closer to Edward the more my story poured out of me. I would find that I would wake up at night with the burning need to write. I would write until I felt the fire pass over me and once it did Edward would be there to read what I wrote, which many times lead to making love. We had become incredibly good at learning to be a bit more quite as we came together since his parents were still in the dark over our physical relationship, well Esme was at least.

Carlisle found out about us by accident. It was late March and we had skipped out on the latter half of the day's classes to go home and be together. Since the house was empty there was no need to be quiet and we were not. Edward had always loved it when I was louder just the same as I loved to hear him as well. We were so wrapped up in each other and the fact that we were alone that we didn't even bother to close his bedroom door.

We had made love well into the afternoon before deciding that we would get a snack. I remember throwing on my panties and the t-shirt that he had been wearing as he slid on his boxers and jeans. He was carrying me down stairs on his bare back, piggy back style when we entered the front room to find Carlisle sitting there all red faced. He had heard us. I don't know who was more embarrassed him or us.

We had a very lively conversation concerning birth control that ended with a promise for him and Edward to continue their conversation later. The only thing that was really decided on was that we all agreed not to tell Esme since she would flip out over such discovery. It didn't matter though since she found out not long after that conversation.

Since Edward and I were not ones to ever learn from our mistakes, Esme came home early once to find us naked and blissed out in my bed after an early out form school. She did not act all that surprised, but she was still a little irritated by the whole thing. Her anger passed once Edward announced that he loved me and that he was going to marry me, which only left a look of horror on my face since I hadn't really thought about marriage and him.

The year marched on and soon we were back to prom time, but this time we decided to go after Esme put the pressure on us. _ It's your senior year. You only have one senior prom. You should just enjoy this._ These were all the reasons she gave us to go, but I still tried to hold off on going. I still refused until Edward asked me formally to go as his date. I couldn't ever say no to him.

Prom was as lame and cheesy as I thought it would be. The gym was covered in crate paper and other cut out decorations, however it could not hide its normal smell of old sweat. Our classmates were dressed and many of them looked ridiculous with zoot suites and top hats as well as dresses that looked like they belonged on strippers not teenage girls. I had chosen a midnight blue short dress that was more of a cocktail dress while Edward looked dashing as always in his tuxedo.

We danced all night outside of the crowd. He held me close and whispered sweet words to me in my ear as we swayed to the music that the DJ provided. It was a sweet and romantic way to end our high school career considering how rough it had started for us. I had hope for the future at that moment.

Graduation quickly followed prom and as I sat there in my ugly gold colored cap and gown waiting for my name to be called I looked around at my classmates for the last four years. I was glad to be done with them. I looked ahead trying to catch a look at Edward as he sat by Emmett. They were easy spot. Emmett was so tall and large next to Edward's tall, lanky frame. I found myself smiling as I heard Edward's name being called and then followed by Emmett. I looked up to see that Edward was looking at me with a big smile as he walked back to his seat.

I was instructed to stand up and wait in line as names were being calling. I dawn on me at that moment that I had no real family outside of the Cullen's here to witness this moment. I looked over at where Esme and Carlisle sat with proud smiles on their faces as they waited to cheer for me as they did their own sons when I discovered that Officer James Laurent was there sitting with them with a proud smile as well.

James and I had formed an unlikely friendship since my dad's death. It was like he was taking on being the older brother figure that I needed in my life. I had grown to love him and he loved me in our odd little fashion. I gave them all a smile and then said a silent prayer that where ever my dad was that he was able to witness this since I knew that it would have been a big deal to him.

"Isabella Marie Swan" I heard Principal Meyer call as I started up the steps. I could hear cheering that I knew were Carlisle and Esme followed by hooting that could only be Edward and Emmett along with James. I blushed beat red under the attention as I shook hands with everyone on the stage before continuing my walk toward my seat. I looked over at Edward who was giving me a big goofy grin that he always does when he is somewhat proud of me. He looked so beautiful that it always made me wonder what exactly he saw in me.

After the ceremony we all went back to the Cullen's house for a large cook out in honor of our graduation. James joined us and it was nice, but I needed to leave. I needed to see my dad. I excused myself and headed towards the cars. I was going to go, but Edward stopped me and talked me into letting him go along with me.

He drove his car to the cemetery where my dad's grave was. We walked out there together, hand in hand until we came to my dad's head stone. I stood there and silently told my dad thank you once more for being around, for having the insight he had concerning the Cullen's. I told him about the beautiful boy at my side. I told him how I loved this boy and how I was certain that he loved me. I asked him to watch over my Edward just as he watches over me. I finished off my conversation with a simple I love you and will see you soon before turning to Edward to leave.

He had been watching me nervously, as if I was going to shatter right before him. I pulled him down for a soft kiss and he quickly responded. We returned to the party and it was like no one had noticed that we had left, or if they did they didn't say anything.

The summer started and we tried to make the most of it. Emmett would be leaving soon since he had to be in Iowa early due to football camp. It was that summer that Char told Em that she preferred girls. It was painful to watch, but not as painful as it was for Emmett. I would offer to talk with him, but he just shut me out. I guess I understood why, but it hurt a little all the same. He left for Iowa without really talking to me and it hurt.

Char, on the other hand, seemed relieved to have the secret out in the open. She was worried that our friendship would be over, but there was no way that I would lose her over something so not important like who you love or who you are attracted to. I knew that I would miss her terribly once I was in Iowa since she was staying behind and going to the University of Washington in Seattle. We had made plans not to lose touch.

I had finished my story by this time and with Edward's encouragement I had submitted it to a small publisher that was known for teen books. It was a long process of finishing my story or our story as Edward preferred to call. It was a lot of late nights and sex with Edward, but I wasn't complaining and neither was he.

At the end of June we heard back from the publishers and they were offering me a book deal. They wanted to publish my book. They loved my story. I was given an editor who was reviewing my writing, but it all was looking good for my book to publish that fall if everything went well.

I was in shock over this, but Edward swore that he knew all along that it would be this way. He claimed that no one could deny the love in the story or my amazing writing. We celebrated this accomplishment by making love in the rain in our meadow. This was quickly becoming a favorite pass time of ours. The rain seemed to enhance the sensations as well as making it feel like it was only Edward and me in this world.

The summer was coming to a rapid end as we packed for college in Iowa. I was looking forward to it and yet dreading it since I hated leaving Esme behind, but at least I would have Edward. It was with a heavy heart that they drove us to Seattle to catch a flight east to what would be our new home in the Midwest.

I held Edward's hand tightly after our tear soaked good byes to his parents along with promises of taking care of each other when we were away from them. We got on our plain quietly without much fanfare and without speaking.

The plain was taking off as Edward decided to speak.

"Are you ready for an adventure?" he asked me softly. I could tell he was trying to tease me, but I could see the nervousness in his eyes as he looked me over. I couldn't find my voice so I only nodded my head yes as the plain took us away from everything that we knew and loved to an unknown future. I had no idea about the adventure that I was about to take on and if I had I would have never have left home.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Sorry I took a few days off! My husband was on vacation and wanted my time. He actually accused my fanfic story of being The Other Man in my life. What a silly boy! Anyway….. Here we are! Things should be changing from here on out for our couple. I have decided that I would hold off on my EPOV of this story until I am further along so that I am not giving too much away. Thank you once more for reading this story. I love you for doing so. Thank you for reviewing. I am behind on responding since I wanted to get this chapter out there so now I am going to try to get those all caught up as well. In the mean time, please know that I squeal like a school girl every time I see that one of you wonderful people have a review for me. I love all of your insight and guessing. It makes me so happy so bless you all for creating joy like that!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**


	22. The first storm in Iowa

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

Iowa was different. It was flat and in the summer it was muggy, but worst of all it never rained. I missed the rain. Our first few days in Iowa were spent getting settled in our dorm building. Edward and I were assigned to the same building, just like a lot of other freshmen. I had opted for a single room, but Edward had a roommate.

His roommate's name was Seth Clearwater and he was ironically enough from LaPush which was right by Forks. He was a member of the native American tribe there and had headed to Iowa to be closer to his mother's side of the family. Seth was shorter than Edward's 6'3 height, but was still lanky and muscular like him. He had short black hair that was cropped close to his head and the most brilliant brown almost black eyes. He had a constant smile on his face and truly if he wasn't Edward's roommate I might have asked him to be mine since he was just that damn cool.

The three of us spent time together adjusting to Iowa and many times Seth would help us since he had spent a lot of time here before classes started. It was nice to have another home connection since there were many times that I felt homesickness creeping in.

We only saw Emmett once a week. He was terribly busy with football practice and classes, but we had made arrangements to meet once a week for dinner to stay close. Edward wasn't always so happy about that, but he went along with it all the same.

I discovered that college was different than high school. People did not expect me to be like them, they were just fine with me being me and I loved that. It was refereshing. I felt liberated and that I finally found some where for me to belong.

Since I had a single room more nights than not Edward would just stay with me. Our bed was smaller, but we were together and that was all that mattered at the end of the day. We would lay together and kiss and sigh as we touched. This hadn't changed even though our location had.

The days started to pass and as they did Edward became a little irritated. There were guys now that were asking me out. It was odd since back home outside of Edward and Peter no one knew I was alive, but here I was some sort of attraction. This drove Edward nuts since it played right into his idea that I would find another guy to replace him with. I would try to tell him that I dealt with women looking at him everyday so his reaction was absolutely stupid. He would only roll his eyes at me and then shake his head at me as if I had lost my mind.

I had received word from my publisher that my book would be out before Christmas and that I was being invited to go on a tour with other authors to promote my book. It truly was a once in a life time opportunity, but the idea of jumping on a bus for a weeks on end did not sound appealing. When I told Edward about this he was quick to tell me that I should do this. He gave me reason after reason as to why I should leave him to promote the book.

It was starting to piss me off that he was in such a big hurry to get me to leave and so after one night of studying together I lost it. I yelled at him. I told him how it was none of his business and I would go if I wanted to and there was nothing he could do to change that. I wanted to laugh at the look on his face as I yelled. He truly seemed startled that I was reacting like this. But what did he think I would say when he was giving me reasons to leave him?

It was at that moment in the middle of my dorm room surrounded by my books and his that he dropped to his knees and produced a ring box. I started to hyperventilate at the sight before me. I loved Edward with everything, but I was 19 and the thought of marrying him scared the hell out of me. He immediately recognized the look of fear on my face and broke out laughing at me.

"I'm not asking, well, not yet, but I was wondering if you know, if you would wear this promise ring?" he stuttered as he looked at me with laughter in his eye that was trying to mask his nerves. It was sweet, but I knew the truth.

He wanted a ring on my finger to keep other guys way. It was stupid and a gimmeicky ploy that I was surprised that he would try, but Edward Cullen never stopped surprising me. I only had a moment to think before I would offend him by not responding.

It wasn't that I wasn't willing to make him a promise. I was. I could promise him that in future I would be his wife. I could promise him that in the future that it would be us. I took a look at the ring. It was a simple. It was an emerald stone with two small diamonds on each side. It was beautiful.

"What exactly are you wanting me to promise?" I asked him as he stood on his knees looking at me expectantly.

"A simple promise that you will be mine," He answered back as he looked at me with such a certain look in his eyes. I promptly agreed, I would promise if it made him feel better. Unfortunately it didn't make him feel better for long.

I found that Edward was irritated a lot. His moods were off and he wasn't telling me why. Unfortunately, I was busy with revisions of my book, classes and studying that I did not have time to really investigate as to what the hell was going on. When I did ask him what was happening he would just say that he was homesick and I honestly believed him since I missed home too.

The days were passing and as they were the pressure was back to go on this tour, but I consistently told my editor no. I had classes and Edward so the last place I would be for 12 weeks or less was on a bus with other authors, but that didn't stop them from asking me anyway.

It was end of September and it was a good day for us since Edward was in a great mood as we walked home. I think I knew why. It was going to rain, thunder storm actually and he was almost giddy with the idea of seeing rain again, but so was I. We laughed as others rushed back toward the dorms or any place else seeking shelter while we casually strolled along almost daring the rain to start to fall. He held my hand and would pull me close for quick kisses, it was nice.

The rain started and we found ourselves walking in the rain. We would stop and kiss as the rain fell on us, soaking our clothes. It was as close to being back at home as we had been in weeks. We finally made it back to our dorm building and kissed all the way up in the elevator until we had to get out to walk to my room.

The walk down the hall was a short one until we reached my door. Edward quickly unlocked the door and pulled me in. We got lost in kisses against rain wet skin. It was passionate and mind blowing as we let the stress of everything melt away just like the rain.

The thunder boomed outside and we lost power in the building. We could hears others scrambling around out in the hall, but we just continued on our quest to love each other thourouhly. It was sweet and passionate as we made love on my small bed being careful so that neither one of us would fall off of it. He would laugh and whisper his love for me as he hands made my skin sing. It was beautiful and perfect.

The storm cleared the muggy air outside, but it also cleared some of the stress between us as well. Once we had reached our peak and he had kissed me silly we laid holding each other, still listening to the sounds of the storm that lingered outside.

"I miss home," he whispered sleepily to me as he squeezed me tight against him.

"I miss home too," I whispered back as I listened to his heart beat, lulling me into a false sense of security while the storm clouds gathered once more outside in a menacing fashion.

**AN:**

**Ok, so this is a short update, but I needed to get a little background out there about what has been happening while they were in Iowa City. I added a link to see a little of what the school looks like if you are interested. The link is on my profile page. Once more thanks for reading! **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	23. The start of the fall

Disclaimer: I d not own twilight.

The day after the storm we were lying in bed together. We had decided to blow off the morning class that Edward had in efforts to be together since the previous night's magic was carrying over into that day.

We didn't have much of a careful morning since it was a little past 10 am when Edward's cell phone rang. It was Esme. She was calling to tell Edward that his friend, Tyler Madison, was killed in a car wreck. He had been driving too fast and hit a slick spot on the road causing him to crash into a tree. He was killed instantly.

Mrs. Madison wanted Edward to be a casket bearer and so Esme was arranging for him to come home. He would be leaving tomorrow, which would be Thursday night and return Sunday night. I sent off an email to a TA of one of my classes since I had a huge test on Friday and wanted to see if he would let me take it on Monday so I could go with Edward.

Edward looked lost as he listened to his mom and then finally handed the phone to me. Esme gave me all the details and I assured her that Edward would be there; after a few more minutes she told me how much she missed me we ended our call.

I wrapped Edward up in my arms and held him as he cried. Tyler had been his friend even after all the bull shit with Mike Newton and Tanya. Tyler was a good guy and for him to die so young was really a tragedy. We spent the rest of the day wrapped up in each other like that until there was a knock o n the door.

It was Emmett. He was called him as well for this funeral and was just checking on Edward. I smiled warmly at him since it was nice to see him care about Edward. Em just nodded and took a seat in my room. We sat there that night, all together just like old time. We talked about old high school stories and laughed about silly things that Tyler had done.

I checked my email that night and discovered that my TA was not allowing for me to make up the test. I would have no choice but to miss the funeral. I hated telling Edward this, but he assured me that it would be fine and he would return to me safely and as quickly as he could.

It was with those words that I helped him pack and went along with him, Em and Seth as he dropped them off at the Cedar Rapids airport to catch a flight back to Washington. I held Edward close as we waited until the last moment before he went back to the secured area. He kissed me softly as he twisted his ring on my finger and then he left me standing there with Seth watching him go.

"Well, doll face, I was told that I needed to take care of you so let's go see a movie and get some dinner," Seth said with a smile as he wrapped an arm around me and started to pull me back towards the exit as I stood there and watched where Edward had entered.

"Who said that?" I asked him a little distracted as I continued to watch for my boy even though I knew that I would not see him.

"Edward, of course, now let's go,' he said as he pulled me along side of him. Seth took me out and tried to make me smile as the night wore on. I learned from him that Edward had left strict instructions to keep me entertained with him being gone, but not too much since I was getting over strep throat. I felt warm all over as I thought about Edward trying to take care of me all the way from Washington.

I was lying in bed that night when my cell phone went off. It was Edward.

"Hey Sweetheart, do you miss me?" he asked all teasingly as he sighed into the phone.

"Of course," I whispered back since I really did miss him. It was pathetic and this was the reason why I could not leave him for that stupid tour.

We talked for a while. I could hear the happiness in his voice since he was at home, even if it was for such a terrible reason as burying his friend. I could hear Esme in the back ground talking and suddenly I was so lonely that I wanted to cry. We ended the conversation with a promise that he would call in the morning and with that we said our goodnights before hanging up.

On Friday morning Edward called me to start the day. I missed him so much and I told him so which made him laugh a little before I headed out to class. The day was long and Seth had plans for us that night.

Edward called in the afternoon before leaving for Tyler's visitation at the funeral home. He promised me that he would call me that night, no matter what time it was and with that he said I love you and hung up the phone.

It was an odd night since I was on edge. There was something off in the air. I could feel it. I waited for Edward's call, but it never came.

The next morning I woke up and checked my phone to see if he called while I had been sleeping, but there were no missed calls. Edward just hadn't called me. I tried his cell phone, but it went to voice mail immediately as if he was dodging my calls or if the phone was off. I tried to remember that we had a time difference going on, but it just seemed too weird that he didn't pick up at all, not even to tell me that he was sleeping. The uneasiness in my stomach ramped up a notch as I waited for his call.

The day wore on and there was still nothing. I found myself pacing in my room as I imaged all the horrible things that could have happened to him as to why he wasn't calling me. My chest ached as I paced. If something happened to him, I didn't know what I would do. My mind started going over all the different scenarios as I paced.

I would keep checking my phone, but there was nothing. I tried calling him again, but he didn't pick up. I had stayed in my room, canceling my plans with Seth, who was surprised that Edward hadn't called me since he had called him that morning to see if he had left his black tie behind since he couldn't find it.

At 7 pm there was a knock on my door pulling me away from staring at my phone, willing it to ring. I opened the door with a scowl since I thought it would be Seth, trying to get me to change my mind about going out, but instead I found a very frantic looking Edward. He was still wearing his suit and holding his small carryon bag that he took with him back home as if he had just come from the airport.

He had purple bags under his eyes as if he hadn't slept and his hair was standing up in every direction like he had been running his hands through it. He looked at me with desperation and it scared me. Something wasn't right, but before I had a chance to question him he walked into my room tossed his bag down and pulled me into his embrace with a panicked harshness.

His mouth found mine and his kiss was hard and laced with something bitter like regret or guilt. His hands moved until one was tangled in my hair while the other one cupped my cheek. He kicked the door closed behind so we were alone in the room with his twisted emotions swirling all over the place. He did not speak, he just held me at first, kissing me with hard, kisses that tasted wrong. He didn't give me a chance to ask what was going on. Looking back he took advantage of the fact that I missed him so he could avoid my questions by kissing me with his bitter regret coated tongue. I should have stopped him, but I was too weak. I should have known, but I was blinded by love by for the boy who kissing me, making me the fool.

**AN:**

**Ok, another short chapter…..I had a few written since I would get up in the middle of the night with the need to write. I think that may be why my husband has referred to this story as my boyfriend and don't get me started about him thinking that I am having a virtual affair with Rob Pattinson! Thanks for reading and reviewing. You all mean the world to me!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	24. The first time he closed his door

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Edward held me tight as he walked me backwards toward my bed. His touch was soft, but felt hurried as if he was running out of time. I would look at him as I broke our kiss and he was smile at me, but the smile never reached his eyes.

"I missed you so much," he said as he pulled me in to kiss me as he laid me down on my bed.

"Why didn't you call?" I asked him as I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him tighter to me.

"I did," he replied innocently, almost too innocently. I knew that he hadn't but he distracted me with his kisses once more until I was wrapped in him.

He quickly pulled my clothes off and then once I was naked he looked at me, I mean really looked at me. It was as if he was trying to love me with his eyes. It was like he was trying to memorize what I looked like at this moment. I held out my arms to him in encouragement, urging him to join me on my too small twin size bed.

I watched him quickly discard his clothes until he was standing naked in all his glory in front of me. I would never get over how beautiful he was in that moment. I smiled at him as I urged him to join me and with that he crawled on the bed next to me.

This time he was different with me. He kissed me everywhere, my ankles, the tops of my feet, behind my knees which made me giggle, making him laugh. His hands were everywhere it was as if he was memorizing my curves and the texture of my skin. It was intoxicating and I relished his touch.

He didn't wait that time for me to cum first he just quickly entered me and once he did he sighed as if at that moment he was complete. We made love that time hard and fast as if he could not get close enough to me, no matter what we did.

He would tell me with stuttering words that he only used when we were this intimate that he loved me, and missed me. He claimed me as his as I cling to him tightly until he chanted my name like a prayer as he came. He took hold of my face and then kissed me like mad just like he always did when we were flying high after our love making, except this time his eyes were wet.

"Why are you crying?" I asked him in between kisses, which caused him to stop for a moment. I looked up into his bloodshot green eyes that were beautiful even then and some emotion flickered through them, but it was so quick that I couldn't figure out what was going on,

"I just missed you, that's all," he replied while a soft smile, trying to ease my fears. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him to me. We lay like that, still connected with him inside me, while he crushed me under his weight. It was comforting.

We spent all of Saturday night that way, holding each other, and making love, but not really talking. Every time I would ask about home or what happened he would distract me with his kisses and start to touch me once more. I couldn't think straight when touched me.

Sunday morning I woke up and he was gone. It left me with a cold feeling in my stomach. I looked around and found a note saying that he would be right back with breakfast so I got up and showered to start my day.

Edward returned as I got back from the shower. It was obvious that he had showered too. He pulled me into his arms for a kiss and quickly breakfast was forgotten. He was obsessed with being with me. It was like no matter how many times we made love it wasn't enough for him.

He would kiss me everywhere, running his lips and tongue over my flesh which would be followed by his hands. He would whisper to me his soft words of love in a voice that cracked at times as if there was emotion behind it that he was not used to.

I had never felt more loved and cherished as I did that day with all of his attention. I should have known something was off, but I was too blissed out to care. I fell asleep that night with Edward still connected to me whispering how he loved me and would always love me. I was just about to drift off when I thought I heard him whisper _I'm sorry_, but at the time I thought I was just imagining things.

Monday morning dawned and as I awoke, stiff from being with Edward, but deliriously happy. I looked around to see that Edward was gone. I wasn't surprised since he hadn't been in his room since before her left really. I showered and dressed for class expecting to see him waiting since Monday mornings we had a class together, but as I opened my door he wasn't there.

I walked down the hall and knocked on his dorm room door to see if he was running late, but Seth told me that he had left a while ago, so I was left standing there unsure of what to make of his lack of appearance. I felt the coldness settle into my stomach once more as I walked out of the building. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text to see if he was still around, but he didn't reply.

I made to class and expected to see him. But he never showed. It was odd for him to miss class. I texted him again asking what was going on and this time I got a text saying that he was busy. It clipped and short as if I was bothering him. I figured that he was just being short due to being back here when he missed him, but I should have seen through it.

The day wore on and typically I would hear from Edward, but there was nothing but silence. That night was our night with Emmett. We met at a pizza place in the walking mall area, but Edward was once more a no show. I looked at Emmett and asked him what happened back at home since I wasn't able to go.

He told me about how after Tyler's visitation there was a bit of a get together that he and Edward went to. I asked who was there, but he just told me people from school and then told me that he lost Edward at the party. He went on to tell me that he didn't see him until the next morning and then Edward had left to come back here right after the funeral, not even bothering to say for the lunch that was being held in Tyler's honor after the service.

Em walked me back to my dorm since it dark out and then gave me sad smile before turning to leave. I rode the elevator up to my floor and walked slowly to my room. I fully expected to see Edward sitting on the floor waiting by my door as he had done so many times before when he refused to meet with Em, but he wasn't there. The cold feeling in my stomach was starting to make me fell panicked in a weird way. I called him, but my call went directly to voice mail so I marched down the hall to his room. I was going to demand answer as what the hell was going on if he was there.

I stood outside his door for a moment. I could hear him inside talking to someone and then he laughed. It was a hollow laugh, but a laugh all the same. I knocked on the door and waited for him to answer. I suddenly felt stupid standing there waiting for him. It was a similar feeling to what I would get when I would see him in the hall of high school, hoping that he would say hello.

The door swung open and there he stood looking heartbreakingly beautiful. He had his cell phone pressed to his ear and a surprised look on his handsome face. It was obvious that he hadn't shaved that day since he had a shadow along his jaw from his lack of attention.

"I gotta go..." he said nervously into the phone before hanging up to face me fully. I stepped forward to go into his room, but he blocked me. I looked up at him surprised as he stepped closer to me, closing his door behind him so I could not see in.

"Where were you?" I asked him as he looked around me in a shifty manner. I could see the guilt on his face as he looked at everything in the hall, but me.

"I had homework Bella. I'm sorry I should have called," he said as he focused in on me with a dazzling smile that made me want to forget the nagging fear that was slowly spreading through me. I knew that he had homework from missing those days.

We stood out in the hallway shifting nervously as we talked about nothing. I wanted to scream at him, but I couldn't. I couldn't find my words and every time I looked up into his eyes the feeling of fears intensified in me since I was not seeing his emotions. It was like he was wearing a mask with me.

"What's going on Edward?" I asked him as I stepped closer to him as he took a step back so that he was pressed into the door behind him. It was as if he was trying to avoid touching me.

"Nothing Bella," he replied softly as he slowly reached out and touched my face. It was a slow touch, one that looked like it hurt him somehow.

I knew that he was lying. I should have pushed him. I should have demanded the truth, but if I was being honest I was scared of the truth. I was scared that whatever was going on would break my heart.

"Are you staying over tonight?" I asked him in a whisper as I tried to swallow the uneasy fear that was building in me as I looked at his sad face.

"Not tonight. I'll be up trying to catch up and I don't want to keep you up," he said with a sigh as he looked away from me, focusing on whatever was down the hall.

"Ok," I mumbled back looking at my shoes, confused as fuck as to what the hell was going on here. I felt him lean over and press his lips to my forehead. It was a lingering kiss that made me sigh a little, giving me false hope.

"Good night, Bella" he whispered against my skin before stepping away from me. His eyes finally met mine and they were glowing as they looked at me.

I stepped back and started to turn down the hall, but stopped as I turned to look back at him.

"I love you," I said as I turned to leave, it was our nightly routine to say that ever since we had proclaimed ourselves to each other. I waited for his response and typically he was prompt with the sentiment being said back, but this time there was a moment of silence.

"I know you do," he replied with a heavy sigh as he avoided my gaze and then nodded his head at me before opening his door. I stood there shell shocked by his lack of response watching him go inside and close the door behind him.

I don't know how long I stood there, but finally I found it in me to walk back to my room, which seemed so empty now. As I look back now I should have gone back and demanded some explanation, but I didn't. I should have pounded on the door and demand that he tell me what the fuck was going on here, but I couldn't because I knew that if he broke my heart that I would never recover from it. No recovery at all.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thanks for reading my story! I will try to update again soon since the story is just dying to get out at this point in time for me!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	25. The fall

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

That night I could not sleep. I just kept focusing on the fact that Edward did not say I love you back to me. All he said as I know you do. What type of response was that?

In the morning I had free time, no classes until the afternoon so I was lazy about getting up. I kept expecting a loud knock on m door from Edward, but it never came. Once again he was nowhere to be found or at least that's how it looked to me. I texted him and was surprised that he texted me back that he would call me in a little bit.

I breathed a sigh of relief hoping like hell that whatever funk he was in would pass. I knew that he would still be upset that Tyler was gone, but I hoped that this would be a turning point for us. I hoped that he would tell me what was bothering him so badly, causing him to shut me out. I did not hold out my hopes for long as the time that Edward said he would call came and passed without any word from him.

He was starting to piss me off. Where did he think he could get off acting like a fucking douche bag once more? I didn't understand. I just wanted _my_ Edward, back not this shifty version of the same asshole I dealt with in high school.

I skipped class and sat in my room. If he could avoid me then I could avoid him as well. It was a childish act, but I was left with nothing else so that was what I did, not that it mattered. He did call or text so he had no idea that I was avoiding him.

At about 5pm I emerged from my room to find Edward sitting in the hall as if he was waiting for me there. The look of surprise on his face was priceless as I shut the door and started walking without waiting for him to get up and walk with me.

Fuck him. I was tired of waiting for him. He had been avoiding me and I had done nothing to deserve it. Something had happened back home and he wasn't telling me. I was pissed about it. I heard him mumble a curse and then scramble to stand up. I was half way down the hall by the time he caught up with me. He kept calling my name as he tried to catch up.

"Bella," he said as he grabbed my arm, jerking me to stop so that I was forced into his side. I looked at him, trying to convey how pissed I was at him and when I did I was surprised over what I saw.

Edward looked like he hadn't slept again. He looked tired and broken almost as if something was tearing him up from the inside out. His eyes were stormy like the sea before a storms starts. He looked so sad that it made me want to comfort him. Leave it to Edward to pull me out of my anger by being sad. I was so fucking stupid at times as I looked back on this moment.

"You didn't call or text," I said in an angry tone as I jerked my arm out of his grip.

"I know and I'm sorry. I've been busy, but I want to make it up to you," he said with a soft smile as he tried to step closer to me so that it was more of a private conversation. There were people passing us , looking at us as if we were provide some sort of a show this afternoon. When I didn't respond he continued on.

"Let's go out. I was thinking a movie and dinner, you know, like old times," he replied with the same fucking plastic smile on his face that made my blood run cold in my veins. I nodded in agreement since I had lost my words. I knew in my heart that something was off and that tonight I would find out what exactly it was.

We left together, but not touching, normally Edward would hold my hand, but that night he kept his distance. It was making me sick.

We walked over the walking mall and bought some food at a local Mexican restaurant that every one raved about, but I couldn't eat. I felt sick to my stomach as Edward tried to make small talk with me while looking everywhere but at me. I waited for him to speak, but he just kept on with this act.

We made it to the movies, but by this time I was in no mood to go in. I think that Edward could tell so he put on the charm, and soon I was inside the theater, sitting by him as we shared popcorn. The movie was a comedy, but I found that I could not laugh. I was stuck inside my head, paralyzed with fear over what he was going to say or do.

It was at that moment in the dark theater that Edward reached over and took my cold hand in his. He rubbed my hand in his as if he was warming my fingers, but there was something off in his touch. I looked over at him to find him watching my hand in his, when he caught me staring he looked back up at the screen. We sat like that until the movie was over.

We left movie theater and started our walk back to the dorms. Edward's hands were stuffed in his jean pockets instead of holding my hand. He was silent and the look on his face told me that he was thinking. I walked along side of him until I noticed that we were not on the path back to the dorms, we were instead on the quad in front of the old capitol. It was there that I watched with a sick stomach as he took a seat on the steps.

"What's going on Edward?" I whispered since I could not seem too drawn in enough air to really speak in a normal tone. It was like there was a vice around my chest causing me to not be able to breathe.

I watched him fidget for a moment and then rake his hand through his hair like he did whenever he was upset or nervous. I waited as the air became sparse for him to speak. It fucking sucked that he had all the power in this moment and I was just left waiting for whatever bits of information that he would share with me. I was owed much more than that.

"Bella, I'm going home," he said softly, so soft that I wasn't sure if I had heard him correctly.

"You're going home?" I repeated as I stepped closer to him, feeling the electricity that was just us amp up at our closeness. He looked up at me and I could see eyes finally. They were closed off, lacking emotion, dead green. I felt my breathing start to pick up.

"Yes, that's what I said,' he said this time with a bit more anger coloring his tone. It was like he was irritated with me.

"I can't do this anymore," he said with a bit of force as he waved his arm around as if he was implying that he could not be in Iowa any more. I understood that. I was about done with Iowa too. I missed home and the rain. I couldn't write here.

"Ok, we'll go back to Washington," I offered as I looked at him, hoping that this was the only thing that was bothering him. I watched as Edward rolled his eyes at my statement, causing my blood to turn cold since I was not expecting that response at all.

"No, I mean I cannot do _this_ anymore," he said with venom in his voice as he motioned between us. He was fucking done with us. My heart stop beating as I stood there looking at him with my mouth opened in a perfect _o_ from the shock of his eye roll and statement.

"I'm going back to Washington and you can stay here or do whatever,' he said as he looked away from me to the crowd that was passing by us.

I tried to find my words, but they wouldn't come. I was shocked. He was ending it with me and I was dying right there in front of him. I found myself gasping for air.

"Maybe you should go on the book tour, I mean, _they_ want you, you know," he said with an angry tone as his green eyes glowed in the dark at me. They wanted me, he didn't, and I got it.

I found myself thinking about all of his fucking promises, his actions, his everything. I was drowning in my thoughts as I replayed his promise that I wouldn't regret letting him in again, that he would always be there. I could actually hear his voice saying them in my head as I stood there.

"Your promises," I stuttered as I staged back away from him as he looked on at me with no emotion what so ever.

"Just pretty words Bella, pretty words,' he said with venom in his voice as he stood up and stepped closer to me.

"You lied?" I stuttered again, staggering back once more as if he had physically stabbed me in the heart, not just emotionally stabbed me there. I could almost feel my blood pouring out of this mortal wound as I looked at him. There would be no way that I was going to survive this. He steeped closer to me once more, as if he was going to catch me if I actually did fall over.

Edward did not confirm or deny my question; he just looked at me with eyes blazing.

"When did you decide this?" I asked him as I gasped for air, staggering back once more. Edward was watching me now with a look that one might think was concern.

It was that fake look of concern that made my blood boil and gave me back some of my words.

"Was it before or after you came back here and fucked me silly for a day and half?" I yelled at him as I stepped closer to him, secretly enjoying the way he flinched at my words. I was fighting the urge to slug him as he remained silent watching me closely as I started to pace back and forth like a caged tiger.

"What? Did you not think that it was a good ending for us? I thought, you know, one more for the road so to speak. I mean, you didn't seem to mind, as a matter of fact I think you enjoyed it," he said in sarcastic tone that made me gasp as he knocked the air out me with his words. I looked at him and saw a smart ass smirk on his face. I almost doubled over in physical pain since it was like he was ripping my heart right out of my chest. I fully expected to look over and see him holding my still beating heart in his hands.

"I should have never trusted you, I should have known that you could not change, I should have never…" I stammered as I tried to get my breathing under control before I passed out in front of him since I was not taking in enough air even though I was still breathing.

"But you did," he whispered to me as he stepped closer and touched my cheek softly, in an almost loving manner. I looked up at him saw that the smart ass smirk was on face still, as if he was enjoying my pain.

It was at that moment that I died in side. It was right there as he touched me with that look on his face that he killed me. My heart shattered into a million pieces and I knew there would be no putting it back together this time.

I found what was left of my pride and summoned it. I took a deep breath and raised my hand to push him away with more strength than I thought I would have. He seemed startled my actions so I used that surprise to my advantage.

"Go Edward. Go back home. We're done," I said in a calm tone while inside was I screaming. He looked at me; there was a look of uncertainty as he staggered back from me pushing him.

I refused to look at him. I could stand to see the smug smile of satisfaction that I was certain was on his face. I looked at the ground, avoiding his gaze. I waited for him to leave, but he stayed there as if he was waiting for me to look at him once more. I heard him sigh. It was a heavy sigh as if he was troubled by it all.

"Take care of yourself Bella," he said softly as he stepped closer to me for a moment, as if he was going to touch me, but I moved before he had a chance. It was at that moment that my anger found me again.

"Yeah, well, fuck off Edward, it's not like you care any way," I said as I finally looked at him and was surprised to see him flinch at my words. It was like for a split second that he was wounded by it, so I wanted to remind him what an asshole he was.

"Pretty words remember Edward? We can stop pretending that you care. Now leave me alone," I said as I continued to stand there. I refused to look at him again so I did not see him leave, but I heard his footsteps as he walked away leaving me at the steps of the old capitol alone. When I was sure that he was gone I sat down on the steps. I could not move. I spent every bit of energy I had with Edward and that conversation.

I was dead. He had taken everything and killed it all with his bitter words. I fully expected to see my heart on the sidewalk where Edward would have tossed it, like trash to be thrown out, when he walked away. I sat there staring into space, trying not think about what had happened or the huge gaping hole in my chest, or the boy who had just walked away like it was nothing after breaking my heart.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Ok, so we didn't get the answers we wanted but they are coming. I am working on the EPOV of this, but like I said before I won't release it until we are further along in the story.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	26. The Fallout

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

I do not know how long I sat on the steps in the dark of night after Edward walked away. I remember watching crowds thin out until there was no one on the streets and I still continued to sit there.

I was lost on my thoughts. I kept replaying the last days I had with Edward, but nothing made sense. Nothing he did made sense. I then found myself wondering if everything he had every said or done had been a lie while we were together.

It was these thoughts that were plaguing me when I heard someone approach.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I heard a voice ask me as I stared out into space, pulling me back to the present. I looked up and found a concerned looking Seth standing in front of me.

"Seth?" I said, surprised to see him out this late at night.

"Yeah, sweetie, it's me. What are you doing?" he asked me again as he stepped closer to me.

"Oh, well, I was thinking, but I guess it's getting late so I should go back," I said in a small voice as I tried to stand. My muscles were jelly. I had been sitting too long.

"Yeah? What the hell happened?" he asked as he looked at me still concerned. I loved Seth. He was amazing guy.

"Edward is going home," I replied softly. It hurt to say his name. I looked at Seth who looked confused.

"We broke up," I said very matter of factly, as I tried to explain what the hell was going on. I waited to see if Seth was surprised by this information, but he wasn't. I guess he knew.

"Yeah, sorry about that Bella," he mumbled as we walked along. We were silent for a long time as we approached the dorm building. It was an awkward silence. I wanted to know what he knew about our break up, but I couldn't ask. I was too emotionally drained.

Seth walked me all the way to my door and then took my keys to let me in since my hands were shaking so badly that I could not get them in the door. He said a quiet a good night and then walked away, leaving me in the door frame, still shell shocked from the night's activities. I closed the door behind me and sat down on my bed.

I felt numb. It was like I wasn't even there. I wondered if it was possible that when Edward walked away if he took the majority of myself with him. I slipped off my shoes and curled up under my blankets not bothering to change into sleep clothes. I just needed to sleep this nightmare away so that maybe if I woke up if would be different.

I buried my face into my pillow and as I did this I noticed that it smelled like Edward. My whole bed did. I was suddenly inundated with images of Edward in my room. Him laughing. Him kissing me. Him making love to me. Him whispering how he loved me._ Just pretty words Bella, pretty words._ I couldn't sleep here. It was too much. I sat up and slipped my shoes back on so I could go.

I opened my door and started to leave, but then I came into contact with a hard body. I cringed, praying that it was not Edward, not that I really expected it to be.

"Bella, wait up," the voice called. It was Emmett. He was standing there looking sloppy in jeans and a t-shirt, which was so unusual for him. If nothing else, football has made him more conscious over how he looked.

I stopped and waited for him to continue.

"Go on, Em, here's your chance," I whispered to him, as I refused to look at his face.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked as he put his arm around me and lead me back into my room.

"I thought you would be all pleased and here to rub my face in the fact that Edward left once more," I said with a sigh as I sat down on my desk chair. No way in hell I was sitting on that bed again.

I watched as Em sat on my bed with a sigh.

"Hey, I would never do that to you," he said with a soft smile on his face. It was hard to look at him since he resembled Edward enough to make me feel sick to my stomach again.

I looked at his hands since I was avoiding his face. It was then that I noticed that his right hand was cut up and his knuckles were swollen there.

"What did you do to your hand?" I asked him as I slid my chair over to look at his hand better.

"It was nothing. Tell me what happened," Em said as he waved me off and then moved so he would be more comfortable on my bed, as if knowing that it was going to be a long story.

I started to tell him about what was going on starting with moving here. As I spoke of what happened tonight I felt my heart breaking all over and I started to cry. Once the tears started I could not stop and soon I was a sobbing mess, barely able to breathe.

I felt Em pick me up and held me on his chest as he sat back down on the bed. I was sobbing so hard that I could not speak.

"Bella, it will be ok. I promise that it will be ok," he kept whispering as he rocked me like a baby in his arms. I wanted to believe him, but I couldn't. My world had been flipped on its axis. My heart had been shattered beyond repair. I knew that nothing would be ok, no matter what pretty words Emmett promised me.

**AN:**

**Hello All! This one was short, but sweet. I really needed to get Emmett back in to story so I hope you don't mind that this chapter is so short. Thank you all for reading & reviewing! I promise that we will get to what happened with Edward as well as EPOV of what the hell is going on here.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	27. The first 4 weeks

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

It had been four weeks since Edward left. In those four weeks I had tried to go on, but it was hard. The first week I basically stayed in my room, however since I was no longer sleeping in my bed I found myself sleeping on the floor. It wasn't comfortable, but I could deal with it.

People would ask me about Edward. They wanted to know where he was. That was good fucking question since I wasn't sure either. I would have to tell people that we broke up and he left. I was hard to go over what had happened time and time again. I think Seth must have said something to people since suddenly they stopped asking and just gave me sad little looks. I fucking hate pity.

The second week I decided that I was not about to let that prick Edward Cullen break me. He could go fuck himself if that was his plan. I would start each day with telling myself that today would great and by the end of that week I kind of started to believe it. Or at least I did until night time. At night I was lost without him. It didn't matter that Em was around more than ever; I missed Edward or who I thought was Edward anyway.

I found myself not sleeping. If I slept I would dream about him and wake up even more upset than when I had gone to bed. It was just easier not to sleep.

The third week I started dodging phone calls from Esme. She would call and leave me sad messages telling me that she knew something was wrong since Edward was so upset. _Yeah, I am sure_ _that he was_. She would beg me to call her, but I refused. I couldn't deal with right now, not when I knew she would mention him.

I discovered that every time someone mentioned him it was like ripping the scab off my wound causing me to bleed again. It was like being shattered all over again and this was why I just could not talk to Esme. Not yet any way.

When I started to ignore Esme's calls I found that Carlisle would call me and he actually go through by accident one day.

"Bella, darling, how are you?" he asked as we had spoke just yesterday not over a month ago. I wanted to tell him that I had been better, but I could put a front with the best of people so I went along with his polite conversation. I giggle and spoke at all the correct times. He never mentioned Edward and for that I was thankful.

"Promise me that you will call Esme," he demanded as we headed towards the end of our conversation.

"I can't promise that right now, but soon, ok?" I whispered into the phone since I just could not go into details over why I was avoiding his wife.

"Listen, I know that things are…difficult right now, but she misses you and having one child avoid her is enough," he said softly as if he was treading lightly and he was. I wrapped up my conversation with him as quickly as I could and then laid on my make shift bed on the floor and cried.

I cried because I missed Esme. I cried for all the things I had lost with Edward leaving. It was just fucked up to say the least.

By the fourth week I was feeling a bit better because I knew that going forward I did not have to see him again unless I wanted to. I knew that I never had to step foot in Washington again unless I wanted to and that gave me power for some reason. I realized that I could control the situation even if it meant that my control was never being in the same room with him again.

It was end of October and Halloween was approaching quickly. I hated this time of year now since now every time I see a jack o lantern I would think about how the light lit up Edward's face that night we first made love. I hated that this holiday was ruined for me. I was beginning to hate Edward.

It was on October 30 the month anniversary of Edward leaving that things changed for me once again. Emmett was over and I was telling him how for the spring semester that I was moving to my own apartment since I could not stand to stay here anymore. He agreed to that since he knew I could not sleep at night.

I had to take a phone call while he was there. It was from Dr Young from back in Seattle where I got my pills. I had called her to see if there was anything that could kick start my period since all I was doing was spotting and cramping a little, but no real period.

I knew that Emmett was listening in as I explained what was going on. I looked over at him and rolled my eyes as he looked at me concerned. The nurse for Dr. Young told me that yes; there was something that they could give since I was experiencing something stressful and that yes, stress could throw off your period even if you are on the pill. She did ask that I take a pregnancy test first just to confirm that that I was baby free before they prescribed anything.

Once I was off the phone I waited for Emmett to speak. I knew what was coming.

"Are you pregnant?" he demanded as he moved so that he was kneeling in front of me with a sick look on his face.

"Are you high?" I asked him as I rolled my eyes at his concern.

I explained that I was late by about 2 weeks, but I had been spotting. I told him that it was stress, nothing more, nothing less.

"Yeah, but you've been throwing up like crazy," he said skeptically as he looked me over with a critical eye as if he could tell just by looking at me if I was knocked up.

"Yeah, well, your brother ripping my heart out and stomping on it me makes me sick to my stomach, but I'm getting better, you know that," I countered as I rolled my eyes at him. I still could not say Edward without tearing up so when Em and I spoke of him I referred to him as his brother. I loved that Em was concerned, but there was no need for it this time.

"You didn't think I was pregnant the last time I threw up for weeks after your brother broke my heart," I said with a sigh as I opened my lap top to start to work on homework.

"I know, but the last time you two weren't going at like rabbits either so forgive me for wondering," he snorted at me like what he said was funny, but it wasn't.

We talked a bit more about it and he put the pressure on me to take the pregnancy test, which I told him that I had too if I wanted to get a prescription to get my plumbing working right again. This made him cringe, while making me laugh. It was nice to laugh again.

We agreed that taking a home pregnancy test here on my dorm floor when we shared a bathroom with people was just out of the question. I wasn't sure of Seth still talked to Edward and he was the last person I needed knowing that I had to take a pregnancy test. Emmett told me that he would take care of it for me and I trusted him.

It was with that blind trust that got on the city bus with him the next day and got off at stop in a somewhat residential neighborhood. I looked around and discovered that he had taken me to a Crisis Pregnancy Center.

I felt the anger boiling up in me as we stood outside the door to go in,

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I demanded as I looked over at Em in disbelief as he looked back with a very guilty look on his face.

"What? If you are pregnant will it not be a crisis?" he asked as he looked at me with a slight smile as if he was funny or something. I fought the urge to punch him in the nose as we stared each other down.

I stood there staring him down and all I could think about was the last time I went to a clinic with the other Cullen brother. I thought back to how different that time was. I felt the ache in my chest start to hurt as I thought of it.

"Hey, it's just a place to take the test and then once it's over we get your prescription to get you kick started right?" Em said as he took hold of my hand and gave it a squeeze.

I knew that he was right, but I still hated being there. I hated that I wanted Edward there as I took a test to see if I was pregnant with his child. I hated that he had called me and was too big of a pussy to leave message. I hated everything pretty much, but that was my life at the moment. I took a deep breath and walked in the door knowing that this was just one more thing that I had to do to get on with my life without Edward in it.

**AN:**

**Hello! Another short update for you to push the story along. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I love all of your kind words. I am working my way backwards in responses to reviews so hopefully I can get caught up on that tonight. Until next time….**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**


	28. The Test

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I signed in and explained that I was there to take a pregnancy test to the old lady who sat behind the counter. She looked at me and then Em with a fake smile that made me cringe as I went to sit back down by Emmett.

"Let me guess, I am the baby daddy," he said whispered with a giggle that made him sound like a little boy.

"You know, how can you find anything about this to be funny? I do not see the humor in any of this," I whispered back to him harshly as I scowled at him. I think my outburst took him by surprise by the stunned look on his face. I heard him murmur _sorry_ and then I was called back.

I was lead into a little room where they directed me towards a bathroom. I was instructed to pee in a cup. I wanted to roll my eyes at all of this, but I couldn't since I knew it had to be done.

When I came back out I found Em in the room waiting for me. He explained that he was offered to come back to be with me. I was happy to have him there.

I had never taken a pregnancy test before so it was intimidating to watch a woman in a white lab coat pull out a test and dip the end in my cup of pee. I heard Em giggle and I quickly elbowed him to shut him up. I knew that he giggled when he was nervous, but at the moment I just couldn't take it.

The woman tried to make small talk with me while we waited for the results. She wanted to know the date of my last period, what type of birth control I had been using, if there was anything out of the ordinary that had occurred during this cycle. I tried to give her the answers she was looking for, but my mind kept drawing a blank.

She would look to Em as if he had been my partner in crime in this little experiment, but Em would just get flustered and giggle. I wanted to tell her that the boy she was looking for had fucked and chucked me about a month ago so you won't find him here now, but I just didn't have the guts to go that vulgar with her.

After about 10 minutes she picked up the test and looked at it. There was no emotion her face so I left out a pent up sigh. I knew that I was not pregnant before I ever walked in here, but the idea of actually taking the test had put me on edge. I now would wait patiently as she would write down my confirmation so that I could fax it to Dr. Young's office to get whatever it was that he was going to prescribe for me.

"Well, Bella, it looks like it's a positive,' she said as if she was telling me the time. I don't know who gasped if it was me or Em. I turned to look at him and his giggles had morphed in to outrage.

"Let me see that!" I demanded as I stood up to pull the test out of her hand. There was no way. I had taken my pill faithfully. I didn't even alter the times of when I took it.

Once I had the plastic test in my hand I looked down at it. Em was there beside me crowding me to look at it as well. There were definitely two lines where there should have only been one. I looked up to Em's big blue eyes that were as round as saucers staring back at me. His expression mirrored my own look of horror.

I found myself sputtering out words. I was telling her that it wasn't possible that I had taken my pill faithfully. I had been careful even in the times that I took them. I felt myself starting to hyperventilate as I tried to talk to her.

"Ok, ok, ok. Calm down, we can take another test," she said as she opened up another test and promptly dipped the testing end in the cup of pee that had not been thrown away.

I sat there and started to rock in the uncomfortable vinyl chairs as we waited. I looked over at Em; he was now standing up and pacing in the room as if he was trying to wear a groove in the floor.

"I take it this was not planned?" she asked softly as she looked over at us. I am sure that we both looked like we had gone crazy.

I could not even answer her question. I was too lost in the shock of what she said. What was I going to do?

The other test came back positive as well, but at this time I kind of figured that it would.

"Let's get the tech in here and we'll do an ultra sound and just confirm everything," the woman said sweetly as she left the room for a moment leaving me alone with Emmett.

I looked over at him and I was surprised to see that he was on his cell phone.

"Who are you calling?" I asked him, silently praying that it was not Edward.

"Oh, I'm calling the airlines. I'm getting a flight back home so I cut off Edward's dick and shove it up his ass," Em said so calmly as if it was everyday that he was making threats against his brother's junk. That made me laugh. It was loud belly rocking type of laugh. I could almost picture the violence that Em had described for what he had in mind for Edward. It was good to laugh in this most fucked up situation.

I could not stop laughing as the tech came in the room wheeling in an ancient looking ultra sound machine. I was instructed to strip form the waist down and cover myself with this robe and then come out. I quickly stepped behind the curtain as instructed and then reemerged ready to see what this tech was going to go.

Em sat up by my head since the last thing I needed was for him to see me naked, even though we had been skinny dipping together before, but this time it just seemed wrong. We both watched in horror as the tech pulled out a wand looking device and then rolled a condom down it.

The young woman then inserted the device inside me and soon the black screen was filled with scratchy looking images.

"There is your baby. You are about 6 weeks along. I would say based on what you told me the date of conception would have been right around September 27th or the 28th. The due date would be June 20th," she said with a smile as if it was the best news ever. June 20th was Em and Edward's birthday. Happy birthday to you.

The lady then launched in her spiel about how not to have an abortion, that no baby is a mistake. I really didn't want to hear it. I understood that this was their mission to save stupid girls like myself who were too dumb to avoid getting pregnant, but I was no mood to even think about abortions or keeping the kid. I sat there with a dumb look on my face until she was done.

"Oh, here you go," she said and then handed me a print out form the ultra sound. It was a very grainy picture of the child I was carrying, Edward's child; however it looked more like a blob than anything else at this time.

Em waited for me as I got dressed again. We walked out silently, both lost in our own worlds. We caught the bus and made it back to campus.

I was feeling too sick to eat. I assured Em that it had nothing to do with morning sickness and everything to do with life sickness which made him snicker a little. I got a smoothie and took it back to my room to drink while saying good bye to Em. I needed to be alone.

Once back in my room I laid down on my bed since the first time that Edward had left me. I had some thinking to do, but at the moment all I could think about was the fact that I, Bella Swan, had become an even bigger joke than what I already was.

My life was turning into a bad after school special about the danger of teen sex and loving an asshole boy. I was turning into someone I would have laughed about. I had become the stupid small town girl who got knocked up and dumped by her prettier, more popular all be it asshole boyfriend. Yes, I would have laughed at anyone else in this same situation. I had become a fucking cliché and to me that was so much worse than anything else that I could have done.

I thought about Edward. He was off doing who knows what in Washington. I wondered if he ever thought about me. Why did he call and not leave a message? Did he want his ring back? I was still wearing the ring and I wasn't sure if I could give the damn thing back. I wondered if he ever thought that he would be leaving such a mess behind. I doubt that he cared even. Did he realize that when he was giving me his good bye fuck as he had called it, that he was leaving more of himself behind than what he had planned to? It was with those thoughts that I fell asleep, crying as I thought about the mess I was left with.

It was about 3 in the morning when I heard my phone go off. I struggled in the dark to grab my phone and answer it. I was not thinking as I said hello with a big yawn and a sigh.

There was no answer, only a small gasp of surprise.

"Who is this is?" I said into the phone softly as I closed my eyes.

"Fine, you don't want to talk you can listen to me sleep," I murmured into the phone as I closed my eyes again and started to drift off as I held the phone to my ear. I could hear breathing and a soft sigh as I drifted back to sleep with dreams of when life was not so complicated and Edward still loved me.

**AN:**

**Ok, another short update, but I needed to get this one out there. I hope you don't hate it. I know that I usually get mad when Bella gets pregnant, but trust me when I say I need this in the story to keep it going where I see it going. Once more I will restate that all the questions will be answered and the EPOV is in the works I just need to be further along in this one before I add in Edward's story otherwise I'll give everything away & why would you bother to read it anymore? **

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing! It makes my day!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	29. The first kiss

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I spent the next day in my room once more. I had some serious thinking to do about my future. I had my book coming out around Thanksgiving and a possible book tour that would start out in January. I had classes to finish up if I was planning finishing this semester nicely so that I could take a break with the spring semester. I had a child growing inside me and I had to decide as to what I would do about that.

I won't lie when I say that to me termination is a viable option. I cannot see bringing a child in to this world when both parents aren't committed to it. Babies change everything and I was not about to do this alone. I gave myself some comfort in the thought that I had about 5 weeks to decide since in the state of Iowa termination is legal until the 12th week.

Emmett had gone into super protector mode. He was around all the time and while he was trying to be comforting it just really bothered at times. I could look at him and see Edward. They had the same eyes except Em's were blue. The laughs were similar. The more I looked the more I could see Edward and that was beginning to be too much for me since I still missed Edward so much that I could barely breathe at times.

Seth started coming around more which was odd. I bit my tongue every time he would stop me in the hall to say hi. I wanted to scream at him to leave me alone, but I didn't. I wasn't his fault that he was Edward's roommate and he was a nice guy so he didn't deserve to be treated that way.

My publishing company had set me up with an agent by the name of Victoria Stanley who was all gung ho about getting my name out there. She had been the one who was pushing me to go on the book tour before Edward broke up with me and now she was thrilled to hear that I was agreeing to go starting in January. She would call me at the worst times like during class to confirm things and give me updates. I finally just asked her to text me so I could be left alone.

I had received an advance copy of my book. It was named Breathless and the cover art was a picture of the path in woods that leads to the meadow in my home town of Forks that Char had taken. I had insisted that it had to be this picture. That was the only thing I had really insisted concerning what the book looked like.

I held the book in my hands and flipped through the pages. The dedication was to Edward. _To Edward, without you I have no words. _I would scan my words and try not to cry. It was our story in print. Our love story or what I had thought was a love story any way.

I picked up the extra copies and sat them on my desk. I had requested enough so that I could give all of the Cullen's their own personalized copy.

It was easy to write out my thanks to Carlisle and Esme. It was even easier to write out my thanks to Emmett, but Edward, that was much harder. I could have skipped giving him the book, but I wanted him to have it. I wanted him to have this piece of me, this piece of us. I wanted him to read it and feel bad about what he lost, what he could have had, what had been his. I wanted him to feel all the pain that he caused me by leaving so after careful consideration I decided on what to say to him.

_To my Preston, _

_Here are your pretty words for the word to read._

_Yours,_

_Cecelia_

It was lame, but I wanted to remind him if what he had said to me, to remind him that he lied about everything.

I carefully wrapped each book in gift wrap and then boxed up Esme, Carlisle, and Edward's books to ship out to Washington. I snorted to myself as I thought about his parents reading about some of the torrid sex scenes that were left in the book between Preston and Cecelia. I wondered if they would instantly think of their son and me. I found myself praying that they wouldn't.

After I dropped my box off at Fed Ex I walked over to Em's dorm room to give him his present. He was there thankfully and greeted me with a warm hug as he opened his door. This was new for Em and I, all this physical touching. He would hug me hello and kiss my cheek good bye while in between he would hold my hand or touch me some other way. I wasn't sure what to make of it, but for the time being I was letting it slide.

He was thrilled to see the book and promised me that he would read it. I knew that he wouldn't since it was about Edward and he knew it, but it was a nice lie so I let it go. I spent the night with him curled up on his bed watching movies. He had slung an arm around me and pulled me in tighter to him, which made me a little uncomfortable, but it was Emmett and I knew that he was just trying to be comforting. I should have been a little more careful with Emmett, but hind sight is always 20/20.

That night Emmett made no comment concerning the child growing inside me, which was odd since typically that was a favorite topic of conversation with him. He liked to ask me what I was going to do. He hated it that I had inquired with the Emma Goldman clinic concerning termination procedures since I was still on the fence concerning what to do. He was always pushing for me to keep the child growing inside me even if he did not come right out to say that, but that night he was silent. I knew he was thinking of it though when he placed his hand that was not wrapped around me on my still flat stomach.

I wanted to throw up when he did that. It felt wrong and my body cringed under his touch, but he did not realize that. When I looked over at him to see what he was doing I saw his face. It was a look of determination, as if he had made up his mind. I had seen that look before on his brother's face and I instantly thought of Edward.

I was lost in my thoughts over a boy who didn't want me when suddenly Emmett leaned closer and pressed his lips to mine in a kiss. It was a sweet kiss, one that was shy and timid as if he was unsure which did not match the look of determination on his handsome face.

I gasped in surprise, but unfortunately Em mistook that as my approval and quickly took advantage of it. His mouth opened and I found his tongue in my mouth coaxing me to kiss him back as he deepened our kiss.

I wanted scream, but I was lost in my thoughts as Em continued to kiss me, slowly, sensually. My body instantly rejected his touch causing my stomach to roll. I pushed off him and ran out of the room to his adjoining bathroom and started to vomit in the toilet.

I was purging myself of his touch and all the bad feelings of betrayal that came with it as I puked there. Em came up from behind and held my hair while rubbing my back in a loving manner. He had no idea that it was his kiss that was killing me, not this unwanted pregnancy.

"Two thousand miles away and he still fucks things up for me," I heard him mumble as I continued to empty myself into the toilet. I knew that he was talking about Edward, blaming the child growing in me for cock blocking him basically. I didn't have the heart to tell him that it was me, not this unwanted child that was stopping things.

After I finished up I used some of this mouth wash while Em watched me with a careful look. I assured him that I was fine, but I needed to go back to my room. He walked me down stairs to the bus stop while holding my hand as a small smile played on his lips, all the while I felt like I was burning up in betray.

He had kissed me and it was wrong. I still belonged to Edward, even if he didn't want me anymore. I had given my heart to Edward and that was not something that I could take back even if he had smashed into a million pieces. I was lost, so fucking lost and now no matter what I do I would hurt my dearest friend in the process.

Em waited for the bus to come with me and then sent me off with a kiss on my cheek as numbly I got on. I could see his smile of triumph as I rode away. It was that smile that killed me while my mind was 2055 miles away in the small town of Forks thinking about the boy who left me behind.

**AN:**

**Another short update, but I think I am moving things along here. Thank you for reading and reviewing! I luv you all!**

**Take care**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	30. The decision

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

I made it back to my dorm, but not before running into Seth.

"Hey Bella, how are you?" he asked with an easy smile that made me nervous for some reason. I guess that reason could be that he had seen me at my worst. He had seen me on the steps after Edward walked away. He had let me in to his room the day after for me to see for myself that everything that was Edward's was gone, leaving only empty spaces and a bare mattress.

"Oh, hey Seth, I'm good," I replied with a smile. I was getting better at lying.

"Yeah, well, I heard from Edward and he asked about you so I thought I would ask and all…" he trailed off nervously as if waiting to see if I would go into a full panic attack mode.

I took a deep breath and sighed as I looked up into his sparkling dark brown eyes.

"Yeah, well tell Edward…" I started out with a sigh and then stopped. What did I want to say to Edward? I had too much to say to him and Seth was not a good person to relay the message. Seth stood there waiting for me to gather my thoughts.

"Tell him nothing," I finished flatly as I looked away.

"Just so you know, he is all mess," he said with a sad sigh as he ran a hand through his hair in a nervous fashion. I wonder if he picked up that trait from Edward.

"I don't think that he's doing that well without you," Seth almost whispered to me. I felt my anger boil at this statement.

"Well, he was the one who wanted to leave so whatever," I replied and then told Seth it was good to see him before I walked down the hall to my room.

Once inside I let out a pent up breath that I had been holding while talking to Seth. I stripped down for bed and then crawled under the sheets. I could still faintly smell Edward on my pillow as I pulled it close to my face.

Tonight had been fucked up. I wasn't expecting Em to kiss me. I wasn't expecting that at all. I needed to talk to him and explain that I needed time and then even then I was not sure if I could be that way with him. I closed my eyes and thought of happier times when Edward was still mine before drifting off to sleep.

I had decided that morning that I would avoid Em until I could figure out what to say to him. Surprisingly, it was easy to avoid him since he was so busy with football. This did not stop him from calling and texting me.

After a few days I decided that I had no choice, but to talk to him so I texted him and asked him to meet me at the coffee shop around the corner from my dorm. He was happy to meet me, but he wouldn't stay happy for too long.

Once he was there I explained to him that I could not be romantic with him. I just couldn't do it right now. I even offered up that over time maybe that could come, but right now I did not have the heart to do that to him.

"This is about Edward," he said with a scowl that reminded me of his missing brother so much that it made my chest hurt.

"Yes, and no. Right now I just can't do it. I would be horrible for you Em," I whispered, praying that he would understand.

"That is an excuse Bella, just give me a chance," he pleaded as he looked at me while holding my hand in his large ones.

"Just give me some time," I replied back with a sad smile as I looked at him. He gave me a slow nod of his head and I thought that was the end of it, but I should have known better. When a Cullen boy sets his sights on something he does not give up so easily.

Time was passing and as it did the clock was ticking on my decision concerning the child inside me. I was up to 8 weeks now, I had 4 more until I couldn't do anything about it. The more I thought about the child inside the more confused I was.

I followed up on web sites that would give you details over what was going on inside you as far as the child's development. I learned that at 6 weeks that my child's face would be forming. I wondered if he or she would look like Edward. I learned that at 7 weeks that the umbilica cord had been developed so that there was a direct line between me and this child now. At 8 weeks I learned that fingers and toes were forming as well as the eye color would be set. I wondered if this child would have Edward's green eyes or his long fingers.

It was hard to think about since I didn't know what to do. I knew that I could not do this on my own. I also knew that there was no way I was going to be tied to some boy that didn't want me for the next 18 plus years of my life. I would not spend that time shuffling a child back and forth between two people who never wanted it to begin with. It was cruel and I could not be a part of that.

I also knew that I could not keep Edward in the dark about this. This child was part of him and even though he would not get the final say in what should happen to it, I knew that he should be able to speak his peace about it. He should know. I was being cruel and vindictive by not telling him. I was better than that and I knew that.

It was with that thought that I called the Cullen house back in Forks. I had tried Edward's cell phone and my call went to voice mail, not that I was surprised by it. I didn't bother to leave him a message when I knew that he may not listen to it so I decided that I would call Esme. She would make sure that he got my message, that, I was sure of.

I knew that he was back at home. I had called James and asked him to find him for me. James was more than happy to tell me that Edward was back at home with his mom and dad. He also asked me to go easy on the boy. His words, not mine, since Edward looked rough. Well, fuck Edward, he was going to have to put on his boy pants and deal with this since I had been for a couple of weeks now.

The phone rang and Esme answered it quickly. I hadn't spoken to her in over a month now and listening to her brought tears to my eyes. I missed her so much.

We chatted briefly about school. I knew she was trying to keep the conversation light. I told her how much I missed home and her. I could tell she was crying when she told me to come home.

"Esme, would please have Edward call me? I have something of his that he may want or at least want to have a say in," I said softly as I wiped the tears off my face. I thought that this would at least get his attention enough to want to call me back.

"Of course dear, I'll make sure he calls. He's lost without you know," she whispered back causing my chest to ache while I tried to be angry at the statement.

"He's the one who left, not me," I said back with a sad sigh as I looked out the window to the crowd below at the bus stop.

"I know dear, I know," she said with a sad sigh. We said our good bye and I promised to call more often, which was bold face lie.

After I got off the phone my phone rang immediately. I jumped since I thought it might be Edward, but it wasn't. It was Emmett.

I told him about my decision to tell Edward. I also told him about my decision to terminate the pregnancy and the reasons why I felt this best. Emmett of course went nuts, but not over the reasons why I thought he would. He was focused on me telling Edward.

"You can't tell him. It's none of his business!" he yelled at me through the phone.

"None of his business? This is his child!" I yelled back. He was being stupid. I knew that he wanted Edward out of the picture, but this was ridiculous.

"Em, if it were you, you would want to know," I replied in a calmer voice, hoping like hell that he would calm down as well.

"Yeah, well, if I was the father, hell, if I had been with you, I would not have left. He left Bella. He doesn't deserve any of this," Em yelled at me. I knew that he was pissed about all of this, but I was not about to deal with him at this moment.

"You are not the father Em. He is, so he should know. End of story," I replied calmly and then hung up the phone on him. I sat back on my bed and tried to calm down.

I knew that Emmett meant well, but this wasn't his place to decide who deserved things and who didn't. I knew that he was just angry, but I was no mood to deal with him. He would just have to work it on his own.

I took a deep breath and then left my room. I decided that I would go for a walk to clear my head. The conversation with Edward was looming out there for me like a storm cloud ready to burst. I knew I would need my wits about me to deal with that if I wanted to try to keep what was left of my shattered heart from completely breaking. If only I had known what was headed my way.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thank you for reading and reviewing. You seriously all make my day! **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	31. The scent of Tulips

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I walked out of the dorm building and into the crisp fall Iowa air. I needed to clear my head since Edward should be calling sometime. I walked along until I came to the walking mall. This outdoor mall was filled with clothing shops and bars. It was an odd mix, but I liked it.

As I walked I thought about Edward. I wondered what he would do or say once he was told that I was carrying his child, a child created during his good bye scene with me. I wondered if he would over react and make stupid claims. I wondered if he would be a decent guy and want to discuss it. I was lost in my thoughts when my phone rang. I jumped in surprise as I heard the ring tone.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket with a shaky hand and then breathed a sigh of relief as I saw that it was Char, not Edward.

I had not talked to Char in over a month at least. We spoke and quickly feel back in to a comfortable pattern like we always did. Char always just got me and it was at that moment of talking with her that I realized that I had missed her terribly.

Char told me what was going on at UW. She was happy. She hated her dorm mate because the girl was an engineering major who did not get her creative side. She loved some of her classes. She had met a girl who had stolen her heart by the name of Jane.

I was happy for her. It was good to hear her be so happy. I needed to latch on to someone else's happiness since I could not seem to find any in my own life.

Char thanked me repeatedly about her picture being used on the cover of the book, which I could only tell her there would have been no one else who could capture the area like her. She told me about how that single picture had really launched her photography.

Once we got all the pleasantries aside she asked what happened. I had emailed her and told her about Edward leaving, so she kind of knew what was going on. Over the phone I told her everything. I cried as I told her what his hurtful words were as he left. I told her all of it, except for the very large part of me being pregnant. I just couldn't say it. I felt bad enough that Emmett knew before Edward. I could not tell another person until he knew.

"Bella, none of that makes sense," Char said in a confused tone that made me smile. I could almost see the confused look that she had on her face. God, I missed home.

"Well, that's what happened. Maybe something happened at the wake after the visitation," I offered softly, trying to give Char an explanation over Edward's behavior. Char was one who always needed answers.

"I was there and I saw Edward. He didn't stay long so I don't know if that's it," she replied with a confused sigh.

"It just doesn't make sense for him to do this. He was so wrapped up in you that I just can't see him walking away unless something really big happened," Char said and then there was the sound of her taking a drink of something.

"Either way, he did, but I still have Em so I guess I'm ok," I offered softly as I looked out over the walking mall from the bench that I sat on while talking with her.

"You know, they fought about you all the time," Char said with a laugh that made me smile. I had no idea that they fought over me, I mean, I knew that they fought, but not about me.

"Edward would accuse him of liking you as more than a friend and Emmett would just tell him that he would be there long after he was gone. It was so fucking weird, Bella," Char said with a sigh. I agreed and then we both agreed that there was nothing too normal about the Cullen brothers.

We ended our conversation with my promise to see her over the holidays and then Char was gone. I didn't have the heart to tell her that there was no fucking way I was going back to the Cullen house for Thanksgiving or Christmas now.

I decided to walk back to my room with the thought that I could wait for my call back there more comfortably. I paused long enough to get a strawberry and banana smoothie to take with me since I was not really holding anything else down well and I craved these smoothies that mad.

I walked in the building and noticed that people were looking at me. I looked down to see if anything was on my shirt and there was nothing. I tried to tell myself that I was imagining things, but the closer I got to my room the more people stared.

I walked by what was Edward's door and looked over like I always did only to find Seth in the door way. He smiled at me, but it looked off. I had no idea what was going on and then I smelled it.

I could smell the sickly sweet scent of tulips. I stopped in the hall for a moment as I tried to gather myself, but the scent of tulips, tulip candles to be exact, was starting to be over powering.

I stood there and had a flash back of sorts as the smell of tulips overwhelmed me. Tulips and tulip candles had been an inside joke of sorts between Edward and me. It all stemmed back to the very first time we made love and he lit his mom's tulip scented candle because he was dead set on having candle light. After that night going forward I would associate the scent with making love to him. He told me that he thought about me as well when he smelled it. I wondered if that was lie.

He would surprise with bouquets of tulips and then snicker while I blushed because he knew that I was thinking about, even though he was a little red faced himself. He would kiss me every time Esme lit the candle at home and soon enough I had my own candle in my room that was a gift from him. It was an odd joke, but aren't all inside jokes weird?

I started walking towards my room again and the smell increased. My heart was pounding in my chest because for some reason I kept thinking that Edward would be behind the door. Only he knew about the candle, the tulips and what it all meant.

I reached my door and I found that my hands were shaking as I reached for the knob. I wanted him to be in there, to tell me that it all was a fucking mistake and that he still loved me. I wanted him to be in there on his knees begging for forgiveness, looking like shit, as if he hadn't slept in the last 6 or 7 weeks that we had been apart. I wanted him to be in there so badly that I could barely breathe.

I took a deep steadying breath and slowly opened the door as another wave of tulip scent hit me. I said my silent prayers that it would be him on the other side of the door as I slowly stepped in to find out what was going on in my room with the tulips.

**AN:**

**Ok, I wrote this last night, but didn't get a chance to post it. I know, I know I hate cliffhangers as well so rest assured that I am already working on ch 32. Thank you all for reading and reviewing. I wish I could give all of you a big hug!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	32. The question

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I opened the door slowly as I said my silent prayers for Edward. The scent from the tulip candles were over whelming to the point where it was starting to make me nauseated. I opened the door wider into my small room and saw that every flat surface, my desk, the window sill even parts of the floor was covered either in lit candles or by bouquets of tulips.

I found Emmett standing in the middle of it all wearing his black suit. He looked dashing in it. He was wearing a nervous smile as he stood there. My heart dropped as did my stomach when I realized that it was not Edward waiting for me.

I watched as Emmett frowned a little. He must have noticed my sad reaction to the fact that Edward was not there. He quickly turned his frown back into a smile as he looked at me in the middle of all these tulips things.

I now realized why people were staring at me. They had witnessed Em stroll in with his suit and tulips. Hell, probably some of them had watched him decorate my room while waiting for me. I thought about getting sick, but I fought off the urge as I stood there looking at him with what had to be a look of surprise on my face.

"Em, what is going on?" I asked softly as I clung to the door. I needed to hold on to it to help keep me up since my knees started to buckle a bit as I took in the sight before me.

"Why all the tulips?" I had to ask him in a shaky voice. I had to know if Edward had told him anything about their meaning.

"I figured that they were your favorite since you had all these tulips things like candles and such," Em said as if he was proud of himself as he waved his arm around the room. I instantly felt sick once more. He had no idea what they meant to me and I know that if he did that he sure as hell would not have filled my room with their scent.

I looked at him, unsure of what he was thinking or why he was here dressed like that. I felt myself wanting to run away, but it was too late. I was stuck there.

"Bella, I know that things aren't the way they should be. Things should be different for you. You deserve nothing but all the finer things that life has to offer," he stammered as he looked at me funny.

"I…I want to offer you those things. I want you to keep the baby," he started out as he looked at me again, this time with a soft look in his eyes. I stared at him still startled.

"I…I know what you are thinking that the baby has no father, no one to help you, but it could if you wanted it too. I could be the father, Bella. No one would know that it wasn't mine," Em said with a hopeful smile that took me by surprise.

"That is a Cullen baby that you are carrying and genetics are a funny thing. It would not be so odd if _our_ child was to look like Edward, he is my brother after all," he offered as if was offering me some great escape of the mess I was in.

"Edward would know," I whispered as I took a step back towards the door once more. I could not believe what was happening before me.

"No he wouldn't. He would only know what we would tell him and who's to say that we would even see him again," he offered once more as if never seeing Edward again was a wonderful thing to me when in all honesty the idea of never seeing Edward again tore me in half.

"That could be my child Bella and you could be mine as well. No one would know," he whispered to me in a seductive manner as he stepped closer to me.

"Emmett…" I started to say as I looked at him while shaking my head. There was no way I could live that lie. There was no way I could look at Esme and tell her that my child was Em's when it's real father was so close. There was no way I could do that the Emmett. He spoke of me deserving things, when in all reality it was him that deserved the world.

"Emmett, I can't. I can't do that to you. You deserve better than your brother's reject. You deserve someone who will love you as if their life depended on it," I started to ramble as Em took another step closer and took my hands in his. His hands felt so warm and so wrong as he held mine.

"Bella, I love you. I have loved you since we were fourteen. I have waited patiently for you. I have watched as Edward has destroyed you time and time again. _I_ love you like _my_ life depends on it. Marry _me_ Bella," he said with conviction that surprised me.

His blue eyes were so clear and full of love as he looked at me. How could I have missed this before? How did I not know that Em cared for me like that?

"Emmett…." I started out as I thought about what in the hell was I going to do.

"Say yes," he whispered as he looked at me almost pleading me to agree to his request.

I stood there thinking. I thought about how this would be an easy out for me, but I couldn't take it. The baby was not his; it was Edward's child that I was carrying. I didn't love Emmett, not the way he wanted me to or needed me to.

"Em, I can't" I whispered to him as I held his eye contact so that way he would know that there was no reluctance in my answer.

I watched as his face fell from the look of hope to one of anger. He quickly let go of my hands and almost threw them at me. I stepped back quickly as I waited for his temper to blow. While Edward ran cold at times, Emmett's red hot anger was legendary.

"You still love him don't you?" he said with a sarcastic tone to his voice as he looked at me with disgust in eyes that surprised me.

"He doesn't love you," he said harshly as he looked at me. I just shook my head at him. I need to get out of there before Em completely lost it.

"He used you Bella, you are just too dumb to realize that," he said with a harsh laugh. I never thought Edward used me. I had thought he had grown tired of me, but never used.

"Do you think that he is going to come in here and help you with that child? He won't. He'll run from that like he runs from everything else," Emmett said as he stood there glaring at me. I tried to ignore that statement, but it spoke a truth that we both knew about Edward. He was a runner when things got tough.

"You know what Em, I've had enough. You can get out of here, now!" I yelled at him as I pointed at the door with my shaky hand.

"Fine, but you should know he cheated on you. He fucked around with Tanya back in Washington. That's why he ended it with you, he just wanted her more," Em said with such venom in his voice that I cringed.

I felt my stomach roll as I thought about Edward with another girl. It made me sick. I looked over at Emmett and he had a smart ass smile on his face similar to the one that Edward wore on the night of our break up. He knew that his words at stung and he enjoyed it.

"He would not do that to me," I countered back as my anger boiled over in my system. I fought my tears from coming since there was no way in hell I was about to let Emmett see me cry over his statement.

"Oh, but he did. So think about that when you mourn over the fact that you perfect boyfriend left you for some other whore," he said in a hard tone as he moved towards the door away from me.

"Edward would not have done that," I said with a quiver in my voice, but this time I think I was saying it more to myself than to contradict Emmett.

"Check Facebook. There are pictures," he said and then walked out without another word leaving me stunned as I stood in a room that smelled like tulips.

I blew out the candles as I walked around numbly. There was no way that Edward would have cheated. He wouldn't have done that. Char saw him that night and he left early from the party. I kept telling myself this, but I had to look. I had to look at Facebook to see what Em was talking about.

I logged on to my laptop and then finally face book. I had not been on Facebook since Edward and I had broken up and obviously neither had he since he had me listed on his page not only as a friend still, but as someone he was in a relationship with.

I looked over to this pictures and he had been tagged in a photo that was on Tanya Denali's account. I didn't know that they were Facebook friends so that was a bit of a surprise.

I looked at the picture and it was Edward in his suit looking so beautiful that it hurt me to look it with his arm around Tanya who was in the middle with some other guy that was labeled as Garrett on her other side.

I closed my laptop and walked out of my room. There were people milling around. I guess they heard my argument with Emmett, but I didn't care. I walked down the hall. I needed to get out of there. I heard Seth call for me, but I kept walking until I finally reached the elevator and was able to make my escape.

I closed my eyes on the way down, but it didn't matter I could still see that picture. I kept telling myself that there was no way that Edward would have done that to me, but honestly I didn't know any more.

Once I reached the ground floor I walked out into the night. It didn't matter that it was dark and dangerous things happen after dark. I would take my chances on what could happen since it didn't matter, I was dead inside anyway, the Cullen brothers had both made sure of that.

**AN:**

**Hello all! I hope this chapter explains things from last chapter. We also have Edward's phone call coming up as well. Thanks to all read this story!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	33. The walk

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I walked out into the cold night air. It was only 7:30 at night, but the sky dark enough that it could have been midnight. I walked along the path that would lead me by the library and then finally to the shopping district.

I really had no idea where I was going; all I knew was that I needed to get out of there. I needed to get far away from here. I kept walking along until I reached my favorite coffee bar. It was cold and I was tired, so fucking tired. I walked in and ordered a cup of coffee. I needed the jolt of caffeine to wake me up.

As I sat there I looked back upon the cluster fuck that had become my life. I had in the matter of weeks lost the boy that I was in love with, lost my best friend, and gained a bastard child. I needed to regroup. I needed to focus and this time I was going to focus on the positive.

I was going to look at where I could take control of my life once more instead of having it hijacked by a Cullen brother. I could not go through my life as a victim of circumstance or stupid boys any longer.

I sat there sipping my coffee as I looked at the time. It was almost eight o'clock at night so it would be almost six o'clock back at home. Surely, Edward would have received his message by now. I glanced at my phone and it was silent. Maybe Edward wouldn't call back after all.

I took a deep cleansing breath and tried to look for the positive in my life. I may no longer have a family to call my own, since how could I ever go back around the Cullen's now, but I had other things.

I pulled out my phone and called the Emma Goldman Clinic. Tonight was their late night. I made my appointment to terminate the pregnancy. After tonight there was no way I was bringing another person into the tangled mess that was my life. I felt hollow making the appointment, but I was no in place to take care of child, even if I did have the funds to do so.

Once that was set I refilled my coffee and walked out. I thought about Emmett. How could I have missed that with Emmett? He was always my best friend. He always was there for me. Was he only there because he thought he stood a chance with me? If that was case, it really tainted things with him. It would make sense as to why he was so fucking happy that Edward was gone.

Edward. There was another thought right there. What was I supposed to do about him? I needed to tell him about the baby, but my mind was made up about terminating the pregnancy so maybe he didn't need to know since no matter what he said it wasn't changing anything.

I thought about the idea of him cheating with Tanya. I felt sick as I did. Would he have done that to me? He had left me for her before, but we were 14 and everything had changed since then. He had told me that he never felt right dating her. I just couldn't see it. I knew that there was a picture of them on Facebook, but it was a pretty innocent picture. I could not find him guilty of cheating based on that. I just couldn't.

Maybe I was being naïve, but none of it made sense. I was missing some piece of the puzzle and only Edward could clue in on what that piece was. I knew it was highly unlikely that I would find out since Edward was still not returning my call.

I checked my phone again and noticed that time was flying it was now about 8:30pm and I found myself on the old capitol steps where Edward had left me. I laughed to myself as I thought about how fitting it would be for him to call now. After all, this is where we ended everything; this could be where I could tell him about his child and how I was ending that.

I tried to imagine myself telling him that I was pregnant, but no matter how I did it in my mind Edward would go nuts. I was dreading the screaming or the silence that would most likely follow my announcement. I reminded myself that I was telling him because I was the better person, because it was the right thing to do.

I waited there for what seemed like hours, but the phone remained silent. I was not going to chase him. I had left my message with his mom. I knew that she would give it to him, that's why I left it with her. I guess that he was not all that interested in finding out what I had that was his.

Maybe he was just so done with me that it didn't matter to him anymore. The thought of that broke me a little, but I had to realize that the scenario was a very real possibility for me. Maybe Edward really didn't care, just like he had implied.

After a few more minutes I decided that it was cold enough that I needed to get back and clean up the tulip infested mess that was my dorm room. I slowly stood up and started walking back toward the dorms.

I stayed along the street since it was never safe to walk the short cut at night since it led you between dark building and empty parking lots. It was a lot longer of a walk, but it was safer and I knew that.

I would listen to the cars zip by as I walked the sidewalk a long side the Old Capitol Mall. I was window shopping when I noticed that two cars were pulled over by the police. I could not help, but to stop and stare for a moment. Finally, someone was having a worse night than me. I actually chuckled a bit as I watched the police officer have the drivers step out of their cars.

The Iowa City police were horrible. They were kind of rude and just naturally assumed that you had broken some law if you were a college student here. I watched as another cop car pull up to assist. I was hard not to think of my dad as I watched this happen. I missed him.

I turned to start walking again and that's when it happened.

I never saw the moped coming. It wasn't supposed to be on the sidewalk, let alone driven by a drunken student who was trying to avoid the traffic jam caused by the police stop. I never heard my phone go off signaling me that Edward was finally calling me back. It was too late.

**AN:  
Hello all! Another short update for you! Thanks to all who are reading and a special thanks to all who are reviewing!**

**Take care!**

**Mamasutra**

**Xxoo**


	34. The aftermath

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I don't remember what happened at the accident. I remember the sound of brakes squealing and then someone screaming. I remember a man yelling _What the fuck are you doing, _but that was really it. I am told that I am lucky don't remember. My doctor tells me that I am lucky about a lot of things. I don't know if I should believe him or not.

I guess what happened was that the moped hit me head on. The moped was maybe going 30 miles an hour, which I guess is a pretty good speed and I got hurt pretty good.

The moped driver was drunk and his reactions were not all that fast so he actually drove me into a plate glass window. My body flung against the window and broke it so I that I flopped into the display case. If it had stopped there I could have walked or limped away with a broken leg and a concussion, but unfortunately there was glass.

The glass sprayed over me and some struck me as it fell down from the large pane above me. I am told that I was stabbed with a very large piece of glass in my thigh that fell from the above pane. I am told that I was very lucky that it was my thigh since it could have been my abdomen or my chest piercing some major organ or ending my life on the spot, but that did not happen.

The large piece of glass in my thigh would have been fine if it had been left alone for the emergency room personnel to remove, but the driver of the moped freaked out as he saw it sticking out of me. I guess he thought that he had killed me or something by my lack of response. He pulled out the large piece of broken glass which resulted in me starting to bleed out since the glass had severed my femoral artery in my upper right thigh.

I don't remember any of this. I don't remember the ride to the hospital or really anything after watching the cops pull the drivers out of the car from when I was walking by. I am told that if the cops had not been on the scene already I would have bleed out before ever making it to the hospital so I guess I owe then my life.

I have heard it said that as you lay dying that your life passes before you. You get to see a highlight reel if you will of all that you have done, however for me that wasn't the case.

There was not any memories of my dad pushing me on a swing, or my mom before she left. Nothing to tell me about when I learned to drive or learned to shoot a gun. There was no flash backs of trick or treating or holidays spent at the Cullen house. There was only Edward.

I was greeted with images of Edward. His face smiling at me like he would do when I would write. Him walking down a hall at Forks High School. The shadows on his face from lit candles. Him standing before me soaked in the pouring rain professing his love for me. His glorious body, naked and eager for my touch. His eyes over how dark they were when he made love to me. His voice stuttering my name like an obscene prayer as he came.

Even in my own death I could not escape him, which was oddly comforting. It was like if I was dying so was he. It was so strange and yet so peaceful.

The images of Edward must have triggered hallucinations about him because I could feel him there. I could feel the electricity that coursed through us and charged the air every time we touched. I could smell him with the scent of soap and boy that was made up Edward. The best of all of these hallucinations was that I could hear him.

I could hear his soft, velvety voice that was horse and raw sounding as if he had been screaming in my ear. It was as if he was right there whispering to me over and over again. He softly cried an apology for leaving me, for hurting me, for lying to me. I listened to him tell how he wanted me, missed me, loved me, couldn't live without me. They were sweet words and truly I could not have hallucinated anything better.

The hallucinations were so good that once I finally opened my eyes I fully expected to see him in the chair by my bed, but it was empty when I awoke. The odd thing was that it was like he had been there since I could feel the electricity in the air that was Edward and almost smell him on my skin.

When I awoke I discovered that the ring that Edward had given me was gone. I had been wearing it consistently since he gave it to me so I knew that I was wearing it that night of the accident. I asked the nurse about it and she had no idea what I was talking about. The ache in my chest flared up at the thought of losing that ring, Edward's ring, I told myself that I would have had to take it off eventually anyway, but that thought really didn't make me feel any better.

I spent a good portion of that day alone, not that I was surprised by that since I had no family here and the friend I did have here I had left heartbroken on the night that everything occurred. The nurses seemed to be bothered that there was no one with me so they hovered, a lot.

Finally in the afternoon Emmett walked into my room. His face was blank and I knew that he was still hurting from my rejection. He talked with me and pretended that all was fine, but there was that underlying tension there that told me that we were far from fine.

I did get a chance to ask him about his family since I had Carlisle and Edward listed as my emergency contacts and yet I had not seen either of them.

"Dad wasn't able to come and Prince Charming was a no show as well," he said with an eye roll to me. Yeah, we were far from fine.

"Who called you then?" I asked him since I was unsure how he got involved and why he even bothered since he was still being a prick. Em stuttered out a response like I had caught him off guard before telling me that Esme called him.

The rest of our conversation went like that. It was uncomfortable and finally he left with the hollow promise to come back the next day, even though I knew he wouldn't.

I spent the rest of the night crying over the fact I had been discarded by the Cullen's so easily. I tried to tell myself that it was to be expected since I was not Carlisle and Esme's child and they would of course side with Edward in any break up that might occur. I tried to tell myself that I was fine without them, but in all reality I just hurt from it.

It wasn't until evening that I actually talked to a doctor and discovered the fate of the child I was carrying. I guess they had not been aware at first that I was even pregnant, of course why would they know?

Dr. Hansen told me that they did all they could however the pregnancy was lost. He told me that the shock of the accident on my body was enough to cause such a loss. He wrapped it all up in a pretty bow by telling me that over all this would not impact my fertility and that I could try again. No, I could not.

After he left I lie in the hospital bed and let his words and the day soak into my soul. I had been abandoned by the only family I had left. The man that I loved and still love was once again a no show. I had lost my child, one I did not even want, but yet now found myself missing since it was a piece of its father that was now forever gone to me. I had lost my best friend over it all as well.

I laid there and let the tears come as they needed. It was painful to cry like that, but it was what I needed at the moment. I needed time to mourn for everything and everyone I had lost.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thanks for reading! **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	35. The visit

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I spent the next couple of days in the hospital recovering and as I did I dodged phone calls from Esme. I could not talk to her. She was not here when I needed her to be and so call me childish, but I just did not want to deal with her.

I did take some phone calls from James. He was more than upset that I did not call him sooner. I told him everything. Every single last detail, the pregnancy included. He listened silently and then once I was done her took a deep breath. I wasn't sure what he was going to say, but then he surprised me.

"If you don't want to be around the Cullen's the holidays I understand, but please come back and spend them with your other family. We miss you and you shouldn't be alone," he said softly to me. I could hear his take in a few more breaths as if he was going to say more, but stopped himself from doing so.

It was a surprising and nice gesture, but James and I had developed a friendship since dad's death that bordered on being family. Nothing like death to bond people or tear them apart. I meagerly said I would think about it and left at that.

When I finally released from the hospital I was still in cast, but for the most part I could manage. I did not see Emmett again, but I did not think I would. I knew that he was hurting and really I was kind of hurt over how he handled the whole thing.

Most days I was fine. I managed to make it to class. I would spend the afternoon trying to catch up, but at night I was right to being a mess. My thoughts would go back to everything I had lost and some nights it was almost too much.

I found myself not sleeping since when I would dream it would be about Edward. Sometimes they were nice dreams, but mostly they were nightmares of him leaving. It hurt like fucking hell to keep reliving that moment over and over like some sort of sick twist in time that I could not escape.

The days passed and I found myself alone at Thanksgiving. I could not go back to Forks, not yet, maybe not ever. I just couldn't do it. James had tried to talk me into coming back. He was renting my dad's old house and had even told me that my old room was waiting for me if I wanted it. It was sweet of him, but I just could be there.

Esme called me upset that I was not home with the boys. I lied to her and told her that I had gotten invited to go to Phoenix to see my mom so I went. She actually sounded hurt by this, but told me that I would have to come back for Christmas since there would not be a Christmas without me. I told her sure. I had gotten better at lying to her.

It was not long after my phone call from Esme that there was a knock on my dorm room door. There was hardly anyone left in the building except me and some foreign kids so when I heard the knock I actually jumped in fright.

I hobbled my way other to the door to discover Seth Clearwater standing there with a soft smile playing on his lips.

"What are you doing here? Didn't you go back home?" I asked him with laugh. I found myself actually happy to see him for change. I guess I was lonelier than I thought.

"I could ask you the same thing you know," he teased as he walked into my small room with a laugh. Seth was like ball of energy. He bounced around and laughed. It was good to see him.

I discovered that Seth had not gone home to Washington since his sister Leah lived here in Iowa City with her husband Jared. Seth had been running back to his room to get a book that he wanted when he noticed that my light was on in my room. He thought he would stop and invite me over for Thanksgiving.

I tried to decline the offer, but then he put his sister on the phone and I was quickly convinced to come over. Seth practically carried me out of the building and into his awaiting car that was parked out front. We never spoke of Edward and that was nice.

At Leah's house I was welcomed graciously. It was as if they were happy that I was there. It was a delicious meal and a good time since Leah had the same bubbly personality that Seth did, plus Jared was pretty funny as well.

"I'm so glad that you could be here tonight," Leah said as she settled down by my on the couch with a heavy sigh.

"Thank you for the invite," I replied softly, unsure of what to say as I watched Jared and Seth play some war themed video game.

Leah was nice. She reminded me of Char in a way, I think it was the fact that she was so straight forward. I liked that though since there was never any guessing where you stood with that person. She insisted that I go Black Friday shopping with her since she had no girlfriends to go with even though I told her that I would just hold her up with my cast. She reminded me that it was just a walking cast and that I would be fine. There really was no saying no to her.

It was with that thought that I found myself crashing on her couch for the night. Seth had gone back to my dorm and got me some clothes for the next day shopping spree for me so that I had no reason to go back.

I found myself in the early morning crowds with Leah. She loved the crowds while I hated it, but it was nice to get out so I did not complain.

We stopped by the local book store at the mall that we were in and I was shocked to see my book on display. I knew that it would be out in time for Christmas shopping, but to see it there was unreal.

Leah stopped as I stared at the display.

"Wow, that's you huh?' she said as she motioned toward the books display. I could only nod as I stared at the front cover. The picture of the path to our meadow seemed to call to me. I watched her pick up the book and flip through it.

"Well, I have to buy it and you have to sign it since I have never had a signed copy of anything before," she teased and then handed me a black pen to sign the book now.

As I signed the book she began telling people passing by that I was the author of this book. I found that people would stop and pick up the book. I soon had a line of people who were waiting for me to sign it. The manager came up and asked me if I could stop signing right now since we were blocking the flow of the store, but actually set up a book signing time. I set up my appointment on Sunday afternoon to be there and they promised that they would post something in the store today to advise people of that.

"Wow, you are an author," Leah said with a teasing look on her pretty face. I rolled my eyes at her as we walked away. She teased me for the rest of the day, saying that we should cause a commotion every place we go, especially considering that I was famous and all.

We shopped for the rest of the day only stopping for lunch since she was dead set on completing her Christmas shopping list on that day. It was not until evening that she returned me to my dorm room and that was after I practically had to beg to go home. She was insisting that I stay over again, but I told her that I had too much homework still left over from my accident, which was true. She left me off with the promise that she would read my book tonight and we could discuss it tomorrow. Leah was nothing if not intense.

I hobbled my way back to my room in the silent building. I thought of how I would have to try to come up with a proper way to thank Seth for bringing me to his sister since it was nice to have a girl friend once more.

I was lost in those thought as I approached my room. I did not notice the form of a person sitting in the hall by my door until I was upon it. I jumped and screamed in surprise as I saw that it Carlisle sitting there in his dress pants and dresser winter jacket.

He laughed out loud at my reaction and then stood up slowly, telling me that he was too old to sit on the floor like that. I found myself launching myself into his arms before I had a chance to stop.

"Bella, sweetheart, I am so happy to see you," he said as he rocked me back and forth in the middle of the empty hall. He smelled like home and I found myself crying into his jacket as we stood there.

After a moment of me trying to get a hold of myself I opened my door and let him into my tiny dorm room. He looked around at my bare walls and empty shelves that once houses pictures of Edward and all of them, but he said nothing.

We talked as if he was just in the area for a visit, but I knew that he was there for more than that. He did not fly from Washington the day after Thanksgiving to Iowa just to chat.

Carlisle invited me out to dinner and then waited in the hall as I changed into something nicer since I knew that he would pick a nice restaurant. Once I stepped out to greet him he gave me a smile that made my heart hurt over how much he looked like Edward in the moment before taking my arm to help me down the hall.

We spoke of people back home, but never once did he mention either Edward or Emmett. It was a nice conversation as we parked at this more upscale restaurant that was located on the banks of the Iowa River, which gave it a wonderful view.

Carlisle was sweet and comforting as we were seated and then once we had placed our order he was ready to talk.

"How are you?" he asked with a concerned look in his green eyes that was so reminiscent of Edward's that it made my stomach flutter.

"I'm ok. My leg is healing and I feel ok," I replied as I looked at him and then quickly looked away. It was too hard to look at him.

"Why didn't you come home?" he asked as he took a drink of his beer that he ordered.

"I couldn't," I whispered to him as I avoided his gaze. I wondered if Seth had called Edward to tell him that I was here and not Phoenix. Maybe I don't need to thank him at all. The bigger question was why Edward would care at all.

"We all missed you yesterday," he said softly as he gave me a sad smile. I wanted to tell him that what he said was a fucking lie, but I bit tongue instead. I found the anger bubbling up in me as he tried to guilt me into feeling bad for not going back to Forks.

"Why weren't you there?" I asked him and even I could hear the venom in my voice as I spoke. My tone caused him to raise his eyebrows in surprise.

"Why wasn't I where?" he countered back surprised as he looked at me confused.

"When I was in the hospital, why weren't you there?" I demanded from him as I watched his eyes widen in shock. I tried to forget how much he looked like Edward so I could hold his gaze.

"I was there. We got the phone call as you were on your way to the hospital. We were told how grave the situation was and that they were unsure if you would even make it. I called in a few favors and within the hour we were on a private owned jet on our way here," he said in a confused voice as if I had lost my mind.

I sat there staring at him, now I was confused over what the hell happened.

"But, when I woke up, you…you weren't there," I stuttered to him as I took hold of my diet coke with a shaky hand to take a sip.

"Darling, we were there and once they got you stable we stayed until we were instructed that we could not be in your room any longer," Carlisle said softly as if he was waiting for me to fall apart once more.

"There was something about upsetting you and that would be detrimental to your recover," he said softly once more as I looked into his green eyes.

"So you…?" I started to say, but lost my words. I needed to know that I was not abandoned. I needed to hear him say that. I know it was stupid, but Carlisle and Esme were the only family that I really had and I needed to know that I counted to them.

"Bella, I would have never have left you, but I was told it was for the best since your doctor did not want you upset and I understood that," he said sadly as if he realized how terrible it would have been to wake up alone like that. How soul crushing it was that I felt so abandoned by people who supposedly loved me.

"Why would he say that?" I asked him and watched a confused look wash over his face.

"I don't know, but we were ushered out and that was that. I was only told that you were awake and recovering. I spent the rest of the time checking on you by phone and then we went home," he said as he gave me a small smile.

"Believe me when I say there was almost a fist fight in the hall when we were told to leave. I did not want to leave you," he said with conviction that that surprised me.

"You _are_ my child and I did _not_ abandon you. I never would," he said with smile.

I know it was stupid, but I believed him. I knew that Carlisle was a good and honest man so when he told me this story. I knew that it true. I felt my heart start to piece back together a little bit as he took hold of my hand in his, assuring me that their love was unconditional and that it killed him to leave.

The conversation quickly turned into how I was hurting the others by not being there for the holidays. I could not tell him that I could not face his sons at this moment, so instead I blamed it on the leg cast. He looked at me skeptically, but took my answer as the truth. As I said, I was getting better at lying.

We spoke of Esme. She missed me like crazy and cried over my avoidance of her. I felt like a real piece of shit as Carlisle explained all the heart ache I was causing her and for the first time in a long time I legitimately promised to call her more often. I hated that I had hurt her.

He never mentioned Edward by name, but I knew when he was speaking of him. He would gloss over the topic and quickly change the subject, but I still knew. I was thankful that he did not mention him directly since I did not think after such an emotional night that I could stop myself from crying.

The rest of the dinner passed nicely and I was sad when he took me back to the dorm since he announced that he was on the flight back in the morning to Washington. He walked me back to my door and then hugged me tightly, all the while telling me that I had lost too much weigh and needed to eat better if I wanted to recover faster. I pressed my face into his shirt, smelling home on him as I repressed my tears.

"You know, he misses terribly," he whispered to me as he started to let go of his hold on me. I wanted to get mad, but I was too emotional drained for that reaction. I found my walls crumbling as he held me there.

"I miss him too," I whispered my confession, as if I was embarrassed by such an admission to his father, which I was.

"I promised that I would stay out of it, but I can't stand seeing you both so miserable," he said with a sigh and then kissed my forehead good bye before walking away.

**AN:  
Thanks for reading and reviewing! **

**Take care!**

**Mamasutra**

**Xxoo**


	36. The book party

Declaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The days following Carlisle's visit were nice. I was happier knowing that at least Carlisle and Esme did not give up on me. I even called Esme and we made plans to get together before I left for the tour, which meant I was going back to Forks.

Another nice occurrence since Thanksgiving and Carlisle's visit has been Seth. He has been around more. At first I was not so comfortable with it, but I told myself that I needed to be nice. He did invite me to Thanksgiving and his sister is great, but it was odd since I really only knew him thorough Edward. I wondered if he had told Edward that he would stop by my room to chat and we walk with me to dinner, almost forcing me to eat since he told me I was too thin. I wondered what Edward would have thought about that.

It was after Carlisle's visit was that my phone that had been missing since the night of the accident was found. It was found at the hospital and I was contacted through school by the very sweet nurse that had hovered over me while I was there. She called and told me she had my phone and we agreed to meet at the hospital lunch room.

I walked there just happy that I was not going to have to buy a new one and was determined that I would buy her lunch, a drink, something to show my appreciation.

I recognized the nurse; I guess her name was Julia. She was holding out my cell phone with a smile on her pretty face.

"Oh dear, you didn't have to walk over her I could have brought it to you," she said with a smile that made me smile as well.

I was able to talk her into a snack as we sat there as a thank you for taking care of my phone. I was able ask her about my ring and she agreed that she saw it; however she did not know what happened to it. She promised to keep her eyes open to see it was left behind as well, but I was not counting on finding that ring again. Once I finished my coffee with her I thanked her once and went on my way.

I wasn't able to use my phone yet since it the battery was dead I would have to charge it and now that would have to wait until the end of the night since I had a night planned with Leah. She was coming to pick me up so we could discuss my book.

I was actually kind of dreading this since this was a pretty personal story for me. I didn't know if I could handle talking about the great love affair of Preston and Cecelia without outing it as a sham, but I knew that I would try for Leah.

What Leah didn't tell me was that it was not going to be just her and I. Her friends had read the book as well and were dying to discuss it. I only discovered this as Jared picked me up.

"I hope you know that Leah's other friends will be there tonight," he said with an ornery look in his eye as I got in the car, being careful with my cast as I did.

"What?' I countered back quickly, taken back that I would be in a room full of women discussing the book.

"Oh yeah, they all are in love with your Preston character," he said with a laugh as he drove. I wanted to tell him, _yeah, I am too_, but I thought that would sound too weird so I didn't.

We finally pulled up in front of the house and Jared helped me out of the car. I could see that the small house was packed as he opened the door to let us in. I slowly walked in and was surprised to see women sitting around with my book in hand, talking, laughing, eating and drinking.

"Guess who's here?" he yelled and the motioned towards me as a round of cheering broke out. I felt myself blush bright red as I stood there feeling like a fool while Leah rushed to get to me before some of her friends.

Leah grabbed my hand and quickly gave me a hug. It was a nice welcoming hug that made me warm.

"Ok, back off everyone, let the girl take off her jacket before we ply her with alcohol to get her spill her secrets," Leah said with a laugh and then looked at me and winked.

The night went on and yes, they did ply me with beer since I am not a wine drinker. Leah's friends were great. They are were welcoming and caring. I had never had a group of female only friends so this was a first for me and I told them that. They all found it to be funny that my closest friends going up were boys and that I did not have a close girlfriend until high school. I guess it was funny in a way.

I was amazed over the reaction my words got from these women. They loved the romance. They loved how Preston would stalk her. They agreed while some of it was a little off that over all that if some hot guy followed them around they would be ok with it and that made me laugh out loud.

Leah brought up the love scenes and wanted to know how I was able to pour such passion into them. I could not tell her that I wrote what felt when Edward would touch me. I did not want to discuss that especially with alcohol in my system, but I found myself telling her and the group that anyway. I tried not to cry as I said it and I think that overall no one noticed that I had become teary eyed since they had moved on to another scene in the book, but Leah saw me.

After the party I sat there with Leah, drinking another beer, enjoying the silence now that her friends were gone. She kept looking at me and I knew she was going to ask about him. I could see it on her face as she looked me.

"So, this story…it's about a real guy, right?" she asked me with a slight smile. She knew and there was no reason for me to lie about it.

I made her promise that she could never tell any one about this since there was no way in hell I wanted Edward involved. Once she swore to me that whatever I said would remain between the two of us I told her my story, the real story of Edward and Bella.

I talked of how we met and how I became involved in his life. I told her everything from the kiss, the betrayal, my dad's death, coming together to his exit. I left out the pregnancy since well, that was still too hard to talk about. As I talked I watched her face and all the emotions that swirled through it.

"Wow, that's quite a love story. I almost like it better than the one you have here," she said and then took a long draw from her beer bottle.

"Yeah, what's not to like. Girl loves boy, boy leaves girl. Girl takes him back and loves him more, boy shatters girl's heart. It's all good stuff," I said with a teasing smile as I rolled my eyes at her. It hurt to talk about him, but at the same time it was nice to talk about him with someone who was not invested in some way with my relationship with Edward.

"Shut up! It is a great story and you are a wonderful story teller," she said as she shoved at my arm in a playful manner that made me laugh.

"You'll have to tell me how it ends," she said with a smile as and then drank from her beer once more.

"Oh, it's over," I replied back with a sigh and then finished off my beer.

"I don't think so. No great love story is ever that cut and dry," she said with a smirk and then helped me up since Jared was going to take me home. It wasn't it until I stood up that I could feel the alcohol in my veins making me sway a little.

On the car ride over Jared called Seth and he was waiting for me on the curb as Jared pulled up to help me back to my room.

Seth laughed as I nearly tumbled out of the car, and then teased me about drinking so much the entire way back to my room as he nearly carried me there.

Once inside I stripped down to change for bed which was no small task with a cast on and being half drunk, but I was not about to ask Seth for help. It took a while, but I was able to do it on my own.

Once I was settled into bed and the room was only slightly swaying I remembered to look over at my phone, which would be fully charged now. I discovered that there were 10 missed calls on the night of my accident as well as 10 messages waiting for me. They all were from Edward.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thank you for reading and thank you for your reviews. I am still struggling to get caught up on my responses so I hope you understand. Ok, I normally do not have a chance to write over the weekends since my hubby wants all my time,**He is so crazy about not wanting to share me, which is silly, but whatever : )** however I was able to write this quick in the morning since I am still wanting to push the story along. I think I will be able to start releasing the EPOV this weekend or maybe early next week. Once more, thank you all & I cannot tell you how much you all deserve a big hug from me for making this silly girl feel so special!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	37. The message

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight, I wish I did, but I don't.

I slept until late the next day and when I awoke my head throbbed. I could not think of the last time that I had been drunk. It would have been before Edward left me that was for sure.

Edward. I instantly thought of his messages. I was not sure I wanted to hear them since it didn't matter now. The baby was gone and I had nothing to tell him except for fuck off and I believe I told him that the night he dumped me in the Old Capitol Square. I decided at least for the moment that I would ignore the messages since nothing he had to say to me could change anything now.

I got up and got dressed. My classes were ending as we got closer to closer to Christmas now that the Thanksgiving break was done. I had studying to do if I wanted to pass and I plans to make if I was going to make some sort of appearance in Forks.

I spent the day at the library, only returning back to my room to retrieve a book that I left behind. It was at this visit back to my room that I discovered that I still had one of Emmett's text books for class. I hadn't seen him in weeks so how he was doing ok without it was beyond me.

Emmett. There as another problem all together. I understood that he put it all out there on the line when he told me that he had loved me since he was 14, but really what did he think I would say? He knew that I loved Edward. Did he think that I would say ok to the absurd idea of pawning Edward's child off as his? Did he really think that I was that weak that I would take such an easy out as agree to such a fucking lie?

The more I thought about it the more pissed I became. I was tired of the Cullen brothers treating me like I could not make it on my own. I have been functioning without them since they both left in such a big fashion. They both did not deserve my time or tears.

I decided that I would return his book to him. He may be coward and hide from me, but I was not scared of him, after all I had done thing wrong except love his brother.

I walked across campus to the bus stop. His dorm was much further away from mine so I took the bus until I was able to be dropped off in front of the building because my leg could not take much more of the walking.

I took the elevator up to his floor and then walked to his room. I knocked on his door and waited for him to appear. I could hear movement on the inside and then finally the door opened.

Emmett stood in front of the door wearing only his jeans and they were unbuttoned at the waist. His hair was messy and he was shirtless. He looked shocked to see me and then quickly turned the look into more of a smart ass smirk. I guess he was still pissed at me for not wanting him and it was getting old.

"Hey Bella," he said slowly and I just shoved his book out to him to take.

"Here's your book. You left it in my room, I thought that you would want it," I said to him without emotion.

"Oh, that's ok. I have been borrowing Veronica's book, haven't I baby?" he said in a teasing manner as a girl, Veronica I assumed stepped forward dressed in his jersey and nothing more. She was pretty with her blonde hair and blue eyes, but she seemed fake. She was a jersey chaser, it was obvious.

I rolled my eyes at his statement and he looked wounded as if he was hoping to upset me.

"Mom said you are coming home for Christmas. Do you think that is wise since Tanya will be there with Edward?" he asked with mock concern that made me want to punch his face.

I took a moment to breathe in a few times in hopes that it would dispel my anger. I knew that he was just trying to get to me. I knew that he was trying to make me mad. I knew that he was trying to hurt me because I had hurt him. It was stupid and childish and just so fucking Emmett that I wanted to scream over it.

"You know Em, I don't care, but what I will say is that jealousy doesn't suit you," I said and then turned to leave in a huff, but I couldn't since Em had grabbed my arm. He was holding me there with his tight grip. It surprised me.

"You think I am jealous?" he yelled at me so loud that I flinched from it. The sound of it made my ears hurt.

"I am not jealous. I just was trying to help poor Bella Swan since that is what my family seems called to do! Maybe if you could take care of yourself I wouldn't have to be around," he said with an angry mocking tone that shocked me.

"I am sorry that Edward fucked you over, but I told you that it would happen. I am done with you Bella. I am done trying to help you," he said in cold manner that made my blood run cold.

I wanted to tell him that it didn't matter, but I couldn't so I just stood there for a moment waiting for my words to return. When they still hadn't I jerked my arm free and walked away from him leaving him standing in the hall way with people staring at him from his outburst.

I left as quickly as I could and got on the next bus that would take me back to my dorm. I needed to be alone. Emmett had struck a nerve saying that Tanya would be there with Edward. He knew he would and it was that reason why I could not believe that she was with him. I could not believe that he was back with her, I just couldn't.

I finally made it back to my dorm room and closed the door. I had phone calls to make. I first arranged to come to Forks right after Christmas. I would stay with James and he was happy about that.

I called Esme who was upset that I refused to come home over Christmas, but accepted that I was not budging on it. We made plans to meet in Seattle on the 27th so I could see her before I left for the book tour.

I had gotten call from my agent Victoria telling me that I would meet up with another author, Riley Biers, and we would catch up with the other authors from there.

I looked back down at my phone once more. I looked at the 10 missed calls from the day of the accident and then discovered that I had 2missed calls a few days later from Edward as well as 2 more messages waiting for me from those calls. I guess he had stopped calling after that. I fought within myself over what to do about it and then decided that I needed to hear what he had to say so I very carefully, as if I was defusing a bomb, played the first message.

There was a silence at first and then a sad sigh to start out.

_Bella, uh… it's me… I just got your message from mom. I…uh…I'm glad y-you called. I needed to…. Uh…If this is about the ring…uh…it was a gift and I want you to have it….uh…fuck!…I'll call you back and we can talk….uh….yeah….bye._

I sat there on my bed as pain rolled over me. It hurt to hear his voice. My chest ached with the loss of my heart that he had destroyed so much so that I was nearly doubled over in pain from it. I had nearly forgotten what he sounded like or how he said my name.

I found myself crying as I held the phone in my hands. I couldn't hear from him now. It was too much so I closed out of the messages and told myself that some other day I would listen to them, to him, and see what else he needed to tell me since right now I just couldn't.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Hope you had a wonderful weekend! Mine was nice with the hubs and kids. I wanted to let you know that I have started the EPOV. It's called Betrayed & the fanfic # is 6221279. The first chapter is up. I promise that I will not beat a dead horse by rehashing Bella's story. This story will be Edward's memories of his time with Bella so they won't be the same unless it is needed. Once more, thanks for reading and reviewing! I am blown away by your kindness & by the totally awesome people that I have had the chance to get to know through reviews!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	38. The Good bye

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

The weeks passed and as they did I packed up my room. I was sending it back to Forks. I wasn't sure who I should send it too, either James or Esme. I was thinking James since he could store it in my old bedroom like he promised, plus then I would not have to deal with Emmett or Edward at all.

On my last day of classes I finished up quickly and then waited since I was meeting Leah. As I waited for her to call to say that she was on the way I heard a knock on my door. I opened the door and was surprised to find Seth standing there. He looked nervous for some reason.

"Hey Bella, I just wanted to say good bye before you left," he said with a smile on his face as he looked at me, but there was something off about it.

I invited him in and soon he was lounging on my bed, talking and laughing with me.

"Here, could you sign this?" he asked as he pulled out a copy of my book Breathless. I was shocked to see that he had it, but I tried to play it off as nothing as I grabbed the book and signed it for him.

"I read it. It was good. Do you think that you'll write a sequel?" he asked me as he gave me an easy smile that was so Seth.

"Uh, I don't know. I haven't found what I need to write again," I replied as I looked out the window. That statement was true, well, kind of true. I needed Edward if I was going to revisit the Preston and Cecelia love story. Since there was no Edward there was a pretty good chance that there would be no story.

"That's too bad," he mumbled as he looked out the window as if he was suddenly uncomfortable. What did he have to be uncomfortable about? He wasn't the one who lost their muse.

"Oh, hey are you going back to Forks?" he asked suddenly with a nervous smile as he caught my attention again.

"Uh, well…" I started out, but he cut me off.

"I mean, are you going back for the holiday?" he asked me clarifying what he meant.

"Uh, I'm not sure if I'll be in town for Christmas, but I will be in Seattle a few days afterward. I told Mrs. Cullen that I would see her before I left on tour," I replied, not wanting to give away too much under the odd chance that he would speak with Edward, even though I doubt if he would care.

"Oh, so you are going on the book tour?" he asked with a smile as he looked at me.

"Yeah, I'm going. It'll be interesting," I replied with a smile as I looked over at him. Seth still looked like he had something else to say, but he was cut off by my phone ringing. It was Leah announcing her arrival.

We said our good byes and he made me promise that if I was in Forks over Christmas that I would stop out to see him since he would be there as well. I agreed, but I had no intention of calling him.

Once I got outside Leah was waiting by the curb where the buses pull up.

"Hey girl! Are you happy that in a couple more weeks you can get your cast off?" she asked me with a smile. I was happy; as a matter of fact I was going to ask Carlisle to take it off before I left for the book tour around the 1st of the year.

We talked for a while and then Leah stopped in front of my favorite Mexican restaurant. We sat in the car for a moment before getting out.

"You know you'll be great on this tour," she told me with a smile. I needed to hear that since I was actually worried about it.

The thought of going from city to city, promoting my book scared the hell out of me. I wasn't sure that I could handle discussing Preston over and over again. I wasn't sure that I could handle the other authors, people I knew nothing about. I wasn't sure about anything anymore.

Maybe Emmett was right. Maybe I looked for people to save me? I didn't think so, but my perception was not always right.

We went in and ordered. It was nice. I talked with Leah about my fears. I told her that I wasn't even sure who I was any more. I had been floundering since losing Edward and then the baby. I felt like I wasn't whole, that I did not have enough in me to offer others.

Leah was kind and supportive like a friend should be. She reminded me that I knew exact who I was I. I just needed to trust my own voice and not listen to others.

"Hey speaking of others, you should know that Seth, well… Just be careful around him,' she said as she looked at me with a knowing look. I had no clue what she was talking about.

"Ok, I'll go slowly for you since you don't seem to understand. Seth is still talking with Edward," she said slowly as if I was mentally retarded.

"What!" I exclaimed as I looked at her in complete and utter shock.

"Yeah, I guess Edward will call him and check up on you. I told him that it was sick and-" she started to say with an eye roll, but I caught her off guard by interrupting her.

"You told who?" I demanded as held up my hand as if to stop her word flow.

Leah looked around us since people where staring at us now after my outburst.

"Would you calm the fuck down!" she whispered in a hushed tone as she eyed the crowd that was continuing to stare. I didn't care who was staring. I needed to know who she spoke to.

"I told Edward," she whispered as she looked at me and then motioned for the waiter to bring our check.

I was reeling inside at the idea that Edward was still lurking around. What the fuck did that mean? Was I to get my hopes up that he had somehow changed his mind? Was I to believe that this was some mistake? Or was it just as simple as Edward always wanting to control things? Did I even want him back?

I remained silent as we paid and then got in her care. I was still silent as she drove past where she would have to turn to take me back to my dorm.

"Where are we going?" I asked her in a voice that sounded dull even to my own ears.

"We are going back to my house. This conversation needs alcohol," she replied in a firm voice as if alcohol could help what she was going to tell me. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to hear it.

Once at her house we shooed Jared into the kitchen and settled in the front room with our beers in hand as Leah took a deep breath.

She told me how she stumbled upon the information that Seth still spoke to Edward after Thanksgiving. Seth had mentioned it by mistake when they were talking about me. I guess Leah had told Seth how I was dumbfounded by my book in the book store and Seth mentioned how Edward told him back in Forks that my book was in the window display back in the forks book store. He told her that Edward was freaked out by it.

Leah told Seth how wrong it was to be in the middle of it all and Seth said that he was just looking out for me as a favor to Edward. Edward was concerned over how I doing. Well, fuck Edward.

"I went over to Seth's dorm to yell at him and when I walked in he was on the phone with him. I took the phone away from Seth and found out he was talking with Edward. I told Edward that he was a pussy, a coward to leave like that, and that he needed to leave you alone. You didn't need him trying to manipulate things from over 2000 miles away. I told him that he made the decision to be without you so live it now and then I tossed the phone back at Seth before I left. I'm sorry Bella, I should have told you sooner," she said with a sad look on her face.

I couldn't fault Leah for not telling me. I wanted too, but I couldn't since I knew if the roles were reversed I didn't know if I would tell her. I thanked for defending me and then asked to be taken home. I needed to find Seth and rip him limb from limb.

Jared drove me back, but Leah went along with, all the while making me promise that I would keep in touch. I promised her I would and I meant it. Leah was a good friend and those are hard to find.

Once I was at my dorm I rode the elevator in silence to my floor.

My mind was going into over drive. Who the hell does he think he is? What the hell gives him the right to follow up on me? He dumped me! He left me! He had no right to check in on how I was doing!

By the time I reached Seth's door I had worked myself into a torrid volcano of anger and hate. I pounded on his door first before trying the handle. It was unlocked so I open the door and stood in his door way as I forced the door open with a hard smack. Seth stood in the middle of the room with his cell phone pressed to his ear and a shocked look on his face.

"B-B-Bella," he stuttered in surprise. He quickly took in the look of anger that must be on my face as he paled before me.

"You have no fucking right!" I yelled at him as he flinched at my words.

"You and him and telling and and… asshole!" I yelled as I stuttered in front of him, so angry that I could not form a clear sentence to tell him how pissed I was. Seth grimaced at my words.

"You can tell him that I am fine! You can tell him that he got what he wanted just like he always does!" I yelled as Seth stepped forward towards me as I stepped back from him, almost tripping over my walking cast in the process.

I quickly exited his door frame and then stumbled back to my room while Seth called for me to come back. I turned back towards him and in my childish rant I gave him the finger before closing my door.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and pressed the speed dial number for Edward. I hadn't called this number since the night I was in the accident. I was burning from the inside out from anger. I was bright orange in my hate for him at this moment.

I listened to it ring once and dared him to be a big enough man to answer it, but of course he did not. It went right to voice mail. It didn't matter. He was going to hear what I thought of him following up on me.

"Hello Edward. I bet you thought you were being so damn clever. I bet you laughed about it with your friends. I don't need you following up on me. I don't need your family running in to rescue me. You chose to be without me so be without!" I said with a hard edge in my voice that was breathless from my anger and then I hung up the phone. Fuck him!

There was knocking on my door. It was Seth. He could go to hell.

"Please Bella, let me explain," he said through my door, but I ignored him. I grabbed my IPod and put it on to drown out Seth's voice. I laid down on my bed, willing myself to calm down as I listened to the soothing music. I found sleep somehow that way.

I awoke in the morning to silence. I knew that I would have to avoid Seth until I left which was this afternoon so I was pretty sure I could do it. I grabbed my clothes and headed off to shower for the day.

Once back in my room I looked at my packed boxes with a sigh. I had been so hopeful for the future coming here. I had been so wrong over how my life would turn out once I was here. I took a deep breath and let it out. I had things to do today before leaving and being an emotional wreck was not on my list. I grabbed my jacket and left to complete my list of things to do.

I wasn't sure if I would be back in Iowa in the fall. I wasn't sure since I had no idea what the future for me held any more. Once upon a time I thought I had it all figured out and that I would get my love story complete with a happily ever after with my green eyed prince, but that dream was shattered so on to a new one, well, as soon as I figured out what that dream would be.

I made to the shopping district and stopped by the small flower shop on the corner that was so full of flowers that a person could barely walk through it. I bought two bouquets of lilies and then walked out. I first stopped by the window that I was thrown into during my accident.

The window had been replaced and everything looked as if nothing had every happened there, but I knew the truth. My life almost ended there. My child's left ended there. I left the one bouquet there under the store window in memory of that child that could have been and for my life that could have been as well.

I moved on to the Old Capitol steps were Edward had left me that night. I looked at the empty spot where he sat as he told me that he could not do our relationship any longer. It was cold and covered in snow and ice that had not been scrapped off of it. I left the other flowers there. There were to honor the memory of what was and what could have been between him and me.

Once I left the flowers I quickly returned to my room. I would only have a short amount of time before the movers would be there to gather my belongings for their trek back to Forks.

I felt better as I walked back inside. I was now at peace with leaving here. I know it sounded stupid, but I needed to do that. It was a way of saying good bye I guess.

I walked past Seth's closed door trying to be as silent as I could since I did want to deal with him and thankfully he did not notice me as I passed. The halls were quiet as people had already left for the winter break. I enjoyed the silence.

I walked closer to my room and noticed that there was person sitting on the floor by my door. My heart rose in my throat as I noticed that it was a guy, a long, lanky guy wearing jeans and a jacket with a beanie cap on that hid his hair. He wasn't looking at me so I couldn't see his face.

I walked slower since my heart was pounding as if it was going to pop out of my chest and flop around the hall. I had this insane fear that it was Edward waiting for me, especially after my voice mail message to him. I took a deep, steadying breath and then stepped closer as the guy turned to look at me with a startled look on his face. Looking back I would have to say that this was a life changing moment for me, however the jury is still out over whether it was a good or a bad moment.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Thank you for reading! I also wanted to thank you for reading Betrayed and giving it a chance. You all are awesome!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	39. Leaving Iowa

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I stopped as the guy turned to look at me. It wasn't Edward. It was a young guy, about my age or so it seemed. He stood up and gave me a friendly smile.

"Hey, uh, are you Isabella Swan?' he asked with uncertainty that almost made me want to laugh at him. I nodded my head slowly since I still had no idea who the hell this guy was...

"I'm Riley Biers. We are going on tour together and I thought, maybe I would travel back west with you before we had to show up in New York. You know, so we could get to know each other a bit," he offered as an explanation and then offered out his hand to shake.

I took his hand and shook it softly. It was large and warm. For a moment I felt safe as I touched him.

"Please call me Bella," I offered as I opened the door to my room to let him in. It was with that action that I knew things were about change for me.

Riley walked in and sat down on my bare bed. I explained that I was waiting on the movers as I motioned towards the boxes around us. I offered Riley a soda that I still had and with that we began to talk.

I discovered that Riley was another up and coming author. He had written a sci-fi book that was receiving accolades.

"I mean, it's not as hot as your book, but it's getting there," he teased as he sat there. It was at that time that I discovered that my book was climbing up the charts. People were reading my book and falling in love with the characters. It was shocking to me.

We talked some more and as we sat there until the movers showed up and carried away what was my life here in Iowa City. I looked at Riley. He was tall, long, and lanky, like Edward. He had light brown hair that stood up all in disarray. He had a beautiful face with a straight nose, a nice chin, and dimples when he smiled and bright blue eyes that shined with a mischievous gleam. He was good looking and it was obvious.

We left for the Cedar Rapids air port and I discovered that he was going with me back to Forks, which only left me wondering why he would want to do that.

"Ok, so out with it what is going on here?" I asked him as we sat in the back of the cab together. He looked at me skeptically for a moment and then let out a deep breath.

"Fine. I was asked to check in with you to make sure that you were going," he said with a soft sigh as if I had caught him committing a crime.

I felt my blood run cold and all I could think of was Edward. If Edward had asked him or paid him or whatever to check on me I was going to kill this guy right here in the back of the cab with the driver as witness.

"Who asked you?' I managed to stutter out as I stared at him with what had to be a look of horror on my face.

"Vickie or Victoria I guess is what you call her," he said with a baffled look as he shrugged his shoulders as if it was no big deal. I had been around lies recently to know I lie when I saw one so I asked him what was really going in.

Riley finally came clean then telling me that Victoria was sure that I would back out of the tour so Riley was sent to charm me into going.

"I don't think that you could charm me into going," I replied with an eye roll that caused him to laugh. He had a nice laugh too.

"Oh, don't be so sure about that Bella," he teased as he laughed seductively at me. Riley was really handsome, but there was nothing for me there. I felt no fluttering or electricity like I did with Edward. It kind of made me sad. Maybe I was broken beyond repair when it came to other guys.

Riley traveled with me back to Washington. On the way back home I discovered that he was from Vancouver so he wasn't too far away from home either.

The moment we landed back in Seattle I felt the world shift for me. I _felt _like I was at home. I smiled as I noticed that it was raining, cold, icy rain.

We walked out and gathered our luggage. I kept telling Riley that I did not need a baby sitter, I would show up in New York for the tour, but he stayed with me anyway.

"I know you don't, but I don't have any where to go so…" he said in a nervous voice that surprised me a little. I looked over at him and discovered that he looked a little hurt.

"You wanna talk about it?" I asked him as we walked towards the area where we could get a cab.

"Not now, maybe later," he offered with a smile and then we stepped out into the air.

I took a deep breath and smiled. It was home. All I could think that was _I am home, I am home._ I stepped off the curb for a moment letting the rain fall on me.

"What are doing?" Riley called as he stayed under the awning to stay dry.

"I'm getting my welcome back kiss from Seattle," I teased as I lifted my face up so the rain could land on my face. I could hear Riley laugh as I stood there with my eyes closed soaking in as the rain hit my face.

"You're a weird one Bell Swan," He called as he stood there waiting for me.

Once I was done playing in the rain I ran back to where Riley waited for me. I told him that I was staying in Seattle tonight and then going back to Forks tomorrow. I was trying to put off being there I guess.

We left together to the Marriott that I had booked for the night. Riley was fairly quiet and kept checking his phone as if he was waiting on a phone call, but I did not ask him.

"So, this is kind of your town show me around,' he demanded like he was a king after we both got settled in our rooms. I was more than happy to go all touristy with him there.

It was nice to show another person why I loved this town. I showed him all the touristy locations and by the end of the day he agreed that Seattle was pretty awesome.

Riley allowed me to pick the dinner restaurant since I was familiar with Seattle so once we were settled in a burger joint that I loved I looked over at him and waited for his story.

"Ok, I'll tell you about me, if you tell me about you," he replied with a soft smile.

"What do you mean?" I asked him suddenly nervous about the question.

"Well, obviously I'm not the only one running here. So, I'll tell you what I am running from if you tell me what you are running from," he said with a wave of his hand.

"I'm not running," I replied irritated that he was implying that I would run from anything even if I would.

"Then why are we here and not at your home in Forks?" he countered back with an evil grin. The asshole had me there.

I took a deep breath. I did not want to talk about Edward or Emmett or the cluster fuck that had become my private life. I did not want to admit to another person that I had once more been left behind by a person whom I thought loved me. I was not sure if I could even tell him about it.

"Fine, I'll tell you, but you go first," I replied in a huff.

Riley started to tell me about his life. He told me that he had a wonderful childhood and great parents. He had an amazing extended family with family friends. I could not see why he was not with them since it was Christmas time and then he told me.

"I fell in love with my mom's best friend. We had an affair. Her husband, who was always like a father to me, found out," he said with a sad smile.

"How did he find out?" I asked sadly since I could not imagine such a scene.

"Well, he walked in on me having sex with his wife on his kitchen table," he said softly with a guilty look. I wanted to be shocked, but yet I wasn't.

"It caused them to get a divorce and now my mom is not talking to me or Rachel, that's my mom's friend," he finished off slowly as he looked over at me, waiting for my reaction.

I stared at him for a moment and then I found myself laughing like a heartless fool.

"What you think my pain is funny? My mom is pissed at me," he said in an irritated tone that made me laugh more since he sounded more like a sad little boy than the 20 year old man that he was.

"I'm sorry Riley. I lost it there. It's not right for your mom to be so mad," I said with a smile to him as he rolled his eyes at me.

"Well, actually it is right for her to be mad at me and Rachel. I'm just giving her time to cool down that's all,' he said and then motioned for me to go.

I tried to explain what happened and he listened to me with a blank face. When I finished telling him everything, including the baby he continued to look at me blankly.

"That sucks Bella, flat out sucks," he replied with a sigh as he gave me a sad smile.

"Well. At least we have each other right?" he asked as he looked over at me with a happier smile. I nodded in agreement, finding myself happier than I had been in a while.

**AN:**

**Hello! Thank you all for reading and for reviewing! I heart you all!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	40. Esme

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

We spent a couple of days in Seattle since Riley enjoyed the sights and I was in no hurry to go back to Forks. It was nice to get to know someone who did not know Edward or Emmett. It was refreshing to say the least to hear another person's opinion about the mess that I called my private life and Riley had opinions concerning it.

As we approached the weekend, Riley informed me that his dad was coming to see him for the holiday. I had asked about his mom and he said that she still refused to talk to him, but it was a good sign that she was back to talking with her former best friend. I told him that was messed up. His mom should be talking to him not the woman, but he was just happy that Rachel had someone to talk to again even if it cost him his mom. Riley was an awesome guy.

We made plans for the holiday since he was going to spend it with me in Forks. After talking with James it was decided that we would have a Mexican themed Christmas with tacos and margaritas and we would spend all of Christmas Day recovering. James told me that he had to work Christmas Eve night as well as all day Christmas so whatever I wanted I could have. He was just generous that way.

I left Riley alone since his dad would be in the hotel restaurant soon to meet him. He looked a nervous, but over all happy that his dad was making the effort to see him even if his mom was not. I told him that I would be close by shopping for Christmas since I had yet to have bought anyone a gift.

I walked around the small shops thinking of who I actually had to buy for this year. I would buy for James since he was being so kind to let me stay and I guess I could get something for Riley since he was with me. I thought over whether or not to buy for the Cullen's and decided that I would. Even if I was not in Edward's life any more or Emmett's for that matter I would always want some connection with Carlisle and Esme.

It was with that thought that I went to look for their gifts. I wandered aimlessly for a while before I stumbled into an antique store it was there that I found an antique medical textbook. I was sure that Carlisle did not have it so I grabbed that as well as the antique stethoscope that they had for him there.

I continued on with my shopping and kind of lost track of time as I did. I had just stopped to buy a coffee when I heard a voice call to me from behind. I turned my head fully expecting to find that the person was calling some other Bella, but instead found Esme standing before me.

She looked the same. Her caramel colored hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and her face looked a little tense, but she looked the same. I looked into her blue eyes and found then filled with tears as she looked at me.

"Bella?" she asked if she wasn't sure if it was me or not.

"Esme, it's so good to see you," I replied in a soft voice as I gave her a smile. She instantly wrapped me in a hug that almost threw me off balance since I still had my cast on.

I laughed as she hugged me tightly. She smelled like cookies, home and wintertime. I had forgotten what wonderful hugs she would give. I squeezed her back happily as I laughed. When she pulled back to look at me I could see where a few tears had escaped and were no running down her face.

"Bella, you've lost too much weight," she said sadly as she still held me somewhat. I knew I had lost some weight, but I didn't think I looked that bad.

"Well, you know, I guess that is better than the freshman 15," I tried to tease, but the joke fell flat as she looked at me with concern.

She shook her head at me and muttered something, but I could not tell what she said. She asked if I could sit for a while and if she could join me. I agreed to both and found a seat within the coffee shop to wait while she placed her order.

When she came back she told me of being in town for Christmas shopping. She was making light conversation as if she was stalling somehow. I watched her pull out her phone and text someone as we chatted about nothing really.

It was an odd conversation since we talked about nothing of importance. She asked about my cast and I told her that Carlisle would take it off before I left on tour. She asked about my classes and I told her that I was still able to do just fine in them even with all the things that happened this semester. She asked if we were still on for our get together on the 27th, which I promptly agreed to.

It was after that agreement that she asked me to come home once more. She promised that everything would be fine. She told me that she could not bear for me to be alone on the holiday. It broke my heart in a way to see her upset by my lack of being there, but there was no way I could be in the same room with either of her sons at the moment.

"I can't come home right now Esme, I hope you understand. Maybe some other holiday, but not this one," I replied to her as gently as I could. It wasn't Esme's fault over what happened between Edward and me or even Emmett and me.

"I understand. I just wish…"she said with soft sigh that sounded wistful to me.

"I know," was all I could reply with it. It was in that awkward moment that I heard the bell on the door open and someone approach our table. I looked up to find Riley standing there with a big smile on his face.

"I thought that was you!" he exclaimed happily as sat down by me. Esme seemed started by him and his presence at our table.

"Esme this is Riley Bier, one of the other authors on the tour. Riley this is Esme Cullen, a mother figure to me," I replied as I introduced them and they shook hands.

Riley was quite charming with her and as I watched I discovered that he was flirting with her. Esme seemed to be enthralled with him and would blush as he would compliment her. It was quiet funny.

After a few awkward moments like this Esme announced that she needed to go, and hugged me before walking out of the store. Before she left she told me that she would call over Christmas no matter what I wanted her do and I was glad that she still cared enough about me to insist on that.

Once she was gone I stood up and looked at Riley as I motioned for him to go. He had a big goofy grin on his face as he stood up.

"You're a cougar hunter huh?" I teased as we walked out into the cold.

"What? Esme is a lovely woman," he replied innocently as we walked into the shopping district once more. I broke out laughing at his ridiculous attempt to down play him flirting with her.

"You know, she's married," I said with a laughed as we walked into a store.

"Yeah, well, that never stopped Rachel," he countered back with an evil grin before telling me how hot he thought my mother figure was. I reminded him that she had children almost his age which only made him laugh.

"That just means that she's experienced. Older women know what they want in bed and are happy to show you how to please them," he said with a light laugh in his voice.

We walked and as we did I could not help but to feel like we were being followed.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Thanks for reading! I am working on the next chapter where Bella is back in Forks and a possible run in with one of the Cullen Brothers.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**Xxoo**


	41. Forks

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

We spent the rest of the day shopping and it was nice, even if I did feel like I was being followed. Riley had managed to talk his dad into meeting us for dinner and I was excited to him.

We met up a fancier restaurant forcing me to get dressed up in a skirt and nice blouse. I had not dressed up in forever and was forced into having to buy something while Rile y told me that I would need it anyway for the tour. I guess he was right so I tried not to complain too much.

When we walked in I instantly knew who Mr. Biers was. He looked like Riley. He had light brown hair that was slightly graying at the temples and a handsome face that I had no doubt still turned some heads in his direction.

Dad, this is Bella Swan, the author of Breathless. Bella this is my dad Stephen Biers," Riley said with smile as we shook hands.

I discovered that Mr. Biers was quite the flirt as well so this must be where Riley gets it from. He flirted shamelessly with me all through dinner to the point where I think that Riley was becoming uncomfortable.

"Jesus, dad," he said with a sigh as he looked over at me with an apologetic smile.

"I'm not doing anything but enjoying the company of a lovely young lady," Mr. Biers said with a teasing smile in my direction. He really was handsome and maybe if I was a normal girl I would be all over that flirting, but I just could only shake my head at him with a smile.

The rest of the night went that way until Mr. Biers dropped us off at the hotel, but not before making some innuendo alluding to the fact that Riley and I would sex. I wanted to add that sure that would happen if I was 39 not 19, but I didn't instead I just snickered to myself which caused Riley to roll his eyes at me.

Riley walked me back to my room, all the while apologizing for his father, even though I told him all was fine. It was kind of nice to be flirted with since it had been forever since I had been.

"A beautiful girl like you should be flirted with daily," Riley said in a flirty manner that made me blush as we stood by my door saying good night.

The next morning we picked up our rental car and headed out to Forks. I drove since I knew where we were going. It was odd to drive back. The last time I had traveled these roads I was at Edward's side so to return now without him was different.

It took about an hour, but we made it into Forks. I felt my chest constrict in my chest as we drove down Main Street. I could feel the start of a panic attack settling in as I stopped at the one stop light in town.

"So, this is your home town huh?" he asked as he looked around.

"Yes, it's small, but it is home," I replied with a slight smile. I started to feel dizzy as we sat there.

"Are you ok?" he asked as he looked over at me with a concerned look.

"No," I replied as I looked him. Riley had me pull over and we traded spots. He followed my directions until we showed up in front of the police station. Once we were parked there he looked over at me as if he was waiting for me to make a move or something.

"Give me just a moment," I said softly and then got out of the car. I looked up at the gray sky, it wasn't raining, but it wanted to, I could tell and for that I smiled.

We walked into the police station and looked for James since he had texted and said that he was there. I felt all these eyes on me as the other police officers stared at me. I hadn't seen half of these people since my dad's funeral. I looked over at Riley and could see that he was uncomfortable which caused me to smile a bit since he had the most horrible look on his face. He looked as if he was lost or something.

"It's ok. They are just curious. I haven't seen these people since my dad died," I whispered to him as we walked to where James was in the back. Riley nodded his head that he understood, but he still looked scared.

"Bella!" I heard James exclaim as he stood up form a desk to greet me. I introduced James to Riley and as they shook hands I noticed that Riley relaxed a little. We only spoke a short while with the promise of talking more tonight before James sent me on my way to the house with a key in hand.

It was odd to pull up in front of my old house and know that do not live there. What was even odder was that I really had no where to call home so I shared this thought with riley who understood completely since he living that way too.

He parked and then we went in. I was surprised to see how little James had down with the place. The walls were the same color and he was using some of the same furniture that was my dad's. It felt wrong and completely overwhelming, but I managed to move past the front room to the upstairs where my bed room was.

I opened the door and discovered that everything was the same as if James hadn't touched it. I was kind of glad about that even though it was kind of creepy. James had told me that he hadn't found the time to change much and I guess he was right since everything was the same.

I looked around the room and then sat down on the bed. The boxes of my dad's journals were still there where I left them after the last time I was here. I looked over at the bed since the last time I was here Edward was with me. He had been amazing during my dad's death, too bad he didn't stay that way.

"Hey are you up there?" Riley yelled as he I heard him on the steps. I quickly left the room and went down stairs. It was about lunch time and there was not much to eat at James's house so I told him that we could got to the dinner and then buy what was needed for Christmas Eve at the grocery store. Riley seemed happy about this so it was with that thought that we left for the dinner.

The dinner was located in the middle of town and I really should have thought it through since it would be packed. It was the 23rd and everyone would be home from school there was a pretty good chance I would see people that I knew. Who was I kidding, of course there would be there people there I know.

We parked the rental car and walked in. I kind of felt like I was walking into a time warp, except this time there was no Cullen brother at my side.

The dinner looked the same, but I guess it was unreasonable to think that it would change in the 4 months that I had been gone. As we walked towards the tables to take a seat I could feel everyone's eyes on us in the room. It was almost unbearable.

"Jesus," Riley said nervously and then looked around the room, while I only focused on him, avoiding the stares of the others.

Sarah, who had been a waitress there for as long as I could remember came and took our order. She made small talk mentioning my book and the fact that I was famous, which really I wasn't.

"Oh my god! It's Bella Swan!" I heard a high pitched scream come from behind me. I looked over to see Jessica Stanley bounding towards me at high speed. I barely had time to brace for impact when her body slammed into mine in what was supposed to be a hug.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Bella! Bella! Bella!" she chanted as she hugged me like we were long lost friends. I guess we were kind of friends. She was one of Edward's friends that we hung out with.

"Bella, I read your book and oh my god! It was so good!" she said with a smile. I thanked her politely and then moved over so she was not sitting on top of me. I looked over at Riley who had a silly smile on his face, truly enjoying the show that was occurring before him of me being uncomfortable with her. Jessica noticed me looking at him and back up a little.

"I heard that you and Edward broke up," she said and then looked over at Riley with an appraising look. She looked back at me and gave me a wink as if she approved causing Riley to break out laughing like an idiot.

"Jessica Stanley this is Riley Biers. He is the author of Poison and will be on the authors' tour that I am set to go on as of the 1st of the year. Riley this is Jessica Stanley, we went to high school together," I offered as an explanation to Riley who was trying not to laugh.

I watched as Riley worked his flirting magic on Jessica until she was a puddle of giggles at our table. She stayed with us during lunch, only leaving when we announced that we had to go.

"Are you proud of yourself?" I asked him teasingly as we walked to the grocery store that was across the street.

"Yeah, absolutely," he said with a smile as he nudged me with his shoulder as we walk in. He knew I was teasing about Jessica, but really it was kind of amazing to watch him be so smooth with women. I wasn't used to it so I loved to watch him flirt.

The grocery store was small and as soon I as motioned towards the liquor aisle Riley cursed saying we should have picked up the tequila in Seattle but went off to see what they had any way. I grabbed a cart and started to fill it with what was needed for a Mexican feast as well as what I needed to make breakfast pizza and cinnamon rolls for Christmas morning. Esme always made breakfast pizza and cinnamon rolls so I wanted to carry on that tradition even if I wouldn't be with her Christmas morning.

I walked lazily through the store grabbing what I needed until I felt eyes upon me. I looked around and could see no one at first. I suddenly became all paranoid that it was Edward.

He had always in the past had a knack of follow me and I was in no mood to run into him now. I looked in my cart and once I was sure that I had everything I would need for the next 2 days I started towards the cashier. There was a line of people since there were others there trying to last minute grocery shop just like me so I had no choice but to wait there.

Riley came up from behind and added the bottle of tequila to our cart before dashing off to get limes since I had forgotten all about them. I waited for his return and as I did I started to twitch with nerves.

"What is wrong with you? You look like you are about to go into spasms or something," Riley said with a snicker as he put the limes and a few other things that he had grabbed in the cart.

"I don't know. I feel like someone is staring at me," I whispered as I tried to keep my head down.

"Yeah, well, you should since almost everyone in this place is staring at you. Did you know that they are selling your book here? They also have mine here too which is awesome since obviously the town folk have wonderful taste," he joked, but I could not find it in me to laugh. He looked at me and then looked around once more.

"Hey, calm down," he said with a smile while trying to get me to look at him, but I refused. When Riley noticed that I refused to make eye contact he started to tell me how hot he thought the cashier was which made me laugh since it was Mrs. Stanley, Jessica's mom.

We finally made it up to the front of the line and Mrs. Stanley instantly wanted to know about Edward and my break up. I was about to change the subject when Riley started to flirt with her. He flashed her his dimples and his shiny smile so she soon forgot all about the hot gossip that was my break up with the Cullen boy as she referred to him as.

We walked back out to the car and as we did Riley marveled over how interested this town was in my love life.

"It's a small town and there really isn't anything else to talk about," I commented back as I put some of the bags in the trunk of the car.

"Still makes no sense," he said with a shrug as he closed the trunk leaving us standing there. I started to walk to the passenger's door since Riley was driving back when Riley stopped me with his words.

"Hey Bella, who are the guys that are staring sat us like we just stole something," Riley asked as he stood there with a curious look on his face. I followed his line of sight to find three men standing by a black car staring in our direction. I would know them anywhere since it was Carlisle, Emmett and Edward.

**An:**

**Thank you for reading! I am already at work on the next chapter so….. Until then!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	42. First sight

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight

I staggered a little as I stepped towards the car. I could feel his eyes on me and I instantly felt sick to stomach. I looked over at Riley who stood there looking at me confused and for that one moment in time I wished that the earth would open up and swallow me whole.

I looked back over to where the Cullen's were standing and noticed that Carlisle waved. I had a just a few seconds to decide what to do. I could either make a run for it in the car or I could be the adult and actually speak to them. My gut reaction was to make a run for it, but I knew if I did that I would run from them for the rest of my life so I took a steadying breath and raised my hand to wave back.

"Who are they and why is the one guy staring at you like you are about to burst into flames?" Riley teased as he looked over at them as gawked.

I thought of all the things I could say to all of them. I thought of every mean nasty thing that had been said to be by either Edward or Emmett. I thought of all the tears I had cried over Edward. I thought of our lost child and how coldly he left me.

My chest started to hurt and I found myself starting to hyperventilate. I would not lose it in front of them. Emmett had talked about his family having to rescue me and I would not give them one more opportunity by failing now.

I looked over at Riley and told him to get in the car. I looked back at the Cullen men. They were walking slowly towards me. Edward had a horrified look on his face as if he had seen a ghost. I guess in way he had. I never bothered to look at Emmett. I didn't care what he looked like. I just got in the car instead.

"Let's go," I said and then looked out the window at them.

Riley had to drive right past them to get out of the parking lot. I looked at them and my eyes locked with Edward's as if time was standing still. He looked tired and lost. His eyes looked empty as he looked at me. He had his mouth open as if he was going to say something or maybe it was shock, but we were leaving so I wouldn't get the chance to know which it was.

I looked back as we drove away to find Edward standing alone in the parking lot watching us go. He looked shocked and possibly hurt as his eyes locked with mine. I wanted to laugh at him, but it just hurt too much still so I looked away instead.

"You want to tell me what that was all about?" Riley asked as he drove back to my old house. I couldn't say anything at first, but then finally I took a deep breath and managed to find my words.

"That was Edward," I replied simply as I looked out the window at the houses we passed until he finally stopped in front of mine.

Riley didn't get at first, but when it finally dawned on him what I was saying he shook his head.

"He looks like he's not doing so well," he said simply as he opened his car door to get out. At his words I found myself instantly pissed.

"Why does it matter how he's doing? He's the one that left! He's the one that caused the break up not me! What the does it matter if he's not doing well?" I asked, demanding to know why Edward was so damn special that every person seemed to care that he was doing crappy.

Riley looked at me startled by my outburst.

"Ok, let me preface that with saying for the person who did the breaking up he looks like shit," he stated and as I opened my mouth to yell at him once more he stopped me.

"Bella, he broke up with you. He's the one who should like fine not you. He should look possibly embarrassed to see you since we all do after seeing an ex, but he shouldn't look like he wants to run after the car you are in and beat the shit out of me," Riley said as I rolled my eyes at him.

"He did not look like he wanted to beat the shit out of you," I said back as I looked at him as I walked inside leaving the groceries for him to carry in.

"Yeah, he did," he called as I opened the door for him.

I spent the rest of the evening trying not to think about Edward, but no matter what I did I could not avoid him. Everywhere I looked in my house I could see him. It was too full of memories.

I stepped outside as the sky turned black and sat on the porch. I thought of my dad. I was back in town and I had not been to the cemetery yet. I needed to stop by and place flowers on his grave. I needed to just get the hell away from here.

I sat there getting lost in my thoughts not noticing that the car that drove slowly by. It was at that time that it dawned on me. My story would continue. I could take my pain and turn it into something just like I always had. I ran back inside, ignoring Riley as he sat watching TV, and grabbed my lap top.

I sat on the porch typing pouring the thoughts out of my head into the computer file. It was numbing and nice for a moment, but soon I was crying as I started to detail the break up between Cecelia and Preston. When I could not take it any more I saved my work and came back inside.

My head was throbbing and I knew that I would not be able to sleep tonight since my thoughts where now all focused around the break up scene that I had with Edward. I wanted to capture the pain and the heartache that I felt as Edward gutted me on those steps.

I may not be able to fix my own life every well, but I could take Cecelia and have her rise from the ashes of her failed relationship. I could make her stronger, better, wiser from all of the pain that Preston leaves her with. I could do that.

I said a quick good night to Riley after making sure that he was settled on the couch and then went up to my room. I looked at my bed and I could still see Edward sitting there, arms open, inviting me into his embrace. I shook my head to clear the image.

It was hard being back in Forks, much harder than I thought I would be. I told myself that it was only a few days and that I could survive, but as I laid there wide awake I was not sure.

I got up and grabbed my bag. I took some pain reliever with sleep aid since I could not find the sleep I needed. It was not long before the haze of sleep found me, drifting me off to sweet dreams of when Edward was still mine.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Here is a short update for you and I will have another POV to add here in just a moment. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo **


	43. The visit Riley POV

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Riley POV

I watched Bella as she sat on the porch typing. She was interesting. I could see how that guy had become so wrapped up in her. She was beautiful and smart. She had a great laugh, but such a sad look in her big brown eyes.

When Victoria had sent me off to charm Bella to make sure she was going on the tour I had told her that the idea was insane, but Vickie assured me that it would be needed. She had told me to spare nothing, to fuck her if needed to, which I thought was a little crass, but it was Vickie and Vickie was all about what was good for the business, not what was good for the person. When I met Bella I could see a kindred spirit more than anything and I knew that I couldn't be as deceptive as what Vickie wanted.

Bella was too trusting. She honestly believed in people and it was that thought that everyone had some sort of goodness in them that hurt her time every time. I knew that Vickie would take advantage of that if she hadn't already. I knew that Vickie had been back here talking to Bella's adoptive family when Bella wasn't here so trying to persuade them into talking her into going on the tour since at the time she was refusing to. All I know about that trip was that when she came back she just told me that all was set to go and I would meet up with Bella in December. I had no idea what she worked out with them and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know since Vickie could be quite cut throat when she needed to be.

I went back to pretending to watch TV as Bella came back in say good night. It was obvious that she had been crying, but I wasn't going to why. It wasn't my business even if I was dying to know what had upset her so. Bella was a sweet girl and I was not heartless by a long shot to the pain that she was going through since it was true about Rachel.

Once I was sure that she was settled in bed I grabbed my cell phone and made my phone call like I did every night.

"Hey baby, how was your day?" Vickie said in a raspy sexy voice that got me every time. I found myself smiling as I sat there listening to her.

"Oh, honey, did I miss you," I murmured as I pulled out the picture I had of Vickie from our stay at her place in New York. Victoria wasn't just my agent she was also girlfriend and I missed her terribly while I was apart from her.

"I bet. Wasn't our sweet girl being nice to you?" she teased as she laughed a little seductively with a breathy sigh that made me shudder a bit in delight.

"Oh, Bella was great. We are back in her hometown. It was going fine until we saw her ex," I offered to her so she would know that nothing else was going on between Bella and me. Vickie was a bit jealous of younger women, but she had nothing to fear since I only had eyes for her.

"He didn't talk to her did he?" Vickie asked me with an excited concern that surprised me.

"What does it matter if he talked to her or not?" I asked her surprised by her response.

"Well, I don't want him messing up the tour," she tried to offer as an explanation, but I could see that she was lying to me. There was more to it than that; I knew it just by her reactions.

"Why do you care Vickie? You normally don't care, what's with the change?" I asked her and was greeted with silence. There was something wrong about this. I could feel it.

"Riley, sweet heart, don't worry about it. You just make sure that she gets to California to meet up with the others," Vickie said with an edge to her voice that confirmed that there was more to the story than what she was willing to share.

"You know Vic, Bella is a nice girl and-" I started out but stopped as I heard move ment outside.

"I got to go," I said irritated with her and then hung up the phone. I was in no mood for phone sex with her after her lying to me like that any way.

I got up off the couch and looked outside. At first I could not see anything, but then I noticed a person sitting on the porch. I knew that this was a small town and that there should not be that much crime going on here, but most horror movies are also set in a small town so I looked around for a weapon before I opened the door. I found a baseball bat right by the door and I grabbed it as I opened the door to see who was out there.

"Who's there?" I called as I stepped out on the porch, hopefully looking more intimidating that I sounded and was meet with a sarcastic laugh.

"Who are you?" the voice asked with a menacing edge to it that I did not like.

I stepped closer as I thought of how my body would be found in the woods in the morning after this guy was done with me, but just as I did I saw who was sitting there. It was Edward, Bella's Edward.

"Uh, I'm Riley Biers-" I said, but Edward cut me off.

"I know who you are," he slurred, it was obvious that he had been drinking. I looked closer and saw that he was only wearing a t-shirt, jeans and shoes, no jacket even though it was cold as hell out.

"Why are you with Bella?" he asked as he twisted something between his fingers that was attached to a leather cord around his neck.

"Uh, the tour coming up_" I started to say, but he cut me off once more.

"Do you watch her favorite movies with her? Do you hold her when she's scared? Do you-" he started to drunkenly ramble, but I stopped him.

"Bella and I aren't together like that. We just met," I told him, unsure of where he was going with his thoughts.

"Listen man, we need to get you in somewhere. It's cold and you don't have a jacket on," I said as I stepped forward towards him. He looked up at me with a lost look in his eyes.

I looked back at the house. There was no way I was about to take him in there. I wouldn't do that to Bella. She was upset enough tonight after seeing him from a distance so I could not imagine what she would do if she saw him drunk and rambling like this.

"Hey buddy, let's get you home," I said as I offered him a hand to help him up. Edward eyed me suspiciously for a moment and then took my hand. I looked around and quickly deduced that he had walked here.

I closed the door to the house and then helped him into the car. He seemed to sink into the seat as I as walked around to the driver's side.

"It smells like her in here," he slurred sadly as he looked out the window towards the house where a sleeping Bella laid tucked up in her room.

I had to ask him where I was going since I had no idea where this guy lived. It took a while since I was getting directions from a drunken guy, but I was able to figure out where I needed to go to get him home.

I helped him out of the car and up the steps to his front door where a very concerned Mrs. Cullen greeted us with the door open.

I waited for her to say something to Edward, but she didn't she just looked at him with tears in her eyes as she shook her head and then directed me upstairs since Edward was leaning against me now for support.

We walked up the stairs together with me practically dragging him there. While I dragged him all I could think about was why did he break up with her if it killed him so much that she was gone.

"Man, why did you do it?" I asked him as we walked slowly. Edward looked at me confused.

"Why did you break up with her?" I asked as he cringed at my words.

"I had to. I was told it would be best. I never wanted to be the one holding her back," he mumbled as he swayed.

"I was told some bullshit about, you know, if you love someone set them free and they'll come back, but it all a fucking lie. She's not coming back," he slurred as I dragged him into the room that Esme pointed to. It was a bedroom that was slightly messy with boxes and some clothes on the floor.

I flopped Edward down on his bed and as I did he sighed for just a moment as if the softness of the bed was already lulling him into a drunken sleep. I watched him tug on the leather cord that was tied around his neck until he produced a small ring that was on it.

"She gave back her ring. She sent me away. She wouldn't let me apologize. She wouldn't let me explain. She doesn't love me anymore," he said in sad drunken whisper as he looked at a small emerald ring that he held between his finger and thumb.

"Hey, man, I don't know about that," I offered as I stuttered to him, uncomfortable to be there since this guy was in pain. It was then that Edward seemed to remember that I was standing there since as he looked at me his dull, drunken eyes started to blaze a little bit.

"Do you love her like I love her? Do you tell her that every day?" he asked me in a demanding tone as looked at me.

"I don't love her. She's a nice girl, but we aren't together like that," I said as he looked at me funny.

"We are just going on tour on together, that's all. I was told by Vickie-" I started to say but then Edward cut me off with a laugh as I mentioned Vickie's name.

"Victoria, of course," he mumbled with a laugh as he started to fall asleep. I slowly left his room and headed back down stairs to leave.

"Uh, Riley right?" Mrs. Cullen asked as I found her sitting on the steps waiting for me.

"Thanks for your help. Edward's been having a rough go of it," she said softly as she looked forward, away from me. I couldn't say anything since it was it was just too uncomfortable. I just nodded and left to go back to Bella's house.

I wasn't sure what I would say to Bella about this encounter with her ex-boyfriend, but I would come up with something. I was back in the call when my phone rang. It was Vickie.

I explained to her what happened and she listened quietly as I told her all about what Edward said. Once I was done I waited to get her opinion over what to do.

"I don't think you should tell her. I think it will upset her," Vickie said very matter of factly. I wasn't dumb, I knew that this would upset her, but I think she needed to know and I told Vickie that.

"Fine tell her, but wait until after the tour. I need her on the tour promoting her book. You can do that for me can't you Riley? I'll make it worth your while," she said teasingly, knowing that I was obsessed with her. It really wasn't a fair fight. I agreed that I would wait until after the tour after all what difference would 12 weeks make?

**AN:**

**Hello all! I hope that this answers some questions for you! Thanks for reading!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	44. The party

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; however I did just buy the book The Hunger Games. It looks good.

I awoke the next morning before dawn. I had story burning inside me needing to get out. Cecelia wanted to bend my ear and tell me about her life now that Preston had left her. I was consumed with my need to write. I grabbed my lap top and just started writing from where I left off last night.

I kept writing and soon I looked up to discover that it was mid morning. I stopped long enough to shower and get dressed before riley came to see what was going on. He looked tired, but he greeted me happily.

"Hey, I was thinking last night," he said softly as he looked at me and then paused as he collected his thoughts.

"Have you ever talked to Edward over what happened?" he asked me as if he was approaching a dangerous topic and he was.

"No, I'm not sure I want to hear it," I replied with a sad smile.

"I think you should," he said with a sigh as he looked out the window, avoiding my gaze. I nodded that I would think about it, but I couldn't right now. I couldn't listen t Edward tell me how he changed his mind or if he actually cheated.

I went on from my conversation from there with riley. James left for work and we were left alone once more, but this time it was Christmas Eve. I told myself I had tacos to make and a celebration to plan, however my heart wasn't it. I missed Esme. I missed her party. I missed everything that was home to me. I missed Edward.

I tried to refocus on the fact that there was a party all of my own to throw as I pulled out the food and started to cook while taking short breaks so I could write in between.

"So, what are you writing?" Riley asked as I sat at the table typing away on my lap top.

"Uh, I am writing a sequel I think," I replied as I basically ignored him as he sat down.

"A sequel?" he replied with a surprised tone as he stopped chopping at the onion I had given him to chop since he said he wanted to help.

"Yeah. Last night it was like my character needed to tell me what was going on," I replied feeling a little stupid all of a sudden. I had never admitted to anyone outside of Edward that sometimes it felt that my characters would call to me to talk. Edward used to find it cute, or at least that was what he would say.

Riley looked and me and nodded as if he understood what I was trying to explain. He told me how his character, Luke, did the same thing. We talked about our experience with writing and how it drew us in. It was nice to have someone to relate to in this matter since there were times that I felt like such a freak for my writing process.

The food cooked and as it did I continued to write. I soon found Riley out in the kitchen with me sitting at the table with his lap top open writing away. We both joked how this holiday would be a working one his he was now inspired to write as well.

I don't know how long we worked, but soon I looked up and it was past 5pm. I let out a sigh since Esme's party would be starting soon. I hated to miss it, but there was no way I could go. I just couldn't sit with Edward in the same room and pretend that I never loved him. I could not pretend that there was nothing going on between us. I just couldn't do it.

Riley finished typing and looked up at me. We had agreed to let the other read what we had wrote once we were done so he sat there with an excited look on his face.

We quickly switched laptops and settled back in the car to read. It was different. I had never let anyone outside of Edward read my really rough drafts. He would go over them and then tell me what he thought. He would talk about the Preston character and call me out if he thought I was getting it wrong. Lucky for me in this new book, Preston would not be in it except for the beginning so there would be no worries about not getting his character right.

I started to read what riley had wrote and was immediately drawn into his story. His characters were believable as if they were living and breathing beside you. It was the start of what appeared to a drama wrapped around am uprising set in the future. I could see the start of a possible romance between two characters as I read. It was good and I could not wait for more.

When I looked up I found Riley looking at me with an uncertain look on his face. He looked as if he was unsure about what to say to me. I felt myself flush with embarrassment. My writing must be that bad. My story idea of life without Preston must be horrible.

"If it's that bad…" I started to out to say, but found myself choking on the words.

"No, the story is good," Riley said with a smile as he looked at me, losing the unsure look on his face.

"I already like this Cecelia, its sad though. The break up scene was brutal. It was cold and calculating and the way you wrote it I could feel her heart being ripped out of her chest with each word that he spoke," Riley said with a sad shake of his head. I wanted to tell him that the scene was almost a play by play of what went down between Edward and me, but I kept my mouth shut. Why rehash it?

"It reminded me of when Rachel told me that we were done. She said that it was fun, but she never meant to lose her marriage over it. I was crushed since I loved her, but she thought I was _fun_," he said sadly as he looked the computer screen, avoiding my gaze.

I understood his pain. It hurts to be the one left behind clinging to a failed relationship.

"I'm sorry that I brought up some bad memories," I replied softly to him.

"No need to be sorry. The writing is great and great writing should affect you. It should tug on your heart strings and take you back to a place where you can relate to whatever emotion is being displayed for you," he replied with a smile. He right so I let it drop from there.

"You know, it's Christmas Eve we should get this party going," he said with a laugh and then stood up. He grabbed the bottle of tequila and started to open it as I said I would get the music going since what is a party without some music.

I could hear the blender going as Riley must be mixing up margarita for me as I found my IPod and a connected it to the home system to get music flowing. I told myself that I could the best of tonight even if it wasn't with the people I wanted it to be.

It did not take long for the party atmosphere to settle in as the drinked flowed and the music played. I was just getting myself some chips and salsa when Riley said something that stopped me in my tracks.

"Have you ever talked to Edward about what happened with the break up?" he asked me as if it was just a normal question to ask. I guess to him it would have been, but any time any one mentioned his name to me I would freeze just like I was doing right then.

"Uh, no I haven't really spoken to him. I called him before the accident. I was going to tell him about our baby and my decision, but then the accident happened so it didn't matter anymore," I said as I tried to keep up my happy façade.

"You said that he left you some messages. Have you ever listened to them?" he asked as he got some food. I think he was purposely not looking at me just by the way he was studying the hamburger so seriously.

"I listened to the first one, but it was really just telling me to keep my ring and he'd call back. I couldn't listen to rest so, they are just sitting there until either delete them or finally listen," I replied with a sad sigh.

"You gave him your ring back?" he asked me as if he already knew the answer to that question.

"Uh, no, I woke up in the hospital and it as gone. It must have gotten lost as they brought me into the ER since no one could find it. I wouldn't have given his ring back without talking to him at least," I replied as he looked at me curiously as if I said something of great interest to him. I didn't see why it mattered though and I just wished that he would stop with the questioning about Edward.

"So, you never gave it back?" he asked me again with a confused look on his face now. I just shook my head no and then grabbed my drink. If I was going to have to have this conversation about Edward right now then I was going to need more tequila. I watched as Riley shook his head as if he was trying to figure out a puzzle, but then he stopped and looked at me. It was a serious look that surprised me a little.

"You need to talk to him," he said in a serious tone that shocked me a little.

"Him and I have said all we need to say," I replied with a shake of my head as I looked away.

"No, you need to talk him. Don't you want to know why he broke up?" he asked me as he moved closer as if he was trying to stress how important he thought all of this was.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear why he dumped me. I wasn't sure my heart could take it. It had been through enough so I thought by not pushing the issue I was saving myself a little bit of heart ache and that was what I told Riley as my explanation for not talking to him yet. Riley was setting up his argument as to why I needed to talk to Edward when I rolled my eyes at him.

"Bella, you need to hear him explain. You'll never move on until you know why. It will eat you up inside like a cancer, trust me I know this. It took me a year to have Rachel finally tell me why she chose the way she did and in that year I died everyday without knowing. You need to have him explain," Riley said with such authority that it surprised me.

Riley stood up and started to walk towards the door. He turned to me and motioned for me to come. I followed him, curious as to what he was doing. Once I reached the door he tossed me my coat and held open the front door for me to go through.

I walked outside into the cold and waited as he locked the door behind us. We walked towards the rental car and he told me to get in. Once inside he started the car and turned up the heat. I looked over at him and he had a happy grin plastered to his face.

"Where are we going?" I asked him as he drove around a little like he was lost.

"We are going to the Christmas Eve Party at your friend's house," he replied happily as he looked at the roads as if had no idea where to turn.

I felt the breath in my chest catch and my heart stutter a bit. There was no way I could go to the Cullen's house. I couldn't face him. I couldn't listen to him now.

I started to hyperventilate as Riley turned up the road that the Cullen's lived on.

"I couldn't, I'm not ready," I stuttered as I looked over at him. I must have looked panicked since Riley started to laugh at me.

"Listen Bella, you need to do this. Maybe it will work out better than you think. Maybe everything was all a big mistake and Edward is suffering just like you?" he offered to me as an incentive and what an incentive it was.

The thought that this was a big mistake that maybe Edward was just over reacting to whatever was tempting as hell. What if Edward was just pushing me to go on tour? I took a deep breath and thought about it. I would never know unless I spoke to him. I looked over at Riley and nodded for him to continue to drive.

I could do this. I could find out what went wrong in my time with Edward. I could tell him about our baby and what Emmett turned into. I could ask him why he didn't come to Iowa after my accident. I could ask him about that picture with Tanya. I could ask him if what Emmett said about him hooking up with Tanya was true. I could have all my answers and move on if I needed to.

Riley drove closer to the house and as we did I noticed how cars lined the street. Esme's party would have started by now and the whole town would have been arriving at this point. I felt my heart pound in my chest and my breathing start to increase as we finally stopped in front of the house that I viewed as home.

I looked over at riley and he gave me a nod as if to show support. I tuned back to the house and that is when I saw him. It was Edward. He was out on the porch with some people. He was standing there without a coat wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I wanted to laugh since I was sure that Esme would be pissed that he was not in his dress pants with a shirt and tie. She always insisted on dressing up for the Christmas Eve party.

He looked beautiful in the darkness being all lit up by the Christmas lights that were strung up along the porch and in the bushes that surrounded it. I wanted to get out of the car and run up to him for a hug. I wanted to feel him against me. I wanted him.

It was at that moment that I noticed who he was talking to. It was a tall blonde with long legs and a short dress. It was Tanya. She was standing there with her hand on his arm talking as if they were lost in conversation. I noticed a man shift at her side, but she still stood there with her eyes; locked on Edward. I watched him smile a little and then she leaned forward and pulled him into an embrace. It was as if in slow motion as she pulled him close to hold him to her. I watched as he wrapped his arms around her and held her as well. I could see her kiss his cheek and that was all I could take.

"Please go," I said to Riley as I turned to him.

"What the fuck!" Riley exclaimed as he watched Edward and Tanya embrace. He then hit the horn to get their attention. I was almost funny to watch them jump apart with the loud sound. I watched as Edward looked at us and then realized that it was me in the car. The look of surprise on his face took me back since for a split second he looked happy before horror settled in on his features. He started to scramble down the steps as if he was going to approach the car. I felt the panic in me rise as I watched him get closer all the while calling my name.

Riley started to drive away leaving Edward standing in the street where our car once was. I could hear him muttering cuss words as he drove as if he was pissed over what he saw, but me I just sat there in shock. I guess I had my answer over what happened. Tanya happened. Emmett was right.

**AN:**

**Happy Saturday! Thanks to all who are reading! I heart you all! **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	45. The first time we spoke

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Riley made it back to my old house quickly while muttering under his breath the entire way back. I couldn't make out what he was saying, but it sounded like he was pissed.

I sat there in the car shocked over what I saw, but my mind was back in the middle of the road with Edward standing there calling my name. I could not believe that he was holding Tanya. I just could not believe it. Was Emmett correct when he told me that Edward had cheated on me when he came back for Tyler's funeral? I had never believed him before, but now I wasn't so sure.

"Bella, I know this looked a little bad, but I don't think-" Riley started out before I cut him off. I felt the anger coursing through me now as I thought about Edward with Tanya. I felt it burning a hole through me as I felt foolish for trusting him.

"Shut up Riley. I got my answer. I can move on now just like you think I should," I replied in a breathless tone that surprised even me. I had gotten my answer, it was one that I hated, but I got my answer all the same.

"You're jumping to conclusions," Riley replied as he looked at me and then rolled his eyes at my anger. The action reminded me of Edward and so my temper flared once more.

I got out of the car and slammed the door in his face before walking up to the house. I don't know what Riley had hoped to accomplish by having me talk to Edward, but that was done now. I walked inside and up to my room like a child in the midst of a temper tantrum. I didn't want to act like rag, but I could not help it. I was pissed and I had enough from everyone.

I had just made it up to my old room when I heard a car come screaming up the street. I heard brakes slamming and then silence as it came to a stop. I could hear someone scrambling their way up a side walk and then finally there was pounding on my door followed by the voice that still haunts my dreams crying my name out.

Damn it, Edward was here. I waited as the pounding continued, hoping that Riley would answer the door, but it appeared that he was refusing to do so. I waited another moment before making my way down the stairs and through the front room where I found Riley sprawled out on the couch with the remote in hand, flipping through the TV channels as if he was bored.

"Someone is at the door," he called to me in a casual tone as I walked by him. He knew it was Edward and was refusing to answer it. I turned and gave him the finger which caused him to laugh out loud at my childish behavior.

The pounding only increasing as I took my time as did the sound of Edward's voice as he called my name. He sounded desperate. I hated that.

I walked to the door and opened it quickly, surprising Edward since I found him standing there with his hand raised as if I had caught him mid pound.

I looked at him and was surprised to see how angry he was. His green eyes were burning with fire as he stood before me, but outside of that he looked different, beautiful, but different still. He looked tired, worn out. He looked thinner in the face since his features looked sharper. He looked miserable. What he had to be so miserable about I was not sure.

"You do not get to run away from me," he said with such a breathless venom that I instantly found myself posed and ready to attack.

"No, you're right. Running is your job," I replied back with an equal amount of venom that seemed to surprise him a bit and I was glad. I wanted him to know that I was not the little sad sack of a girl that he left behind.

"Go home Edward," I told him in an icy tone that made him flinch for just one second.

"No, you don't get to send me away again. Not this time and not without hearing me out," he replied as he stepped closer to me. He was so close now that I could feel the heat rolling off him in waves. I found my body reacting to him as I found that I needed to brace myself from reaching out to touch him. I shook my head at the feeling, pushing it away, reminding myself that he left me.

"No, you don't get to come over here and make demands," I countered back as I stepped back a little, trying to put some space between us, but Edward only stepped closer once more.

I looked up in to his eyes. I felt myself being hypnotized by the greenness that I found there. I found the same magic spell that I always fell under concerning Edward taking place once more. I found that my body was reacting to him, almost calling out to for him kiss me. It was embarrassing. I reminded myself of what Emmett said and of what I just saw. He was with Tanya and now here he was with me. The thought of Tanya was all I needed to find my resolve once more.

"I should have known. I should have listened. I should have known that you could not be trusted, that you could not change," I told him as I found the anger causing my breathing to come in short bursts as I started to hyperventilate from the emotion. Edward looked at me as if I had lost my mind as I said this to him.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he demanded as he stepped closer once more, now our bodies were almost touching. I could feel the zing of electricity as he brushed against me. My body sighed in happiness with having him so damn close.

"Emmett told me," I replied back breathless as I stared him down. His green eyes looked confused.

"Emmett told you what?" he demanded as he held my gaze.

"Emmett told me that you fucked Tanya when you came back here for Tyler's funeral. He told me all about it so don't deny it!" I yelled at him as my temper took over once more. Edward staggered back as if I had punched him. He looked over at me with hurt in his eyes as his mouth was open from the shock of my statement.

"Get out!" I yelled at him as I took advantage of his surprise to try to gain control once more. Edward looked over at me with hurt and anger radiating out of his eyes so much so that they glowed in the dark at me.

"I never, ever cheated on you Bella," he said in a serious tone that surprised me a little. I expected him to deny it, but I did not expect him to act like I had hurt his honor.

"There has only ever been you. No one else, just you," he continued on in a serious tone as he looked at me, almost willing me to believe him. He stepped closer again, taking advantage of my surprise now. He was close enough now that when he reached out his shaking hand he could touch my cheek. My blood zipped and sang at this slight connection.

I looked up in to his green eyes and I wanted to believe him as he touched me. I wanted to believe that he would never do that to me, and maybe he was telling the truth, however it did not change things. He still had left me.

"Bella…" he started out as he softly touched my face, but I cut him off. I could not hear his weak excuses now.

"It doesn't matter anyway. We're over remember? Go home Edward," I told him in a dead tone that matched how I felt inside. I turned and walked back in as Edward called after me.

"Damn it Bella, don't do this! Please just this once hear me out!" he called as I walked inside and shut the door in his beautiful face. I walked past a stunned Riley until I was headed up the stairs to my room. Once I was there I shut the door on the entire scene that created below.

I lay down on my bed and ignored his pounding and pleading. I was tired of it. What more could he have to say? How many more times could I stand there and let him tear me apart?

I could hear him outside still calling for me and then it stopped. I could hear voices so I looked out the window and saw Riley out there with him. I watched as he and Edward talked for a few minutes and then Edward looked up at me. His eyes were filled with misery as he looked at me and then he turned back to his car. I watched him get in and slowly drive away.

I could hear Riley down stairs rambling around in the front room.

"He's gone you and I know you know this because I saw you watching," Riley yelled up to me as I sat there staring out the window at the empty space that once was filled with his car.

I slowly walked back down stairs to face Riley as he sat on the couch with the bottle of tequila, two shot glasses, salt and limes.

"I won't tell you what a mistake I think you are making. I will tell you that if I had another opportunity with Rachel to get the truth I would, but that's me. Maybe you are ok with not knowing," he said as he poured tequila without looking up at me.

"Where did he go?" I asked before I had a chance to stop myself form asking. Riley looked up at me with a smile that was too knowing. I hated him for that.

"Oh, I think he was off to kill his brother so I would say that Christmas Eve Party is just about to get real interesting over at the Cullen house," Riley said with an evil laugh as he looked over at me.

"Listen, I know it's hard, but you should talk to him," he said as I looked away.

"You are behaving like a child Bella and isn't that something that you have accused him of doing?" Riley asked me as he handed me the shot of tequila. He was right. I had said that about Edward and yet here I was the one running from him. I looked over at Riley with a guilty look on my face.

"Don't worry I have your back girl. I gave him this," Riley said as he handed me a piece of paper with an email address on it.

"What is this?" I asked as I looked at the address. It was my character name with a yahoo email address.

"This is an email address that he can email you at. I hope you don't mind that I created it. You can change the password so I can't get back in, but I wanted you to have the chance to hear what he has to say when you are ready and email is one way to do that," Riley said and then grimaced he downed a shot.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him and then followed him by draining my shot as well.

"Because I am a sucker for a love story," Riley replied with a smile that made me roll my eyes at him.

"Ok, fine. I just think that you should hear him out. I mean, obviously there is more to the story than what we can see and you owe yourself the truth," Riley said with a smile at me. I knew that this part of Riley's explanation was honest; I just didn't know when I would be ready for the truth.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thanks for reading! **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	46. The Christmas Gift

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

We spent the rest of the evening drinking and soon Riley was passed out on the couch while I sat there staring at the Christmas lights. I was lost in thought and soon found myself writing once more. This only lasted a few hours until it dawned on me that I had a gift waiting for me in my bag.

The gift wasn't for me, it was for Edward. I had made it before he left me with the idea that he would wear it while I was on the book tour to show world he was mine. It was a thin leather bracelet that had a small silver clasp with my initials on it with a heart. It was similar to the one I had for Preston in the book. I had wanted him to wear it, but now it just sat there mocking me in bottom of my bag.

I stood up in my drunken haze I decided that I would give it to him. I had it made just for him and I could not stand seeing any longer. I grabbed the wrapped small package and then my coat before heading out to his house.

I had walked this trek to his house countless times over the years so this was no different except that I was fairly drunk and giving a gift almost out of spite not love. I walked up the silent street to his house, amazed over all the Christmas lights still on at 2am. It made the winter area surrounding me look like a wonderland. It was beautiful.

I finally approached the Cullen house to find the Christmas lights on as well. I could see that other lights were on inside so I knew I had to be quick about it if I did not want to caught. I had just sat the small box between the door and screen door when I heard movement inside. There was someone up so it was time for me to go. I started to walk back when I heard the door open. I looked back and found Carlisle holding my box for Edward. He could not see me, but I could tell he was trying to find me in the darkness just by the way he seemed to be searching the shadows. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that if Carlisle had it then Edward would get it, I then turned and walked back home to sleep off the tequila.

I slept well into the day finally coming down stairs in the afternoon. I found Riley still asleep on the couch as I entered the room. He opened an eye and looked at me before greeting me. I had told him that I needed to see my father and he had offered to go along with. I am sure that he really didn't want to spend time with me in the cemetery, but I guess it would have better than sitting alone in a house with no one so he got up to get dressed.

It took as a while, but we soon opened up the front door to leave and were greeted with a rather large Christmas present wrapped in bright paper with my name on it.

"Well, I wonder who left a gift?' Riley asked mockingly as he looked at me with his eyes wide trying to look innocent.

I took hold of the box and brought it inside. It was addressed to me. I figured that it was from Edward. I would open it later, right now I needed to see dad.

Riley tried to make small talk about my Christmas gift as I drove us to the cemetery. I ignored him, hoping that he would just get over whatever his obsession with Edward was. I stopped the car and trudged through the snow out to my father's grave while Riley stayed in the car. I stood out there telling everything to my dad. I told him about the baby and hoped that he was not disappointed in me. I told him about the tour and how scared IU was. I told him about Riley and Edward and everything else that was troubling me at the moment. I finally asked him to watch over me and to give me strength since it was much harder to be alone than I thought it would be.

Once I was done with my one sided conversation I went back to the car and turned on the heat full blast since I was cold. We rode in silence to the house and then once inside Riley's questions started concerning my dad. I hated talking about it, but it was better than talking about Edward.

I discovered during our conversation that we would be meeting another author on the 27th in Seattle. I guess it was Rosalie Hale who had written a romance book between a werewolf and a human girl. I guess it was doing quite well and from what Riley knew of her she would be fun since it was known that she had a spitfire temper. I looked forward to meeting her even tough riley kept giving me shit about vampires and werewolves not getting along.

The day turned into night and soon I found myself sitting on the floor by Riley looking at the Christmas tree. He was lost in his own little world of regret just like I was concerning the people we missed over the holiday. When I had enough of the melancholy I grabbed a wrapped present from under the tree and handed him his gift. He laughed a little as he did the same. We had gotten each other our books so I could read what he had wrote and he could read my story of Preston and Cecelia. It was simply and perfect. We spent the rest of the night wrapped up in each other's story only stopping to ask questions about the plot or characters.

I have to admit Riley's book Poison was amazing. I really do not normally like the sci-fi action, but the book was good. It kept me guessing over whether or not which characters would die in their survival games. I patted him on the head and said good night when I found that I could not keep my eyes open any longer.

"Wait, aren't you going to open his gift?" he called after me as I started to walk up the stairs. I hadn't opened what Edward had left for me. It was sitting wrapped up all pretty by the tree just waiting for some attention.

"Don't be a pussy," Riley said with a smirk as he looked at me.

"You know, only that reasoning works with guys," I said to him with a sigh as I turned back towards him. He looked at me and started to laugh as I sat back down again.

"Really, then why are you going to open it?" he asked me teasingly as he handed me the gift. I rolled my eyes at him and took the gift. I took a deep breath and then let it out as I started to open the gift wrap.

I slowly pulled the wrapping paper off until I was left with a large box. I slowly lifted the lid as if it might be bobby trapped which caused riley to laugh at me again.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think that he sent you a bomb or something?" he joked, but I had no idea what he had sent me. I could not even begin to guess now that his moods seemed all over the place.

Once the lid was off and I pulled out the tissue paper I was able to see what Edward had gotten me. There was a leather bound journal, a blanket, and a t-shirt. I pulled pout the journal first. Edward had known how much I loved to write and journal so I was not surprised by this. I started to turn the pages of the journal to discover that he had written on the first page.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I hope you like the journal. I want you to write in to me, telling me all about the tour. I want to know everything, what you do during the day, what fans are like, what you see and do. Please know that it will kill me every day that we are apart, but I could not be more proud of you or of "our" story. I have also enclosed the blanket from my bed as well as your favorite t-shirt to sleep in so that way when you write to me it is like I am there with you. I love you always._

_Yours, _

_Edward_

I looked dumbfounded at the items in the box. I pulled out his blanket. It was the black velvety throw from his bed at home that we used to wrap up in after making love or just while we were reading together. I then grabbed the t-shirt. It was his old gym shirt with the words Forks High School on the front and CULLEN across the back.

I looked over at Riley who looked at the items I was holding in my hands. I looked at the gift wrap and saw a note from Edward. I grabbed it and ripped it open to see what the asshole had to say for himself.

_My Bella, _

_Nothing has changed._

_Love you always,_

_Edward_

I looked at his note and no idea what he meant by it. Nothing has changed, but that was lie since everything had changed. I grabbed my gifts and headed up to my room leaving Riley for the night. Once in my room I pulled out my lap top and logged into the email account that Riley had for me. I changed the password to something I would remember and then looked to see if there were any messages.

I found myself gasping in surprise as I found four emails all from Edward all dated last night. I debated on reading any of them and settled for the one titled "gift".

_Dearest Bella,_

_Thank you for my wrist band. I love it. It is just like the one you wrote about for Preston. I will wear it every day until you come back to me. _

_Love always,_

_Edward._

I had hoped for more information about why he sent me what he did, but of course there was nothing. I let out a loud sigh and grabbed his blanket. I wrapped myself up in velvet blanket and went to sleep dreaming of him like always.

**AN:**

**Thank you all for reading! **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	47. Good bye to Esme

Diclaimer: I do not own Twilight

On the morning of the 27th we said our good bye to James. It was not like we had seen him around at all over the few days we had been there since he had spent his time with his girlfriend, which was fine by me. I packed up my stuff, telling myself that once I was on tour if I needed something I would just buy it and with that I was ready to go.

Riley carried my bags out and then offered to drive to Seattle. I think that he didn't like my driving, but who cares anyway. I let him drive since it was just easier than dealing with him whing about it. I thought about stopping at the Cullen's house to say good bye but at the last minute I changed my mind. I didn't know what I would say so I decided to say nothing at all.

I was still lost over Edward's statements and the more I thought about it the more I wondered what he meant by it all. Everything he said didn't match up. He broke up with me and now he was saying nothing changed, I just didn't get it.

I knew I had behaved badly over Christmas Eve, but I was always so tired of having to give in to him. It was always like that with him. He always got to decide everything and I was sick of it. He wanted to talk now, now after all these weeks of his radio silence. Where was he for the first month after he walked away from me? Where was he when I was in the hospital? Where was he even over Thanksgiving? He was no where to be found that's where and just because he has now decided that we need to talk, does not mean that I want to.

I had wanted to talk to him, but he didn't call back quick enough the night of my accident. I had wanted to know what was going on before he decided to end our relationship, but he sent back to my room that night alone, refusing to tell me what was wrong. I had given opportunities to talk, to tell me what was on his mind, but he told me nothing and made all the decisions any way.

The more I thought about it the more pissed I became. Who did he think he was? What made him so damn special that he could behave like this? I am not saying that I have been perfect, but I never blocked him out when we were together and that is exactly what he did.

Riley pulled me out of my thoughts by telling me that Rosalie Hale was waiting for us in a coffee shop down the street from where we were. He had found a parking spot in a parking ramp and we took off to meet her. I glanced at my cell phone since I had to keep track of time iuf I wanted to still see Esme today, which I wasn't sure that I wanted to after all the anger I had over her son.

I put on a happy face as we walked into the coffee shop since I was not sure which person in there might be Rosalie. I ordered a coffee and turned around to find riley talking to a tall blonde girl with her back towards me. Riley motioned towards me and the girl turned around to face me.

Rosalie Hale was beautiful. She had a pretty face with bright blue eyes and a perfectly straight nose. I could see how people would be taken back by her since even I was in awe of how pretty she truly was and then she smiled flashing me her megawatt smile that almost made me laugh at its perfection as well.

"Bella Swan, this is Rosalie Hale. Rosalie, this is Bella," Riley said as he introduced us with a smile on his face.

"So, you're the girl who's into vampires?" Rosalie asked me teasingly as she smiled. We started to talk and I found that Rose was easy to talk to. She had grown up in up state New York and was attending college in Oregon since she followed her boyfriend out here only to be dumped by him once he found another girl. I knew that we would be friends just over how we could interact together.

I had lost track of time talking to her when I looked up and discovered Esme Cullen standing in front of me with Emmett standing off to the side of her, both of them staring at me as if I had lost my head.

"Oh, Esme! I'm sorry if I'm late!" I exclaimed as I stood up to greet her with a hug that seemed to surprise her.

"No dear, you're fine. I am a little early," she offered as she took a seat leaving Emmett standing there looking out of place.

I looked over at Emmett and did a double take. His face was cut and brusied. He had a black eye that made his left eye look swollen and a cut on his lip. It was shocking to see him so rough looking. He noticed my stare and looked back at me with a blank look. I instantly felt sad as we looked at each other since I knew our friendship was over.

I stopped staring at Emmett and introduced every one to each other. I could not help but to laugh a little as I watched Riley flirt with Esme, earning a scowl from Emmett. Riley and Rose excused themselves, however they did invite Emmett to join them at another table so Esme and I could talk alone.

"Are you excited?" Esme asked me as we spoke about the tour. Was I excited? No, not really.

"No, I guess I'm more scared than anything," I admitted to her as I looked into her blue eyes that were about the same shade as Emmett's eyes.

I poured out my heart to her there. I told her how I scared of being on my own. I told her that I knew that I needed to do this, but it just scared the piss out of me more than anything.

"No need to be scared you'll do great. I know it," she said with the confidence of a proud mom as she gave me a smile.

We spoke for a while about what else was coming up for me when I could not take it any longer, I had to ask about her Christmas party. I hated missing it.

"Oh dear, did you miss a good time! Let's see… Edward came back from chasing you down and promptly punched Emmett in face. I was only able to hear what they yelled at each other, but what I gathered was that Edward claims that Emmett told you that he cheated, which he didn't. It then turned into Emmett taunting Edward about some great secret about you that happened while he was back home, so what do you have to say about all of this?" she asked me with an edge in her voice that told me that she was mad.

I was shocked. Edward and Emmett had a knock down, drag out fight in the middle of Esme's party, yelling at each other and it was because of me. I looked over at Esme and found myself blushing in embarrassment. I then looked over at Emmett who was currently trying to charm Rosalie Hale and scowled as I thought about him telling Edward that I had been pregnant. It was story to tell, not his, and I was pissed that he taunted him over it.

"Bella, I told Edward I would stay out of it. I promised Carlisle that I would not be the meddling mom, but it is hard for me to sit back and watch you all make mistake after mistake," she said with a sigh of frustration that surprised me a little.

"I am trying to remember that you all need to be able to make a go of this on your own, but you all are so young and dealing with so many adult things that I think that is where everything is getting muddled for you. It isn't fair," she said with a sad smile as she squeezed my hand. I asked her what she meant by it all and she paused as if she was collecting her thoughts.

"Most 19 year old kids are not worried about being separated from people they love or selling their book. It is this that makes you special. It is also this that makes life hard for you. Most 19 year olds have no clue what they want and the only thing you have in common with those kids is that you also don't know how to get it," Esme said with a sigh as she looked at me.

"I am lost Esme," I whispered to her sadly. I knew that she would understand and possibly help me like she always had. I watched her smile at me softly in that motherly fashion that I always loved.

"If you think you're lost follow your heart it will lead you back home," she said with a knowing smile.

"But what if-" I started out as I questioned her logic, but she cut me off once more.

"No what if's Bella. Listen to your heart it will tell you the truth since your heart cannot lie," Esme said and then stood up and motioned for me to hug her. It was time for her to go and I already missed her even if she was standing right there.

"Tell Edward…" I started to whisper in her ear as I hugged her, but I stopped since I could not verbalize what I needed to say to him. Esme squeezed me tighter as I mentioned his name.

"I will," she whispered back in assuring manner as if she understood what I couldn't say.

Esme slowly pulled away from me. She made me promise that I would call everyday. She made me promise that I would eat more since I was too thin. She then promised that she take care of everything on her end that she could. I think she was talking about Edward, but I wasn't sure and I didn't ask for an explanation.

I watched as Esme tapped Emmett on the shoulder to tell him she was leaving. Emmett looked up at her and then his eyes darted to me, but his eyes gave nothing away. I missed my old friend.

I rejoined Riley and Rosalie at their table. We spent the rest of day chatting before getting in the car to head off to the air port. It was then that I was told we would meet the other author in New York City at the start of the tour so there was no need to make a stop in California. I was glad to find out that this tour would get started since I was read to just get it over it.

I would try to remain in the conversation, but when there were lulls in the conversation I would ifnd myself thinking back to what esme had said about listening to my heart. I would think about Edward and the mess we had made of everything. I would think about his messages and seeing him over Christmas. I thought about him fighting with Emmett about me and his conflicting message on his gift. I thought about it all until I found myself with my head aching from information over load. It was at that moment that I decided that I would stop using my head so much in this matter since it had done nothing but lead me in circles over it all. I decided that I would listen to my heart and see what it had to say about the mess I was in.

**AN:**

**Thanks to all of you that are reading. I luv you all for your comments and critical observations since it can only help me.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	48. New York

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

We made it to New York City and discovered that our 4th author was backing out of the tour we were only told that it was personal reasons; however we all have personal reason as to why we shouldn't go.

In New York City I was immediately taken back by the number of people. I found that the crowds made me nervous and wishing for the small town pace of Forks or even Iowa City.

One night after a dinner with the executives from the publishing company Riley suggested we all go to Time Square. I had never been and being the tourist there it seemed like the touristy thing to do.

We had all been drinking Champaign and enjoying the free dinner that they provided as we walked to Times Square. The wind was cold and seemed to rip right through my jacket, but Riley was on a mission. I looked back at Rose who was carrying a video camera like we were idiot tourist, but I guess we were. When we finally made it there I was taken aback by the brightness of it. I was overwhelmed by all the screens and information that was being shared.

I looked over at Riley to see if he was just as amazed when I noticed that he was smiling at me as was Rose. I gave them both a questioning look which made them laugh at me.

"Look up Bella," Riley said with a laugh.

I looked up and saw the cover of my book on the screen. It was the picture that Char took of the path that leads to the meadow. It was my book. I stood there shocked as I saw it. It said New York Times Best seller.

"Holy shit," I whispered in shock as I looked up at the screen. It was shocking in deed and I was overwhelmed by it. I wanted Char with me since it was her picture. I wanted Edward since it was about him, but both of them were thousands of miles away and I was here alone.

Riley and Rose were more than happy to celebrate with me over this accomplishment, and while they were great I could not help but to think about those people that should be with me at this moment. I thought of all those nights writing with Edward wrapped around me. I thought of how I would stop and demand him right there on the spot because I needed to feel him next to me, on top of me, and inside me. There were times when I wrote that it felt like I could not breathe unless he was touching me in some fashion. I could feel myself go red as I thought of it all.

"What are you thinking about?" Riley asked as he noticed my blush, but I only shook my head to avoid answering the question.

I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture to send off to Char since she should see this. She needed to see her picture on display in Time Square. She would have loved it.

"Did your friend take the picture?" Rose asked me as she stood there watching me take the picture on my phone.

"Yeah, she is an amazing photographer. You should see her other pictures," I said softly as I watched the screen with the picture of my home with my name on it. It was just so damn surreal. I thought of all the time I spent with Edward in that meadow and now here it was on display for everyone in the world, our little slice of heaven on display for everyone.

I grabbed my phone again and forwarded the picture to Edward. It was an on the whim decision, but I thought he would like to see it. I kept thinking that he would be amazed over how far the story that was written in the dead of night in between making love had reached. It also was a very weak and noncommittal way of telling him that I was thinking of him.

It wasn't long after my picture texts were sent that my phone rang. I glanced at the caller id and discovered that it was Char. She was on the other end bubbly and excited over the picture being up on the screen. I could hear people in the back ground of her as she spoke in an excited tone.

She told me how the book was helping her launch her career as a photographer. She told me of how much she owed me which I brushed off as quickly as I could by reminding her of our dreams of making it big that were discussed either in her room or mine, which only made her laugh. We talked for a while and then the conversation turned serious.

"Hey, I saw Edward. He's…well, a little lost without you to say the least," she said with a sigh that made me cringe. Char was the last person I expected to hear the poor Edward story from so I sat there a little stunned over how the conversation had turned so quickly.

"It seems like everyone is getting in their opinion so here's mine. I just want to say that I think that if you don't want to talk to him that it's ok. He left you and you owe him nothing. He owes you. If he wants to talk then he needs to jump through the hopes to make it happen," Char said with a calm voice that surprised me a little.

"He has made mistake after mistake. This is his mess to fix not yours. Now, enough with this mess," she concluded and then continued down a much happier conversation where she told me about Jane. We made plans for when I was in Seattle again to meet up for dinner so she could show off her girl and then we said our good bye.

I hung up the phone feeling better as I always did after talking with Char. I was still riding on that high when my phone chimed advising me of a text.

_I wanted to call, but thought you wouldn't answer so here I am like this. I am so proud of you and I knew the story would take the world by storm. Please let me fix things. Love –E_

I read his text over and over as Riley directed us back to our hotel. My head was spinning from his mood changes. First he loves me, then he hates me, and now he wants me once more. I wanted to roll my eyes at it, but I had brought it upon myself by texting him. I had opened up the line of communication and now I had to decide what to do about it.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thanks for reading! Have I told you that I luv you and think that you are amazing for just giving my silly story a chance? Anyway, I know this short, but I will be continuing on. Things will be coming to an end here soon and I haven't decided if I will catch Betrayed up so that I can have them end at the same time since some of the pivotal things will happen with Edward not Bella. Let me know if it matters to you that they end at the same time so you have all the info at once or if you are willing to wait for EPOV to catch up.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	49. The meet and greet

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

In New York City we had our first appearance at a very large book store. A limo brought us there from our hotel and it was surprising to see all the people lining up outside the store in the cold waiting to see us. Some of them had signs professing their love for characters. I found myself laughing at all the _I love Preston_ signs. I wondered what Edward would think of it, knowing him, he would love it.

We stopped and snapped a few pictures off without being detected before going inside. I grabbed my phone and snapped a picture to send off to Edward. I sent it off to him with no words, just the picture so he would see. I wanted him to see the crowds. I wanted him to see the signs and the girls holding them. I wanted him to see the frenzy that this story, our story caused and it made me feel bad for wanting that.

I hated that I wanted him here with me. I hated that I was so weak that I wished him here. I could hear Emmett's words as he called me pathetic in needing his family. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to prove him wrong. I wanted to be able to face this on my own, but this story wasn't just me, it was Edward too.

We were ushered inside and taken behind this set up stage area. It was odd. We weren't there long before we were each called out by name. I watched as Rosalie walked out and waved at everyone as if this was no big deal. I looked over at Riley, who looked back at me with the same panicked look that I was wearing. We started to laugh a little at the insanity of this situation and then his name was called so he left me.

I waited back stage with breath held, all the while hoping like hell that I could handle this since I felt like I was about to pass out. I then heard my name being called and I stepped out on the make shift stage. I was blinded by cameras flashing as pictures were taken and taken back by the screams of young girls.

I walked over to the empty seat by Riley and sat down as I waited for this meet and greet to be over with, unfortunately it was only starting. It was an interesting set up. The fans were going to be given a chance to ask questions and then there would be time for books to be signed. I dreaded the question part since I was not sure how much of myself I wanted to reveal to the girls that were waiting for answers about my characters.

I listened as Riley answered questions with ease as did Rose, but when it was my turn I only felt like I was going to throw up. These characters weren't just characters to me, they were people. They were based on real people and the thought of having them picked apart by a group of people killed me.

The girls wanted to know what inspired me so I gave them the same answer that I gave Edward when he first found out about Cecelia and Preston. They wanted to know about my home town and the rainy weather, but most of all they wanted to know about Preston.

They wanted to know how I came up with him. They were hungry for information. They wanted to know if it was possible for a person to love like that or be loved like that. They wanted to know how to find their own Preston and I honestly did not have an answer for them.

I could have told them that boys lie. I could have told them that what I thought was love now I am not sure about any more. I could have told them anything, but instead I chose the high road. I told them that there are men of substance out there. I told them that it is possible to love and be loved with such reckless abandonment. I told them lies.

The meet and greet continued on until we were signing books. It was this part of the process that I did not mind. I liked the one on one interaction with my fans. It felt weird calling them my fans.

Once it was over I got back in the car with Rose and Riley. Riley was on some sort of high after the book signing. He loved meeting his fans and he especially loved seeing their moms. Rose and I would roll our eyes at him as he talked about the women. I guess I should feel happy that he was so comfortable that he could talk with us, but on the other hand it was odd to see him so attracted to older women. I wondered how much of the attraction was due to his affair with his mom's friend.

We made it back to the hotel and each went to our rooms. I looked at my phone and saw a text waiting from Edward. I had sent the pictures to him so he could sees what was going on. His response was comical.

_Holy Shit!_

I laughed as I read his response, but decided not to respond back. This was the pattern I had developed with him. I would send him something about the book and he would text back. I would not respond to the text that he sent. His responses were always rather short, as if he was scared over what to say to me, but happy that I contacted him at all. It was an odd place to be.

I was sitting on my bed as I had pulled out my lap top to write when I heard a knock on my door. It was Riley announcing dinner. We had all agreed to meet in his room and order room service since we had enough of crowds. I followed him across the hall to his room and found Rose there already.

The dinner was nice and we follow up by drinking wine. I hate wine. It always left me with a headache the next day. The drinking lead to conversations about today. I was nice to know that I was not the only one who was lost a bit when they all started to scream. Who knew that people would go so crazy over a book?

The night wore on and soon I was leaving to go back to my room. I had just closed the door when I heard a knock once more. I looked out to see Rose standing in the hall.

"Are you going to let me in or what?" she asked as she stood there. I quickly opened the door and she walked in inside. It took all of one moment before she flopped herself on my bed with a sigh.

"So, what do you think of Riley?" she asked me as she gave me eyes. I laughed at her. I could tell that she liked Riley. It was so obvious that I was surprised that he could not see it yet and truly, what was not to like? Riley was handsome and very charming. He had a great personality and an amazing body that Rose liked to make comments about when he wasn't listening.

We talked and laughed about Riley. It was nice since I hadn't laughed over boys in forever.

"I think you should ask him out," I offered as I sat there looking at her with a smile.

"Maybe. I am older than him and you know how he loves older women," Rose teased as we laughed about his reaction to the young girls mothers in our line. Rose was older she was about 25 to Riley being 20.

We laughed for while and then Rose looked at me with a serious look on her face.

"You know, your friend has been emailing me. He is very persistent," she said with a serious look.

I had no idea who she was talking about and so she explained that she has been emailing Emmett back and forth. I guess they exchanged email addresses when they met back in Seattle.

"What happened with you and Emmett?" she asked me as she looked at me funny.

"Why do you want to know?" I asked her as grabbed my soda off the table to take a drink.

"Well, because it just seems odd. He knows I am with you and he never mentions you," she offered as she as shrugged her shoulders at me. I guess it was odd, but then again everything with Emmett was odd.

I took deep breath and started to explain my relationship with Emmett. I told her everything. I told her about how Emmett was there when Edward left me both time. I told her how I leaned on him. I told her about the kiss and marriage proposal all leading up to him leaving me in a hospital bed.

Rose sat there still as stone as I spoke. She would nod her head or make a sound as if she could not believe what she was hearing and then when I stopped speaking she sighed.

"Ok, so the guy liked you, but how did he go from asking you to marry him to leaving in the hospital all alone?" she asked out loud as if I could give the damn answer to that one.

"He was mad. I don't understand it, but he was mad all the same," I offered as an explanation to her spoken question.

"Well, big deal he was mad. You were nice when you told him no. You could have been a real bitch, but you were nice and that should have counted for something," Rose said as she shook her head in disbelief at me.

"Maybe, but that's how it goes," I replied as I drank some more soda.

"You know, nothing about the other guy leaving makes sense," she said with a yawn.

"Oh, Edward? Sure it does. He left before," I said as I yawned back at her.

"Oh come on! He was what 15? 14? You cannot hold that against him! I broke up with a guy when I was 15 because I hated his best friend's girlfriend," she said with a laugh as she rolled her eyes at me.

"And then there was the guy I broke up with because I did not like his shirt that he wore on our date. I was 15," Rose said with laughter in her voice.

"Wow, aren't you shallow?" I said as I laughed at her.

"I'm just saying Bella," she said as her laughter died down a little.

"Do you think he would have broken up with you over the book tour?" she asked as she looked at me with a smile.

"I don't know. He knew that I was not about to go without him and he kept pushing the issue," I said sadly as I looked away since with all the wine I had drank talking about Edward was making me weepy.

"Huh, well, things don't add up with either one," Rose said as she closed her eyes. She was tired and so was I.

"But lucky for you Bella Swan, I love a good mystery and so we'll get to the bottom of this tangled mess that is your love life," she said teasingly as she moved over so that she was laying down on my bed beside me as if she was going to sleep there.

"Why don't you go start your own tangled mess of a love life across the hall there," I teased as I pointed in Riley's room direction with a laugh that sounded tired even to me.

"Oh, don't worry about me since I plan on it. Riley Biers will be mine," she said in a confident manner than made me laugh as started to drift off to sleep. Rose was nothing if not persistent.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Here is another update fore you since I did not get one out yester day!Thanks for reading! You are all awesome!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	50. Victoria

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

In the morning I awoke to a snoring Rosalie in my bed and a very unhappy Riley banging on my door. I scrambled out of bed to answer the door and as did Riley just barged his way inside.

"Do you know where Rose is? She left my room last night, but she's not in her room," he complained as he stomped inside only to stop dead in his tracks as he saw a sleeping Rose lying there.

I looked over at Riley who looked back at me with surprise. I think for some reason he was shocked by this, but whatever the reason was it was lost to me. He then sat down on the bed and woke Rose up so to start our day, which was going to be busy.

We had plans to meet up with Victoria, our agent. Yes, she represented all of us. I guess she was the go to person that our publisher used for all new up and coming authors. I had met her once before and found her to be brash and pushy, not the two best qualities that I looked for in a person, but she works I guess.

After taking a healthy dose of teasing from Riley about being lipstick lesbians he left with Rose so I could get dressed. He was in a super good mood about this meeting even though it really meant nothing since she would just be telling us what other cities have been added to the tour.

I quickly showered and dressed for brunch. Once I was done with all the mundane things that now made up my everyday life I looked over at my phone. I wanted to call Esme since I had told her that I would call more often but the time difference made it impossible. It would be too early back at home for a phone call so instead I decided to send her a text.

I opened my phone to discover a text message form Edward. He had been texting more as of lately and I had no one to blame but myself over that new development since I had started it by texting him a picture first.

_Good night. I hope your meet and greet went well. Thinking you-E_

His texts always got me. They left me feeling sad and empty since they were messages as if we were still together, which we are not since he made sure of that. I decided that this time I would answer him since typically I did not.

_The meet and greet was fine._

It was a simple message, but I did not feel like elaborating for him. I did not owe him after all and if he thought his text messages were a showing of good faith then he was wrong. I had moved past being hurt and now I was angry at him.

"Have you read his emails yet?" Riley asked me with a curious tone to his voice that he always took when he spoke of Edward.

"How did you get in here?" I asked him as I shut my phone and looked up at him letting some of my anger spill out on him.

Riley had grabbed my extra key and then proceeded to tell me to stop being such a stubborn rag and just read them, but now I was in no mood so I told him to go to hell which only made him laugh at me. It wasn't the reaction I was going for, but it worked on changing the subject.

The day went on and as it did my thoughts would drift back to the emails that were waiting for me to read from Edward. I knew that there were some answers in there; however I wasn't sure if I could trust them. I whole heartedly believed that anyone can lie on paper. He could type me whatever in an email, but I knew if I saw him face to face that it would be harder for him to lie. I knew that if I could look him in the eye as he spoke that I would be able to see the lie in his eyes. He couldn't hide from me in person like he could through a computer screen so that is why I was hesitant to read them.

After brunch I found myself back in my room waiting once more as Riley went to chance since he had spilled coffee on himself. I was with Rose when she noticed my bracelet. I was wearing my charm bracelet that Edward had given me for my 18th birthday with the heart on it. I had needed to feel him close during all of this chaos of the book since he was there for its inception. I had even found myself rubbing at the heart charm while speaking yesterday. It was horrible and comforting all at once.

After I explained to her about the bracelet she gave me a very understanding look, but said nothing more about it. I was thankful since I was concerned that after her pledge to unravel the mystery of the Cullen brothers last night that it would be a nonstop quest for the truth. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was ready for the truth anyway since I was sure that it would either break me or send me on a murderous rampage.

"Have you noticed that Riley is acting odd?" She asked me as she looked over at me with a questioning look. Of course she would notice him being off. She had made it her personal mission to get closer to him.

"I guess. I know that he is all worked up over seeing Victoria," I offered as I sat there.

"Why is that?" she asked me as if I had clue. I only shook my head that I was as lost as she was and then Riley walked in saying that he was ready. He also told us that we were terribly underdressed for dinner so we both were forced to change. I watched Rose leave, but Riley stayed in my room with me.

I grabbed my dressier pencil skirt and fitted blouse that Riley assured me made me look more in my twenties verses the 19 year old year girl that I was. I changed in the bathroom since he was out in my room waiting.

"You look amazing," he said with a smile as he sat there watching me slide on my heels. I rolled my eyes at him to let him know that the flirting could stop now.

It took forever for Rose to reappear, but when she did Riley scanned her over quickly with a heated look since Rose looked great. She had on more of a fitted black dress that was nice, but not over the top dressy. It was perfect for dinner. When Riley opened the door for us Rose winked at me to let me know that she hadn't missed his reaction either.

We all were in a pretty good mood, but it was obvious that Riley was especially excited. I found myself watching him after Rose had made a comment earlier about his behavior. He was acting odd. He was acting like a boy about to get a gift. It was almost comical.

We took a limo to some fancy looking restaurant that I would have never had picked out, but this is where Victoria wanted to meet so that is where we went. The host led us to a table where Vitoria was waiting and once we got there I noticed how Riley's eyes lit up. Now I was curious as to what was going on with Riley.

I looked over at Victoria to get her reaction, but she played it cool but just casually greeting him just as she had one with us. We ordered and then spoke of the tour, but I found myself studying her instead.

Victoria had to be about 30 to 35. She had long curly red hair that was as bright as the sun and there was no way that color was natural, however it did not look garish on her so I guess it was ok. She had a pretty face, but it looked hard as if she was in a perpetual state of irritation. Her eyes were smaller, but bright blue, almost a weird bright blue as if she was wearing colored contacts. The brightness of color in her eyes kind of made her look demonic. She had a great figure and large perky looking boobs that Rose had told me she was sure were fake when Victoria had gotten up to use the lady's room.

The really odd thing about it all was how Riley watched her. He would watch her with a smile. He liked her, but to me that was no surprise since he had a thing for older women and Victoria was beautiful.

Dinner continued on until I found Victoria talking to me about my personal life.

"So, how are things going without the boyfriend?" she asked me and this surprised me since I had never mentioned to her that I had broken up with my boyfriend.

"How did you know that we broke up?" I asked her as she looked at me with a sympathetic smile that screamed fakery.

"You told me before the tour remember?" she said as she nodded her head at me in a comforting manner. I had never told her anything like that.

"You know, it is always better to have a chance to start off on your new life with a fresh start. You know, no baggage," she offered in a confident voice as she looked at me with a fake smile.

"I never viewed him as baggage," I offered in an angry tone since for starters I hated having to talk about Edward with a person who knew nothing about it and secondly I hated her condescending attitude about it all.

"Yeah, well its better this way. You wouldn't want him to hold you back," she said in a dismissive tone that irked me more and then she just moved on the conversation to Rose.

I spent the rest of the night stewing in my own anger and discontentment as everyone else finished up dinner. We rode back to the hotel together as Riley talked very animated about how fucking awesome Victoria was. I think that the boy is blind.

Once back in my room I stripped off my clothes and changed into bed clothes. I called Esme and complained about Victoria. I told her what she had said and was shocked that Esme remained so damn silent over it all. There as something off here, but before I had time to get into it with Esme Rose pounded on my door, telling me I had move now. I ended my call with Esme, telling her I would call back soon so we could talk more and then I left with Rose.

Rosalie was insisting that I go to her room so with nothing better to do I left for across the hall with her in my pajamas. Once inside her room she motioned towards the spread of food that she had ordered from room service.

"What's going on?" I asked her as I looked from the food to her.

"Ok, I'll tell you, but don't get mad," she said with a sigh. I knew that statement could only lead to trouble so I sat down and waited for her to explain herself.

Rose told me that while she was changing for dinner she went into Riley's room and set up a video camera.

"Are you insane?" I asked her as I stood up to leave her and voyeur tendencies in her room alone.

"No, but aren't you curious as to why he is making such a big deal about Victoria?" she asked me as if it was normal to put a camera in people's rooms all the time.

"No, not that curious. What does it matter? You know he likes older women, maybe he likes her," I said as anger tinged my voice.

"Oh, come on Bella. It's a mystery and I want to know," she said as she whined at me motioning to sit down as I stood there.

I thought about it for a moment and then decided that I had nothing better to do tonight so I stayed.

"You know, no everything is a mystery," I said to her in a defeated tone as I grabbed some of the chips that she had on her table to eat.

"Yes, it is. Everything is a mystery Bella," she replied confidently to me as she opened a bottle of beer and handed it to me.

While we waited for Riley to come back to his room we talked. She told me about her interactions with Emmett.

"He's hiding something, I can feel it," she said and then burped in the most disgusting manner possible.

"Why are you still talking to him?" I asked her as I finished off my third beer for the evening.

"Well, I guess I'm trying to figure out what he's hiding. I keep mentioning you and he is now finally starting to respond. He asked me yesterday if you were still upset about Edward. I told him yes and I haven't heard back from him yet, but when I do I'll let you know," she offered as she gave me a smile, but it was obvious that she was enjoying making Emmett feel uncomfortable. I wanted to feel bad for him, but after he behaved the way he did I could not find it in me to feel bad at all.

It was at that moment that lights on the screen of Riley's room flicked on and Riley walked in. He had a person with him and we both gasped as we saw that it was Victoria. He quickly picked her up and tossed her on the bed before descending upon her in a passionate kiss.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed in surprise. I figured that he liked her, but I had no idea that he was doing her. I glanced over at Rose who was watching the screen with interest.

"Sorry Rose, I guess that means no Riley," I said softly since I knew that she liked him. It was too bad since I had really thought that Riley and Rose would have been a great match.

"It's not over yet. You know that Victoria is not supposed to be with him," Rose said as she clicked a couple of buttons and then smirked at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked her confused as to what the hell she was talking about.

"Shut up, Riley is about to get naked and I am dying to see if he is everything I think he is," Rose said in a teasing manner as her eyes were glued to the screen.

"Fucking pervert," I mumbled as I looked away.

"Like you don't want to know!" she exclaimed as she reached over and hit me playfully making me laugh.

"What I was saying was that Victoria cannot be with him in an intimate relationship. She works for the publishing company. It is in her contract that she cannot have relationships with the people she represents so what she is doing there could cost her the job," Rose said as she looked over at me with a smirk.

"How do you know this?" I asked her skeptical of why she knows this information.

"Because I was dating another agent before Victoria was mine. It almost cost him his job, that's how," she said with a big smile and then went back to the screen. The thought of Victoria lying to me as well as to the publishing company pissed me off and I told Rose all of it.

She agreed that it was suspect of Victoria to ask about the break up. She also mentioned that if Victoria knew that I was trying to get out of the tour that she would not have been above pushing to get me to go since that is where she makes the most of her money. It was those thoughts that got me thinking about Edward and the break up. There was no way he would have been so stupid as to have taken this evil woman at face value concerning my appearance on the tour. It had to be something else.

I looked over at Rose who was glued to the screen. It was quite the erotic sight as Riley had her on all fours as he fucked her hard from behind. Riley was beautiful and had an amazing body that took me by surprise. I tried not to watch since he was my friend, but I found myself watching him all the same. It was lustful, beautiful and disturbing. It kind of made me feel dirty watching like this

I listened to Rose sigh as we watched the sex filled scene play out in front of us on the small screen of the TV.

"I miss sex," I blurted out making Rose laugh at me.

"Well, we can always fix that," Rose said and then wiggled her eyebrows at me in a suggestive manner that made me roll my eyes. I should have known better than to say that Rosalie.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Hope you had a wonderful weekend! Mine was quite. I went running shoe shopping since I am going to try to do the couch to 5k program. If I happen to drop over dead in the process, never fear I will have my husband post the ending for me. Thank you all for reading!**

**Love,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	51. The day after

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

We were supposed to leave New York the next morning after the great Riley sex show, but Victoria had told us over dinner that we were needed for one more night here per the request of the publishing company so we stayed. I guess they had some large party planned where they were going to show off their authors. The thought of it kind of made me sick.

I awoke in Rose's room the following morning with a slight hangover from all the beer and feeling sick from what we had witnessed from the previous night even though I had passed out long before the show was over.

"About freaking time you're awake" Rose said with a yawn as I looked over at her with a tired yawn.

"What?" I asked her in a grumpy manner since I was tired still and kind of pissed that this was how I had spent my night.

"You need to get up and watch this," she said as she moved towards the chair by the little screen that we had watched Riley on last night.

"I know you like him and all, but really I don't think I can watch that again. I am sure I won't even be able to look him in the eye today after last night," I said as I continued to lay there hoping that she would just get over it. Don't get me wrong, Riley was beautiful to look at, but he was friend and well, he had nothing on Edward.

"I know I won't be looking him in the eye s either," Rose cackled like a dirty old woman while wiggling her eye brows at me as I rolled my eyes at her.

"Fucking pervert," I mumbled as I rolled back over so my back was towards her so I could ignore her properly.

"Get up lazy ass! You will want to watch this since they talked about you," Rose said and I could hear her messing with a machine, I'm guessing that she taped last night's activities.

"Did you tape them?" I asked her shocked that she would do that, but I guess I should not have been so shocked since she did put the camera in the room after all. I sat up and turned to look at her as I made my accusation.

"Yeah, the people at the publishing company will never believe me without proof," she replied as if it was no big deal. I looked at her as if she had lost her mind since to me she had.

"Just get over here," she replied to me and then rolled her eyes at my surprise of her actions.

I walked over there slowly since the room was still spinning a bit for me and then sat down in the chair I had sat in last night to watch whatever it was that she was insisting that I watch.

"You will not believe this," she muttered as she fast forwarded through the sex scene as I looked away since seeing that once was enough for me.

"Here,' she said as she stopped the recording. I looked over at the screen and saw Riley and Victoria lying in bed together. I reached over to turn up the volume since I could not hear what they were saying.

_"How are you and the great Bella Swan getting along?" Victoria asked in a teasing manner as she rubbed his chest slowly._

_ "Leave Bella alone, she's a great kid and I like her," Riley replied in a warning tone as he moved away from Victoria a little._

_ "Don't mention her boyfriend to her since she is still heartbroken over him," he said as he turned a little so he could see her better._

_ "She should be thanking me for getting rid of him," Victoria replied with a snarky laugh that seemed to set Riley on edge a little._

_ "What did you do?" he asked her in s serious tone that seemed to surprise Victoria a little by how deadly he looked at her._

_ "I did nothing, but talk to the boy, that's all" Victoria replied sweetly to Riley as he rolled his eyes at her._

_ "I talked to him. He's as broken over this as she is so you must have done something," Riley said as he moved further away from her once more even though Victoria was holding out her arms to him as if inviting an embrace._

_ "I did nothing, but tell him the truth," Victoria said with a slight laugh as she looked at Riley._

Rose shut off the recording and looked at me.

"Well?" she asked as I sat there dumbfounded, trying to absorb the conversation that I had just witnessed. My mind was racing with all the information that had been presented.

Had Edward really been so blinded to believe whatever lie she told him? What was the truth that she spoke of? Is this why he left?

I took a deep breath as I tried to steady myself, but instead was overcome with the need to vomit. I bolted out of the chair and ran to bathroom, making it just in time as I started to puke. I purged myself of last night's food and drink while Rose walked in behind me. She was rubbing my back in a comforting manner that surprised me a little since Rose not at all like that.

"You ok?" she asked me as I finally finished up and then flushed the toilet. I sat back on the cold tile floor and looked at her with what I was sure could only be a confused look.

"I need to talk to Edward," I whispered to her as I started to cry a little. I needed to know if this was the reason he was so cruel. I felt the burning need to destroy him start to rage within me as I thought about how senseless this all was.

"Let's hold up on that and make sure that Victoria actually did something before we go and confront him about what happened with her," Rose said in a calm manner as she looked at me with an evaluating eye.

After a moment of silence I got up and excused myself back to my room. I needed to shower and just think. I grabbed my clean clothes and started the shower, enjoying the silence that was my empty room.

My mind was racing as I thought about what I had witnessed. I was sure that Riley was not a part of it by how he acted. He seemed concerned that Victoria had actually done something so I was not going to cut myself off from him. He was a friend and there was a pretty good chance just by now knowing Victoria's character that he was being screwed over somehow as well.

After my shower I grabbed my phone to call Carlisle. I needed his help and if that made me weak then so be it.

"Bella, darling, how are you?" he said with such a happy tone as he answered the phone for me.

"Carlisle, I need your help," I replied and then proceeded to tell him what I needed. I needed him to find me a new agent. I knew that Esme's sister was married to an attorney in Chicago who had ties to the industry. I needed someone I could trust. I needed someone who understood their job was to promote my work, not interfere with my personal life.

"What happened?" he asked me after I explained what I needed. I was not about to go into with Carlisle, so I just told him that I needed new representation and any help he could offer me would be great. He assured me that he would do all he could and would contact me later today. We said our good bye and then hung up the phone.

Carlisle may be Edward's dad, but I knew I could trust him. I knew that he would not lead me astray in finding a new agent. My mind was put to ease a little bit over that as I sank down on the bed letting that small bit of relief wash over me.

"Hey beautiful," Rile called as he opened my door. I really needed to get that key card back from him.

I looked up at him as he stood there in jeans and a t-shirt and felt myself blush. I could not look this guy in the eyes since I now knew too much about him.

"Why are you blushing?" he asked me teasingly as flopped down on my bed. He was in such a good mood and I knew why.

I fought with myself for a moment reminding myself that it was Riley and not a big deal since he was like a brother to me. A brother that I had seen have sex with a much older woman. Yuck!

"Riley, do you think Victoria is a good agent?'I asked him suddenly, catching him off guard since he looked shocked as he looked over at me.

"What do you mean?" he asked me in a concerned tone as he looked around me for a moment as if he was on candid camera, little did he know that he was on camera last night.

"I mean, I just think that she is too involved with people's personal lives. She doesn't need to ask me anything concerning my break up with Edward," I offered as an explanation as I watched him relax a little.

"She also should not be having sex with you," I threw out there on a whim and watched him cringe at my words. He scrambled to stand up and looked at me with a guilty look as he tried to deny it. I lied to him and told him that I could him last night in Rosalie's room. Well, it wasn't such a lie since I could hear him with the volume on the TV.

"Ok, Bella, I'm dating her. I know I shouldn't. I know that Vicky could lose her job, but we love each other so it's no big deal. We just have to keep it quiet. Will you keep it quiet for me?" he asked me with such an earnest look that I was taken back.

I guess he really liked her and that shocked me since Victoria was just so…slimy. I nodded my head at him that I could since I was not about to let him down in that area, I would leave that to Rose.

We looked at each other for a moment before there was a knock on the door announcing Rose's arrival. We had made plans for more site seeing today since we were needed here one more night before leaving to Boston.

The day went fast and Rose kept her sexual innuendos at a minimum which surprised me. I had told her when Riley was busy with shopping that I was making plans to switch agents to a new one. Rose told me that she planned on turning Victoria in and if I was with on her this we could possibly get her to lose her job since I was a bit of a money maker for the company at the current time.

We had just stopped for lunch when my phone buzzed announcing a text message. It was from Edward.

_Dad said you called. Are you ok?_

I figured that Carlisle would tell him that I called. Was I ok? I wasn't sure. If he had broken up over Victoria telling him to then I wasn't ok. If this was the case then I was pissed because it would have been him being a total asshole making decisions for me that was not his to make.

_I'm ok. I just need a new agent since I don't like the one I have. She is too involved with my personal life._

I thought this text would let him know without coming out and saying anything just yet. I knew Rose was right. I needed to find out what Victoria had done before I started making accusations and even then nothing really changes what happened with Edward. If he broke up with me over the tour that doesn't change the fact that he never came back when I had my accident. It doesn't change the fact that he never called and never cared. The more I thought about it the more pissed I became.

The rest of the day wore on and soon we were back in our rooms getting dressed for the night. The publisher was hosting a large party and trotting all their show ponies with myself included as a promotion for the company and its investors.

It was going to be boring and I hated being lead around as if I was there to perform. I hated the whole concept of it, but I would do it since that was what was asked of me. I had always done what was asked of me, but looking back I should have thought this one through a little more.

**AN:  
Hello All! Thanks for reading and reviewing! ** **Not much to say today except Happy Tuesday! Oh…and that I luv you all for all your kind words that you send my way!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**Xxoo**


	52. The company party

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight

I pulled put my dress that I had packed for dressy occasions. It was the one I wore to prom, but since the thing was a cocktail dress it would work just fine. I could not help, but to think about the last time I wore it. I thought of how Edward peeled the dress off me that night. How he kissed my back as it was exposed inch by inch as he released the zipper. How he insisted that I wear the heels and stocking as he made love to me hard and fast in his room while his parents were still chaperoning the dance.

I shook my head to clear those thoughts and instead choose to think of Edward leaving me. I was angry and while I had no proof I was certain that he had dumped me because of Victoria. I grabbed my phone and decided that now the time I would listen to his other voice messages from the time the accident. I had listened to the first one after getting my phone back shortly after the accident and it left me with 11 calls still waiting for me.

I dialed my voice message and began to listen. The first nine messages were all the same and taken within minutes of each other. It was him wanting me call him back and quickly. All of them were his velvety voice stuttering with nerves and as we reached the final one there was concern in his voice as he asked me to call him back. I waited to feel the pain of hearing his voice, but it never came, instead I was filled with anger.

I felt the rage pass through since I knew as he called me at that time I was laying dying on the sidewalk and he was 2000 miles away because he chose to be there. As our child died within me he was calling me, asking me to call him back thinking it was over some damn ring, as if that fucking mattered. I was angry and I have had it with him.

Where was he the weeks leading up that night? He was nowhere to be found so the idea that he would have listened to some whore agent of mine did nothing, but make me mad. He didn't make the decision for me; he instead chose not to be with me. He chose it and had done nothing since then to prove otherwise.

I finished dressing and waited as the anger coursed through me. I was sitting there with a scowl on my face as riley walked through my door and stopped to look at me.

"Easy there Tiger," he said as I stood up and faced him. It was obvious that I was pissed and he could see it.

"What has you piss off?" he asked as he looked me over slowly.

"I listened to Edward's voice messages from when I was hit by that damn moped and you know what?" I asked him as I waved my hands around like the crazed person I had become. Riley didn't say anything, but instead shook his head no as his eyes went wide as saucers while looking at my melt down.

"He can go fuck himself! He called me about a ring, Riley! A ring!" I nearly yelled as I looked at him with rage coursing through me.

"Bella…" he started to say as he held up his hands in defeat. What he was so defeated over I had no idea.

"No, Riley. Don't start with me. I am done. I am done with him and I am done with the past," I said as I looked at Riley who looked a little hurt by my outburst.

"Have you read his emails at all?' Riley offered as he looked at me and then looked away as if looking at me hurt.

"No, and I don't plan on it. It doesn't matter what he says can't you see? No matter what he says it doesn't change that he walked away from me and he wasn't there when I was hurt. He didn't call, send flowers, show up, or anything. He didn't have time for me then so I don't have time for him now," I replied in a cold voice that even surprised me a little.

"He got to make all the decisions then and so I am making them now. I don't have time for Edward Cullen and his lame excuses. Edward and his excuses can go to hell. I am ready to move on and that's what I plan on doing tonight," I said as I raged at him even though Riley didn't deserve it.

Riley looked at me and then shook his head in agreement before motioning me on out the door. I found Rose waiting in the hall for me. She was dressed to the nines in a red cocktail dress that made Riley hiss a little as he saw her. I snickered to myself as I walked past them towards the elevator. I could hear Rose asking him what my problem was and him trying to explain that I was moving on which made Rose laugh. I wanted to smack her, but I didn't.

I tried to calm down in the elevator but it was a losing battle since I was already so worked up. I took a few calming breathes and then got in the limo that was waiting for us outside. By the time we arrived at the party I was calm and had settled with myself that it was time to move on, after all he had, so I should too.

The party was for all parts lame. I was lead through the room being introduced to people as if I had created the cure for cancer instead of just written a stupid book. I spoke with people who were in awe of my age. I talked with some that wanted to know if there were any real life inspirations that helped with the book. I nodded my head when people would ask if I had another book in the works. Over all it was boring and I was ready to leave after about an hour of this torture.

Around midnight I felt some one grab my arm. I looked over to find Rose who was smiling at me.

"Have you met the new wonder boy yet?" she asked me with a whispered laugh. I knew exactly who she was speaking about. Chad Jens was a 17 year old boy who had written some action packed, sex filled drama that was pulling teen boys into reading.

He was here with his mom and yes, I had met him. He was a typical 17 year old boy with his average looks, but thought that he was special because he wrote a book. Big deal, half of us in this room had written something.

We laughed about his lame pick up line since this Chad thought he was a real ladies man, but in all honesty he was just a 17 year old boy who used lines from movies to try to pick women up. I had watched Victoria fawn all over him, much to Riley's dismay.

Rose and I left to go to the ladies room together, but not before Riley teased us about bathroom breaks being a group thing for women. We both laughed as we left while he promised to get us both a drink. It had been a long night and we were kind of forced into staying at least another hour as things started to wind down a bit.

In the ladies room as we walked in we both could hear what sounded like a couple in the far stall. I looked over at Rose with a sneaky grin as I tried to block the memories of the time that Edward and I snuck off during school to have sex in the bathroom. Rose looked back at me wiggled her eyebrows and laughed a little as went about our business.

Once we both stepped out of the stalls and started to wash our hands the noises became louder. I looked over at the closed door of the occupied stall and could see a woman on her knees while a man was standing there. I laughed a little and motioned to Rose who looked as well.

We were trying to hurry up with washing our hands when the guy started to talk. He was saying things that were like lines from a porno. I looked at Rose and rolled my eyes until it dawned on me who was talking. It was Chad Jens. He was in the last stall getting sucked off by some woman from the party.

It must have dawned on Rose who it was at the same time since she looked at me with amused horror look as well as the guy spoke, stuttering phases of horrible words.

We both turned towards the stall and stared as if we were watching a train wreck, but couldn't turn away. It was shocking and horrible and yet kind of funny all at once.

"That's it! Suck it bitch!" he exclaimed loudly in such a porno voice that as I looked at Rose she broke out into laughter. I followed her cackling like a hen at his words and tone. It was so wrong and so funny that I could not help myself.

At our laughter the couple behind the door stopped and after one moment the door swung open. Chad Jens stormed out to read us the riot act, but we just laughed at him like the insane women we were. It wasn't until the woman slid out behind him that we fell silent since it was Victoria who stepped out with a cheeky grin for us.

I looked at her and was shocked. Victoria had been with Riley. Riley loved her and here she was on her knees in the ladies room sucking off a 17 year old boy. I stood there open mouthed as if waiting for words to come to me, but Rose had no problems with her words.

"You filthy whore!" she exclaimed as she pointed at Victoria, who merely laughed at us as if we were the ones who had done something wrong.

"Chad, go on back to your mother. I'm sure that she is wondering where you are," Victoria said as she dismissed the boy who was still glaring at us.

"What about Riley?" I asked her as I found my words; all the while my heart was breaking for my friend who was waiting outside.

"What about him? He knows he's not the only one," she said with a smile, but I knew that wasn't true.

"You constantly hurt people don't you? It's all about getting what you wanted and screw everyone else," I replied to her with shock still settling in over me as to what I had witnessed.

"Bella that is the industry. You'll figure that out," she said calmly as she washed her hands.

"No it is not. No one treats people like that," I replied to her as I watched her with disgust.

"Yes, they do and you are just being naïve," she replied with a sweet smile as if I was a small child. I thought for a moment and I decided that I would ask what she had said to Edward since even though nothing had changed over what he had done, I still wanted know what was said. I needed to know what could have been said to make him decide to walk away.

"What did you say to Edward?" I asked her and then cringed as she laughed at me.

"What makes you think that I had spoken to him?"She asked me sweetly as she watched me in the mirror while she checked her hair.

"Because Riley told me," I replied to her and then smiled a little as I watched her pale in the mirror.

"You want to know?" she asked me, showing her temper a little as her voice rose a bit towards me. I nodded my head yes.

"He was easy. I told him that he was nothing but a hindrance to you. That if he could not get you on the tour that someday you would hate him for holding you back, just like your mother hated your father. That is the reason why she left right?" Victoria said in a cold manner that made my blood boil in my veins.

"He could not bear the thought of you hating him," Victoria chuckled as she looked at me with a nasty smirk on her face.

"The poor boy even cried like the baby he is, but let me tell you I can see why you were with him. He was delicious," she purred as she looked at me. I stepped closer and suddenly Rose was there in between us as if she was trying to prevent me from hitting Victoria, but there was no need since I would not have hit her. I was not about to disgrace myself like that.

Victoria turned and left leaving us alone in the ladies room. I looked over at Rose who looked as shocked as I was.

"Riley. We need to go to Riley," Rose muttered as she stood by me, but I was lost in my own world.

I was thinking about Edward. She told him I would hate him like my mom hated my dad. Of all the options to play to try to get him to leave, Victoria knew exactly which one to play. Edward was one of the few people who knew that mom resented dad because I had told him so. He knew that she blamed my dad for getting her pregnant with me, even though it takes two to make a baby. He knew that my mom left him because in her mind he had held her back from her dreams and Edward would never want to do that to me.

I could feel the tears start to form as I stood there shell shocked over the conversation. Rose looked at me and gave me a hug.

"Bella," was all she said as she hugged me while I cried over the information I was given.

Edward left me so I could follow my dreams, but he was too dumb realize that he was my dream, not the book. It was sad and it made me feel horrible, but I tried to reign it in since I had another friend sitting out there that was about to have his world implode once more when he finds out that his girlfriend was nothing but a two bit whore that cheated on him.

I wiped at my tears and made a silent promise to myself to deal with this information later as I tried to pull myself together. I looked at Rose since I had no idea how we would go forward from here with Riley. I felt that he needed to know, but Rose got me to agree that we needed to get him out of here first.

We left the bathroom and were greeted by a very nervous looking Riley.

"Jesus, you two took long enough! I was starting to get worried," he commented as he looked us over with a concerned eye. I wondered if he could tell that I had been crying.

We left after that and returned to the hotel. We insisted that Riley stay us and have a sleep over. We all drank and talked about the evening, but we never mentioned finding Victoria. Rose assured me that we should tell him when Victoria was not so close by, but the truth was burning in me like a slow fire. I knew I would not be able to hold off from telling him for long.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thanks for reading!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	53. The confrontation with Esme

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

Riley stayed with us and we all curled up to sleep on the large king sized bed in my room with Riley in the middle. He joked about how this was as close to a threesome that he had ever been. We were all about a sleep when his phone went off and he took the call. It was Victoria. My heart hurt as I listened to him talk to her. I knew I would have to tell him no matter what Rose thought.

It was with heavy heart that I waited on the chair in the dark for him to emerge from the bathroom where he was hiding out to talk to her. Rose was already asleep so it was just me sitting there in the dark waiting.

After a few minutes Riley appeared and jumped a little as he saw me there.

"I'm sorry if I woke you," he offered in a soft tone as he looked at me, but I just smiled a little to tell him there was no harm done.

He asked me if I wanted to talk about the whole Edward thing and I did. I needed a guy's opinion. I needed to know what he thought, but this wasn't the time.

"Riley, I have something terrible to tell you so would you please sit down?" I asked him as I motioned for the chair on the other side of me. He looked at me with a worried look, but sat down any way.

It was with a heavy heart that I told him what I saw with Victoria. I watched the shocked look register on his face as I spoke. I told him that he was better than that whore and if he opened his eyes there was a woman sleeping over there that thought he was pretty damn amazing so he might want to give her a chance as I motioned towards Rose.

Riley sat there shocked for a few minutes and then he questioned me a bit before thanking me for telling him. We sat in an awkward silence afterwards just staring into the dark until he spoke again.

"You know, I have something to tell you as well," he started and then told me about a drunken Edward showing up at James's house when we were in Forks.

I wasn't surprised by it since I now knew what had happened with Victoria. What I was surprised by was his mentioning Esme as if she knew about it. I questioned him and he assured me that Esme appeared to be well aware of why her son was so upset.

I felt betrayal run through my veins as I thought of Esme knowing what Edward had done and she had not told me anything about it. She had always been on my side, but I guess things were different now.

"Bella, I know that I have pushed things concerning Edward and really that is because you would have had to have seen how broken he was that night, but you know, you are right. Edward left so you could have your dream knowing full well that you might not come back to him after he set you free. He has made no attempts outside of some emails to try to fight for you so I am not going to push it any more ok? I promise that I'm done," he offered in a quite tone as if he was making a peace treaty with me. I nodded as an acknowledgement as he spoke. Yes, we could have peace between us.

"What is this about you switching agents?" he finally asked as he changed the topic to one that would not make me cry any more.

We spoke for a while and then we went back to bed with him curled in behind me. It was the most comfortable I had been since Edward left.

We all slept late in the morning until we finally had to get up to leave. Riley hugged Rose first thing in the morning telling her that he knew and that it was ok. Rose had been shocked by it, but welcomed his hug anyway.

That morning I was tired and grumpy. I was in no mood to deal with people based on my lack of sleep and my being pissed off over Edward's lame excuses. Unfortunately it was that morning that Esme called me.

I tried to be pleasant as I explained my itinerary fore the next couple of weeks. I tried to be nice as she lamented on about poor Edward. I tried to show interest as she told how Emmett and Edward were at odds again and how she hoped they could get along this up coming weekend since they both would be home. It would be her and Carlisle's 30th wedding anniversary so there would be a party. I told her I was sorry that I would miss it and then mentally made a note to send a gift.

I managed to make it through the call almost all the while I felt her betrayal burning in my blood like acid. I bit my tongue from all the smart ass comments I had when she would sigh and tell me how I needed to come home. I coughed to keep from laughing when she told me how she knew that I was hurting too. She had no fucking idea and obviously she did not care.

While she spoke all I could think of was how she knew. She knew that when Edward left to come back to Iowa that he was on a mission to break my heart. She knew and didn't warn me. She knew and helped him do it. Anger seethed through my system as she spoke her soft words and when she told me that I should give Edward a chance to explain I lost my mind.

"You think I should let him explain?" I asked her as she paused in her soap box rant about Edward.

"Yes, honey, I think that you should hear him out," she offered to me and I could tell she was smiling on the other end of the phone.

"I think that he made a decision and well, now fuck him. He wanted me to live my dream and now I am doing it. He wanted to push the little birdie out of the nest, well watch me fly," I countered back as I seethed with anger. Esme was quiet as she listened to my rant.

"I take it you know about your agent," she replied softly in a regret filled tone.

"Yes, I know, but what I can't believe is that he would have done that or that you would have let him without warning me!" I yelled into the phone liked the crazed woman I had become.

"Bella, I told him not. I told him nothing good would come of this. I told him that this would end badly,' she rambled on in a nervous tone.

"But you helped him anyway. You had his stuff packed up and on the road that Monday he was back so all he had to do was break me and then jump on a plan Tuesday night," I countered as I started t hyperventilate. Riley had walked in at this point and was watching me worriedly as if I would stop breathing.

"Bella, I had to-" she began out, but I cut off as my anger over flowed through me.

"You had to do nothing! Whatever happened to us girls need to stick together!" I yelled at her and then went on without giving her a chance to respond.

"Do you know what he said to me when he broke up with me? Do you know how mean he was? Did he tell you that he spent all of Saturday and Sunday fucking me before dumping me in the most heartless of manners?" I yelled and then tried to take breath, but it was hard since I just could seem to breathe.

"Did you know he told me that he didn't want me? Did you know that he told me everything he said was a lie? Just pretty words? Did you know this? Did you know that he was going to take my heart and stomp on it like it was nothing?" I yelled at her and then paused trying to breathe. Riley had moved closer now and had placed a hand on my back while watching me with concern in his gentle eyes.

"Bella, I had no idea-" she started as I had stopped screaming. I could tell that she was crying now, but I didn't care. I had cried a million tears over her son so it did not matter to me if she shed a few.

"He left me! He walked away leaving me broken and pregnant! He has done nothing to show me that he is sorry or that he was wrong or that he even cares anymore!" I yelled into the phone and watched as Riley's eyes widened in surprise.

"Pregnant?" Esme questioned in a stunned voice that I did not register.

"Yes! You claim we are family, but with family like this I do not need enemies!" I yelled as I fought for air.

"Edward and Emmett can both go to hell I don't need either one of them and so can you!" I yelled and then hung up on her as I panted trying to catch my breath. I looked over at Riley as he stared at me in shock.

I slumped into the chair like a wet noodle. I was suddenly spent from burning all my energy up in yelling at Esme. It wasn't right of me to do that, but I had enough.

Slowly, I caught my breath and all the while Riley sat there with me rubbing my arm that he was closet to. He had a worried look on his face as he watched me that made me want to laugh.

"Really, I'll be fine," I offered to him as I looked over at him with a laugh.

"Bella, do you realize that you told her that you were pregnant?" he asked me as he looked at me with concern.

Esme was one of the last people I had ever planned on telling, well, her and Edward, but there I went yelling in her face. I felt myself go even weaker as I shook my head at my own stupidity. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer that Esme did not understand me while I had been yelling at her just as Riley had my hand in a comforting manner. He whispered his assurances that all would be fine, but I wasn't so sure about that any more.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Thanks for reading ! **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	54. Moving on

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I told Riley I would fine and ushered him out of the room so I could get dressed. I did not need him hovering today. Once I was in the shower I was able to catch my breath and think with more clarity. I reasoned with myself that Esme needed to know. She needed to know that her son had been prick. She needed to know that I had been abandoned by her and him while carrying his child. She needed to know the truth, or at least my version of it.

When I got out of the shower I had convinced myself that all would be fine even thought I had a foreboding feeling about me that all was far from fine. I waited in my room alone for Rose and Riley and as I did I suddenly found myself wishing that I was a fly on the wall of the Cullen house when Esme confronted Edward about her new information concerning her poor son.

I wanted to know if he would feel bad or if he would react with non emotion. I guess I wanted to know if he ever cared at all about me, the possibility of a baby and what was our life together. I told myself that it didn't matter what he felt since he had done nothing recently outside of some lame text messages to show me that he cared at all. If he had loved me or still loves me as others have claimed he would have done something by now and he hasn't so the case was closed.

As I sat there waiting in the silence my phone went off. I looked at the ID and discovered that it was Esme. I had nothing more to say to her so I let her call go to voice mail. I wasn't ready to deal with her again.

Rosalie waltz back into the room and soon we were on the way. We had pack and were on our way to the airport so we could make it to Boston. We had another get together at a book store waiting for us. I could feel my phone buzzing in my pocket like an angry bee as we took a cab to the air port. I guess Esme was not giving up.

The flight was a short one and soon we were on our way to the hotel that we would be staying at. Riley kept watching me closely as we waited to get to where we needed to be. I would look at him and remind him that I was fine, but he kept watching.

He claimed that he was just worried. He was worried about me and how well I could handle all of the fall out that would come my way with the Cullen's knowing the truth. I would remind him that I was fine and to just drop it.

Boston was no different that New York when it came to the book store. There were people everywhere with signs and homemade t-shirts. The crowd was excited and you could feel the energy in the air as we all were introduced.

I found it hard to answer questions over my characters. I found it difficult to lie about Preston being such a great guy since it was too close to Edward. I would try not to think about Edward as I sat on that make shift stage, but it was hard since so much of the book was Edward. I comforted myself by telling myself that I would write his demise in my next book so I never had to speak of him again.

After it was over and we had our pictures taken with the shop owners we were sent on our way. I was ready to call it day since I was so damn tired and I passed on dinner with Rose and Riley just to get to bed to finally sleep.

Once in my hotel room I absorbed the silence and finally pulled out my phone to look at the messages. Esme had called me several times, but nothing from Edward so it meant one of two of things. Either Esme never called him or he just doesn't care.

I picked up my phone and listened to Esme's tear filled messages. She was sorry. She had no idea. She was sure that Edward was only trying to make sure I would go. She was sure that Edward was only doing what he thought was best. She had told him not to. She knows that we still love each other. She knows that we can work it out. She wanted me to know that I was still her daughter.

I rolled my eyes at all of these statements. She was still trying to cover for him since there nothing about what had happened since he left. She did not mention the simple fact that Edward left and did not look back. I felt my anger rising as I thought about it all and then it dawned on me that she had not mentioned the pregnancy. I smiled to myself thinking that I had gotten away with a very large blunder, but when I heard the last message I knew that wasn't the case.

_Bella, I cannot tell you how sorry I am about what happened. I cannot image how scared you must have been alone and pregnant. I wish you would have called me. I would have been there I swear. Will you please tell me what happened to the baby? Please call me back._

I closed my phone and thought about calling her. I wanted to tell her that there were no worries since the baby was gone, but I guess she figured out that much from the last time she saw me and I wasn't pregnant. Maybe she thought I still was. Who knows who cares? I prayed that she would not tell Edward. She hadn't mentioned telling him, but she was his mom so I was sure that she would tell him evidentially.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what Edward's response to the news would be. I wondered if he would be shocked or if that non caring asshole smirk of his would make an appearance. I wondered how Emmett had kept this information quiet for so long from his family. When I had exhausted myself I finally found peace enough to sleep.

In the morning it all started again since we would leave and move on to the next place. In Boston we actually went to a couple of different book stores. We also were on their local version the Today show. It was different and nerve wracking all at once.

I was shocked over people's reaction to the book. Girls and women were falling in love with Preston and all the while I would nearly gag as I had to talk about him. I was surprised over how well my professional life was going while my private life was in absolute shambles.

I would end out my day looking at my phone which had remained silent since Esme's last message. I wondered what Edward was doing and I wondered if he knew. I found myself missing him still which only pissed me off since I would think of how he could have been with me if he had thought things through even just a little.

There had been no need to break things off. He had over reacted as usual. He had listened to some whore that was thinking in dollar signs. He had not talked to me about the tour beyond the fact that I should go. When we did speak of it we talked that we could make it through a 12 week separation, which it would tough, but workable. Edward just took matters into his own hands and created this mess.

The week ended and as it our time in Boston came to an end. We were moving on to another city, which I believed was Philadelphia. I had discovered that Rose had forwarded the tape of Riley and Victoria to the publishing company only after she spoke to their legal department who assured her that Riley would receive no reprimand for his involvement with Victoria. Rose was a sneaky one.

The weekend left us in Philadelphia. I had never been there, but I had never really been anywhere to speak of. It was a nice large city and we were left to our own devices. I thought of Esme and Carlisle since their party was this weekend. I had decided that even though I was upset with them I would still send a gift. It was the right thing to do and they had always welcomed me in their house. I sent them off a lovely flower arrangement filled with roses and lilies to let them know that I was thinking of them on their special day since after all 30 years of marriage is a long time to tolerate someone.

I had also made other important decisions that weekend. I had decided that I needed to find a home of my own since I really did not have one. My father's house James lived in and the Cullen house, well, let's just say I have no intention of going back there.

After much deliberation I decided that I would live in Seattle once the tour of over. I would go to college at the University of Washington since I just could not see being back in Iowa. I would buy a house and live there in my most treasured Pacific Northwest. I had made plans to contact a real estate agent who could assist me in looking for a home and then finally I contacted James.

I would need James to assist in getting what personal items were left behind at the Cullen house. I asked him how I could go about that legally and he just told me that he would arrange it so not to worry. I gladly left that up to him since I did not want to deal with any of them at this time.

I knew that my belongings being removed from the house would cause a commotion so I had asked James to make it as discrete as possible. I tried to explain to him that I was just done and it was time to move on. James didn't ask any questions, he just agreed that he would take care of it.

I didn't realize that the weekend would be setting off a chain reaction that I had not intended. I did not realize that everything would boil over at that point. Looking back I should have waited, but hindsight is always 20/20.

**AN:**

**Hello all! This is short & just a filler chapter, but I needed it to get where I was going. I will say that Edward is about to find out everything and maybe go a little nuts. The better version of his response will be in his story Betrayed. I am working on the next chapter so I hope to have that up soon. Thanks for reading! I love you all!**

**Take care!**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	55. The warning

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The days were passing and as they did I had no idea of the storm that hit the Cullen house the weekend of the anniversary party, or at least I didn't yet. While they were dealing with the freak of the century I was blissfully over 2000 miles away avoiding their calls.

I actually wasn't aware of anything until Char called me about a week later when I was in Atlanta. I looked at my phone to see who was calling as it rang since Esme and Edward had taken to calling me more often and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was Char.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Miss Hollywood? Have you forgotten little people so quickly?" I could hear her tease through the receiver.

She was right by teasing since my life had basically exploded in the last couple of weeks. When Rosalie sent off the video of Victoria with Riley things went kind of bad. Victoria was approached by it and was not removed from her position since she was a valuable member of team. This was just code words for _she makes them a lot of money_. She was not terminated, but I still had hopes that I could make that happen.

Victoria was mad at us since we had exposed her as the slut she was so she had taken to making our life on the road hell. We would show up in town and discover our hotel rooms canceled or times of meeting incorrect. She had gone so far as to let the photogs of where we would be staying so they could hound us for picture since as it turns out our readers were interested in our personal lives. Because of sudden interest photos were popping up everywhere from E TV to Tiger beat magazine. I could not leave the hotel without my picture taken and it was annoying.

Victoria had also leaked to the press that Riley and I were romantically involved which was so far from the truth that it was comical. We tried to laugh things off, but the lies were everywhere.

"OH, shut it Char! You know I've been busy," I replied with a yawn since I was so damn tired. Life on the road was killing.

"I know you've been busy I have been following your blog and your information on the Daily Ten show," she said with a laugh that made me roll my eyes. I will say that I have embraced my life as it is now since I had no other life to speak of.

Char and I spoke about what was going on. It was nice to talk with someone who was just interested in me, not my characters or what I might be able to do for them since that was all the people I was running into now.

After a while the conversation turned a little deeper as it always did when we spoke.

"So, I went to the Esme and Carlisle's anniversary party," she started out and I instantly felt a little sick. Anytime anyone mentioned the Cullen's I felt I little sick.

"Emmett was there. He brought home a girl,' she said softly as if she was easing me into the conversation.

"Oh, really?" I responded with a sigh. I didn't really care about Emmett, but I guess it was good to know that he had moved on.

"Yeah, I guess her name is Veronica," Char offered up as she laughed a little. I asked her if she was a blonde who seemed a little on the skanky side which made her laugh while she agreed.

"Emmett is in love with her or so he says," Char said with another laugh as I laughed along with her. It was big news if Emmett was announcing that he was in love since he never made such claims. It was always Edward that would make such bold declarations.

"Yeah, the word is that she is knocked up," Char said with a laugh and I felt my blood run cold a little at the words. I didn't care that Emmett had gotten someone pregnant I was just concerned over where this conversation was going.

"Yeah, it was odd since Emmett and Edward went outside to talk, which is odd as hell since they never talk. I guess Emmett needed to tell him something and the next thing that happened was that they were screaming at each other and rolling around beating the shit out of each other," she said with a hollow laugh that was met with silence.

I knew at that moment that Emmett had told Edward. I knew it. I felt in my bones that he would have told him about me, about the baby, about everything. I felt myself start to get sick at the thought.

"You should have seen it. Edward knocked the hell out of Emmett. He had it coming though with some of things that he was saying," Char said softly as I held my breath.

She didn't elaborate, but I knew what he could have been saying and what he was mostly saying to Edward.

"Edward lost his mind and just pounded the shit out of him. I have never seen Edward win a fight against Emmett so it was quite the show," she finished up by saying to me with a sad sigh. I waited for her to say something more, but she didn't.

"I thought that you should know about this. You know, so you are prepared," she offered as she spoke softly to me in a caring manner that was just so much like her.

"Why?" I asked her as I as sat there filling incredibly stupid about everything in my life.

"Because Edward left to find you before the party was ever over. He left so you could talk face to face. I know how much you hate surprises so I am letting you know in advance so that there is no surprise for you," she offered to me as she sighed softly into the phone.

We wrapped our conversation and said good bye, but I was already lost in my head. Edward was on his way to find me. He wanted to talk face to face. He wanted to see me. I knew what was coming. I knew what he wanted to talk about, I just wasn't sure that I wanted to talk to him, but no I would have no choice.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Thanks for reading and reviewing! The show down between Edward and Emmett as well as what Emmett actually said will be in Betrayed so just so you know if you are interested.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	56. The first time he found me

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

After Char's warning of Edward's pending arrival I was on notice. I knew Edward, or at least I thought I had anyway. I knew that in the past he was sneaky and appeared out of nowhere at times, but I smiled to self as I remembered that I had a slight advantage in the fact that I knew he was coming.

I told Riley and rose about Edward coming to look for me and was kind of surprised by their response. They thought that his timing was bad. They both agreed that on the road in the middle of a book tour was no place to hash out the past. I was kind of shocked by this since they had always been one to support the idea of Edward and me talking, but it was Rose who surprised me even more with her comments.

"Bella, I get that he wants to talk to you, but he's had almost 5 months to talk to you and now is the time he tries to hunt you down. Where was he in October or November or hell, even December? I think I know you well enough that if he would have approached you before the tour started even after the shitastic way that he ended things that you would have at least wanted to hear him out," Rose said with a shrug of her shoulders as she looked at me.

She was right. I had been dying to hear from him all of October and November and he was no show. Hell, if he would have showed up at the hospital when I got hurt and told me about why he broke up with me I would have taken him back no questions asked, but here we are almost 5 months later and I'm not sure any more.

Rose took it upon herself to contact our security team and advice them of Edward. She told me that it wasn't fair that he would fuck up the tour like that for everyone and yes, if he made a scene it would affect Rose and Riley too. I agreed with her. The tour was no place for a talk even if a talk was needed.

We had our first meet and greet in Atlanta at a very large Boarders Book store. When I walked in I was greeted by the store staff with a large flower arrangement. It was full of lilies, which happen to be my favorite. I thanked the store manager for such kindness and it then that I discovered that the store hadn't gotten the flowers. They were delivered by a fan who gave them strict instructions for me to receive them.

My heart started to pound in my chest as if it was going to try to break its way out as I looked at the flowers in my arms. It had to be Edward. I peeked out at the crowd and tried to see if I could spot him, but there were so many people that I couldn't see him or really anything.

I looked over at Rose who gave me an answering look that seems to say _what the fuck is going on?_ Once she looked at the flowers a knowing look came over her face. We had no real time to react so instead the show must go on.

I had never felt as nervous as I walked out on the make shift stage as they called my name and the crowd cheered like mad. I knew he was out there. I just knew it.

I took my seat by Riley and the show started. I answered my questions and smiled as I needed to, but all the while I kept thinking that he was here somewhere, waiting for me.

At the book signing portion I kept waiting for him to show up, but he never did. I felt relief flood my system as we were directed out as our time was us. As I walked past the crowd I glanced over and I swear I saw him. It had to be him. It was a taller, lanky built man wearing a baseball cap to block his face, but I was certain that it was him even though Riley had told me that I had gone insane.

Riley laughed at my paranoia, but claimed that he understood since he had been looking for Edward while he was up on stage as well. The whole thing of meeting on the tour bothered him a bit.

I had learned about friendship in my time around Riley that I did not know before, especially when it came to being friends with a guy. The most important thing that I had learned was that my friendship with Emmett was really kind of fucked up. He had never treated me just like a friend, he had treated me more like a girlfriend and I had been too naïve to notice it. I wanted to blame it on the fact that I had never had another guy friend to compare, but I still felt guilty, like I should have known somehow.

Riley, on the other hand, treated me like a friend. There was no trying to impress me. He would burp and fart in front of me like it was nothing or like I was one of the guys. He never sat right by me or held my hand for no reason. He was caring and comforting, but not in a boyfriend like manner and every time he was like that I kicked myself for not noticing Emmett's behavior.

That night after the meet and greet we all sat together in my room eating dinner and just trying to relax since everyone was a little tense. I blame that on Edward lurking around somewhere like a creepy stalker. Once we were settled in my room service arrived bringing our food and another bouquet of flowers, lilies to be exact.

"Jesus, he knows you're here," Rose said with a sigh as she watched me search the flowers for a card or something that would confirm that it was from him and not some other deranged fan.

"You know, I was thinking Bella that you just need to move on. Maybe if he saw that you were moving on so would he," Rose said as Riley watched with a curious look on his face. Riley watched her a lot not. It was kind of funny to watch them circle each other as if they were feeling each other out.

"I don't know Rose. I think he wants to know about baby," I offered out as I grabbed some of my fries to eat.

"Don't be so sure about that Bella," Riley said and then took a bite of his sandwich as he looked over at me. I knew that Riley was certain that Edward wanted me back, but no one was taking into consideration if I wanted him back. I wasn't sure any more since I was still just so fucking hurt by his no show when I was hurt. I was not sure if I could get past that to be with him again if I was being honest.

Rose just continued on as if no one had spoke. She would do this often of she thought that you were not adding to the conversation, needless to say she could be a bit of bitch at times.

"I think you should go with someone. The best way to get over some one is to get under someone else. I am right?" she asked Riley who stared her with a horrified look on his face that made me laugh out loud.

"Have you gone insane? That is the worst advice I have ever heard," Riley replied with disgust as he looked at her while Rose laughed at him.

Rose tried to explain that it was that advice that got her over being so down after the boyfriend cheated on her. She claims that she slept with his friend and that was the cure all. Leave it Rose I guess.

I tried to explain to her that in all honesty I would never sleep with any of Edward's friends, but thanks for great advice.

"No, silly. I mean, find a new man or at least find a new man for the night to entertain you," Rose said and then winked at me as I rolled my eyes at her. I could not imagine being with another guy. I wondered how long I would feel like that as I went to bed that night staring at the flowers that I was certain that Edward had sent.

IN the morning we got dressed and left once more to move on the next town. I wondered if Edward was out there and knew that we were heading to Florida. I am sure it wouldn't be too hard for him to discover this.

We landed in Tampa and were quickly rushed to our hotel. I was barely in my room when flowers arrived. I guess he knew. I tried to look around to see if I could see him lingering in the lobby as I descended to the lobby area to go to the restaurant, but there was no one there.

I hated that he was around lurking, waiting for me. I just wished he would step out and finally make his presence known since the waiting was killing me.

That night I dreamt of him. He was with me promising me forever as he had before, but then disappeared in a flash. It is funny how dreams can mirror the truth.

The next morning we were all on the go to the book store that was awaiting us. By this point in time of the tour I was used to it. I kind of expected crazy fans and personal questions. I expected signs professing their love for Preston and girls screaming so it was no big deal to pull up to the store and be rushed in.

I was pleasantly surprised that there were no flowers waiting for me as we walked in. I felt good as I took the stage once the called my name after Riley's. It wasn't until I scanned the crowd that I saw him.

Edward sat there with a slight smile on his face as he took in the environment that he was in. he stuck out like a sore thumb around the girls with their moms and the older women who were there to show their passion for our stories. He seemed calm as he sat there and then our eyes met. I could feel him as if he was standing right in front of me instead of 40 feet away.

I could feel my heart start to pound as I sat down all the while looking at him. He looked thinner and a little worn out. His eyes never left mine and I could feel the pull towards him as I sat there.

The question part of the interview was hard since I kept losing track of what was being asked. It was if the whole room was off centered because he was in it. Riley kept covering for but it didn't matter since it was so obvious that I was fucked with him sitting there.

The book signing part made me cringe. I waited as each fan came by. I waited for him to appear in front of me, but he never did. I looked up and he was in the distance, just watching me with a serious look on his face. He was holding papers of some sort, but I could not tell what they were.

Riley and Rose had noticed him as well and once it was time to leave the both quickly stood up and pulled me by my arms to try to get me out of there as quickly as possible. We had made it to the door that would lead us t the back when I heard him calling my name. I ignored him as I thought of all the times I wanted him to call, but he never did.

I could him being stopped by security as I stood there, refusing to look at him. I could hear him arguing that he needed to give me this, but they would not let him through. I walked out of the door to the back to escape while all the while I could hear him yelling my name.

I kept telling myself now is not the time and place for my conversation with Edward. I knew it wasn't since there would be too many people watching and soon the whole sordid story would be on the internet within minutes of our first words to each other. I knew I did not want that.

I walked out of thru door leaving him behind, calling after me and never once did I look back. I felt a little guilty about it, but only a little. I wondered if that was how he felt when he left me on the old capitol steps in the dark, lost after he broke my heart. I wondered if he ever felt guilty over leaving the way he did.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I got in the back of the limo leaving him standing there yelling for me. I knew that this was not the last time I would see him. I knew that he would not give up; I just didn't know how far he was willing to go to speak to me.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Thanks for reading! I love you all!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**Xxoo**


	57. The phone call

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The drive back to the hotel was a silent one and I was happy for it. I kept thinking about Edward. I could hear his voice calling my name as I left him standing there. I could hear the desperation in his voice as he called after me and as he tried to reason with security to let him through. I could feel the guilt in me rising like a tidal wave ready to crash over me.

The further got away from the book store the more the guilt rose. I should have stayed there with him. I should have at least pulled him with me. I should have taken him with me and we could have spoken in the privacy of my room. There's a lot of things that I should have done, but didn't.

The guilt lead way to disappointment in myself which caused my mood to drop. I was suddenly in no mood to go out. I was in no mood for whatever it was that Rose had planned for the evening. I looked over and found Riley watching me. I knew that he was aware of my feelings.

We finally reached the hotel and I went to my room. I told Riley and Rose that I was out for tonight so go without me. Rose protested a bit, but Riley got her to move on. It was then that Riley reminded that there was no way to have that conversation there in the middle of that crowd. I knew he was right, but I still felt guilt over it all.

In my room I thought about seeing him there. I looked kind of happy as he looked at the crowd. It was obvious that he thought it was pretty cool that so many people responded to my story. I could see the amusement on his face as he sat there just like I knew it would be.

I thought of him being that close and my heart pounded in my chest. I thought about the crazy pull during the session to run over to him and hold him. It was that crazy pull that Edward has over me that seem not to know about time and space since by all rights after 5 months the pull should be gone, but it wasn't. That need, that drive, that pull that propels me towards Edward was there and strong, if not stronger than ever. Whether I admitted it out loud or not I still belonged to Edward.

He still owned me heart and soul or at least what was left of each of them. I could fight it, but I could not deny it or the hold that Edward had over me. Strangely enough the thought of that drive being there mad me happy since I could see it in his eyes that he could still feel it too. I could see it burring in his green eyes just like it always did. I wondered where that left us.

I lay down on the bed as I lost myself in thought once more. In a way I was disappointed in myself not just about feeling guilty about leaving Edward there, but also because once more I was just so weak. I was weak in the fact that I could be so blazing angry at him when he was not with me or if he was angry as well, but the minute he shows up all sad and desperate it was gone. I could not stand to see him so exhausted as if the whole horrible mess was taking a toll on him physically. It killed me a little inside to hear the desperation in his voice. I kind of hated myself for being so weak concerning him once more, but I guess that is how it would always be concerning Edward. I would always just be weak when it came to him.

I looked at my phone and decided that enough was enough. I decide that I could have this talk with him. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text. It was rather short just telling him sorry that I could not stay, but to please come to the hotel and we'll talk. My fingers trembled as I typed the message and then I sat there waiting for his response.

A few minutes passed and then my phone rang. I jumped as I heard the sound since I knew it was Edward on the other line. I could feel my breathing picking up as I opened it to talk to him.

"Hello?" I asked in a voice that did not sound like my own.

"B-Bella?" I heard a familiar voice that I had not heard in months speak. My heart dropped to the floor as I realized that it was Emmett not Edward. Why in the hell was Emmett calling me?  
"Emmett?" I asked unsure if I was correct.

"Uh, yeah, it's me. How are you?" he asked in a nervous tone that made my stomach turn a little from nervous. Why was he calling me now?

I spoke a little, but my answers were robotic since I was lost in my confusion as to why he was contacting me. The conversation was stilted and horrible since there was tension on both sides.

"Bella, I…I…uh," he stammered nervously and then took a deep breath.

"I met a girl. Her name is Veronica. We're getting married,' he said in a rush so fast that I almost missed all the information he was presenting to me.

"That's great," I offered in a flat tone. I already knew this from Char.

"Yeah, I love her and so I needed…I needed to try to fix something's with you," he stammered again.

"If you love her why were you emailing Rose?" I asked him since I knew he had been emailing her ever since seeing her in Seattle.

"I wanted to know how you were. I wanted to know if you had moved on," he offered in a small voice that did not sound like him at all.

"Bella, I…. Shit, this is so much harder than talking to Edward," he stammered nervously. I wondered if he was talking about when he spoke to Edward at the anniversary party that I missed.

"Bella, I'm sorry," he finally said in a sad voice.

"What are sorry about?" I asked him as I felt a little confused about his apology. Was he saying sorry for being an asshole or was he sorry that he told Edward about the baby.

"I am sorry about everything. If I had known …If I had known that you loved him like this I wouldn't have done it," he offered as an explanation, but it made no sense.

"If I had known how it felt I would have never had done it ok?" he repeated, but this time with more force.

"What are talking about?" I asked him completely confused by his statements.

"What did you do?" I asked him as he remained silent on the other end.

"I am so sorry and I pray you will forgive me," he said and then said a swift good bye before hanging up on me.

I was left at the end of that conversation lost over what he was sorry about. I had no idea what he was speaking of or what he could have done outside of being so horrible that caused him to react like this. I wondered if he had hurt Edward somehow in their fight. My mind raced with all the possibilities, but nothing made sense just like it never did concerning the Cullen brothers.

I sat there waiting for Edward's response for the rest of the night, but it never came. I had no idea what was going on, but that would all change will a delivery of letter the next day.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Thanks for reading! We are about at the end here, but I still have Edward's pov to finish up as well. Thanks for all your kind words.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	58. The Letter

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I awoke to the sound of a phone ringing in my room. At first I thought it was my cell, but as I became more coherent I realized that it was the room phone. I stumbled out of bed to answer it just as it was on its last ring.

It was the front desk. There was a package waiting for me down there that I needed to tend to it. Once I hung up I went back to bed and grabbed my cell. I needed to see if Edward had texted or called while I was asleep, but no such luck. It made no sense that he would go to such trouble to see me and then just drop off the side of planet without so much of a response text back.

I laid in bed thinking about my upcoming conversation with Edward. It was long overdue I guess. I was kind of dreading discussing our child. I can only imagine what he would think about me keeping that information from him. I am sure that he was thinking the worse about me concerning that.

After a few more minutes I decided that I would have no choice but to get up for the day. We didn't have anything really planned for today, but there was no need to lounge in bed all day moping either.

I looked at my phone once more and then left to get in the shower. While in there I could not help, but to think about Edward. I thought about seeing him yesterday. He looked so tired and much thinner than what he had been before. He looked like hell and if I was being honest with myself I would admit that seeing him like that secretly made me happy. I had always wondered if our separation affected him at all and now I know it has.

Once I was dressed I was right back where I had been before waiting for him. I hated waiting. I could feel the tension rising in me as each minute passed. I could feel that sick feeling settle in my stomach as I knew a storm was headed my way with my conversation with Edward.

I sat there at war with myself as I thought about how part of me wanted him just to fall on his knees, beg me to forgive him and the other part wanted me to run far away, reminding me that he didn't even deserve to speak with me. It was a terrible place to be. I loved him. I hated him. There was just so little middle ground concerning him that it made my head spin. The only thing that I knew for sure was that this needed to stop.

I knew that we, Edward and I, needed to find peace. We needed to find some sort of peace with each other since obviously what was going on now was just tearing us both apart. I took a deep breath as a means to steady myself as I looked out the window to the street below. It was sunny and warm here. I sighed as I watched the sun shine bright in the sky. I missed the rain. I missed home.

I was standing there watching the world outside of me when there was a knock on the door. My heart started to pound in my chest as I thought about it being Edward behind that door. I checked my face in the mirror and was started to find the redness back in my cheeks even if they were a little thin.

I took a deep breath and then walked to the door. I slowly opened it and was shocked to find riley on the other side.

"What the hell Bella? You look like you've seen a ghost!" he exclaimed as he walked past me to walk inside my room as if nothing was going on.

"Did you talk to Edward?" he asked as he looked at me funny, taking in my disappointed look.

"Oh shit! Is he still here? Am I interrupting anything?" he asked as he looked around the room for Edward, but of course he would not find him since he was not here.

I shut the door and explained to him that he was here. I told him about my text and how I have not heard back from him. I then told him about my phone call from Emmett and all the weirdness that was brought on by that conversation.

"Yeah, that's fucking weird," he responded with a sad shake of his head as he flopped down on my bed as if it was his. We sat and talked for a while before he invited me to get some lunch. I tried to get out of it claiming that I wanted to be available encase Edward called, but Riley would not hear anything about that.

"He has your cell number so he can call you if he wants to get together," Riley replied simply as he motioned for me to walk out the door with him. I followed him reluctantly since I knew it was true. If Edward wanted to call he would call my cell and I could meet him anywhere. There was no need to mope in my room like I wanted to I guess.

We made it to the lobby and walked out so get in a cab to go to some restaurant that Riley had picked out that had great Italian food. It was at that moment that I realized that Rose wasn't with us. He explained that she was dealing with something concerning the tour, but wasn't sure what it was since she didn't tell him.

The lunch was fine we had spoken about our upcoming appointment with Aro Caius. He would hopefully be our new agent. This was the guy that was suggested by Esme's brother in law. It was known that Aro was difficult, but a good agent so I was fine with it.

The lunch went fine, but all the while I kept checking my phone.

"He'll call you back, don't worry. If he is crazy enough to track you down like this he'll not pass on a chance to talk to you," Riley said with some reassurance for me. I knew that he was right, but like I said I hated the waiting for him.

After lunch Riley and I took off for a favorite pass time of ours, which was walking around a book store. He loved to read as much as I did so he was great to go along with. We wandered aimlessly around the store for a while until some patrons noticed us. I could feel their eyes on me as we walked along. It was nerve wracking since I hated the attention. Riley would look over at me and give me a small smile which made me laugh a little. We both stopped and allowed some pictures to be taken as well as to sign a few books before leaving with our purchases in tow.

We made it back to the hotel with plans of relaxing and reading while waiting for Edward's return when I remembered that I had something waiting for me at the front desk. When I stopped by the desk it was funny to see the girl look over at me with a startled look as I explained who I was and that something was waiting for me.

Riley and I both watched with amusement as she turned and whispered something to her friend behind the desk with her and then went into a room with a closed door.

"What the hell was that about?" Riley asked as he looked at me with a curious look as we waited together. I shook my head since I had no idea what was going on.

We both stood there a little shocked as the girl stepped out of the room with a huge arrangement of red roses. There had to be two dozen in the vase since there were roses everywhere. I looked over at Riley who started to laugh as the girl sat it on the counter along with a candy shaped box that was wrapped in pink gift wrap. She gave me a smile as she teased me a little about a secret admirer and yet all the while the sick feeling in my stomach amplified.

Riley grabbed the heavy vase for me as well as the box and then turned towards the elevator so we could return to my room, but I just stood there shell shocked a bit.

"Come on Bella," he called with a laugh as I stood there lost in thought.

I could feel the uneasiness settle in over me as Riley waited for my response. I looked at him in a sick looking manner since I watched his smile vanish wand was replaced with a worried look. Riley said nothing, but instead just took my hand and led me to the elevator as if I was a child.

"Do you mind telling me what is going on?" he asked me once the doors closed leaving us alone in the cramp space.

I shook my head as I tried to find my voice once more to tell him what was wrong.

"Is this about Edward? Are you pissed that he sent you flowers?" he asked as he rolled his eyes at me in a dismissive manner that pissed me off a bit.

"These aren't from Edward. Edward would never send me roses. He would send me lilies since he knows those are my favorite," I replied as I looked at the flowers with an uncertain look.

Riley said nothing, but instead just looked at the flowers he was holding as if he was holding a ticking time bomb, in hind sight he really was.

We made it to my room and walked in. he sat the flowers on the table alongside the box and then we exchanged looks of confusion. I could not think of anyone who would send me flowers or a gift unless it was some crazed fan. I did a mental inventory of all the nutty fans that I had met while o the road, but I could not imagine anyone tracking me down like this.

I reached over and grabbed the card that was in with the roses. I opened the card with a shaky hand only to discover that the message was typed and all it said was _I'm sorry._

"This is creeping me," Riley mumbled as he looked at the card after I handed it to him to inspect for himself.

I grabbed the wrapped box and started to unwrap it slowly as Riley watched me.

"Well, at least I know that the box is too small to contain a human head," he offered as a consolation to me. I stopped unwrapping the gift to roll my eyes at him and then started to laugh a little since he was right.

Once the box was unwrapped I discovered that it was not a candy box, it was a plain box and in side was a typed letter. It was as if someone had printed a letter and then wrapped it up in this box with the pretty pink paper.

My heart was pounding as I unfolded it. I had no idea who would go to such lengths to send me a message, but the thought of it was a little unsettling to say the least.

I opened the letter and was shocked to as I started to read.

_Dear Bella,_

_I am sorry that I have to talk to you this way. I tried to talk to you last night, but I just could not get the words to form. It kills me, but I couldn't do it._

_ Bella, I have to tell you to start off with that I am sorry. I am sorry that I hurt you. I am sorry that you cried, but I'm not sorry about Edward. He didn't deserve you, he still doesn't._

_ I don't know where to begin since there are many things I could tell you. Many things that I have done that lead us to where we are and I expect Edward will tell you all of them. _

_ When you hurt in the hospital I was not myself. I was not thinking clearly. I was so damn mad at you for choosing him once more over me. I had been there for you. I had been there time and time again when he hurt you. I had held you when you cried. I had watched as you withered away without him. I had always been there for you and yet it killed me that you always wanted him. I understand now. You can't help who you love and Edward was it for it you. For what it's worth I loved you too._

_ When I left your room that night I was so pissed that when my phone rang and I saw it was mom I ignored it. I figured that it was her calling to complain about Edward and to check on you. Yes, mom called to check on you quite a bit. She was worried. Don't worry I never told her about the baby, well, at least that time. It wasn't until much later that I answered my phone to discover that you were nearly dead and they were here in Iowa. _

_ I went to the hospital and found Edward in your room. He was crying over you like the asshole he is. I listened to him beg your forgiveness as you laid there unconscious and I knew that once you woke up you would forgive him like what he did was nothing. I know you and you would have done that without a second thought. _

_ I was pissed Bella. I had been there for you and I knew that you would once more toss me aside for him even though he did not deserve you so it was at that time that I decided that I would not allow that to happen again. I decided to end it right there._

_ I went out to the nurse's desk and spoke with the main nurse. I told her that Edward and my parents weren't your family so they shouldn't be in there. She told me that there was no much she could do. I spoke with her some more to discover that she could do something, but it would cost me._

_ I gave her my player's tickets; you know the great ones that the school gives the parents? I gave her those and in exchange she ordered my family out. She reinforced the idea that they were not family and could not be in there. I cannot tell you the sick happiness that I got out of watching Edward be kicked out of your room. It was wrong, but at the time it felt so right._

_ Dad tried to reason with the doctor, but nothing came of it. The reason behind the lack of action was the nurse had made threats to report him under a ethics violation since she knew that he was sleeping with a nurse on the job and that could cost him dearly if that was discovered, especially considering he was married._

_ It was then that I made my appearance which set Edward off enough that he was kicked out of the hospital since I had not taken care of you like I had promised him. Yes, when he left the first time he made me promise to watch over you. It was a foolish mistake on his part really._

_ I had gone into your room to check on you and I saw your ring, the ring he gave you. I was so pissed that you were still wearing his ring when I was offering you one that you refused. I could not see straight with my anger. I could not take it that you kept picking him over me so I decided at that moment that if I could not have you then neither could he. I took your ring Bella. I ripped it off your finger and didn't care that it would hurt you once it was gone. I did not care at all because to me you were already gone._

_ I went back out to where Edward was outside of the hospital. He refused to leave so he was waiting on the hospital grounds. He kept saying that once you woke up that he would be back in that room with you. He yelled at me that you needed him there. I knew it was true so I had to get rid of him quickly. _

_ I told him you were awake. I told him that you were done with him, that there would be no second or third chances in his case. I gave him back his ring and then laughed as I watched his face fall. I went on told him that you were mad that he was even there. I watched him stare your ring and then I walked away leaving him there._

_ I should not have done it, but I could not let him win. I could not have watched as you went off with him. I just couldn't watch it._

_ Please forgive me Bella._

_Emmett_

I was shocked as I read it. Emmett sent Edward away. He sent him away with my ring saying that I did not want him. He lied to him. He lied to me. He sent Edward away.

I sat there in shock as the words settled in over me. Riley took the letter from my hands and started to read it as I sat there with my mouth wide open gaping like a fish. My mind was racing as Riley read.

Edward had been there. He sat in the chair by my bed. I did not imagine it. He had been there. Edward had been there. Edward had been there. I was stunned over the letter. I looked over at Riley who was still reading the letter.

I found myself stuttering as he read. Riley looked up at me once he was done. He was shocked. The look of bewilderment was all over his face.

"What the hell?" he asked in an amazed tone as he looked over the letter once more. It was at that time that a knock on my door. My first thought was Edward. It had to be Edward.

I ran to the door and flung it open to find a startled looking Rosalie.

"What the fuck Bella? You scared the piss out of me!" she exclaimed as she yelled at me to mask her shock. I stepped around her to look out into the hall. I was hoping to see Edward there, but the hall was empty.

"What is going on?" She asked as she stepped in and looked at Riley. Riley said nothing, but instead handed her Emmett's letter.

I grabbed my phone and called the number I had for Edward. It went directly to voice mail. Something was wrong. I could feel it. Where the hell was he?

Rosalie read the letter quickly and then looked up at me with a triumphant look on her pretty face.

"I told you that he was hiding something!" she exclaimed as she smacked the letter with her other hand. I kept trying to call Edward, but I was getting no answer. I needed to talk to him now. I needed answers. I needed him to know that I would not have given his ring back. I needed him to know that I did not send him away. I would not have done that without talking to him.

"Who are you calling?" Rose demanded as Riley sat there stunned into silence.

"Edward. I need to tell him. I need to tell him that I never gave the ring back. I need to tell him…" I started out saying, but was cut off by Rosalie's guilty face. She knew something. I could tell and so could Riley as he looked at her.

"Rose?" Riley asked as he turned to look at her. Rosalie looked away from us. Yes, she knew something.

"Bella, you're going to be mad, but please understand that I did this with all of us in mind," she started out saying as she held her hands up to me in a surrendering motion. I could feel my anger already rising as she tried to calm me down a bit.

"What did you do?" I asked her through gritted teeth as I stared at her.

"I had Edward arrested at the book store yesterday. He has gone home with the threat of having a restraining order placed against him," she stammered out to me as I stood there shocked.

**AN:**

**Thanks to all of you that are reading. I have another chapter or so and then an epi and we are done with Broken. I have Betrayed to finish up and that is the one where Edward and Emmett will have their show down. I am also starting a new story called Perhaps not to be with a special thanks to Icarustosun for all her help & just for being awesome!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**

_ I_


	59. Seattle

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I looked over at Rose like she had lost her mind because to me she had.

"What do you mean you had him arrested?" I yelled as I looked at her. She could tell that I was on the edge and suddenly I found her backing up a bit.

"I said don't be mad," she replied as if it was nothing.

"Yeah, and I heard you, but what the fuck Rose? What were you thinking?" I yelled her at once more, but this time I felt Riley beside me. I could tell he was standing there just in case I lost it and took a swing at her.

"What was I thinking? I was thinking about you! I was thinking about all of us! It's not right that he can just show up and wreck everything!" she yelled back at me as if I was stupid. I looked at her and while I tried to see her as my friend all I could see was one more person fucking with my life.

I was tired of being manipulated. How many more times can this go on! How many people can put their needs above what is actually good for me? I found myself fuming as I looked at her.

"Rose, really? What the fuck?" I heard Riley as her as he moved closer to me. It must have been obvious to me that I was about to lose it.

"Riley don't get started! You know that he was going to wreck things," she said with a flip of her as if it was no big fucking deal that he was gone.

"Wreck things? What are talking about?" I demanded from her before Riley had a chance to respond. I wanted to know why she thought Edward was so damn dangerous. I wanted know what she meant.

"Bella, you could barely function with him in the crowd. I am not about to risk everything because you can't keep it together," Rose responded back to me is almost a growl like manner.

"Risk everything?" I demanded form her.

"Yes, this tour is important to some people," she replied quickly as she scowled at me. So, that was what it was all about. It was all about getting your name out there. It was all about money. I looked at her with a crazed look since she back up again.

"That's it. I am done. I'm off the tour. You think that things involving my life will wreck everything then I am done," I replied calmly as I turned to walk away, but bumped into Riley instead since he was directly behind me.

"You can't quit!" Rose yelled as she stepped closer as if she was going to grab me.

"Yes, I can. I read the contract I know that I am not obligated to be here. I know that I can end it any time I want so guess what, I'm done!" I yelled at her as I turned to look at her stunned face once more.

"You can't quit people want to see you," Rose said with an angry tone in her voice that made me smile.

Oh no, I can and will quit. I am done," I replied as I looked at her with a smile.

I could see the panic on her face. I guess she wasn't betting on my lack of cooperation. I guess she thought that I would just rollover and do as I was told, just like I always had, but not this time. I walked back over to my bed and sat down.

"Bella, come on. I need you on the tour,' she said softly. I knew this. I knew that she needed me since my book was more popular than her book. It was my fans that were picking up her book to read as I suggested it to them. I knew that she needed me, but I was done. She had hurt me just like the others so now was done. I was done with her, the tour and everything else.

I looked over at Riley who looked a startled. I could hear him telling Rose to leave in more of a hushed tone. I could hear her arguing with him, asking him to get me to change my mind. I thought about yelling at her that it wasn't happening, but I didn't.

I could hear Riley mention Edward. He was finding out when Edward left. He was trying to discover what exactly Edward was told. I tried not to listen to him, but it was hard since he was speaking of Edward.

Once Riley got Rose out of the room he walked over and sat by me. He told me that Edward left for Washington last night. He told me that he most likely did not get my text until he was already gone. I shook my head that I understood, but it didn't make it any easier.

"So, what are you going to do?" he asked me as we sat in silence for a moment. What was I going to do? I had decided last night that I was ready to talk with Edward and I guess I still was.

"I'm going home," I replied as I looked over at him with a sad smile.

I grabbed my phone and started making calls to get a plane ticket back to Seattle. It took some time but I was finally able to get a ticket with very few lay over that would take me back to Seattle and then from there I would find Edward.

I packed my stuff and as I did Riley asked me if I had ever read any of Edward's email. I told him no since I really hadn't, but now I had something to read as I was stuck waiting between flights.

It did not take long to pack up and check out of the hotel. I did not stop and say good bye to Rose. I figured that she and I could talk later since right now I had someone else that I needed to talk to. Riley walked me out to the shuttle to the airport. He promised that he would be in Seattle soon since he was going to take a break as well, plus we had our meeting with the new agent coming up so we would see each other in Seattle soon.

I hated leaving Riley to deal with Rose, but he said that he would be fine. He assured me that he would take care of everything, so all I had to do was just take care of me. He then turned to me and gave me a hard look that surprised me a little.

"Bella, I want you remember that Edward is not the victim here. He knew what he was doing. He knew that leaving you was going hurt. He knew all of this and still chose to do it anyway. I know that he did it because he thought it would only help you, but it doesn't make it ok," Riley said in a determined voice that surprised me a little.

"I thought that you liked Edward?" I asked him a little confused as to why he was telling me these things.

"I do like Edward, but you are my friend and I want you to do things for you, not Edward. You are not obligated to take him back. He hurt you and he was wrong to do it. I am not saying that you shouldn't forgive him I am just saying that you should not forget what has happened either," he said with a shrug as he looked at me.

I knew that he was right. Edward made the choice as to how to break up with me. He chose to be cruel and heartless. He chose it and I was not about to forget that either. I quickly hugged Riley and then got on the shuttle since the driver was getting irritated with us. I gave Riley a quick wave and promised to call as I landed before the bus drove off to the airport.

The first flight took me to Denver where I had a 2 hour layover. In those two hours I decided that I would finally look at some of those emails from Edward. I sat down after getting some coffee and then took advantage of the free Wi-Fi in the airport as I fired up my laptop.

It did not take long to log into the email account. I scanned down over the hundreds of emails from Edward before settling on starting with the older ones first.

I scanned the first 50 or so emails that all occurred around Christmas time. They all were filled with _I am sorry _and _I did not cheat on you._ They seemed scattered as if they were written in a hurry. I could feel his panic as he wrote and it made my heart pound.

The other emails that were sent were along the same lines. They really didn't offer me any information that I didn't know. I knew that he had spoken to Victoria. I knew that he was sorry. I knew that he regretted it.

The emails also kept saying that he would want to talk to me face to face. He needed to talk to talk to me. He would tell me how much he missed me. How he could not sleep at night without me. He could not function without me. I wanted to feel bad for him, but I couldn't since I couldn't function without him either, however I had to since he left.

I thought about what Riley said and yes, Edward was not victim here. Well, he was a victim in the sense that Emmett lied to him, but that was it.

Emmett. I cannot believe that he had taken my ring and gave it back. I cannot believe that Edward believed him at all. How could he have believed him?

I was just getting lost in thought when I was notified that it was time to board the plane. I found myself getting nervous since this was it. After this flight I would be back in Seattle. I would have my chance to try to find Edward and actually talk.

That was our problem, Edward and me, that is. We had trouble with talking. I looked back on all our times together and that was always a glaring issue for us. We just couldn't seem to talk to each other. I guess I could blame some of it on our age, but the other part was that we seemed to lack communication skills with each other.

The flight was shorter than what I thought it would be so soon I found myself in the airport at Sea-Tac. I loved the big glass windows of this airport. I loved that it was raining. I loved being home.

Once off the plane I was kind of lost for a moment. I have never really been anywhere by myself so this was different. I stood there for a moment trying to get my bearings when I decided that first order of business would be to track Edward down. I called his cell number, but was instantly transferred to his voice mail so that told me that he had his phone off. I wasn't too sure who else to call since who else might know where he was at. I finally decided that I had no choice but to call his mom.

My fingers shook as I dialed the number. I hated that I would have to talk to Esme. I hated that she knew about the baby. I hated that my last conversation with her went so terrible. I waited nervously as her phone rang, but there was answer since after a few rings it went to voice mail. I left a message with a shaky voice asking her to call me since I was in Seattle and I needed to speak with Edward, but did not know where to find him.

After I hung up on her voice mail I was left standing there in the middle of a bustling airport unsure of what to do know. It was almost 6 and I had nowhere to go really so after much thought I decided that I would go to Char's apartment. I hoped that she would put me up for the night, but if not I would go to a hotel. I just hoped for a friendly face tonight since I was so tired of life on the road.

I was able to hail a cab that was waiting for suckers like me that needed a ride somewhere from the airport. I gave him Char's address and then sat back as I waited to reach my destination. I was in no mood to talk to a stranger since my nerves were about shot and thank fully the cabbie was pretty quiet. I watched out the window as scenes of the city passed before my eyes. I wondered where Edward was. I wondered what Esme would do once she heard my voice mail. Would she call Edward? I cleared my mind as the cab pulled up in front of a brick apartment building.

I walked up the stairs to the door to discover that there was a buzzer that I had to ring to get inside. The rain was starting to pick up as I pushed the button while praying that Char was there. A girl answered the intercom, but I could not understand what she was saying so she just told me to come up.

I walked up the stairs until I came apartment number 3, which was Char's that she shared with her girlfriend Jane. I knocked on the door and it quickly swung open. I stood there surprised by the sudden action.

"Did you forget something?" the short blonde girl with huge blue eyes asked me as I stood there shocked like a fool.

"Oh, you're not Char," she said as she looked me over carefully. I had never felt more scrutinized in my entire life as I had at that moment. I could feel her eyes roam over me and it made me squirm.

"Uh, I am Bella Sw-" I started to say but the girl cut me off.

"I know who you are and I must say you are much prettier in person than what your pictures showed," she said with a sly smirk on her face that made me blush. It was as if she had seen me naked or something.

"So, why are you here?" she asked me as I stood there unsure of what to do.

"I uh, I was wondering if I could crash here tonight with you and Char," I replied in a stupid manner that sounded stutter even to my own ears.

"Ok, that's fine, but why are you here in Seattle?" she asked as she stood in her doorway. I wondered if we were going to have this entire conversation in the hall way or if there was some reason why I was not being invited in.

"Uh, I came here to talk to a friend, I guess, he's friend," I explained stupidly to her as if it was any of her business at all. I did not want to get into why I was here without Char being around. She would understand that I needed to speak to Edward.

"Ok, who?" Jane asked as she cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Uh, is Char home? I can come back, it's no big deal," I offered as I looked around Jane to see if Char was hiding in there, but I could not tell.

"No, Char isn't home right now, but that doesn't matter. Here, let me take those," Jane said and then motioned towards my bag and carryon bag that I had placed beside me. I watched her grab my bags and set them down inside beside the door.

Jane stood there and looked at me once more silently before shaking her head a little.

"He is so going to owe me,' she mumbled and then grabbed my arm. She turned me around and then walked the few steps over to the other apartment door across the hall from her.

I watched in horror as she pounded on the door loudly.

"Open up your damn door! I have something here you might be interested in," she yelled as she pounded on the door like a mad woman.

I instantly wondered if I had the wrong apartment. Maybe Char didn't live with Jane, but across the hall from Jane. I tried to pull my arm out of her grip, but she was surprisingly strong and kept me in place as we waited for whom ever to answer their door.

Finally after all the commotion that Jane caused the door swung open.

"Jesus Jane would you calm down!" a voice grumbled as the door opened. I knew that voice. I would know it anywhere. It was Edward.

He stopped grumbling and fell silent as his green eyes locked with mine in surprise.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Jane said with a smug laugh as she looked from Edward to me taking in our surprised looks as we looked at each other,

"Well, Eddie, it appears the girl traveled all the way from Florida to talk to you," Jane said with a smile as she continued to watch us stare at each other.

"Be nice to her and invite her in," Jane said prompting Edward to act since he was still just staring at me as if I was going to disappear before his eyes.

Edward jumped at her statement as if she had shocked him and then nodded at me before stepping aside to allow me in wordlessly as if he was trying to remember his manners. I nodded back and took a step forward indicating that I would come in, but then Jane interrupted us.

"Oh, you owe me," she called as she gave him a smile that he quickly returned before agreeing with her.

"Don't fuck this up," she said as she patted his chest in a loving manner that surprised me a little. I had no idea that Char was close to Edward or that she lived by him like this. I had no idea that Edward was close to Jane, but how would I know? I hadn't been home in weeks and I hadn't spoke to Edward in even longer than that, plus Char never mentioned it.

I took a deep breath and then entered his apartment, knowing that when I left here everything would be exposed. There would be no more half truths or deception. It would be all or nothing for Edward and me.

**AN:  
Hello All! Thank you for reading! I heart each of you so much!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo **


	60. At night

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I walked into Edward's apartment and was a little surprised. I don't know what I was expecting, but I guess it wasn't this. The main room was simple. There was a large screen TV mounted to a cream colored wall and a black couch with a beat up looking coffee table in front of it. There were books and magazines scattered all over the table as if he had been reading them.

There were end tables with lamps and picture frames and then a s small kitchen table in the background that lead to the kitchen. It was decorated in blacks and reds and instantly reminded me of him. I wondered how much Esme had to do with this look.

While I looked around I felt his eyes on me. He was watching me like he always had. It felt odd and comforting all at once. I took a deep breath to steady myself before turning to look at him once more.

Edward looked at me with tired eyes that held trepidation, as if he was waiting for me to bolt out of his apartment screaming. Maybe I would by the time the night was over, who knows?

"Would you like something to drink?' he asked me in a voice that did not sound like him. It sounded robotic and forced. I nodded my head yes since I could not trust my own voice to speak for me.

I watched him disappear to the kitchen area. I could hear him opening doors and getting ice. I took that moment to sit down and look at some of his framed pictures. I was shocked to see that they all were of me.

Some of the pictures I had no idea that they were taken. There was one where I was sitting on my bed with my lap top typing with such a serious look on my face. There was one of him and I together on the front room couch at the home in Forks asleep wrapped up in each other. There was another one of me standing out in the rain with my face turned up towards the heavens with a smile. The last one I saw was Edward and I together in the rain kissing.

I jumped as I heard Edward clearing his throat in front of me announcing his presence. I looked up and met his worried green eyes with what was a look of confusion I am sure.

"Char had taken them. I didn't know either until she gave them to me," he replied as an answer to unasked questions. I had too many questions to ask and so I picked the first one that entered my head.

"When did you move here?" I asked him as I took the glass of diet coke form him with a smile. I was trying to go for normal, but the question sounded harsh even to me.

"I moved here a couple of weeks ago. I had to leave home, the memories where too much,' he replied back almost in a whisper to me. I nodded my head since I could understand that since there was no way I could go back to the Cullen house at this moment.

"I didn't know that you and Char were close," I said softly as I watched him look me over as if he was categorizing any changes he might have found in me.

"She took pity on me one day when she found me in the park here and so…" he replied softly as if explaining his connection to Char. I knew that they had been friends before. I knew that Edward had been supportive of her when she came out so I guess her being here for him was not too shocking.

"She did tell me how incredibly dumb I was and that if you never came back that I only had myself to blame," he finished up as if he was trying to explain her once more. I could hear Char saying that. She was always very matter fact about things.

"She's right you know," I said with a sigh as I watched Edward's face take on a startled look to it.

"Bella, I …" he began out in a rush, but I stopped him.

"Edward, we have a lot talk about and I'm not sure where to begin," I offered as I sat there looking at him with a sad look on my face.

"Ok, then let me begin. I am sorry Bella. I am so fucking sorry. If I could back in time and change things I would," he said in a passionate voice that startled me a little. He had moved so that he was kneeling in front me so that we were eye level with each other.

There was no way I was having this conversation with Edward on his knees. It was wrong and just made me feel terrible. I knew he was sorry and I did not need him to humiliate himself for me to prove the point. On the other hand I did not want him to think that throwing around some flowery _I am sorry_ that it would fix everything since it would not. There was just too much to fix for that.

"Get off your knees Edward,' I said with an angry sigh as I looked at him. His face was shocked and then morphed into a look of sadness. I could not feel bad for him though. He had caused this not me.

"Bella," he began, but was cut off by the sound of someone knocking on his door. I looked at him and he rolled his eyes in anger as he stood up and turned from me. I watched him go to the door and discovered that it was a pizza guy. Edward had ordered pizza. I had completely forgotten that it was dinner time.

I watched him pay the man and then turn towards me with a half smile as he held the pizza out in front of him in an invitation.

"Hungry?' he asked simply as he motioned for me to follow him.

I really did not want to eat, but I could not think of the last time I had eaten. It must have been yesterday since I know I did not eat lunch and I cannot remember if I had anything for breakfast. Just as I declined the invite my stomach growled in and Edward insisted that I eat.

I soon found myself with a slice of pepperoni pizza on a plate in front of me as I sat on the couch beside him. We were eating in silence. It was an awkward, uncomfortable silence that reminded of times before Edward had won me over.

I watched as he turned to me with a hopeful look. I knew that he was about to start talking when there was a knock on his door. I wanted to laugh at his frustration as he stood up tossing his plate on the coffee table with a resigned sigh before he went to the door.

I watched as he opened the door to find Char enter in with a blur of energy.

"Did you scare her off already?" she demanded as she stormed in the room and then came to a dead stop as she looked at me on the couch with pizza in hand.

"No, not yet,' he mumbled as he closed the door behind her, but was stopped as Jane entered the room as well.

I hadn't seen Char in longer than 5 months. She looked the same and I was thankful since I was not in the mood for more changes. As I looked at her anger started to bubble within me. I suddenly remembered that she had lied to me about Edward. She never told me she spoke with him let alone lived across the hall from him.

"Well, well, well Char. What do you have to say?" I asked in a sarcastic tone that made her smile.

"Jane, you told me that she had no fight in her. Obviously you're wrong. Look at her, she's as pissed as she can be," Char said with an evil smile as she looked at me. She knew that she busted and was mocking me about it.

"Char, I trusted you and here you are one more person who lied to me," I said with an angry sigh as I watched Edward pale at my comments. Did he really think that I would not be mad?

"Wait a minute! I never lied to you," she replied back calmly as she stepped closer to me with Jane following right behind her with a curious look on her face as if I was some sort of science experiment.

"Yes you did,' I replied as I shook my head at her.

"No, I didn't. I told you that I spoke with him. I never told you how many times or where he was. That's not a lie, it just wasn't telling you everything," she replied with an eye roll as she looked at me. She knew that it was a lie.

"Char why didn't you just tell me?" I asked her as I looked in to her eyes, trying to make sense as to why my friend would omit such a large part of what was going on.

"Bella, I wanted to be a good friend to you as well as a good friend to him. It was a hard line to follow," she replied with a remorseful tone as she looked at me. I could see the sincerity in her eyes. That was Char. She wasn't trying to screw me over; she was just trying to be nice to everyone. I could forgive her over that since there was really no harm done there.

I stood up and crossed the space between us and wrapped her up in a hug that took her by surprise. We laughed and got a little teary eyed as we hugged. I whispered to her how much I had missed her while she did the same.

When we let go of each other we were met with a very confused looking Jane and Edward. Char quickly brushed by them and sat on the couch with a slice of pepperoni pizza in her hand as she began to eat. She wanted to stay and talk. She wanted to know about the tour. She wanted to talk about the book.

I could sense Edward's frustration by her presence, but he said nothing. Instead Edward sat back and listened to me. I could feel his eyes on me as I spoke while he said nothing. I could almost feel his breath against my skin even though he sat across from me. I could feel him hanging on every word that I said as I explained the different cities that I had been to. I feel him trying to absorb my words as I spoke of the crazed fans that I had met. I could feel his anger rise as I spoke of the men that would follow me so the need of added security was placed on the trip.

The night was wearing on and I soon found myself fighting off sleep on Edward's couch. I was literally fighting to keep my eyes open as Jane and Edward talked about Char's upcoming birthday. I remembered hearing Char tell Edward to give me space and that was the last thing that registered for me.

The next thing that I was aware of was the feeling of floating. I t was like I was floating on a cloud. It was soft and warm. It smelled amazing and I found myself trying to bury myself into it before I was laid to rest up on another cloud. It was at that moment that I opened my eyes. I was face to face with Edward. He had his arms around me and was placing me on a bed in a dark room.

My instinct took hold and I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him to me so that he could not move away. He seemed shocked by my actions as I held him close to me, but did not say anything thing.

"Stay," I managed to say as I held him close while looking into his deep green eyes that looked black in the dark room that we were in.

"Of course," he whispered to me as he held me there. We stayed like that for a moment silent as we looked at each other unsure of what to do now.

I didn't want him to go. I hated spending nights alone and when he left me back in Iowa it was horrible. I missed him every night. I missed his warmth and how he made me feel safe. Even as days passed into weeks and then finally into months that did not change. I could go all day and not think of Edward, but I night I was right back to square one with missing him since night at always been our time together.

"Do you want to change?" he whispered to me softly in a scared manner as if he was frightened that if he spoke that it would break whatever magic spell was occurring that allowed him to be so close to me.

I nodded at him, but did not let go.

"You can have my shirt," he whispered as he started to untangle himself from me as I let out a small whine as we lost contact. Edward looked at me and hurried as he stripped off his t-shirt leaving himself bare-chested in front of me.

I watched as he stripped off his jeans and then crawled in to bed with only his boxers on. In the dark I could still see his body. It looked thinner, but outside of that it was the same amazing, muscular body that I had worshipped intimately.

I stood up and started to shed my clothes until I was able to slip on his t-shirt. I sighed softly as I felt the warm cotton material caress my skin before slipping back under the covers into Edward's open arms. When I fell into his arms I sighed just as he had. I wrapped my arms around him as I rested my head on his chest while listening to his heart beat. It was familiar and brought tears to my eyes. I had missed him and this.

I could feel his nose in my hair breathing me in. I could feel him squeezing me tighter as he held me as if I was not close enough. I understood how he felt since I felt the same way. He wasn't close enough for me. I wanted him closer and it was infuriating since it should not be that way.

We had not spoken yet. I had not forgiven him and he had not forgiven me. We had not shared anything but a pizza and yet here I was in his bed holding him tight as if my life depended on it, hell maybe it did.

I nuzzled his chest and as I did I could hear his sigh of happiness. It was nice. It was at that moment that it dawned me what was going on. This was our moment. This was us. We had always functioned better at night, under the stars and darkness. We had always come together like this and I guess that hadn't changed.

I understood that this is what we needed if we were ever going to talk and move forward. We would have to do it in a place that was ours alone and at night wrapped up in each other had always been us. This felt as familiar as my own skin laying here with him like this.

It would be here that we both could set aside the hurt and talk like rational people. It would be here that we could be Edward and Bella, not Edward the master of untruths and Bella the bitch. I closed my eyes and squeezed him to me once more just enjoying feeling his warm body against mine knowing that the words would come soon enough and they did.

"I would have been on the first plane out to convince you that I was worthy. I would have brought you home. I would have married you. I would have loved you and our baby with everything I had," he whispered against my hair as I felt his hand slide over my empty lower belly were our baby had resided for a while.

Yes, the words had started and it was going to be rough.

**AN:  
Hello all! Thank you for reading my story! I promise I won't take so long to update next time. I've been busy with school. I know, I know. I hate RL at times too….**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**Xxoo**


	61. The Talk

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

At Edward's words I was instantly pissed and filled with regret at the same time. I regretted that his words were too late. There was time that I would have loved to have heard him say these things to me, but that time passed the moment our child died.

It was true. If he had told me these words the night that I called him before the accident I would have jumped for joy. I was so lonely for him. I hungered for him at the time. I needed him with me to help over what to do about our pending child. I needed him like I needed the air that I breathe, but that time had passed when I almost died along side our child. I wasn't sure how much I needed him now and maybe that was my anger speaking.

My anger flared up and burned through the regret I was feeling until there was nothing, but white hot rage bordering on hate. It was horrible. My hurt over Edward's departure had morphed into anger, rage and even finally hatred.

I hated that he left me. He had promised me always. He had pressured me into always. H had begged me not to leave him, but then he turned and left the moment it was convenient for him. He didn't even wait until the end of semester when I would have left for the tour. He left directly after he decided it was best to go.

He decided and that was what lead me into this circle of rage. He decided everything with consulting me once. We had spoken about the tour, sure. He had told me he wanted me to go. He had explained that it was important and wouldn't it be wonderful for the world to know our story. I had told him at the time I wouldn't go without him since there was no story without him. It wasn't a _ No I'm not going at all _ it was a _Not without you will I leave_ type of answer, but it wasn't good enough for him.

He had made a decision about me, for me, without even taking into consideration what I had said or even wanted. It was this action alone that changed my hurt into anger and then finally rage.

Who the hell was he to decide all of this? What made him think that he knew what was best for me, or for us? It was with those thoughts that the truth behind his actions actually came out without another word coming from his mouth. The truth was that he made this decision over what was best for him and it burned me from the inside out that this was how he decided on our future.

I couldn't take it any longer. I pushed myself away from him and sat up. My anger was burning bright and it was too dangerous for me to be this close to him since I was suddenly fighting the urge to sucker punch him in the gut or maybe the balls just so he would feel as bad as I do at this very moment in time.

I took a cleansing breath as I sat up away from him. I said a silent prayer for restraint and possibly strength as before I opened my mouth to speak to him.

"Edward, you don't know what you are saying," I replied in a shaky voice as I looked into his confused eyes. He was slowly sitting up so we were facing each other. I could see how my pulling away from him had sent him into a tail spin of confusion and what appeared to be pain.

"I know exactly what I am saying," he replied in a shaky voice as well while he looked at me with pain in his dark eyes.

"No, you don't. It's easy to say what you would have done now, but in reality you don't know what you would have done or how you would have reacted," I replied as anger burned me from the inside, slowly seeping out in the soft quiver in my voice.

"I would have been happy Bella. I would have been so fucking happy that the pretending would have been over. I would have been so fucking happy that you were carrying our child," he replied with an edge on his voice. I could not tell if that edge in his voice was anger or pain.

"Don't say that," I hissed at him as anger boiled over inside me.

"Why? It's the truth," he replied simply as he looked at me with his green eyes glowing now in the darkness.

"All I have ever wanted is you,' he whispered as he locked eyes with me, as if he was daring me to deny it.

I tried to reign in my anger, but I could not. I felt it roll over me in waves as I turned to unleash it at him.

"Really? Well, you have very funny way of showing that Edward,' I said with venom in my voice that made him flinch a little.

"Was it the leaving me behind on the dark steps of the old capitol after you ripped out my heart and stomped on it or the fact that you refused to answer the phone when I called you tell you about…" I said and then trailed off. I was not about to say the word baby to him, it hurt too much.

"What was it Edward? What part of you acting like the world's biggest prick did I miss that told me that I was all you ever wanted?" I nearly yelled at him as I sat there staring at him as he sat there still as stone. I didn't wait for him to speak before I continued on. I was too mad and now I needed to let it all go.

"You left me! You left me after you promised me that you wouldn't! You left me after you made me promise that I would never leave you!" I yelled at him as he watched me with quiet eyes.

"You made decisions for me that was not yours to make! _You_ decided that I would go on the tour, not giving a fucking care over what I thought or wanted! You are selfish and self absorbed!" I yelled at him as he sat there listening to my words.

"You hurt me and you went on like it didn't fucking matter! You weren't even brave enough to wait until the end of the semester!_ You_ decided and then you were gone!" I continued to yell as I found myself panting for air since it felt like the was slowly being turned off in the room around us. I turned to look away from Edward. I couldn't look at him. It hurt too much now.

"Bella, I…" he began to speak, but my anger roared again and I stopped him.

"Don't _Bella_ me! I don't want to hear your lame excuses! I don't want to hear what you think is the best answer! I want the truth Edward! I want to know what was said that made me change your mind about me. I want to know what Victoria said that made it so damn easy for you to walk, no, run away from me as if I didn't matter." I yelled at him as I sat there. I could feel the tears falling now as I struggled to breathe. I looked at him briefly and could see pain laced over his features as he looked away.

"What? Would rather talk about the _baby_? Ok, fine, let's talk," I yelled as Edward continued to look away from me towards the window that was letting in a little light in the room.

"I'm sorry that I pregnant. It wasn't on purpose I assure you," I said as I tried to calm my tone, but my breathing was still erratic. Edward jerked his head around so that he was looking at me with a very surprised look on his face.

"I never would have thought that!" he exclaimed as if I had accused him of something horrible. It was sad in a way that this was what he had a reaction to, not my accusations of running away from me or not loving me enough to stay. I choose to ignore his outburst and continue on.

"I didn't think I was pregnant. I was asked to go take a test. To get it documented that I was not pregnant and then, whatever," I stammered as I shook a little at the memory of talking with Dr. young's office concerning my lack of period that lead me to my trip to the Crisis Pregnancy Center in Iowa City.

"I needed you there Edward, not Emmett," I whispered as I looked away from him, but I could see out of the corner of my eye how the mention of Emmett's name set him on edge.

"He was with you?" he asked in a whisper as he tried to make me look at him, but I refused. I couldn't look him in the eye when I spoke of our child; it was just too intimate for me at the moment. I nodded as I looked away.

I could feel the burn of anger return as I thought of that day when I found out about being pregnant. I thought of how I was shocked and how Edward was 2000 miles away from me.

"I hated you at that moment. I hated that you weren't there and he was. I wanted you there and you had run off 2000 miles away. I was so mad at you for being a coward that it nearly choked me!" I hissed at him as I watched him flinch at my words. I wondered what bothered him more, being called a coward or being told I hated him.

"You ran off Edward and left me to deal with everything. The worse part about all of this is I think that if you had called I would have been happy to have you back, but you didn't," I said softly as I looked at him, unsure of what to do now.

"I didn't want to leave you. I just thought that it would be better…" he started to say softly as if he was offering me an explanation as to why he left, like it mattered.

"You thought wrong," I replied harshly as I looked at him with a scowl.

"Obviously, since here we are like this," he said with a tired sigh as he ran a hand through his hair.

"I never wanted to be the reason you didn't do things,' he said absent mindedly as if I would understand what the hell he was saying.

"I never wanted to be the one to hold you back," he said as moved closer so that our knees were touching as we sat face to face. It was the same position that we were in for our first kiss as well as our kiss after he discovered my story about him.

I had no idea what he was talking about. I had never implied that he was stopping me from anything. I never had said anything close to it. To me, Edward was all I needed. To me, there was no story or future without him so I was lost at his words.

"Victoria." He said simply as if that would help me understand what the hell he meant by it all.

"You asked me what Victoria said. She said that I was holding you back and one day you would hate for me for it. She said that you would regret it and resent me. She said I would lose you anyway," he said in a distant voice as if was reliving the fateful conversation in his head as he spoke to me.

"You believed her? You believed the lies she told? How could you? How could you after all I did to show you that I was yours!" I exclaimed as my anger burst through once more, surprising him a little as he flinched in front of me.

"You believed me," he replied back in a calm manner that left me stunned. He was right. I had.

"You believed every word I said that night and even the words I didn't say," he said soft, soothing manner to me as he held eye contact as if he was talking to a wounded animal. He was. I was wounded by him and the mess surrounding him.

"I never said that I didn't want you. I said that they publisher wanted you. I never said that I didn't love you. I never said anything like that,' he said softly, soothingly as he watched me while my mind raced. I was trying to think of what he said to me that horrid night.

"You said that you couldn't do _us_ any more," I stammered as I race to think of his words.

"That was true. I couldn't sit back and wait to let you go. I knew that if I waited to the end of the semester I wouldn't do it. I would never have let you go like I should," he replied softly, holding my gaze.

"You were so mean, so, so, cruel," I stuttered as I looked away, trying to break the hold he had on me with his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't think that you would believe me and then when you did I got mad. I know, it's stupid and it makes me a prick, but I couldn't believe that you believed me. I couldn't believe that after every day of telling you how much I love you that you believed me at all," he replied with an anguished sigh that surprised me as if he was shocked by my belief in him.

Why would I not believe him? He had left before. He had changed his mind before about me so why would not believe that he would do it again.

My head was spinning and we had just barely touched upon things. I felt like I was going to throw up as I sat there looking at him. He looked remorseful. He looked sad. He looked like my Edward, but so different at the same time.

I couldn't feel sorry for him. I brushed at the tears that had fallen since the last think I wanted Edward to see was me crying.

"I didn't leave you alone that night. I waited in the shadows, watching you. I couldn't leave you there to walk home alone in the dark by yourself. When you wouldn't leave I called Seth to come walk you home. It killed me Bella. I felt like I had left my heart there on the sidewalk in front of you. I felt like I had left half of myself with you," he said softly as I sat there in silence.

"I called Emmett that night. I asked him to take care of you while I was gone. He agreed, but not before breaking my nose for hurting you," he said with a humorless laugh that caught me off guard. I took a better look at him and could see where his nose was a little crooked now.

I thought back to that night. Yes, I remember how Seth came out of nowhere to walk me home. I remembered how Emmett showed up even though he never came to my dorm. I remembered how his hand was cut up. It never crossed my mind at the time that it was Edward behind all of it, but then again I was in shock by the time Seth and Emmett appeared.

"I called you. Alot. I would call at night and sometimes you would answer. You would be half asleep and sometimes I would just hear you breathe. It was cowardly, but I just missed you so fucking much, sweetheart," he rambled nervously as I remained silent.

"I should have come back. I should have known Bella. I should have…There is a lot of things I should have done differently," he stammered as he looked at me with concern and hope starting to build in his eyes.

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand the sight of hope in his eyes. It seemed wrong for some reason. I wasn't sure what I expected, but I wasn't expecting that.

"Bella, do you think that maybe you could forgive me? I just wanted you to have the best and the best wasn't me," he said with a sad smile as I looked at him confused over his words.

"I knew that you were special from the day we met. I knew that you were destined for wonderful things and I was a greedy bastard that wanted to be a part of it, a part of you," he mumbled as he leaned a little closed to me. I could smell the intoxicating smell of boy, soap, and spices that make up Edward. The scent was making my head spin with want. It had been so long and I had been so lonely. The thought of kissing him, touching him, fucking him was tempting even if I was beyond upset with him at the moment.

Edward leaned closer, so close this time that our foreheads were almost touching now and our noses bumped each other as we breathed a shared breath. I could feel his knees pressed against me hard and warm as his hands braced on each side of me causing me to lean into him.

"I love you Bella Swan, please forgive me," he whispered almost against my lips since his lips were so close to mine, ready to claim mine in a victory kiss that he thought was his.

I sat there pressed into him, poised ready for a kiss as my mind raced. He had hurt me so badly and I just didn't know. I didn't know what to think anymore.

Once upon a time I would have been overjoyed to have him plead his case and ask for forgiveness, but now I'm not so sure. I wasn't sure if I could do it, forgive him that is. I just didn't know. My head was all muddled and with all the lies from him or Emmett I had no idea what was true and what wasn't any more.

Edward continued to sit there poised to claim his victory kiss from me, claiming me as his once more as I shifted back and forth over what to do.

"I don't know if I can," I replied to him and then pulled away completely from him. I crawled away from him quickly so I was off the bed. I grabbed my jeans that were lying on the floor and slid them on while Edward watched me with a shocked look on his face. He looked so stunned by my statement that I wanted to laugh at him, but I couldn't since there was nothing terribly funny about this moment.

I grabbed the rest of my clothes and walked out to the front room leaving him sitting there in the dark. I wasn't sure where to go from here. The only thing I really knew was that I needed time. I needed time to think about all of this. I needed time to discover if I could even find it in myself to forgive him after all of this.

I curled up on his couch and closed my eyes to the world as I wished myself away from here and him. I had gotten some of my answers, but nothing had changed. It didn't take away the hurt. It didn't make it easier to deal with, it only made it harder.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Thank you for reading! I hope all of you are having a great weekend. **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	62. The morning

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

I awoke to bright lights and the smell of coffee. As I opened my eyes I discovered that I was still on Edward's couch, but this time I had a black velvety blanket wrapper around me so I was warm and snug curled up there. That was Edward's work since I did not have that last night when I came out here.

I could movement in the kitchen that was behind me and then finally a somewhat loud sigh as I felt Edward's eyes settle upon me. I turned my head to look at him and felt my stomach drop at the sight before me. He looked like he hadn't slept last night. He looked worn out and faded somehow as if the stress of everything was becoming too much. I hated that I had caused that and then I remembered that I had caused nothing, this was all on him.

"Good morning. Would you like some coffee?" he asked me politely as he stared at me with sad eyes that made me uncomfortable. I nodded my head yes and then watched him go back into the kitchen. He returned with a cup of steaming coffee in his hand for me.

"You still drink it black right?" he asked me unsure of himself as he handed me the cup. This was the first reference to our talk in the early morning hours. This was him reminding me that I had told him that he didn't know me anymore. This was him showing me that what I had said was fact, he didn't know me anymore.

I nodded my head and quickly took the cup from his hands, grazing his hand with mine as I took the cup. I jumped at the electricity that flowed between us there as if it had shocked me and it had.

We sat in silence drinking our coffee, looking anywhere, but at each other. It was horrible, but I guess to be expected. I had never really hung out with anyone that I had broken up with and since he had effectively dumped me back in Iowa teaming this up with our conversation last night the mood was downright weird.

I looked over at him and tried to suppress a smile as I looked at his bed head. I had always loved how tangled his hair would get, especially after we made love since I knew that it was my hands that had done that to him.

"What?" he asked as he looked over at me nervously. I guess he had caught me staring this time.

"Your hair," I said softly as I smiled a little at him while motioning to his hair. I watched as his hand shot out and quickly tried to smooth over the peaks of hair that was standing on end, but really it did nothing but make it worse.

"I don't really have breakfast food here. W-would you like to go out for breakfast?" he stammered nervously at me as he held eye contact displaying as little more confidence than his voice let on.

I nodded in agreement as I looked around the room once more. I was still shocked to see so many pictures of me and us lingering around. I didn't understand why he would feel the need to surround himself with pictures of us, of me, but I wasn't going to ask him about that just yet.

Right now I needed to get my head on straight before we talked some more and yes, we still needed to talk some more. I could feel Edward holding back as he sat there. I could feel his words waiting to escape from him. I knew that he was going to try to explain things again, but we had other address as well.

I had my chance to unload on him last night, but we never talked about what happed while apart. He didn't know that Emmett was all gun ho to take his place. He had no idea that Emmett tried so hard. He had no idea how it could have been or how ugly it could have gotten if I had taken Emmett up on his offer to be my baby's father. I wondered if I should even tell him at all.

I looked around for my clothes and then remembered that I had left my bags over at Char's place. I looked down at what I was wearing and as if Edward could read my mind he told me I looked fine and that it was just a little diner around the corner. He handed me his sweatshirt for warmth before walking out of his apartment together. I glanced at Char's door and reminded myself that I needed to get my bags later.

We started to walk in silence. It was odd since I had noticed that Edward had offered me his hand almost automatically and then quickly stuffed it in his pocket as if he was embarrassed that he had done so.

I hated this silence between us. I hated everything that we had become and I found myself blaming him once more. It was an unhealthy circle of hate. I loved him and because of it I hated him. It was stupid and I was stupid for it.

We walked a short distance and then I found myself in front of a diner. Edward held the door for me as I walked in. I noticed that the waitresses were all older women, they looked like grandmas and once they noticed that it was Edward that had walked in they quickly came over to fawn over him a bit.

I listened as one of the women went on about how they were getting worried since they didn't see him last night. I stifled a laugh as Edward's went red face and then excused us so that we could sit in a booth across from each other.

One of the women walked up with a big smile on her aged face. Her name tag read that her name was Dottie, which to me seemed like a fitting name for her. She had been the one who had asked his whereabouts last night since he was a no show at the diner.

"Well, Edward, who is this?" she asked him teasingly as she poured him coffee while motioning towards me. It was awkward.

"This is Bella," he replied simply as if this woman already knew me and as it turns out she did. She looked at me with an appraising eye and then smiled warmly at me.

"Bella, it is so good to finally meet you. Edward talks nonstop about you," Dottie said as I glanced at Edward quickly who was completely red faced now. I said hello and then turned away as her and Edward spoke about me as if I was not there.

Once Dottie left us a lone I turned to look at him and found him watching me once more. I remembered at that moment how much I had loved him watching me. It had made me feel special and now as I felt his eyes on me once more it still had the same effect. I still felt like it was just him and me alone when he looked at me like that.

"I think that I'll go to a hotel later today,' I offered out there to him as I watched his face fall at my words.

"Don't. Please stay with me," he said softly as he looked at me, pleading with me with his green eyes.

"Edward, I don't think so. This is just too hard,' I replied with a sigh as I tried to look away from him, but couldn't since it was trapped in his gaze.

"No. it's not. This is easy Bella, you know that. You and me, it's always been us. We belong, you know that," he pleaded with me as I looked at him.

Once upon a time I knew that. Once upon a time I thought that there would be nothing that would cause me to doubt him, but Edward caused the doubt, he effectively caused our demise.

I felt him reach across the table and take hold of my hand just as Dottie returned to take our order. I could feel the electricity coursing through me from our touch as Edward told her what he wanted for breakfast. When Dottie turned to me I was still lost in Edward. I had no idea what to order so I looked over at Edward, who just quickly told her that I would have the same as him.

We sat their silently, holding hands across the table as I felt the energy course through me from him. I tried not to look at him and all his beauty, but every once in a while I would glance over to find him watching our hands or looking at me with a worried look.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," he said almost to himself as he looked at our fingers intertwined together.

"How was it supposed to be?' I asked him in a whisper that shook from my nervousness. I looked in to his green eyes as he took a deep breath, but he said nothing back.

We sat there in silence, miserable together, but our hands still holding on to the other tightly until our breakfast arrived.

We ate in relative silence while Edward refused to let go of my hand. It was as if he was channeling all his emotions into that touch. I could almost feel the regret on my finger tips. I could almost taste his tears as we eat. It was becoming emotionally too much.

"Uh, well, thanks for breakfast," I mumbled as I watched Edward pay for our meal, much to my disagreement. He nodded a _you're welcome_ and then we left as he promised the ladies to return with me once more.

"Why do they know me?" I asked him finally as we walked back to his place.

"I told them about you, about us. I told them that you wrote our story," he replied simply as if it was no big deal while his hand came out for me to hold, and this time I did take his hand.

It was cold, but felt familiar. I needed familiar at the moment as we walked back to his place to face the unknown.

**AN:  
Hello all! Thanks for reading! More is coming & I promise to update yet again today if possible I just had to cut off here so I could run some errands and yell at my church. You know the usual!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**

"


	63. The evening at Char's place

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The walk back to his apartment was pretty quiet with only the occasional comment here or there about our surroundings. We had just reached his door when Edward's cell phone went off. I watched as he fished it out of his pocket before answering it with a frown on his face.

"Hey mom," I heard her him sigh as he opened the door to let me in. it was Esme. I knew that she was responding to my voicemail from the other day or trying to track Edward down.

'Oh, yeah. Bella found me. She's here, safe and sound," he said with a bit of humor coloring his eyes and tone as he looked at me. I guess he found it to be amusing that I called his mom in search of him.

"Uh, I don't know about that…" he said trailing off as his look went from amused to worried. I looked at him and mouthed what?

"Let me talk to her," he said as he continued to look at me worried like.

"Uh, it's going, but I don't know how well," he said with a sad tone. I guess Esme must have asked how things were going with me. What did expect? She did she think I would just jump into his arms?

I walked away from him as he said his good bye. I didn't want to hear any more.

"Mom wanted to get together with you,' he said slowly as if he was suggesting that we go on a killing spree. I think offering to take me on a killing spree would be more fun than dealing with Esme right now.

"Yeah, let me think about that," I replied as I looked around the room once more. I didn't want stay here any longer. I needed to get away from him and think. I just flat out needed to get away.

"Stay," he said softly as if he was sensing my need to flee.

"Why?" I asked him as I turned to look at him. I could see the worry in his eyes as I stood my ground.

"Why Edward? Why stay? You left, why can't I?" I asked him as anger took hold once more. I hated being angry all the time. It was draining me of everything good.

"Because, we're not done yet. I left because I thought it was best for you not because I was running away since I couldn't deal with things," he said as a flash of anger took hold of him as well.

'Best for me? Well, thanks for making that decision for me, now get out of my way," I said with a scowl as I stepped toward the door only for him to block it.

"No way, Bella," he said as he blocked the door form me with his body. I could either stand there and wait for him to move or I could try to force my way out. I was leaning towards forcing my way out when my phone rang causing both of us to jump.

I yanked my phone out of my pocket to find out that it was Riley calling me. I instantly remembered that I really didn't call him yesterday. I had sent him a text, but no phone call.

"Well, thanks for calling," he said sarcastically as I said hello to him. I looked over at Edward who was watching me as I stood in front of him while he blocked the door.

Riley and spoke about our upcoming meeting with our new agent. He told me that Rose was going it on her own with a different agent, not the one we had chosen. He then told me that he would be in Seattle by 10 tonight. He would call me to let me know that he was in safely. I told him that I was not at the hotel yet, but I was planning on making it there.

"Bella, where are you?' he finally asked as I explained that I was not at the hotel.

"I stayed with Edward," I replied as I sighed into the phone, knowing that he was going to tease me over this.

"Well, did you two finally kiss and make up?" he asked with a laugh that made me blush a little for some stupid reason.

"No, I just stayed here anyway," I replied lamely as I looked at Edward, who was watching me with a closed expression on his face.

Riley and said good bye with the promise of seeing each other tonight while Edward watched me closely.

"You and Riley are close," he commented as he looked at me. I knew what he was hinting at. He wanted to know if I had messed around with Riley.

"No closer than you and Tanya," I replied with a scowl that made him laugh. I hated that he was laughing

Oh, so he's engaged too?" he asked with a slight laugh that seemed too confident to me. I said nothing, but instead chose to scowl instead.

"Bella, if you would have let me explain at Christmas you would have known that when Tanya was there at my house she was with her fiancée Garrett Irwin," he said with a happy smile. I looked at him puzzled since I had thought that Garrett was her step brother.

"Yeah, he's her step brother. I guess they had been together for a while and now they have come out to their families as being together," he said with a silly smile.

"Well, that's kind of gross," I replied with a wrinkle of my nose that made him laugh.

"Yeah, I guess," he said in agreement as he stepped closer to me.

"Bella, what you saw that night, Christmas Eve, was me just hugging a someone in congratulations, that's all,' he said seriously as he looked into my eyes. It was as if he was trying to will me to understand what happened.

"I never cheated on you. I would never cheat on you. You're all want, no one else," he said softly in a serious voice as he looked in my eyes trying to hypnotize me with his green eyes.

I knew that he was telling the truth. I never believed Emmett when he said that Edward had cheated. The pictures that he had sent me to were too innocent and Tanya's fiancée was in them as well. I knew Emmett was lying about that even if for a split second my jealousy made me doubt Edward. I now know that Emmett lied about a lot of things concerning Edward.

"Riley is just my friend," I finally stammered to him, but he kept looking at me as if he was waiting for more information than that.

"Riley and I were never together if that is what you want to know," I said with a sigh as I looked away from him, but now before I caught him smiling abit.

We stood there still in front of the door looking at each other, unsure of who would make the next move when there was a loud knock which caused us both to jump in surprise since it broke our tense standoff.

When Edward turned to open the door I moved so I could try to make a quick get away, but he blocked me with his arm in front of me. I watched as he pulled open the door to find Char on the other side.

She looked at us and then started to smile before she laughed out loud at us standing there.

"Well, I can see last night went well!" she exclaimed as she pushed at Edward to let herself in. I watched as Edward scowled at her before stepping aside.

"What was the plan Edward? Did you think that you could hold her hostage until she caved?" she asked him in a teasing manner that made him roll his eyes at her while I found myself laughing as well at this stupidity of it all.

I wouldn't laugh if I were you since I am pretty sure that was his plan," Char said as she turned towards me with a smart ass smile. I looked from her to Edward and quickly saw his guilty look.

"Really Edward? " I demanded from him as I stood there now pissed off that he was really thinking of holding me there until I just agreed to be with him.

"I wasn't going to do it," he said with a sigh as he ran his hands through his hair with a sigh as he looked away. I knew then that he was that was his master plan. What an idiot.

I left with Char, claiming that I needed to get to my bag. Edward tried to get me to promise to come back, but I made no promises. I wasn't sure when I would go back to talk some more.

I walked across the wall with Char who was snickering to herself. I asked her what was so funny and she told me that it was Edward. She liked seeing him so vulnerable, so much at my mercy, especially since I had been at his for so long. Leave it to Char to point that out.

At Char's I found Jane waiting for us. Jane was odd. She stared at me too much and made me nervous, but if Char loved her then I would try to as well.

Since I had started the day so late it was well afternoon when I actually got in the shower to get dressed for the day. Char said it was no big deal since they had no plans, but I still felt guilty about being a lazy house guest.

I told Char and Jane about Victoria. I told them that I was working with Riley to get the publishers to fire her since she was just bad news all the way around.

"I looked up riley Biers. He's hot Bella. Have you ever…?" she asked trailing off suggestively as I started to laugh at her. Only Char would come out and ask if I had sex with Riley.

"No, I've never had sex with riley. I did sleep in the same bed as him one night, but no kissing, and no sex," I replied with a laugh as Char rolled her eyes at me, basically telling me I should have.

We laughed for a while and then the questions burned too bright inside me. I needed to know what happened that she would strike up a friendship with Edward while she knew what he had done.

"Char, what happened?" I asked her as we sat there on her couch looking at each other while Jane went off to pick up the Chinese food we had ordered for us.

"Bella, he was so fucked up,' she said in a pitiful tone that surprised me a bit.

"Ok, I was in the park. I was walking and looked around you know like I do," she began telling me as she motioned with her hands as she spoke. I knew what she was talking about. Char would walk around looking for inspiration for her photos.

"That's when I found him. He was sitting on a bench looking out into the ocean as if he had lost his whole world," she said in a said tone while her eyes had a faraway look to them as if she was reliving the moment in her mind.

"I realized who it was and I went up to him. I told him what a piece of shit he was and that he deserved to be so miserable," she said with a laugh as she looked at me with a funny look on her face.

"The sad part was that Edward agreed with me. Do you know how rare it was for him to agree with me?" char said with a sigh. She looked at me with concerned eyes.

"He never said why he did it. If he had told me that he was doing it to make you go I would have kicked his ass more than what I did. He only said that he shouldn't have done it and now you don't love him anymore," she said with a sad sigh.

"I told him that he deserved it, but I couldn't leave him out there in the rain like that. He had been good to me when I told him that I cheated on Emmett with another girl,' she said, but I cut her off. I had never heard about this.

"What do you mean?" I asked her questioning what was said.

"I had cheated in Emmett and I told Edward about it. He was pretty cool about it and told me I had to tell Em. He also told me that you would still love me no matter what," Char said with a worried look. I guess she must have thought that I was changing my mind about loving her no matter what.

In all honesty I did not care that she cheated on Emmett. I didn't care at all. I just cared that Edward knew and didn't tell me.

"Don't get mad at Edward about that. I made him promise not to tell. He told me that if you found out that he kept it from you that you would kick his ass," she said with a shake of her head as if she was back in that conversation with him.

"You see Bella; I couldn't leave him like that. You wouldn't have done that either. I know you. I also know that you love him and he loves you. It's just bull shit that Emmett has fucked with everything and Edward is so damn stupid at times," she said with a tired sigh.

"Yeah, boys are dumb," I replied softly as I thought about the Cullen brothers and the mess I was left with concerning them.

The day wore on and as we hit early evening Jane finally returned with our food bringing Edward in tow. I could see him scanning the room for me before his eyes settled upon me.

"Look what I found lurking in the hall," Jane said teasingly as Edward settled down on the couch next to me as if he needed to be close. I looked over at Char and she rolled her eyes at him.

"I think he was trying to eavesdrop on your conversation," Jane said as she started to hand out the boxes full of food along with chop sticks.

"I think he trying to see if Bella had left yet," Char said as she looked at me with a smile. She knew that I would be leaving soon. I had told her that I couldn't stay here.

"I think he was trying to see if we had gotten Bella here to switch teams yet," Jane said as Char and I broke out laughing at her while Edward scowled, but remained silent.

"What? Did you not turn to girls while dating his brother? Maybe you Cullen brothers have a way with turning women?" Jane asked him teasingly as I laughed louder at that. I could see Edward's anger rising as she suggested that he would be the reason why I became a lesbian.

"Sorry Jane, I still like boys," I said with a laugh as Char howled in laughter while Edward rolled his eyes at all of us.

"Well, the night's still young Bella, you could always change your mind," Jane replied to me in a teasing manner that was very flirty before winking at me in a suggestive manner. It made me blush which made Char laugh even louder at me.

"I can totally see why you would have chosen girls though. Emmett kisses like a fish," I replied with a giggle as I poked Char, who was laughing along with me.

"You never told me that he kissed you," Edward said with a hard tone that cut the laughter out of the air. I thought about this for a moment. Hadn't I told him about this last night? I asked him if I had which he promptly told me no.

I watched as Char and Jane excused themselves to get all some beer, leaving Edward and I alone for a moment. I looked at Edward. I could see the anger rolling off him in waves as he sat there looking at me, waiting for me to speak, to explain.

"Edward, it was after you left," I offered as I looked him with a sigh. He did not defuse at my statement at all.

"He was to take care of you, not kiss you," he hissed at me in anger.

"Don't get pissy with me. I didn't want him to kiss me. I didn't want his stupid offers. I didn't want _him," _I said as anger colored my tone. It was true I didn't want Emmett. I had only wanted Edward and at the time when Em kissed me I only felt like I had betrayed him, nothing more than that.

"What are you talking about?" he asked me still angry, but now he was wondering what I was implying by offers.

"When I was pregnant, before I called you that night, Emmett offered to be with me," I replied back in a stammering tone that made me sound guilty. Edward looked at me and waited for me to explain.

"He told me that he and I could be together, uhm, that the baby could be his," I stammered as Edward watched me closely with his eyes blazing into mine.

"Be his?" he whispered as if he was confused by the statement. I know that I was when Emmett first suggested it so I went on to explain what exactly Emmett had offered. How he had offered to be the dad and Edward would never need to know.

"But, but, but the baby was mine," he whispered as he looked at me, I could see the anger building in his eyes.

"I know. I told him no. I told him that I could never do that. I told him that you would know. I told him no," I replied back in a soft whisper since I wanted him to calm down. It was done and over with, there was no need for bloodshed now and I knew that this would send Edward over the top.

Edward sat there still as stone as my words sunk in. It had to hurt like hell to hear this betrayal that his brother was willing to done to him. It had to sting like fire.

"He kissed you?" he asked me as he looked from my lips to my eyes. Of course he would go back to that.

"After you left, after I found out about the baby I was in his dorm watching a movie. He leaned over and kissed me. I pushed him away and threw up. He thought it was the baby, but I just couldn't kiss him. It made me sick. He blamed you and well, your child for cockblocking him and all," I stammered like an idiot while Edward watched me closely. I don't know what he was looking for in my eyes, but he was searching all the same.

After a long moment of silence Edward finally spoke again.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I should have never have left. I am sorry that he tried to take advantage of you. I am so fucking sorry," he whispered as he touched my cheek with his hand, tracing along the curve of my jaw.

I couldn't think of anything to say back in return to him. I could have said that I was sorry too, but before I could Char came back in the room. The rest of the night Edward was pretty silent, he just would watch me instead. I could feel his eyes on me at all times.

At about 11 at night he said good night and left. He did not ask me if I was joining him, he just leaned over and pressed a kiss to my forehead before I had a chance to protest. He was out the door before could say good night.

"Well, that was interesting. You never told me that Emmett kissed you,' Char said with a yawn as she flopped down on the couch, resting against Jane. I guess I never had. I decided at that moment that I would tell her everything, so I took a deep breath and I began.

I told her about Edward leaving and Emmett showing up. I told her about Emmett's insisting that I take a pregnancy test as if he was hoping that I was. I told her about him being there and wanting to keep the baby. I told her about him kissing me and blaming Edward when I rejected him. I finally told her about the marriage proposal and him leaving me alone in the hospital.

"Jesus, Bella," she mumbled as she shook her head at me. I then told her that according to Emmett's letter, he was the one that gave my ring back and sent Edward on his way.

Char and Jane agreed that Em's actions were beyond bizarre.

"You know, he always hated Edward. He hated that you were with Edward. At the time I thought it was because you were with Edward and not someone else. Looking back, I guess he just hated it that you were with Edward and not him," Char said and then shook her head a little.

Char was right. It was beyond fucked up. She also told me that Em never told Edward any of this stuff. He just said that he left me after the accident, but didn't mention anything else. I found it hard to believe that Edward didn't know that I had not sent him away, but Char swore on her grandma's grave that Edward had no idea about any of this. She said that Em had only taunted him about the pregnancy and that I had lost the baby, nothing more than that.

I needed to tell him. I didn't want him to think, no matter how we ended up that I had sent him away. I did not want him to think that this ending was because of me since it wasn't. I excused myself from Char and opened the door to go knock on Edward's door.

I needed to tell him all of this while I still had the nerve to since my courage was starting to fade a bit as I waited for him to answer the door. Char had closed her door behind me, leaving my luggage in the hall as well.

Edward opened the door and looked at me with a surprised, but happy look as he stood there in his boxers and nothing else.

"Bella?" he said in a hopeful tone that made me a little sad since I was going to have to tell him more about his brother and his deception.

I took a deep breath to begin, but he cut me off.

"It's Jane isn't? She's kind of creepy," he said with a chuckle as he looked at me with soft green eyes that made me want to hug him.

"You can stay here if you like," he continued on as he moved out into the hall with me to grab my bags and drag them inside.

"I never sent you away," I blurted out as he stood in the hall beside me. He stopped and turned to look at me with a sad confused look on his handsome face.

"I never sent you away. I never gave back my ring," I said again as he stared at me for a moment as if I had grown a second head. I stepped closer to his shocked form and grabbed his wrist to pull him into his apartment. He dragged my suitcase behind him as I pulled him inside. Once inside I shut the door behind us, knowing that this would be a long conversation, but at least we were moving forward now. I still wasn't sure if I could forgive him, but at least we both would know the truth about Emmett.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Hope you are having a wonderful day! Thanks to all of you that are reading! I love you all!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	64. Emmett's Letter

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I pulled Edward until he was back inside his own apartment; thankfully he had tugged my luggage along with him so it was inside as well instead of sitting in the hall. He looked at me skeptically as I pushed him gently towards his couch. He was watching me and he seemed unsure.

I tried to remember that to him I had ordered him out. I tried to remember that in his mind I had sent him away with his ring basically telling him to _fuck off_. I tried to remember that it was this experience that was tainting things for us every bit as much as his actually leaving since in his mind I had turned away as well.

I sat down on the couch as he watched me, unsure of what to do next. He quickly followed my actions though and sat by me. I reminded myself that he was no victim here, but he had been lied to. His whole family had been lied to. It was with that thought that I took a deep breath to begin my story.

"Edward, I had no idea that you were at the hospital. I honestly thought that I had dreamt it all," I began as he looked at me with an unreadable look.

"You didn't know?" he asked me. His tone told me that he didn't quite believe me about this.

"No. I thought I had dreamt you," I replied with a sad sigh as I looked at his face that was closed of emotion.

"I woke up. I was so sure that you were there and then you weren't," I replied softly as I looked away from his intense green eyes. When I looked into his eyes it made me doubt myself, my anger, my resolve since it still kills me to see him hurt. Edward remained silent as if he was waiting for me to continue on so I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off.

"I was there," he nearly whispered as he looked at my face as if he was studying me once more.

"I was there until I was asked to leave," he repeated this time with more conviction in his voice.

"I understood why you sent me away. I had hurt you and I didn't deserve your or any forgiveness really," he replied in a rambling tone as he watched my face for my reactions.

"I just wish that when you gave the ring back that you would have done it and not sent Emmett. He was such an asshole about it that we almost got into a fight in front of the hospital," he said as he tugged on what appeared to be a necklace. I looked closer and realized that Edward was wearing a silver toned necklace and on it was my ring. He was tugging on it as he spoke to me.

"Edward, that's what I'm saying. I didn't send you away and I never gave back my ring," I replied with a tired sigh. I was tired. I was so fucking tired of it all. I wanted to be normal again. I wanted to feel light once more and as I sat there with a visibly hurt Edward I said I silent prayer that by the time we ended this conversation that I would feel light once more in my soul.

I thought about what to say, but really it wasn't, y story to tell, it was Emmett's story. I stood up and grabbed my carryon bag. I had placed the letter in there along with a few other items that had meaning to me. I open the bag and rooted around until I found the folder where I had placed the letter, my ultra sound pics and a few items of my dad's that I carried with me ever where.

Edward watched me with interest as I pulled out the letter. I sat back down and with the letter in hand. He looked at the letter and then back up to my eyes. He was waiting.

"Edward, this letter came to me a day or so ago from Emmett. I think you should read it since it explains things that I can't since I wasn't awake," I said as I handed him the letter. He looked at the letter in my hand as if it was a poisonous snake. I motioned towards the letter once more and then finally he took it.

I stood up once the letter was in his hands.

"Where are you going?" he asked me as I stood up and started to walk toward the kitchen.

"I'm going to make some coffee. I think we'll need it," I replied as I gave him a nod. He nodded back and then looked at the closed letter in his hands.

He had to be wondering what the hell this included. It seemed like every time we turned around there was more added to huge mess that was our relationship so I could not blame him about being a little unsure about reading it.

I left him alone and went into his kitchen. I had never been in this room of his place. I looked around and found it clean and tidy. I grabbed his coffee maker and filled it with water before turning to look for the coffee. I banged around in the cupboards until I stumbled upon his coffee. It was the same brand his mom uses. I bet Esme grocery shopped for him.

I opened up his fridge to discover it was bare except for bottles of beer and take out containers. How did he live like this? I was going to have to show him how to cook and shop was the first idea that went through my head before I stopped it in its tracks. I should not be thinking about such domestic activities with Edward since I was still on the fence as to what to do with him any way.

I stood there for a moment in the kitchen as the coffee brewed. I guess you could say that I was avoiding him since I was. I had nothing to say really and what needed to be said was hard to say. Once the coffee had brewed enough that I could pour out two cups I poured our coffee and returned to him.

I found Edward in the same spot on the couch where I had left him. I found him with Emmett's typed letter in his hands. I could see his eyes scanning the paper as if he was reading it, but I knew that he would have read it once already. I walked over and sat his cup on the coffee table in front of him before sitting down side him once more. I heard him mumble _thank you_ as I watched him absently grab the cup before taking a soothing drink of the dark coffee.

"I didn't know," I replied in a small voice as he turned to look at me. I could see the hurt in his eyes, but I wasn't sure if I had put it there or if Emmett had.

"He never told me this," he replied with a sad sigh as he ran a hand through his messy hair.

"What did he tell you?" Edward asks me as I took a drink of coffee. It was strong and hot. It reminded me as to why I never take a cup before the coffee was done brewing. I looked at him, unsure of what he was asking me.

"What did he tell you when you woke up," Edward asked, as he turned a little so he was facing me more as we sat together.

"He uh, told me that you never showed and that Carlisle didn't come as well," I said as I shifted nervously under his gaze. I watched as Edward shook his head in disbelief.

"You must have thought…" he started to say and then trailed off as if he could not finish the sentence.

"Yeah," I replied slowly. I had thought the worst. I had thought that I had been tossed aside. I had thought that all of them, not just Edward was walking away from me. I had cried that night over everyone I had lost in the moment. I could have told Edward all of this, but at the time I could not form the words, maybe someday I will be able to.

"I was there. I promise to you that I was there," he said slowly as if he was pleading with me to believe him.

"I had tried to call you. Mom told me that you had called and needed to speak with me about something that I had left behind. I will tell you that it never crossed my mind that you would be referring to a child. It was pretty clever to word it like that, you know, now that I know what you were calling about," he said with a humorless laugh that made me cringe a little. I hadn't really thought about what the fallout for Edward would have been at the time.

"I called you and it would just go to voice mail. I was so sure that you hated me. I could see that you hated me as I left you there so I was sure that you were avoiding me. I was so fucking happy about the idea of hearing your voice. I had called you at night to hear you, but this time I was going to be able to talk to you," he said with an excited tone that surprised me a little.

"I had it planned Bella. I was going to tell you that it was all lie. I was going to tell you that I broke up so you would go on that fucking tour. I was going to tell you that I could not live without you any longer and so I didn't care what happened to the book or your fame. I didn't care that you would hate me later since I just needed you so badly now. It was selfish, but I was going to do it," he said in a rush as he reached out and took hold of my hand in his. I felt the shock of electricity pour through me as we touched. His hand felt warm as it held mine, so warm that it was burning me a little.

"The phone rang and I answered, but it wasn't you. It was some cop telling me that you had been in an accident and they weren't projecting you to live just based on the amount of blood you were losing at the time. He told me to get here as quick as I could," Edward said in a breathless tone that shook me a bit. I could almost feel his panic from that phone call as he told me about the phone call that he had received.

"Dad pulled some strings and we were able to get to Iowa in a couple of hours. I arrived in Iowa City not sure if you had lived or died. I nearly lost my mind on the way there. All I could think of was if you died that you would die thinking that I didn't want you and how wrong that was," he said sadly as he looked away from me in shame.

"When I got there and I was told that you were a live I knew that I was not leaving here without you. I was going to tell you everything. I was going to tell you about Victoria. I was going to tell you that I was wrong, that I could not live without you. I was going to tell you that I could live with it if you hated me later," he said, almost repeating what he had said earlier to me.

"What are you talking about?' I asked him confused as to why he kept repeating that I would hate him later.

"I knew that if I kept you trapped in a small town and not allowed you to go explore your dream that you hate me for it," he said slowly and then seemed to brace himself as if I was going to unleash a dose of hate on him right there.

"Who told you this?" I asked him confused as to why he believed this bullshit.

"Victoria said you would hate me. She told me that you would hate just as your mom hated your dad over taking away her dreams while forcing her to live in our rainy Podunk town," he said with an angry sigh, as if I should know all of this information by now.

"I have no idea what you're talking about Edward, but I can assure you that Victoria knows nothing about my parents," I replied back with a yawn before I took another drink of coffee. Edward looked at me confused as I sat there, holding his hand still.

"Victoria has no clue. My mom didn't want _me_ Edward. She didn't want to be tied to my dad and I was that tie. If it wouldn't have been Phil it would have been someone else," I said with an even voice as I spoke to him, but inside I was raging. How could she tell him this? How did she know that this was his Achilles heel? How did she know that this was enough to have him back away from me? How in the hell did she know that his biggest fear with me would be for me to hate him and leave him over it?

"Edward, it was dumb to believe her. She played you for a fool and I was the one who got hurt. I understand that your intentions were good, but really you should have just called me. I could have told you what I felt, what was the truth for me," I said as he looked at me with burning green eyes that made my heart thump in my chest.

"I would never have hated you. Did I not tell you enough that my dream was to live in that rainy town with you? Any rainy town with you?" I said with sad tone since it was sad. It was so fucking sad that it broke my heart.

"I never sent you away Edward and I never gave back my ring. I wouldn't have sent you away," I said as I found tears rolling down my cheeks slowly as I tried to stop crying in front of him. Nothing says weak like tears.

"Do you hate me now?" he asked me in a soft whisper that I almost couldn't hear. I looked up into his face and could see hope and fear mixed together.

I thought about it for a moment. Did I hate Edward? No, I didn't. I had tried to hate him since hating him would have made missing him more bearable. If I could have hated him then I could have put an end to wanting him so badly.

"No," I replied softly back to him as he waited for my answer.

I listened to his heavy exhale as if I pardoned him from the death penalty or something. It was almost comical in a way that he sighed in relief from my answer. I felt his hand squeeze mine as I looked at his face and quickly recognized a look of hope in his eyes as he looked at me with a slight smile. I had missed his smile.

"We should have talked. We should have done things differently," I whispered as I looked at our hands were they were intertwined together.

"I should have beaten the shit out of Emmett when I had the chance," Edward said with a humorless laugh that made me laugh too. I knew what he was thinking about. He was thinking about his parents' party.

"I'm sure you'll have another chance," I offered as I squeezed his hand back in a comforting manner. I was sure of that. There was no way that Esme would have those two back in the same room once more. She hated that they could not get along. She would force the issue until they cracked. I knew that she would.

We sat like that in somewhat comfortable silence, drinking our coffee as we held hands like 12 year olds. I could feel his warmth pouring through as he held my hand. I could feel his words bubbling up to the surface before he even said them.

"Bella, where does this leave us?" he asked me as I drained the last of my coffee from my cup. I looked over at his intense green eyes and my heart skipped a beat.

"I don't know Edward," I replied back as I watched his face fall a bit.

I wanted to love him. I wanted to believe that all would be well, but I had believed that before and had been burned by it. I wasn't so sure about going back to that flame.

**AN:**

**Hello! Thank you all for reading! Have I told you that I love you all? Well, if I haven't then please know how much you all mean to me! I love every comment and review! Seriously it's like my birthday when I see an email box full of reviews, except this is better since I am not getting older! I hope you all had a lovely weekend and please know that I have already started the next chapter here since we are wrapping things up here. **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	65. Late night confessions

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I slowly got up from the couch and looked around the room. I should go back to Char's to sleep and just like that Edward offered to have me stay over. He insisted as a matter of fact that I stay and he's sleep on the couch. I wanted to tell him no, but I was tired and emotionally drained so I stopped fighting him and just let him lead me to his room.

When he turned on the lights I could see that it was similar to his old room back in Forks with a black comforter and pillows, but when I turned back the covers I discovered bright blue sheets that made me smile a little. It was so like Edward to brighten up the black with a splash of color. He stood there as I crawled into his bed and got situated and then he leaned down to tuck me in as if I was small child.

"If you need anything I'll be out on the couch," he said with a soft smile before leaning over and kissing my forehead boldly as if we were fine once more. I felt the sting of electricity from his kiss there linger as he walked out of the room leaving me in the dark bedroom alone. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep, feeling more at peace than what I had for a long time.

I typically do not remember what I dream at night. I typically have no idea what adventures I have gone on in my own mind, but that night was an exception. I dreamt of my dad's funeral. I was there. I could feel the bite of the wind as I stood there at his open grave. I could feel the cold steel of his casket against my hand. It caused me to shudder not just because of the temperature, but because of the eeriness of it all.

I looked around and there were familiar faces, except it was all different. It was distorted and there was a pain like quality in their faces that I could not place at all. The dream was getting to be too much when I noticed that it wasn't my dad's grave it was mine. I was being buried. This mockery of a funeral was mine. I searched the crowd looking for Edward. I could feel him close by. I knew he was there, but I just couldn't find him. I looked until I saw him walking away from me. I called and called his name, but he never turned around. He never looked back.

I could feel the panic setting in over me just as a pair of strong arms jolted me awake.

"Bella, its ok," I heard his voice mumble thick with sleep. It took a moment for my sleep foggy brain to register who was holding me in the dark room. Edward. It was Edward. He was here. He was holding me. It was all dream. I was alive and Edward was here.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close as I pressed my face into his neck to breath in the scent of soap and boy that made up Edward. It was what I needed to calm down at the moment. I needed him.

Edward didn't say anything he just moved me over like he used to when we lived at his parents' house and then got into bed beside me, all the while I never left his arms. I felt safe there and it was what needed at the time.

He laid us back down, but never let go of me. I knew that he was awake by his breathing, but he never spoke. Instead he just rubbed his hand along my spine in a comforting manner while the other hand held me close to his body. I was thankful that he fine with the silence there was nothing I wanted to say at the moment, unfortunately that silence came to an end as he spoke.

"Bad dream?" he asked me softly as he continued to rub my back in a slow motion that was putting me to sleep once more. I nodded my head to let him know that yes that was the case.

"I'm sorry Bella," he said remorsefully as he kissed my forehead softly. This puzzled me since there was nothing to be sorry about concerning my dream. It was my dream, he had nothing to do with it and I told him this.

"You can't blame yourself for everything,' I whispered with a yawn as I laid there allowing him to touch me like that. It felt nice so I was going to allow it.

Edward remained silent for a while after I said that. I wondered if my words were sinking in to him at all. I didn't blame him for everything. I really didn't. I knew that he had made some bad choices and it was those bad choices that I held him on, not what Emmett did since he had no control there either.

Just as I was drifting back off to sleep I felt Edward shift a little beside me.

"Why did you do it?" he asked in a soft voice that was filled with some type of regret that I did not understand at all.

"Why did I do what?" I asked him still groggy from sleep and intoxicated by the comfort of having him close to me.

"Why did you terminate the baby? Did you not think that I would be there for you?" he asked me with obvious pain in his voice that surprised me a little, but at the same time I was confused. I hadn't terminated anything.

"What are talking about?" I asked him as I felt myself become more awake by the moment as prickles of anxiety cascaded down my body.

"The baby you terminated," he said slowly as if the words hurt him to say it.

"I never terminated the baby. I lost the baby in the accident. Is that what Emmett told you?" I asked him in shock as I sat up to look down at him. I watched as Edward nodded his head yes.

"Edward, I won't lie. I had made an appointment for termination, but I wanted to talk to you first. That's why I called that night. I needed to talk to you," I said once more as I watched his face with his closed off emotions so I could not even begin to guess what he was thinking at the moment.

"Emmett said…" he began out, but then the words just trailed off on their own.

"Yeah, well we both know that Emmett lied," I replied as I lay back down by him. I moved over a little so I could see his face better as we talked.

"I lost the baby due to stress on my body during the accident. I wouldn't have just gone had an abortion without talking to you," I said with conviction. I was getting pissed off that once more Emmett was twisting the facts to make them weapons against us.

"I told you how Emmett was trying to get me to be with him, remember?" I asked him and then waited for him to nod his head before continuing on.

"Edward, I had told Emmett that I was not going to keep the baby. I told him that I would not subject a child to being bounced around back and forth between us, especially if you did not want me in first place, why would want any child that we created," I said to him as I held his eye contact, which was hard since he was so intense looking laying there.

"That's bull shit Bella! I always wanted you and I would have loved any child that was us,' he replied in an angry tone that shocked me a little. I had forgotten how passionate Edward could be at times.

"Try to remember this is right after you left me. What else was I to think?" I asked him as I roiled my eyes at him. Edward became quiet once more and let me continue on.

"I told you how he had offered to be with me. He uh asked me to marry him the night of the accident," I said as I looked away for a moment.

"He did what?" Edward asked in surprise as he took hold of my hand that was close to his and held it in his warm hand.

"Yeah, it was pretty terrible. I told him no, but it was terrible all the same," I said softly as my mind trailed back to that night. Edward wanted details of what happened so I told him of walking up the hall to my room with the scent of tulip on the air. I told him how I prayed it was him in my room waiting for me. I told him about Seth looking worried as I walked by. I told him of my shock to find Emmett in there while my room was covered in tulips and tulip scented candles.

"He had no idea about the tulips. I asked him why tulips and he just said it was because he knew I loved them since I had them everywhere. He had no idea about the meaning and why you would buy me tulips," I said with a sad smile. I wondered if I could ever stand the scent of tulips again after that night.

"Did you tell him why?" Edward asked me with a hard edge in his voice that I knew was anger at Emmett.

"No. What should I have told him? _Yes, tulips are special because it reminds me of sex with your brother. _Yeah, that would have gone over well," I said as I rolled my eyes, but at the same time I felt my cheeks go red with a blush. I felt Edward's hand come up and brush along my heated cheeks as he gave me a silly smile telling me that he knew it probably wouldn't have been a good idea.

"What did you say?" he finally asked me after a moment of silence between us. I knew what he was asking. He wanted to know what my answer to Emmett was.

"I told him no. I told him there could never be a him and me. I told him that it wouldn't work and he went a little nuts,' I said softly as Edward watched my face in the darkness of the room.

"Did you tell him no because of me?" he asked me boldly as his hand traced my cheeks once more in a daring manner that sent goose bumps out over my arms. I looked into Edward's green eyes and I could see the electricity charged in there. I could see the glow of love in them and it made my heart pound.

"Yes," I whispered before I had a chance to think it through over what to say. I watched as a smile flashed across his beautiful face as we laid there. It was a smile of victory and it made my heart clench in my chest.

Edward didn't say another word; he just smiled that cocky smile of his and pulled me close. I didn't fight him since I wanted to be close to him. I instead moved as close to him as I could until our bodies were pressed together and everything around me was him. Once we were comfortable like that I allowed myself to drift off to sleep once more and as I did I felt Edward brush his lips against mine in a stolen kiss, but I didn't mind this time.

"Good night my girl," he whispered to me and that was the last thing that I remembered about that night.

**AN:**

**Hello! Thanks once more for reading!**

**Take care!**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	66. The Want

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The morning sun woke me up with a sleepy sigh as I found myself snuggled close to a sleeping Edward. I looked at his face as he slept and smiled. He looked so young as he lay there lost in his dreams like that. I found myself wanting to run my fingers through his hair, but I stopped myself.

I let out a soft sigh before deciding that I would make us breakfast. I hadn't cooked in forever and to honest I was so sick of eating out that the idea of cooking sounded wonderful to me. I slipped out of Edward's grip while he grumbled a little in his sleep at the loss of contact and then walked out of the room before closing the bedroom door behind me.

I walked into his kitchen and made a quick assessment of what Edward had only to discover that it wasn't much. I could scrape together pancakes, but I was missing some things so I grabbed his keys since I knew Char's key was on there and headed to her place.

I knocked first on her door only to discover that Char and Jane were gone as I let myself in. I knew that Char would have stuff since her mother was fanatical about making sure she was prepared and I was not disappointed. I left Char's with an arm load of note and a note for her stating that I would replace her bacon, eggs and syrup later today after I went to the store.

Once back in Edward' apartment I made quick of making coffee before starting to cook the bacon. I had slipped my IPOD on and listened to music as I worked in hopes of not waking up Edward. I had just finished the bacon and had placed pancakes on when I looked up to find a smiling Edward standing there in all of his morning glory of bed head and being blurry eyed. He still was the most handsome boy I had ever seen.

I pulled my ear buds out so I could hear what he was saying as he stood there speaking to me.

"I thought you had left," he said with a smile that told me how happy he was that I stayed.

"No, I was hungry and I am so sick of eating out. I hope you don't mind that I cooked," I said as I motioned towards the bacon that was done and waiting for him on the plate. He told me not at all, but questioned where I had gotten the food. I told him about my trip to Char's place which made him laugh out loud as he poured himself and me a cup of coffee while I finished up the pancakes.

Once I was done cooking we sat in silence at his small table eating. It wasn't a terribly uncomfortable silence, but it wasn't terribly comfortable either. We seemed to be in this weird spot of not moving forward and yet not giving up the past either. I wasn't sure what to do about that or even if I wanted move forward with him. I just knew that I could not live without him in my life somehow at this moment.

"Thanks for breakfast. I had nearly forgotten what an amazing cook you are," Edward said as he finished off the last of the pancakes leaving us sitting there in silence once more. I could tell something was bothering him so I waited as he found his words for me.

"Do you think you could have lived with him, you know as a couple with our child?" he asked me and there was uncertainty in voice as he asked. I thought we had gone over this, but I guess this was just something that Edward needed reassurance over.

"Edward, it would have been the easy way that was for sure, but I couldn't do that. It would have been impossible to lie to your mom or to you about it. You would have known. I know that with all my heart that you would have been able to see the truth. Plus, I never loved him like that. Emmett had plans though. He reminded me that we could always pass of the child as his since genetics are a funny thing. It was kind of sick you know," I said as I pushed around the last of my pancakes on my plate as I found myself not hungry any more at the thought of being with Emmett.

"Well, it would be funny if that statement came back to bite him in the ass since he knocked up the girl if the kid came out looking like me," Edward said with a snort that made me smile. Yes, it would be funny.

We talked about Veronica since it was a safe topic. I told him how she was a jersey chaser and how I had found them. Edward laughed and reminded me of all the times that Emmett had found us which caused me to blush. Edward smiled a goofy smile every time I blushed at his statements, which only made me blush more. It was horrible.

We spoke of Seth. As if turns out Seth spoke with Edward all the time after he left. Seth would tell him how I was and what I looked like. It was also then that Edward confessed to me about Thanksgiving.

"Bella, I couldn't have you be alone over Thanksgiving. I knew when you told mom that you were in Phoenix with your mom that it was a lie. I knew that would be the last place you would be so I called Seth and had him check," Edward said as he watched me from across the table.

"Thank you I guess. His sister Leah is awesome. I want to go back to Iowa City to visit her," I said with a smile. Yes, Leah was awesome and I needed to see her again.

I looked over at Edward and noticed the gleam of sunlight off his necklace. It was then that I noticed my promise ring attached to it glowing in the sun. He noticed my stare.

"I put it on a necklace when it was given back. You can have back. It was yours. It will always be yours," he offered as he looked at me. I couldn't take it since I wasn't sure about the promise attached to it any more. He said nothing when I declined it softly, but I think that he knew what my reservations were.

We were sitting there in silence once more when there was a pounding on the door. Edward looked at me with raised eyebrows as if questioning me over who it could be.

"Do you think it's Char wanting her food back?" I asked him, which caused him to break out laughing at me as he got up to answer the door. I stayed behind in the kitchen, drinking coffee awaiting his return. I was surprised to see Edward walk in with Riley following behind him. They were talking and Riley appeared to be teasing him since Edward looked red faced.

"I see you never made it to the hotel," Riley said with an evil laugh. I knew that laugh. I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking that I had sex with Edward and that was the hold up on getting to the hotel. I knew that I would be teased nonstop by Riley since he loved to make me blush.

"Get your mind out of the gutter. I stayed since Edward and I had a lot to talk about," I offered as I rolled my eyes at him while Edward looked from Riley to me with a critical eye. I had told Edward that Riley and I weren't having sex, but I don't believe that I fully told him how good of a friend Riley was to me.

"Anyway, I'm here now. When do we meet with the new agent?" Riley said as he sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. I spoke of our upcoming appointment while Edward played host and poured him some coffee.

We sat there together telling Edward of what happened with Victoria. I told him of how I had contacted his dad and Carlisle helped us find this new agent. I told him that we were trying to put the pressure on the publisher to have Victoria terminated, but at the time since the mother of the 17 year old boy was not causing them any issues they did not care that Victoria had broken her contract with them since she was making them money.

"Do you know if the mom knows? I mean, my mom would have a fit over something like that. She had a big enough issue with us and we were the same age let alone someone twice my age," Edward asked as he sat there. He seemed at ease with Riley and that made me happy for some reason.

Riley and Edward talked back and forth for a while and actually came up with a decent idea concerning forcing the publishers hand with Victoria. The thought was that Riley and I could threaten to leave the company since our contracts were for one year only and so a new contract would have to be worked out to keep us there. Since we were their current top authors we had something to barter with concerning Victoria's employment there.

I left Riley and Edward sitting there chatting as I took off to shower and change, but when I came back out Riley was gone leaving only Edward sitting there.

"Where did Riley go?' I asked him as he looked at me with an appraising eye as I stood there in my jeans and t-shirt.

"He had to make a phone call, but said he'd be back. I invited him for dinner. I hope you don't mind, that is I guess if you are staying for dinner," he said in a nervous tone that made me smile a little. Of course I was staying. I had plans to cook it and that meant a trip to the store was needed.

I waited until Edward was dressed before I left for the store. We went together and it seemed so normal. We walked the aisles together, planning out what was needed for meals and I felt my heart ache over this. I wondered if Edward did.

The afternoon passed and soon it was evening. I was busy cooking while Edward sat there watching me like he always does. I could feel his eyes on me. It was then that I decided to ask him about what he did while we were apart.

My question seemed to startle him a little since it took him a while to answer. I looked over at him and I could see the haunted look pass over his face as he looked back at me.

"Uh, for the first two weeks I stayed in bed. Well, it wasn't my bed, it was yours, back at home," he stammered nervously as he looked away from me. I could sense his embarrassment as he looked away.

"I wasn't very good at being apart from you. I would call Seth to see how you were and I would hear how you were still making it to class and how you seemed put together. I would get more depressed because I wondered if you cared as much about me as I cared about you since I was dying here without you," he said softly, almost in a whisper. I turned to look at him, stunned at his words.

How could he ever believe that? How could ever he believe that I did not love him like he loved me? I felt my anger rising as I looked at him.

"How can you say that? I felt like you had gutted me. I felt like I was hollow. I was lost without you Edward," I said in a loud voice that was just short of yelling at him. I watched him flinch at my words and part of me hoped that hearing it all hurt him abit.

"I didn't sleep in my bed for weeks because it smelled like you and it hurt too much to even smell you. I couldn't sleep. I didn't eat. I dreamt of you every night. When the accident happened the only images in my mind were of you. There was no flashback of my life that played for me. There was only images of you and your voice so don't tell me how you were upset that I didn't care, but that is a lie," I said as I watched him stare at me as if I had slit my wrists in front of him.

Edward moved with lightening speed and I found myself in his arms, being crushed by a hug. I could hear his murmurs over and over telling me that he was sorry, that he would make it up to me. I could hear him telling me that he was stupid and wrong. I could feel his lips move against my cheek as he whispered that he loved me more than his own life and that he felt like he was dying without me. I pulled him tighter me as his words settled over me. I could feel his lips move lower on my neck as his whispered, begging forgiveness, and begging for another chance. He had moved to kissing my neck causing me shudder against him just as someone knocked on the door.

I jumped a little in Edward's arms, but he held me still against him. He continued to kiss me, moving up along my jaw line until he reached my lips. He had just captured my lips in a soft kiss that held so much promise when the knock on the door turned into pounding on the door.

He pulled away from me and it was then that I realized that we both were gasping for air. Edward's eyes were so dark that they looked black. I have seen him look like that before. It was a look of hunger and want. The look made my skin blaze with heat as well as causing the tight coiling of anticipation for him in my lower belly. I wanted him too and it was killing me that I did.

I watched Edward back away from me as he tried to discreetly arrange the hard on he was now sporting before answering his door. I watched him with glassy eyes as he turned to look at me, smoldering with heat, before opening the door to see who was there.

Once the door was opened Char and Jane came tumbling in. They had already dipped into the wine they brought, but had left the 6 pack of beer untouched. Char hated beer.

Edward went into host mode. He quickly got them comfortable and was pouring drinks when riley showed up. Riley wandered into the small kitchen where I was finishing up the final touches of dinner while Edward talked with the girls.

I felt Riley watching me for a while before he spoke. I found this to be unnerving since I could almost feel his judgment against my skin.

"What?" I finally asked him as he stood there, drinking his beer, watching me like I was the most interesting thing he had ever seen in his life.

"Look at you," he said with a smile as he motioned towards me with a wide hand gesture. His actions were pissing me off since I just wanted him to talk already.

"You look happy Bella," he said simply as he gave me a bit of sad smile. I rolled my eyes at him, but I knew that he was speaking the truth. I had awoken happier and better rested than I had in weeks. I had actually felt put back together after talking with Edward. I could say it was the closure of knowing things now, but I wasn't sure.

"There is no crime being happy," Riley replied to my eye roll as he laughed a little at me.

"As a matter of fact it really suits you. You seem so at peace and so does you boy in there. Did you two make up?" he asked me as he stepped closer so that the conversation stayed between us and not the others in the room.

"No, but we have been talking about what happened, what went wrong," I offered as I offered Riley a bite of the sauce that I had cooked. I smiled as he moaned and closed his eyes as he took a taste, telling me how amazing it was.

"That's a start," Riley said as he wiped his mouth off so that there was no left over sauce lingering there.

"Are you going to take him back?" he asked me as he grabbed a carrot from the salad that I was putting together.

"I don't know. I still care about him, but I just…" I started to say, but how do you say that I was worried that he would destroy once more. I knew that I would not live through him leaving me again if I took him back.

"I think that Edward wouldn't make that mistake twice. I think that it wouldn't have gotten this big, this fucked without his brother's help," he said with a sigh as he looked over at Edward, who was watching us closely.

I believed this to be true as well. I also know that if I had awoken at the hospital with Edward there we would have been back together. I knew in the bottom of my heart that I would have forgiven him for his pushing me away. I would have forgiven him for making decisions on my behalf. I would have done it all because I loved him more than the air I breathed, but now after all this time I was wary of him.

Edward joined us in the kitchen and it effectively ended our conversation about us. The night wore on and it was nice. Riley got along wonderful with my friends. Char was taken by him and even Jane seemed interested him. It felt right. It felt like we had all been friends forever.

I tried to listen to the conversation around me, but I was lost in my own head. I kept thinking about Edward. I wanted him. I wanted him badly and I knew he wanted me. That light kiss was enough to send me into sensation over load. It had been almost six months since we had last touched, last made love and now I was desperate for it, for him.

I tried to remind myself that it would be a mistake to lose myself to him until I was sure that he would not hurt me like that ever again, but if I was honest with myself there was no way he could ever prove that too me. I had to decide if I could forgive him. I knew that I wanted him in my life no matter what. I knew that I missed him and there was no one like him anywhere. I knew that he made me feel alive. I knew that he loved me enough to let me go, even if it was stupid, and that type of love is rare.

I remained lost in my thoughts as the night passed. I would look over at Edward and find him watching me with a smile on his face. I could feel that pull to be with him once more as it settled over my bones and into my soul. It was comforting and frightening all at once since I knew that this boy had so much power over me.

My eyes would lock with his and as they did I felt the heat of his gaze across my skin. I could feel the electricity crackle in the air around us as we sat close in his small apartment. It was killing me as I felt myself grow wet and needy as the electricity settled over me, making me want him. My mind was suddenly filled with images of sex with him in the past. I could see his face as we made love. I could hear his reactions to my touch. I could almost taste the saltiness of his skin and the tartness that always greeted me as I took him my mouth. All these thoughts were whipping me into frenzy and I needed to cool down before I followed him into the kitchen and demand that he fuck me right there.

I excused myself to the bathroom and as I did I felt Edward's eyes on me. I needed to get away from his heated gaze. I needed to step back and remember that things cannot be fixed with a good fucking. I needed to remember that our issues were bigger than that and we had spent almost 6 months apart because of them.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I could see the flush on my skin. I could see the wantonness in my eyes. I could see the need I had to be taken, fucked, made loved to, whatever you wanted to call it. I could see the need and I was sure that Edward could as well; after all it was him that had put that need there. It was him that first learned how to draw upon that need.

I splashed a little cool water on my face in hopes of cooling down a bit. Once I was somewhat sure that I was better put together I opened the door and went back to my friends. No one seemed to notice that I had been missing, except Edward, but he noticed everything about me. My eyes met his and he gave me a smile. It was a soft smile; it was a smile that held a promise of things to come for us. I felt my heart flutter at the smile as I felt myself blush red for him, which caused him to smile while sliding his hand over mine for a moment before turning back to the conversation at hand.

I tried to return my focus to the others as well. I knew that I would have time to focus on Edward and what would become of us once we were alone.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Hope you all are having a wonderful day! I wanted to share that Perhaps Not to be was accepted by Twilighted with the help of the amazing Icarustosun's mad beta skills. Also, I will be contributing a one-shot to the Fandom for Preemies. If you have any idea over that one-shot please let me know. I will also be putting their link on my profile page so you can see who else is helping out. Thanks once more for reading!**

**Love,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo **


	67. The reunion

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Our friends stayed for awhile that night. They seemed to know that we needed time alone and that caused them to stay even longer. I would look over and find Char and Riley whispering back and forth like a couple of thirteen year olds and when they would look back at me they would laugh. I fucking hate that.

Edward could tell I was getting frustrated by their actions and wrapped his arm around me as we sat by each other on the couch and pull me closer to him in a comforting manner, but it wasn't helping me at all. Touching him was only making it worse since the electricity that passed between us was sending me in to sensation overload. I felt him lean closer to me until I could feel his breath against my ear.

"They are just trying to get a rise out of you," he whispered in a breathy tone that made me want to turn and silence him with a kiss. I felt his hand slide over my thigh until it rested against my knee.

I turned a little so I could face him better only to find that his eyes were still dark with desire as he gave me a playfully look. I knew that he was trying to down play his want also, but I could see it plain as day in front of me.

"Yes, I know they are talking about us. I know that they are assholes and are acting like bff's from the 6th grade, but I hate it all the same and wish they would remember that we are supposed to be adults here," I said to Edward sweetly as my eyes locked with his. I watched as his eyes dipped from mine to my lips. He was thinking of kissing right there in front of everyone, the funny thing is I would have welcomed it as the others laughed at me like the pricks they were.

I untangled myself from Edward and stood up to go to the kitchen. I was going to give them their dessert and then get them out of here. I was done with them. I loved the fact that Riley and Char got along so well, plus that Jane seemed somewhat normal tonight, but I was done being hostess. I wanted be to a lone, preferably with Edward.

Once in the kitchen I pulled out the small ramekins of crème Brule that I had made. They were done and I just needed to torch the sugar on top with the kitchen torch that Edward had. He had no idea why he had it, but there it was amongst his kitchen appliances so might as well put it to good use, plus I loved crème bruele.

I was just scattering the sugar on top when Edward walked in and offered to help me. His eyes were burning bright green as he looked at me. I put him to work with a hand mixer whipping the cream to make fresh whipped cream. I held his hand over the mixer showing him how the mixing needed to be done and as I did I felt the charge of emotion go over my skin. I watched as he shuddered a little and then smiled knowing that he felt it too.

I had missed him and this feeling so much that I suddenly found tears in my eyes. Edward looked over at me and saw the tears in my eyes. He stopped the hand mixer and pulled me to him.

"What's a matter?" he asked me as I found myself pressed against his hard chest. I could hear the concern in his voice as he held me close.

'"Nothing," I said simply, but Edward looked into my eyes and I watched a flash of sorrow across his face. He knew. I could feel it throughout me that he knew what I was thinking. He confirmed it a moment later by squeezing me tight against his hard frame while looking into my eyes.

"I missed you too. So much that it caused this ache right here," he said as he motioned towards his chest. I knew all about that ache. I had felt it every day since he had been gone and it had only intensified over time.

We were standing there holding each other when Char walked in and smiled at us with a knowing smile.

"Hey, why don't you go out with the others? We'll never get dessert if you stay in here with Bella," she said with a happy voice that surprised me a little. Edward protested a bit before Char was finally able to shoo him out of the kitchen while she took over whipping the cream and I torched the crème bruele tops.

"I won't say another thing. I won't tease you either. I will only say that all of _this_ is about time," she offered to me without looking at me. I knew that she was talking about Edward and I being together. I guess she was right. It was about time. We had been apart enough and I knew that there was no one else for me except Edward.

"Do you think Riley will come home with Jane and me?" she asked me out of the blue causing me to choke on my drink of beer. I sputtered for air as Char laughed at me and my reaction.

Once I finally found my breath I turned to look at her with surprise. I thought that she had gone all girl after Emmett.

"What? You two in there are sending off such heated gazes and the sexual tension is so high. I just find myself missing a guy and what they can do to me. Besides someone should get laid tonight with all the heat in that room and might as well be me," Char said as she explained herself with a sigh as if it was no big deal.

"What about Jane?" I asked her surprised at her admission.

"Jane is welcome join in, but I don't know if she will. She's never been with a guy before so it might be interesting," Char said with a devious smile that made me laugh a little. I never understood how Char could be so casual with sex, but that was Char.

"Tell me honestly, did you have sex with Riley?" she asked with hope in her eyes. I could tell she was hoping that my answer had changed to a yes. She wanted the dirt on him, but I had nothing to offer as I told her no.

"So you've gone what? Six months without?" she asked as if she was doing the math in her had concerning the last time I had sex and once more I hated her casual attitude. To me sex was private and this was no place to discuss it.

"I don't know how you did it. I mean, you two used to go at it all the time. Do remember when I came in …" she started with a laugh, but I cut her off. Yes, I did remember when she came in to Edward's room just as we finished. We were still a tangle of arms legs and kisses as Char walked in unannounced and started snapping pictures. It was embarrassing and I never found out what happened to the pictures that she took of us.

"Yes," I replied in an icy tone that made her laugh loud.

"Don't worry. Edward has the pictures as well as the negative, but you should look them. They are really beautiful,' she replied with a dreamy sigh that she gives when she speaks of pictures that she is really proud of. There was a moment of silence before Char spoke again, giving me a chance to brace myself for whatever else it was that Char wanted to tease me about.

"It was hard at first, you know, knowing that Emmett was so into you. It made me feel bad at first, but then I just felt bad for Edward and you since you would never escape it and neither would Edward," she said with a sad sigh as she looked at me with sad eyes.

"Well, that's comforting. Thanks Char," I replied sarcastically as I rolled my eyes at her.

"He's his brother. As long as you are with Edward, Emmett will be lurking around somewhere," Char said with the same sad smile on her face. She was right though. Emmett would always be around even if it was just in passing on holidays around Carlisle and Esme.

"So you've forgiven him?" she asked me as she tried to change the subject and lighten the mood a bit after mentioning Emmett. I glanced into the adjoining room and looked at Edward, who seemed to sense my gaze and looked up to see me watching him, which earned me a smile from him.

I hadn't really thought about if I already had forgiven him. I thought about everything with him and yes, I guess I had, but I was still scared. I explained this to Char who stood there dollaping the crème Brule with the fresh whipped cream that she had just finished.

"I know that I don't believe that he would be that stupid again, but then again it wasn't me that he left. I think maybe only time will help heal that worry," Char said and then turned to call everyone in to eat. I watched Edward stand up and walk in the kitchen, by passing the dessert and instead heading straight for me.

"Did you know that Riley is going home with Char and Jane?" he asked me in a low voice that held the same surprise that mine did as I spoke to Char about the idea. I nodded my head.

"If she hurts him I'll have to kill her," I whispered back to him making his laugh a little as he grabbed a cup of dessert with a spoon.

"I told Riley about the same thing. I think they'll be ok," he whispered back and then offered me a spoon full of dessert. I opened my mouth and took what he offered. The crème Brule tasted so good that I could not help, but to moan a little as it hit my tongue. I looked over at Edward and watched him bite his lip as I turned red in front of him.

Edward continued to feed me ignoring the conversation around us as he would take the occasional bite and then would go back to biting his own bottom lip in a nervous manner. I watched him for a while before I reached up and tugged on his bottom lip with my thumb until it was freed from his teeth. Edward gave me a smile that melted my bones as he looked at me with his eyes nearly glowing now.

I listened to friends chatter, but Edward and I were in our own little bubble. I reached over and took hold of his hand once he put the dish in the sink. I didn't want to break our connection and neither did he since he seemed relieved that I grabbed his hand so tightly. Time was passing slowly and then finally Char announced that she was leaving. She was taking Riley and Jane with her. Part of me was thankful that they all were leaving, but the other part was scared.

I was scared that it had been so long since I had been physical with Edward. I was scared that my small, but trustworthy group of friends was going to wreck everything due to a night of release. I hated being scared.

Edward walked them to the door as he dragged me behind him by the hand that he refused to let go of. We all made promises of seeing each other tomorrow. Riley told me that he would call first and then winked. It was at that moment I thought about killing him.

Once they were gone and Edward turned to me. His eyes were dark and I could see the want in them. He was standing there, not moving, but instead watching me. I knew what he was doing. He was giving me the chance to back out. He was giving me the opportunity to tell him no, but there was no way I could now. I needed him. It was burning in my blood like a fire.

"Stay with me?" he asked me in a soft voice, almost like a whisper. It burned across my skin causing me to flush under its heat.

"Always," I replied back before I had a chance to think of my answer. This was the answer that my heart was giving him, even if my brain did not quite agree with it yet. I watched his face light up at my words. Yes, my hearts words made him very happy.

Edward stepped forward and pulled me into him at the same time. He wrapped his arm around me to hold me to him and just as I thought he would lean in to kiss me he stopped. I looked up into his green eyes and I could see all the hope and fear and love swirling in them. Watching all the emotion made me dizzy while making me want him even more.

Slowly he pulled back away from me until there was a little space in between us. It was that space that would be my saving grace. It was that space that allowed me to think a little instead of reaction based on emotion.

"Bella, you have to tell me," he said in a soft, yet demanding voice as we stood there looking at each other. His green eyes locked on mine as I stood there before him. I had no clue what he needed to hear.

"Where are we? Are we starting over, just trying to be friends once more?" he asked me in a serious tone that surprised me.

"Edward, I don't know if we were ever really just friends," I replied without thinking as I spoke to him. I watched his face fall a little at my statement.

"Are we getting back together? Are we a couple again? Can I call you mine?" he asked me, finishing in a whisper of a voice.

"What do you want us to be?" I asked him. I was genuinely curious about what he wanted. I wanted to hear him speak about what he wanted for us.

"No you don't. I know you Bella, and you are trying to turn this so that it is all me. I won't allow it this time. I want to hear what you want since last time we did what I wanted and it about killed me and you. So tell me, Bella, what is it? What are we?" he asked me as he stood there with a pained look as he waited for my response.

I felt my heart pound at his words. What did I want? Did I want him back? I had always wanted him back. I had missed him more than anything and no amount of anger covered that up. I knew I was taking a risk, but hell, I had done it before with him. I had taken a risk with him and I would not have changed one moment I had with him. I would have changed one kiss or touch or whispered _I love you._

I had a decision to make and as I watched Edward squirm under the pressure of waiting for my answer. My mind started to spin as I thought of taking another risk, another chance with Edward and that is when I decide that I wouldn't listen to it any more, and I would only listen to my heart. My heart was telling me that this man before would never hurt me like that again. My heart told me that I would never love any one like I love him. It told me that he belonged to me. It told me that Edward would always be worth the risk.

I stepped closer to him as Edward watched with anxiety on his face. I reached up and quickly cupped his face in my hands, pulling it down so that it was more on my level before smashing my lips against his in a hard kiss. I felt him smile against my lips, which lead to a laugh form him as well. He was happy and so was I.

Edward pressed back into our kiss as he brought his hand up to cup my face as well. I could feel his fingers ghost over my cheeks as his held me so tenderly there as if I was made of glass and his was scared that I would break somehow.

After a moment I felt him open his mouth under our kiss and I quickly took advantage of the situation by sliding my tongue along his causing him to moan. I felt his hand drop from my face to my waist, pulling me tighter against him so I was flushed with his body. The hold he had on me there was bordering on painful and I loved it since it was proof that he was really there with me.

We clung to each other kissing for as if we had forever to do so, never moving from our spot by his front door as our hands wandered, reacquainting themselves with the other's arms, shoulders, hips, necks. It was like I could not stop touching him. It was as if I was compelled to hold him, touch him as if that was only way for me to understand that this was real and not a dream. The funny thing about it was that it was the same for Edward.

I slowly pulled him so that I was walking backwards towards the couch. I wanted to sit and enjoy him. I wanted to touch him and listen to his gasps and moans. I wanted to feel his skin against mine.

It did not take long for Edward to figure out what I wanted and soon he took charge. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug so that he could pick-me-up; all the while he never broke our kiss. I felt him walk with my feet dangling beneath me until we reached his bedroom and it was there that he broke the kiss for a moment.

"We don't have to… I just thought… more room," he stammered as I peppered his lips with kisses as he tried to speak. I knew that he was not trying to push the sex issue, but I wanted to. I wanted him.

I squirmed until; my feet reached the floor once more and then slide my hand up under his shirt so I could feel the skin of his lower back as I held him to me. I tugged on his shirt, letting him know that I wanted this gone. Edward watched me and then groaned as he pulled off his shirt leaving him bare chest before. I had always loved his chest and began to place light, open mouthed kisses all over him there before centering on over his heart.

Edward pulled on my shirt as well leaving me standing there in my black lace bra. It was always one that he loved and I was so glad that I had the right mind to wear it today even though this was not how I saw the ending with him. He walked me back wards until the back of my knees hit the edge of his bed. It was at that moment that I reached forward and unbuttoned his pants, slowly, in a teasing manner that caused him to gasp for air. I slid my hand down his flat stomach to where his boxers were tenting out with excitement and it was there that he stopped me. His hand grabbed my wrist gently and held it, preventing me from moving at all.

"Are you sure?" he asked me in a strained voice that made me smile even though I hated that he was stopping me.

"You don't want me?" I asked him as I looked up into his green eyes and was met with a look of horror in his eyes. His and flew up to my face and soon Edward's lips were claiming mine in the most possessive way possible. It was like he was trying to kiss away all my fears and doubts with the fire of his kiss.

I felt him spin us and soon he was sitting down the bed, pulling me on top of him slowly. It felt amazing as my body came to rest on top of his. I had missed this and as the thought of that hit me I found myself giving in to a small moan that Edward answered with one of his own.

I loved the feel of his skin against mine. He felt so warm, to the point where it seemed like he was burning me with his touch. WE shifted again and I found myself with my back on the mattress while Edward hovered above me. He had had his arms braced on each side of my head as he leaned to kiss me. I spread my legs so he could settle in-between then, earning a low loan from Edward as he sunk down into me.

I loved the feel of his weight on top of me. I loved how he tried to be such a gentleman and keep his hard on from pressing into me. I loved everything about this moment. It felt new and old all at the same time.

He was my Edward, but at the same time he was someone different. We had spent time apart and in that time apart we each had changed a little. I wanted to go over his body and discover each little change that had occurred. I wanted to taste his skin and see if tasted the same. I wanted to brand myself on his heart so he could never leave me again.

Edward seemed to struggling just as I had. His hands were everywhere. I could feel them roaming over me causing wakes of desire to rippled through me. His hands felt like they were reclaiming me, but at the same trying to discover who I was now. It was hard to reconcile those feelings.

Edward made quick work of my pants by unbuttoning them and tugging them off me before settling on my side once more. His hands trailed down my hips and over where my panties clung to me before trailing back up my thigh to brush over my over heated center with the most gently of touches. I could hear him whispering against the skin of my neck over how beautiful he thought I was. It made me blush.

I pushed him off me for a moment and enjoyed his surprised face as I undid my bra, letting my breast fall free as I flung the garment across the room to the chair he had in the corner. I felt his eyes on me as laid back down beside him before pulling him close.

His mouth followed his eyes as they each created a trail of fire along my skin. I felt his hand reach my panties and slowly start to pull them down my thighs so free them from my body. I could not contain the gasp of air as I felt his hand ghost over my heated skin there.

He pulled back to look at me. I could feel his eyes everywhere. I could see him going over my skin as if he was making note of every change he found until he saw the scar on my thigh from where I was stabbed my glass. He shifted so that he could rest against my outer thigh. I felt him lean over and run his fingers over the scar. I could feel his eyes boring into the mark on me. I wondered what he was thinking, but before I had a chance to ask he leaned over and placed a small kiss on top of my thigh before moving back up once more to kiss my chest over my heart.

Edward continued on his quest to touch me causing me to moan as I felt his fingers touch me and marvel at how wet I was for him. I could hear his mumbling of some about 181 days. I tried to think about what he was whispering about, but I could not understand.

I felt his lips move against my skin in a teasing manner as he licked, and sucked on my breasts while I felt his slip a finger inside me, filling me stretching me as I gasped at the sensation of it. I listen to his whispering of his love for me, how he missed me, how he was so sorry he hurt me. He repeated himself like a broken record as he worshiped me with his hands and mouth. I then heard him mumble about how it had been 181 days since he had last touched me, tasted me, held me, loved me. It caused my heart my break in my chest. He had kept track to the days since we were last together like this. I wondered if he thought we would ever be like this again.

I move under him, telling him that I needed him now. I didn't want to wait. I wanted to feel him against me, inside me, all around me. I needed to feel the burning sensation of him consuming me. I needed him like I air I breathed. It had been too long and we both had waited long enough.

Edward shed his pants and boxers that he was still wearing. I hadn't had a chance to explore on him, but there was always next time. Once he was gloriously naked he shifted over the top of me, rubbing his hard erection against where I needed him most, causing us both to moan in need. The light that poured into the room from the hallway caused shadows on his face, making him look unearthly, like a devil or angel I wasn't sure which.

He paused as he pushed into me and then stopped fully looking up into my eyes with a question. I could see that he wanted me to say something and I had no idea what so I offered what I thought he would want to her.

"Only you. No one but you," I stammered breathlessly as I pulled him towards me, letting him know I had been with no one except him. His features softened as he looked at me into a smile as he panted against me.

"Always you. No one, but you" he responded telling me what I needed to hear as well, but he was still stopped there right on the edge. The need was becoming too much as I moved under him urging him on. I whispered my need for him and he kissed me passionately as if to hold me in place.

"I don't mind…. I want to, but maybe not…" he stammered as he looked at me trying to tell me something. I was lost as to what he was trying to say.

"Sweetheart, birth control…. I want babies with you, but…." He stammered as if he was fighting the urge to thrust inside me while trying to form a coherent thought. I laughed at him and told him that I had taken my pill faithfully. I told him that I got pregnant due to antibiotics and no back up. He corrected me and said _we not you._

Once the birth control issue was cleared up he slowly moved so that he could enter me. It had been 181 days since we had last made love. It felt like a lifetime though. I watched as he closed his beautiful eyes in concentration. I felt him stretching me, filling me as if it were the first time all over again, but without the sting of pain that follow-up the first time he ever entered me. I felt myself gasp for breath as he continued to push in slowly. He still was not fully inside me as he paused while I gasped for air. He looked down at me concerned with a tight look on his face. I could tell that he was trying to not focus on the sensation otherwise this would be over before we began.

While he paused I decided that I was tired of slow. I moved my legs up and wrapped around his waist so that they were resting on the small of his back. The movement sent him forward, sinking into me deeply with a groan as he filled me. I ran my hands up his smooth back, enjoying the feel of his muscles as they moved under my touch. I continued on touching him running over his shoulders until I was able to reach his hair and give it a tug to motion his mouth towards mine for kiss.

I kissed him, tangling my tongue with his, enjoying his taste of sugar and beer. He started to move within me causing me to gasp once more. He moved his lips to away for a moment, but they were still so close that we were sharing our breath. I looked into his eyes and I could see that he wanted more. I could see the love in his eyes. I could see the want. I could see the sorrow. I wanted the sorrow gone.

My heart was pounding, ready to burst out of my chest as he began to move within me causing me to twist beneath him in pleasure. I had forgotten how good it felt to be with him like this. I had forgotten how close I felt him like this. I forgotten how I could see his soul in his eyes when he made love to me and how amazingly beautiful that soul was. I had forgotten it all, but my body hadn't. I was reacting to him as I always did. My body remembered the pleasure, the pain, the want that Edward caused within me.

He thrust into me with underlying excitement; it was as if he was claiming me as his all over again. It was rougher, but it felt like a deeper connection than what we had before. I found myself burning from the inside out. I was burning as he stutteringly told me he loved me, how he missed me and how he would make it up to me the 181 days we were apart. I was burning, but not just from his word and chasing, my own completion. I was burning because I had words of my own slowly killing me until I opened my mouth to let them out.

I told him in disjointed sentences as he filled me over and over again what I saw as our story. I told him that I had thought he was as beautiful as an angel the first time I ever saw him. I told him that when he first kissed me I knew that I loved him. I told him that he was with me I felt safe. I told him that I knew we were meant to be. I told him that I loved him more than my own life. I told him that I died when he left me. I told him that I was empty without him. I told how I missed him every day. It was those words that caused him to stop just as I thought he was going to reach his peak.

He just stopped and pulled me up a little so he could reach my face better. Edward then covered my face with kisses as he whispered his sorrow. I felt his lips kissing away the tears that I had shed unknowingly. I grasped his face and kissed him slowly, passionately as our tongues tangled together in a suggestive manner that mirrored how he was moving within me just a few moments earlier. I tried to pour everything I had into that kiss so he would know that I understood and I forgave him. Edward kissed me back with an answering passion, telling me wordlessly that he would never leave me again.

I was slowly lowered back down, but I continued to hold him close to me as he thrust into me again. I told him how I thought of him every day. I told him how much I loved his eyes and his smile. I told him that I loved him with everything I had. I told him I wanted babies with him. I told that I wanted forever with him and it was with that I felt myself finally slip over into orgasmic bliss. It was as if I had needed to say all of that to him to find my release with him and it was his name on my lips that I chanted as I came around him.

Edward followed close behind with stuttered breaths and a whisper of my name as he filled me with his release. I held him tight as his shuddered against me while his teeth bit my shoulder in delight. Once he was able to find himself again his lips were everywhere on, my face, kissing me as he had always done, but this time it felt different. It felt like more.

I held him to me so he could not move, keeping him inside me as long as possible which made him sigh in my arms as he kissed me. Edward didn't try to move though. He lay on top of me kissing my forehead before taking a deep breath to speak. I fully expected to hear him profess his love for me, but that is not what he told me. He instead surprised me and answered my story word for word.

He told me that he had loved me since we were 10. He told me that when we first met he knew that it was always me. He knew that he would always be mine after the first kiss we ever had. He told me that he loved me so much that he couldn't think right around me at times. He told me that when he left me it the hardest thing he ever had to do and he would never do it again.

He told me that when he thought that I was dead after the accident that he knew that he would die without me. He told me that he missed me every day. He told me how he thought of me every day. He told me there was a book in his apartment that held every review of my book as well as any pictures he could find of me while I was gone on tour.

He told me that he knew that I was meant for him. He told me that he always gets lost in my eyes. He told me that he loved me more than his own life and he wanted forever and babies with me as well.

His words spilled out of him in a rushed manner like he was having trouble keeping them inside long enough for them to make sense to me. I leaned up and captured his lips with mine in a soft kiss to comfort him as he started to seem panicked about it all.

Edward moved off me slowly while I complained about the loss of him, which earned me a bright smile. I watched him reach behind him and take off the silver toned necklace that he was wearing to pull my ring off of it.

I smiled and giggled a little as he took hold of hand and slowly slipped my ring back where it belonged on my finger. I looked at it for a moment and then pulled Edward back in for a kiss. There was no more need for words we had said them all to each other.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thanks for reading! We still have to take care of Victoria, have Bella meet up with Carlisle & Esme as well as Emmett so not much more now. I hope their reunion was worth it to you since writing lemons make me nervous.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	68. Finding our way

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

We slept in until late morning, tired from our time together last night. We had spent the night talking and making love. We had tried to tell each other everything, but sometimes words weren't enough. Sometimes we just needed to touch or kiss or be connected. I had missed being connected to him like this.

In the morning I awoke to a sleeping Edward pressed against my back, holding me tight to him as if he thought I would run off in the night. Maybe he did worry about that, I don't know, all I do know is that this felt right. I laid there for while just breathing, thinking about Edward. I rubbed my hand over his as he held me there until I felt him still against me. I felt him dip his face against my shoulder. I could feel the scratchiness of his morning whiskers against my skin causing me to shudder a little as I thought about what it would feel like against my inner thighs.

"Good morning baby," he said in a gravelly voice that made my stomach flip in excitement. I wanted to laugh at myself over it since we had made love countless times throughout the night so his morning voice should not affect me like this, but it did.

"Morning," I replied unable to keep the smile out of my voice as I wiggled against him a little. I could feel him hard and ready as ever against the small of my back as I rubbed against him teasingly. I giggled a little as I heard him groan at my actions.

"Have I told you how much I missed you?" he asked me with his voice still thick with sleep. I shook my head no even though it was a lie. He had told me over and over last night how much he had missed me. He had told me how lonely he was. He had told me how he was lost without me just as I was lost without him. It was painful and comforting to hear all the at the same time.

I pressed against him once more feeling the heat from his body as well as his hardness that was causing sparks of want to zing inside me once more. I felt Edwards's hand skim along my waist, pausing only to squeeze my hip a little before settling between my legs. I pulled my leg up to rest on top of his thigh, allowing him better access to me as I felt his fingers slowly dance across my clit in a teasing manner as I felt his lips kiss at my shoulder before nipping me there.

"Are you sore?" he asked me in a tone that showed his want as his fingers moved so that they were teasing my entrance before sliding inside of me, making gasp at the sensation of it all. He was asking, but I could hear the hope in his voice that I would not say no, as if I could tell him no. I wanted him and there was nothing that could be done about that. Yes, I was a little sore, but it had been six months so of course I would be sore. It was almost like being a virgin all over again when it came to soreness that morning, but I didn't mind.

I didn't answer him; instead I raised my arm so that I could wrap my arm around his head to pull him closer. I felt his other arm slid under me until it appeared at my side before teasing my breast as his mouth kissed my neck and shoulder.

"Do you want me?' he asked in a rough whisper as he pressed himself closer as he lifted my leg a little so that he was able to settle his hard on against me, stretching me a little which incited a small moan that made him laugh a little in a sleepy tone.

"I always want you," I replied a little more breathless than I had hoped for. It was true though. I would always want him and I would always want to be with him like this. He moved his hand from where it was teasing me, preparing me for him so that he had room to enter me which he did with a slow push that caused us both sigh in delight.

We had never made love like this before. His hands were open to touch me all over, teasing me to orgasm as he slow slid in and out of me in a controlled manner. He would nip at me as I whispered his name urging him on or asking him to continue doing what he was doing. He would kiss my neck and whisper sweet nonsense in my ear as he filled me, but I wanted to see him. I needed to see his eyes. I loved looking into his eyes when we were connected like this since they told me all the things that he had no words to say.

I tried to move, but Edward held me in place by wrapping his arm around my waist for; leverage for his thrusting. His hands moved over me causing me to lose my mind as I felt him everywhere around me until I finally came in a hard shudder against him. My cumming seemed to set him off since he soon followed me in with a loud groan of as he filled me.

He held me tight as he tried to catch his breath and then kissed me as his hands trailed up and down my still sensitive body causing me to twitch in delight of caresses.

"I missed this," he whispered softly to me as he held me there. I had missed this too, waking up with him beside me eager to go. I untangled myself from his arms long enough to turn so I could face him. He looked so happy as he gave me a big dopey grin that I found myself smiling back as well as he pulled me back into his arms.

We spent the morning like this, naked, kissing in each other's arms until Edward looked at the clock with a groan. He had class today and even though he was going to skip it I insisted that he go. I watched him get out of bed, naked, lean, lithe looking as he walked out towards the bathroom for a shower. It amazed me over how perfectly content he always was to be naked in front of me, but I guess it was truly no big deal after sharing each other so intimately like that. I lay in bed for only a moment after he asked me if I was going to join him before I finally caved and followed him in there as well.

I walked into the bathroom just as naked and stepped in the shower behind him before I wrapped my arms around him once more. Edward turned to face me with a grin. I loved it when he was happy and that day he was very happy.

After a very thorough shower Edward started to get dressed for class. I could tell he hated the idea of leaving me there, but I would only smile and shake my head at him. I promised him a nice dinner if he went and then we could do whatever he wanted that night which caught his attention a bit. He was just in the process of trying to talk me into going along with him to wait at the campus for him when there was a knocking at the door.

He left me in the kitchen to answer the door and came back in with riley in tow.

"Go to class Edward. I'll be here when you get back, I promise," I said simply as I watched Edward smile at me as if I was reading his mind. I could not believe that after last night he would think that I would walk out on him, but I guess that was an actual concern to him. I told myself we would address his concern about me leaving later.

"Hey man, go on, I'm just here to write. I'll keep her entertained for a while," Riley offered as he sat down with his lap top in hand motioning towards the open screen. Riley and I had developed a bit of a partnership when it came to writing. When I needed action as in fighting I would consult with him and when he needed romance I was his go to girl for assistance in writing that.

Edward looked at me with a skeptical look, but I countered it with a kiss and then shooed him out the door. I could feel Riley's eyes on us as Edward pulled me in for a tight hug that he incorporated a slight groping in before kissing me soundly good bye with a murmured _I love you _ against my lips.

"Jesus, you'd think he was heading off to war with a good bye like that," Riley commented as I closed the door on Edward to look back at Riley with a scowl.

"I'm just saying Bella. I guess you two made up," he said with a smile as he looked at me in a wolfish manner which caused me to roll my eyes at him.

"Yes, and leave it alone," I said sternly, knowing that he would start to make sex comments since that was what he did.

"What? Can't I say that it's nice to see you happy?" he asked in an innocent tone, too innocent actually.

"Yes, you may, but leave it at that," I said as he laughed at me causing me to blush.

Riley was kind enough to drop the subject and let me be for a while. We sat in silence with only the sound of his typing filling the empty space. I had pulled open my lap top to work, but I was lost over what to do. I was also lost in my thought so Edward once more.

I was lost in my thoughts of last night. It felt right to back with him. It felt natural to be back with him. It made my heart ache to be back with him since I thought of all the lost time. I thought of all the lies and deception. I thought of everything that kept us apart, including us and it just made me sick.

I guess I had forgiven Edward. I knew that what he did was stupid, but there was some good intention in it. I understood his reasoning, but even then when I look at what was said I still feel the hurt of it all. It was with this thought that the door opened and in walked Edward with a slight grin on his face. He looked happy, at peace almost with me being there.

Riley left since Char would be back at home. I had asked him how things went with Char and Jane, but his only response was an eye roll followed up by him saying _don't ask._ I would have to quiz him about it later, but now Edward was back and I wanted to focus on him.

Once Edward was on the room he wrapped me up in a hug that was tight and comforting. I loved his hugs and I had missed them when we were apart. We went silently back into the kitchen where I began planning our dinner.

Edward remained silent, just watching me. I had no idea what was going though his mind, but something was bothering him. I decided that since communication seemed to be an issue of ours that I would ask. In the past I would have just let it go and left it to him to say it whenever he was ready, but the past was over and not worth repeating.

When I asked Edward what was wrong he seemed surprised, but then followed up by telling what he was thinking.

"I was thinking about when you would leave again, I mean, I know the tour isn't over with," he said calmly as he sat in the kitchen chair watching me, waiting for my answer.

He was right. The tour wasn't over. I would go back on the road for a while to finish up my commitments.

"Well, yes, I do have to go back, but you're forgetting a few things here. I get to decide when I go and who goes with me," I replied as I pulled out the thawing chicken from the microwave were I had placed to thaw under that setting. I looked up at Edward and saw that he seemed a little confused as he looked at me.

"I don't know what Victoria told you, but it was a lie," I offered as an explanation as he looked at me as if he was going to speak.

"She said that you had to go, you were under contract," he replied as he looked at me with a curious look. I wondered what the hell Victoria had actually told him at this point since he seemed to have trouble understanding me.

"Well, yes, kind of. I agreed to go and that part is under contract, however I determine when I go and who goes with me. The publisher just wanted me out on the road promoting, they didn't want to take away from my writing so I have several loop holes in the contract that allows me to make the decisions," I said as I felt a small amount of anger wash over me. I was mad that this was being discussed now when it could have been discussed six months ago and could have avoided this all together.

"If you would have asked me or listened to me about it without closing yourself and just assuming that you knew best you would know this," I added in an irritated tone that seeped out of me in my anger. I watched as Edward looked away from me. He knew I was right.

"Bella, I…" he began out, but I didn't want another apology.

"Victoria over stepped her boundaries. She lied to you and you believed her. I get that, but I just wish that you would have listened to me that's all," I offered as he looked at me with sad eyes. I hated his sad eyes, they killed me.

"Victoria forgot who she worked for and that for me, not the other way around, but that's ok I'll fix that for her," I said in a menacing tone that seemed to take him by surprise. I stood there looking at Edward who just looked at me with a surprised look on his face until I finally asked him what was wrong.

"Nothing is wrong. I just have never heard you sound menacing that's all," he offered in a surprised tone that made me laugh a little.

"Did it sound convincing?" I asked him in a teasing manner that made him smile a little.

"Very, I'm kind of scared of you now," he offered with a half laugh, but I could see some truth in his words. He was scared of me and I had no idea why, but before I could ask Edward quickly changed the subject to something more light.

We ate dinner together and spent the rest of the night together on the couch, holding each other and talking. He finally pulled out the book of clipped out reviews of my book. He hadn't lied. He had saved every review that he could find. I flipped through the pages amazed that he did this.

As I flipped through the book I noticed that there were picture of me taken while on tour in different cities. Somewhere taken from new paper clipping, but the ones in from New York City, the very start they were actual pictures that someone had taken.

There were just a few pictures from that time. There was one of the book cover up on the mega screen in Time Square. There was another one of me as I walked out after being announced in the middle of a stage in that book store there. There were a few others that were candid shots taken during what had to be the question and answer time. I looked over the pictures and tried to figure out where he would have gotten these from, but I had no clue. I looked over at Edward for the answer and his expression was one of embarrassment as he met my eyes with his green ones.

"I, uh, I was uh New York. I had to go. I had to see you. I needed to know that you were ok after… everything at Christmas. I needed to be there for you even if you didn't know I was there," he stammered like a little boy who had gotten caught doing breaking the rules. It was endearing and my heart melted a little as I looked over at his red face as he sat by me on the couch.

I flipped the page wordlessly, but my mind was stuck back at the fact that he had to be there for me even if I didn't know he was there. It was like his words were playing over and over again in my head on repeat. I thought about my time in New York and how I wished that he was with me, but if I was being honest even if he would have appeared and let his presence be known I would have sent him away so maybe it was better like this. I found myself sighing over the idea of it all.

Edward had just taken the book from me when my cell phone rang. It was my real estate agent. She had different listings she wanted to show me. I instructed her to email the property information and I would go over it. I advised her that I would contact her with what properties that I might be interested in. Once I was off the phone I looked over at Edward with an apologetic smile to explain the call.

He questioned me as to why I had a real estate agent and I told him of my decision to move to Seattle, that it was time to come home. I thought he would be relieved by this information; however he just had a strange look on his face as I spoke. It was as if he had a head ache of some sort. He just nodded his head at my reasoning, but remained silent for a while.

We sat in silence as the TV filled the sounds around us until Edward stood up and lead me to the bedroom once more. We undressed and slipped under the covered together. He had pulled me close and slid his hand up the t-shirt of his I was wearing until I just sat up and peeled it off so we could lay skin to skin against each other.

Edward held me close to him as he ran his hand down my back slowly, in a totourpous manner that made me burn inside until I leaned up and captured his lips with mine. We kissed slowly, leisurely until the fire burned in our veins demanding attention. I sighed as he kissed and caressed me until he finally filled me with himself as we made love in a slow manner, holding eye contact the entire time that he was inside me.

There was something burning in his eyes as we made love. It was a different fire than what had been there. There was an edge to this fire, a sadness that I could see. I pulled his face down and tried to kiss away his sadness, but it was still there as I shuddered around him in delight. The look was still there as his eyes rolled in back of his head as completion took him as well. It was that look that was causing anxiety to creep into my blissful state of happiness as I lay spent and thoroughly loved in his arms. I was going to ask him about it, but sleep over took me. I found myself drifting off as Edward pressed a soft kiss against my cheek while whispering _I love you_ to me.

The morning was same as before. We made love, showered together and Edward left for class, but not before bothering me to go along with him, which I didn't. I had just gotten Edward out the door when there was a loud knock. I ran back to the door, expecting Edward, but found Riley standing there with his lap top in hand.

I let him in and followed him in to the kitchen where he sat down at the table. I listen to him tell me about staying with Char as I poured him coffee. I wasn't listening carefully, I'll admit that, until I heard him say that he was staying with Char and Jane was out on the couch. I was stunned by this information.

"What are you doing Riley?" I asked him shocked as I sat down by him. It was then that I looked at him. He looked a confused and a little miserable.

"I don't know," he replied back as he looked at me with a sigh. It was then that the story came out. He liked Char. He thought Char was amazing, but Jane was a problem.

"Of course Jane is a problem. She's Char's girlfriend," I replied with an eye roll that made him snort in laughter.

"Well, she's been staying on the couch not talking to Char while I'm back in the bed with Char,' he said as he shrugged his shoulders at me as if he was as confused as I was about it all. I shook my head since I knew that I would have to talk to Char about this and I hated it. I hated that she was hurting him, but what I hated most of all was that I knew this would happen. I knew she would hurt him.

Riley left and I spent the rest of the day stewing as I waited for Char to return. I had spoken with Edward by phone who told me that Char was just as confused from what she had told him when they had a class together. He then made me promise I would be home when he got there tonight. I wanted to laugh at his promise, but he seemed concerned somehow that I would slip out while he was gone so I promised that I would here when he came back. I listened to him sigh a little and then tell me he loves me before we hung up the phone.

I waited and was able to ambush Char before she entered into her own apartment. I ushered her inside of Edward's place as she watched me with a wary eye before she sat down on the couch.

"What is this about Bella?" she asked me as I grabbed her a diet Coke before settling down beside her.

"What the hell is going on Riley?" I asked her, not even caring to beat around the bush with her by starting with small talk. I watched her blush a little and then take a long drink off her can of diet Coke before speaking.

It was there that Char told me that she liked Riley, I mean, she _liked_ Riley and that scared her. She had been so sure that it was only girls for her, but now with Riley she wasn't sure. She told me how Jane hated him and was moving out now since it was obvious to Jane that Char was bi not gay even if it wasn't obvious to Char. I wanted to say that I was sorry about Jane, but I wasn't. Jane was odd and I was happy to see her go.

We talked and as we did I discovered that she wanted to give Riley a chance, but she wasn't sure over how Riley about it. She was actually scared over what he thought. I told her what I knew from what Riley had told me and that seemed to please her enough to relax a bit.

"I plan on talking to him tonight. Jane is gone so it will be just us so…" she said with a smile as her words trailed off in a suggestive manner. I said a silent prayer that they would not hurt each other over all of this especially considering they had only known each other a few days. After I was finished I let it go and decided that my friends were responsible people who could make their own decisions so I would have to trust them.

"Hey, what's going on with you and Edward?" she asked me as she looked back at me with a smile. I told her that we were on our way back. I told her that I was happy, but Edward seemed a little off.

"He said that you're looking for your own place," she said with a shrug as she grabbed her soda once more. Is that what was bothering him?

"Yeah, I had started that process before we started to work things out," I offered back to her with a smile since it was the truth after all.

"Oh, I guess I thought you'd live with him," she countered back to me. I had thought of that, but he never asked me so I wasn't going to push it. I knew that after six months apart we may need time to get back together on the same level that we once were.

"He never asked," I replied with a sigh.

"I guess I would have thought that he would have. I mean, you're back to wearing the ring and all," she countered as she looked at my hand. Yes, I was wearing his ring, but what exactly did it mean? I had told him that I wanted forever with him and yet I found us stalling once more. It was irritating and I needed this to stop if we were ever going to move forward again.

Char left and when she did she left me stewing now over Edward. The more I thought of all of this the more I realized that we needed to clear the air and so when he walked in I decided that it was time for that.

Edward walked in with a grin on his face, obviously happy that I was still there to greet him. I pulled him into me for a hug and then forced him back on to the couch. He looked startled as I forced him to sit down and then straddled his lap. It was almost comical to see him take a deep breath as I sat on his lap and felt his almost instant approval of my seating choice.

"Edward, what's going on?" I asked him as I sat there looking into his beautiful green eyes that always seemed to mesmerize me. I watched him play dumb for a while denying that anything was wrong until I told him that if we can't talk then we can't make this work. This statement seemed to shake him up a bit since he paused and looked at me with concerned eyes.

"Bella, I want you and only you. I want to be you always, but…" he began out in a stammering voice that told me that he was nervous.

"But what?" I asked him, urging him on since I needed to know what was bothering him.

"Why don't you want to live with me?" he blurted out as I looked at him with surprise.

"You never asked me to," I replied as I slipped a hand up his arm to settle into the hair at the base of his neck.

"Sure, I did," he replied as he looked me in the eye. I could see sadness swirling in his eyes as he looked at me. I shook my head no and watched as Edward sighed in defeat. He moved me off his lap in a gentle motion and then kneeled in front of me as I sat on the couch, shell shocked by his behavior.

"Bella, I love you and I want forever with you, starting now. Will you live in sin with me?" he asked me in a sincere tone that one might use to propose marriage, which made it over the top in a way to just propose being roommates. I looked at him and he held out his hand. There dangling from his long fingers was a golden key to his apartment that he had produced from his jean pocket.

I looked at Edward's face and it was sincere. There was a nervous look to it that made my heart clench in my chest as this boy kneeled before me asking me to split the rent in the most romantic way possible that it made me laugh. I broke out laughing; hard, deep belly laughs that made Edward join me in laughter. I reached over and pulled him close for a kiss as I reached for his key.

I grabbed the key and then dropped it on the table as I pulled him on the couch beside me. I spent the next several minutes kissing him silly until he could not breathe. He pulled away from my lips only for me to continue kissing along his neck and behind his ear, knowing that it would drive him nuts in the nicest of ways.

I could feel his hands roaming over me as I pressed myself into his lap, enjoying how hard he was and how he felt against me. I loved the feel of his hands on me and soon I found myself stripping off my clothes until I was bare in his arms. I quickly pulled off Edward's clothes and pushed him back on the couch before sinking myself down upon him, but he stopped me short of having him.

I looked at him hungry for him and mad that he stopped me.

"Tell me," he said in a demanding tone that shook me out of my lust induced fog a little. What the hell was he talking about? What did he want me to tell him? He must have seen the confusion on my face since he shook his head at me as if he could not believe that I did not understand.

"You have only said when we made love and I need to hear it now. I say it to you all the time and you never respond back. I need to know that you still love _me _and not just us still together or the amazing sex we have," he replied as he looked at me. His green eyes were dark with want, but the want to hear me say_ I love you_ was taking the forefront right now.

I was shocked and that set me off a little. Of course I had said it hadn't I? I thought back to our conversations and I remember Edward telling me over and over again how he loved me. He would greet me with that sentiment in morning and that was that thing I would hear night before drifting off to sleep at night. I scanned my brain slowly since lust and want was slowing my processing ability to think of a time that I had told him that I love him back and I was not finding any. The only time I can remember saying it was the first time that we made love after getting back together and that was only once. No wonder he was acting odd. He doubted my love for him. He was wondering if I was using him. This explained everything to me,

I pressed forward and leaned my forehead against his like he had done to me so many times before so that he could only look at me. I was going to correct this right now.

"I'm sorry Edward. You're right I said it only the once, but let me correct that so that you know without a doubt how I feel," I whispered with my eyes locked with his bright green ones.

"I love you Edward Cullen. I love you with everything I have. I love you now and forever. I love you no matter what. I love you even thought I want to beat senseless at times. I love you when we sit on the couch together and watch TV. I love you when we make love. Especially when we make love," I whispered with a slight laugh that made him laugh and then groan as I pressed my wet center against his erection right where I needed him most.

"Please don't doubt me again," I whispered against his lips and then kissed him once more before moving to take him in to me. I was sliding his tongue against mine as he slowly slid inside me with a growl. We rocked slowly against each other while whispering our words of love, pressed close, kissing and grasping each other in slow sensual manner until we both came with a soft whimper of fulfillment.

We were still connected and kissing when Edward's phone went off. He ignored it, but I knew by the ring tone it was Esme. She was getting anxious to see me and I knew I could not avoid her forever; I just wanted to fix things with her son before we added her and Carlisle into the mix.

"You don't have to see her," he mumbled against my skin as he kissed my neck. He knew that I was aware who was calling. He was trying to make it easy for me and I loved him for it. I had explained that I needed time with him before we added his family and Edward was thrilled by the idea. I knew he would be since he had always liked having me all to himself, but I also knew that his parents were important to him so I would have to see them sometime.

I wanted to see Esme, really I did. I missed her; I just didn't want to talk about the baby that was lost. Edward pulled back a little to look in my eyes and he smiled causing my heart to pound a little like he always did.

"I'm serious Bella, I'm not pushing you to see anyone," he repeated for good measure as he ran his hand up my back over my boney spine as if he enjoyed feeling the bones under his finger tips.

"I know, but I do miss her and she's your mom and…" I started to say but he pulled me in close for another long passionate kiss that took my breath away. He slowly pulled back from me, all the while holding eye contact with me.

"And you are my world. She'll wait her turn," he whispered as he held me on his lap. I knew he was right. Esme would wait until I was ready and Edward would keep the world at bay if that was what I needed. What I wanted was simple. I just wanted Edward; I would deal with others later.

_**An:**_

_**Hello all! Thank you for reading! Sorry for the late update, but life has been crazy recently! Just in case you are interested I started a face book page under Mama Sutra so come check me out since I could use some fan fic loving friends there!**_

_**Take care,**_

_**Mamasutra**_

_**xxoo**_


	69. The path we follow

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

A couple more weeks passed and soon we were in the very beginning of April. Easter was right around the corner and I was blissfully happy with Edward. I was now for the most part living with him. It was nice. He would head off to class and I would either go to the campus with him or wait at the apartment for his return.

I had blended into his world a bit more when I would go to the campus with him since I would see his classmates and they would stare at us in shock. Some of them had my book with them and asked for an autograph, others well, they just stared. Edward didn't mind the attention even if it did make me nervous. He could look past it all and whisper in my ear about how he wondered what they would think if they knew it was about him and me. A few of classmates in his literature class put it together and asked me if the Edward in my dedication was my Edward, which caused him laugh since he always loved being known as my Edward.

The days passed and as they did Edward did his best to shield me from things in the world I did not want to deal with. He would keep his mom at bay while talking to her. He worked out another appointment to meet with the new agent since Riley was not going to be in town and we wanted to go together. Overall, Edward was going above and beyond to take care of me. It was nice. I loved when he took care of me since before him no one had.

The nights passed as well and they more interesting. We were still at our best at night. We would stay up all hours talking and making love, catching up if you will on lost time. I found out that we talked that there had been a lot that Edward had kept from me for whatever reason.

I discovered that when he first wanted me back he talked with his dad. I had no idea that Carlisle was aware of anything, but it was Carlisle that would talk him into more patience. I would have to remember to thank him for that.

I also discovered that tension with Emmett was much higher than he had projected to me. I had no idea that Emmett was such an ass to him. I broke my heart that Edward hadn't told me this and when I asked him why he wouldn't tell me all this his response was simple.

"Bella, he was your friend and I didn't want you to think badly of him. I may not have liked him, but for the most part he was pretty good to you, well at least until the end," Edward offered awkwardly as he held my hand in his while we lay in bed together. Our bed. The thought still makes me smile.

I was still wearing that smile of happiness when Edward told me that Emmett had been in the house that night, the very first time we had made love. I stared at him with a surprised look since I would have thought that Emmett would have said something, teasingly or smart assy to me about being there, but he hadn't.

"He was there. When I went to check on the sound of a door closing I found him in the front room. He threw our wet clothes at me and basically told me that he listened to us. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to wreck a nice memory with such a creepy act," Edward said with a sigh as he pulled me into his chest to hold me better.

"Creepy is an understatement there," I muttered as I pressed a kiss over Edward's heart, _my _heart. I sat there in his arms listening to him tell me about every odd encounter with Emmett all leading up when he left.

"If Emmett was acting so odd why did you ask him to watch over me while you were gone?" I asked him, kind of confused by it all. I mean, if Emmett was that bad why would Edward put me in his path once more?

"Because he had done nothing to hurt you, only hurt me. I knew he cared about you and so I was counting on that feeling for him to keep you safe," Edward offered as an explanation before kissing me softly. He hated talking about when he left me and so did I so we rarely did.

Edward picked back up his confession after he was gone. Emmett would place taunting phone calls about me to him. After the accident at the anniversary party to reached a head. Emmett had pulled him aside and told him that he should know what happened. He told Edward I had been pregnant and alluded to me aborting his child since I could not stand Edward any more. I could see the anger rolling off Edward's as he retold that story to me so I understood what happened that night and why he went on his search for me once more.

"In a way I have to thank him. Without his cruel statements I would not have chased you down. My plan was to wear you down with emails and phone calls, not to show up and get arrested," he said as I snickered at the idea of him being cuffed at the book store even if I had missed the action of it all.

"You never told me why you had me arrested. You had to know that I would never hurt you,' he said with a slight edge to his voice. I wasn't sure what the edge was, but it was there.

"I didn't have you arrested. It was the other author Rosalie Hale who had you arrested. I had sent you a text asking you to come to the hotel," I replied with surprise. Hadn't we talked about this yet?

"I saw your text after I was dropped off at the airport by your security team so I decided that it was not a good idea to go even though I wanted to," he replied with a sullen smile that I kissed away until he had a real smile on his lips once more.

"Rosalie Hale huh? She sounds like a bitch,' Edward said with a laugh as he squeezed me closer to him as I told him about Rose. She was a nice person, but a little miss guided when it came to men. I reminded him that he would meet her when _we_ went on tour.

The thought of Edward with me on tour made me smile and yes, I had gotten him to agree to go. We would leave in about a month with Riley who was bringing Char along as well. In a way it would be an odd couple's vacation since the four were becoming quite the group.

In the weeks that had passed Riley had stayed with Char and Jane had moved out. Char claims that she wants Riley. Edward tried to keep my mouth shut about it all since I am just worried that she will hurt my friend even though, Riley likes to remind me that he is big boy now and can make his own decisions concerning women.

We had actually started having one night a week were we would have dinner together as couples with either me or Char cooking at each other's places. It was nice and oddly normal for us considering how not normal the four of us all were.

As the weeks had passed and Edward and I had grown even closer I could not help but to think about Esme. I missed her. I wanted her back in my life. I would talk to Edward about it and he would always tell me how she was against him leaving me from the very beginning.

"I know you don't believe me, but mom always had your back. She told me time and time again how I had made the wrong choice. The first two weeks afterwards, she wouldn't even talk to me Bella," he would say in a strangled tone that he always took when he spoke of our time apart.

"I believe you, it's just that…" I started to say as he held me close on the couch as the TV played in the back ground.

"It's just what?" he asked me concerned over what my hold up was.

"It's just you know the baby and now she knows and what do they think? I promised her Edward, I had promised her…" I stammered out in a nervous fashion as he watched me with wide green eyes that gave way to his concern and fear as to what I was feeling.

"You promised her what?" he asked me with an edge of panic in voice that surprised me.

"I had promised her that I would do nothing to jeopardize your future and then I got pregnant." I started to say to him. But he cut me off with a kiss that shut me up quickly. Once he pulled back from my lips I looked at him and his eyes were sparkling as they looked at me.

"You are my future. Any children we have, they are my future. You did not break your promise ok? Bella, it's all ok, I promise you that," he said as he brushed my hair away from my face with a soft touch that made me shiver a little from it.

"Mom cried. She cried because you were alone and I wasn't there with you and neither was she. She wasn't mad; she was devastated that we weren't there for you. She loves you and she is just as scared and heart sick as you are ok?" he said in a soothing manner as he held me to him while looking into my eyes so lovingly.

"Edward, I just…" I started to say, but once more he cut me off with a kiss. He had gotten really good at distracting me once more.

"No, remember you don't have to see them until you want to. I'm not pressuring you at all over this so know that," he said and then kissed me again, but this time it was deeper, more suggestive.

He was right. He hadn't pressured me at all. He had been wonderful and I could only thank him for it, but enough was enough. I was a big girl and it was time to see his parents once more. I was ready.

I had Edward call them the next day to set up a time and they agreed upon coming to Seattle for Easter brunch that weekend. I had held his hand as he made the plans with Esme and I could hear the excitement in her voice as she told him not to worry that she would make all the arrangements. She was wonderful that way.

Once he was off the phone I crawled in his lap and kissed him silly until he picked me up to carry me back to the bed room so I could thank him properly as he had put it. I laughed as he carried me while swatting my ass in a playful manner, knowing that I was days away from healing my heart with the family I loved so dearly.

**AN:**

**Another short update to get them closer to talking to Esme and Carlisle. Thanks once more for reading!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	70. Easter Brunch

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

The days leading up to Easter were stressful. I was looking forward to seeing Esme, but yet I wasn't at the same time. I had missed her, but yet I hadn't. It was a very conflicted place to be.

Edward spent those days trying to keep me happy and sometimes that was hard enough with the way my emotions swayed all over the place. It was really Riley who helped me the most with all of my mixed up feelings concerning the Cullen's.

"Bella, you can't blame people for trying to protect their son. You would do the same and you know it," Riley said with a teasing smile as he sat at what was now my kitchen table as I made coffee for us while Char and Edward were out.

"But, Riley, you don't understand," I countered back in a whiny voice that even I could hear the whine in.

"I do and trust me, I know it sucks that Esme didn't warn you, but what good would it have done anyway?" he asked me as he smiled in a know it all manner that I had come to hate about him. It was true. If Edward was so resigned to the fact that he should leave me in order for me to have a better life, which was just a bull shit reason, then he still would have done it, even if I had known ahead of time. I hated that Riley was right.

"Sure, it would have made sense as to why lover boy was acting all crazy, but it wouldn't have changed things too much. He still would have done it, you still would have hurt over it, and you still would be here now," Riley offered with a wave of his hand as if he was performing a magic trick. It was those thoughts that made it easier to see Esme and not blame her.

The night before our brunch date with his parents Edward and I spent alone. I just wanted him, no distractions that night. I wanted to go into the next day knowing that if nothing else happened out of our get together that I still had Edward.

"I need you know something," Edward said to me as he held me close on the couch that night while a movie played in the background creating white noise for us. I looked over at his face and I could see the serious look that he had. Something was bothering him.

"I need you to know that dad and I aren't really getting along too well right now," he said with a sigh as he brought his hand up to run his fingers along my jaw line. This was surprising since they had always been close, or at least I thought they had been.

Before I had a chance to question him, Edward told me about his father and his role in our break up. I had no idea that Carlisle was so against us being together. He never appeared to be that way. Edward went on and explained some sort of horrible family story where Carlisle's first wife left him for his brother and how the family has been at odds ever since.

I could understand Carlisle being concerned about our age, but I could not understand why he would ever think that I would hurt his son like that. It made me angry since it was common knowledge to everyone how much I loved Edward. It was always Edward's feelings that were in question, not mine. I took a deep calming breath and then I reminded myself that while Carlisle may have made it easier for Edward, ultimately it was Edward who followed through.

We spent that rest of the night wrapped up in each other on the couch, trying to pretend that all was normal, when it wasn't. I could feel how nervous Edward was. I knew him well enough to know that he was thinking of how I would react to his parents. He had no reason to worry since I would never do anything that would make it difficult for him even if I wanted to. I knew that he was nervous about reveling Carlisle's role in this mess since it would bring his leaving back to the forefront.

I fell asleep in his arms like that somewhere in the course of the night. It was comforting to feel him next to me as I listened to his heartbeat and it was that lulled me into a deep sleep. I awoke just as his was carrying me down the hall to our room. I looked up at his face as he carried me and I could see worry in his eyes.

"You're not going to leave me are you?" he asked in a whisper even though there was no one else here except us. I shook my head no. It was a fear of his that I would leave, and he believed that I would be right in leaving him since he had done that to me, but I never understood why he thought that. Wasn't clear after everything that he had done that I was tied to him? Wasn't I clear when I said that I loved him? What more was needed?

I asked him this. I wanted to know what more I needed to do to show that I was staying with him. I told him that the true question was if he was going to stay with me and this seemed to shock him a bit that I would question him, bit how could I not when he left me the way he did.

"I will never leave you again. I promise you that. I promise that you will have to tell me to go and even then I don't think I would be able to leave you," he said with a sad sigh as he sat me down on the bed and then kneeled in front of me. I could hear the sincerity in his tone. I could see the burning fire of promises in his eyes. I knew that he was telling me the truth.

I leaned forward and captured his lips with mine as he grunted in surprise by my actions. I was tired of words. I wanted him to show me that he was as tied to me as I was to him. I needed to know this and I think he did too.

Edward quickly picked up on my actions and slowly undressed me in a manner that told me how much reverence he had for me. I scooted back on the bed so that there was more room for him as he stood up and undressed for me. He then let me on the bed, skin against skin with a soft sigh that told me how complete he felt when we were together. I knew this since I felt the same way.

We kissed and hummed against the electricity on our touch. I loved how it burned through me, causing me to pant his name just as he growled against my skin, feeling the same thing. I loved how we were like that, as if sometimes there were no words only sounds that could express what we felt.

We made love in a slow burn that singed my soul, marking his name upon it in a permanent manner, as if it wasn't already there. We continued to hold each other afterwards, while Edward kissed my neck, causing me to shudder against his kisses in the most delightful manner.

"I promise you forever," he would whisper against my skin, causing me to smile as I rubbed his hair. I drifted off to sleep as his words of love reaffirmed everything that we had already said to each other.

The morning I awoke to Edward licking and kissing his way long my collar bone while his hands wandered over my breasts in a caressing manner. I loved waking up like this.

"You are beautiful," he finally said to me as he stopped his kisses long enough to look up at my face. This was quickly becoming one of my more favorite times of day. I was used to night time Edward, who was intense and hungry for me, but morning Edward was just as amazing.

Edward in the morning was not as crazed. He was still sleepy and kind of playful as if he was just happy to start the day with me at beside him, underneath him or whatever other position that he could put us just as we both woke up.

"I want to wake up every morning with you like this," he said with a sleepy smile and then moved his attention to my breast after telling me that they looked like they needed attention this morning. I moaned as he mouth covered one nipple with a gentle suck as his fingered tweaked the other nipple to attention.

I could feel him hard and ready against my leg as I withered under the attention that he was showing my breasts until I could not take it any longer.

"Edward, I need you," I said as I tugged on his hair to get his attention. He looked up at me and gave me one more playful, all be it, sleepy smile before shaking his head no.

"I don't think so," he said as he started a trail of kisses down my chest to my belly as I moved against him. I watched him as the anticipation built while he kissed my belly, swirling his tongue outside of my belly button before dipping it inside causing me to jump from the feeling of him swirling his tongue inside my belly button.

I watched as I held my breath as his moved my legs, kissing down my thigh only to return other and nip my inner thigh there. I was withering as he slowly moved towards me and then brought his finger in to spread me open so he could lick me there.

"Jesus," I found myself muttering as I heard and felt him chuckle against me which made me wither against him once more. He loved it when I lost my mind over what he was doing to me. It made him a very happy boy.

Edward continued on his quest to make me moan until I demanded that he fuck me since I would not wait one moment longer. I could see how dark his eyes were with lust as he chuckled at my demands, but he complied all the same, groaning with me as he entered me with a swift thrust.

It was hard and fast as he pounded into me. There were no words between us only sounds and it made it more primal, which only seemed to spur us both on towards our own bliss. I knew he was close as his beautiful green eyes looked wildly into mine as he moved his hand so that he could touch my clit in time to his thrusts causing me to lose my mind as I came around him with a string of profanities falling from my lips. He followed right behind me with mumbled words and sounds as he emptied inside of me.

We laid there holding each other, kissing softly, as we came down from our sex induced high. His eyes glowed with all the love he had within him making me warm from the feeling of it as he gazed intro mine as if he was looking into my soul. I wanted to laugh out loud over how much I loved this boy, but instead I just pulled him closer for a kiss as he smiled against my lips as if he knew what I was thinking at the moment.

We laid there like that enjoying the morning wrapped around each other until our soft kisses and caresses started to turn a little more heated again.

"What time is it?" I asked him as he kissed my neck while his hand caressed my side until it finally took hold of my hip in a firm manner.

"Who cares?" he whispered against my skin as he pulled me closer to him. I could feel him hard once more as he pressed himself into my thigh, making me bite back a soft gasp from the sensation of him being everywhere on me.

"Your parents, aren't we going to be late for brunch?" I asked him with a sigh as he ran his nose along my neck in a teasing manner while his hand traced circles around my breasts causing my sensitive skin to pebble with goose bumps.

"Do you really care?" he asked me and then moved his lips to my ear to suck on my ear lobe, causing me to shudder against him. I really didn't care. As a matter of fact I didn't care of we did not see them at all today, but I knew what was right. I knew that they were driving an hour to see us. I knew that I could not keep Edward away from his family. I knew that I could not be that person. So it was with a heavy sigh that I finally responded to his question.

"No, I don't care, but…" I started to say, however he cut me off.

"Always a but," he said in a tired sigh as he pulled back enough to look at me. His green eyes sparkled with a teasing smile. His lips were swollen from our kissing and his hair was in total disarray from my hands being in it during our love making. He never looked more beautiful to me than at that moment.

"We should…" I started to say, but once more he cut me off, but this time it was with a kiss that lingered and turned into a smoldering kiss that melted my bones. He slowly pulled back from me and gave me a smile that made me blush a little.

"I know and yes, we'll be late if we don't get up now, but I won't lie, I would rather spend all day in bed with you," he said as he ran his fingers over my heated cheeks. I agreed whole heartedly that I would like that too and we could do that tomorrow. Slowly we separated ourselves and then I headed towards the shower with Edward's eyes on me the entire way, enjoying my naked form while causing me to blush and giggle like a fool.

I turned on the shower and waited just a moment before stepping in. My muscles were sore from last night and this morning so the hot water felt especially good to me. I stepped into the spray with a sigh. I had just begun to wash with my bath puff when I heard the bathroom door open.

Edward pulled back the shower curtain and I screamed teasingly as I tried to cover myself which made him roll his eyes at me. He quickly got in the shower with me.

"We'll never make it on time," I said to him a sing-songy voice as I pulled him closer to me while he gave me a knowing smile.

"Sure we will, we have over an hour. That's plenty of time," he said as he held me closer to him, rubbing his hands over my water slick skin. He was right. If we timed it just right we would have enough time to really enjoy the shower as well as get dressed. We were to meet Esme and Carlisle in the restaurant so we did really have ample time.

I found myself smiling wickedly at him as I pulled his face down for a kiss that caused him to laugh a little. Our lips met and I wondered if I would ever grow tired of kissing this boy/man. I said I silent prayer that I never would.

His lips moved against mine as I let my hands roam over his wet body, enjoying the feel of his muscles as they moved and stretched working together. We were working ourselves in a slow frenzy when I thought I heard his phone.

"Your phone," I said against his lips as he replied back to ignore it, which I was happy to do so. We lost ourselves in the shower, forgetting that the main purpose for being in there was to get clean not to see if we could have sex without breaking any bone while falling. Thankfully, no bones were broken, however as we emerged from our very through shower we discovered that Edward had missed 10 calls, all from his mother.

"I guess she's anxious to see you," he commented as he pulled out a button up shirt while I slipped on a lighter spring dress with matching sweater. It was blue with flowers on it. I thought it looked a little too much like a little girls dress, but Edward loved it so I would wear it.

I was anxious to see her as well. I was also dreading seeing Carlisle which was odd since all along I would have never thought that it would be this way. It was him that came to Iowa to check on me after Thanksgiving. It was him that I spoke to on the phone when I was avoiding Esme. I cannot believe that he was so opposed to me being with Edward, and maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was just scared for his son like what riley suggested. Maybe he just thought that he could protect Edward from heartbreak. I don't know, but I find it hard to be upset with him and I believe the reason for that is because it doesn't matter anymore.

It doesn't matter who was to blame or what caused the whole huge mess. It doesn't matter that Victoria was some evil bitch or that Edward was a naïve fool. It just doesn't matter since we are still together. All the people who plotted against us, all the ways that we both made wrong decisions and jumped to conclusions, none of it matters since here we are still.

I looked over at Edward and watched him with a smile slip on his button up shirt. He is oblivious to me watching him dress and it makes me smile. This is how is how it was supposed to be, us together like this. Living and loving in an everyday type of life. All the things that happened and all the people who tried to keep us apart and yet here we are together again, stronger than before because we know how to talk to each other.

Edward looked up as he buttoned his shirt and smiled at me.

"What are thinking about?" he asked me with a smile that made my heart pound in my chest.

"I was just thinking that how I know now that I cannot live without you," I replied with a smile back as I watched him smile even wider for me. Edward loved declarations.

"You never have to," he replied with a big silly smile as he pulled me in for a quick kiss that smeared my lip stick.

"You know, we are very lucky," I told him as I took his tie and slid it around his neck for him before helping turn his collar down again. He looked at me and nodded his head with a smile. He knew it too.

We left the apartment and made it to the restaurant that Esme had picked out. I was fully expecting something more upscale, but this restaurant was homey and filled with a wide mix of patrons. There were people dressed as if they had just returned from church to people dressed in jeans and concert t-shirts. It made me wish that I had opted for jeans instead of this dress, but it was too late to go back to change.

We walked up to the building and approached the door, but Edward stopped and turned towards me before we entered. I looked up at his bright green eyes and I could see that he was checking to make sure I was fine with this. I was fine with this; there was no need for his worry, even though I appreciated the fact that he was concerned for me.

"You worry too much Mr. Cullen," I teased as I adjusted his tie with a mock serious look on my face which caused him to smile. He gave me a quick kiss and then turned back around to open the door for me.

We walked in and were instantly greeted with the scent of baking cinnamon rolls. It was heavenly. I was lost in my thoughts of ordering a cinnamon roll when I felt Edward take hold of my hand in his. The grip was firm and he was almost pulling me behind him as if he was shielding me. It was sweet, but unnecessary. I let him do it any way as we walked towards the table.

I looked around him to see a very nervous looking Carlisle and an Esme, who was on the brink of tears. She looked like she was ready to pounce out of her chair at us as we approached. I placed my other free hand on top of Edward's as we walked and rubbed it a little in what I hoped was a comforting manner. I wanted Edward to be comforted. I wanted him to know that it would all be ok since in the end it just didn't matter.

We stopped at the table and Carlisle stood up to greet us as Edward let go of my hand just long enough to shake his father's hand as if we were about to start a business luncheon. He held out my chair as I sat down and then sat beside me before claiming my hand once more in his.

"You look amazing Bella," Esme finally croaked out in a strained voice as if she was holding back tears.

"Thank you, so do you," I offered back with a smile. I could feel the tension rolling off Edward in waves. I could feel it in the air around us. It was as if everyone was scared to speak and I hated that. I had missed loud family dinners while we were all apart. I had missed Esme's laughter and Edward's teasing. I had missed Carlisle's stories and his booming laugh that was very reminiscent of Emmett's. I had missed it all and it was with that thought that I opened my mouth to speak.

"I, uh, I know a lot has happened, but I think, uh, I think that we can get past it all," I said with a bit more shake in my voice than what I wanted.

"Bella…" Esme started to say as tears started to fall. I looked over at Edward who was watching his father as if he was a threat against me.

"It's ok," I whispered to Edward, who looked at me with surprise. Maybe he didn't realize the evil glare he was giving Carlisle.

"What's done is done. We can only move forward from here," I said with a sigh.

"Bella, I should have…" Esme started out saying as a fresh batch of tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked so sad and it killed me a little.

"Now is not the time or place. Why don't we just make it through the meal and then maybe after we can talk," I offered as Edward clung to my hand as if his life depended on it. The waitress came over and we ordered. The meal was goods and went fast since there was very little chattering going on and what talking was done had a nervous edge to it.

I remained pretty silent throughout as Edward was grilled out school by his parents. Edward also offered information that I guess they may not have known like the fact that he would be leaving to go on tour with me this summer and that we were living together. I don't think they knew since they both seemed to have a surprised look on their faces.

At the end of the meal Carlisle paid even though I was insisting to pay and then we all stood up. We needed to clear the air between us since the tension was strangling me, but this was not the place so I invited them over for mimosas and shockingly enough they agreed to come back to our apartment.

While we walked to the car Edward held my hand and gave me a strange look.

"Mimosas?" he asked me with a slight smirk as if he was holding back laughter.

"What? I like mimosa. Stop by the liquor store and I'll get what we need," I said with a shrug as I looked over at him. Edward said nothing more. He instead drove to the store and then walked in the store with me to help carry what I needed. The clerk looked at us funny, but sold us the champagne any way since she probably thought who gets drunk on champagne on Easter Sunday.

At the apartment they were waiting when we pulled up. Edward carried in the chilled champign and peach nectar while holding my hand. I could feel his parents' eyes on us as he unlocked the door and motioned for me to go in.

"So, you two are back together?" Esme asked in a quiet voice that surprised me. I would have thought that it was pretty obvious that we were back together.

"Yeah, I am living here now," I replied with a slight smile to Edward who winked at me in a playful manner as his mother sat down on the same couch that I had molested him on the previous night.

"Well, that's good to see Edward so happy. I know that is what he wanted," Carlisle said in a tense voice as I watched Edward's face fall a little. I hated that Carlisle was somehow upset by us being together. Could he not see that it was upsetting to his son?

"I don't understand exactly why you are opposed to us being together. I mean, I understand that you think that we are too young, but beyond that I don't understand," I said to Carlisle as he looked back at me with surprise. I guess he thought that I would not know about what he thought.

"Bella, he's just a prick," Edward offered to me in an angry tone as he glared at his father

"Bella, it was nothing against you personally, I just was worried for my son and for you as well. You both are so young and I have been through heartache that could have been avoided if I had listened once or twice to people," Carlisle said with a sigh as he looked at me. It still shocked me at times how much Edward resembled him at times.

"I understand what you mean, but please know in your effort to protect Edward or myself that you have added to heartache for us that could have been avoided with the help of supportive parent," I said with a sigh as I looked at Carlisle with a sad smile.

"You know that we are different than others. You know that we are not like you and your brother and previous wife. You know this," I said with a shake of my head.

"I don't know that. All I could see was the two of you being way too involved for 18 year old kids to be," Carlisle said with a bit of anger coloring his tone and pissing me off.

"Then you don't know us at all," Edward said as he looked at his father with a disappointed look.

"It's not like I don't love Bella. I do, I just think that you both are too young for such a serious relationship that's all," Carlisle said as he looked at his son, almost willing him to understand everything, but Edward was stubborn. He just looked away.

"What do you know about us?" I asked as I felt my temper boil over once more.

"You only know what you have seen and that is not much. You have no idea how we feel or what we do or anything," I continued on as I looked at Carlisle as the anger continued on.

"I am not your ex-wife! I would never cheat on Edward! I am sorry that you made some mistakes, but you can't take them out on us!"I exclaimed as I felt my temper rise as I started to yell at Carlisle who stood there staring at me shell shocked that I would dare raise my voice.

"You keep my sons apart!" he finally yelled at me causing me to jump in surprise as it was my turn to stare.

"Don't you ever yell at her!" Edward cut in with an ice cold voice as he stepped in front of me as if he was about to take a swing at his father for raising his voice towards me.

"You know its true Edward. You and Emmett cannot even be in the same room and that kills your mother. You don't even care that you are killing your mother," Carlisle said with a wild look in his eye as he tried not to yell.

"Emmett and I have never gotten along. This was going on long before we ever met Bella if you would remember things correctly. She has nothing to do with it so don't you dare blame her," Edward said in a cold manner as he stood in front of me blocking me from Carlisle.

Carlisle remained silent, but continued to stare at his son who was standing his ground in front of him.

"Don't ask me to choose dad, because it will be her. It will always be her," Edward said in a soft voice as he reached back and took hold of my hand in his. His hand was shockingly warm and the electric current that passed between us made me shudder lightly against it.

Without another word Carlisle turned and left, leaving Esme standing there speechless as she stared at Edward and me. She had silent tears rolling down her face and for one brief moment I actually felt bad, as if I had caused this somehow. Esme cleared her throat to speak as she stepped closer to us.

"Bella, I never meant for you to get hurt. I would have changed everything if I could have," Esme said with a teary smile towards me. I knew she meant it.

"I know," I replied back simply as I nodded my head at her. I stepped out from behind Edward so I could look at her better.

"I just wish I would have been there…" she said and then trailed off awkwardly. I knew what she was speaking of immediately. The baby, it was always the baby.

"It's ok. It all worked out, probably for the best, I guess," I offered lamely earning a scowl from Edward. I honestly believe that he wished that I was still pregnant and to me the thought was terrorizing.

"No, it's not. It's not ok. I should have been there. Edward should have been there. We should have been there for you. Some family, huh?" she said with a humorless laugh as she looked at me with sad eyes that reminded me of Emmett.

"I want us to be like we used to. I want us to talk on the phone. I miss you," Esme said with a sad sigh that made me want to cry. I had missed her too.

"I'm sure we'll get there again if we try," I said and I tried to believe it even though that seemed so far off in the future. Esme nodded and then went quiet once more. I looked over at Edward and I hated seeing the broken look on his face. I hated seeing my boy look so sad.

Esme stepped closer and gave Edward a hug good bye explaining that his dad was waiting in the car and to give him time that she would work on him. She then stepped towards me as if she was going to give me a hug. I wasn't quite ready for that so I just took hold of her hands and gave them a squeeze. She looked disappointed, but she still gave me a smile and then left us alone.

We stood there silent for a moment, just letting the tension leave the room before I took hold of his hand and lead him back to the couch to sit down. I left him there for just a moment get a couple of glasses of champagne and then return to him where he greeted me with an odd look.

"We're celebrating," I replied simply to his wordless question as I sat down on his lap while holding both glasses.

"What are we celebrating?" he asked with a twinge of sadness in his voice as his green eyes met mine, making my heart break at the sadness I saw there.

"We're celebrating us and the new start we have," I replied and then clinked my glass with his before taking a drink. I watched as Edward took a drink as well.

"This too shall pass," I whispered to him before kissing his champagne flavored lips as I thought about how getting drunk on champagne on Easter Sunday may not be such a bad pass time after all.

"I meant it you know," he said to me and then pressed another kiss to my lips. I had no idea what he was speaking of so I asked him what exactly he had meant.

"I meant it when I said I would always choose you," he said and then took one more drink for kissing me soundly. I knew he did too.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thanks for reading!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	71. Meeting with Esme

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

We had spent the rest of Easter drunk off champagne and whatever else we could find in the apartment. It actually worked into a nice day, but in the quiet moments I could see the sadness creep back into Edward's eyes. I hated that he was hurt over this, but there was nothing I could do.

That night Edward just held me close. I knew that he was lost in thought over his parents. I knew that he was making decisions concerning them and I needed him to know that I did not want to come between him and his parent. Not now, not ever. I told him this and then listened to him breathe as he remained silent for a moment.

He moved so that I was off his chest and lying flat while his leaned over me so that he could see my face. He had a soft look in his eyes as he smiled at me a little before taking his free hand and trace along my cheek to my jaw line. I felt myself blush under his intense gaze since it felt like he was looking right into my soul at that moment.

"You are too kind for your own good Bella," he finally said as he held my gaze with his bright green one. His statement confused me a little since to me I was just being supportive of him.

"They are more than willing to come between us. They both are more than willing to push their own agenda concerning us and our relationship, but here you are not wanting them gone just to make me happy," Edward said in a soft voice as he looked at me. It was true; I would do anything to make him happy.

"I would…" I started to say, but he cut me off.

"I know. You would tolerate anything for me and I love you for it. Please know that I would do the same for you, but this too much," he said as he leaned closer and rubbed his nose along mine in an Eskimo kiss that made me giggle a little.

"It's too much to ask and I don't want to be around any one that cannot be happy for us. I would think that a parent would be happy that their child had found someone that they love and who loves them back. I would think that expecting that is pretty minor," Edward said with a sigh and then brushed his lips against mine.

"I know that it is all I want for our children," he said before kissing me again. My breath caught in my throat as I thought of the idea of having children with Edward. The idea kind of scared me, but in a good way.

"So, if you don't mind, I don't want to see them for while. I just don't think that I can," he said with a little sadness in his voice that hurt my heart just a little. I knew that this decision of his was a hard one to make and actually, I was kind of relieved by it. I did not want to see them either. I was done with them.

We spent the rest of the night talking of better and more wonderful things that would take the sadness out of his voice and his eyes. We made plans for when he went on tour with me. We talked about Char and Riley and how their relationship seems to be working. We talked about us and how if the land ever comes up for sale that we would buy our meadow so no one could ever build upon it.

I drifted off to sleep that night with Edward wrapped around me and my heart filled with all our dreams that seemed almost too good to come true. It was a wonderful night.

The weeks passed and as they did Esme would call. At first she called only Edward, but then she started to call me. I would avoid her phone calls the best I could since, really I was in no mood to deal with her or Carlisle. I didn't want talk about the baby that was lost. I didn't want to talk about Edward and his lack of concern for Carlisle. I was tired of being polite and so the best alternative for me was avoidance.

Edward, on the other hand, was able to navigate his conversations with his mother better. He told her that he needed time. He told her that he felt he was being forced into choosing between Bella and them. He told her that he was done with his father until he could apologize. We both knew that it would happen when hell froze over so until then he just needed space, but Esme was never good at giving space.

Edward left on the last day of class with giving me a kiss before taking off for his final test. I was planning on spending the day getting ready for our night out together in celebration of his classes ending when there was a knock on the door. My first thought was that it was Edward, coming back for another kiss, but I was wrong. It was Esme.

"Bella, can we talk?" she asked as she stood there with her blue eyes bright and her hair perfect as usual. I did not want to talk with her. It was always the same with her and I was tired of it, but I had no choice now. I welcomed her into the apartment with a fake smile as I stood there dressed in her son's t-shirt and nothing else.

I excused myself for a moment to slip on pants leaving her alone in our front room. When I came back wearing jeans to I found her looking over the picture that we had out. I had left a lot of the pictures that Edward had on display out. They were all pictures of us that Char had taken except now there were some of Char and Riley mixed in.

"I love this picture," Esme said as she held up a picture of Edward and me from the summer before college in our meadow. I nodded in agreement and then waited since I knew Esme was here for a reason. I knew her well enough that she was avoiding taking whatever it was that she needed to talk to about to Edward. I just wanted her to spill it since I was tired of being polite.

"Ok, I'm sure you know that I am here to talk to you without Edward around," she finally said as she sat down on the couch while I grabbed us both a cup of coffee.

"Ok, then you should know that I don't appreciate that. Edward and I are a united front and there will be no side private conversations between us. You have to know what ever you have to say I will tell Edward anyway so there was no need for this super secret meeting," I replied as I watched her grimace a little at my hard tone.

"Bella, I need your help," she said slowly as I looked at her over my cup of coffee.

"Emmett is getting married and I want both of my sons in the same room for this. I want Edward to be there for his brother and I know that you can help with that," she said with such conviction in her voice that it surprised me.

Emmett was marrying that girl. I guess it was a good thing since she was pregnant and all, but the idea of Edward and Emmett in the same room was not a good idea at all.

"You'll love Veronica and I know that the four of you will be great friends. I need you to help Edward get over whatever it is that is going on with him and Emmett. I know that you can do this since you have been close with both of them," Esme said with a sigh as if everything would be that simple.

"I've met Veronica, but she was half naked at the time and was kind of bitchy. Maybe if I met her under different circumstances she would be pleasant," I said as my mind was racing with the idea of Emmett and Edward in the same room.

I knew my Edward. I knew that given the opportunity that he would level Emmett. He would hurt him and it would only hurt Esme in the end. She obviously had no idea as to what occurred with her sons and I wasn't sure if I should be the one to tell her.

"Well, I'm sure she was just nervous that's all," Esme offered as an explanation to me, but we both that wasn't the case.

"Edward will listen to you, so if you say that you should go then he'll go," she said once more with confidence in her voice that surprised me.

"It may not be a good idea though," I offered as I took another drink from my cup.

"They have to learn to get along," Esme said with a sad sigh. Yeah, she didn't know.

"Listen, I don't see that happening. I will talk to Edward about going since I think Emmett needs to see that everything that he caused hasn't changed anything for Edward and me. I think that he needs to see that we are together, despite what he did," I said as I felt a rush of anger run through me.

"Well, dear, part of this your fault so I am expecting you to help fix it," she said as two rose colored spots on each of her cheeks. This was always a sign that Esme was angry.

"My fault!" I exclaimed in disbelief as I jerked my head up to look her.

"Yes, your fault and you can help fix it," she replied back with a heated tone that pissed me off more than I had thought possible.

"This mess is far from my fault. I did nothing but be nice to Emmett and fall in love with Edward. I can't help it that Emmett is insane, but I guess that runs in the family," I said back to her trying to keep myself from yelling since I know that yelling does not solve anything, typically it makes it worse.

Esme sat there shocked by my words. Her face was glazed over in surprise as I continued on with my little rant.

"I don't know what Emmett told you, but chances are that they all were lies. He told Edward that I aborted his child. That was I lie. He told Edward that I wanted him gone and gave back my ring while I was I asleep. Another lie. He told me that no one came back when I had my accident, yet another lie," I said as I was starting to lose control of my temper.

"I don't know if Emmett knows how to do anything but lie," I said as Esme stared at me as if I had lost my mind.

"He was horrible to Edward and Edward tolerated it for you and for me, but no more," I said as I shook my head at her while I felt the zing of anger zip through me.

"There is no need for him to tolerate Emmett and all his creepiness of following us and watching us. My fault! Ha! This is all Emmett's fault. No one else's fault but his," I said as I found myself shaking from the angry in my system.

I stood up and walked back to the bedroom where I grabbed my journal. It was where I had placed my letter from Emmett. She needed to read it. She needed to know and maybe then she would leave us alone for a while. I grabbed the letter and walked back out to her.

"Emmett sent me this on tour right before I came back here for Edward. You should read it," I said as I tried to keep my voice from sounding too angry. Esme took the folded paper and opened it slowly. I watched her eyes move across the paper as she read. When she was finished she folded the paper back up and handed it to me.

We sat in silence for a while, drinking our coffee that I silently freshened as she read. There really were no words to say. I waited for her apology, but I knew it wasn't coming.

"Uh, well, I'm going to go. I am sorry Bella, really I am," was all she could say to me, but it just wasn't enough for me. I nodded my head and walked her to the door knowing that forever going forward our relationship would be tainted by this meeting.

**AN:**

**Hello! Thanks for reading! Hey I wanted to let you all know that I am on twitter. I'm mamasutra73. I won't lie to you all, I'm pretty boring, but if you are interested look me up & I would love to follow you since I am sure you have much more interesting life than me.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	72. meeting the new agent

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

After Esme's visit I threw myself back into getting ready for Edward's return. He ouwl d be home soon and I would feel better once he was home. I showered as if I was washing off the grime from Esme's visit. I hated that the visit went the way it, but it was out of my control.

As I dressed in the deep blue blouse that Edward loved and jeans to lounge in I thought back to what Esme had really wanted out of this meeting. She wanted me to get Edward to Emmett's wedding. I actually understood her need to have Edward there. I could see how difficult it would be to have two sons that could never be in the same room without coming to blows. I could see it and I said a silent prayer that when and if Edward and I ever had children that we would not be cursed with such a problem.

I felt bed for Esme, but really there was nothing I could do. I could get Edward to do anything like that, no matter what powers Esme thought I had over him. The only power I had over Edward involved how quickly I could get him to undress and how sweet he could be as he told me he loved me.

I was lost in my inner musing when I heard the front door open. I almost ran out of our bed room to greet Edward, who was standing there in the front room staring at the two coffee cups that I had left behind. It was the only evidence that Esme had been there at all.

I wrapped my arms around his lanky frame from behind as he stood there before pulling him in for a hug.

"How was the test?" I asked him as he turned in my arms so that he was facing me. I looked up into his angelic face as he smiled at me.

"It was good. Who was here? It seems a little early for Riley," he commented as he motioned towards the two cups.

"Your mom stopped by right after you left," I replied as I pulled him over to the couch to sit down so I could climb into her lap. He looked at me as if he was thinking and then suddenly a look of surprise.

"I knew that was her" he muttered in an angry tone that surprised me a little as he pulled me closer as I crawled on his lap.

"What did she want?" he asked me as I looked into his green eyes that seemed to be filled with fear. What he had to be afraid of I did not know.

"She wanted me to make sure that you go to Emmett's wedding. She seems to think that I have magic powers and can control you," I teased as I ran my fingers through his hair as I watched him roll his eyes at me.

"You do control me more than you realize, but that's beside the point. And hell no, I am not going," he said before kissing me quickly as if he was trying to shut me up. I wasn't going to argue with him about it so the shutting me up part was pointless. I did not want to go anyway so there was no way that I would push him on this.

Once Edward realized that I was not going to push him he seemed happy and we moved on with our day. We finished packing since we would be leaving in the next couple of days. We talked about the tour. We laughed about Rosalie who would be joining us since she was still pissed that the police let him go so quickly. It was a quiet day that lead into a great night.

That night we went out like we used to see bands play and just be together. I had forgotten how much I loved the Seattle night life and especially the music scene. Char and Riley joined us for the night to see bands, which was great since I had missed them both since I hadn't seen them over the last couple of days.

We walked back home at the end of the night, staggering from all the drinks that we had ingested until Edward finally carried me piggy back style to our apartment. As we walked Riley was creeping me out by telling us how someone was following us.

"Don't worry baby, I'll keep you safe," Edward told me with a slight smile as if he was reassuring me, but I could tell he was nervous just like Riley. We huddled together as we finished the last leg of the walk room, all the while Riley kept looking over his shoulder while Edward was watching from the front and sides. It was an awkward way to walk, but we made home in piece.

We parted ways at the doors to each of our apartment with hugs and kisses between Char and I as Edward and Riley whispered amongst themselves.

"What was that about?" I asked him as Edward pulled me into his apartment with a happy sigh. He wouldn't answer me at first and it pissed me off. I had to remind him that we needed to communicate and if he couldn't tell me what the hell was going on then maybe I needed to stay with Char. I know it was a low blow to him like that, but I pissed so it didn't matter.

"I think that Emmett was following us," he finally said as he pulled me on to his lap with a serious look on his face. I could not imagine why Emmett would want to follow up or even what he had to say to us. He had said everything already, including his weak apology.

"Why would he follow us?" I asked him as my fuzzy brain tried to comprehend what his appearance meant for us.

"I don't know, but I don't like it and neither does Riley," Edward said with a shrug as he pulled me closer to him so that he could kiss my neck and with that I lost interest in Emmett or why he would be here.

The morning came and greeted us with bright lights and aching heads from last night's celebration.

"Good morning," Edward said and then placed an opened mouth kiss against my shoulder causing me to shudder. I murmured good morning to him as well as I snuggled closer feeling him hard and ready against the small of my back.

"Marry me," he whispered as he moved his kisses to my neck as I sighed in delight. His words caused my stomach to knot instantly.

"Right now?" I asked in surprise as I sat up straight to turn to look at him. I could hear his laughter at my over reaction to his words.

"No, not right now. We'd have to get out of bed and I'm not ready to do that right now," he said as he smiled at me in a teasing manner.

"Are you insane?"I asked him as he pulled me back down to lay beside him. The knot in my stomach twisted tighter as he pulled me close.

"No, well, maybe, but I do love you and I know I want forever. So, just so you know I want you to marry me," he said calmly as he stated his case to me.

I won't lie. I have thought about marriage with him. I have thought about it and thought about it. I knew that I wanted forever with him. I knew I wanted it all with him.

"Ok, I'll think about it," I replied trying to be just as cool and aloof as he was, but his smile made me smile too. Yes, I would marry this boy.

We spent the morning in bed, nursing a hangover and making love slowly as he told me how he was going to marry me someday. It was a wonderful start to the day and by the afternoon we finally crawled out of bed only to resume our lazy day out on the couch as we watched movies and kissed like fools. Days like that were always the best, however it did end on a sour note since Esme decided to call just as Edward was carrying me off to bed.

"Hey mom, so nice of you to stop by the other day when I left," Edward said in a snarky tone that made me giggle as I bit his neck causing him to squirm against me.

"No, I know you wanted to talk to Bella alone. I just don't like that's all," he said as he sat me down on the bed with thump.

"I get it I do, but please know how I feel about it. I don't like it," he said as he smiled at me and then leaned in for a kiss that made me giggle a little.

"Yeah, Bella is right here. No we aren't!" he said as he smiled an evil smirk at me. She must have asked him if we were fooling around.

"Oh really, well, I might be able to do that," Edward said as his voice changed to a serious tone and his eyes went dark. I asked him what was wrong and he just shook his head no at me. I listened as he ended the call and then returned to me completely.

"I have some things to take care of tomorrow while you have your meeting with your new agent," he said as he pulled his shirt off to join me on the bed with a smile.

"What is that you have to take care of?" I asked him, knowing that it had to do with his family.

"Just tying up some loose ends with mom that's all," he said and then kissed me soundly as he pushed me into the mattress so he could rest on top of me.

The morning came once more except this time we had to get up and get moving. There were things to do and people that we needed to meet. We had to finish up everything since we would be leaving the next day to go back to Florida to start the tour up once more.

Edward was looking forward to it. He was excited like a little boy on the night before Christmas. He greeted me that morning with a healthy kiss and then joined me in the shower as a nice start to the day. We kissed and made love under the hot water that pored over us as we clung together there enjoying our few moments of peace before we had to part ways for the day.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" I asked him as he tied his shoes. He looked up at me with a smile that told me that he could see down my shirt as I leaned over for him.

"I do want come with you, but I have to take care of something first," he said with a naughty smile that made blush.

"Well, don't take too long. I wanted o spend today with you," I murmured as I pulled him for a kiss that made him groan. He promised that he would be back as soon as humanly possible as he held me to him. There was a funny look in his eye as he looked down at me. He was up something, but I had no idea what.

"What do you have planned?" I asked him as I pinched his butt in a teasing manner.

"Nothing," he replied back innocently. It was too innocently if ask me. I was still searching his eyes for signs of what he was hiding from me when there was a knock on the door. He twisted himself free to open the door to find Riley on the other side with an evil smirk on his face.

"Good, you're here. We need to leave soon if we are meeting the new agent," I said as I slipped my arms around Edward once more.

"I already met him last night when you were unable to be there, so I am good. You'll love him. He's a no bullshit type of guy,' riley said as he looked from me to Edward. He had a calculating look about him that made me nervous.

"What is going on here?" I asked him as Riley stepped into the apartment with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but you need to get going the guy hates it when you're late," riley said as Edward started to laugh. He knew how much I took pride in being on time, but yet here I was running late now and I only had him to blame. I pulled Edward in for a kiss and then darted out the door. As I left I yelled at him to be careful over whatever it was he had planned.

It only took me a few minutes to meet up at the coffee shop that we had chosen to met at, bat when I walked in I found my new agent Aro Marcus waiting for me with a scowl. The man was older, but yet his hair was still jet black. He was dressed in a suit and stood out like a sore thumb around the college students that frequented this coffee shop. I could see the look of disdain on his face as a boy who looked like a hippie brushed against him.

"Isabella Swan?" he asked me in a clipped accent Italian accent that surprised me for some reason. I guess I was not expecting the accent.

I sat down with Aro and he went over what he could do for me as far as an agent went. We discussed fees and promotion. We talked of the upcoming tour and how he could help. It was a great meeting and I left there feeling uplifted as if I had finally made the right choice concerning my writing.

I walked back to the empty apartment and as I did I was greeted by police officers. They were detectives and they were waiting for me. I felt myself feel with dread as they asked if I was Isabella Swam. The last time I had dealt with the police was when my dad died so this interaction was giving me horrible flashbacks of that time. I found myself wishing for Edward, but knowing that he wasn't here.

"Ms. Swan, I am Detective O'Brien and this is Detective Olsen we are from the New York City Police department," the first man said with a scowl as he led out a massive hand for me to shake. My nerves must have shown through since they quickly explained why they were here.

The detectives were here for my statement concerning what I saw the night of the publisher's party in New York. They wanted to know what we saw concerning Chad Jens and Victoria Stanley. They were investigating a crime concerning the sex act between a minor and Victoria Stanley. I almost giggled as I looked at them, but somehow manage to contain myself as I invited the officers up for coffee as I gave my statement.

In the apartment I poured them each a cup of coffee that had been left on and then I told them of the night we found Victoria in the bathroom stall with Chad. They took notes and then advised me that I may be called upon to be testify in the court case against Victoria. I provided my best contact information and promised them that I would be more than happy to assist them in any way I could concerning this crime. I walked them to the door and then once they were gone I found myself laughing hysterically as I thought of Victoria being arrested and brought up on charges.

I grabbed my cell phone and called Rosalie to see if the good detectives had been to see her yet. She was thrilled to hear from me and advised me that yes, she was their first stop. We talked and as we did I discovered that Edward had been right.

Chad Jen's mother had no idea that Victoria was having sex with her son. She only found out because someone mailed her a DVD of them having sex in a hotel room. I asked Rose if she had anything to do with that and of course she denied it, but I still have my doubts about that. It was Mrs. Jens that brought the tape to the detectives and from there the case blossomed.

Victoria was arrested and as she was arrested she lost her job with the publishing company as their go to girl for an agent for new authors. She would most likely end up in jail, especially since the New York State prosecutor is looking to make her an example since the state has been criticized for going easy on their female sex offenders. All of this information should have made me happy, but it didn't.

I felt cheated somehow. I felt like because I could not really confront her for being the lying whore she was that somehow I was not seeing justice being served. Thankfully Rose was there to help me through it.

"I know that it sucks that you can't really call her out for being a lying bitch, but really this is going to be better than any scream fest you could have had with her," Rose said as she laughed a little while I huffed in irritation over my lack of justice.

"She is most likely going to jail Bella. Jail. That has got to suck. When she gets out she'll have to register as a sex offender. She won't be able to work with children and that includes authors that are minors. Don't you see? This has effectively ended her career. This has done more to her than what you could ever have done. Be happy that you are sparing someone else the pain ok?" she said with a sigh as we finished our conversation.

I knew she was right. I knew that with Victoria gone that I was saving another and the thought of that did make me feel better.

"Plus, you'll get your chance to yell at her when you show up for her trial," Rose concluded with an evil laugh that I had come to love so dearly.

Rose and I went on to discuss the upcoming tour. She said her apologies for having Edward arrested and I apologized for yelling at her. We were good after that. We even went on to discuss Riley. I had to break it to her that Riley was with Char, but thankfully she didn't care. She had met a guy by the name of Jasper that she was possibly in love with. I was happy for her.

The day was passing as it did Edward was still gone. I had called his cell a couple of time, but he never answered. I tried not to be nervous, but I could feel it in hands as they shook as I folded clothes into the dresser that we were leaving here.

It was late afternoon, early evening when my cell rang. I was hoping for Edward, but was disappointed to find James on the other end of the line.

"Bella, Now don't get too excited…" he started to say with a tired sigh. This is how he greeted me. I felt a knot in my stomach instantly as he spoke since it was obvious that something happened that I would get excited about.

"James," I said slowly as I tried not to hyperventilate in the phone. My mind raced as to why he was calling. I knew it had to be about Edward. He hadn't called all day and he could barely go an hour without calling or texting me.

"Bella, take a deep breath," James said in a warning tone. I guess he could hear my panic on the other end of the line.

"I need you to come to Forks. It's Edward," he finished saying with a compassionate voice that made my heart bottom out.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will have the next chapter up later tonight I believe so I won't leave you hanging for too long!**

**Love,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	73. Broken windows

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I left the apartment once I hung up the phone with James only to get Char who was waiting for Riley in her own place. Once I told her that we were needed in Forks she started her rant about Riley and Edward, but proceeded to drive any way.

James had told me that they had been arrested for destruction of property, assault, and failing to comply with police orders. It seemed unreal, but then again this was Edward I was dealing with.

The hour ride back to Forks was filled with harsh words and promises of violence by both Char and I once we saw either of them. Once she stopped in front of the police station I jumped out and ran in. I hadn't been in here since dad died, but it didn't matter since somewhere in this building they were holding Edward.

James greeted me immediately with a slight smile as he motioned for me and a screaming Char to follow him. We walked towards the back and once there we could see the holding cell that Edward and Riley were in. They looked bruised and bloodied, but beyond that they looked ok.

"What the hell happened?" I asked James as he stood there in front of us shuffling through papers quickly.

"Well, when I was called in the fight was going full force. They had broken quite a few things and currently the owners are pressing charges," James said as he read the papers. He, then proceeded, to tell me what the bail would be so I could pay it to get them out of there. I looked once more towards the holding cell and discovered that Edward was now looking at me with a guilty look while Riley waved like a jackass.

I pulled out my check book and wrote the check to get them both out while James told me about court dates and other meaningless things. I waited with an angry Char as we watched James go back and unlock the door to lead the guys out to us.

Char greeted Riley by hitting him repeatedly. She was pissed and there would be no stopping her.

"Jesus, Char, if you'd give me moment I can explain," Riley said as he tried to block her blows, but she was too quick.

Me, I just stood there looking Edward over. His face was swollen and bruised. There were cuts along his cheek and his bottom lip was swollen while being cut up. He wasn't speaking; he was just waiting for me to say something I think.

"So, you needed to go to Forks to fight someone today? Is that what the big secret was?" I asked him as I tried to keep my anger in check, but it was a losing battle. I was pissed.

"Bella, baby, I know it looks bad, but…" he started but I cut him off.

"You have no idea how it looks!" I exclaimed as I glared at him. I then launched into a rant concerning how would he like to be called to pick me up from jail. I poured my heart out over how I thought he could have been hurt or dead. I told him how mad I was and how I couldn't decide if I should hug him or hit him over his stupidity.

"Bella, please," Edward said as he took me by the hand to lead me out. I glared at him, but knew that in the middle of the small police station was not the place to have this discussion. It would used as gossip against us and we had enough of that already.

I followed him out with Char and Riley close behind. I had gotten a chance to look at Riley and discovered that he looked just as bruised and battered as Edward. I remained silent as Edward told him to go to his house to get his car.

We all drove in silence the short distance until Char pulled in the Cullen driveway. Once we pulled up I could see Edward's car, but what I found to be surprising was the destruction that I saw in the yard. The front window had been knocked out and the lawn chairs were laying in the front t yard. Several of Esme's planters were knocked over and her spring flowers were trampled.

I looked at Edward and he just shrugged at me as if there was nothing to say.

"Talk," I said as I tried to control the anger in my voice. Char pulled over and Edward and I got out. We made plans to meet at the dinner allowing for time for Edward and riley to explain themselves to us.

"What the hell Edward?" I asked him as we stood there in the driveway by his car.

"Bella, mom called and asked me to come talk to Emmett. So I said yes," he replied casually as if nothing had happened.

"This is what you call talking?" I yelled as I motioned towards the destruction of the front of his parent's house.

"Yes, this is talking with Emmett. You know he can't control himself. He always has to be right and if he's not right then he's the first to throw a punch," Edward in an angry tone that just pissed me off more. I knew he was right, but I didn't care. There was no need to fight, ever.

"You could have been hurt," I said as I stepped closer to him to look at his face. He was bruised and bloody, but nothing looked broken.

"Yeah, I guess, but it was worth it. He had it coming Bella, you know he did and when he opened his mouth, I just couldn't take it," he stammered as we stood there. I could hear someone behind us. I turned to see Esme standing on the porch watching us with a sad look.

"What did he say?" I asked him in a hushed tone, but Edward was looking at his mom, not listening to me.

"I can't believe you defended him!" he called to her as she stepped closer.

"Edward, I won't stand for the two of you fighting," she said with a tired sigh as she looked at him with sad eyes.

"Mom, what he has done is horrible. He's lied to keep Bella and I apart, but yet I am supposed to just go back like none of it ever happened," Edward said as he tried to reign in his anger.

"He was wrong Edward, yes, that's true, but you two are brothers and that is bigger than all of this," She said as she ran a hand through her hair.

"It isn't though, mom. I could have been fine, but he could not leave well enough alone today could he?' he asked her as I took hold of his hand. I pulled up so I could look at it. His knuckles were bruised and swollen from him hitting Emmett.

"Edward, please just be the bigger man here, for me?" she asked him as movement came from behind her. I watched as Emmett appeared through the front door. His face was bruised and he had his nose taped up as if Edward had broken it for him. He looked us with wary eyes as he stood there.

"You may have dad fooled, but I'm not. I know you and I am tired of your games. You couldn't get Bella away so now you're trying for our parents. Nothing is ever enough for you!" Edward yelled at Emmett as I came to stand before him in a meager attempt to block him from fighting once more.

"Come on sweetheart," I whispered towards Edward as I turned to face him head on. I needed him to look at me. I knew if I could get him to look at me he could see that Emmett wasn't worth it any more.

Edward looked down at me and I could feel his green eyes lock with him. I tried to tell him wordlessly that all was fine. I tried to tell him that this too would pass, but Emmett would not stay quiet.

"Bella, you know he'll just leave again and when he does call me ok?" he yelled to me in a taunting manner that had Edward twisting to get out of my embrace to go after Emmett.

"Let it go," I said as I tried to hold him there by his car and thankfully he stayed. I watched as Edward glared at Emmett for a moment and then turned to me with a half smile.

"Let's go," he said and then walked me to my door before opening it for me. I looked up into his green eyes and for just a moment I was lost in them. I could see his anger and his hurt swirling around in there. This had to end.

"Give me a moment ok?" I asked him as I stepped towards the porch where Esme stood looking just as lost as her son while Emmett seemed to gloat over Edward leaving.

"You… you are horrible and I had always… I had always thought of you as nothing but my friend. I was wrong wasn't I?" I stammered as I approached Emmett tentatively. I could hear Edward behind me, telling me to come back to him and leave the asshole alone.

"Bella…" Emmett began as Esme watched us closely, but I cut him off.

"Emmett, even if Edward never existed there wouldn't be a you and me. I don't love you, I never did so this tormenting your brother has to stop, but we both know that's not why you do it right?" I asked as I felt bolder as I stood in front of him. Emmett looked down at me with a condescending look, but as I looked in his eyes I could see that I was on the right track with him.

"You do it because you somehow think that he is taking attention away from you, the all powerful Emmett. You loved that you were always better at sports since it gave you attention. You loved that Edward was a bit more reserved because means that the spot light was never taken off of you. You couldn't stand it when Edward would get any attention could you?" I asked as I felt myself starting to hyperventilate a little as Emmett tried to avoid my stare as I spoke to him, telling him the truth that he already knew.

"This, this whole mess," I said as I gestured wildly around us making him flinch as I felt Edward come closer to me while Esme started to cry.

"This was never about me. You blamed me so your dad would take your twisted side, but we both know that I was never the problem here, it was always you and your jealousy. You just couldn't stand to see someone choose Edward over you so you had fuck with it. You had to try to stop it, to wreck it," I continued on in my angry tirade as I stepped closer to him while he stepped back.

"This has to stop! I will not sit back and watch you destroy Edward just because you feel like he got something that you didn't. Grow up!" I yelled at him as he stepped back from me once more before going inside silently. I turned to look at Esme, who was crying as she stood there.

"I guess it was you who pressed charges for property damage?" I asked her, but she said nothing. I felt Edward wrap an arm around my middle and then pulled me back to him once more. I let out a pent up breath as I felt our bodies connect once more, reassuring me that he was there with me.

"No, Carlisle," she whispered as she wiped at her tears.

"What a wonderful father!" I said mockingly as I laughed a humorless laugh for her.

"He'll drop them and so will Emmett,' she whispered to me as Edward held me to him.

"Thank you," I said as I tried to calm down as she stood before me crying.

"Bella, I'll try my best to fix this, but in the mean time take care of yourself and Edward for me," she said as she looked at me with tear filled eyes. I knew that this fighting was killing her, but I had done everything I could to end it now.

I stepped back and untangled myself from Edward all except his hand and walked back to the car to leave here. I let Edward open my door and help me in before coming around to his side and getting in as well.

I took hold of his hand once he was in the car as we drove away leaving the mess that Emmett had created behind us so that we could face the future together without him looming over head.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thanks for reading and for reviewing! **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	74. Back in Iowa

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

We left for the tour without any fanfare and without charges looming over Edward's head, thankfully. Carlisle had dropped them, but not before he made a phone call to Edward that night. I tried not to listen to it, but it was near impossible since Edward was holding me on his lap as he was on the phone.

I could hear his father pleading with him not to give up on his family. I could hear him telling him that he had been wrong. He even went so far as to admit that maybe, just maybe he let his past color his judgment over what was going on with Emmett. I smiled at these words since I knew they were true.

Edward explained that he was still upset and needed time. He told him that he would be in touch as we were leaving for the tour. I could hear the disappointment in his father's voice as Edward declined to see him tonight since he just wanted time with me instead.

The tour took off with a blurry of press as we arrived back in Tampa. We were making another stop at a different book store than the one we had been in since our last visit was cut short due to my leaving for Seattle. Edward, who still looked very bruised and scabbed over, seemed to take the whole production with a happy smile. He tried to avoid the press, but it was impossible since he was with me. He took it all in stride though. He would give them his dazzling smile and then tried to fade into the background so I could shine. Many times I was asked who he was and I would always just reply_ that's my Edward._ This always made his smile even bigger.

The curiosity concerning him grew and as it did Riley found it to be funny. I told him it was only funny to him since no one was bothering Char. People wanted to know who Edward was; I blame it on his beauty. It was Riley who actually solved the problem. He had gotten Edward a t-shirt that simply stated _I'm her Preston_. He had found it on some crazy fan based website for the book and bought it laughing, thinking that it would be funny. The joke was on him since the day Edward wore it out when we went exploring in St Louis we had our photograph taken as we left a bookstore. It was that picture of Edward wearing the t-shirt that got people talking about us. Soon we discovered that people we went to high school with were being interviewed concerning our high school romance. It was ridiculous, but at least people knew we were together.

The tour was a different experience with Edward along and there were many times that I would have to remind myself not to be bitter about it. I would keep thinking about how this is what it should have been like the first go round, but nothing could change that now. I tried not to let Edward know that I was thinking that, but in our quiet times he would often say that he was sorry for not being here before so maybe he knew what I was thinking.

The tour was also good for my writing since I found myself writing my second book again. It was different since a large part of the story was without Preston, but that part was completed before Edward and I reconciled. I was able to go forward and write about Preston's redemption and the road back to Cecelia. It mirrored our lives as it was filled with deceit and treachery. I would let Edward read it as I wrote and he told me that it was wonderful. I would then let Riley read it to pick it apart since Edward always thought my writing was good.

The tour was good for other things as well. It created the space needed for Edward's family to try to heal a little bit. Esme was good with her word. She was working hard on the home front to get some understanding going. It was easier for her to be on board with us when she saw firsthand how Emmett could behave at times. It was enlightening to her since she had always blames Edward and his hot temper for the disagreements with Emmett, so to see Emmett doing the provoking changed her mind.

I would get phone calls from Esme while we were out. She would always ask about Edward, but she spent the bulk of our conversation talking about me. I know that she was trying to get back what was lost so I allowed it. We would talk about nothing and everything until I found myself looking forward to her phone calls once more. I think this made Edward happy since he was much easier on his parents if I was happy too.

Esme also called Edward a lot. I did not listen in on their conversations, but I knew that they were getting along fine since when he would hang up there wasn't that deep frown on his face any more.

About three weeks into the tour Edward received his first phone call from Carlisle. It was stiff and awkward since Carlisle spent a large portion of the call apologizing. He told Edward how sorry he was over everything. He knew he was being irrational, but it was just so hard to stop. Eventually I was even placed on the line and Carlisle said he was sorry to me. I didn't need to hear it, since I didn't care. I never cared for Carlisle's approval; I've only ever wanted Edward, that's all.

Their phones calls to us both increased in number and as they did we discovered that we would be in Iowa at the same time they were. They were coming to Iowa for Emmett's wedding and wanted us to meet them. They were not asking us to attend, which was different than before, they just wanted to see us. We could do that.

Going back to Iowa City was nerve wracking since the last time we were here Edward left me on the steps of the old capitol. I knew that wouldn't happen again, but part of me was still dreading seeing the steps once more. It was like seeing them would hurt me somehow. I know that it was stupid since the steps can't hurt me, but the memory of it all still could.

Edward seemed just as on edge as we drove into Iowa City. We had opted to drive instead of fly since St Louis was so close. We each had taken our own rental car so it was just Edward and I alone as we city the city limits.

"You know I actually missed this place when I left," he said almost absent mindedly as he drove.

"You did?' I asked him. I was surprised by this since he seemed so miserable when he was here.

"Yeah, I missed being here with you. I knew that wouldn't want to be here alone, but with you it was great," he replied as he glanced over at me, trying to judge what my reaction to his words would be.

I was kind of surprised by his declaration and it must have shown since he smiled at me in a funny manner. He continued to drive until he reached the new Marriot at the edge of town. That was where we were staying for our duration in Iowa City.

We walked into the hotel hand and hand so we could check in before going exploring once more in what was once our college town. Edward was sweet and very thoughtful, but I also knew that he was nervous since I could see his hand shake a little as he opened our door.

"Are you nervous because we are back here or because we are going to meet up with your folks?' I asked him as I pulled him towards the bed that looked so inviting in the middle of the room so I could cuddle with him a little. I was in dire need to touch him and kiss him so pulling him to the bed was my only option outside of attacking him in the hallway.

"I don't know. Maybe both. I don't want you to be sad because we are here, hell, I don't want to feel bad because we are here,' he stammered as he pulled me closer so he could nuzzle at my chest a little like he always did. He was such a boob man.

"Ok, then let's go make some new memories," I whispered before pulling his face up for a kiss to calm his nerves as well as mine. He seemed to like this idea since he moaned in agreement as I slid my tongue along his in his mouth. He tasted of coffee and peppermint mixed with sin. I loved kissing him.

He pulled back from me and gave me a heated smile that made my stomach twist in anticipation.

"That sounds amazing, but first let's celebrate our successful return to Iowa," he said teasingly as he pulled his shirt off so I could touch his skin as he straddled my legs. I sat up and pulled my shirt off as well so but was stopped from removing my jeans by Edward's hands. He wanted to do that so I left that for him.

Edward took his time undressing me and as each layer of clothing came off his lips would greet my skin in a worshipping manner. He kissed each scar left by the broken glass of the window that I had been thrown into. It was slow and methodical as if he was trying to erase them one by one. This wasn't the first time that he had done this, however this time it seemed to have deeper meaning to me.

Once we were skin against skin I was burning for him. I would twist under his hands and mouth as he explored my body, even though he knew it every bit as well as his own by now. I rolled him on to his back and kissed him deeply as I settled upon him, but yet not taking him in just yet. I wanted to look at him. I wanted to see his eyes. I loved when they were clouded with lust and burning bright green just for me.

I didn't have long to admire him beneath me since he sat up so we were nose to nose as he wrapped his arm around me to hold me tight. I felt him move us so that with the help of the pillows he was leaning back against the head board while I straddled him.

Once he was settled I moved to slowly take him inside me as Edward muttered words that I could not understand in my own haze as we joined. We, moved against each other, taking him deeper inside me as our connection deepened until I could not tell where I stopped and he began. We remained like that until we both were consumed by the bliss we had been striving towards.

Afterwards we laid there in each other's arms too tired to move, but knowing we had to anyway.

"Are you nervous?" I asked him. I wondered if he was nervous at all about meeting up with his parents once more since the last time we were all together it went poorly.

"Not anymore," he replied back with closed eyes and a teasing smirk playing across his lips. Jackass. I elbowed him causing him to laugh as we lay together once more. After his laughter settled he told me that yes, he was still nervous; it was his family after all. I knew that he wanted to get along with his father, but it was difficult.

I had always pictured Edward's family as my idea of the perfect family. They had a loving mother who didn't run off with another man. They had an attentive father who attended their school programs and events unlike my own dad who never bother to come to parent teacher conferences. To me, they were the picture of perfection when it came to family life so this other side or underside of their family if you will was still a little shocking to me. I think it was shocking for him as well.

We remained silent for the remainder of the afternoon just laying there together, touching and holding on as anxiety started to creep back into our world. We slowly got up to dress since we had plans to meet his parents at the restaurant that Carlisle took me to back in November. I could see the tension settle in over Edward once more as he looked at himself in the mirror debating on shaving or not before finally muttering _fuck it_ and got in the shower instead.

I slipped in behind him startling him as he had his face in the spray of hot water.

"Bella," he started to say, but I stopped him by just pulling him to me in an embrace. I needed him to know that all would be fine and we would still be here together. Edward seem to welcome the embrace and as I felt his body relax against mine slowly.

We showered together with loving kisses and worshiping touches as he allowed me to calm him until we finally hut off the water and stepped out to face the world. It didn't take long to get dressed to leave and once we stepped out into the hall Char ran over to give us both a hug for luck as riley yelled at her to leave us alone. He knew that this was kind of a make or break type of thing for Edward and his family so he just wanted us to have some peace. I guess that's why I love Riley too.

The drive to the restaurant was a short one since it was just a mile down the road. We pulled and parked, but did not leave the car. It was there that Edward promised me that if his father was being an asshole that we would just leave, no questions asked, just get up and go. I agreed with him since he seemed to need it and then he stepped out to get my door like the gentleman he can be at times.

We walked in and were seated in front of Esme who looked teary eyed and Carlisle who looked unsure. We talked politely and laughed at all the appropriate things. They questioned us about our travel and we both told them stories about the tour. We talked about fans and book sales. It was very awkward and tense, but we made it through. At the end of the night Esme hugged us both before Carlisle and then he followed suit with a very stiff hug. We said our good bye and parted ways as Edward led me back to the car.

The drive back to the hotel was silent. I was giving Edward the space he needed to sort through that meeting. He remained silent as we came back to the room and even as he pulled me to him so we could lay on the bed together.

It was early, but I was fine with laying there if that was what he needed. He remained silent for another hour as we lay there wrapped together and then finally he let out a tired sounding sigh. I looked up at his face to find him watching, me with a smile. I knew that he was ok then.

We later talked and Edward told me that the hardest part about dealing with his family was the disappointment. It was disappointing to believe that your family was this wonderful impartial group that would love you no matter what only to discover that they aren't that way. It was disappointing to know that your parents were human and made mistakes, but it was livable.

As we talked he also decided that he would attend Emmett's wedding. He thought it was important for us to be there since it was a way of showing that after everything that happened we still had each other. I, on the other hand, thought it may not be the best idea, but Edward promised that it would be good so I agreed to go.

It was with the thought of showing our unity that we slipped into the back of the church right before the wedding started. Carlisle and Esme saw us right before they were ushered up the aisle. They both seemed relieved to see us there.

We slipped into the back and watched as a pregnant Veronica made it up the aisle to Emmett who looked quite handsome in his tux. Edward squeezed my hand that he held as they said their vows and then we slipped out before again through the receiving line, but not fast enough that Emmett did not see us there. His blue eyes locked with mine for a moment as I nodded my head in recognition and then mouthed congratulations to him while Edward held me tighter to him. I then watched as Edward and Emmett exchanged looks of irritation before we slipped out into the warm Iowa summer night hand in hand together.

**AN;**

**Thanks for reading! The story is coming to an end. I would say another chapter maybe 2. **

**Hugs!**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo **


	75. Halloween Revisited

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

After Emmett's wedding we did not go back to the reception. There was no need to since we done what we had set out to do. We witnessed the wedding and Edward got one more chance to show him that we were together so no need to flaunt it, even though Edward wanted to.

We drove around for a while looking at old haunts of ours before he parked the car so we could walk for bit. The air was still muggy with humidity, but at least some of the heat was gone as the sun set in the sky. I held Edward's hand as we walk along the path a took the night I was hit by the scooter. I think he wanted to see it, feel what I was feeling as it all lead up to that moment.

He would ask me what I had been thinking that night as I waited for his call. He told me how nervous he was that night since he was sure I was going to give back his ring, a ring that he was determined that I keep.

It was interesting to hear what he had thought since at the time I had no idea how miserable he was. I had no idea that he was suffering right alongside me even though he was 2000 miles away.

We walked until we reached the window that I was thrown into. He stopped walking and just stared at it for a moment without speaking. I could see a flurry of emotions pass over his face as he looked at the now perfect glass.

It was at that moment that I knew that if I had talked to him that night that we would have reconciled everything. We would have cried together and corrected the mistake. He would have begged for forgiveness and I would have given it to him freely. He would have come back to me and we would have baby, living proof of our love, with us tonight.

While I cannot always say that the path we took was a happy one, I can say that even with all the detours and roadblock, nothing stopped us from being back together. It was simple, we were just meant to be.

The thought of being destined to be Edward's must have been in his mind too as he squeezed my hand tightly before tugging on it to pull me along to continue out walk. As we walked I told him how I met Riley. I told him of all the wonderful things that he already knew that lead me back to him as he smiled at my words for him.

I found us back to the capitol steps on our way back to the car. It was odd since the last time we had been there he left me broken sitting there, but tonight was different. He moved us so that we were on the steps facing each other as we were that terrible night. I felt the tingle of nerves in my stomach as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Marry me," he whispered to me with such seriousness in his green eyes that it made my heart stutter in my chest. He had asked me to marry him in every city we had been in so far, but this different. He was creating a new memory to replace a horrible one that was etched in our minds.

I don't why he continued to ask when he knew what the answer was. He knew it was always yes so I said nothing and instead just stepped forward to kiss him. His hands came up instantly to cup my face as we stood there kissing away the bitterness of the old memory with a new sweeter one.

We stayed there like that until we could hear people talking about us and with that we left once more. We walked back to the car and raced back to the hotel room where we spent the rest of night lost in each other.

The summer and tour passed like a blink of an eye. We soon found ourselves back in Seattle ready to start school once more. I had missed home so to be back was good.

Riley was still with Char and was now attending the University of Washington with us. We still spent nights together and Riley still would come over to write with me at times. Life was good and there were no complaints from any of us about this aspect of our lives.

Edward and I had settled into a nice routine with classes. We had our days filled with work and our nights filled with each other. He never stopped asking me to marry him and I never really gave him an answer because he knew what it was anyway.

Relations with Carlisle and Esme took another downward swing as time passed since Emmett's marriage was failing. Veronica and Emmett could not get along, even with the birth of their son; they could not seem to find a common ground. Somehow Carlisle thought that Emmett's failure was proof that our relationship would fail as well. This caused a lot of tension and arguments between him and Edward. I tried to stay out of the way of it most of the time since it was his fight with his dad not nine. I didn't care what Carlisle thought, I knew that Edward and I were forever.

It was these events that lead us up to Halloween. We were heading back to Forks to some Halloween celebration that I agreed to attend. Forks was gaining some notoriety from my books and somehow my sleepy home town was becoming a tourist destination. People wanted to see where Preston and Cecelia met. They wanted to walk the same streets and feel the rain. It was odd and flattering that so many people where connecting with my beloved characters that way.

I had been asked to be grand marshal of the first ever Forks City Halloween parade. I laughed at the idea of it, but Edward talked me into it, saying that it was a perfect way to give back to the town, which only made me laugh harder since that town wasn't always so good to me. He then mentioned that my dad would be so proud and that seal it for me. I had to do it.

The drive back to Forks was a quiet one. Edward seemed nervous, but I had thought it had to do with the fact that we would be staying with his parents that weekend. I had tried to defuse the situation b having Riley and Char stay as well since her parents were out of town visiting Peter.

We pulled up in front of the Cullen house and I could not help, but to laugh since Esme had the same Halloween decoration out on display with the same light up pumpkins in the window. It made me think of the first time Edward and I made love and soon I found myself blushing at the idea of it. I could hear Edward snickering at me as he walked up from behind and pulled me into an embrace.

"Are you ready for this?" he whispered in my ear causing me to shiver against him lightly. I was ready for anything as long as I had him and I told him so, which earned me a kiss while Riley groaned out loud at our display of affection.

Esme must have heard the noise that we all were making since she was quickly outside to greet us with a happy smile. I was happy to see her. While things were difficult with Carlisle, Esme had become more of a support for us and that was nice even though Edward did not trust her fully. I understood why. He felt as if both parents had betrayed him, not just his father. To me, it didn't matter and I meant that.

Esme hugged us all and then ushered us in. Edward led us upstairs to his room while announcing to his mother that I would be staying with him while Char and riley had my room. I waited to hear Esme's protest, but she responded with a loud _that's fine_ that surprised me while Edward grinned at me like a fool. I had a feeling that he had worked this out with his mom long before her arrived.

I walked into my old room with Char following behind. I hadn't been back here since before I left for Iowa. It looked the same and I was glad for that. There were still pictures up of Edward and me from when were ten years old up until we left for college. I watched as Riley entered the room and instantly went for the pictures on the wall of us. I felt Edward behind me as I looked around remembering how he first kissed me in this room both when we were fourteen as well as seventeen. I could feel the sweetness of it still in the room.

"You were a cute kid Bella," Riley said as he studied my picture that hung up there, "but I'm a little surprised by all the pink in here," he said as he motioned towards the hot pink walls. This made me laugh since I had never picked out that color.

"Oh, that was Edward. I think it was him paying tribute to Bella's blushes," Char said as she poked my side causing me to jump like a fool while Edward laughed at us. I turned back to Edward, who was still smiling and pulled him close to me. I could hear him sigh as I wrapped my arms around him as if he had missed me even though I was right there.

"Let's go and let them get settled," I whispered to him as I tugged him along back to his room. While in the hall way my eyes swept over to Emmett's door. It was odd now that there was no contact with him. Part of me wanted him to know that I felt bad about his marriage and the other part of me just didn't care at all as bad as that sounds.

I opened Edward's door and walked in as he held me to him loosely.

"I cannot believe you got your mom to agree to let me sleep with you here,' I said to him as he kissed my neck slowly.

"I told her that we live together. We sleep together every night, so what does it matter?" he said as he smiled against my skin. I knew it didn't matter, but I was looking for reasons why not to argue with Carlisle, but I guess Edward didn't care about that this weekend.

Edward pulled me down on the bed and wrapped me up in his arms so that we were lying together. This was a favorite past time of his for us just to be together like this. I liked it too since it made me feel safe.

We lay like that for a while until Esme called us down to join her. Carlisle was running late, but would be home soon and she wanted us to eat something before we took off for the night. She had made us soup and homemade bread that was beyond wonderful. While we ate she talked.

She told us of the tour company that started up in Forks based on my book so now the occasional tour bus will come rolling by their house. She spoke of people stopping by and knocking on the door wanting to see my room. She gave us fan mail that was written to me and left here for me to get. It was odd and yet, Edward found it all to be funny, except when someone mentioned the idea of fan mail from guys. He hated the idea of guys contacting me, as if I would be interested in anyone besides him.

Esme then told him something that I had been hoping that she would not mention. She told him that she knew someone had bought the old McCarthy place. I watched as Edward's face went from laughter to a scowl instantly and for one brief moment I felt a twinge of guilt settle over me.

The McCarty place was an old house that came with quite a bit of land, fifteen acres to be exact and in within those fifteen acres was our meadow. We had made promise once that if the meadow ever came up for sale that we would buy it and I did. I bought the McCarty place and all the land that went with it. It was going to be a gift for Edward. I was going to tell him tonight that it was ours and it was that knowledge that made watching his face all with the news that someone had bought it that almost made me regret my decision to wait to tell him, almost, but not quite.

Carlisle joined us and for once the mood remained light as Char and Riley kept us laughing before we left for the night. When we did finally leave, Carlisle and Esme came along with us since there was going to a parade down the three blocks that made up our town and I got to be in it.

The parade was short and filled with people in costumes. As I sat on the back of a car I watched for my friends and finally found them standing outside of the diner, watching me with laughter as I rode by on a float made of crate paper. I tossed hand full's of tootsie rolls at them as punishment for their laughter and then it was over. I found Edward waiting for me with a big smile on his face as he led out his hand to help me down.

We walked along and soon ran into James who informed me that I was huge hit for their small parade. We then went through the local haunted house to laugh and scream just like every other person out that night.

At the end of the night Edward and I took off separate. I knew that he would want to go to the meadow, especially since he thought it had been lost to us. I was going to take that time to share with him my news.

We reached the clearing and Edward parked the car wordlessly before exiting to open my door for me. I could feel the excitement bubbling up inside of me as I thought of how happy he was going to be with purchase.

He took hold of my hand and we started to walk. The air around us was cold and wet just like every other October in Forks. It made me smile as we walked. This was home to us and now it would always be home since we owned this little piece of our past right here.

We finally reached the clearing to where the meadow and once we did Edward started t talk. His words were nervous as he talked about the past. He mentioned coming here with me and how he knew that he loved only me even back then. I smiled at words since I had heard him tell me this before, but he had never said it with such conviction before.

Edward lead me into the center of the meadow and then looked around as if was waiting for something. After a long moment he let out a loud whistle and suddenly the meadow was filled with soft lights. The trees were filled with orange colored Halloween lights and at the base of many of the trees there were light up jack o'laterns. I stood there, mouth open in surprise as the orange soft light surrounded us making everything look unreal as we stood there.

I turned to look back at Edward and he was before me on one knee, still holding my hand.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I love you and will love you every day of forever. You are my world and I want the world to know that you are mine. Will you marry me?" he asked me as he looked up at me with such a nervous look on his handsome face.

I stood there looking at him and in the moment I could see him on the first day we met as an awkward ten year old boy wanting a friend. I could see him as the handsome, unsure fourteen year old boy who stole my heart. I could see him as the romantic seventeen year old boy that had given himself to me as I had given myself to him. I could see him as the tormented nineteen year old man who gave me up and broke my heart. Finally, I could see him as the confident twenty year old man that was before me, promising me forever.

"Yes," I managed to whisper as the words choked me. It was right and I was his. Edward smiled a blinding smile of delight as he slowly slipped the cold diamond ring on my finger. It fit like it was made for me, because it was made for me.

Slowly he stood up, with the smile never leaving his face. His hands pulled me close and slowly cupped my face as he ran his nose along mine in a slow Eskimo kiss.

"Kiss her already!" I could hear a voice call to us that could only be Riley's voice in the woods around us. I laughed at him as Edward leaned and pressed his lips to mine, sealing a promise with a sweet kiss similar to the ones that he used to give me here in this very same meadow.

**AN:  
Thanks for reading! **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**


	76. The purchase

Disclaimer: I do not won Twilight.

We broke apart from our kiss just as others started to file into our meadow. _Our Meadow._ I hadn't told Edward yet that I had bought the meadow, the house, the land, all for him. Everything was for him.

I was still in Edward's arms when the first well wishers reached us. It was Riley.

"Congrats!" he yelled as he slapped Edward on the back and then pulled me out of Edward's arms to give me a big hug as Char hugged Edward as well.

"I knew you two would get back together," he said to me as he hugged me close to him. His statement puzzled me since how could know? He had just met me in the middle of this break of ours, so I asked him how he was so sure.

"I could see it. Everyone could see it, B," he replied like I was the dumbest person he had ever met. That was Riley, always being an ass.

When he let go of me I noticed that the meadow filled with what looked liked like half the town. I hugged Char as I commented on this.

"Oh, yeah, you're a regular celebrity now," Char said as she looked around as well. It was odd as I saw people milling around drinking champagne from plastic cups.

"Champagne?" I asked as I felt Edward slip his hand back into mine.

"Yeah, that was James's idea. He was certain you would say yes, but I was only hoping," he said to me with a shy smile that seemed off.

"Come on, you had to know that I would say yes. It was always yes. As matter of fact, I don't think I've ever told you no" I said with a laugh as thought back to all our interactions over time to see if I had ever said no to this boy/man at my side. I could not think of a time that I had ever denied him and he knew it, I could tell by his wicked smile.

"I know," he whispered in my ear, knowing that it would give me chills and then kissed my cheek softly as he chuckled in a teasing manner. He knew how much he owned me and I knew how much I owned him as well. We were good like that and now it would always be like that, the idea of it made me smile.

I leaned back against his chest as he held me while other well wishers came up to give their congratulations to us. I scanned the crowd and as I did I found Esme and Carlisle, they were making their way to us through the crowd that had formed. My stomach dropped as if I was on a roller coaster as I saw Carlisle's scowl. I knew he would not be pleased, but I hoped that he would remember that this was his son's happiness he was dealing with, not something else.

"Oh Edward!" I heard Esme exclaim as she pulled him into a warm hug. I was pressed between them so Esme was hugging me as well since Edward was refusing to let me go. I could hear her murmuring her well wishes as she told him how happy she was for us and how happy we would be together. She was right. We would be happy.

Once she pulled back a little she moved her arms to hug just me. Esme whispered to me how I was always her daughter so this will just make it official. It was a silly sentiment, but it still brought tears to my eyes.

I watched as Carlisle stepped closer and hugged Edward in a stiff fashion. He was angry, I could tell and so could Edward. I never understood why he could not just be happy for us.

"Congratulations son," he said with a happy tone and a smile that did not reach his eyes. I felt Edward tense behind me as he pulled me tighter against him without thinking of his actions.

"Thanks, I knew you'd be happy," Edward said smoothly with a big smile on his face that made me snicker a little since he was being such a smart ass.

"Well, I think it's wonderful, but I am worried as to how you will finish college on time," Carlisle said with a smart ass smile of his own.

"We'll be fine, so don't worry about that," Edward replied with an edge to his voice that caused me to turn and look at him. I wanted to remind him that now as not the time to fight. Now was the time to be happy and plan our future together, which was something we had been doing since our senior year of high school.

"I don't know. I mean, if you are adult enough to get married then you are adult enough to pay for your own education," Carlisle said with a sorrowful shake of his head while Esme gasped in surprise over his statement.

"There are always student loans so I'm not worried," Edward replied with a happy smile on his face. I knew that Edward was actually happy to get out from under his father's control concerning college so I knew that his smile was genuine.

"Please don't worry Carlisle. I have made enough of the book sales so far that I will be able to pay for his education as well as mine so there is nothing to fear," I chimed in sweetly as I smiled at him with my best smile. I hated that he was trying to intimidate Edward, so I had to remind him that he was not the only one with a hefty bank account any more. I felt Edward's squeeze me close as we stood there.

"Bella, darling, don't call him Carlisle, call him Dad," Edward said mockingly as he leaned down and then kissed my temple sweetly. We watched as Carlisle stuttered and stammered for a moment and then said congratulations once more before leaving us standing there with Esme.

"I'll take of this. See you both later," She said as she turned to leave with an angry look on her eyes.

I had just turned to Edward so that we were facing each other when two glasses of champagne were thrust into our faces.

"Drink up!" the man said and then slapped Edward on the back, hard enough that he winced. I had no idea who he was and neither did Edward, but it didn't matter.

The night wore on and soon I think I had spoken to half the town of Forks. They had all come out to wish us well and hope that we had our wedding here in town. I hadn't thought about it and don't think Edward had either.

"Hey kids congrats!" James said as he walked up with a happy smile on his face. He brought along his girlfriend, Emily, over to meet us as well since we had never met her before. We stood there introducing ourselves while we watched Emily cling to James in a nervous fashion. It was really sweet.

"You don't think the new owner will get too excited about using their power do you? I mean, you did tell them I would like to pay for the use right?" Edward said as he motioned towards the tress which were all lit up as well as the glowing pumpkins. I smiled at his words since he was always trying to do the right thing.

"OH, they won't mind," James replied with a laugh. He knew that I or rather, we were the new owners.

"Edward, I have something to tell you," I said with a happy voice as James and Emily slipped away from us to give us a bit of privacy.

I watched as Edward's beautiful green eyes went wide with surprise and then he hugged me tight.

"Whoa! Hold up a minute! I haven't even told you!" I exclaimed in laughter as he hugged me.

"Ok," he said as he pulled back from me with a big smile, like he knew what I was going to say.

"I am, well, we are the new owners," I replied and then waited to see his reaction. I watched as his green eyes glaze over in confusion.

"What?" he whispered as if he hadn't heard me correctly.

"We bought the McCarty place and all fifteen acres that come with. The meadow, our meadow is part of it," I said in a rushed voice as I waited for his reaction, but Edward did nothing. He stood there staring at me as if I had sprouted a third head.

The longer that he remained silent the more I started to doubt my purchase of the meadow. I found myself stammering and stuttering that I could not have our meadow sold to someone else and that I thought he would like it, until he finally silenced me with a wave of his hand.

"Bella, I love it," he said as a smile crept over his handsome face. I watched as he looked around the meadow as the smile got bigger.

"It's ours," he whispered as he pulled me closer to him so there was no space between us once more. I nodded my head as I smiled at him. Yes, he loved it. I knew he would.

The party continued and as it Edward pulled me aside along with Riley and Char. We agreed to go. We were going to see the house that I had bought for Edward. Edward and Char didn't remember much about the house so it was almost as much as a surprise for them as it was for Riley, but I knew the house.

Edward drove us over to the house and we all got out looking at it. The house was a smaller cottage style house that was older and in need of repair. I knew that we could restore it to its original glory.

We walked up and I produced a key to get inside as they all watched me wordlessly. We entered the silent, empty home with hushed voices as we looked around. This would be our home here in Forks. I could almost imagine the nights spent here and as I did I smiled.

We separated and walked the house. The house had four bedrooms, a fireplace in the front room and in the master bedroom. It was sweet and perfect for a getaway house.

I lead Edward into what would be our bedroom.

"I know it needs work and we can hire someone to do the remolding since I want a new kitchen, but I just couldn't let it pass, Edward. I just couldn't let the opportunity to buy our meadow pass," I stuttered as he stepped closer to me with a smile. He pulled me into his arms for a kiss as he told me how much he loved it before we discussed what we both wanted in the remodel.

We were lost in conversation concerning dreams for our house, when Riley walked into our room to announce that he loved the house.

"This is a nice little house, Bella. I think you did great," riley said with a smile as he looked around the room before telling us what he would do as far as remodeling the house.

Char came in with a bottle of champagne that she had opened along with four plastic cups and we toasted the future, our marriage, the house, and everything else in between. We drank enough as we emptied one bottle and then moved on to another so that we would have to walk back to Edward's parent's house, which thankfully was not all that far.

Once back we went our separate ways into our bedrooms. I watched Edward close his door and then lock the door with a wicked smile on his face as he turned to me. He walked across the room until he was on the bed side me, grinning like he had won a prize.

"What are smiling about?" I asked him in a hushed tone as I tried not to laugh while he almost fell off his bed while crawling to me. I loved a drunken Edward since he was always so playful.

Edward finally reached me as he opened his mouth to answer my question.

"You're going to be my wife," he said in a slurred tone from too much champaign that made me giggle as he pulled me close so that I was on his lap. I nodded my head yes since I was most definitely going to be his wife. Edward then kissed me in slow manner that would only lead to a slow burn of my senses as he tugged on my shirt until he pulled it over my head.

"Edward, we can't," I whispered as he laughed at me.

"What do you mean we can't? We have made love in this house countless times if my memory serves me correct, and there was a time that it was those memories of being with you like that were the only the thing keeping me alive," he said as he moved just enough to tug off his own shirt.

I didn't want to think about our dark period as I had come to call it, when Edward and I were apart. I only wanted to focus on the future and all the happiness that it would contain.

He was right though, we had made love here countless times, and so what would once more be? Carlisle was already upset with us so why not add to the list of transgressions that we had committed against him.

I went to wrap my fingers in his hair when Edward caught my hand. He pulled it forward and kissed the ring he had placed on my finger that night. It was a sweet gesture that made me smile in a weepy manner since I knew that he was honoring us, our future, and our decision on forever with that simple kiss.

"Let me show you how much I love you," he whispered in a voice that oozed of love, lust and sex while his green eyes burned into mine making me giddy. How could I say no to that? So, I didn't. I laid back and allowed him to worship me the way he wanted to and I reveled in it like a flower in sunlight.

We made love slowly, with stuttering words of love as Edward told me over and over that I was his and he was mine. It was perfect and I could not have asked for more. When there was nothing left to give we laid there in each other's arms while Esme's pumpkin the window casted an orange glow throughout the room just like it did the very first night we ever made love. It was beautiful and made me smile as I clung tighter to the boy who would become my husband.

I drifted off to sleep in Edward's arms, but not before he pulled his blankets over us to protect us from the chill in the night air. I protested against sleeping nude next to him while in his parents' house, but he assured me that the door was locked and Esme was not about to come in tonight after his proposal.

I don't know how long we were sleeping when I awoke to the sound of voices. I went to set up, but Edward stopped me by holding, me to him.

"What's going on?" I asked him as I looked at him in the orange glow of his room. He looked half asleep as well with his messy hair standing up all over from my hands in it.

"I have no idea," he whispered with a tired sigh as we both started to get out of bed. We both looked around for clothes since I was refusing to wait in his room while Edward checked out the voices.

Once we were both dressed he opened his door and then took hold of my hand as we stepped out in to the hall way. In the hallway we could hear that it was Carlisle and Esme talking. They were down stairs.

We quietly descended the stairs, hoping not to get their attention as we entered the room. Esme and Carlisle were in the kitchen and it obvious they were talking about us.

"I won't let you run them off," Esme said with a conviction in her voice that surprised me a little.

"And that is exactly what you are doing. You will run him off and we will not see our son again," she said with anger in her voice as Edward squeezed my hand in his. I knew that Edward would never do that to his mother, but I also knew that Esme was not above playing dirty to get what she wanted and this time she wanted Carlisle to understand us.

"Es," Carlisle said in a tired voice as if they had been fighting the same battle for hours, if not days now.

"Don't do this, Carlisle. You know I am right. When push comes to shove he will pick her, he has already," she said as she held her ground. I could feel Edward tense as he stood by me. I knew he was angry. I knew he was tired of their input concerning us and so was I.

"What is so wrong about them together? You love Bella, you've said how good she is for him, and so I don't see the problem here. The only problem I see here is you," Esme said as her voice softened.

"Of course I love Bella and yes, she is good for him," Carlisle said with a weary sigh once more. I felt Edward relax a little against me at his father's words. I knew that it bothered him that Carlisle may not like me, but I never cared. I had Edward and that was all I wanted, so who cares what Carlisle thought about me?

"They are so young," he finally muttered as we heard him move in the room.

"Yes, they are, but I am not worried about them and neither should you" Esme said with a smile in her voice that made me smile a little.

"How can you be so certain about this?" Carlisle asked her we stood there waiting to hear her answer as well.

"Look at the way he looks at her or how she is with him. The answer is there Carlisle, you can see it I know you can," she said in a teasing lilt in her voice that surprised me a little.

"What about Emmett?" I heard Carlisle ask her with uncertainty in his voice.

"Well, I am not sure about him and Veronica, but I told you that when they told us they were getting married. I don't see that look on his face when he looks at her," Esme said with concern in her voice that reserved for Emmett.

"You really think they will be fine?" we heard him ask her with concern.

"Edward and Bella?" she asked him, as she held our breath to see what she would say next.

"They will be perfect," she said softly and then we listened as she pulled Carlisle close for an embrace. It was at that moment that Esme noticed us lingering in the back ground. She pulled away from Carlisle just enough to motion for us to come in the kitchen and join them.

It was an odd moment standing there with Edward's parents as Esme gushed on like a high school girl about my ring while Carlisle awkwardly slapped Edward on the back in congratulations. It was weird, but I was happy for Edward since this was his family and I knew that this acceptance was important to him.

I watched the smile on Edward's face as he told them about our purchase of the McCarty place. He was happy about it and it was good to see. If they were shocked they hid it well since they reacted like it was old and maybe in this town it was.

Esme finally got around to asking when the wedding would be and we had to admit that we hadn't thought that far ahead in the process of it all. She seemed shocked by it, but then started suggesting churches in Forks that we could use. I really did not want to go back to the church were my father's visitation was to have my wedding and then the idea hit me.

"I was thinking maybe the meadow," I offered as I watched Edward smile at my idea. I knew he would love that idea.

"Oh, honey, but it rains so much here. You really want an outdoor wedding in the one of the rainiest places in Washington?" Esme asked me as if I had lost my mind.

"Bella likes the rain," Edward said with a smile just for me.

"I love that idea," he said as he pulled me to him with that smile that made my knees weak.

Esme thought we were crazy, but agreed that the meadow would be beautiful all the same. She only commented we would need tents to cover the guests, to protect them from the rain that was sure to fall. It was with that thought our wedding plans started to take shape as Edward and I stood there, not caring about the plans, only focusing on the end result of it all which was us together.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! There will be one more chapter which will have the wedding and then an epi for these two. **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

"


	77. The wedding plan

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Summer passed into fall and as it did our wedding slowly started to take shape. Since Edward and I were back in Seattle, a lot of the local set up was left to Esme or James since they both had offered to help us in our pursuit of getting married in our meadow.

I was unsure about trusting Esme with wedding plans since I knew how Carlisle felt about our union, but she has proven to be a faithful mother figure once more as she arranged for a dance floor to be brought and for tents to be put up just in case of rain. She helped us pick out the menu and a settled upon a DJ so we would have music to dance to at the reception. Esme seemed happy about our upcoming wedding and that made leaning on her for help all the more easy.

While Esme was managing our wedding plans, Edward and I had started work on our little house back in Forks. We decided upon colors for the walls as well as finally deciding what we wanted done as far as a remodel went. It was after that decision that we searched for a contractor since there was no way we would be able to complete the work ourselves with school, and the wedding looming ahead. It did not take long to decide upon Billy Black's company since not only were they old family friends, I knew that they did wonderful work.

Billy was letting my old friend Jacob manage our project, much to Edward's irritation. Edward swore that Jacob was not so much interested in getting our kitchen remodeled as what he was interested in me, but I would always argue that point. I would remind him that Jacob and I were old friends so any extra attention was just due to that, and nothing more, but of course Jacob had to prove me wrong.

We were in the house going over what progress had been made in the week since I had been there. Edward was up at his parents' house and was running late to meet me at our house, so I had started the meeting without him. Jacob started out by telling me about the kitchen, but as we moved the bed room where a wall was being taken out to expand the size of the room as well as the size of the master bath while adding more windows there, Jacob became more personal.

He asked about my upcoming marriage, which I happily told him about Edward and me getting married. I told him details over the colors chosen and how I had found the perfect dress one rainy afternoon in Seattle just like any star struck bride to be would. I spoke of the plans in the meadow and who we had chosen to cater the event. I told him about the menu and what plans we had in place. I was lost in those plans when I looked up to find Edward standing there watching us.

"Edward!" I exclaimed and then threw myself at him in a big hug. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close as Jacob focused back on the projects at hand. It wasn't until after he left that Edward told me what he really felt about Jacob Black.

"He likes you Bella," Edward said with an irritated tone that made me laugh at his jealousy.

"You are insane," I said to him as we walked around the house once more after Jacob left.

"I am not insane," he said with a frown as he held me close to him with a pout on his handsome face that made me want to laugh at him.

"Ok, fine, you're not insane, but he doesn't like me as anything other than his friend," I said as I pulled him close for a kiss, that he resisted.

"He stares at your boobs, Bella," Edward said in an irritated tone that made me want to laugh again. It was cute to see him jealous since I had dealt with women flirting with him many times over in the past.

"He can't help it. I have amazing boobs," I whispered to him as he leaned in for a kiss, all the while agreeing with me with a slight chuckle. Our kiss turned heated as Edward slowly slid his hand up my side until it was cupping my breast while running his thumb over my nipple in a teasing manner that made me squirm from the sensation of his touch.

"We will finish up in here…Oh hey!" Jacob said as he walked in on us locked in an embrace. Edward slowly let me go while a smile slowly brightened his handsome face.

"Oh, hey, I am sorry; I didn't think that you were…" Jacob stammered as he looked from me back to Edward, who still had me locked in an embrace, but at least had the decency to remove his hand from my boob.

"No worries, man. We were just, you know," Edward said with a wicked smile as I felt myself go red. I looked up at Edward, who gave me a sweet smile and I knew then that he knew that Jacob was still there when I had pulled him in for a kiss.

We stood there and tried to have a conversation with Jacob concerning the changes in the master bedroom while Jacob refused to look at us. It was awkward and rushed. When Jacob turned to leave, this time however, he announced that he was leaving our property, which caused Edward to snicker.

"I guess he won't listen to our conversations again," Edward said with an evil snicker as we watched Jacob pack up and leave us alone.

"He wasn't listening to us," I replied back to him with a scowl as he laughed at me.

"Yes, he was, but that's fine since he now knows that he doesn't stand a chance with you," Edward said with a grin as he watched me scowl at him.

"He knows I am engaged, Edward," I replied back with a sarcastic tone that made him laugh once more.

"Yeah, well, that doesn't mean that he believes it," he said as he pulled me tighter against him before leaning down to kiss my exposed neck. His kisses melted my anger as I leaned into him and allowed this form of apology to sweep me away.

We would spend some nights after checking up on our property at Esme's house, which always made her extremely happy since in the recent past we had avoided them like the plague. She was trying harder to show that she supported us and so in returned we tried harder to show her that we cared for her as well. Carlisle on the other hand, was harder to deal with, but as time passed he seemed to warm up to the idea of our marriage since he stopped making comments about it at least.

The nights we were not back in Forks we would spend together in our apartment, sometimes alone, sometimes with Char and Riley. It shocked me that they were still together, but Edward said that it made perfectly good sense to him. He would explain that they both were insane and who else would want them. I knew he was saying those things to tease Char since she would always hit him when it said it, I could tell by Riley's smile at Char that it had be partially true.

The months passed and as they did the wedding loomed closer. We made it through Esme's Christmas party and a loud, drunken New Years with Char and Riley. We took classes and studied. We plotted and planned for a wedding that was now taking on a life of its own, much to my dismay.

I would complain to Edward that we just should have eloped, but he would always remind me that he dreamed of seeing me in a wedding a dress walking towards him. I would roll my eyes at him and he would laugh at me like he always does.

"Bella, baby, you know that you want the wedding like this, so don't say it's just me," he would whisper in my ear every time I would get irritated while tasting cake or looking at flowers. He was right; of course, I did want the larger wedding. I wanted the world to know that it had not beaten us. I wanted everyone who had ever doubted us to see that we were still together, still strong and we would be legally bound together. It was stupid, but I wanted it and so did he so we would plow through the wedding plans knowing that there was a prize at the end of it all and that prize was our future together.

The wedding was set for June twenty seventh and in the month of May our house was complete. Everything was in order and the future was bright for change, but there were times I could see sadness pass over Edward's face. When I would ask him about it he would only pull me close in an embrace that would leave me breathless. I later found out that he contacted my mother concerning coming to our wedding and she declined. I was not surprised, but Edward was for some reason.

He truly believed that my mom would want to be there for our wedding. He truly thought that she would change her mind, but I knew better. I wasn't part of world. She had walked out on me and my dad without a look back at us so why would she suddenly care now. She was going take me in after dad died, not because I was her daughter, but because I was a paycheck to her. She didn't belong at our wedding and I was glad that she refused to attend.

Her refusal to attend did not stop her from profiting off of our happiness though. As the wedding drew near the rag magazine were suddenly filled with storied from my mom concerning my torrid love affair with Edward. She had labeled him as the town's Lothario.

It was implied that we had been sexually active since we were fourteen and that behavior resulted in an abortion that had now left me barren. There was a list of other girls that he had juggled while we were together; of course, none of these girls even went to Forks High School or a school in the surrounding area. It was all lies and Aro promised to seek legal action against the magazine who published it as well as my mother, who was directly quoted in the story and listed as the stories main source of information.

I let the stories slide past me, but it was harder for Edward to let go of it since he felt that he had brought it all on by contacting my mom. He had, but it was no reason to be upset. I would comfort him and tell him that I knew it was all lies so who cares about the rest. It took a couple of weeks for him to agree with me.

The weeks passed and soon we found ourselves at our wedding rehearsal. It was an odd wedding party since Char was the maid of honor and yet she would be working the wedding as our photographer. We had flown in Leah and Jared from Iowa since I had asked her to be my only other bridesmaid while her brother Seth was a grooms men for Edward as well. Riley took the honor of being best man, which made me laugh once I heard that Edward had asked him to.

"He took care of you when I wasn't there Bella, how can I not ask him to be my best man?" He said to me with such a serious face that I smiled in spite of myself. He was still hung up on the time we had been apart, but to me that was all over. We were together and nothing would tear us apart now. Riley, of course, was thrilled beyond belief since it meant that he would be in the spot light and promised us an amazing best man's toast at the wedding. I shuddered at the thought of all the things that Riley could say about us that no one else would know, but Edward assured me that he would make sure that it would be fine.

The morning of the rehearsal I was curled up in bed with Edward. He was still asleep and he looked so young in his sleep, almost like the fourteen year old boy that stole my heart along with my first kiss. I traced along his jaw line softly as I felt his stubble against my skin. I wanted to rub my cheek against it.

Edward rolled closer to me, wrapping an arm over me as if I was some sort of stuff animal that he cuddled with. I loved it when he would do this since I never felt as safe as I did when he would hold me close. I snuggled closer to him and ran my hand along his shoulder and then down his back as far as I could reach, enjoying the feel of his skin against mine while his hot breath would fan over my face.

It was scary at times to look at him and realize how much of my world was wrapped up in this boy. It was hard to put everything I had in his heart, but I knew without a doubt that he would never let me down again. I pressed closer and kissed his jaw, causing him to stir against me. I could feel him hard, ready for me, in his sleep, and that only made me want him more, which was horrible teasing thing to do since Edward had a sex embargo in place until the wedding night.

My silly boy thought that by holding off on sex that it would make our wedding night more special. I thought he was insane and had told him so on many occasions in the last six weeks that have lead us to this point.

"We have gone longer than this," Edward would always tell me, reminding me of our months apart, as I would start to whine to him about the lack of sex. It was hard to go form every day to nothing over night and I was thankfully when he finally agreed that dry humping while making out would not break his embargo. We had spent the weeks leading up to our marriage making out like horny teenagers, which in a way we still were.

I was pressing closer to him, enjoying the feel of his body against mine as I reminded myself that tomorrow I would be his wife and this needless dry spell would be over.

"Good morning, baby," he whispered to me to me in a gravel voice that made my need for him increase. I pressed closer to him and listened to him snicker as I sighed in frustration before he tilted my chin up and kissed me slowly. I loved to start mornings like this, being loved slowly by my boy.

We kissed and cuddled until Char pounded on our door announcing it was time to leave for Forks. We had packed the night before and my dress was already there waiting on me so there nothing really to do except leave.

We showered and dressed together as quickly as we could while Riley went over things that he wanted to mention in his toast. He was wanted to mention how we met in the hallway of my dorm, and about the night he met a drunken Edward, who professed his love for me. He wanted to talk about his part in bringing us back together and that made me cringe a little, but Edward just took hold of my hand and gave it a squeeze telling me that Riley's toast was shaping up just fine, so let it go. That would be easier said than done and Char saw my distress over it all. She promised me to _help _Riley make the speech be amazing and I believed her.

The drive to Forks was quiet and we held hands as Edward drove while Riley and Char followed behind us.

"Nervous?" he asked me softly as he look forward at the road. It was like he was scared of my answer. I was a little nervous.

"Yeah, but not about marrying you, that is one thing in this whole mess that I am sure about," I said as I looked over at his profile. He turned to look at me, flashing me a bright smile before looking at the road once more. The rest of the ride was spent in comfortable silence until we pulled up in front of our little home. There were trucks and cars parked everywhere and it just seemed to buzz with life.

I looked over at Edward, who was watching me as another truck pulled up. They were delivering the dance floor that was being set up. There were also tents in place in case of rain. It was overwhelming and I felt a moment of panic until I felt Edward's hand in mine.

We walked up the path to our house hand in hand while Riley carried char caveman style to the door. It had been decided that Riley would stay with me here tonight while Edward went back to his parent's house for our last night as single people. It really was Esme's insistence that she wanted Edward home for one last night and me as well. I was just the one who passed on the offer. It was Edward's time with his family and I would not intrude on that even if he wanted me to.

He put my bag in our room and avoided looking at the large garment bag that contained my wedding dress as he did, even though I knew he wanted to see it. Edward was funny that way. He actually didn't mind the wedding planning. To him, it was just another step closer to being together.

I pulled him into a hug as he stood there looking at me with wide green eyes. We had opted to spend our first night as man and wife here, in our own home instead of going back to Seattle. It was the one thing that we could truly agree upon since during most of the wedding planning I would spend my time asking him why we couldn't just go to Vegas and elope.

"Are you sure that you don't want to stay at my parents' house tonight?" he asked me as I pressed a kiss into a chest. He worried about me being alone. I nodded yes. I was sure and mind was set, there would be no turning back now.

We slowly left the room together and met up with Char who was on the phone already while Riley sat upon our couch with his eyes closed in frustration. It was then that we were told that Emmett and Veronica had made it back to Forks for our wedding. We did not think that they would come, but Veronica had insisted. Edward thought it was because of all the press loitering around that she wanted to be here. She had high hopes of being photographed during our wedding.

"That was Leah. She is back and staying at her dad's house. She will meet up with us at the rehearsal," Char said with a smile that calmed me a bit since I was worried that Leah would not make it somehow. It was dumb fear, but one I had all the same.

The day passed and as it did. We over saw the tent go up and the area that would be our wedding site. We watched as the florist arrived and laid the ground work for all the flowers that would come tomorrow morning. We watched workers set up chairs and then tables in the reception area. We watched as what was the mechanics of our wedding come together. It was exciting and nerve wracking since the more activity the more real it became for me, until it was time to get dressed for the rehearsal.

Edward stayed with me as we dressed for the rehearsal. He was watching me closely, waiting to see if I was ok, and I was for the most part. I was fine with marrying him. I wanted to marry him, to be his wife; it was just the process that bothered me. I wanted intimacy and people who loved us there, what I was getting instead were the whole town of Forks in attendance. He kept trying to tell me that this was the towns' way of showing their love, but I knew that a lot of people were coming for the sake of gossip.

Once I was dressed in my dark blue sun dress that made Edward weak I turned to him announcing that I was ready to go. Edward took hold of my hand and kissed the ring he had put on my finger before turning to walk us out to practice what would be our wedding.

**AN:**

**Sorry this took so long. I promise that I will wrap this story up by Jan 1, 2011 so not much longer. The next chapter will be the rehearsal and wedding. I am not sure if I will break those chapters up or not at this time. I am still planning on an Emmett POV, but that will happen after I close this story out.**

**Thanks once more to all who have taken a chance and read this story this far!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	78. The rehearsal

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

We walked out of the house and started on the path to our meadow. Edward held my hand and whispered calming words as we approached what looked like a tent city in the middle of our meadow. This was not what I wanted. I had wanted to open and wide so I could see the trees that first witnessed our blossoming love when we would come here as fourteen year olds. I scanned the crowd for Esme since she had promised no tents, unless it was raining.

I found her quickly. She was talking with reverend Webber, the man who would be officiating our wedding. Our eyes met and she smiled. She looked happy as she looked over at me, but she had seen my displeasure. I watched as she finished up her conversation and then Reverend Webber led everyone into the ceremony area, everyone except Esme, Edward and I.

"You promised," I said simply as I motioned towards the large white tent that was in front of us. I could hear Edward's sigh as he tightened his hold on my hand. I knew he wanted no tents also.

"Bella, as long as it doesn't rain the tents will be gone tomorrow. They needed to be in place, just in case it rains over night to protect the chairs and the metal archway for the florist," Esme explained as I felt then tension leave me a little just as Edward sighed in relief once more.

"If it does rain, then tents stay, but look at them ok? They have windows. You will be able to see the meadow, just like you wanted," she said with a reassuring smile that calmed me even further. She then motioned us into the tent while walking ahead of us. Edward and I lingered back while walking slowly. I looked over at him and found him watching me as always.

"Have I told you that you look beautiful tonight?" he asked me as he tugged on my hand in his with a soft smile that melted my heart as we walked. I shook my head no and he stopped us just before entering the tent. I sighed as he wrapped me up in his arms while leaning down to whisper in my ear how beautiful he thought I looked, causing me to smile like a fool I was.

I could hear Esme calling for us and so we slowly pulled apart to enter the tent. As we walked in I immediately saw Emmett and his wife seated in the back. Carlisle was there also, holding their son. He looked happy as he waved to us and for that I was thankful. Emmett, on the other hand, looked anything except happy. He looked tired and miserable. I felt the old pang of sadness pass over me while I looked at him, but it was quickly replaced with delight as Leah came barreling at me in full speed with a loud squeal of delight. We had not seen each other in person in months. Our conversations had been limited to skyping and text messages sent back and forth. I had missed her.

Leah hugged me tightly, causing Edward to let go of my hand.

"You will get her back, I promise," she teased him as he stood there waiting for me instead of walking towards the front where the ceremony will take place. I looked over at Edward and he just smiled and shook his head. Leah whispered how wonderful I looked and then turned me back over to Edward so we could go up front.

Reverend Webber ran the rehearsal like a drill sergeant. He was demanding and had us redoing things until he was sure that it was correct. It wasn't that bad until he realized that I would be walking down the aisle by myself.

"You have no one to give you away?" Reverend Webber asked me in an unbelieving tone that pissed me off a little.

"No. My father is dead and really, I am a grown woman, I don't need someone to give me away so I think you should get over that," I replied back with an edge in my voice that caused everyone to snicker at my tone.

After that minor bump in the rehearsal things continued on as planned. Reverend Webber had us all walking down the aisle and back up it time and again. When he was satisfied that we knew what we were doing he left us alone and went on to terrorize the organist as well as the soloist that was hired to perform at our wedding.

"See, that wasn't so bad," Edward said to me as he pulled me close before sitting us down on a chair to wait to be dismissed from our own rehearsal. We laughed as Char snapped pictures of everyone while Riley tried to avoid her and her camera. It was comfortable and I was at peace with it all.

Finally, the good reverend dismissed us and we all left back towards our house. We were going into town for our rehearsal dinner. We had rented out the dinner and they were waiting on us with a meal consisting of steak and mashed potatoes with homemade dinner roll and salad, followed with apple pie and ice cream. It had been my favorite meal at the dinner that was why I had chosen it.

When we arrived I walked in and was awed by the beauty that the diner was transformed into. Each table had a small cluster of lilies on it with a lit candle. The lights were dimmed and it just looked amazingly romantic for being a diner. I looked over at the two older women who were the waitresses here for as long as I could remember and they looked beyond pleased with themselves as they watched my expression of delight as we walked in.

I sat by Edward and soon people filed in to join us. All our friends and what were left of our family was there. James brought Emily along. It looked like they were getting serious I pointed this out to Edward who agreed with me.

The food was fantastic and the diner was filled with laughter and love. It seemed to glow from all the people whom I cared for and that made my heart happy beyond belief.

The night ended with hugs and kisses from everyone, including Carlisle, while Emmett continued to keep his distance thankfully. Esme walked us out to Edward's car while making sure that he was coming back to her house and once more telling me that I needed to come home as well. It was a nice offer, but I passed on it once more.

Edward helped me in the car and we left. The light was starting to fade as he took the road out of town and I did not need to ask where we were going. I knew. We were going to the cemetery to visit my dad.

"I think that he would happy about the house," I said softly to Edward as he drove slowly through the gates of the cemetery.

"Oh, yeah, he would. He would have loved having you back in Forks, even if it was only part time," Edward agreed as he drove to the spot where my father was laid to rest.

He stopped the car and we got out to walk up to the head the stone. Edward took hold of my hand as we walked just like he always did. It was comforting and I needed that at the moment.

We stopped once we reached his head stone and then we just stood there so I could have my conversation with my dad. I silently told him about everything. I mentioned the remodel, the second book, the park that was being names in his honor and of course the wedding. I told him that I would be fine and not alone since I had Edward. I told him that I knew he would be with me the next day, even though I was still sad that he missed it in his human life.

My conversation seemed to go on with him until there was nothing more to say except good bye before thanking him for watching over Edward and me. Once I was done I squeezed Edward's hand and he turned to me with an unsure in his eyes that he always gets when we come here.

"You ok?" he whispered to me as if he thought the normal tone of his voice would be too much right now. He always worried after visiting dad's grave.

"I am fine," I offered back as we walked to his car. We left without another look back and returned to our little house where Riley and Char were waiting for me.

"Are you sure you don't want to come home with me?" Edward asked me as he opened my car door for me to get out so I could go inside our home without him. I wanted to laugh at him since I think he was more nervous about us being apart than what I was.

"Yes. It will be fine; just don't fight with Emmett, please?" I asked him as he rolled his eyes at me, which made me laugh at him. Edward ignored my laughter while pulling me close so I was wrapped around him in a loose hug.

"It's hard, you know, to see Devin and not think of what could have been," Edward said as he looked away from me with sad eyes that made my heart clench tightly in my chest. Devin was Emmett's son, who looked like a carbon copy of Emmett with his dark hair and bright blue eyes. He would be one in the fall.

I knew exactly what Edward was saying it was hard to look at the child and not think about the child we lost. I still wondered if it would have been a boy or a girl. I still wondered if he would have had Edward's green eyes or my brown. I tried not to think of it most days, knowing that what happened happened for a reason and it was for the best, but it was hard when Devin was around.

I hated seeing Edward upset so I offered the only comfort I could in this situation and that was by cupping his face so that he leaned down for a kiss. Edward's sighed against my lips as we kissed and then slowly deepened it as our tongues tangled against each other in a teasing fashion.

He broke our kiss just as I was about to push him back to kiss him until he could not breathe. I looked into his green eyes and I could see all his want and fire burning inside of him as well while I took comfort in the fact that this 'no sex' deal that he created was getting to him as well.

Riley stepped out of the house as we stood there, trying to get some composure.

"Are you staying with us or going back with Edward?" he called to me as I felt Edward tighten his hold on me, almost willing me to choose him. I looked up into his eyes and smiled.

"Yeah, I'll be right in," I called back while Edward scowled at me. I knew he hoped that I would change my mind, but I hadn't.

"Good night Edward," Riley called as he walked back into the house without another glance at us, giving us a moment to say good night.

"I will see you in just a few hours," I said to him with a smile as I stepped back a little, but not enough to untangle myself from his arms. Edward smiled at me, but I could still see his irritation over the fact that I was not leaving with him.

"I love you," I whispered to him as I suddenly stepped closer to him once more before pressing my lips to his chin for a chaste kiss.

"I love you, too," he whispered back and then captured my lips with his for another heated kiss that resulted with me being pressed into his car while I held him tight against me. I am not sure how long we continued to kiss, but when Riley started to flash the porch light on and off like a nervous father altering us that it was time for me to go in, we broke the kiss with laughter.

"I will call you later," Edward whispered one last time and then pressed a kiss to my lips before leaving me by the door while he got in the car to drive away. I waved at him and then watched him go while Riley waited for me on the other side of the door.

"Come here girl," he said as he motioned for me to come over for a hug. Riley's arms were held open and he was motion for me to hurry with his hands. It looked awkward and instead of going over for a hug I laughed at him.

"Come one Bella, I know that you will miss you boy tonight and I thought that you would need a hug," he offered with a sincere look that took me back a little. Riley was never sincere. He liked to laugh and tease so seeing him be serious was different.

I walked over and gave in to his hug. I almost sighed as he wrapped me up in his arms in a comforting manner. It was nice and we continued to hug him even as Char walked in on us with laughter while saying _aw._

"You better now?" Riley asked me as he held me close. I was better and with that I let go of him while stepping back away from him.

"Now that we go that out of the way, what do you say to a friendly game of cards?" Riley asked with an evil glint in his eye that made me smile. We played cards all the time, typically for money, not always. I think Riley aspired to be some sort of poker champion since he always talked about going to Vegas to play.

The night went on and we played for hours until it was after midnight before calling it quits for the night. I watched as they went off to our spare bedroom while I entered the master bedroom alone.

I changed into one of Edward's t-shirts and a pair of his old boxers to sleep in, just like I always did. I moved towards the bed and crawled in with a smile as I thought about how in twenty four hours I would be in here with Edward.

I laid there for I am not sure how long, unable to sleep. The bed felt too big without Edward there to take up all the space. The room felt foreign and still smelled of paint. It all seemed off without him here. I glanced over at the clock and discovered that I it was after two in the morning.

I decided to get up, even though I was not sure what I needed to do at this ungodly hour. I walked out of the bedroom and went to the kitchen. I wondered if Edward was asleep. If he had been here I would have just curled up closer to him and listened to his breathing until I fell back asleep. I would have let his warmth lure me back to sleep, like it always did, but Edward wasn't here.

I looked out the kitchen window and could see the tents in our meadow, taunting me, reminding me that tomorrow was the wedding. All of this planning had come down to this and there was the proof shining like a beacon in the meadow. I slipped on a pair of flip flops and headed out the door to go to the tents.

The night was quite and calm as I slipped out into the darkness. My first thought was always of how my father never told me to go out into the woods at dark. He would remind me that there were dangerous things in the woods and in the dark I was more vulnerable to all of them since they could see me and I could not see them. His old warned should have been enough to cause me to turn around, but it wasn't. I continued to walk.

Once at the tents I entered the one where our ceremony would take place. In the moonlight I could see everything almost perfectly. There were empty wire arches where flowers would be in just a few hours. There were rows and rows of chairs where all our guests would sit. I walked slowly up the aisle, thinking of how I would be making this trip in a few hours and then stopped once I reached the end.

I turned to look at where Carlisle and Esme would sit as parents of the groom. The chairs were marked, saved for them, just in case some local idiot forgot wedding etiquette and tried to sit there so they could have a better view of the wedding. I looked over at my side of the seating and discovered nothing was marked, nothing was saved. It was at the moment that it hit me. I had no family. I had no one who would be at my wedding that was there for me alone. I feeling of being all alone hit me like a ton of bricks settling on my chest.

I stumbled over and sat down where my mother and father should have been seated. I sat down with a thud as I thought about how it was really just me out there in the world. Edward had me, but he also had his mom and dad that would do anything for him, while me, on the other hand was alone.

I let the feeling of despair and loneliness settle over me for a moment as I sat there. My mind drifted back to my mom. This empty row of chairs was why Edward was so upset that she was not coming. He knew that eventually it would hit me that there was no family here for me at our wedding and he was trying to spare me from feeling like that. I shook my head in silence at the boy who was always trying to save me, even if it meant saving me from myself.

I let out a loud sigh and stood up to leave. I needed to get out of here. I knew I would have to face that empty row later today, but for now I needed to leave. I turned and as I did I saw the figure of a man standing in the shadows watching me. I could not see his face and instantly fear shot through me like a bullet from a gun. All of dad's warnings went through my head like a warning bell as I stood there motionless and the man stepped forward towards me.

I knew I should run, but I was frozen in place as he approached me. The clouds shifted as the man walked closer and suddenly moonlight filled the tent from the windows that Esme was so thoughtful to make sure were in place. I watched as the light revealed that it was Edward was slowly stalking towards me in the dark.

I started to laugh in a loud, awkward manner as relief coursed through my veins from knowing that it was my husband to be, not some serial killer that had slipped into the tent to drag me off into the woods for my demise. I watched his face slowly smile, as if he was not sure why I was laughing like a crazy person.

"You scared me!" I exclaimed as he got closer and then finally he was in front of me with a smile on his handsome face.

"I'm sorry," he managed to say as he pulled me close to him in a warm hug. My body instantly reacted, sagging into his with all the exhaustion that I now felt being wrapped around him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him with amsile as I pressed a kiss to his chest as he buried his nose in my hair like he always did.

"I could ask you the same thing, you know," he replied with a smile in his voice that made me smile even bigger.

"I couldn't sleep," I said with a shrug. Edward stepped back just a little so he could look at my face better.

"Cold feet?" he asked me with a teasing grin, but I knew him well enough to know that he was legitimately scared that I would suddenly back out, especially knowing how I felt about the amount of guests that would be here to witness our union.

"My feet are warm and toasty. What about yours?" I asked him as I wrapped my arms around his middle to hold him to me.

"I have been waiting to marry you since I was ten years old," he replied with a grin that made me laugh out loud.

"You are so full of shit!" I exclaimed with laughter as Edward gave me a mock look of hurt.

"I have too!" he exclaimed back at me as he tickled my sides a little causing me to squirm against him.

"I knew that first day when I came into the advanced English class and you looked up at me with your big brown eyes that I had to marry you," he told me with a seriousness that made me snicker at him.

"Really? What was it was sold you on me? Was it my braids? Or maybe it was the cool lunch box I had back then?" I teased as I pinched his side so he would stop tickling me.

"No, although I liked the braids, they were cute. It was your eyes. They were so warm and I just got lost in them. You looked up at me as I stood in front of the class like an idiot and then you smiled. That was it for me, I was done for," he said with a soft smile before leaning down to kiss me softly as I sighed in delight against his lips.

We stood there for a moment kissing as the warmth of Edward's love settled over me like a blanket. It was comforting and exciting all at once. It was exactly what I needed at the moment.

"Why are you out here?" he whispered against my lips in between kisses that were making me dizzy with want. When he would kiss me like that I could not even begin to form a coherent thought so there was no way for me not to tell him the truth since he would just pull it from me like this.

Edward slowly pulled away from me, leaving me dizzy and full of want, but he was waiting for my answer, I knew it.

"I couldn't sleep," I confessed in a breathless tone as he cupped my face in his hands and then kissed me again, slowly.

"Why?" he asked as he pulled away from me once more in a teasing fashion that was irritating.

"The room smelled like paint and there was suddenly too much bed without you there to take all the room," I teased as I pressed closer to him with a smile.

"Why are you out here?" I asked him as I peppered his jaw line with kiss after kiss.

"Came here to find you since I could not sleep without you whispering nonsense to me," he teased and then moved to kiss me once more. Edward loved to tease me about talking in my sleep. I was told that he had held great conversations with me in my sleep, none of this I believed.

We stood there for moment, silent, just the sound of our breaths filling the air. It was nice and it suddenly reminded me the reason why I was marrying him in the first place, and that was because I could not be without him. Apparently he could not be without me either and the thought of that made me giddy.

"So, you came all the way out to the tent to find me," I asked him as he smiled at me in a teasing manner.

"Well, I actually went to the house. My plan was to either convince you to come home with me or if you were sleeping to crawl into bed with you, just like old times," he said with a slight laugh that he used to mask his embarrassment. I guess he was just as embarrassed by his neediness as what I was.

"When I got here, I saw you walk out to the tent so I followed you, which leads me my question for you. What in the world has you so sad?" he asked me as if he could not understand why I was feeling sorry for myself. I could feel my blush rising as I tried to look away from his all knowing green eyes.

"I was just thinking about how no one will sit here tomorrow," I said as I let go of him long enough to motion to empty row of seats behind us where my family should be at. Edward looked towards the seats and shook his head.

"There will be people sitting there today, Bella," he said softly as if he was talking to a child.

"Not my family," I whispered back, trying to avoid his eyes, so he would not see the sadness that seemed to come out of nowhere once more and threatened to take over my emotions completely.

"James is your family. The Blacks, even that asshole Jacob, is your family," he replied while trying to look in my eyes, but I refused to meet his gaze.

"No they are not," I whispered back in a choked sounding voice since I was on the verge of tears once more.

"Your friends are the family that you choose," he said to me softly and then kissed my cheek. His words made me laugh. While it was true that your friends are the family that you choose I had to laugh since it just sounded so staged to me.

"What?" he demanded as he tipped my chin up so he could look in my eyes completely and this time I let him. I let him see the tears that had formed as well as the laughter there.

"You sound like a greeting card," I replied back to him with a laugh that caused him to roll his eyes at me.

"I don't have a family, Edward," I whispered to him. Letting him know the heart of the issue like he wanted.

"Yes, you do. You have me," he replied back with such confidence. It was true I had Edward and in reality I did not need anything more. We remained silent for a moment as I thought about the man that held me there and his promises to be mine forever.

"I want a large family," I whispered to him causing him to chuckle at me and nod his head in agreement.

"Sounds wonderful. What? Four or five kids?" he asked me in a teasing voice that made me giggle a little as well.

"What if I want twenty kids like that crazy, weird family on cable and we name them all names that start with the letter E like your name," I teased. Knowing how much he hated that family and how fake he thought they were. He laughed out loud as I told him how we could home school and start some weird family band so we could travel the country performing at hillbilly county fairs.

"Whatever you want Bella. I want whatever you want," Edward laughed at me and just like that I was better. I knew that it would be fine.

Edward talked me into coming home with him since the Cullen house was my home as well. We walked back to his house hand in hand just like we used to when we were children. Once inside He carried me piggyback style up to his room and tossed me on the bed in a playful manner.

We curled up together, wrapped in each other's arms and drifted off to sleep, knowing that tomorrow would be here soon and that tomorrow started our forever.

**AN:**

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**Thanks once again for reading! I love you all! I am hoping to have the last chapter up later today if I can keep my husband from playing on the internet.**

**Take care,**

**Lori **


	79. The wedding pt 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I would like to own Rob Pattinson though. I know, I know, human trafficking is illegal and don't get me started as to what I really think about it, but I am not moralistically opposed to renting him for a couple of hours : )

I slowly awoke to the sound of voices that I knew. Voices that did not belong in my bedroom.

"You know Esme said they were like this even when they were 10," I heard Char say in whisper that wasn't really a whisper. It was loud and annoying.

"Yeah, well I bet at ten he wasn't grinding his morning wood into her ass like he is now," Riley snorted and with that I opened my eyes. I was surprised to find myself as well as them in Edward's bedroom back at his parents' house until I remembered that I left with him last night from the meadow.

'Good morning sunshine," I heard Char call to me while I focused on Riley, who was making faces at me while I laid there motionless. I opened my mouth to speak, but could not as I felt Edward wrap his arms around me and pull me tight against his body so we were pressed together, chest to back. I could feel him hard and ready against my back. For a fleeting moment I thought about ignoring the fact that Char and Riley were in the room so that I could make love to Edward. It was our wedding day after all so maybe he would say that it would count as waiting.

I was contemplating the idea when I felt Edward's warm lips against the skin of my neck causing me to smile brightly.

"Good morning," he whispered and I could hear the smile in his voice. Yes, he was happy today. I sighed as I melted into his arms as he continued to slowly kiss the space behind my ear.

I felt him loosen his hold on me so I could turn to face him better. Edward's hair was standing almost on end and his face slightly scruffy from not having his morning shave just yet, but it was his eyes that caused me to smile. They were shining, bright green and vivid as he looked at me. I could almost feel all the love that he had shining through to me there. It warmed my soul as a slow smile crept over his face. He looked so happy and I was over the moon happy knowing that it was because of me that he glowed the way he did.

We smiled at each other sleepily until he leaned closer to give me a chaste morning kiss that made my blood race in my veins. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him closer as he sighed into my neck.

"You need to get up if you want to ever make it to the wedding in time," Char said as she kicked the bed, causing us to jump in surprise.

"We have plenty of time, now get out of here," Edward said with a smile just for me. It was a teasing smile that told me that he wanted me and my attention. I rejoiced inside as I knew that Edward was going to cave on this no sex before marriage promise that he had made to himself since I certainly never agreed to it.

"Come on Char, let's leave them alone," I heard Riley say as Edward tangled his legs with mine to pull me closer to him as his teasing smile grew wider.

"No way I am not going out there with the ice queen," Char said as Riley snorted in laughter.

The Ice queen was the name Char had given Veronica, Emmett's wife and if truth be told, it was fitting. Veronica was harsh, and cold to everyone, especially Emmett.

"Did you hear them this morning? They were screaming at each other," Char said with a tired sigh that surprised me. I knew that in some ways she felt bad for Emmett, but I didn't. He had done this to himself.

Edward continued to ignore her as he started to kiss a long my neck once more. I felt myself melting under his touch as his mouth slowly worked a circuit back up to my lips.

"Get out," Edward said to Riley and Char against my skin as I laughed at him. I wanted them gone too.

After a moment of Riley pleading with Char to give us a moment she finally relented.

"You have ten minutes, so make it count Cullen since after that you won't see her until the ceremony," Char said with an evil tone that made me cringe a little. I had no idea what she had planned for the rest of the day, but I wasn't interested unless Edward would be there too.

I listened as they left alone and closed the door to give us some privacy, but never looked away from Edward's bright green eyes. They held mine in the hypnotic fashion that I was used to when it came to Edward.

I watched as he glanced over my shoulder for a moment.

"We have about six hours before the wedding," he whispered to me with a light in his eyes that sparkled. My head was spinning over the idea that in six hours I would be married to this man. I could not form words so I only nodded instead.

"Are you happy?' he asked me simply as he rubbed his hand along my spine while holding me close.

"Yes," I replied back simply. It was the truth. I was happy and beside myself with the idea of finally marrying this boy.

"Good," he replied and then leaned down to kiss me. This kiss was soft, and full of desire. It left me breathless as he pulled away in a teasing manner to kiss long my neck once more.

It took a moment for my thought to be come focused enough to speak as I felt him kiss and nip along my skin causing me to press against him suggestively.

"Are you happy?" I managed to ask him, as I tugged on his thick hair, urging him on his quest to kiss me senseless. I felt him stop and then chuckle against my skin before answering me. He pulled back away from me so he could look at me as he spoke.

"I have never wanted anything more than you, so yeah, I am happy," he replied with a big smile and then kissed me once more. He rolled me on my back so that way he could settle in between my legs pressed into me as he rested against my hips. I loved holding him like this, with his chest pressed into mine, breathing the same air, being one person instead of two.

We spent out ten minutes kissing and teasing. We both whispered soft promises of what the night would hold for other as we pressed and rubbed against each other, knowing what the other one liked as the air around us charged with electricity. I loved the feel of his hard body on top of mine, weighing me down while loving me.

"You have two minutes!" Char yelled as she pounded on the door causing us both to jump at the noise and intrusion of it. Edward had shot his head up from my breast that he was kissing almost bumping me on the chin as the pounding started.

"Go away!" he yelled and then went back to sucking at my breast while I twisted and panted beneath him. I felt his hand slip between my legs and slowly stroke me over the top of my panties causing me to moan at the torture of his teasing touch. I wanted him to pull them aside and touch me, really touch me. I wanted to feel him inside of me since it had been too long, but as I felt his retreating hand as the door swung open I knew that would not happen now.

"Stop screwing around, it's time to go!" Char yelled as Edward moved quickly to cover me up quickly, as if matter that Char saw me topless.

I looked over Edward's shoulder; giving Char a pleading look as I held him to me. She knew I hated leaving him. She knew that there was no one waiting for me and that the damn wedding would not start without us so what did it matter if her time schedule was off? After a moment of silent glaring while Edward refused to move off me and instead continued to kiss me or breathe against my skin in effort to calm down, Char relented and left stating that we had five minutes and not a minute more, Edward turned just enough to laugh at her while she gave him the finger as a response to his laughter.

"Edward," I whispered as I held him close, enjoying the hum of electricity that skimmed across my skin whenever we would touch.

"Hmmm" he answered in a slight whisper as he trailed one hand up my side, pulling at my shirt so my skin was exposed to his touch.

"Will you marry me?" I asked him teasingly as I ran a hand through his hair, causing him to shudder under my touch. He moved just enough so that he was looking at me and then smiled a brilliant smile that melted my heart as he laughed a little.

"Yes, in about six hours I will marry you," he whispered and then kissed me once more before the pounding on the door started once more.

"It has not been five minutes!" Edward yelled as he turned away from me so he was no yelling in my face.

"Well, that is too bad son, your mom wants you both down stairs for breakfast," Carlisle called as I froze underneath Edward in surprise at the sound of his voice. I think that was the first time I had heard Carlisle speak without tension in his voice for weeks now.

Slowly Edward rolled off me, we both climbed out of bed and I snickered as he adjusted himself in his sleep pants that he pulled on while reminding him that he could have had that situation taken care of for him if he wasn't so stubborn about his rules. Edward rolled his eyes at me and told me I could take of the situation tonight for him once he had a ring on my finger. He followed it up with a quick smack to my ass before we both walked out of his room hand in hand.

We were barely in the hall way when Veronica emerged with a sweet smile on her face.

"Well, isn't there some sort of rule about seeing the bride before the wedding is bad luck?" she asked us teasingly, while trying to make small talk.

"I am not worried, are you?" Edward asked me with a smile as he tugged on my hand a little in a playful manner that made me giggle. I shook my head no and we continued down the stairs with Veronica following us.

She was an odd one, but then again, it must be odd to show up at a boy's family practically unannounced and be pregnant by him. That would be a tough road, especially in this family were Carlisle forgives nothing.

Once down stairs Esme came over and hugged us both. She whispered that she was glad that I had changed my mind about staying here last night and then slipped a glass of mimosa in my hand that I started to drink greedily.

The breakfast went fast and as it did I never let go of Edward's hand. I needed to be connected to him to keep all the nerves at bay so when it was time to part ways to get dressed it hurt.

"I will see you in just a little bit," he said as he pulled me close. The mimosas had made us both relaxed and kind of loopy from their effects.

I leaned up and kissed him soundly before stepping away, knowing that if I did not do it now I would not do it at all. After one last kiss Char pushed me in her car and we left to go back to my house, all the while Edward stood out in his driveway, watching us leave.

The morning passed slowly as I was forced to get dressed. The only few things that made it manageable was Esme's mimosa that continued to flow as it turned afternoon and text messages from Edward. He would tell me what I was missing by not being with him. It was nice since I still felt him close to me.

Char would float around snapping pictures as we dressed and then she would leave to take picture of Edward as well. Finally at an hour before the wedding we did all the formal pictures we could without Edward and me together since he wanted to wait to see me in my dress as I walked towards him. It was important to him and so no pictures it was.

The dress I chose was a simple one, but one that was elegant. It was a v-necked white gown that dipped in the front and was snug around my waist to show off my curves. It was satin and no lace to make it filly or little girl like. I loved the simplistic of it and Char thought it made me look glamorous in an old Hollywood style. To me it was fitting for a wedding in the middle of a meadow.

I would wear my hair up in a loose bun and have a veil attached that would flow behind me. The veil had crystals in it causing it to sparkle in the light. I could not wait to wear it.

Leah helped me dress while Esme stood back with tears, telling how beautiful I looked and for the first time in my life I felt beautiful as well. Char took picture after picture and then disappeared to take some more of Edward. When she came back she told me how Edward begged her to know how I was doing and that made me smile while some makeup artist made up my face.

The time was flying and soon it was time for the wedding. I stood up to leave the house to go out to where the wedding would take place while the others walked ahead of me. Esme had gone ahead to see Edward and make sure he was holding up ok. Once I was outside I was greeted by Riley who met me with a smile.

"Jesus, Bella, you look amazing," he said with a grin that made me blush. My blushing only made him laugh at me.

"Edward is just going to…" he said and then trailed off with a whistle, causing my face to go even redder as I pushed at him to move.

"Get your mind out of gutter!" I exclaimed playfully as I shoved him once more causing him to laugh once more.

"No way. And yes, Edward is just going to go fucking crazy seeing you like this," he snickered as he shoved me back just a little. Yes, the last couple of weeks of no sex was rough, but it was Edward's idea not mine.

"Anyway, he wanted to make sure that you had this and Char would not let him give it you himself, so he sent me," Riley explained as he held out his hand to me. He was holding an object and once I took a better look as I reached for it I discovered that it was my dad's police badge.

I took it from riley as I felt tears starting to form in my eyes while I tried to blink them back as quickly as they formed.

"I am sorry Bella. I wouldn't have…" Riley said as he seemed to panic in front of me. I silenced him by stepping forward and launching myself at him. I wrapped my arms around his middle and hugged him tightly in thanks.

Edward always thought of everything and let it to him to remember my dad's badge. He knew that I would want it with me on this day as a physical piece of the man that I knew was here celebrating with us in spirit. I needed to go to Edward and thank him. I needed to find him and kiss him silly in gratitude for his remembering me. I needed Edward.

Riley steadied me as I tried to move away from in order to get to Edward.

"Easy Bella, the wedding is about to start and I have to go back to Edward, but you will be with him in about five minutes. Can you hold on until then?" he asked me with an uncertain voice that surprised me until I remembered that Riley never did well with crying females. I wiped at my eyes and then asked him if I had wrecked my makeup. Char had the makeup artist check me over before Riley had a chance to respond. I sent him back to Edward with a smile as he watched me get more lip gloss coated on before my walk up the aisle.

I took a calming breath as I squeezed the badge in my hands. I could almost feel my dad's presence as walked closer to what would be the ceremony area. Esme was true to her word since it was not raining the tents were down. I could see them ready to go at a moment's notice as well as the men who would put them in place, but for now I was getting my wish of a tent free wedding.

We reached the back to ceremony area and I smiled as some late comers arrived and slipped into the back rows. I had no idea who these people were and by the way they were gawking at me and then finally snapped a picture with this cell phone camera I am pretty sure they didn't know me personally either.

I waited back there with Leah and Char who was running around like a crazy person, taking pictures and calling out orders. Esme suddenly appeared at my side with Carlisle behind her looking very nervous.

"Well, darling, the music is starting and once it does I will be seated," she said to me, but it seemed more like she was talking to herself. I nodded my head and then she gave me a quick hug before starting up the aisle by herself. It was then that I actually looked up the aisle and found Edward.

He was standing at the end of the aisle, looking nervous as I watched his green eyes scan over the crowd of people that had come to witness our union. Even from a distance he looked so heartbreakingly handsome in his black tuxedo with a black tie. The cut of the jacket brought out the width of his of shoulders and the sun that was making a rare appearance for our wedding made his hair look redder that brown as the highlights shown through.

I watched him with smile and then suddenly it was like he must have felt my eyes upon him since he stopped scanning the crowd with a jerk and turned to meet my gaze. I watched with a laugh as his green eyes widened for a moment as he looked at me from the distance between us and then a soft smile settled over his face. I knew that smile. I would know it anywhere. It was the smile he reserved just for me.

I don't remember watching Leah or Char walk up the grass covered aisle in lavender dress that matched the flowers in the field around us. I don't recall the sound of the string quartet playing or the sound of the large crowd that had gather in our most private place to watch us become man and wife. I only remember how Edward looked at me. I remember how it felt like I could feel him breathing me in. I remember how it took everything I had as well as the steady hand of Pastor Webber's wife holding me back from sprinting up the aisle to be at his side.

"Ok, sweetie, it's time," Mrs. Webber said from behind me as she slowly let go of my arm. I watched as the smile on Edward's face grew wider as I took my first step, but then I was stopped by another hand upon my arm. It was this touch that pulled me from my Edward induced haze. I turned with an irritated huff to see who was stopped me from walking up the aisle to meet the boy that was waiting for me there and was shocked to find Carlisle beside me, looking guilty as well as nervous.

"Bella, would you like for me to walk you down the aisle," he offered with sincere tone and a kind look that surprised me since Carlisle was the last person that was supportive of this union.

I looked at him for a moment as I thought about his offer. He had always been a father figure to me, but now I am sure if his help was really there to help me or just push me in another direction away from his son.

I gave a quick look up the aisle to Edward. I could see the anger traced with fear on his face. I could only imagine what he was must be thinking as he watched his father stop me from going to him.

"I am not asking to replace your father and I know I never could, but I would love to do the honor for him of walking you down the aisle," Carlisle said with a sweet, but sad smile. I hated it when he tried to play the dead father card on me. He had done this before. Early on in our engagement he told me that he was sure my father would be upset by our getting married so young. I told him that my father was married young and how as my dad said in one of his journals, that we Swans mate for life so now or twenty years from now it would be Edward, so why wait? Carlisle looked at me like I was insane that night while Edward just laughed at my explanation.

I looked from Carlisle to Edward and could see that Edward was seconds from storming down the aisle to me. I would not let that happen though.

"Carlisle, I am grateful that you would think of me and my father, but I am fine and well, he is with me so there is no need," I said and then opened my hand that was wrapped around my bouquet to reveal my father's badge that Edward had so thoughtfully remembered for me. I watched as a look of surprise pass over Carlisle's face before he smiled and nodded in a polite manner, I watched him turn to leave me and as he walked away I looked towards Edward, who looked more relaxed each step that Carlisle took towards his seat in the front by Esme.

I took a deep breath and clutched my bouquet of white tulips, lavender meadow flowers and lily of valleys tighter in my hand. I could feel the hard badge cut into my fingers and it was nice since it reminded me that dad was with me in this moment.

"Go ahead dear, the boy is waiting on you," Mrs. Webber whispered with a teasing tone, but I did not look back to see the kind woman's face, instead I took my first step toward my future and he was waiting for me with a smile at the end of a long aisle.

**AN:  
Yes, I know, I suck! I promise this will be done by this weekend short of an epi & an Emmett POV set in the future. I can't help it really; I have been overcome by another story that is all mapped out & ready to go. What a story it is!**

**Thanks once more for reading!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	80. the wedding pt 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I do not remember the sound of the music as I walked toward the man the I would marry. I never looked at the sea of faces that came to watch. I kept my eyes focused on the prize and that was Edward standing there with a triumphant grin, looking more handsome than should be humanly possible in his black tuxedo while Riley clapped him on his back as if he was teasing him somehow.

Once I reached him he took hold of my hand in his and we just stood there, looking at each other with big stupid smiles on our faces. It took Pastor Webber saying that we should start that pulled me out of my haze so that we could step forward and start the wedding.

The wedding itself was simple just like what we had wanted. When we were planning it we both agreed that there was no need for some grand declaration of love that was over the top in both extravagance and style. That wasn't us and we had already made our vows to each other over and over again. We had already declared our love, fought for it, and won. This was just a formality in my mind as well as Edward's.

We both listened to the pastor speak of love greatest of things like a seasoned pro as we whispered back and forth to each other while our hands were clasped tightly. Edward whispered how amazing I looked and how much he missed me during the day. I whispered back the same. We whispered about our future and hopes while the pastor entertained the crowd until it was finally time for our vows.

We had chosen a variation of the tradition vows. We wanted something that was more focused on our union than public promises made to each other. I listened with a stuttering heart as Edward was asked to repeat his vows to me; all the while his deep green eyes held mine captive and a bright smile graced his handsome face.

"I, Edward Anthony Cullen, take you, Isabella Marie Swan, to be my wife, my partner, my one true love," he said and then paused before continuing on.

"_My_ Bella," he said simply with reverence that brought tears to my eyes.

"I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live," Edward said with such certainty in his voice as he held my hand in his tightly, while looking so deep into my eyes I was sure he could see my soul.

I smiled and took a deep breath since it was my turn to make the same promise to him. He smiled brightly as I repeated what the words and added _My Edward_, as well.

Once the words were spoken there was a pause in the ceremony while Pastor Webber spoke of the rings, but I could not focus on him, all my attention was on the man before me and his beaming smile. It was like he was glowing. He had never been more beautiful to me than in that moment.

We exchanged rings with simple words and a promise of forever before slipping them on to where they would remain until our dying days. It was felt binding, but in a good way, in a way that there are no words explain how it feels.

Pastor Webber paused like he said he would and this was the moment that Edward could kiss me, claiming me as his bride before announcing us. My eyes locked with Edward's as I felt him step closer to me and slowly bring his hand up to cup my cheek. It was a soft, gentle gesture and yet it caused my heart to race. Slowly, he leaned down until our lips met in a soft kiss, but the kiss did not stay soft as fire shot through my veins at the feeling of his lips against mine. My hand went up as the hunger took over and soon my fingers were tangled in his hair, holding his face to mine as he deepened our kiss.

The kiss burned through me and I did not care that we had an audience watching us as I felt Edward's tongue swept against mine teasingly. It was a victory kiss. It was hard and passionate. It made the people who came to witness this union chuckle at our enthusiasm.

When Pastor Webber cleared his throat loudly, Edward slowly pulled away and we both looked toward the pastor with a bit of a guilty look since we knew he was waiting on us to conclude the ceremony. Thankfully, he was a kind man who just smiled at our embarrassment and shook his head as if he had seen this happen a hundred times before.

"It is my pleasure to announce for the first time ever, Mr. and Mrs. Edward and Bella Cullen," Pastor Webber announced as Edward looked at me with a huge grin. I knew he would like the sound of that, hell, so did I.

We turned towards are clapping guest and then walked down the aisle at a fast pace, while Char was always one step ahead of us, snapping pictures, all the way. Once we were in the spot designated as the start of what would become our receiving line, Edward pulled me close and kissed me with passion once more. It felt like I could fly as I stood there holding the most important person to me in the whole world. Slowly, Riley, Leah and Seth appeared. They were the first to congratulate us, and then the flood gates opened as people descended upon us.

I do not remember much about the receiving line. I remember being hugged awkwardly as I held Edward's hand tight in mine so I would not lose him in the crowd. All I truly remember is a blur of faces while feeling Edward's warmth next to me, keeping me sane.

We slowly moved on and as we did Char pulled us aside for pictures. She was demanding and harsh on us since all I wanted to do was kiss the boy who was wearing my ring now.

"You will have time for that later," she would yell at us as we kissed in the middle of our meadow like a couple of love starved teenagers, but soon she just gave up the yelling since it did not matter to us at all.

The reception was a blur. There was food and drink that was poured. I sat on Edward's lap as we ate even though I had a chair that was to be mine. He didn't mind since he wanted me just as close. We drank and laugh with our friends as people swirled around us until it was time for our first dance. Edward pulled me on to the dance floor with a teasing grin that made me want to pull him into the shadows to do naughty things while our guests wait for us.

"You know I can't dance." I whispered to him with a smile as He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me close to him. Once I was pressed against him he chucked as I shivered in his arms.

"I will take care of you," he murmured to me with a grin as we started to sway to the beat of the music that played for us alone. It was our song and hearing it caused me to sigh. Edward leaned down and kissed me before moving his lips closer to my ear where he whispered every tantalizing thing that he planned on doing to me with his hands, tongue and body that night once we were alone. I could not wait.

The night passed quickly as if the clock was on fast-forward. We laughed and drank. We watched as people danced around us. We danced with our friends and finally Esme and Carlisle. We cut the cake and fed each other.

We did everything that had been planned and the night was winding down when I felt a hand upon my elbow, getting my attention. I was still laughing as I turned on Edward lap to find Emmett standing there with an unsure on his face.

"Edward, do you mind if I dance with your wife?" he asked Edward as Edward eyed him warily and then his green eyes flicked to mine.

"You should really ask her. You know how Bella hates it when you decide things for her," Edward said softly as he looked at me with a sad smile.

"Yeah, I also hate it when people talk about me like I am not here," I said to Edward causing him to laugh once more. I stood up slowly and took Emmett's hand that he had offered. I turned back to look at Edward and he just shooed me on with a flick of his wrist and a smile.

"You look beautiful," Emmett said stiffly as if he was unsure of what to say to me and I guess I was still in shock from Edward being so calm about Emmett. I glanced at Edward over his shoulder, which was watching us closely, but did not appear to be angry.

"I, uh, I talked with Edward last night. I would have talked with you as well, but you weren't there," Emmett offered as he looked at me with big blue eyes in a remorseful manner.

"So?" I asked him slowly, wanting to know what happened between them since Edward had not had a chance to tell me all of this. Maybe that was why he was looking for last night. Maybe while I was in the middle of my melt down he had his own melt down to deal with as well.

"It went ok," was all he replied with as a grim look settled over his face. I can only imagine how it went since the last time the brothers spoke it ended up with a fist fight and Edward in jail.

WE danced in silence until I heard Edward's voice behind me.

"May I cut in?" he asked politely. It gave me flash backs of high school dances were I would spend the night avoiding Edward while he stared at me from across the gym like a lonely stalker.

Emmett let go of me, but as he did he called out to Char.

"Hey Charlotte, what do you stay to getting a picture of the three of us?" he yelled to her. No called Char Charlotte anymore so the name sounded odd, but Char came over quickly with her camera in tow while Emmett babbled about how much mom would love this picture.

Char moved us around, but I found myself in the same position that I had been in time again over the years and it made me snicker to myself. I stood there sandwiched between the two the Cullen brothers, with Edward's arm around me and Emmett pressed close. This picture had been taken again and again over the years so for to have the same pose now seemed oddly familiar and yet unsettling.

I had spent years being pulled back and forth between the two brothers. I had spent years loving both of them with everything I had, but yet in such different manners. I had spent years in picture were it looked I was in the middle, undecided, between two boys that were worlds apart in every aspect. I knew it needed to change, so I did.

I moved slightly so that I was curved into Edward and brought my left hand up to rest against his heart, showing off the wedding set that he bought for me with the money his grandparents had left for him. It was subtle, but Edward knew what I was doing and it caused him to smile an even bright smile as he wrapped his arm around my waist to hold me to him.

We smiled for the picture and then Char let us go on our way. Emmett said a quick good bye before disappearing. I asked Edward what happened last night and he only told me that they were as good as they would ever be. He never told me what was said or what happened. I think it was because he did not want to upset me and for once, I was fine with leaving well enough alone.

The night wore on and we soon were seeing guests leave and as they did Edward asked me if I was ready to go as well. We had it planned to spend our wedding night in our house and then the next afternoon fly out of Seattle to start our journey to an private island resort in the Caribbean where would have our own house and stretch of private beach. We would be alone for two weeks, just Edward, me, the sun and ocean. It all sounded so heavenly to me.

When he asked if I was ready I could not agree fast enough. I was ready to be alone with him. I was ready for him. We made our way around the open space that became our reception hall and said our good bye. Esme promised to oversee the last bit of the party since it was winding down as well. Char took more pictures and Riley reminded us that he would be over afternoon to make sure we would make it to the airport in time since he was our ride.

After everything was place. I took Edward's hand and we started to walk to our house that in the distance had a single candle light burning in each window. It looked inviting and warm even in the distance.

We walked in basic silence, just stopping to kiss softly as we walked. There was nothing to say that had not been said and it left this wonderful comfortable silence that I had only ever achieved with Edward.

When we reached the house Edward stopped and picked me up to carry me in while I laughed at his behavior. It was just so typical of him and I loved him for it.

We whispered _I love you _back and forth as we slowly made out way to our bedroom. Once we reached the door he stopped me from opening it.

"Wait right here," he whispered and then kissed me soundly before ducking into what would be our bedroom. I giggled as I listened to his footsteps in the room with the closed door.

When he was ready, he opened the door and greeted me with a room full of burning candles and rose petals covering the bed. It was cheesy and romantic. It made my heart pound in my chest and with that I threw myself at the boy who had become my husband only a few hours earlier.

He met me kiss for kiss as we slowly untangled ourselves from the clothes that we were wearing. It was much easier for him since his tuxedo was simple, but my dress had has stalled. He unzipped me and slowly watched it fall away to discover the matching lingerie that I had bought special for this night in the midnight blue that he liked me to wear so much. I smiled as I watched his eyes glaze over with lust as his eyes roamed over my curves.

Edward helped me step out of the heap of fabric at my feet and then pulled me close to him. He was bare since I had stripped off his boxers along with pants as I hastily took off his clothes. We kissed opened mouthed and sloppy in-between whispers of I love you and his apology in advance that eh would not last long this first time since he had been too long for us. I could only giggle and agreed as I tried to assure him that there was always the next go round tonight that he could make up for his lack of duration.

I pushed him back on the bed and watched him fall with grunt of surprise. I knew that Edward wanted romance. He wanted time to taste and explore my body, but I wanted him now. We had waited weeks without being together, settling only for kissing and dry humping on the couch like seventeen year olds that were afraid of getting caught by their parent. In my mind there would be time for the romance and exploration later, right now all I wanted was him.

I crawled upon the bed towards him as he had moved so his back was resting against our head board. I could tell by the wicked smile on his face that he was agreeing with me that romance could wait, now would be about how deep, how fast, how hard he could take me.

Edward pulled me on to his lap as I straddled him, rubbing against his hard cock as it pushed against my belly, like it had a mind of its own. He quickly got rid of my lacy bra and practically tore the panties off me as he licked, sucked, nipped a every bit of skin that was within his reach as I did the same.

Once I was as bare as he was I quickly moved on his lap and slowly started to sink on to his hard cock as he groaned in my ear from the sensation of it. He brought hand down to grasp my hips, to stop me from moving on his lap so he could try to concentrate against cumming. I could see the concentration and tension on his face to the point where it looked like he was in pain. While he focused with his eyes closed I softly kissed his cheeks and then nose causing him to open his beautiful green eyes to me once more.

We whispered words of love and shared the breath as I slowly moved upon him. The sensations became over whelming fast and I found myself panting his name over and over as I felt myself starting to spiral out of control.

Edward grasped my hips and would thrust up as I came down upon him. This simple action took him deep inside of me and causing me to sputter nonsense as I felt myself stretching, adjusting to accommodate his size.

I listened to his breathing stagger and the wet sounds our bodies made as we joined. I could feel him deep inside of me and it was amazing. It reminded me of how I had missed this closeness with Edward. I had missed him like this with his hot breath in my face, stuttering my name along with words of love as he worked to make me fall apart for him.

I looked into his eyes and I could see all his love pouring out to me. I could feel it as he moved within me. I took hold of his shoulders, his hair, anything to anchor myself to him further as I felt like I was about to be lost from his touch.

When I could not take the pleasure any more I felt myself spiral out of control, spasming and twitching as I pulled him into me tightly. Edward followed right behind me with a low groan as he filled me with his love.

We sat with me still on his lap and him still buried inside me as our breathing slowly calmed down. Edward would kiss me and whisper his love as I clung to him. He kissed away my overly emotional tears as with a smile, not asking me to explain why I cried since I was sure he understood how deep I felt the love for him run within me. He was right the waiting was worth it since that that been mind blowing.

We spoke softly as we held each other. We spoke of the wedding and of his talk with Emmett. He told me how I would never be alone and I told him how he would always belong to me now. We spoke of future, a bright and happy future full of love and children. We spoke of plans and wants. He twisted his ring on my left hand and I did same to my ring on his left hand. We both agreed that they felt foreign and yet perfect at the same time.

We laughed and kissed. We drank champagne and made love countless times until we watched the sun rise, knowing that we could sleep on the plain to our honey moon destination. It was wonderful and everything that I wanted. He was everything that I wanted and I told him so. Edward pulled me close for another kiss that lead to touching that resulted in making love while he whispered all the wonderful things that our future held with stutter breathes . I welcomed his touch, his kiss and his words since I knew they were true. Our future was bright and we were ready for it. Hand in hand we would walk into our happily ever after, knowing that all we needed was each other and that would never change.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I will try to have the epi out this weekend if not Monday!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	81. Chapter 81

Hello!

Sorry to get you hopeful that another update was out there, but I had to share this with you and really had no other way to do so. Forgive me and please know an update is on the way!

For starters, I wanted to thank the very kind person who took their time to nominate me for The Twinklings Walk of Fame Award in the category of Hopelessly Devoted (Most Reliable Author). When I received the email alerting me that I had been nominated I was shocked and humbled that someone thought enough me to toss my name in the hat. Please know who ever you are that your act of kindness made my weekend! I am honored beyond belief and a little star stuck as I look at the other writers on this list.

While I am not one of those people who will come to you and say vote for me. That is just not my style. I will say go check it out and see all the wonderful writers that you honored me by suggesting that I was as faithful to their readers as what they are. Go vote for some awesome fics & amazing writers!

http(.)thetwinklingswfa(.)blogspot(.)com

Secondly, I have to let you know about the launch of a most amazing blog that I share with Icarustosun. It is a blog all about angst stories! So if you love angst this is the place to be! We will be highlighting, rec'ing and reviews all things angst. It will also have interviews or Q & A's with some of the great writers out there. Just as a teaser I will let you know we have Chrometurtle from Expectation and Other Moving Pieces in queue along with Sammielynnsmom from Blind Intentions and first up Bronzehyperion from Bring on the Wonder. It will also be a place where teasers from my stories may be shared as well as just a general place to find good angst stories that I know you love! Please come check us out!

http(:) angst-thenewfluff(.)blogspot(.)com

Until next time….

Take care,

Mamasutra

I hope you


	82. EPI  1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

After the wedding and a glorious three week honeymoon Edward and I settled back into our life. It was nice and simple. We still lived in his small apartment. We still would go to Forks as an escape when we needed it and sometimes when we were there we even saw his parents.

Once we were settled we both took on school full force. We had plans and we both we determined to see them to completion. Edward changed his major to English, just like mine in hopes of law school. He had discovered during my dealings with my attorney that he really enjoyed contract law. I was just happy that he found something that he was passionate about since a passionate Edward was an amazing sight. Carlisle, on the other hand, was not as impressed. He had some dream about his son following in his footsteps. It took some time, but by the time Edward graduated from law school he could say he was pleased with Edward without a pained look on his face.

It was on the night of Edward's law school graduation that our lives took another turn. We had spent the night surrounded by Edward's parents, along with Riley and Char. Edward was anxious. He wanted them gone and for us to be alone to celebrate together. I wanted that too, but as I watched Esme and Carlisle leave while Char stretched out on the couch next to Riley I knew it would be a bit longer before the real celebration could take place.

I sat down on Edward's lap with a giggle as I could hear him sigh in frustration over them being here still.

I watched as Riley looked at Char and then they both grinned brightly at each other. I waited as I watched them, knowing what it had to be it. Edward and I had been waiting since our marriage four years ago for them to get engaged. We both knew it was matter of time before one of them cracked since up until now they both stated that marriage was only a piece of paper and it was not needed in their relationship.

I cannot tell you how many conversations that we had where I explained to them that marriage was more than that. That it was a public promise to love and be there for the person you love with god and everyone else as your witness. I tried to explain that what I felt with Edward was deeper, stronger and more real now that I was his wife, but they just laughed at us and told us that we were too old fashioned in that thought.

I glanced at Edward, who smiled softly at me in a teasing manner. He was still so handsome with his strong jaw and bright green eyes, but in the last four years he had filled out more. His shoulders, that I had always loved, were broader, more solid and so was his frame over all. He still was lanky, but really had grown from the teenage boy into a man.

I could tell by his teasing grin that he was not at all focused on what Riley and Char were about to share. I could feel him getting hard as I sat up on his lap that he was already thinking about what fun we would have once they left.

"Can you give it a rest for moment? My lady has an announcement," Riley said as he watched us with a bright grin.

"So, there is no right or wrong way to say this so I am just going to say it," she stammered excited it as we sat there waiting.

"I'm pregnant!" she exclaimed excitedly as she waved her hands around in an animated manner.

Pregnant. Char was pregnant. I did not see that coming and by the look on Edward's face neither did he since he looked just as stunned as I felt. It wasn't that I had never thought that Char would have children; it's just that she always talked about how she would be one of those women having kids in their forties, not now.

It didn't help that pregnancy was a bit of a hot button for us since Edward had just started his campaign for me to stop taking the pill so we could try for a baby. He was ready and the deal I had brokered with him was that we would wait until my third book was in the editing process and he had finished law school. He was done with law school as of tonight and my book was through the editing process. I felt the need to strangle Char since she was putting pressure on me that she was not aware of.

"How did this happen?" I heard myself asking before I had I chance to stop myself.

"Well, Bella, when a mommy and a daddy love each other sometimes they express this love in the physical form," Riley teased as he looked at me with a smart ass grin.

"I _know_ how it happened you idiot, but really," I said as I felt Edward place his hand on my arm as if trying to stop me from making a bigger ass of myself. He was right. I needed to stop while I was ahead. This was my issue and not theirs.

"Anyway, we are getting married in three weeks in Jamaica and we want you two to be our witnesses. Can you do it?" Riley asked while looking at us with a hopeful look, as if we would say no.

We agreed and then celebrated Char's pregnancy and their pending marriage before they left for the night. Edward closed the door on them before turning to me with a sneaky smile.

"Well, I wasn't expecting that," he said in a surprised manner as he stepped closer to me. I could smell the intoxicating scent of soap and boy that was Edward and always made my heart pound. I nodded since I was already lost to the idea of getting lost in my husband.

He took hold of my hand and slowly started to pull me back to our bedroom, ignoring the mess that was all over our apartment. We turned off the lights as we walked back so that I could only see him in a shadow form.

Once in our bedroom I watched as he let go of me to unbutton his shirt, but I stopped him as I took over releasing his buttons while he reached around to unzip my dress that I wore just for him. He looked at me with such a serious look on his face. His eyes were burning into mine as he looked at me as if he was trying to read my mind. When I could not take him looking at me like that anymore, I pulled him close for a kiss that ended his solemn look.

We worked wordlessly to free each other of our clothes until we were skin against skin. Edward, slowly and carefully laid me back on our bed pilled with pillows as if I was made of glass. I watched with a smile as he crawled upon the bed, naked and ready, until he was hovering over me with a wicked smile that told me that I was in for a nights worth of delight from this man.

"My Bella," he murmured to me as he pulled me close so that we were skin against skin before his hands explored my body liked it was new for him even though we had made love countless times now. I felt his hand clasp mine and slowly twist my wedding ring on my finger like he always did before moving on to touch me. This was his little ritual that he always did whenever we made love. It was like a centering act and a reminder that I was his forever now.

It did not take long with his mouth and hands for me to reach my orgasm before he ever entered me. I pulled him close as he positioned himself to thrust inside, but paused as he kissed my neck with a long slow lick of his tongue.

"I want to make a baby," he whispered in my ear before biting my ear lobe causing me to moan loudly for him. This was his way of fighting unfair with me. He knew in a moment like this I would agree to anything to feel him inside me.

"I want a baby with you," he whispered in my ear in a raspy voice that caused me to shudder against him as I wrapped my legs around his narrow waist to pull him closer to me as I whispered yes back to him. It was confirmation that Edward had been seeking since as soon as I said yes, he moved within me, filling me while I gasped at the sensation.

I held him to me as he continued to push us closer and closer to fulfillment while he whispered stuttered words in my ear of love and non sense like he always did until I came apart in his arms with him following close behind. I held him to me and kissed him slowly in thanks as pressed against his weight into me.

Edward moved just enough so that he could see my face without untangling himself from my body. His green eyes showed brightly in the semi dark room as he looked at me with a happy grin of satisfaction.

"No more pills?" he asked me with the same silly grin that he had when he was ten years old.

"No more pills," I assured him with a smile that made him smile even brighter at me. It was with those words that our journey began.

The weeks passed and as they did I decided to take the time to visit my doctor. Dr. Gandy assured me that it can months before a woman was even regular enough in your cycle to even attempt pregnancy. While this news seemed to deflate Edward a bit, it made me feel better since I felt like I had more time to adjust to the idea of attempting to have a baby.

Edward did not understand my need for more time since he had been ready for babies ever since he had found out about the one that had been lost. I, on the other hand, was more fearful than him. I worried about how it would change us and I was greedy since I just wanted more time with him.

As the weeks passed we soon found ourselves on the beach in Jamaica as Riley and Char were married. It was a casual wedding with sun dresses worn by Char and myself and everyone in bare feet. The smile on Riley's face as he watched Char walk to him was worth the trip to both Edward and I.

The weeks passed and soon the time for my period came and went. This lack of getting my period left me feeling sick while going to a lab for a blood test and then waiting nervously by the phone only to be told that I was not pregnant before being reminded that when going off of the pill it can take time before a woman can get pregnant. Edward was disappointed and oddly enough so was I.

We continued on with our lives and tried to forget that we were waiting on my body to return to normal so we could even attempt to get pregnant. It wasn't so bad having to wait since we made love a lot under the teasing pretense of practicing for the real event.

Edward kept everything interesting by suggesting making love in random places like his office or where we would meet for lunch, but my favorite by far was going back to Forks to check on his parents' house while they were on vacation. It felt naughty and just like old times when we made love in his old room.

"You know, I've been thinking," Edward said as he held me close on his old bed while nuzzling my neck.

"I think that on your next tour I should come along with," he said against my skin as I smiled. I always loved it when he came with me and the last time he had to stay behind because of school.

"I would love that," I replied as he moved to kiss me again before telling me how he was offered a position within the law firm that represented me. It was another victory for us since this firm was small and would allow Edward to work closely with me.

After our short vacation to Forks we returned to life in Seattle. It was busy and consuming as we both became wrapped up in our on-going projects of Edward's work and my book. We had made plans to have dinner with Riley and Char since we had been neglecting them with all our alone time and then finally work that kept us busy.

We had planned a night in with me cooking Char's favorite meal of lasagna and garlic bread since she could finally stomach garlic now that she was four months along. Edward was beyond thrilled when I asked him to help me cook since I wasn't feeling as well. My body was showing all the signs that my period was finally arriving with achy cramps and sore boobs so Edward was beside himself with happiness that once my period arrived we could finally start to try for that baby he wanted so badly.

"You feeling ok?" he asked me once more as we heard the knocking on the door announcing Char and Riley's arrival. I nodded yes, but honestly I wasn't feeling so well with my body being so achy all over.

The night wore on and it was nice to see Char. She was happy and Riley was shockingly blissful as well as they spoke of their baby who was happily growing inside of her. It was nice to see them again as we laughed and teased each other.

Char watched me with a scowl as I drank my beer in front of her.

"This is so good Char," I teased as I took another long drink from the bottle in an exaggerated display while she rolled her eyes at me and swatted at me, hitting me in the boob, which had caused me to jump in pain.

"Watch your hand there, Biers," I hissed at her as Riley laughed and Char watched me with an interested look before launching into how I was pregnant and just dumb to know it. We all laughed at her, but as I glanced over at Edward I knew he was just as nervous as what I was over what she had said.

"Come on Bella, sore boobs and cramps are signs of early pregnancy too," Char said as she stood up to leave for the night while Riley told her to quit teasing me. We all hugged good bye with the promise of meeting for brunch on Sunday.

Once the door was closed Edward stood there staring at me. I knew what he was thinking. I could read him like a book.

"What do you think?" he asked me in a quiet voice that showed his nerves as it wavered while he spoke to me.

"I don't know. I mean, I have no idea, Edward. I guess I could be, but don't you think this is something that I would know?"I asked him trying to sound sarcastic, but only sounding confused instead.

We agreed after a long moment to go to the pharmacy and buy a pregnancy test since we both knew there would be no sleep until we had our answer. The drive there was quiet since nerves were getting the best of us and the walk inside was awkward as we held hands in the store like we were clinging to each other.

We walked through the somewhat empty store until we came upon the right aisle for what we needed. I held on to Edward's hand tightly as we looked at the feminine products until we found the pregnancy tests that were nestled in at the end of the aisle by the condoms and vibrating cock rings. I wanted to laugh at the placement of the product since it practically screamed the inefficiency of the condoms that surrounded it.

We stood there looking over packages of pregnancy tests, trying to figure out which on to buy and after a long amount of time we decided on two different tests. We grabbed them and something to drink on the way home before handing them over to the guy behind the counter to pay.

It was a quiet drive home as we both drank our soda in silence. My mind was racing as I thought about taking those damn tests. I wanted to know, but yet I didn't. It would be easy to be blissfully unaware of a pending life changing moment.

We pulled into our parking garage and I waited while Edward walked around to my door to help me out. I looked at his face and I could see his nervousness creeping through his calm exterior as well. I knew him better than anyone else and I knew that he wanted this. I knew he wanted me to be pregnant badly and that was more pressure placed upon me. I wanted to make him happy, but I had no control over this.

He had been drinking. I could hear his soft words that everything was ok, but I think they were more for him than what they were for me.

Once inside of our apartment he excused himself to go to the rest room before I took over the space and while he was gone I opened up both packages of tests. My plan was to take them all since that way there would be no question as to what the results would be.

Edward stepped back into the room with a sheepish look as he the room was free and then I marched off with all four tests in hand while Edward followed close behind me.

I walked into the room and insisted that Edward leave, but not before he ran to our kitchen to get me a plastic cup to pee in since there was no way I would be able to pee on all four sticks properly. Once he was out of the room I peed awkwardly into a plastic cup, knowing that I would throw it out once I was done with it and then washed my hands. Edward, who had barely gave me enough privacy to pee on my own, quickly opened the door and watched as I slowly dipped the test sticks into the pee with a shaky hand. He tried to lighten the mood by commenting on how it looked like a science experiment gone bad, but it wasn't funny since in a way it was exactly that.

Once the last stick was dipped and the cup was trashed I left all the tests on the counter and walked out into our bedroom that was right by the bath. Edward followed me and before I could sit down on our bed I was wrapped up in a tight hug from behind from him.

"Whatever it is that you are thinking, it will be ok, Bella," he whispered to me as he held me tight. I twisted enough in his arms to face him. His green eyes locked with mine and I could almost feel him taking in the air that I breathed as we looked at each other.

"I love you and I want this," he said to me and then leaned down to kiss me so sweetly that my knee buckled at the sensation of his lips against mine, sealing his promise to me.

"But what if…" I started to say, but he stopped me once more with his lips in the form of another kiss. When he finally pulled away he looked at me with his eyes blazing into mine.

"No what ifs, Bella," he said with a firm tone as he held me and in that instant I knew what ever happened it would be ok. We stood there holding each other and kissing softly until the timer that Edward had set on his phone went off. It was a loud beep that caused us both to jump in fright.

I stepped away from him and turned towards the bathroom door, while holding tight to his strong hand in mine. We walked together to our tiny little bathroom and then walked in to look at the test together. I grabbed one test while Edward grabbed the digital one that he insisted that we get.

I looked over the test and was instantly shocked to find a line in the testing window telling me that I was indeed pregnant. I looked at Edward, who was holding the one test in his hands with a shocked look as well. I took his test and was able to read clearly _pregnant_.

"Holy shit," I whispered before looking at Edward. He looked adorable with his expression of absolute terror on his handsome face. It was as if he had realized what exactly we had done and now he was as scared as what I was. It made me laugh and then I found myself crying over the absolute terror that was bubbling inside of me.

"Baby, are you ok?" he asked me in a voice that still sounded off. I shook my head yes and then threw myself into his arms.

"We're going to have a baby," he whispered to me with wonder in his voice as the tears came faster for me now. Edward held me tight and kissed me though my tears as we stood there happy and yet scared out of our minds.

We decided to tell others right away since we shared the belief that no matter what would happen our baby needed to be celebrated. Char and Riley were the first people that we told and they, of course, were thrilled for us. Esme and Carlisle were harder to tell since they were Edward's parents. It was like admitting that we had sex. Sure, they knew we did and had even caught us in the act before, but this was different since it was almost like providing proof to what had remained unspoken.

We went brunch with them at their house to tell them and when I declined the mimosa Esme looked at me funny before looking at Edward. He just stood there with a big shit eating grin that caused her shriek out loud as she ran to hug me tight.

"What the hell is going on?" Carlisle asked as he ran into the room, startled by his wife's screaming.

"They're pregnant!" she yelled as she held me in a tight hug while Edward laughed at his mother's insane display of happiness.

This was the moment I had been dreading, the moment of Carlisle finding out about our baby since he was so negative about everything that Edward did. I just knew that he would tell us how we were wrong to have a child now or do something to hurt Edward over it.

I watched Carlisle look from Esme to me and then finally Edward, who was still smiling that big smile like a fool. I held my breath for the fraction of a second that it took for Carlisle to break out in a big smile and grab Edward to pull him in for a warm hug. I could see the look of shock on Edward's face as his father hugged him and then told him how happy he was for us.

The rest of the morning with them was wonderful as we spoke of due dates in May and baby shower plans. When we left I had never seen Edward look so happy as he hugged his father good bye while I prayed that this would be the change that their relationship needed.

The late summer turned into fall and soon we were facing another holiday season with happy smiles knowing that next year we would be celebrating with our little one. We weren't the only ones excited about that idea since Esme and Carlisle both would talk of next year when our baby would join us. It was nice and added to our excitement.

Our family excitement was nothing in comparison to Edward's. He went to all the doctor's appointments. He seemed to enjoy even the little things about the pregnancy like watching my mood change. He was there with ginger ale and crackers when my morning sickness took over. He was everything I needed him to be just like I knew he would be.

The pregnancy progressed and as it did we grew comfortable with it. Edward loved my ever expanding belly and I found that I could love someone that I had never even met before. It was different than how loved Edward, yet it intensified what was there between him and I.

Two months before I was due Char went into labor and delivered a healthy baby boy that they names Michael Preston after the characters in both our books that had brought Riley and Char together. It was sweet and seeing the three of them together was emotional for me since I knew that our time coming too. I cried over it while Edward held me fighting off laughter. He loved my overly emotional side for some reason.

That night that baby Michael Preston was born Edward and I went back to our apartment. We gazed into our decorated nursery and dreamed of our child. We laid in bed that night kissing as Edward rubbed my round belly until we finally made love in a wonderfully awkward manner because of my baby belly being in the way so that we could get as close as I wanted to be to him.

The final weeks of my pregnancy passed quickly as they were filled with baby showers and time spent with baby Michael. We spent each night wrapped in each other. Edward had taken to rubbing my overly large stomach as if he was

I was worried just like always. I worried about the type of mother I would be since my own mother was not the best example. She had left me behind without a look back. Even now she was not contact with me unless she wanted something.

"Baby, you're going to be an amazing mother," Edward whispered to me as we watched Char with Mikey, as we had taken to calling him. When he would whisper things like that I could not look at him without tears so when he turned my bulky frame around to hold me I could hear his snickering which only made me cry more.

"I am so going to miss this," he teased as he started to kiss my tear stained face lightly.

"I'm sorry. All I ever do any more is cry," I whispered softly as embarrassment washed over me. I felt his hand skim over my large belly up to my face to hold my chin up so I would meet his gaze.

"No you don't," he whispered sweetly to me while I looked into his green eyes that seemed to shine with happiness, but he was lying. I cried all the time. I cried over commercials on TV and in movies when no tears were needed.

"I love it that you are emotional. I love you," he whispered to me as he pulled me as close to him as my large baby belly would allow while I rolled my eyes at him.

The last weeks of pregnancy were beautiful and yet awkward. I could barely fit into my maternity clothes as my belly grew to epic proportions while Edward watched amazed. I had this constant hunger for sex, yet sex was laughable over how poorly we fit together. We end up laughing our way through which still made it enjoyable no matter how awkward it was.

One week before my due date I awoke at midnight with a slight ache in my back that would not let me rest. I was used no sleep by this time since aches and discomfort kept sleep at bay most nights. I pressed a soft kiss against Edward's hand that was wrapped around me in my bubble of pillows before slipping out of our bedroom so he could sleep.

The house was silent and felt foreign to me since we had just moved back to Forks. Edward talked me into moving to Forks for a while or at least that was what he promised me. His idea was that Esme was close by so she could help with our baby if we needed and I could not argue with him over how it seemed like a good idea to have someone close to help us.

I slipped down the hall to what would be the baby's room. It was still a blank canvas except for the white crib and glider rocker that had pale green cushions upon it since that color would match the bedding we had picked out for either our son or daughter.

Most people could not believe that we had no idea what we were having, but at the twenty week well check we opted not find out. It was a difficult decision, but not one that I regretted as I reminded others that there are so few good surprises in life.

I found comfort in the glider rocker as well as the silence of the room, but no matter how I attempted to get comfortable the pain would not subside. The back ache was soon replaced with cramping that made me sick to my stomach as I realized that what I was experiencing was contractions.

I focused on the rocking of my chair as time passed. It was odd knowing that my child would be born soon. I had been dreading and looking forward to this day for weeks so to know that his arrival was so close made me nervous.

I worried over what type of a mother I would be. Edward had spent the better part of this pregnancy reminding me that I was not my mother. He would remind me how loving and warm I was. He would tell me that I would be a perfect mother and when he would tell me such things with his eyes so green I believed him. But now sitting in the dark of our baby's blank bedroom I wasn't so sure any more.

I continued to rock through the pain while my mind went over what I could do to be a better mother than what I had. I lost track of time as I sat there, rocking in the glider rocker. It was easy to focus on anything but the pain since the pain was not horrible; it was just more annoying that painful since it did seem to go away.

"Baby, are you ok?" I heard a sleepy sounding Edward call out to me from the doorway, pulling me out of my thoughts as I sat there. I looked over at my husband with a slight smile. He looked rumpled standing there in his boxers and nothing else. His hair stood up on end as I watched him rub his hand over his face as if he was trying to wake up.

"I'm not sure," I replied as I watched his eyes go wide with surprise and concern as he walk into the room to greet me. He stopped before and then held out his hand to help me out of the chair so I would be standing before him. His hand reached out for my extended baby belly like they always did when we were close. Edward's eyes went wide with surprise as he gingerly rubbed at my belly.

"I think I'm having contractions," I said softly as I felt the warmth of a blush wash over my face while he lifted up my baggy shirt to caress the stretched skin of my stomach.

"You're hard as a rock," he murmured as he rubbed my taunt belly soothingly, but his touch just made me hurt more even though I craved his touch.

Wordlessly, Edward took hold of my hand and led me out of our baby's room and down the hall to the living room. We curled up on the couch together as he questioned over how long I had been awake before asking about the contractions.

"I haven't been timing them," I confessed as he spooned with me on the couch while running his hand down my arm as I stiffened under the pain of another contraction. Edward nodded his head that he understood me while glancing at the clock, timing my pain as I pressed into him.

We sat like that for a while, talking about anything, except the storm brewing within body that would result in the birth of our child. It was a stilted conversation as Edward watched my face for signs of contractions before checking the clock.

"Bella, sweetheart, we need to call your doctor," he whispered to me as I closed my eyes as the tightening around my body started once more.

"No, I need more time," I whispered to him as I held tight to his hand.

"What for?" he asked me as he pressed a kiss to my neck like he would when I was scared.

"I need more time with you," I whispered as I felt the sting of tears in my eyes as the emotions of fear and dread washed over me.

"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered to me with a slight laugh in his voice before rubbing his hand over my belly.

"But the baby, I think it might have other ideas," he teased me as he kissed my neck once more before his snort of laughter. I knew logically he was right. The baby would come no matter if I was ready or not, but there was still that part of me that wanted more time to get ready for this.

"Fine, call," I whispered as I felt his laughter shake us slightly before he leaned over to grab his cell phone to call Dr. Gandy's after hours number. I tried not to listen to his conversation; instead I focused on Edward's warm hand intertwined with mine.

Minutes passed and finally Dr. Gandy returned our call. I didn't need to listen to the conversation that Edward had with him to know that we would need to make an appearance at the hospital.

Edward was giddy with excitement as he helped me slip on some loose fitting shorts before slipping on his own shorts and t-shirt. I waited inside the house as he packed up the car with my overnight bag that had been packed weeks ago as nerves settled over me.

"Edward," I whispered to him as we stood in the foyer of our home. I knew that we were leaving as a couple, but returning as a family. He seemed to pick up on what I was thinking as he pulled me close to him, or as close as my belly would allow.

"It's going to be so good, I promise you that," he said to me with a soft smile, trying to sooth me, but I could see the slight fear in his eyes as well.

The drive hospital was fast as Edward sped and Forks was a small town so nothing was far. We entered through the emergency room doors and were quickly admitted. I could hear the buzz of gossip that followed us as we marched our way to the labor and delivery unit.

We had always been the talk of the town, but now it was worse. People liked to gossip over us. They never got over me living with the Cullen's and then marrying Edward. People knew about Carlisle's dislike of our marrying so young. How could they not? It was a small town and the majority of them were in attendance to our wedding.

While we walked a young nurse that we attended high school with us spoke in an excited tone as she asked about my books. I could see Edward's slight smile when she asked if the characters were based on people here in Forks. I quickly told her yes in hopes that this would quiet her questions, but they did not stop.

"You know, everyone knew you two had a thing in high school long before you were dating," she said with a knowing smile, as if she knew some great secret. It was never a big secret about Edward and I, especially not now that my books were out there. She left us to change and wait for Dr. Gandy with a fake smile plastered to her face as I rolled my eyes at Edward, who laughed loudly at me irritation.

While we waited for the doctor we made our phone calls to Esme and Char. Both women made promises to be there shortly even though we had agreed that they would not be in the room for the actual birth. For that moment I wanted just Edward with me. It was our moment and I only wanted to share it with him.

Dr Gandy breezed into the room in a rush that startled me as I jumped into Edward's arms while he held me on the uncomfortable bed.

"Bella, let's take a look here and see what's going on," he called as the nurse motioned for me to lay back while Edward got off the bed and stepped back with an uncertain look.

I was questioned while Dr. Gandy looked over the paper from the machine that recorded my contractions as well as my vitals and the baby's. I answered questions about when did the contractions start and how painful they were. I would look towards Edward as he watched me with concern in his eyes.

"Ok, well, let's check you," Dr. Gandy announced as he motioned for me to lay back. I let my legs fall to my side as he instructed while telling me that it might be uncomfortable for a moment. I watched as best as what I could over my belly before I felt his gloved fingers enter me and press in to feel my cervix. It was an odd pressure that bordered on pain while he felt me.

"Well. You water bag is still intact, but you my dear are dilated to almost a seven," he announced happily while I mentally went back to my Lamaze class. I knew that I had to be dilated to a ten to give birth. I was amazed that I was more than half way there.

I grabbed Edward's hand and looked up at his shocked face as Dr. Gandy announced that he would break my water to move the birth along. I barely had time to protest when I felt the warm gush of fluid between my legs announcing that my water had indeed been broken.

"Everything looks good Bella. The water was fine and now we wait," he announced to us and then turned to talk to our nurse as I squeezed Edward's hand tighter.

I looked at my husband's handsome face and I could see a tinge of fear. He was nervous and so was I as I felt the contractions hit me once more, except this time they were stronger.

We were sent to walk the halls to speed up the process, but it was hard to do when sudden movements of our baby within me would cause a gush of fluid to flood out of me like I had peed my pants.

Esme arrived at the hospital; bring Carlisle along with, just as my contraction became almost more painful than what I could handle. Edward was slowly fading fast as I twisted and turned in pain before him.

"Carlisle, why don't you take Edward out for some coffee or something," she announced as she walked in and surveyed the situation. I watched through heavy eyes as Edward hugged his mother tightly before leaving with his dad begrudgingly.

"Hey sweetheart," Esme said to me with a sympathetic smile as she came over to rub my back for me as I closed my eyes against the pain that passed through me.

"You know this too will pass," she said to me as I groaned against the pain. I knew it would, but at the moment I wanted it to pass right then.

She continued to rub my back wordlessly as I breathed through the rest of the pain. Once it was done she spoke to me softly, telling me of her labor with Edward and Emmett. I listened as she described a nervous Carlisle and a tiny, red faced Edward.

"Everything will be fine," she assured me happily as Edward finally returned to me with a cup of coffee in his hand along with a peaceful look upon his handsome face. I had no idea what Carlisle had said to him, but whatever it was ire seemed to was his nerves a little.

Everything seemed to speed up from that moment. My contractions increased in frequency making it almost impossible for me to breathe as the pain robbed me of air. Char arrived just as I felt my body begin to shake. I felt this horrible burning pain sear through me. It was the gut wrenching ache that made me want to push and as I told Edward this Carlisle quickly stepped out in search of our nurse. I looked at Edward, feeling panic bubble up within me as I felt out of control of my body and what was going on around me. Edward took hold of my hand as I gripped the sides of the hospital bed with all my might. I closed my eyes as I tried to focus on the feel of his cool lips against my burning forehead. I could hear his soft whisperings, but he still seemed so far away from me.

"You'll do great," Esme said as she left the room to join Carlisle with Char who gave me a smile of support. I looked over at Edward and noticed the somewhat panicked look on his face as Dr. Gandy walked in with a bright smile while the nurses buzzed around the room.

I watched Edward's face as he looked from the nurses to my face that was red with embarrassment and anger. His eyes looked big and worried as he watched them and then would look back at me.

"Baby, they are just turning on the warmer and getting things ready," he whispered to me as if knowing what others were doing in the room would sooth me, but the truth was nothing would sooth me short of taking away this burning pain.

I found myself with my knees bent high and a spot light shining between my legs as nurses encouraged me to push while the doctor looked on passively. I wanted this over. I wanted to be done and as he watched me with a non interested look I felt my anger take over. It was this anger that I used towards pushing my baby out.

"Ok, that's it Bella," Dr. Gandy finally said as he put on a paper scrubs over his own scrubs along with protective eye gear to match his gloves. I continued to push angrily as he moved between my legs while the nurses flipped back the covers, exposing me completely to everyone in the room.

"Edward, hold her leg," Dr. Gandy ordered as I felt Edward's hand holding my thigh and leg up as I pushed in effort to get our child out of me. I looked up at Edward in the small breather I had and I could see that he was not only scared but over whelmed by it all.

"Ok, Bella, let's go again," the doctor called as I began to push while the nurse counted out loud in an annoying tone that brought my anger back to me in a flash of fire.

"That's it," I could hear the doctor call as he continued to work my flesh below in effort to create space for the baby's head.

I closed my eyes as I pushed with all my might in hopes that this burning would end as I listened to the doctor call out to Edward, asking that he take a look.

"Oh my god," I could hear Edward's stuttering response as I felt the burning increase.

"Ok, you're about there Bella, one more push," Dr. Gandy called out to me as I continued to push blindly. The pain increased and then there was a feeling of a pop within me as the burning pain instantly vanished.

"Look, Bella," Dr. Gandy called as I heard Edward stuttering cry for me to look as well.

I opened my eyes and I looked at Edward's face. His handsome face was red and his eyes looked greener as he looked at me with tear-filled eyes.

"Look," he whispered to me as he motioned his head towards where the doctor sat between my legs. I looked down over my swollen belly and I could see Dr. Gandy holding the goo covered head of our child as he emerged from me.

"One more push and he's out," he called as I took a deep breath and gave one last push. I could feel the wet slithering of something falling out of me which was the oddest sensation in the world before a wet, goo covered baby was hoisted upon my chest.

The nurses rubbed our baby vigorously as it cried loudly with towels as Edward and I cried laughter filled tears while trying to touch the child that we had created with our love. I looked at the birth swollen face of our child and I could see Edward which made my heart pound happily within my chest.

"Well, what is it?" asked the doctor teasingly. IN the excitement of actually giving birth we had forgotten to check to see what the sex of our baby was. Edward was stroking our child head softly when he moved the blanket covering its bottom to look.

"It's a girl," he whispered through his tears before leaning down to kiss me soundly in front of the hospital staff that continued to work on me as they waited for me to pass the placenta.

"A girl," I whispered while the nurses cheered happily for us as Edward leaned in closer to us so we both were looking at our creation together.

"She's beautiful," he whispered softly as he stroked the peach fuzz of her cheek.

"She looks like you," I told him as I met his green eyes which were shining bright with love and tears.

"What's her name?" one of the nurses asked us as we marveled over our daughter as the doctor began to stitch me up from where he had to cut my tender flesh to prevent a tear.

"Elizabeth Charlotte Cullen" Edward replied with pride in his voice as he took our daughter into his arms.

"What a lovely name," the name replied with a smile as she took our baby from him to wash her while explaining that she had guests waiting to see her. Edward smiled at me as he pressed kisses upon my face while whispering his thanks for our child.

"She's a good sized girl," the nurse called to us showing that Libby weighed eight pounds and six ounces while being twenty-one inches long. Yes, she would be long and lanky like her father.

After Libby's first bath and once I was cleaned up and settled back into bed we were ready for visitors. Esme and Carlisle rushed into the room once we had given the ok. They were excited to meet their granddaughter and that excitement filled the room as they oohed and awed over her tiny perfection. I looked over at Edward and found him watching me as usual with a warm look upon his handsome face.

"She's perfect," he whispered to me as Carlisle spoke to Libby about all the wonderful things they would do together as Esme looked on beaming with happiness.

"Yes, she is," I replied as I moved over so Edward could crawl into bed beside me, where he belonged.

"Thank you," he whispered against my lips before kissing me soundly once more.

"Hey," Char called as she walked in with Riley following close behind.

"Hey sweetie," Riley said as he came over and pressed a kiss against my cheek as Char went to see our daughter.

I sat there on the bed and watched the people I love welcome our daughter with only a slight tinge of sadness since I knew Emmett should be here as well, but he wasn't. Things weren't quite right between the brothers still, but I knew with a little work their relationship could be repaired as well.

The evening passed and as our family left us alone with our daughter I found myself overwhelmed with happiness. It was warm feeling that filled my soul and brought tears to my eyes as our daughter, Elizabeth was nestled between Edward and I just as she had been for the first thirty-eight weeks of her existence within me.

I looked over at the man I loved and remembered how we met and how much I loved him even then. Edward met my gaze with a bright one of his own as he smiled a tired smile at me. He leaned over his daughter and pressed a sweet kiss against my lips that reminded me of our first sweet kiss in the meadow that was now ours before he whispered his love for me. I felt the warmth of love and the sweetness of knowing that he was all I would ever need.

**AN:**

**Thanks to all that ever gave Broken a chance! Yes, I know it's mistake filled (This has never been beta's obviously), but to those of you who over looked the mistakes I made, I thank you. Thank you to IcarusToSun so became a great friend during this fic. Thanks to every one!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

I


End file.
